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Official 2021 Bitch about family/Holiday Insanity

GhostOfTomJoad

By GhostOfTomJoad
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FloridaHorn
FloridaHorn

After reading, it is apparent that I am either related to several of you fuckers, or we are all living in some sort of parallel universe. I start my holiday story with only the following as a guide...

FloridaHorn
FloridaHorn

So, I showed up with a 18 lb turkey, and a glazed ham which set me back a little over $100 bucks. The entirety of the items brought by the rest of the Maypear Mafia may not have cost $50 in total. The

GhostOfTomJoad
GhostOfTomJoad

A common request on this board, but it ain't happening. They're not identical but definitely looked similar when younger. Mrs GOTJ is still stunning (exercise, good diet, takes care of herself, etc

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Guadaloopy

Guadaloopy 10960

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3 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

My folks used to do this.  I remember Christmas at our place 7-8 years ago.  I look out the window for some reason and my parents are in their parked car.  Dad is reading the newspaper.  Because it was 15 mins before our agreed upon time.  I had to go out and tell them to get their asses into my house.

My wife is the single most habitually late person that has ever walked the earth.  This may sound like hyperbole.  It is not.  It drives me insane and has been at the root of MANY intense arguments.  We are certain she has/has always had ADD, which my daughter has as well.  My daughter has had every manner of test and her diagnosis has been certified.  But ADD was never a thing with our generation.  You were just stupid and/or inattentive.  But during one session, the psychologist mentioned a phenomenon called "time blindness". "A good sense of time is one critical executive function. It involves knowing what time it is now, how much time is left, and how quickly time is passing. People with ADHD tend to be "time blind," meaning they aren’t aware of the ticking of time. As a result, they often struggle to use time effectively."  This is her.  She literally cannot conceive of the space time continuum.  She thinks in her mind she can run to the store, the post office, maybe get her nails done, all in the span of 20 minutes.  It is baffling.  And I'm the asshole if I harp on the issue.  Fortunately just about everyone knows that if (when) we're late to something, it is 100% her fault.  /rant.

I know wives are often key elements to the holiday family insanity stories, but they have their own thread.
Harold Ramis Dont Cross The Streams GIF by Ghostbusters
 

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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8407

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5 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

My folks used to do this.  I remember Christmas at our place 7-8 years ago.  I look out the window for some reason and my parents are in their parked car.  Dad is reading the newspaper.  Because it was 15 mins before our agreed upon time.  I had to go out and tell them to get their asses into my house.

My wife is the single most habitually late person that has ever walked the earth.  This may sound like hyperbole.  It is not.  It drives me insane and has been at the root of MANY intense arguments.  We are certain she has/has always had ADD, which my daughter has as well.  My daughter has had every manner of test and her diagnosis has been certified.  But ADD was never a thing with our generation.  You were just stupid and/or inattentive.  But during one session, the psychologist mentioned a phenomenon called "time blindness". "A good sense of time is one critical executive function. It involves knowing what time it is now, how much time is left, and how quickly time is passing. People with ADHD tend to be "time blind," meaning they aren’t aware of the ticking of time. As a result, they often struggle to use time effectively."  This is her.  She literally cannot conceive of the space time continuum.  She thinks in her mind she can run to the store, the post office, maybe get her nails done, all in the span of 20 minutes.  It is baffling.  And I'm the asshole if I harp on the issue.  Fortunately just about everyone knows that if (when) we're late to something, it is 100% her fault.  /rant.

Maybe my wife has ADD, because she sure has the time blindness.  She has left the house 5 minutes before an appointment 30 minutes away, then wondered how she was late.  She's not intentionally being rude, she just has no feel for time.

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Telegraph_it

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36 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

Maybe my wife has ADD, because she sure has the time blindness.  She has left the house 5 minutes before an appointment 30 minutes away, then wondered how she was late.  She's not intentionally being rude, she just has no feel for time.

If only there was this device that almost everyone keeps on their person that can notify you when to leave and adjusts that notification based on traffic conditions. Fuck that would be helpful. 

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18547

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My wife and her sister Typhoon Mary have been sniping at each other all week. My wife has a friend who is going to be alone on Christmas and my wife wants to invite her over - we're hosting about 15 people for lunch. Typhoon Mary dislikes the friend and threatens to keep her entire family at home if my wife invites her.

Then the brother in law (the one who I actually like) invites the guy who plays bass in his band and his girlfriend over, neither of whom we've ever met. So I point out how stupid it is that my wife's good friend has to stay at home alone while we host two perfect strangers. 

Tensions are rising. None of this is sitting well with my wife. Thanksgiving was tame because Mary was sober for once. I have a feeling Christmas isn't going to go so smoothly. 

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3555

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6 hours ago, Telegraph_it said:

If only there was this device that almost everyone keeps on their person that can notify you when to leave and adjusts that notification based on traffic conditions. Fuck that would be helpful. 

Why? So they can wake up people near them with the notifications while they hit snooze for the next 45min?

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40301

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6 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife and her sister Typhoon Mary have been sniping at each other all week. My wife has a friend who is going to be alone on Christmas and my wife wants to invite her over - we're hosting about 15 people for lunch. Typhoon Mary dislikes the friend and threatens to keep her entire family at home if my wife invites her.

Then the brother in law (the one who I actually like) invites the guy who plays bass in his band and his girlfriend over, neither of whom we've ever met. So I point out how stupid it is that my wife's good friend has to stay at home alone while we host two perfect strangers. 

Tensions are rising. None of this is sitting well with my wife. Thanksgiving was tame because Mary was sober for once. I have a feeling Christmas isn't going to go so smoothly. 

Sorry you have to deal with that unnecessary bullshit. Honestly, maybe it's best to start cutting certain family members out of your life. Life is too short for all that bullshit. 

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6 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife and her sister Typhoon Mary have been sniping at each other all week. My wife has a friend who is going to be alone on Christmas and my wife wants to invite her over - we're hosting about 15 people for lunch. Typhoon Mary dislikes the friend and threatens to keep her entire family at home if my wife invites her.

Then the brother in law (the one who I actually like) invites the guy who plays bass in his band and his girlfriend over, neither of whom we've ever met. So I point out how stupid it is that my wife's good friend has to stay at home alone while we host two perfect strangers. 

Tensions are rising. None of this is sitting well with my wife. Thanksgiving was tame because Mary was sober for once. I have a feeling Christmas isn't going to go so smoothly. 

Everyone prepping for going to Mitch's Christmas...

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

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My wife and her sister Typhoon Mary have been sniping at each other all week. My wife has a friend who is going to be alone on Christmas and my wife wants to invite her over - we're hosting about 15 people for lunch. Typhoon Mary dislikes the friend and threatens to keep her entire family at home if my wife invites her.
Then the brother in law (the one who I actually like) invites the guy who plays bass in his band and his girlfriend over, neither of whom we've ever met. So I point out how stupid it is that my wife's good friend has to stay at home alone while we host two perfect strangers. 
Tensions are rising. None of this is sitting well with my wife. Thanksgiving was tame because Mary was sober for once. I have a feeling Christmas isn't going to go so smoothly. 

I’d call her bluff. Let the bass player/GF/friend eat with you and keep typhoon and her husband their home
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Aqua Buddha

Aqua Buddha 14588

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Calling their bluff is our go to move on Holiday Bitch Assedry.  If their alternative is sitting at home alone or some shit, they fold.

Wife’s sister (no pics but that’s a win here) demands Christmas morning at her house literally every year.  We generally don’t give a shit because we do our own thing most year.  Mom in law promised to come to our house.  Last week she told us she was at sisters instead.  (Never mind they live five miles from each other and she’s at her house literally every Christmas.)

Wife told mom in law that unless she’s at our house Christmas Eve, we‘ll never see her again at any Christmas ever.

She folded.

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18547

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The problem is that my kids are tight with mary's kids. They are all the same age and they want to hang out on Christmas together. Mary is such a selfish cunt that she would keep them all at home, with nothing to do, instead. It's like hezbollah using kids as human shields, except the terrorists are probably generally better human beings than my sister in law. So I could give two shits about Mary, I just want my kids to have fun on Christmas. 

3 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Sorry you have to deal with that unnecessary bullshit. Honestly, maybe it's best to start cutting certain family members out of your life. Life is too short for all that bullshit. 

There is nothing that I would like better than my wife cutting her sister out of our lives. She just won't fucking do it, no matter how toxic and dysfunctional their relationship is. It's actually gotten better over the years, believe it or not, with my wife setting better boundaries and her sister devolving into a bigger and bigger piece of shit. 

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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8407

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10 hours ago, Telegraph_it said:

If only there was this device that almost everyone keeps on their person that can notify you when to leave and adjusts that notification based on traffic conditions. Fuck that would be helpful. 

My wife has about a half dozen "reminder" alarms set up on her phone.  She usually turns the volume down too low for her to hear them, ostensibly so that she doesn't bother anyone else.  And when she does hear them, she views them more as guidelines than firm deadlines.  She very literally thinks that time will magically bend for her.  It is... frustrating.

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Telegraph_it

Telegraph_it 3357

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47 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

My wife has about a half dozen "reminder" alarms set up on her phone.  She usually turns the volume down too low for her to hear them, ostensibly so that she doesn't bother anyone else.  And when she does hear them, she views them more as guidelines than firm deadlines.  She very literally thinks that time will magically bend for her.  It is... frustrating.

My wife does the alarms but the volume is at 100. Thankfully I have learned you can call the phone to turn off the alarm without getting up. 

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21841

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On 12/18/2021 at 10:21 PM, usmc0331horn said:

Welp this Christmas is just fucking great. My stepdad apparently dropped dead this evening while watching the football game. My poor angel of a mom is beside herself and we all now have to go out to western Kansas to deal with it all instead of enjoying the season. I'm in shock. You know those men who are just alpha and know how to fix anything and everything and can work on any piece of machinery and car? That was my stepdad. You never imagine a guy like that dying. Like ever. They can't die can they? I don't think he suffered so that's good. Life can really suck sometimes. But we're gonna have a hell of a party in his honor. He loved MGD and drank it all the time when he was working in his shop. He loved woodturning lathes and spent countless hours after his day job working on them. Hated free time or down time. Always had to be doing something. RIP Tom Wallsmith. Now you can be with your son who died in Iraq.

Heavy stuff.  Sorry for your loss.  Sounds like a great guy.

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Sandman

Sandman 3403

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My MIL is one of the sweetest, kindest people on earth but she's got a burr in her saddle about one of my kids that works a lot and has missed some holiday stuff. She read my wife the riot act yesterday and my wife told her that there was nothing we could do, my kid is 20 and does what she wants. After giving my wife an earful, MIL goes down to my kid's work and tells the kid she expects her at MIL's house after work on Saturday. She told my wife that "she did a pinky-promise to be there". I am preparing for the fallout when the kid "forgets" or just doesn't show up. 

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Da Fino

Da Fino 2779

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7 minutes ago, Sandman said:

My MIL is one of the sweetest, kindest people on earth but she's got a burr in her saddle about one of my kids that works a lot and has missed some holiday stuff. She read my wife the riot act yesterday and my wife told her that there was nothing we could do, my kid is 20 and does what she wants. After giving my wife an earful, MIL goes down to my kid's work and tells the kid she expects her at MIL's house after work on Saturday. She told my wife that "she did a pinky-promise to be there". I am preparing for the fallout when the kid "forgets" or just doesn't show up. 

What the fuck? Your kid is smart for picking up holiday hours at that age. I really hope she forgets to show up. 

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12457

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Updating from my previous posts:  had both Thanksgiving and Xmas at mom's already.  Mom's husband seems to have made a real change.  He was conciliatory and polite.  They've finally kicked his 32 year old live-at-home son out of the house because he refused to get vaccinated (mom works at Mayo Clinic so it was a pretty big deal to her).  Said loser living at home was among our main gripes.  Maybe mom's husband is just putting on a good show, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves otherwise.  It looks like she's finally asserting herself in the relationship.

In-laws Thanksgiving gathering got interesting.  At one point my wife's entire family was yelling at each other over stupid shit, so I went out to the living room to watch football.  The yelling continued.  Finally I went into the kitchen, blew my lid and went off on them for them being so damn upset about truly meaningless shit (they were screaming at each other over how the turkey fryer should be set among other things) and not being able to show some gratitude for good they have it.  It seemed to have the desired effect, and the day recovered.  BIL actually thanked me for it.  We have Xmas there all day Friday, and FIL seems to be in better spirits recently.  I plan to take him mountain biking in the morning and bar hop on the way back to their house, so either he'll be in a great mood and everything will go smooth, or it will be a repeat of Thanksgiving.

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Ignatius

Ignatius 4017

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17 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

My wife and her sister Typhoon Mary have been sniping at each other all week. My wife has a friend who is going to be alone on Christmas and my wife wants to invite her over - we're hosting about 15 people for lunch. Typhoon Mary dislikes the friend and threatens to keep her entire family at home if my wife invites her.

Then the brother in law (the one who I actually like) invites the guy who plays bass in his band and his girlfriend over, neither of whom we've ever met. So I point out how stupid it is that my wife's good friend has to stay at home alone while we host two perfect strangers. 

Tensions are rising. None of this is sitting well with my wife. Thanksgiving was tame because Mary was sober for once. I have a feeling Christmas isn't going to go so smoothly. 

Dude, I could see maybe the rhythm guitarist but the fucking bass player? Bro, you gotta put your foot down…

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Ignatius

Ignatius 4017

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On 12/19/2021 at 1:21 AM, usmc0331horn said:

Welp this Christmas is just fucking great. My stepdad apparently dropped dead this evening while watching the football game. My poor angel of a mom is beside herself and we all now have to go out to western Kansas to deal with it all instead of enjoying the season. I'm in shock. You know those men who are just alpha and know how to fix anything and everything and can work on any piece of machinery and car? That was my stepdad. You never imagine a guy like that dying. Like ever. They can't die can they? I don't think he suffered so that's good. Life can really suck sometimes. But we're gonna have a hell of a party in his honor. He loved MGD and drank it all the time when he was working in his shop. He loved woodturning lathes and spent countless hours after his day job working on them. Hated free time or down time. Always had to be doing something. RIP Tom Wallsmith. Now you can be with your son who died in Iraq.

Sorry for your loss man; Tom sounds just like my Dad, who we lost about this time last year. Go comfort your Mom, and keep reminding her of all the good times….

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12457

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9 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

I am going to bitch about the weather forecast. 86° on fucking Christmas day in Austin? Having the AC running all day is bullshit.

Gonna be damn near 50 here on Xmas eve.  In northern Iowa.

We're leaving for Tucson on the 26th, and the highest high for the whole time we're there is 64.  Unbelievable.

Edited by Al_4_ISU
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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2282

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51 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Gonna be damn near 50 here on Xmas eve.  In northern Iowa.

We're leaving for Tucson on the 26th, and the highest high for the whole time we're there is 64.  Unbelievable.

I was in Tucson all week last week and it was cooler there than it was back home in northeast Texas.

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12457

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13 minutes ago, mininghorn88 said:

I was in Tucson all week last week and it was cooler there than it was back home in northeast Texas.

My grandparents winter in Queen Creek, and they got in the day before the tornadoes hit here (Wednesday, I think).  My grandpa said it was cooler there than it was in Iowa.

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4th&Five

4th&Five 41525

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5 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said:

I truly don't understand why so many folks are bitching about it being in the 80s on Christmas day. I'm looking forward to it. Can get out the skateboard. Tank top, board shorts and flip flops weather! 

I don’t need snow but 65-70 would be nice. Sunny and 86 is hot and we get enough of that for half the year. 

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Js1

Js1 85310

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4 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

I truly don't understand why so many folks are bitching about it being in the 80s on Christmas day. I'm looking forward to it. Can get out the skateboard. Tank top, board shorts and flip flops weather! 

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wd40

wd40 1976

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On 12/21/2021 at 1:33 PM, Al_4_ISU said:

In-laws Thanksgiving gathering got interesting.  At one point my wife's entire family was yelling at each other over stupid shit, so I went out to the living room to watch football.  The yelling continued.  Finally I went into the kitchen, blew my lid and went off on them for them being so damn upset about truly meaningless shit (they were screaming at each other over how the turkey fryer should be set among other things) and not being able to show some gratitude for good they have it.  It seemed to have the desired effect, and the day recovered.  BIL actually thanked me for it.  We have Xmas there all day Friday, and FIL seems to be in better spirits recently.  I plan to take him mountain biking in the morning and bar hop on the way back to their house, so either he'll be in a great mood and everything will go smooth, or it will be a repeat of Thanksgiving.

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25943

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So, it's my "extended" family, sort-of.  The events occur last night.

My GF has daughter that's married with two kids.   Nice family.  SIL ("John" for purposes of this post) is from Rancho Santa Fe...his folks have some dough. 

So, John's Mom decides to take John, his wife, and his two kids to see a live production of "Grinch" at the Old Globe in San Diego.  For those that aren't familiar, The Old Globe is a pretty cool venue that does a ton of stuff that ends up on Broadway.

Anyway, she springs for front-row seats.  Hires two limos.  One for John, wife, and kids, and another for herself and John's Dad.  John and family are about 35 miles N of the venue, so it's a fairly long limo ride.

Each limo is stocked with nice champagne, shrimp cocktails, chocolates, etc. Everybody dressed in their Sunday best. 

So they get there, arrange for the limo drivers to return at a set time, and go in.  But, they don't get in, because the $1600 worth of tickets that she bought are fakes, and it's a full house with no room anywhere.   

John's mom is so upset...loses her shit, feels like an idiot, is crying, etc.  (She's a super-lovely woman, not crazy as far as I can tell).  Anyway, in her upset-ness, she slips on the wet sidewalk and faceplants.  911 is called, and she's taken away in an ambulance.  Ambulance won't let John's dad go because COVID, so they get an uber. Ambulance takes her to a ghetto ER full of homeless, stabbing victims, etc. 

John's wife is calling the limo driver to get a ride back home and he's not answering. 

Wife and kids have to get an expensive uber home, and John, once he sees that Mom is stable, catches another expensive uber home so he can get his car and come back to drive Mom and Dad home. 

Mom has a concussion, and her face is bruised and bloodied.  Merry Christmas everyone!

 

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fuggled

fuggled 576

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So, it's my "extended" family, sort-of.  The events occur last night.
My GF has daughter that's married with two kids.   Nice family.  SIL ("John" for purposes of this post) is from Rancho Santa Fe...his folks have some dough. 
So, John's Mom decides to take John, his wife, and his two kids to see a live production of "Grinch" at the Old Globe in San Diego.  For those that aren't familiar, The Old Globe is a pretty cool venue that does a ton of stuff that ends up on Broadway.
Anyway, she springs for front-row seats.  Hires two limos.  One for John, wife, and kids, and another for herself and John's Dad.  John and family are about 35 miles N of the venue, so it's a fairly long limo ride.
Each limo is stocked with nice champagne, shrimp cocktails, chocolates, etc. Everybody dressed in their Sunday best. 
So they get there, arrange for the limo drivers to return at a set time, and go in.  But, they don't get in, because the $1600 worth of tickets that she bought are fakes, and it's a full house with no room anywhere.   
John's mom is so upset...loses her shit, feels like an idiot, is crying, etc.  (She's a super-lovely woman, not crazy as far as I can tell).  Anyway, in her upset-ness, she slips on the wet sidewalk and faceplants.  911 is called, and she's taken away in an ambulance.  Ambulance won't let John's dad go because COVID, so they get an uber. Ambulance takes her to a ghetto ER full of homeless, stabbing victims, etc. 
John's wife is calling the limo driver to get a ride back home and he's not answering. 
Wife and kids have to get an expensive uber home, and John, once he sees that Mom is stable, catches another expensive uber home so he can get his car and come back to drive Mom and Dad home. 
Mom has a concussion, and her face is bruised and bloodied.  Merry Christmas everyone!
 
Just curious, but how did she buy the tickets?

Sent from my Pixel 5 using Tapatalk

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25943

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From some "ticket broker" as far as I can tell.  They were told to pick up the seats at will call.  There were no tickets for them at will call.  She called some phone number that she had, and was told to stay in front of will call.  A minute or two later a young woman came up, asked her name, and handed her paper tickets.  Bogus paper tickets.


There's a bit of a telephone game here.  John's wife told my GF the story, and GF told me.  I'm sure more details will come out. 

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