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Tell Me About Texas a&m

MrPhlegm

By MrPhlegm
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2 hours ago, LonghornBreeder said:

This really highlights Aggies' main issue. Little brother syndrome is a b****. If you can't recognize it and admit it, you can't overcome it.

Their little brother syndrome causes them to lack faith in all the benefits of their program... and there are some. They like to brag about their money and their facilities and their fans.

 

This reminds me of this tweet: 

 

 

 

You see, everyone, Texas A&M is about one thing and one thing only—manufacturing.

Texas A&M lives off the lore of manufacturing so much that their fan base has tried to will it into existence. It doesn’t matter what it is, they’ll manufacture something to make them seem like part of the big boys when the evidence is staring them in the face that they are not. They have made manufacturing into a degree plan.

Your first class is Manufacturing 101: Is Texas A&M a college football blue blood? Of course the fuck not. No one in America would put Texas A&M in this category-------except A&M fans. Why? Because they believe their weird and slavery-ridden traditions make them a cool school, they have milkmen and not women cheerleaders and that makes them cool, they put up a scoreboard for their dead mascots and that makes them unique, and their JROTC won’t let you walk on the grass on their campus and that’s a phenomenal tradition. Having traditions is one thing, but having iconic traditions is a different class. These aren’t iconic traditions rather they are traditions that a&m has manufactured to believe this makes them one of the top college football programs in the country and they deserve to be in the same breath as Texas, Ohio State, Alabama, USC, LSU, Georgia, Michigan, Nebraska, etc. You must pass Manufacturing 101 with a C or better before you can move on to the next class, unless you get permission from the department chair (Looch).

The next class taken by aggies is Manufacturing 201: This class involves knowing who the biggest, most bestest rivals are and how that makes you a power program because these rivalries are the tops in college football today, yesterday, and forever. The first is Texas (you better call it tee-yeww). Part of passing this class is to manufacture dates that make A&M look good. Since 1975? Good! From 1909 to 1917? Excellent! From 1984-1994? THE BESTEST! Since the Geneva Convention? I mean, does it make us look good then YES!  See, for aggies, they do not know or understand the word “arbitrary” as that word wasn’t taught in Manufacturing 101. It’s all about which dates make aggies look better when it comes to playing Texas so they can boast about that time frame AND THAT TIME FRAME ONLY! Oh, and Manufacturing 201 wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the a&M/Texas rivalry is one of the top 5 in the country along with Alabama/Auburn and Michigan/Ohio State.  Not one person in the world believes this except aggies. Why? Because that ties into Manufacturing 101, that they are a top football program because top programs have top 5 rivalry games. They will also tell you that Texas fans secretly know their main rival is a&M and not ou. You read that right—they will tell another fan base who their rival really is because they believe it to be them because that makes them look better. If you don’t believe me, just ask LSU who (crazily enough) wants nothing to do with a&M and also thinks they are cooky. But aggies will try to tell LSU fans “we are your rival, and you must play us on rivalry weekend!” even when LSU is like “wtf?!?!!!! You can’t tell us who we are to you, that’s not how it works!”  Manufacturing 201 is a Pass/Fail class.

Finally, we have Manufacturing 301, your senior level class: This is the class where you put it all together. This is a Work Study class. This is where you go out into the wild and put everything you’ve learned together in 101 and 201 and report back your results to texags. You tell others that yes, you are a top tier program and you explain why despite the lack of trophies and no National Championship in 84 years. You tell others why you are top tier and include such things that have not yielded you any National Championships in any major men’s sports in 84 years such as lots of money, pimp canes, swagcopters, arena and baseball park renovations, and just in general boasting about superficial things no top tier program boasts about. You let others know you have the greatest recruiting class in the history of recruiting classes and how that makes you a blue blood, top tier program when that recruiting class has returned 0 trophies of any kind! You stay strong in your belief despite the pushback from the rest of the country. You demand Texas and LSU think of you as equals and that they are your “real rivals” despite them looking at you like a frozen turtle at a news conference! HOLD AGS! HOLD! This is your test. Why? Because you built a Hall of Champions that has nothing but 4 track and field and 11 meat judging National Championship trophies and nothing of note for football, men’s basketball, or baseball. While the first thing you see when walking in is the women’s basketball NC trophy lighting up the Hall of Champions like a Motel 6 blue light leading a meth head to water after working the streets in Lufkin, you look at it and cherish that. That’s what aggies do because it’s not all about those meaningless trophies. As KatyOldAg94 said on texags: “The Hall of Champions is about the spirit and honor of aggie athletes as champions.”  Ahh yes, yet another example of manufacturing.

Once you’ve graduated from Manufacturing at a&m, you’re ready. You’re ready to lead the world and tell them about aggie lore and that everyone just misunderstands you. You make commercials letting people know you’re not weird, yet you put up billboards in every SEC town saying they’ve been “annexed by aggie nation.” Yet that’s not weird or cult-like behavior. No sir, not in any way. It’s just “spirit.”

While Texas, Texas Tech, TCU, UH, and other fans in this state have dealt with this for years, others are quickly finding out—Texas A&M is about nothing more than manufacturing. They’ve done it for over a century in the past, they’ll do it today, and after this new hire, they’ll continue to do it again. Why? Because that’s the aggie way!

Whoop!

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Grande Mart

Grande Mart 510

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44 minutes ago, South Austin said:

For whatever reason my daughter isn't considering Oregon State, though she got into Oregon (and UO is already starting to throw her considerable money, whereas I think UDub will give her next to nothing).  Her grandpa (my dad) went to Oregon State, and was a pitcher for the Beavers' baseball team in the early/mid 60s.  But for some reason his granddaughter has a strong preference for Eugene.

I like Eugene too, Autzen stadium is a great place to watch a game. Lanning would be a fool to go to A&M unless they give him a ridiculously stupid contract and he's not really interested in a legacy as a football coach.

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Pimphand

Pimphand 5735

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1 hour ago, Texzilla58 said:

Dabo. That’s who we want. He’s Saban’s handpicked successor! ???

I'm not going to lie if they hire someone other than Dabo I will be full tilt disappointed.  He is so on brand it's not even funny and I like it when A&M stays on brand that is when the most hilarity occurs.

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66BUFF

66BUFF 2562

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2 hours ago, orangebird said:

This.  It's common for a lot of teams playing a team on the opposite coast to travel out a day early, just so they can acclimate to the time change.  I haven't seen how the new Big Ten is going to schedule conference games, but having to do this as many as 3-4 times a year seems like it would get old, particularly when teams like Washington and Oregon have to go play teams like Rutgers and Maryland.  The new Big XII will have similar issues with Arizona and Arizona State playing West Virginia and Cincinnati.

 

 

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Pimphand

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20 minutes ago, Pancho said:

So does this brainiac not consider Emory Bellard's resignation "his own accord"?

My favorite will always be them firing Gene Stallings who would surface 19 years later at Alabama and win the national championship in his 3rd season.
 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18812

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11 minutes ago, Pancho said:

 

This reminds me of this tweet: 

 

Uhmm...Zach...all those aggy coaches you're referring to GOT FIRED. And you're flat out wrong about the Oregon guys...Cristobal left for his alma mater, Taggart was not going to pan out and bailed, Helfrich got fired, Chip Kelly left for the NFL - because the NCAA put Oregon on probation and gave Kelly an 18 month show cause penalty.  So basically you couldn't be more full of shit if your name was Liucci. 

 

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Pimphand

Pimphand 5735

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2 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Uhmm...Zach...all those aggy coaches you're referring to GOT FIRED. And you're flat out wrong about the Oregon guys...Cristobal left for his alma mater, Taggart was not going to pan out and bailed, Helfrich got fired, Chip Kelly left for the NFL - because the NCAA put Oregon on probation and gave Kelly an 18 month show cause penalty.  So basically you couldn't be more full of shit if your name was Liucci. 

 

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Re: Aggy coaches that was his implication they all got fired (except Bellard who resigned mid season)

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F250

F250 28766

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6 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Uhmm...Zach...all those aggy coaches you're referring to GOT FIRED. And you're flat out wrong about the Oregon guys...Cristobal left for his alma mater, Taggart was not going to pan out and bailed, Helfrich got fired, Chip Kelly left for the NFL - because the NCAA put Oregon on probation and gave Kelly an 18 month show cause penalty.  So basically you couldn't be more full of shit if your name was Liucci. 

 

Yeah, this is peak aggy. UTEP could probably say the same thing.

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LonghornBreeder

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34 minutes ago, Pancho said:

 

This reminds me of this tweet: 

 

 

 

You see, everyone, Texas A&M is about one thing and one thing only—manufacturing.

Texas A&M lives off the lore of manufacturing so much that their fan base has tried to will it into existence. It doesn’t matter what it is, they’ll manufacture something to make them seem like part of the big boys when the evidence is staring them in the face that they are not. They have made manufacturing into a degree plan.

Your first class is Manufacturing 101: Is Texas A&M a college football blue blood? Of course the fuck not. No one in America would put Texas A&M in this category-------except A&M fans. Why? Because they believe their weird and slavery-ridden traditions make them a cool school, they have milkmen and not women cheerleaders and that makes them cool, they put up a scoreboard for their dead mascots and that makes them unique, and their JROTC won’t let you walk on the grass on their campus and that’s a phenomenal tradition. Having traditions is one thing, but having iconic traditions is a different class. These aren’t iconic traditions rather they are traditions that a&m has manufactured to believe this makes them one of the top college football programs in the country and they deserve to be in the same breath as Texas, Ohio State, Alabama, USC, LSU, Georgia, Michigan, Nebraska, etc. You must pass Manufacturing 101 with a C or better before you can move on to the next class, unless you get permission from the department chair (Looch).

The next class taken by aggies is Manufacturing 201: This class involves knowing who the biggest, most bestest rivals are and how that makes you a power program because these rivalries are the tops in college football today, yesterday, and forever. The first is Texas (you better call it tee-yeww). Part of passing this class is to manufacture dates that make A&M look good. Since 1975? Good! From 1909 to 1917? Excellent! From 1984-1994? THE BESTEST! Since the Geneva Convention? I mean, does it make us look good then YES!  See, for aggies, they do not know or understand the word “arbitrary” as that word wasn’t taught in Manufacturing 101. It’s all about which dates make aggies look better when it comes to playing Texas so they can boast about that time frame AND THAT TIME FRAME ONLY! Oh, and Manufacturing 201 wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the a&M/Texas rivalry is one of the top 5 in the country along with Alabama/Auburn and Michigan/Ohio State.  Not one person in the world believes this except aggies. Why? Because that ties into Manufacturing 101, that they are a top football program because top programs have top 5 rivalry games. They will also tell you that Texas fans secretly know their main rival is a&M and not ou. You read that right—they will tell another fan base who their rival really is because they believe it to be them because that makes them look better. If you don’t believe me, just ask LSU who (crazily enough) wants nothing to do with a&M and also thinks they are cooky. But aggies will try to tell LSU fans “we are your rival, and you must play us on rivalry weekend!” even when LSU is like “wtf?!?!!!! You can’t tell us who we are to you, that’s not how it works!”  Manufacturing 201 is a Pass/Fail class.

Finally, we have Manufacturing 301, your senior level class: This is the class where you put it all together. This is a Work Study class. This is where you go out into the wild and put everything you’ve learned together in 101 and 201 and report back your results to texags. You tell others that yes, you are a top tier program and you explain why despite the lack of trophies and no National Championship in 84 years. You tell others why you are top tier and include such things that have not yielded you any National Championships in any major men’s sports in 84 years such as lots of money, pimp canes, swagcopters, arena and baseball park renovations, and just in general boasting about superficial things no top tier program boasts about. You let others know you have the greatest recruiting class in the history of recruiting classes and how that makes you a blue blood, top tier program when that recruiting class has returned 0 trophies of any kind! You stay strong in your belief despite the pushback from the rest of the country. You demand Texas and LSU think of you as equals and that they are your “real rivals” despite them looking at you like a frozen turtle at a news conference! HOLD AGS! HOLD! This is your test. Why? Because you built a Hall of Champions that has nothing but 4 track and field and 11 meat judging National Championship trophies and nothing of note for football, men’s basketball, or baseball. While the first thing you see when walking in is the women’s basketball NC trophy lighting up the Hall of Champions like a Motel 6 blue light leading a meth head to water after working the streets in Lufkin, you look at it and cherish that. That’s what aggies do because it’s not all about those meaningless trophies. As KatyOldAg94 said on texags: “The Hall of Champions is about the spirit and honor of aggie athletes as champions.”  Ahh yes, yet another example of manufacturing.

Once you’ve graduated from Manufacturing at a&m, you’re ready. You’re ready to lead the world and tell them about aggie lore and that everyone just misunderstands you. You make commercials letting people know you’re not weird, yet you put up billboards in every SEC town saying they’ve been “annexed by aggie nation.” Yet that’s not weird or cult-like behavior. No sir, not in any way. It’s just “spirit.”

While Texas, Texas Tech, TCU, UH, and other fans in this state have dealt with this for years, others are quickly finding out—Texas A&M is about nothing more than manufacturing. They’ve done it for over a century in the past, they’ll do it today, and after this new hire, they’ll continue to do it again. Why? Because that’s the aggie way!

Whoop!

Well damn. That's well put sir.

But I was not expecting to have to read all that when I clicked the notification for a response to my post. Now go rest your fingertips.

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TexasEd

TexasEd 8066

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3 hours ago, Droopy said:

Elko sounds like Charlie Strong. Good DC but our D was not as strong as it could/should have been. 
 

Also, Austin radio: Jim Rome is going in on Aggy and their dipshit AD. lmao 😂 

 

3 hours ago, Deej said:

Someone still listens to Jim Rome? 

Did you hear what Jim Rome said about aggy?

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Pimphand

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2 minutes ago, TexasEd said:

Did you hear what Jim Rome said about aggy?

The following are Jim Rome’s thoughts on aggy that he broadcast on national radio:

Thoughts on Texas A&M… Fox Sports Show And Radio Host Jim Rome

  1. They won’t shut up. They have to go on about spirit, and old army, and red ass, and how bonfire represents the burning sensation they have in their urine to beat UT, and blah blah blah. Shut up. You start to get the feeling the entire school was built to spite UT.
  2. Forget the fact that when the Texas Legislature back in the 1870’s passed legislation to start a state university they also decided to have a subsidiary branch of the main school (University of Texas) that would teach agriculture and mechanics. Aggies love to say their school is older, from where they get that I don’t know … the fact is, the state intended A&M to be a branch of UT. They are like the afterbirth from the original creation. Like Danny Devito in “Twins”.
  3. So they apparently have this complex, so much so, that they must devote their entire school to trying to prove to UT that they are just as good. All the while, nobody at UT denies that A&M is a good school, yet they won’t shut up. So they write a fight song … about? … Texas, and how they want to beat them. They have a Fish Camp for freshman where they tell them how bad Texas is and how good A&M and all its traditions are. It is the world’s largest known case of penis envy, and it is manifested in everything A&M does.
  4. The people at A&M. Now we all have friends who went to A&M or are at A&M. There are some nice people there. However … There is the Corps. East Texas’ answer to dreams of ROTC kids everywhere. For every boy scout who never learned to stop playing with his GI Joe Toys, there is the Corps. Now, forget the fact that A&M will actually let people with sub-par grades enroll if they agree to join the Corps. Forget the fact that the Corps looked like a Gestapo-hate rally while beating down students on Kyle Field in 1995. Forget the fact that along with the numerous hazing charges that have been filed against them, and swept under the rug over the years, they just this past month have had one Corps member bring charges against another Corps member who apparently had been propositioning others for a little actual sodomy. Not only could I go on with more instances of idiocracy by these Khaki-clad-shaven-headed-dorks, I am sure each of you have your own stories. The point is: We all respect West Point, Annapolis, The Air Force Academy; however, nobody respects the Corps. I imagine they are kind of the laughing stock of the military world. Just because you dress like the Army, and try and act like the Army, does not make you the Army. People at A&M don’t even respect these clowns. It is not cool to shave your head and dress up. Halloween is only supposed to be one day of the year. If you want to carry guns and beat up civilians, move to Israel.
  5. It is even less cool to slobber on somebody’s daughter on national television and call it a tradition. Dry humping 18-year-old girls in the stands at football games is not cool. Not only is it not cool, it should be against the law. I know that in College Station, students are just prone to mount each other on the campus lawn, or in the middle of class, or anytime anything good happens you can just grab the girl sitting next to you and start sucking on her face. But everywhere else in the world, it is looked down upon. Especially if you are doing it on my TV. That is why we have moved the game from Thanksgiving. Because people across the nation were gagging on their turkey when in the middle of watching a football game, some boy scout is tongue thrashing some overweight co-ed during somebody’s Thanksgiving dinner. We do not need to see burly women engaged in a suckfest every time your woeful offense manages to put points on the board. Some of these girls are in desperate need of a trip to the Clinique counter. Screw that, forget make-up, it is too late for that, just give them a veil.
  6. “T.U.” is not funny. It is not insulting. It is dumb. Just imagine if folks from Texas kept talking about M&A and giggling. That would not be funny. In fact, it would be retarded. That’s why UT fans don’t do it. Please learn.
  7. You want to lose the image of country bumpkins, of a people fond of sheep, of people that aren’t stupid? Then quit building things that fall down. Quit chasing cheerleaders around with swords on national TV. Quit whooping in church. Quit whooping period. Quit putting up scoreboards for the enjoyment of dead mammals. Quit spending your Friday nights practicing how to yell. Quit telling rape jokes to reporters when you’re running for Governor. When you are filling out season ticket renewals, and the form asks for your phone number, h&w. quit putting 258-3999, Height 6’3″, Weight 185. Just, collectively, stop making asses of yourselves. Go to East Texas, tour every small town, and ask every red neck with a fifth-grade education why they cheer for A&M and wear maroon. That is your fan base. This is why you are perceived by the educated masses as stupid.
  8. Nobody cares if you think your band is better. They might be louder, they might march in neat little zig zags, but they have no musical ability. The point is, nobody cares who wins halftime. Quit getting geeked up about marching bands. I find it hard to believe you stood through your high school band’s entire halftime performance. And why? Cause nobody cared then and nobody cares now. Plus, you can hear them fine sitting down even if you do care. Why is it cool all of a sudden now that you’re in college?
  9. Men should never let out high-pitched whooping sounds. Perhaps the only justifiable situation in which this can be tolerated is perhaps during an anal probe. Oh wait…I understand now.
  10. Dogs are not ladies. They don’t look or smell like ladies. Dogs eat their own feces and should be treated accordingly.
  11. Finally, College Station is an arm-pit of a town. Quit pretending that it is a great college town. It is a town, and there is a college there. That should be the end of this comparison. If you feel that life doesn’t get any better than the Dixie Chicken, and enjoy being stuck in a never-ending “Dukes of Hazard” episode, then move there. More importantly, don’t move to Austin … They are trying to create an educated, technological, and open-minded population base. Austin is, and will continue to be, the birthplace and final resting place of all that is cool.

As my friend, Stephen Johnson, once said: “If the world were ever to get an enema, College Station is where you would connect the hose.” If you go to school at A&M, please don’t be an Aggie.

God bless the great state of Texas.

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mchookem

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2 hours ago, Cairn Horn88 said:

Does aggy not understand that they can’t hire a coach that “fits “, someone who knows all about aggy and their glorious traditions?  Bringing in such a “fit “ means you remain in the same old rut……mediocre.  They have to hire someone  who is 180 degrees different than themselves, doesn’t give a shite about their traditions, tells them that he wants girl cheerleaders and no milkmen on the field…so, I’m not sure that coach exists.

 

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Ghost of Shag

Ghost of Shag 2608

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41 minutes ago, Pimphand said:

The following are Jim Rome’s thoughts on aggy that he broadcast on national radio:

Thoughts on Texas A&M… Fox Sports Show And Radio Host Jim Rome

  1. They won’t shut up. They have to go on about spirit, and old army, and red ass, and how bonfire represents the burning sensation they have in their urine to beat UT, and blah blah blah. Shut up. You start to get the feeling the entire school was built to spite UT.
  2. Forget the fact that when the Texas Legislature back in the 1870’s passed legislation to start a state university they also decided to have a subsidiary branch of the main school (University of Texas) that would teach agriculture and mechanics. Aggies love to say their school is older, from where they get that I don’t know … the fact is, the state intended A&M to be a branch of UT. They are like the afterbirth from the original creation. Like Danny Devito in “Twins”.
  3. So they apparently have this complex, so much so, that they must devote their entire school to trying to prove to UT that they are just as good. All the while, nobody at UT denies that A&M is a good school, yet they won’t shut up. So they write a fight song … about? … Texas, and how they want to beat them. They have a Fish Camp for freshman where they tell them how bad Texas is and how good A&M and all its traditions are. It is the world’s largest known case of penis envy, and it is manifested in everything A&M does.
  4. The people at A&M. Now we all have friends who went to A&M or are at A&M. There are some nice people there. However … There is the Corps. East Texas’ answer to dreams of ROTC kids everywhere. For every boy scout who never learned to stop playing with his GI Joe Toys, there is the Corps. Now, forget the fact that A&M will actually let people with sub-par grades enroll if they agree to join the Corps. Forget the fact that the Corps looked like a Gestapo-hate rally while beating down students on Kyle Field in 1995. Forget the fact that along with the numerous hazing charges that have been filed against them, and swept under the rug over the years, they just this past month have had one Corps member bring charges against another Corps member who apparently had been propositioning others for a little actual sodomy. Not only could I go on with more instances of idiocracy by these Khaki-clad-shaven-headed-dorks, I am sure each of you have your own stories. The point is: We all respect West Point, Annapolis, The Air Force Academy; however, nobody respects the Corps. I imagine they are kind of the laughing stock of the military world. Just because you dress like the Army, and try and act like the Army, does not make you the Army. People at A&M don’t even respect these clowns. It is not cool to shave your head and dress up. Halloween is only supposed to be one day of the year. If you want to carry guns and beat up civilians, move to Israel.
  5. It is even less cool to slobber on somebody’s daughter on national television and call it a tradition. Dry humping 18-year-old girls in the stands at football games is not cool. Not only is it not cool, it should be against the law. I know that in College Station, students are just prone to mount each other on the campus lawn, or in the middle of class, or anytime anything good happens you can just grab the girl sitting next to you and start sucking on her face. But everywhere else in the world, it is looked down upon. Especially if you are doing it on my TV. That is why we have moved the game from Thanksgiving. Because people across the nation were gagging on their turkey when in the middle of watching a football game, some boy scout is tongue thrashing some overweight co-ed during somebody’s Thanksgiving dinner. We do not need to see burly women engaged in a suckfest every time your woeful offense manages to put points on the board. Some of these girls are in desperate need of a trip to the Clinique counter. Screw that, forget make-up, it is too late for that, just give them a veil.
  6. “T.U.” is not funny. It is not insulting. It is dumb. Just imagine if folks from Texas kept talking about M&A and giggling. That would not be funny. In fact, it would be retarded. That’s why UT fans don’t do it. Please learn.
  7. You want to lose the image of country bumpkins, of a people fond of sheep, of people that aren’t stupid? Then quit building things that fall down. Quit chasing cheerleaders around with swords on national TV. Quit whooping in church. Quit whooping period. Quit putting up scoreboards for the enjoyment of dead mammals. Quit spending your Friday nights practicing how to yell. Quit telling rape jokes to reporters when you’re running for Governor. When you are filling out season ticket renewals, and the form asks for your phone number, h&w. quit putting 258-3999, Height 6’3″, Weight 185. Just, collectively, stop making asses of yourselves. Go to East Texas, tour every small town, and ask every red neck with a fifth-grade education why they cheer for A&M and wear maroon. That is your fan base. This is why you are perceived by the educated masses as stupid.
  8. Nobody cares if you think your band is better. They might be louder, they might march in neat little zig zags, but they have no musical ability. The point is, nobody cares who wins halftime. Quit getting geeked up about marching bands. I find it hard to believe you stood through your high school band’s entire halftime performance. And why? Cause nobody cared then and nobody cares now. Plus, you can hear them fine sitting down even if you do care. Why is it cool all of a sudden now that you’re in college?
  9. Men should never let out high-pitched whooping sounds. Perhaps the only justifiable situation in which this can be tolerated is perhaps during an anal probe. Oh wait…I understand now.
  10. Dogs are not ladies. They don’t look or smell like ladies. Dogs eat their own feces and should be treated accordingly.
  11. Finally, College Station is an arm-pit of a town. Quit pretending that it is a great college town. It is a town, and there is a college there. That should be the end of this comparison. If you feel that life doesn’t get any better than the Dixie Chicken, and enjoy being stuck in a never-ending “Dukes of Hazard” episode, then move there. More importantly, don’t move to Austin … They are trying to create an educated, technological, and open-minded population base. Austin is, and will continue to be, the birthplace and final resting place of all that is cool.

As my friend, Stephen Johnson, once said: “If the world were ever to get an enema, College Station is where you would connect the hose.” If you go to school at A&M, please don’t be an Aggie.

God bless the great state of Texas.

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Deej

Deej 76759

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58 minutes ago, Pimphand said:

The following are Jim Rome’s thoughts on aggy that he broadcast on national radio:

Thoughts on Texas A&M… Fox Sports Show And Radio Host Jim Rome

  1. They won’t shut up. They have to go on about spirit, and old army, and red ass, and how bonfire represents the burning sensation they have in their urine to beat UT, and blah blah blah. Shut up. You start to get the feeling the entire school was built to spite UT.
  2. Forget the fact that when the Texas Legislature back in the 1870’s passed legislation to start a state university they also decided to have a subsidiary branch of the main school (University of Texas) that would teach agriculture and mechanics. Aggies love to say their school is older, from where they get that I don’t know … the fact is, the state intended A&M to be a branch of UT. They are like the afterbirth from the original creation. Like Danny Devito in “Twins”.
  3. So they apparently have this complex, so much so, that they must devote their entire school to trying to prove to UT that they are just as good. All the while, nobody at UT denies that A&M is a good school, yet they won’t shut up. So they write a fight song … about? … Texas, and how they want to beat them. They have a Fish Camp for freshman where they tell them how bad Texas is and how good A&M and all its traditions are. It is the world’s largest known case of penis envy, and it is manifested in everything A&M does.
  4. The people at A&M. Now we all have friends who went to A&M or are at A&M. There are some nice people there. However … There is the Corps. East Texas’ answer to dreams of ROTC kids everywhere. For every boy scout who never learned to stop playing with his GI Joe Toys, there is the Corps. Now, forget the fact that A&M will actually let people with sub-par grades enroll if they agree to join the Corps. Forget the fact that the Corps looked like a Gestapo-hate rally while beating down students on Kyle Field in 1995. Forget the fact that along with the numerous hazing charges that have been filed against them, and swept under the rug over the years, they just this past month have had one Corps member bring charges against another Corps member who apparently had been propositioning others for a little actual sodomy. Not only could I go on with more instances of idiocracy by these Khaki-clad-shaven-headed-dorks, I am sure each of you have your own stories. The point is: We all respect West Point, Annapolis, The Air Force Academy; however, nobody respects the Corps. I imagine they are kind of the laughing stock of the military world. Just because you dress like the Army, and try and act like the Army, does not make you the Army. People at A&M don’t even respect these clowns. It is not cool to shave your head and dress up. Halloween is only supposed to be one day of the year. If you want to carry guns and beat up civilians, move to Israel.
  5. It is even less cool to slobber on somebody’s daughter on national television and call it a tradition. Dry humping 18-year-old girls in the stands at football games is not cool. Not only is it not cool, it should be against the law. I know that in College Station, students are just prone to mount each other on the campus lawn, or in the middle of class, or anytime anything good happens you can just grab the girl sitting next to you and start sucking on her face. But everywhere else in the world, it is looked down upon. Especially if you are doing it on my TV. That is why we have moved the game from Thanksgiving. Because people across the nation were gagging on their turkey when in the middle of watching a football game, some boy scout is tongue thrashing some overweight co-ed during somebody’s Thanksgiving dinner. We do not need to see burly women engaged in a suckfest every time your woeful offense manages to put points on the board. Some of these girls are in desperate need of a trip to the Clinique counter. Screw that, forget make-up, it is too late for that, just give them a veil.
  6. “T.U.” is not funny. It is not insulting. It is dumb. Just imagine if folks from Texas kept talking about M&A and giggling. That would not be funny. In fact, it would be retarded. That’s why UT fans don’t do it. Please learn.
  7. You want to lose the image of country bumpkins, of a people fond of sheep, of people that aren’t stupid? Then quit building things that fall down. Quit chasing cheerleaders around with swords on national TV. Quit whooping in church. Quit whooping period. Quit putting up scoreboards for the enjoyment of dead mammals. Quit spending your Friday nights practicing how to yell. Quit telling rape jokes to reporters when you’re running for Governor. When you are filling out season ticket renewals, and the form asks for your phone number, h&w. quit putting 258-3999, Height 6’3″, Weight 185. Just, collectively, stop making asses of yourselves. Go to East Texas, tour every small town, and ask every red neck with a fifth-grade education why they cheer for A&M and wear maroon. That is your fan base. This is why you are perceived by the educated masses as stupid.
  8. Nobody cares if you think your band is better. They might be louder, they might march in neat little zig zags, but they have no musical ability. The point is, nobody cares who wins halftime. Quit getting geeked up about marching bands. I find it hard to believe you stood through your high school band’s entire halftime performance. And why? Cause nobody cared then and nobody cares now. Plus, you can hear them fine sitting down even if you do care. Why is it cool all of a sudden now that you’re in college?
  9. Men should never let out high-pitched whooping sounds. Perhaps the only justifiable situation in which this can be tolerated is perhaps during an anal probe. Oh wait…I understand now.
  10. Dogs are not ladies. They don’t look or smell like ladies. Dogs eat their own feces and should be treated accordingly.
  11. Finally, College Station is an arm-pit of a town. Quit pretending that it is a great college town. It is a town, and there is a college there. That should be the end of this comparison. If you feel that life doesn’t get any better than the Dixie Chicken, and enjoy being stuck in a never-ending “Dukes of Hazard” episode, then move there. More importantly, don’t move to Austin … They are trying to create an educated, technological, and open-minded population base. Austin is, and will continue to be, the birthplace and final resting place of all that is cool.

As my friend, Stephen Johnson, once said: “If the world were ever to get an enema, College Station is where you would connect the hose.” If you go to school at A&M, please don’t be an Aggie.

God bless the great state of Texas.

So fake. Lacking lots or "errrrsss" and "rack 'em's"

  • Hook 'Em 1
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Pimphand

Pimphand 5735

Posted
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13 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said:

1,2,3,4! Fuck aggy and their corps!

Corps Trip march-in held through downtown Fort Worth before Texas A&M football game

No thanks on the offer even the lass on the left. Clearly her life priorities are way off kilt to be fraternizing with the freakshow.

On a positive note at least the absolute freakazoid wearing the mask literally looks zombified so totally on brand there too.

3 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Hey, if that's how you roll....

Got beaten to the punch....

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