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Official 2021 Bitch about family/Holiday Insanity

GhostOfTomJoad

By GhostOfTomJoad
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FloridaHorn
FloridaHorn

After reading, it is apparent that I am either related to several of you fuckers, or we are all living in some sort of parallel universe. I start my holiday story with only the following as a guide...

FloridaHorn
FloridaHorn

So, I showed up with a 18 lb turkey, and a glazed ham which set me back a little over $100 bucks. The entirety of the items brought by the rest of the Maypear Mafia may not have cost $50 in total. The

GhostOfTomJoad
GhostOfTomJoad

A common request on this board, but it ain't happening. They're not identical but definitely looked similar when younger. Mrs GOTJ is still stunning (exercise, good diet, takes care of herself, etc

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105069

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My father can’t help but say shit that comes across insulting to my wife.


My wife is like a hunter, searching for any hint of an insult.

Working 90 seconds of walking through the door, he said something she took as criticizing her stirring the queso. She walked off in a huff, and is now pouting in the living room while he chats with my daughter in the kitchen.

I get to enjoy a tense evening, then she’ll unload on me after he leaves, maybe even suggest that they spend Christmas in separate rooms tomorrow.

There ain’t enough booze for this.

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Hate

Hate 20106

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

My father can’t help but say shit that comes across insulting to my wife.


My wife is like a hunter, searching for any hint of an insult.

Working 90 seconds of walking through the door, he said something she took as criticizing her stirring the queso. She walked off in a huff, and is now pouting in the living room while he chats with my daughter in the kitchen.

I get to enjoy a tense evening, then she’ll unload on me after he leaves, maybe even suggest that they spend Christmas in separate rooms tomorrow.

There ain’t enough booze for this.

This is absolutely patently false.  

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25920

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44 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

My father can’t help but say shit that comes across insulting to my wife.


My wife is like a hunter, searching for any hint of an insult.

Working 90 seconds of walking through the door, he said something she took as criticizing her stirring the queso. She walked off in a huff, and is now pouting in the living room while he chats with my daughter in the kitchen.

I get to enjoy a tense evening, then she’ll unload on me after he leaves, maybe even suggest that they spend Christmas in separate rooms tomorrow.

There ain’t enough booze for this.

was she folding?  I'm from fucking California, but even I know that queso needs to be folded.    Your dad may or may not be an asshole.  I reserve judgement there. 

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Telegraph_it

Telegraph_it 3357

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First of five Christmases starts tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM sharp. The fifth will conclude at 6:30 PM on the 26th. Thankfully I am driving no further then 18 minutes from my house… the only problem is Hooks is 15 minutes away. 
 

Godspeed everyone. The goal is not to make everyone (or anyone) happy, just less upset. 

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Nice Guy Eddie

Nice Guy Eddie 13509

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PSA: only buy tickets from the event itself or from a verifiable market like stub hub. Also “too good to be true” always. $1600 for 6 front row tickets could be a stretch via a ticket agency/scalper for a holiday show right before Xmas.

high quality story. It could have ended with the fake tickets and gotten an A from me.  A resulting hospital visit takes it up to A++. 

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Js1

Js1 85278

Posted
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12 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

My father can’t help but say shit that comes across insulting to my wife.


My wife is like a hunter, searching for any hint of an insult.

Working 90 seconds of walking through the door, he said something she took as criticizing her stirring the queso. She walked off in a huff, and is now pouting in the living room while he chats with my daughter in the kitchen.

I get to enjoy a tense evening, then she’ll unload on me after he leaves, maybe even suggest that they spend Christmas in separate rooms tomorrow.

There ain’t enough booze for this.

image.gif.8825830d03032408a47b1ec031d55ac1.gif

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

My father can’t help but say shit that comes across insulting to my wife.


My wife is like a hunter, searching for any hint of an insult.

Working 90 seconds of walking through the door, he said something she took as criticizing her stirring the queso. She walked off in a huff, and is now pouting in the living room while he chats with my daughter in the kitchen.

I get to enjoy a tense evening, then she’ll unload on me after he leaves, maybe even suggest that they spend Christmas in separate rooms tomorrow.

There ain’t enough booze for this.

You're doing it wrong.  The trick is for you to keep sipping, while getting them hammered and watching the show!!!

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21829

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1 hour ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

PSA: only buy tickets from the event itself or from a verifiable market like stub hub. Also “too good to be true” always. $1600 for 6 front row tickets could be a stretch via a ticket agency/scalper for a holiday show right before Xmas.

high quality story. It could have ended with the fake tickets and gotten an A from me.  A resulting hospital visit takes it up to A++. 

With bar codes and the ability to cancel the existing codes and have them reissued, this is essential.  Scalping tix at an event like the old days is a thing of the past.  No way to know if the tix are any good.

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8083

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First of five Christmases starts tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM sharp. The fifth will conclude at 6:30 PM on the 26th. Thankfully I am driving no further then 18 minutes from my house… the only problem is Hooks is 15 minutes away. 
 
Godspeed everyone. The goal is not to make everyone (or anyone) happy, just less upset. 
Well me ex's relatives from DeKalb are either dead or in prison, so hey, less traffic.
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Sandman

Sandman 3403

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My sister got me some golf balls for Christmas. She intended to get orange ones but accidently ordered red. I laughed when I opened them, she was confused. I then reminded her that I am colorblind and once I hit one of these red balls onto the geen grass, I'll never see it again. No bitching here, it was hilarious.

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8083

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Ok so my Borderline personality disorder ex has a contribution.

Daughter is with me and mine today. We spent yesterday holed up in a bayou off Sabine lake, catching reds and then made it home for my stepbro and sis in laws annual Christmas eve. Today is all day with my parents and family.

Daughter gets a text from her mom. She has prepaid for brunch in Houston, reservations at 1. Today. Just in case her plans change.

Daughter texts her back "how nice. As my plans have been set for a year now, I will be over that way sometime after 5, if I still decide to come."

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9376

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19 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

Ok so my Borderline personality disorder ex has a contribution.

Daughter is with me and mine today. We spent yesterday holed up in a bayou off Sabine lake, catching reds and then made it home for my stepbro and sis in laws annual Christmas eve. Today is all day with my parents and family.

Daughter gets a text from her mom. She has prepaid for brunch in Houston, reservations at 1. Today. Just in case her plans change.

Daughter texts her back "how nice. As my plans have been set for a year now, I will be over that way sometime after 5, if I still decide to come."

Brunch is at 10. Let your ex know that she made reservations for a late lunch. 

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34702

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Not family, but our downstairs neighbor texted my wife at 0830 as we were opening and putting together presents for our early elementary aged kids to complain that he could hear them playing. Merry Christmas.
 

He’s a total chump who texts her because he would never have the balls text me or even come knock on the door. Dickhead is lucky they aren’t in the “wake up at 0430 on Christmas” stage anymore. 

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Js1

Js1 85278

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10 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Not family, but our downstairs neighbor texted my wife at 0830 as we were opening and putting together presents for our early elementary aged kids to complain that he could hear them playing. Merry Christmas.
 

He’s a total chump who texts her because he would never have the balls text me or even come knock on the door. Dickhead is lucky they aren’t in the “wake up at 0430 on Christmas” stage anymore. 

Sounds like he’s getting an early morning wake up soon image.gif.403a9e271d1c31416d441c0b81816bec.gif

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Slacks

Slacks 6819

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Imagine having @SydneyCarton talk to you, but louder and with more gin... And since he lives alone, he can't seem to stop talking until he falls asleep.

That's my father. Been here since Thursday. Got damn... We didnt speak this much when I was a child.... No need to catch up all at once.

My sister has been here since Monday with her fiance.

Love them to death, but damn...  My boys don't even want to be in the room.  I've been on the patio with my BIL.  He's cool. He's loud (he's a radio guy) but he knows when to STFU.

Going to the in-laws in a bit. More little loud kids. More old and loud boomers. 

Tomorrow is the real Christmas - when everyone goes home and shit is quiet.

Merry LOUD Christmas.

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ztejas

ztejas 43411

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1 hour ago, fuggled said:
1 hour ago, El Diablo said:
This never before met relative, are they white, with dreadlocks? 

White, straight blonde hair. Fire dancer is doing tarot card readings this morning. I suppose she's a multi purpose gypsy witch.

Sounds like she'd be dynamite in the sack.

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8083

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I'm so blessed not to have to deal with that bullshit.
God bless you, and glad you're getting quality time on the lake and such with your daughter!!!
 
Thanks.

Ex is extra salty this year as our son and new DIL are having their first Christmas, at Ft. Bragg.

Her field of fire now only includes her husband, elderly mother, and whatever minions she can co-opt.
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SydneyCarton

SydneyCarton 48056

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35 minutes ago, Snacks said:

Imagine having @SydneyCarton talk to you, but louder and with more gin... And since he lives alone, he can't seem to stop talking until he falls asleep.

That's my father. Been here since Thursday. Got damn... We didnt speak this much when I was a child.... No need to catch up all at once.

My sister has been here since Monday with her fiance.

Love them to death, but damn...  My boys don't even want to be in the room.  I've been on the patio with my BIL.  He's cool. He's loud (he's a radio guy) but he knows when to STFU.

Going to the in-laws in a bit. More little loud kids. More old and loud boomers. 

Tomorrow is the real Christmas - when everyone goes home and shit is quiet.

Merry LOUD Christmas.

Damn dude. My condolences. 

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Aqua Buddha

Aqua Buddha 14582

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Cross posting here.

This is my first Christmas with weed.  (Edibles.). I’ve a slow easy high for three days now, including today.  10mg mid morning and I’m chill but functional rest of the day.  Family bullshit hasn’t mattered.

Did hot yoga this morning while high.

Unexpectedly best Christmas ever.

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21829

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4 hours ago, fuggled said:
4 hours ago, El Diablo said:
This never before met relative, are they white, with dreadlocks? 

White, straight blonde hair. Fire dancer is doing tarot card readings this morning. I suppose she's a multi purpose gypsy witch.

Hoping for this, but guessing not?

 

1BD2D625-3DC2-42CC-AFA9-2AFB07BC6280.jpeg

B1A2636E-E92B-4EEE-8904-B141A9227473.jpeg

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4th&Five

4th&Five 41514

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Me to brother: Cardinals and Colts tonight should be good. 
 

Dad to everyone: I haven’t watched pro football since that guy took a knee. 

Few minutes later….

Me to brother: Played any golf lately?

Dad interrupts: You know Titleist won’t let you buy balls with “Let’s Go Brandon” printed on them?

Everyone: silence

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GhostOfTomJoad

GhostOfTomJoad 9323

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Wrong vibe for this thread as everything has been aces for us. Just the 2 of us so we ate, drank and made merry. On the sad side, this was our first xmas since our dog and oldest cat passed so it was rough not seeing them cuddle up together by the tree. It was even tougher not having a dog to give a prime rib bone to after smoking it last night.

And we got the greatest gift we could have received this morning. The MIL announced she's selling the ranch (already has a very interested buyer with cash in hand). We FaceTime'd with her this morning & she was absolutely glowing with happiness over how much her life is about to improve. On top of her announcing it, my BIL called me (3 sheets to the wind) to tell me how he basically told  our wives' brother that if he attempted any bullshit to change their mom's mind things would get very ugly for him. It was a Festivus miracle.

Edited by GhostOfTomJoad
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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I have to give my cousins credit, 5 hours of booze-filled conversation last night and politics only came up a couple times.  However, my cousin and her youngest daughter (21, no pics) somehow manage to work in "Covid is overblown, Omicron is no big deal, don't get the vaccine" into almost every conversation.  It's quite a gift.  

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Slacks

Slacks 6819

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8 hours ago, Aqua Buddha said:

Cross posting here.

This is my first Christmas with weed.  (Edibles.). I’ve a slow easy high for three days now, including today.  10mg mid morning and I’m chill but functional rest of the day.  Family bullshit hasn’t mattered.

Did hot yoga this morning while high.

Unexpectedly best Christmas ever.

I was 10mg yesterday watching old football games on patio with my BIL... Then my mom came over... Didn't mess it up.

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