This Program Is Cursed. It Is Now Time to Embrace It

[Guest]

My in-depth research says it all started when we removed the old glowing Longhorn that sat above the scoreboard and replaced the real grass field with turf. The curse was strengthened with Adzillatron, the Longhorn Network, 6% blended increase, pre-game carnivals, Salt-n-Pepa, Jetpack guy, and a tacky-looking South Endzone. Since it began, we've seen:

• Colt gets hurt in the championship game
• 64 losses in 11 years
• 0 conference championships
• 0 playoff appearances
• OU wins 7 Big 12 championship in the past decade
• 3-9 versus OU in the last decade
• OU absolutely owns the conference, but we are the team that everyone hates
• Spencer Rattler is 2-0 versus UT as a starter
• Three head coaches fired
• Teams do horns down constantly and football gods don't care
• Steve Patterson
• Lost to Kansas
• Lost to Maryland (twice)
• OSU referee shenanigans
• "We're Bbbbbbaaaaacccckkkkkk"
• Three 4th quarter collapses in a row
• Coach girlfriend monkey bites (allegedly)

It seems obvious that to reverse the curse, the old glowing Longhorn needs to be returned to its rightful place in the NEZ. We also need a grass field. Until then, we are destined to this purgatory. Since neither remedy is likely, it's time to embrace the suck.

High pre-season ranking? We're laughing with you college football.
Horns down? Why would opposing fans waste so much energy hating a 7-5 football team?
This is the year we win the conference? Let's try beating the murder's row of Baylor, Iowa State, and K-State first.
Coach's girlfriend's monkey allegedly bites a kid? Sure, why the hell not. Let's put it on a t-shirt. 

Come with me to the promised land. No more stress on Saturdays. No more hopes and dreams dashed. The only thing you'll care about is not the final score of the games, but how are we going to fall flat on our faces next... and will it involve wildlife? We can take away all the pain. Just embrace the curse.

It's only appropriate that in this photo KSU is beating us:

[Rockethorn1978 6061]

2 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

My in-depth research says it all started when we removed the old glowing Longhorn that sat above the scoreboard and replaced the real grass field with turf. The curse was strengthened with Adzillatron, the Longhorn Network, 6% blended increase, pre-game carnivals, Salt-n-Pepa, Jetpack guy, and a tacky-looking South Endzone. Since it began, we've seen:

• Colt gets hurt in the championship game
• 64 losses in 11 years
• 0 conference championships
• 0 playoff appearances
• OU wins 7 Big 12 championship in the past decade
• 3-9 versus OU in the last decade
• OU absolutely owns the conference, but we are the team that everyone hates
• Spencer Rattler is 2-0 versus UT as a starter
• Three head coaches fired
• Teams do horns down constantly and football gods don't care
• Steve Patterson
• Lost to Kansas
• Lost to Maryland (twice)
• OSU referee shenanigans
• "We're Bbbbbbaaaaacccckkkkkk"
• Three 4th quarter collapses in a row
• Coach girlfriend monkey bites (allegedly)

It seems obvious that to reverse the curse, the old glowing Longhorn needs to be returned to its rightful place in the NEZ. We also need a grass field. Until then, we are destined to this purgatory. Since neither remedy is likely, it's time to embrace the suck.

High pre-season ranking? We're laughing with you college football.
Horns down? Why would opposing fans waste so much energy hating a 7-5 football team?
This is the year we win the conference? Let's try beating the murder's row of Baylor, Iowa State, and K-State first.
Coach's girlfriend's monkey allegedly bites a kid? Sure, why the hell not. Let's put it on a t-shirt. 

Come with me to the promised land. No more stress on Saturdays. No more hopes and dreams dashed. The only thing you'll care about is not the final score of the games, but how are we going to fall flat on our faces next... and will it involve wildlife? We can take away all the pain. Just embrace the curse.

It's only appropriate that in this photo KSU is beating us:

[Guest]

Just now, Rockethorn1978 said:

You'll eventually see the light. 

[TexasGolf 4858]

[Zeus 5950]

What I've learned from shaggy bevo over the years, it's 1000000% on the coaching, specifically the head coach. Sark still has a chance to turn this shit around. 

 

[ousux 5587]

I have some plywood and a jigsaw, if you really think a glowing longhorn logo is the source of our curse, all we need is a source of florescent burnt orange and we can get this thing back on track.

Anyone grab a plug of the old turf and kept it alive in their yard? We could transfer some to a sideline planter..job done.

[Capn81 372]

We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose's glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present.

['stache 21774]

Most hate OU as much or much much more than you.

[UTEX_ME 4754]

Until our athletic department gets off their high horse fake morality trip and begins to pay top recruits, hire the right scumbags, and fuck everything else but winning, we are never going to win a national title or compete for an SEC championship in the future. That's how you win in today's football.  Hiring the feel good story of the previous season every 3-4 years isn't going to cut it.  I've accepted we will never play dirty and hire the right coach. Texas has only got it right twice. DKR would have won at any big time program but thankfully he was with us.  Mack was a God-like recruiter (before '10) and won a lot of games, but still underachieved for most of his time here until he finally let his once in generation talent play to his strengths.  It's time for all Longhorn fans to enjoy the occasional wins over OU (who knows how to run a football program btw) and don't take the years with 4-5 losses a year too hard.  

[Vertigo 20267]

14 minutes ago, 'stache said:

Most hate OU as much or much much more than you.

Thanks? 

[SlingeroGuitaro 189]

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

[gmr548 16513]

Nothing like the offseason starting November 1.

[Js1 85110]

4 minutes ago, gmr548 said:

Nothing like the offseason starting November 1.

Nov 1?  The offseason usually starts after the scheduled OU loss.  At that point, the season is over. 

[Doc Reeves 6434]

[utee94 15745]

But, if the glowing orange Longhorn was a hallmark of our success, why is it depicted above, showing one of our many, many losses to the Purple Wizard?

 

 

[Guest]

13 minutes ago, utee94 said:

But, if the glowing orange Longhorn was a hallmark of our success, why is it depicted above, showing one of our many, many losses to the Purple Wizard?

 

 

Foreshadowing.

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

37 minutes ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

That's like 80 years of relevance you are just writing off like nothing. 

[Guest]

39 minutes ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

Excessive Success is an awesome band name.

[VirginiaLonghorn 4750]

… and I recall a few years back we were closing in on “winningest program in college football history.”  We’re now headed decidedly in the opposite direction.

Making matters worse, OU may catch or surpass us this season.  That should take the starch outta our drawers …

[Guest]

1 minute ago, VirginiaLonghorn said:

… and I recall a few years back we were closing in on “winningest program in college football history.”  We’re now headed decidedly in the opposite direction.

Making matters worse, OU may catch or surpass us this season.  That should take the starch outta our drawers …

#BringBackDroopyHornLight

[XYZ 2154]

We could easily have been #2 in all-time wins if we hadn’t been so fucking terrible these past 11 years.

[NTVTXN 1432]

1 hour ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

Respectfully, how old are you?  Seriously.

[Pdawg88 1110]

1 hour ago, 'stache said:

Most hate OU as much or much much more than you.

You can’t be serious? People flash horns down where they aren’t even playing Texas. Granted Ou isn’t liked much, but not hated as bad as Texas. I think most OSU fans do, but it’s because they are sick of getting their dicks stomped year after year. 

[DanTheHorn 4901]

Ever since Miami I have seen wearing black as a curse because Texas broke out the special black shoes for that game and got crushed.

 

Route 66 the black makes a special appearance again

 

Special Black UNIs for Duke

 

Many _iaz may have not been but always seemed to want to wear black

 

Biggest Johnny Cash wanna be

 

So lets embrace even the personnel perceived curses. I will embrace it by buying an ugly black shirt maybe this one:

 

[0xdeadbeef 1626]

36 minutes ago, VirginiaLonghorn said:

… and I recall a few years back we were closing in on “winningest program in college football history.”  We’re now headed decidedly in the opposite direction.

Making matters worse, OU may catch or surpass us this season.  That should take the starch outta our drawers …

Interesting stat....

As of 11/2/2021

Texas           926 - 382

Oklahoma    925 - 329

Notre Dame 924 - 329

[RollLeft 5040]

This thread sucks. BUDT.

[WhatTheBuck 28712]

1 hour ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

Excessive Success is an awesome band name.

So is Successive Excess. 

[dingleberryswitzer 2724]

2 hours ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

Spencer Rattler is 2-0 versus UT as a starter

Who was benched in each of those wins

[Spankytoes 1736]

2 hours ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

So, what you're saying, is that Michigan and Nebraska are not Tier 1 programs either. 

Solid argument.

[gmr548 16513]

2 hours ago, Js1 said:

Nov 1?  The offseason usually starts after the scheduled OU loss.  At that point, the season is over. 

Well, the tone around here didn't shift as dramatically after OU or OSU as it has now. To me the season ended after OSU. That's when the chance of so much as qualifying for the CCG became essentially zero. The difference between 6-6 and 8-4 really means very little to me as a fan, it's about all the same at that point. Not very different in terms of recruiting either. Hopefully they can avoid 5-7, that's the only thing left that can move the needle on the impression of this year, and not in a good way.

[Make em eat Taco Bell 1549]

OP with excellent sarcastic write-up which deserves more love.  Overall message is the program has become way over the top horribly commercialized, all about money, everyone is a dollar douche. OP is spot on. 

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, Make em eat Taco Bell said:

OP with excellent sarcastic write-up which deserves more love.  Overall message is the program has become way over the top horribly commercialized, all about money, everyone is a dollar douche. OP is spot on. 

Not sarcasm. We're cursed. And at this point, I see no way it ends without an offering to the football gods. Grass and droopy longhorn light must come back. 

We're also the worst kind of cursed. It would be one thing if we were 2-10 every year. But we're in purgatory where we have a good win and think we're on an upswing, only to have it all broken again. We have Thompson score on how many straight drives and put up 70 for the first time in years, only to lose three fourth quarter leads. It's backbreaking. 

[Bigbend1812 12889]

 

Who gives a shit?

[Doc Reeves 6434]

4 minutes ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

Not sarcasm. We're cursed. And at this point, I see no way it ends without an offering to the football gods. Grass and droopy longhorn light must come back. 

We're also the worst kind of cursed. It would be one thing if we were 2-10 every year. But we're in purgatory where we have a good win and think we're on an upswing, only to have it all broken again. We have Thompson score on how many straight drives and put up 70 for the first time in years, only to lose three fourth quarter leads. It's backbreaking. 

I keep telling people we need to start burning some sage and get a Mexican lady to rub an egg over the entire complex.

we might need to get a Haitian too just to be safe. 

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, Bigbend1812 said:

 

Who gives a shit?

Exactly. You are well on the right path.

[ztejas 43266]

2 hours ago, SlingeroGuitaro said:

I've never understood the mentality that Texas is a tier 1 football program. Historically we were a tier 1 SWC football program that occasionally made a splash nationally. Save for Bible, Royal, and Brown there have not been sustained periods of excessive success nationally. I support the football program the same as I do the basketball program, the baseball program, etc- I grew up loving the teams and loved my time in school here, but a dose of reality has been severely lacking from our fanbase for decades. 

Texas could easily have like 7 national titles. We have been snakebit since DKR left and are doing some extended desert wandering right now. 

[Nivek 16859]

3 hours ago, 'stache said:

Most hate OU as much or much much more than you.

Not even remotely true.

[shadow_operative 15932]

the program isn't cursed, we're just not that good and haven't been that good since, oh, about the time we started desegregating the team. we have one national title and a handful of conference titles in the last half century. outside of the decade of the aughts we've been crap every decade since the 60's. it's not a curse, it's who we are.

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Not even remotely true.

Yes, haven't gotten that impression AT ALL. Seems like all the other teams want to beat Texas but are just fine with losing to OU. 

That team should be the most hated group in this conference and people just seem to say "meh." Like they have no chance of winning so they don't really care. 

[Sawbonz 27434]

[Doc Reeves 6434]

12 minutes ago, shadow_operative said:

it's not a curse, it's who we are.

[Poe It Up 126]

Nonsense, we just won the Director’s Cup!!!

[Wally Pryor 5244]

Chuckling as well after getting neutered by CDC plus having her locker taken out of the women's practice facility. 

 

[Shoxthemonkey 1976]

4 hours ago, 'stache said:

Most hate OU as much or much much more than you.

You have to remember that most of us Big 8 types have been hating OU for decades. We always rooted for UT to beat OU. Old habits die hard.

 

 

[Bigjohns97 125]

I agree this monkey-gate thing is the icing on the cake,

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, Bigjohns97 said:

I agree this monkey-gate thing is the icing on the cake,

Can't wait for the commentators to try to give it gravitas this weekend.

"Texas comes into Iowa State a bit reeling after losing several winnable games."

"That's right, John. Over the last three games there have been three fourth-quarter losses. That's difficult for a team to overcome mentally, especially playing here on the road. And on top of all that, a coach's girlfriends' monkey allegedly bit a kid during Halloween. It likely been the hardest four-week stretch for this Texas program to ever endure."

"You hate to see it, Rob. Let's see if Texas can bounce back against a tough Iowa State program that's had their number in recent years."

[MIkeHoncho 1895]

8 minutes ago, Bigjohns97 said:

I agree this monkey-gate thing is the icing on the cake,

Bullshit.  This monkey event is what will galvanize the team.  Make them realize the world is really all against them.  Bring them together to embrace the dark side.  We are ALL Team Monkey now!!!  Let's go fling some monkey poop all over ISU at their place.  

[Fastbreak 3959]

i think the Monkey has lifted the fucking curse.  I can see a huge ass kicking of ISU coming up.  I'm calling it 48-10.

Welcome to the Jungle, bitches!

[The Beast 584]

5 hours ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

My in-depth research says it all started when we removed the old glowing Longhorn that sat above the scoreboard and replaced the real grass field with turf. The curse was strengthened with Adzillatron, the Longhorn Network, 6% blended increase, pre-game carnivals, Salt-n-Pepa, Jetpack guy, and a tacky-looking South Endzone. Since it began, we've seen:

• Colt gets hurt in the championship game
• 64 losses in 11 years
• 0 conference championships
• 0 playoff appearances
• OU wins 7 Big 12 championship in the past decade
• 3-9 versus OU in the last decade
• OU absolutely owns the conference, but we are the team that everyone hates
• Spencer Rattler is 2-0 versus UT as a starter
• Three head coaches fired
• Teams do horns down constantly and football gods don't care
• Steve Patterson
• Lost to Kansas
• Lost to Maryland (twice)
• OSU referee shenanigans
• "We're Bbbbbbaaaaacccckkkkkk"
• Three 4th quarter collapses in a row
• Coach girlfriend monkey bites (allegedly)

It seems obvious that to reverse the curse, the old glowing Longhorn needs to be returned to its rightful place in the NEZ. We also need a grass field. Until then, we are destined to this purgatory. Since neither remedy is likely, it's time to embrace the suck.

High pre-season ranking? We're laughing with you college football.
Horns down? Why would opposing fans waste so much energy hating a 7-5 football team?
This is the year we win the conference? Let's try beating the murder's row of Baylor, Iowa State, and K-State first.
Coach's girlfriend's monkey allegedly bites a kid? Sure, why the hell not. Let's put it on a t-shirt. 

Come with me to the promised land. No more stress on Saturdays. No more hopes and dreams dashed. The only thing you'll care about is not the final score of the games, but how are we going to fall flat on our faces next... and will it involve wildlife? We can take away all the pain. Just embrace the curse.

It's only appropriate that in this photo KSU is beating us:

And?

[ousux 5587]

… and I recall a few years back we were closing in on “winningest program in college football history.”  We’re now headed decidedly in the opposite direction.
Making matters worse, OU may catch or surpass us this season.  That should take the starch outta our drawers …

At least we're safe from Yale, Harvard and Corn


For now