Official 2021 Bitch about family/Holiday Insanity

[Mango4 189]

Looking forward to spending thanksgiving with my wife’s step dad that takes Infowars protein powder and vitamins.

[Longhornstampede 3,182]

On 11/17/2021 at 7:26 AM, Parliament said:

Re: brisket and other nontraditional Thanksgiving foods.  The "traditional" Thanksgiving dinner as we know it today isn't what they had in 1640 or whatever.  So make the meal you want, and make it kick ass.  God bless America.

I'm fixing fajitas!

[El Diablo 4,232]

I'm doing pot roast. We'll also have tamales. There will be jellied cranberry sauce. 

[Longboard Horn 40,301]

17 hours ago, FloridaHorn said:

After reading, it is apparent that I am either related to several of you fuckers, or we are all living in some sort of parallel universe. I start my holiday story with only the following as a guide...

My Grandmother, God rest her soul, had 4 children. Two boys and two girls whom she name Sherry, Jerry, Garry and Larry. Here is a brief description of each of those individuals.

 

Sherry - Her and her husband are religous freaks, and the parents of twin girls and a very gay son. The girls have each been married 3+ times, have rarely been able to hold down jobs, and each have multiple baby daddies, but they do no wrong in their parents eyes. The son, due to his sexuality, is never spoken to or about, as if he doesn't really exist. 

Jerry - My mother. Married/Divorced 5 times. Unemployed for the last 20 years of her life, which she spent living with my Grandmother and Garry. She passed away this year, about 3 weeks after my grandmother passed.

Garry - Raging redneck alcoholic, supreme racist and unashamed homophobe. He too has been unemployed for the better part of 20 years and lived with my mother and grandmother in her trailer. The same trailer which he burned down only 2 weeks after her death, due to smoking in bed. He now lives in a 5th wheel travel trailer on Sherry's property. He received $30,000 in insurance money for the burned trailer. Spent 20K on the trailer and the rest on "primo weed".

Larry - Chain smoking cardiac patient with severe COPD. Removes his oxygen mask to smoke another unfiltered camel. The outcast of the family, only comes around for these festive holiday times.

other attendees

The Grandchildren -  Sherry's kids -Twin sisters, both pushing 3 bills and each on husbands number 3, and their gay brother and his partner.

My wife and I. I am the only college educated professional person in the family. We will fly into town, rent a car and stay in a hotel. We will each be subjected to countless stares and questions about our personal finances. We are generally looked down upon, because we have been successful. 

My brother.....40 years old with wife and two kids. He has had at least 30 jobs prior to landing his dream gig as a Budweiser delivery person.

Gary's Kids - 1 girl and two boys, all grown. The youngest just finished a 10 year turn for meth possession/distribution. 

Traditional Thanksgiving dinner, served buffet style on paper plates, Budweiser, sweet tea and boxed wine to drink, followed by yelling at the TV for the entire Cowboy game. By halftime, most will be drunk or pissed off, several will have stormed out and headed home and my wife and I will be smelling of second hand smoke, and swearing this is the last year we attend. 

 

Its a family tradition.

 

[Longboard Horn 40,301]

16 hours ago, FloridaHorn said:

LOL...it damn sure does, but home is Texas and that is where the festivities and family is at. Grew up a little south of Dallas, but the entire family now lives on one 20 acre compound in Maypearl.

Maypearl... part of shitfuck Texas. 

[Longboard Horn 40,301]

23 hours ago, pearlandhorn said:

So my SIL called my wife at 11 PM last night. Her husband had to be transported to the hospital burn unit via ambulance last night. He won’t tell anyone how it happened but it involves a camp fire and gasoline. Half of his face is bandaged up and he has first and second degree burns on his face and arms. This is the one that is almost 40 and has never had an employer or job in his life. Thanksgiving can’t get here soon enough.

 

16 hours ago, dcbc said:

I'm going to go ahead and cast my vote:  he was lighting another dude's farts.

[topochico 1,049]

In-laws are already in town for Thanksgiving. Both have always been fundamental Baptist/Republican types. They have, until recently, had the common courtesy to keep politics out of polite conversation. MIL still follows this approach, but the FIL has now decided its perfectly fine to interject politics into any conversation.

My son was discussing his Statistics class with everyone and FIL starts quoting "false" CDC statistics about COVID and how easily you can manipulate stats . These people were hunkered down in their house for well over a year and a half afraid to leave to do anything since the pandemic began. They have only now started to venture out after getting their booster and seeing the numbers of COVID cases drop off. I was perfectly happy that they were being safe and got vaccinated early on, but I was sitting there listening to him with flashes of Kanye and Taylor Swift at the VMA's in my brain. "Dad, I'm gonna let you finish, but......."

They are in their 80's and the FIL thankfully survived a pancreatic cancer diagnosis on Christmas eve 2 years ago. We are honestly grateful he is even alive to be with us right now, but damn if my grill didn't have temperature issues last night so I had to stay out there and watch it like a hawk to make sure I didn't burn the food while he discussed errors in statistical data sets. 
 

[Telegraph_it 3,357]

@topochico Wtf. They are already in town!? Thanksgiving is 6 days away!

[4th&Five 41,525]

Damn. Page 7 brought it. 

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,324]

Just about loaded up for the trip out to Harper for the early Thanksgiving with the MIL. Gonna spend the days doing chores around the ranch and at night I'll tend the grill (lobster tails and fillets). It's too damn dry out there for a bonfire, but we'll enjoy some wine & do some stargazing.

I have no cell signal out there so unless the BIL got the wifi router working again I'm going to be in the dark on this thread. Hold down the fort, people.

[topochico 1,049]

1 hour ago, Telegraph_it said:

@topochico Wtf. They are already in town!? Thanksgiving is 6 days away!

Exactly. And yet, here we are. 

[Longboard Horn 40,301]

1 hour ago, Telegraph_it said:

@topochico Wtf. They are already in town!? Thanksgiving is 6 days away!

Reminds me of the year when @chesthair told us about his wife's family coming in the weekend before for "early Thanksgiving"

[Parliament 14,255]

My family is exceedingly normal.  Boring, really.  They're all working professionals who save 10% of their salary (plys 6% company match) for retirement.  The trade tips and tricks on obscure Excel spreadsheet formulas.  Some of Conservative.  Some are Liberal.  I don't know who is who, as they never discuss politics...

...so I imagine they're over on a respectable website saying bad things about me.  (I put beans on my chili, then spread that chili on top of spaghetti noodles.)

[Longboard Horn 40,301]

3 minutes ago, Parliament said:

My family is exceedingly normal.  Boring, really.  They're all working professionals who save 10% of their salary (plys 6% company match) for retirement.  The trade tips and tricks on obscure Excel spreadsheet formulas.  Some of Conservative.  Some are Liberal.  I don't know who is who, as they never discuss politics...

...so I imagine they're over on a respectable website saying bad things about me.  (I put beans on my chili, then spread that chili on top of spaghetti noodles.)

[ABSR 5,309]

3 hours ago, Parliament said:

My family is exceedingly normal.  Boring, really.  They're all working professionals who save 10% of their salary (plys 6% company match) for retirement.  The trade tips and tricks on obscure Excel spreadsheet formulas.  Some of Conservative.  Some are Liberal.  I don't know who is who, as they never discuss politics...

...so I imagine they're over on a respectable website saying bad things about me.  (I put beans on my chili, then spread that chili on top of spaghetti noodles.)

Ban user, Nuke IP address.  ... Only way to be sure.

[conVINCEd 21,469]

Cousin is back in the clink for violating a restraining order, so I probably won’t have much to contribute.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,324]

Wifi is working. We took a long walk around the ranch. Saw my shadow. 6 more weeks of heresy.

[Longhornstampede 3,182]

7 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Cousin is back in the clink for violating a restraining order, so I probably won’t have much to contribute.

That was quick...

[cactusflinthead 27,598]

7 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Cousin is back in the clink for violating a restraining order, so I probably won’t have much to contribute.

I'd appreciate a reset. This year seems to be moving fast.

[conVINCEd 21,469]

Just now, Longhornstampede said:

That was quick...

He’s an overachiever.  The restraining order was from his immediate family, so that is why the Holidays might have been interesting, because he probably would’ve shown up looking for money.  I’m shocked he didn’t hit me up within hours of getting out., as I am probably the most sympathetic to his cause.

[Hook1997 5,354]

21 hours ago, Mango4 said:

Looking forward to spending thanksgiving with my wife’s step dad that takes Infowars protein powder and vitamins.

My dad’s wives son (yea later in  my life marriage I don’t call these people step) takes the info wars silver supplements and has huge tubs of their rice and beans ect doomsday prepper shit.  He’s weird as hell and seems drugged up off the infowars silver ect.   I refuse to spend any holiday events with her or her kids anymore so no holidays contributions from them.  

Edited November 20, 2021 by Hook1997

[Guest]

On 11/19/2021 at 4:30 AM, El Diablo said:

I'm doing pot roast. We'll also have tamales. There will be jellied cranberry sauce. 

Cranberry sauce and tamales...  that'd be quite the conversation starter.

Not knocking it, because i'd be willing to try, especially with a little heat added to the cranberries; but for the uninitiated, it might just be a spectacular way of preventing future visits.

[Kennythetiger 9,377]

48 minutes ago, slorch said:

Cranberry sauce and tamales...  that'd be quite the conversation starter.

Not knocking it, because i'd be willing to try, especially with a little heat added to the cranberries; but for the uninitiated, it might just be a spectacular way of preventing future visits.

Tamales with some sort of pepper jelly has piqued my interest. 

[Knoxtnhorn 5,974]

So we made it to TN last night with only one minor issue.  When my SIL took over driving, she damn near killed us.  

Tomorrow we're going to complete the most poorly planned "spreading of ashes" ceremony (MIL) I've ever seen.

My wife and SIL put together a slide show... for a ceremony ... outdoors, in the mountains.  When I asked where they expected to show this 28-minute masterpiece, they had no idea.

When completed, apparently all 20 or so of us are to go to a restaurant in Gatlingburg WITHOUT a reservation or call ahead. 

I can't wait to see how this works out.

[Kennythetiger 9,377]

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,324]

Just spent the morning mucking horse stalls that hadn't been tended to in a year. Now I'm sitting down to watch the Longhorns game. I'm well prepared for seeing large piles of shit.

[Telegraph_it 3,357]

2 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

So we made it to TN last night with only one minor issue.  When my SIL took over driving, she damn near killed us.  

Tomorrow we're going to complete the most poorly planned "spreading of ashes" ceremony (MIL) I've ever seen.

My wife and SIL put together a slide show... for a ceremony ... outdoors, in the mountains.  When I asked where they expected to show this 28-minute masterpiece, they had no idea.

When completed, apparently all 20 or so of us are to go to a restaurant in Gatlingburg WITHOUT a reservation or call ahead. 

I can't wait to see how this works out.

Gatlinburg is one of the most overcrowded, touristy death traps that ever existed. Good luck. 

[Kennythetiger 9,377]

Be the guy that calls ahead. You owe it to the hostess, the waitstaff, and yourself. 

[nnm 36,360]

36 minutes ago, Telegraph_it said:

Gatlinburg is one of the most overcrowded, touristy death traps that ever existed. Good luck. 

Fredericksburg says hi. 

[Knoxtnhorn 5,974]

4 hours ago, Telegraph_it said:

Gatlinburg is one of the most overcrowded, touristy death traps that ever existed. Good luck. 

 

3 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Be the guy that calls ahead. You owe it to the hostess, the waitstaff, and yourself. 

Exactly.  I'd call, but I've purposely removed myself from all of the "festivities".

[Knoxtnhorn 5,974]

4 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Just spent the morning mucking horse stalls that hadn't been tended to in a year. Now I'm sitting down to watch the Longhorns game. I'm well prepared for seeing large piles of shit.

And large piles of shit you shall receive.

[tx 3 putt 76,905]

4 hours ago, nnm said:

Fredericksburg says hi. 

 

visited on a mon / tues / weds and it was very quiet / pleasant 

[956 Worldwide 34,705]

Guess this belongs here. We live…far from family. Just the wife, me and the kids for most Thanksgivings.

The oldest came back hot for COVID today. We have her stashed away from the little one, who managed not to get it. We’re both vaxxed X3.

So our Thanksgiving will be one of us eating in the separate room with the oldest. The other with our little one, who asked me tonight if she couldn’t sit next to her sister “just on Thanskgiving, I bet there won’t be COVID on Thanksgiving.”

Fuck the 2020s. 

[Guadaloopy 10,960]

Preface to this year’s holiday drama: Mom and Dad were high school sweethearts.  Been together since they were 15.   Right before they graduate high school, Mom gets pregnant.  Both sets of grandparents conducted themselves like assholes in that situation, and she was sent away to a “faith home” to have the baby and give it up for adoption.  

She gives birth on Christmas Eve 1968.  When she returns home, Mom and Dad find their way back together and get married in 1970.  This stays a family secret until my Mom shares it with me during my younger brother’s own out-of-wedlock child drama in 2003.  So, in my 30s I found out I had a long-lost older brother.  Three years ago, through the magic of Ancestry DNA, I get connected with him and introduce him to our entire family.  So far, it has been a wonderful experience getting to know my older brother and his family and welcoming them into ours.

Fast forward to this year…  I call my Mom two months ago to coordinate when my wife and I will be coming to town for the holidays.  Mom’s side of the family does a big celebration on the Saturday before Christmas every year.  Perfect.  We’ll be there the 17th-20th to celebrate with the family. 

A week ago, Mom calls me up.  Older brother has just announced that he is coming down from Utah to Texas with his wife and kids to spend his birthday and Christmas with Mom and Dad for the first time ever.  They are not coming in until the 21st.  Now I’m the asshole because I won’t/can’t change the plans my wife and I made months ago with her family after nailing things down with my family.

[Bill Brasky 1,443]

your older brother is just being a bastard 

[DalTxHornFan 3,101]

12 minutes ago, Bill Brasky said:

your older brother is just being a bastard 

ISWYDT.

[RollLeft 5,044]

6 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

Preface to this year’s holiday drama: Mom and Dad were high school sweethearts.  Been together since they were 15.   Right before they graduate high school, Mom gets pregnant.  Both sets of grandparents conducted themselves like assholes in that situation, and she was sent away to a “faith home” to have the baby and give it up for adoption.  

She gives birth on Christmas Eve 1968.  When she returns home, Mom and Dad find their way back together and get married in 1970.  This stays a family secret until my Mom shares it with me during my younger brother’s own out-of-wedlock child drama in 2003.  So, in my 30s I found out I had a long-lost older brother.  Three years ago, through the magic of Ancestry DNA, I get connected with him and introduce him to our entire family.  So far, it has been a wonderful experience getting to know my older brother and his family and welcoming them into ours.

Fast forward to this year…  I call my Mom two months ago to coordinate when my wife and I will be coming to town for the holidays.  Mom’s side of the family does a big celebration on the Saturday before Christmas every year.  Perfect.  We’ll be there the 17th-20th to celebrate with the family. 

A week ago, Mom calls me up.  Older brother has just announced that he is coming down from Utah to Texas with his wife and kids to spend his birthday and Christmas with Mom and Dad for the first time ever.  They are not coming in until the 21st.  Now I’m the asshole because I won’t/can’t change the plans my wife and I made months ago with her family after nailing things down with my family.

You should like your parents abandon your plans.  

Edited November 21, 2021 by RollLeft

[Kennythetiger 9,377]

8 hours ago, Bill Brasky said:

your older brother is just being a bastard 

Nice. 

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Guadaloopy said:

Preface to this year’s holiday drama: Mom and Dad were high school sweethearts.  Been together since they were 15.   Right before they graduate high school, Mom gets pregnant.  Both sets of grandparents conducted themselves like assholes in that situation, and she was sent away to a “faith home” to have the baby and give it up for adoption.  

She gives birth on Christmas Eve 1968.  When she returns home, Mom and Dad find their way back together and get married in 1970.  This stays a family secret until my Mom shares it with me during my younger brother’s own out-of-wedlock child drama in 2003.  So, in my 30s I found out I had a long-lost older brother.  Three years ago, through the magic of Ancestry DNA, I get connected with him and introduce him to our entire family.  So far, it has been a wonderful experience getting to know my older brother and his family and welcoming them into ours.

Fast forward to this year…  I call my Mom two months ago to coordinate when my wife and I will be coming to town for the holidays.  Mom’s side of the family does a big celebration on the Saturday before Christmas every year.  Perfect.  We’ll be there the 17th-20th to celebrate with the family. 

A week ago, Mom calls me up.  Older brother has just announced that he is coming down from Utah to Texas with his wife and kids to spend his birthday and Christmas with Mom and Dad for the first time ever.  They are not coming in until the 21st.  Now I’m the asshole because I won’t/can’t change the plans my wife and I made months ago with her family after nailing things down with my family.

We have challenges with planning for holidays, with 2 military sons and one of them having in-laws on the east coast, with whom they alternate Thanksgiving and Crimmass with us.  That part's all cool and I've always been of the mindset that it really doesn't matter WHEN, as long as we get together when we have the chance. Fast forward to this season's prep, and like you, I'm months ahead of that shit.  It's just what i do, mostly in attempts to have options on travel and better pricing. Younger son lets us know his plans to be here Thanksgiving have to change because of needs of the Navy, and at the time he would have been transitioning from Spain to San Diego, with a 4 week stop in Baltimore( Ft Mead) and some block leave thrown in there.  Immediately I know the oldest son has already made plans to be with us for Thanksgiving also, and on east coast for Christmas.  I didn't even ask him to change to Christmas, because I know they already had flights and plans with her family made.

You're not an asshole to stick with your plans.  It's just how things fall with so many moving parts sometimes.  I lose some flexibility around Christmas because at my work, it's balls to the wall from Dec 26 till Dec 31.  I have missed shit with the family because of it, but they understand( it's also not really discretionary, although they give me shit about making my own schedule and not being there.)

This thread makes me grateful for having level-headed, supportive family when it comes to the logistics of the holidays.  Hell, if I was in your shoes, I'd offer an olive branch of something like, "Hey we can't stay at Mom & Dad's through Christmas, but what if we tried to get together this coming spring or Summer?"  then again, i understand that's not what this thread is all about.  In the end, you just have to make the decision that is right for you and your immediate family.  If other people don't understand, then they can just get the fuck over it.

[cactusflinthead 27,598]

It's somehow reassuring slorch is slorchy with his family too.

Just giving you shit man.

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, cactusflinthead said:

It's somehow reassuring slorch is slorchy with his family too.

Just giving you shit man.

I am actually the one who gets us all together.  The uniter, if you will.  This past summer, some of my in-laws were teasing me for always being the first ones to confirm for their reunion every year.  " i wouldn't miss the chance to make y'all miserable!"

But when we can't, we can't.  I don't want to hear the drama or bitching, like what Loopy was describing..

Edited November 21, 2021 by slorch

[Guadaloopy 10,960]

Yeah… we’ve already had a huge gathering with everyone this past summer to celebrate Mom & Dad’s 51st anniversary since we missed the 50th last year with COVID.  But this will be the first birthday and Christmas that big brother will celebrate with Mom & Dad.   I may change plans a bit, but it won’t be easy with work and other plans.  

[Brothahorn 10,087]

6! 6 members of the wife's Arkansas clan are arriving today for Thanksgiving. Which, IIRC isn't until Thursday. WTF. I actually enjoyed the 1 1/2 days I spent with them in Arky. But a whole week? Damn it, man. 

The fun is really going to kick in when the bama's on my side show up. Moonshine and blunts for everybody!

[RollLeft 5,044]

54 minutes ago, slorch said:

We have challenges with planning for holidays, with 2 military sons and one of them having in-laws on the east coast, with whom they alternate Thanksgiving and Crimmass with us.  That part's all cool and I've always been of the mindset that it really doesn't matter WHEN, as long as we get together when we have the chance. Fast forward to this season's prep, and like you, I'm months ahead of that shit.  It's just what i do, mostly in attempts to have options on travel and better pricing. Younger son lets us know his plans to be here Thanksgiving have to change because of needs of the Navy, and at the time he would have been transitioning from Spain to San Diego, with a 4 week stop in Baltimore( Ft Mead) and some block leave thrown in there.  Immediately I know the oldest son has already made plans to be with us for Thanksgiving also, and on east coast for Christmas.  I didn't even ask him to change to Christmas, because I know they already had flights and plans with her family made.

You're not an asshole to stick with your plans.  It's just how things fall with so many moving parts sometimes.  I lose some flexibility around Christmas because at my work, it's balls to the wall from Dec 26 till Dec 31.  I have missed shit with the family because of it, but they understand( it's also not really discretionary, although they give me shit about making my own schedule and not being there.)

This thread makes me grateful for having level-headed, supportive family when it comes to the logistics of the holidays.  Hell, if I was in your shoes, I'd offer an olive branch of something like, "Hey we can't stay at Mom & Dad's through Christmas, but what if we tried to get together this coming spring or Summer?"  then again, i understand that's not what this thread is all about.  In the end, you just have to make the decision that is right for you and your immediate family.  If other people don't understand, then they can just get the fuck over it.

Or........you could just support the thread and just go guest on Jerry Springer on his ass.  

[RollLeft 5,044]

3 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

6! 6 members of the wife's Arkansas clan are arriving today for Thanksgiving. Which, IIRC isn't until Thursday. WTF. I actually enjoyed the 1 1/2 days I spent with them in Arky. But a whole week? Damn it, man. 

The fun is really going to kick in when the bama's on my side show up. Moonshine and blunts for everybody!

[Parliament 14,255]

3 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

6! 6 members of the wife's Arkansas clan are arriving today for Thanksgiving. Which, IIRC isn't until Thursday. WTF. I actually enjoyed the 1 1/2 days I spent with them in Arky. But a whole week? Damn it, man. 

The fun is really going to kick in when the bama's on my side show up. Moonshine and blunts for everybody!

They can stay at a hotel.  The Brothahorn Bed & Breakfast is full up.

[SHOOTER12 8,800]

8 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

6! 6 members of the wife's Arkansas clan are arriving today for Thanksgiving. Which, IIRC isn't until Thursday. WTF. I actually enjoyed the 1 1/2 days I spent with them in Arky. But a whole week? Damn it, man. 

The fun is really going to kick in when the bama's on my side show up. Moonshine and blunts for everybody!

Arkansas??? Alabama????

Prepare your anus.

[Neonmoon 38,129]

Visiting for an entire week. Is this a cultural thing? I don’t get it. Wife‘s parents do it. I grew up in a family that visits for 1 day. That’s it. A weekend max, and if so, you’re staying at a hotel like an adult. Everyone needs a break from each other to regroup. 

[ABSR 5,309]

14 minutes ago, Neonmoon said:

Visiting for an entire week. Is this a cultural thing? I don’t get it. Wife‘s parents do it. I grew up in a family that visits for 1 day. That’s it. A weekend max, and if so, you’re staying at a hotel like an adult. Everyone needs a break from each other to regroup. 

My Grandfather always said that fish and relatives start to smell after 3 days.  Wise man who did not overstay his welcome.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,324]

 
100% the internet bf will have special dietary needs

Fuck. Just discovered his drink of choice is Corona.

What a waste of cooler space. Cuz it sure isn't going in my beer fridge.