Official 2021 Bitch about family/Holiday Insanity

[DigglerontheHoof 21207]

Cannot believe that W-E-W post was 15 years ago...damn.

[BearSchlong 8104]

Anyone else notice that in 2006 it was funny, but in 2021 it's funny with a little bit of racist cringe?

[Longhornstampede 3185]

2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

Anyone else notice that in 2006 it was funny, but in 2021 it's funny with a little bit of racist cringe?

That's one of the reasons it's so damn funny but I wouldn't call it racist. Dont be so sensitive

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

 

 I have to admire Shaquandrelle's hustle and grifting skills.

 

 

[Whatever 700]

I remember reading it when it was originally posted on HF and crying laughing. Each year since then has been the same, and this year was no different.

[Guest]

On 11/5/2021 at 9:21 AM, BearSchlong said:

Anyone else notice that in 2006 it was funny, but in 2021 it's funny with a little bit of racist cringe?

If you knew W-E-W, he's anything but that. There are some real life relationships in his life that he shared on here that made him feel more comfortable discussing things like race.  

[BearSchlong 8104]

Oh I'm not suggesting he is. I was being a hypersensitive ninny.  It's hard being white sometimes.

Edited November 8, 2021 by BearSchlong

[Js1 85449]

On 11/3/2021 at 7:13 AM, Longboard Horn said:

And I will hopefully be reading drama that happens between your sister and stepmom. 

Well my sister called yesterday to tell me that recently widowed mom (not even been 6 months) is seeing a new guy (yeah I get it, she's in her 60s now and doesn't want to be alone) and this guy wants to host the holidays at his house.  My sister has met him twice and I've never met him because I'm still in Denver.  

They all had lunch yesterday for my oldest nephew's 15th birthday.  Basically:

• He wants us all to come over to his house in The Woodlands and spend the WHOLE FUCKING DAY there
• My sister, who lives in Clear Lake, was like, yeah I really can't, I have a dog and a teenager and a 1 year old.
• New guy offers to have a limo pick her up in Clear Lake and drive them to The Woodlands.  Sister reiterates she has a dog at home and can't leave it that long.
• Dude offers to hire a dog sitter so they can stay all day and even stay the night and have a limo drive them back on Friday.
• And he gave my 15 year old nephew $200 cash for his birthday.

This all rubs me the wrong way.  It's the first holiday in a decade without my stepdad, who died from cancer in May of this year.  I missed the holidays last year because of COVID, so I don't really want to do anything with this new guy.  Now I have to figure out how to call my mom and be like "I'm not going to this thing.  If you want to, that's fine.  But I am not coming back home to be uncomfortable at some dude's house." 

I'm also staying at her house for 10 days between my moving back and when I move into the new place.  I fully expect that to be awkward and icy once I put my foot down.  I just wanted a quiet holiday with my mom, my sister and my 2 nephews and the obligatory "eat and run" appearance at my dad's. 

Edited November 8, 2021 by Js1

[GhostOfTomJoad 9342]

So rich old guy looking to buy acceptance from the family? Could be worse. At least he's not leaching off your recently widowed mom.

[Js1 85449]

51 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

So rich old guy looking to buy acceptance from the family? Could be worse. At least he's not leaching off your recently widowed mom.
 

This is true. Just rubs me the wrong way because it's been less than 6 months. 

But as my sister said yesterday, "If you're giving it out, we'll take some of it."  She's a single mom of a 15 year and a 1 year old. 

[Hook1997 5397]

1 hour ago, Js1 said:

Well my sister called yesterday to tell me that recently widowed mom (not even been 6 months) is seeing a new guy (yeah I get it, she's in her 60s now and doesn't want to be alone) and this guy wants to host the holidays at his house.  My sister has met him twice and I've never met him because I'm still in Denver.  

They all had lunch yesterday for my oldest nephew's 15th birthday.  Basically:

• He wants us all to come over to his house in The Woodlands and spend the WHOLE FUCKING DAY there
• My sister, who lives in Clear Lake, was like, yeah I really can't, I have a dog and a teenager and a 1 year old.
• New guy offers to have a limo pick her up in Clear Lake and drive them to The Woodlands.  Sister reiterates she has a dog at home and can't leave it that long.
• Dude offers to hire a dog sitter so they can stay all day and even stay the night and have a limo drive them back on Friday.
• And he gave my 15 year old nephew $200 cash for his birthday.

This all rubs me the wrong way.  It's the first holiday in a decade without my stepdad, who died from cancer in May of this year.  I missed the holidays last year because of COVID, so I don't really want to do anything with this new guy.  Now I have to figure out how to call my mom and be like "I'm not going to this thing.  If you want to, that's fine.  But I am not coming back home to be uncomfortable at some dude's house." 

I'm also staying at her house for 10 days between my moving back and when I move into the new place.  I fully expect that to be awkward and icy once I put my foot down.  I just wanted a quiet holiday with my mom, my sister and my 2 nephews and the obligatory "eat and run" appearance at my dad's. 

 

[MissingInAction 25132]

1 hour ago, Js1 said:

This is true. Just rubs me the wrong way because it's been less than 6 months. 

But as my sister said yesterday, "If you're giving it out, we'll take some of it."  She's a single mom of a 15 year and a 1 year old. 

Sounds like you're the one being the bitch in this situation. 

New guy is going all out to bring everyone together. What a monster. I bet he has good coke.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9342]

I could see why 6 months might be too soon for @Js1 to embrace the heavy handed approach. They're all adults so if the guy comes across like he's trying too hard it could start them off on the wrong foot. Which will likely just add to the richness of this thread in 2022!

Shit, my wife and I'd be thrilled if her mom found a sugar daddy. Her dad didn't leave a pot to piss in when he died in January.

[Js1 85449]

11 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

I could see why 6 months might be too soon for @Js1 to embrace the heavy handed approach. They're all adults so if the guy comes across like he's trying too hard it could start them off on the wrong foot. Which will likely just add to the richness of this thread in 2022!

Shit, my wife and I'd be thrilled if her mom found a sugar daddy. Her dad didn't leave a pot to piss in when he died in January.

My stepdad left her very comfortable. Very

The new guy is just trying very hard and idk how he’ll be with me. Just to be clear, it’s been 6 months since her husband died. This guy has been around for like 2 months 

Edited November 9, 2021 by Js1

[cactusflinthead 27601]

On 11/4/2021 at 10:45 AM, LW Goatman said:

I'd start my story but shit won't be decided until the day before because of my batshit crazy SIL and her ex-con 2nd husband's family plans being up in the air (yearly thing). There will be tears and yelling amongst my wife, her sister, and her mom the week leading up as this unfolds. 

Oh yeah this shows promise. Take good notes.

[MissingInAction 25132]

31 minutes ago, Js1 said:

My stepdad left her very comfortable. Very

The new guy is just trying very hard and idk how he’ll be with me. Just to be clear, it’s been 6 months since her husband died. This guy has been around for like 2 months 

Ok this brings more light to the situation.

Also apologies for calling you a bitch. That was un called for.

Does new guy have his own money? Could this be a shit on blast situation?

I'm down for whatever.

[Covri 6250]

34 minutes ago, Js1 said:

My stepdad left her very comfortable. Very

The new guy is just trying very hard and idk how he’ll be with me. Just to be clear, it’s been 6 months since her husband died. This guy has been around for like 2 months 

Curious how long he was your step dad/Moms husband?  

Two months seems a little short for him to host, attend maybe, but host is different.

[Kennythetiger 9411]

I think you should put your foot down about not spending all day there, but I think you should participate in the meal for your mom.  Take your own transportation and get the fuck out after dinner. Hell, he’s just trying to fit in and impress you guys so he can get laid. Same thing we’ve spent hours-days-years-decades discussing on here and Shaggy. 

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

 

Offering to hire a dog sitter and pay for a limo? Seems a little weirdish.

 

edit: Now that I think about it however, seems like a strong possibility for some epic bitching about your family/holiday insanity.

So, I vote "Do it".

 

Edited November 9, 2021 by High Plains Drifter

[Hate 20128]

If nothing else you need to go and vet the guy for your mom. She’s going to seek your approval/disapproval one way or another. You should go check him out. Maybe he’s really fucking creepy and you can let her know.

[Js1 85449]

31 minutes ago, Covri said:

Curious how long he was your step dad/Moms husband?  

Two months seems a little short for him to host, attend maybe, but host is different.

10 years 

[conVINCEd 21469]

The expectation that he, as the new guy on the block, can monopolize the whole day, is out of line.  The limo/dog sitter thing is a little creepy. I would ask what time the meal is being served, and arrive an appropriate amount of time prior to the meal, and leave after a little post-dinner hangout time.

Edited November 9, 2021 by conVINCEd

[Hate 20128]

The expectation that he, as the new guy on the block, can monopolize the whole day, is out of line.  The limo/dog sitter thing is a little creepy. I would ask what time the meal is being served, and arrive an appropriate amount of time prior to the meal, and leave after little post-dinner hangout time.

And this is reasonable as well.

[Knoxtnhorn 6064]

Well shit.  Before my MIL met Dale (see previous page), she left my FIL for an Elvis impersonator in Nashville.  She then left that guy for "Wrench Sink" (previous page).  Sounds like she was doing it wrong.

[Js1 85449]

2 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

The expectation that he, as the new guy on the block, can monopolize the whole day, is out of line.  The limo/dog sitter thing is a little creepy. I would ask what time the meal is being served, and arrive an appropriate amount of time prior to the meal, and leave after a little post-dinner hangout time.

Probably my plan unless my mom relents and does family only.  Plenty of other times to meet this dude. 

Stories will happen though. My sister is a drama queen and drinks too much. 

[conVINCEd 21469]

3 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Probably my plan unless my mom relents and does family only.  Plenty of other times to meet this dude. 

Stories will happen though. My sister is a drama queen and drinks too much. 

This is surly.  We all drink too much.

[Hate 20128]

Hey, speak for yourself!

[Sam Lin 3559]

3 hours ago, Hate said:

If nothing else you need to go and vet the guy for your mom. She’s going to seek your approval/disapproval one way or another. You should go check him out. Maybe he’s really fucking creepy awesome and you can let her know.

 

[Parliament 14272]

7 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

 At least he's not leaching off your recently widowed mom.
 

No he's just boinking her.  (Sorry)

[conVINCEd 21469]

7 minutes ago, Parliament said:

No he's just boinking her.  (Sorry)

Shoplifting the pootie.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9342]

No he's just boinking her.  (Sorry)

Oh absolutely. And what's better than having Thanksgiving at a stranger's house while looking around and wondering which pieces of furniture the dude has violated your mom on? Pass the turkey gravy, please.

[Kennythetiger 9411]

11 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

7 hours ago, Parliament said:

No he's just boinking her.  (Sorry)

Oh absolutely. And what's better than having Thanksgiving at a stranger's house while looking around and wondering which pieces of furniture the dude has violated your mom on? Pass the turkey gravy, please.

Have some couth, man. South Austin reads these threads sometimes. 

[Longboard Horn 40397]

33 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

7 hours ago, Parliament said:

No he's just boinking her.  (Sorry)

Oh absolutely. And what's better than having Thanksgiving at a stranger's house while looking around and wondering which pieces of furniture the dude has violated your mom on? Pass the turkey gravy, please.

He's passed her some gravy alright... 

[Al_4_ISU 12473]

Could be interesting over at my mom’s this year.

Last year we didn’t get together partially due to COVID and partially due to my dad and her husband (I refuse to call him step dad) getting in a fight back in June of 2020. My folks divorced when I was at in college, mainly because my mom had an affair with her current husband. My parents divorce turned ugly as my mom’s initial demands (2 farms where we had lived when I was little) turned into my old man writing a check for half his net worth.

As some of you know, we farm, and my mom’s husband does too. Our farm is very successful, and he had gone bankrupt and was working as a hired hand for another farmer. The next fall he was farming again with nice shiny new equipment. Hmmm. Wonder who was behind the escalating demand?

On top of that, my mom told some outright lies to make my dad look bad and justify her falling for this bozo, and thus my old man has been pretty sore about this for years (even though very few people actually bought these stories).

Cut to several years ago, and every time my old man meets her husband on the road (we farm all around their house), husband starts giving my old man the bird (husband doesn’t deny this). At first my dad finds it funny, but it starts to escalate into husband swerving at my dad’s vehicle and my dad decides to confront him. My dad confronts him in June of ‘20 and escalates to the point where my dad body slams him and spits in his face. Husband (physically unharmed in fight) files assault charges, dad pleads guilty, we expect life to move on.

Nope. Husband refuses to let my brother and I in their home because we’re generally Team Dad and he knows we’ve never really accepted him for obvious reasons. Culminates with mom offering to watch my brothers kids during Iowa/ISU game this year, but brother and SIL are not welcome. My brother tells her to pound sand - his kids aren’t staying anywhere he’s not welcome. I take his side (don’t have kids myself).

Flash forward to last couple weeks, and mom wants to get together for Thanksgiving. We’re going over to her place on Thanksgiving day and I have no idea if husband will be present. I think it’s hilarious that he’s still pissed at my brother and I because he got his ass kicked in a fight he initiated and has never really taken responsibility for. If I never saw him again, I would be fine with that, but for the sake of extended family events and such, it’s something that needs to be moved past, which gets difficult when he’s in the throes of a multi-year hissy fit.

[BearSchlong 8104]

Sounds like he needs his ass kicked again.

[Al_4_ISU 12473]

Sounds like he needs his ass kicked again.

I’d enjoy it, but I’ve been trying to manage a functioning relationship with my mom.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9342]

#Team Body Slamming Dad

That's all kinds of messed up. Any chance you can start conversations with husband #2 with "so what was it like being a rented farm hand at an advanced age? Was that hard work?"

My dad's been married 3 times. His current wife (it will be 33 years this turkey day, coincidentally) is the principle reason nether me 2 sisters or I visit them at the holidays. Yeah, he gave us all a pass when they moved to CO, but in 20 years my sisters have each spent Thanksgiving with them exactly once each. I've spent zero with them. Big sis did when both of her daughters were in college 45 minutes away from our dad, and middle sis did once when she'd moved to Denver for 18 mos.

Wife #3 (who declared we were NEVER to refer to her as stepmom; no problem there) is only happy when creating conflict & trying to turn my sisters and me against one another by telling lies and attributing them to us. This worked for the first 15 years of their marriage until my sisters and I sat down to hash out all of our issues only to realize we'd all been pawns in her game and worse, our dad was aware & rather than squashing this shit he turned a blind eye.

Now, those of you who were fortunate enough to have relatively normal upbringingings and maybe didn't have to experience a divorce or two before you were college age might be saying "how the fuck does a father not stand up for his adult children's honor?" Easy: the old man is whipped by the knowledge that if he ever takes up with his family over her she will divorce him & take every bit of their considerable estate with her.

Big sister said her piece about 10 years ago when she'd had enough of the psychological warfare & the impact it was having on her 2 kids & husband. She's been excommunicated.

Middle sis (the codependent one) tries to maintain peace at any cost while seeking dad's constant approval which has ridiculous strings attached.

Mrs GOTJ and I play Switzerland for the most part as I am (currently...I'm reminded regularly things are fluid) named as a representative/executor of his estate. So I'm biting my tongue in an attempt to prevent the few family mementos he has we desperately want to keep in the family from being sold on eBay by the she-devil. But as I'm the only son I at least have the ability to talk to him man to man which normally works for 2-3 years. The last one of these talks happened about 4 years ago when I visited him in the summer to help clear up the last of his parent's estate & talk about his estate plans. So a manufactured turmoil is overdue.

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

10 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

This is surly.  We all drink too much.

 

Define "too much".

 

 

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Could be interesting over at my mom’s this year.

Last year we didn’t get together partially due to COVID and partially due to my dad and her husband (I refuse to call him step dad) getting in a fight back in June of 2020. My folks divorced when I was at in college, mainly because my mom had an affair with her current husband. My parents divorce turned ugly as my mom’s initial demands (2 farms where we had lived when I was little) turned into my old man writing a check for half his net worth.

As some of you know, we farm, and my mom’s husband does too. Our farm is very successful, and he had gone bankrupt and was working as a hired hand for another farmer. The next fall he was farming again with nice shiny new equipment. Hmmm. Wonder who was behind the escalating demand?

On top of that, my mom told some outright lies to make my dad look bad and justify her falling for this bozo, and thus my old man has been pretty sore about this for years (even though very few people actually bought these stories).

Cut to several years ago, and every time my old man meets her husband on the road (we farm all around their house), husband starts giving my old man the bird (husband doesn’t deny this). At first my dad finds it funny, but it starts to escalate into husband swerving at my dad’s vehicle and my dad decides to confront him. My dad confronts him in June of ‘20 and escalates to the point where my dad body slams him and spits in his face. Husband (physically unharmed in fight) files assault charges, dad pleads guilty, we expect life to move on.

Nope. Husband refuses to let my brother and I in their home because we’re generally Team Dad and he knows we’ve never really accepted him for obvious reasons. Culminates with mom offering to watch my brothers kids during Iowa/ISU game this year, but brother and SIL are not welcome. My brother tells her to pound sand - his kids aren’t staying anywhere he’s not welcome. I take his side (don’t have kids myself).

Flash forward to last couple weeks, and mom wants to get together for Thanksgiving. We’re going over to her place on Thanksgiving day and I have no idea if husband will be present. I think it’s hilarious that he’s still pissed at my brother and I because he got his ass kicked in a fight he initiated and has never really taken responsibility for. If I never saw him again, I would be fine with that, but for the sake of extended family events and such, it’s something that needs to be moved past, which gets difficult when he’s in the throes of a multi-year hissy fit.

 

her husband (guy who got body slammed) is probably an Iowa fan, amirite?

 

[Al_4_ISU 12473]

 
her husband (guy who got body slammed) is probably an Iowa fan, amirite?
 

100%. He’s obsessed with Campbell leaving and has been railing every year that he’s as good as gone.

You can generally tell a good Iowa farmer from a subpar one on whether or not they root for Iowa or ISU. I know one or two good operation headed by Iowa fans, but generally the better operations are ISU fans (because they’re ISU alum).

[Js1 85449]

Very much here for the Iowa vs ISU farming fight. Who would have thunk it 

[Al_4_ISU 12473]

I’ve posted in previous iterations of this thread about my fun hating MIL trying to stop fun loving FIL from having fun and drama ensuing, but I’m slowly drifting to team MIL.

Over the past 2 years, FIL has just gotten angrier and less fun. He got super into the Trump thing during the last election, and (no CR), anger is a big part of that lifestyle. He’s squarely in their demographic (middle age white guy with little formal education in rural America) and has become increasingly prone to rants about Fox News talking points and life in general not being fair if he doesn’t get his way.

There have been a couple public freak outs (including one at brewery where my BIL works - finally got a job; still living at home at 29) that really pissed my wife off. I wasn’t present for these, but I generally seem to be able to talk sense into him. Hopefully we get the fun version for the holidays, but that’s anyone’s guess these days.

[Kennythetiger 9411]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Could be interesting over at my mom’s this year.

Last year we didn’t get together partially due to COVID and partially due to my dad and her husband (I refuse to call him step dad) getting in a fight back in June of 2020. My folks divorced when I was at in college, mainly because my mom had an affair with her current husband. My parents divorce turned ugly as my mom’s initial demands (2 farms where we had lived when I was little) turned into my old man writing a check for half his net worth.

As some of you know, we farm, and my mom’s husband does too. Our farm is very successful, and he had gone bankrupt and was working as a hired hand for another farmer. The next fall he was farming again with nice shiny new equipment. Hmmm. Wonder who was behind the escalating demand?

On top of that, my mom told some outright lies to make my dad look bad and justify her falling for this bozo, and thus my old man has been pretty sore about this for years (even though very few people actually bought these stories).

Cut to several years ago, and every time my old man meets her husband on the road (we farm all around their house), husband starts giving my old man the bird (husband doesn’t deny this). At first my dad finds it funny, but it starts to escalate into husband swerving at my dad’s vehicle and my dad decides to confront him. My dad confronts him in June of ‘20 and escalates to the point where my dad body slams him and spits in his face. Husband (physically unharmed in fight) files assault charges, dad pleads guilty, we expect life to move on.

Nope. Husband refuses to let my brother and I in their home because we’re generally Team Dad and he knows we’ve never really accepted him for obvious reasons. Culminates with mom offering to watch my brothers kids during Iowa/ISU game this year, but brother and SIL are not welcome. My brother tells her to pound sand - his kids aren’t staying anywhere he’s not welcome. I take his side (don’t have kids myself).

Flash forward to last couple weeks, and mom wants to get together for Thanksgiving. We’re going over to her place on Thanksgiving day and I have no idea if husband will be present. I think it’s hilarious that he’s still pissed at my brother and I because he got his ass kicked in a fight he initiated and has never really taken responsibility for. If I never saw him again, I would be fine with that, but for the sake of extended family events and such, it’s something that needs to be moved past, which gets difficult when he’s in the throes of a multi-year hissy fit.

All the pussy and half the money. 

[Shoxthemonkey 1982]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I’d enjoy it, but I’ve been trying to manage a functioning relationship with my mom.

I don't have a functioning relationship with your mother. Mind if I have a go at beating his ass?

[Longboard Horn 40397]

2 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I’d enjoy it, but I’ve been trying to manage a functioning relationship with my mom.

Sorry you have to deal with that, but it might be a lost cause. Especially if the grandkids are welcome in her house but your SIL and brother aren't. It's like this, if shit gets worse and she wonders why, just tell her, "you made your bed, have a nice nap..." 

[Al_4_ISU 12473]

I don't have a functioning relationship with your mother. Mind if I have a go at beating his ass?

Nope.

I should add that he’s been known to wear those visors with fake Guy Fieri hair. He also loves to trash large scale agriculture despite the fact that the nice house he lives in, and all the new equipment that allows him to play gentleman farmer was purchased with money generated by large scale agriculture.

[Al_4_ISU 12473]

Sorry you have to deal with that, but it might be a lost cause. Especially if the grandkids are welcome in her house but your SIL and brother aren't. It's like this, if shit gets worse and she wonders why, just tell her, "you made your bed, have a nice nap..." 

It might get there, and I’ve made peace with that. Just not ready to throw in the towel yet.

I think her inviting all of us there for Thanksgiving is a positive step.

[Fuck Tim Beck 3834]

18 hours ago, Js1 said:

Well my sister called yesterday to tell me that recently widowed mom (not even been 6 months) is seeing a new guy (yeah I get it, she's in her 60s now and doesn't want to be alone) and this guy wants to host the holidays at his house.  My sister has met him twice and I've never met him because I'm still in Denver.  

They all had lunch yesterday for my oldest nephew's 15th birthday.  Basically:

• He wants us all to come over to his house in The Woodlands and spend the WHOLE FUCKING DAY there
• My sister, who lives in Clear Lake, was like, yeah I really can't, I have a dog and a teenager and a 1 year old.
• New guy offers to have a limo pick her up in Clear Lake and drive them to The Woodlands.  Sister reiterates she has a dog at home and can't leave it that long.
• Dude offers to hire a dog sitter so they can stay all day and even stay the night and have a limo drive them back on Friday.
• And he gave my 15 year old nephew $200 cash for his birthday.

This all rubs me the wrong way.  It's the first holiday in a decade without my stepdad, who died from cancer in May of this year.  I missed the holidays last year because of COVID, so I don't really want to do anything with this new guy.  Now I have to figure out how to call my mom and be like "I'm not going to this thing.  If you want to, that's fine.  But I am not coming back home to be uncomfortable at some dude's house." 

I'm also staying at her house for 10 days between my moving back and when I move into the new place.  I fully expect that to be awkward and icy once I put my foot down.  I just wanted a quiet holiday with my mom, my sister and my 2 nephews and the obligatory "eat and run" appearance at my dad's. 

A dog sitter AND a limo you say? 

 

[Al_4_ISU 12473]

#Team Body Slamming Dad

That's all kinds of messed up. Any chance you can start conversations with husband #2 with "so what was it like being a rented farm hand at an advanced age? Was that hard work?"

My dad's been married 3 times. His current wife (it will be 33 years this turkey day, coincidentally) is the principle reason nether me 2 sisters or I visit them at the holidays. Yeah, he gave us all a pass when they moved to CO, but in 20 years my sisters have each spent Thanksgiving with them exactly once each. I've spent zero with them. Big sis did when both of her daughters were in college 45 minutes away from our dad, and middle sis did once when she'd moved to Denver for 18 mos.

Wife #3 (who declared we were NEVER to refer to her as stepmom; no problem there) is only happy when creating conflict & trying to turn my sisters and me against one another by telling lies and attributing them to us. This worked for the first 15 years of their marriage until my sisters and I sat down to hash out all of our issues only to realize we'd all been pawns in her game and worse, our dad was aware & rather than squashing this shit he turned a blind eye.

Now, those of you who were fortunate enough to have relatively normal upbringingings and maybe didn't have to experience a divorce or two before you were college age might be saying "how the fuck does a father not stand up for his adult children's honor?" Easy: the old man is whipped by the knowledge that if he ever takes up with his family over her she will divorce him & take every bit of their considerable estate with her.

Big sister said her piece about 10 years ago when she'd had enough of the psychological warfare & the impact it was having on her 2 kids & husband. She's been excommunicated.

Middle sis (the codependent one) tries to maintain peace at any cost while seeking dad's constant approval which has ridiculous strings attached.

Mrs GOTJ and I play Switzerland for the most part as I am (currently...I'm reminded regularly things are fluid) named as a representative/executor of his estate. So I'm biting my tongue in an attempt to prevent the few family mementos he has we desperately want to keep in the family from being sold on eBay by the she-devil. But as I'm the only son I at least have the ability to talk to him man to man which normally works for 2-3 years. The last one of these talks happened about 4 years ago when I visited him in the summer to help clear up the last of his parent's estate & talk about his estate plans. So a manufactured turmoil is overdue.

Man, that sucks. Seems like you have a well adjusted handle on it at least.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9342]

15 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Man, that sucks. Seems like you have a well adjusted handle on it at least.

Therapy did wonders. I came to terms with a whole lot of shit about 25 years ago when my first marriage was crumbling. It was a lot of work, but the tools you learn can last a lifetime. I admire your desire to maintain civil relationships in a complex dynamic.

My shit became relatively easy when I took a deeper look at how generations of my family members interacted. I didn't exactly say "fuck it, y'all are on your own" or turn my back to anyone. But fostering reciprocal relationships where family works together became key. "You want to work in unison to build healthy, loving relationships? I'm in. Let's do it together. You want to maintain old grudges & bicker for the sake of wallowing in self pity? Sorry. Ain't nobody got time for that."

A sense of humor--especially the ability to laugh at myself hardest--goes a long, long way in this world.

[TrashMaster G 17581]

6 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Could be interesting over at my mom’s this year.

Last year we didn’t get together partially due to COVID and partially due to my dad and her husband (I refuse to call him step dad) getting in a fight back in June of 2020. My folks divorced when I was at in college, mainly because my mom had an affair with her current husband. My parents divorce turned ugly as my mom’s initial demands (2 farms where we had lived when I was little) turned into my old man writing a check for half his net worth.

As some of you know, we farm, and my mom’s husband does too. Our farm is very successful, and he had gone bankrupt and was working as a hired hand for another farmer. The next fall he was farming again with nice shiny new equipment. Hmmm. Wonder who was behind the escalating demand?

On top of that, my mom told some outright lies to make my dad look bad and justify her falling for this bozo, and thus my old man has been pretty sore about this for years (even though very few people actually bought these stories).

Cut to several years ago, and every time my old man meets her husband on the road (we farm all around their house), husband starts giving my old man the bird (husband doesn’t deny this). At first my dad finds it funny, but it starts to escalate into husband swerving at my dad’s vehicle and my dad decides to confront him. My dad confronts him in June of ‘20 and escalates to the point where my dad body slams him and spits in his face. Husband (physically unharmed in fight) files assault charges, dad pleads guilty, we expect life to move on.

Nope. Husband refuses to let my brother and I in their home because we’re generally Team Dad and he knows we’ve never really accepted him for obvious reasons. Culminates with mom offering to watch my brothers kids during Iowa/ISU game this year, but brother and SIL are not welcome. My brother tells her to pound sand - his kids aren’t staying anywhere he’s not welcome. I take his side (don’t have kids myself).

Flash forward to last couple weeks, and mom wants to get together for Thanksgiving. We’re going over to her place on Thanksgiving day and I have no idea if husband will be present. I think it’s hilarious that he’s still pissed at my brother and I because he got his ass kicked in a fight he initiated and has never really taken responsibility for. If I never saw him again, I would be fine with that, but for the sake of extended family events and such, it’s something that needs to be moved past, which gets difficult when he’s in the throes of a multi-year hissy fit.

Someone needs to say this to his face.