Plumber finds bags of cash and checks in the walls of Joel Osteen's church

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20,493]

What kind of coke bender must Osteen have been on when he forgot where he hid the money he stole from his church's safe?

https://www.click2houston.com/news/local/2021/12/02/money-checks-found-in-wall-of-joel-osteens-lakewood-church-years-after-600k-burglary/

[High Plains Drifter 11,052]

 

 Checks? Who steals and then hides checks?

 

 

[crash_davis 23,115]

maybe the thief realized that he couldn't roll up to his bank and say, "hey can you please cash these $600k of checks? just disregard the Pay To name on the checks. they are mine, I promise"

[burntorangebongos 10,752]

The church leadership who wanted an insurance check for the stolen money?

[crash_davis 23,115]

2 minutes ago, burntorangebongos said:

The church leadership who wanted an insurance check for the stolen money?

why couldn't they just deposit the checks. the amount would be the same either way, right?

[SimonBolivar 10,959]

6 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

why couldn't they just deposit the checks. the amount would be the same either way, right?

The checks wouldn't be insured either so they'd just cut another check. If it was a cashier's check they'd have to get an indemnity bond, but it still doesn't make any sense.

Edited December 3, 2021 by SimonBolivar

[Guest Lobo]

You guys really don’t see the link play here?   Considering there’s about 50 dipshit surly posters here that are members Of his church.  Let’s them absorb the story and we’ll get into the details.  

[crash_davis 23,115]

2 minutes ago, Lobo said:

You guys really don’t see the link play here?   Considering there’s about 50 dipshit surly posters here that are members Of his church.  Let’s them absorb the story and we’ll get into the details.  

was he trading blowjobs for donations in the restroom and passed out from the delight and forgot about the money, allegedly?

[demos 3,011]

Hey I found these envelopes full of cash and checks… I mean envelopes full of checks

[Native Horn 3,515]

26 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

was he trading blowjobs for donations in the restroom and passed out from the delight and forgot about the money, allegedly?

Oddly specific, but it is totally this.

Edited December 3, 2021 by Native Horn
speling

[Foosters 17,888]

33 minutes ago, Lobo said:

   Considering there’s about 50 dipshit surly posters here that are members Of his church. 

LOL what?

Can you PM me their usernames so I can also take advantage of them financially? 

[Foosters 17,888]

Also, this always gets me:

[Dennis Taylor 18,871]

16 minutes ago, Foosters said:

Also, this always gets me:

Got damn I was about to post that but say 'thats nothing,, just wait til they find all the dead bodies '

09dc012ad0a245caf726bf62918a237c1c37b0c0cff43f7d58c69db12a4667b7_1.webp

[atomheartbevo 89,799]

42 minutes ago, demos said:

Hey I found these envelopes full of cash and checks… I mean envelopes full of checks

[Harrison Bergeron 1,798]

Maybe it's Les Alexander's money and Joel did not update the men's room.

[40acredropout 2,902]

 

[Patricio Swayze 17,058]

You guys really don’t see the link play here?   Considering there’s about 50 dipshit surly posters here that are members Of his church.  Let’s them absorb the story and we’ll get into the details.  

If even 10 posters on this site are dumb enough to belong to that church, I am in the wrong fucking site.

[Guest Lobo]

Fair point.  I’ll bet there’s ten former/current members and somewhere between 25-50 that have donated to his church at some time in the past.  

[Patricio Swayze 17,058]

Fair point.  I’ll bet there’s ten former/current members and somewhere between 25-50 that have donated to his church at some time in the past.  

The only way I could rationalize something like that would be if they were aggy posters.

[TexasEd 8,077]

Here's my take on the play:

Hey gullible congregation, someone stole the collection from last week. Most of it was in cash and while we've filed the police report and want you to know to cancel your checks.  This really puts us in a hole financially missing out on a whole weekend's offerings so we are asking if you can help us make up for what was stolen.  We have a new auto pay plan and you can sign up to have your contributions automatically sent electronically.  This is really the safest way.  You can then add to or plus up your contributions electronically, or by in person donation going forward.

At the same time our insurance company needs us to replace the safe and beef up security so we are launching a capital campaign to improce security.

God Bless and God wants me to get that Ferrari I've been dreaming about.

[atomheartbevo 89,799]

22 minutes ago, TexasEd said:

Here's my take on the play:

Hey gullible congregation, someone stole the collection from last week. Most of it was in cash and while we've filed the police report and want you to know to cancel your checks.  This really puts us in a hole financially missing out on a whole weekend's offerings so we are asking if you can help us make up for what was stolen.  We have a new auto pay plan and you can sign up to have your contributions automatically sent electronically.  This is really the safest way.  You can then add to or plus up your contributions electronically, or by in person donation going forward.

At the same time our insurance company needs us to replace the safe and beef up security so we are launching a capital campaign to improce security.

God Bless and God wants me to get that Ferrari I've been dreaming about.

Yeah, but they could have pocketed the cash from the envelopes and that shit's easy to launder for churches.

[MrBig 5,440]

Were any of these found? 
 

[elfenix 34,332]

6 hours ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

What kind of coke bender must Osteen have been on when he forgot where he hid the money he stole from his church's safe?

https://www.click2houston.com/news/local/2021/12/02/money-checks-found-in-wall-of-joel-osteens-lakewood-church-years-after-600k-burglary/

[billfromlaketravis 11,523]

Anybody giving Lakewood money is regarded in my book. Osteen’s shtick is blatantly obvious. He might as well be on the Righteous Gemstones. 

Pastors don’t need and shouldn’t want 17k square feet houses. 

[Biff Tannen 45,742]

1 hour ago, billfromlaketravis said:

Anybody giving Lakewood money is regarded in my book. Osteen’s shtick is blatantly obvious. He might as well be on the Righteous Gemstones. 

Pastors don’t need and shouldn’t want 17k square feet houses. 

They are professional grifters.  I am still astounded how stupid people are.

[demos 3,011]

Pastors don’t need and shouldn’t want 17k square feet houses. 

What about cult leaders? Asking for a friend.

[Kel Varnsen 8,541]

[Neonmoon 38,130]

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/03/us/joel-osteen-cash-found-plumber.html
 

So the money was reported stolen is 2014. The money was insured and they collected it from. 

The 2014 theft from the church’s safe was discovered by a church employee, a Houston police spokesman told The Houston Chroniclethat year.

Lakewood Church said in a statement at the time that the “funds were fully insured, and we are working with our insurance company to restore the stolen funds to the church,” the newspaper reported.

 

[dcbc 14,509]

44 minutes ago, Neonmoon said:

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/03/us/joel-osteen-cash-found-plumber.html
 

So the money was reported stolen is 2014. The money was insured and they collected it from. 

The 2014 theft from the church’s safe was discovered by a church employee, a Houston police spokesman told The Houston Chroniclethat year.

Lakewood Church said in a statement at the time that the “funds were fully insured, and we are working with our insurance company to restore the stolen funds to the church,” the newspaper reported.

 

 

[Pato del Muerto 52,600]

You can insure cash in a safe?  So o can buy a safe, start a LLC, make a fake accounting book that shows 600k in profit over a year or two (slightly more plausible), insure the contents of the safe, claim a theft, then have my insurance pay me back the amount written in my books?  
 

If it was checks that were insured and paid out, why?  Just ask for new checks and inform the customers, I mean partitioners, to cancel the first one. 

[Guest Lobo]

Well, Joel done fucked up. People claiming it was left over from some 2014 “event” 

serial numbers from the bills already in circuLation suggest it’s been Joel hiding it.  
 

so do you Joel/Q/mega church idiots get it?   You’re stupid. 

[cactusflinthead 27,602]

9 hours ago, Biff Tannen said:

They are professional grifters.  I am still astounded how stupid people are.

This is the evangelical version. L Ron figured out there was more money in quasireligion than pulp science fiction.

Was Madame Blavatsky in it for the money?

Pick your religion, belief system, or large group of theoretically do gooders and you are likely to find some rot. That's why groups that audit the spending of charitable orgs are so valuable to me.

Hell, they gave money to Joel and the NRA. Grifted twice. Go for a trifecta with Pillow Guy.

[MrBig 5,440]

That toilet cash would put the PP in PPP loan if they didn’t obviously steal it from the insurance company first. 

[RDCanecutter 26,473]

So I assume this plumber only got to peek inside a small percentage of the church's wall space.

[Huckleberry 33,096]

55 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

So I assume this plumber only got to peek inside a small percentage of the church's wall space.

[freyguy 4,289]

12 hours ago, RDCanecutter said:

So I assume this plumber only got to peek inside a small percentage of the church's wall space.

 

[Beau Vine 54,430]

On 12/3/2021 at 3:50 PM, Harrison Bergeron said:

Maybe it's Les Alexander's money and Joel did not update the men's room.

It was Vernon Maxwell's coke money.

[RPM 26,354]

47 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

It was Vernon Maxwell's coke money.

Bang, bang...

 

[Quagmire 2,147]

Please let this be some huge deal that ends with that asshole in prison.

[hookemATL 11,893]

1 minute ago, Quagmire said:

Please let this be some huge deal that ends with that asshole in prison.

"And what is prison but a Church of lost, saveable souls"

Fullofshitliviticus 69:69

[JerrysJheriCurl 977]

 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,821]

10 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

It was Vernon Maxwell's coke money.

He got paid in cornbread, not cash.

[Armybrat 40,911]

[SurlyBDR 22,843]

Cross post from LOL thread

 

 

[Horn Under a Bad Sign 20,493]

How can Osteen plausibly deny that he didn't know about this?  Wouldn't it, like, require a toilet to be moved, a wall to be torn down etc..?  I mean, would a burglar steal money from a safe, move a toilet, tear down a wall, hide the money, repair the wall, put the toilet back ----- then leave the money there? After all that work?  And how is it that all this activity wouldn't be noticed?

[Updawg 2,286]

Blame it on satan

[Chewbacca 7,785]

Fair point.  I’ll bet there’s ten former/current members and somewhere between 25-50 that have donated to his church at some time in the past.  

Who else other that Spaulding?

[Harrison Bergeron 1,798]

Can someone please explain the why anyone would want to do this? Like @Pato del Muerto, I'm trying to wrap my head around one's ability to insure an offering / money in a safe. What would be the point of stealing $10,000, insuring it, but never spending the original money? It is not like Osteen or the church seems to be hurting for money.

I just can't find the motive of why anyone would do this - at some point someone is going to need to go get the money again ... not exactly easy just to go rebuild the bathroom and not get noticed (as the story proves). Why leave the money in the men's room? 

Edited December 7, 2021 by Harrison Bergeron

[Guest Lobo]

Some of y'all need to look up money laundering in the dictionary.  

And still more of you need to understand how organized religion work.  

Oh, right...right.  Good works and faith.  Oh shit, I almost typed that with a straight face this time.

[High Plains Drifter 11,052]

 

just for reference: