Plumber finds bags of cash and checks in the walls of Joel Osteen's church

[formermav43 4606]

35 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Some of y'all need to look up money laundering in the dictionary.  

And still more of you need to understand how organized religion work.  

Oh, right...right.  Good works and faith.  Oh shit, I almost typed that with a straight face this time.

Megachurches (and especially Osteen) are not exactly representative of organized religion in general.

[closetohumping 17470]

9 hours ago, JerrysJheriCurl said:

 

Shocked he didn’t have a Cajun accent

[bernorange 8363]

Denying shelter to folks during Hurricane Harvey has a whole new look now.

[DigglerontheHoof 21245]

6 hours ago, formermav43 said:

Megachurches (and especially Osteen) are not exactly representative of organized religion in general.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11821]

9 hours ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

How can Osteen plausibly deny that he didn't know about this?  Wouldn't it, like, require a toilet to be moved, a wall to be torn down etc..?  I mean, would a burglar steal money from a safe, move a toilet, tear down a wall, hide the money, repair the wall, put the toilet back ----- then leave the money there? After all that work?  And how is it that all this activity wouldn't be noticed?

The top of the wall is probably open above the ceiling.   You can climb up and just drop it down inside the wall.

[Kennythetiger 9460]

7 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

The top of the wall is probably open above the ceiling.   You can climb up and just drop it down inside the wall.

Joel??  

[formermav43 4606]

1 hour ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

Predictable response on surly.

But if you actually believe most churches are literally engaged in money laundering or are hoarding a bunch of money, you’re not as clever as you think you are.

[Dahobbs 17682]

1 hour ago, formermav43 said:

Predictable response on surly.

But if you actually believe most churches are literally engaged in money laundering or are hoarding a bunch of money, you’re not as clever as you think you are.

counterpoint:

[formermav43 4606]

2 minutes ago, Dahobbs said:

counterpoint:

Touché 

[demos 3011]

counterpoint:

At least you can see where the money went. It’s not hidden behind a toilet.

[crash_davis 23115]

14 hours ago, formermav43 said:

Megachurches (and especially Osteen) are not exactly representative of organized religion in general.

nor are they in any way representative of the teachings of Christ, but you could say that about the Southern Baptist Church and almost all organized christian churches.

[Harrison Bergeron 1798]

5 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

nor are they in any way representative of the teachings of Christ, but you could say that about the Southern Baptist Church and almost all organized christian churches.

Not to derail into a theological conversation, but Osteen is not an orthodox Christian. He would technically be defined as a heretic ... but that's probably for another thread.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21921]

42 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

nor are they in any way representative of the teachings of Christ, but you could say that about the Southern Baptist Church and almost all organized christian churches.

There is no such thing as the Southern Baptist Church

[crash_davis 23115]

6 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

There is no such thing as the Southern Baptist Church

ok, to get technical, it's the Southern Baptist Convention, which basically keeps it's members churches in line to preach the same shit.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

1 hour ago, crash_davis said:

ok, to get technical, it's the Southern Baptist Convention, which basically keeps it's members churches in line to preach the same shit.

You don't know how the Baptist churches operate.  They are autonomous.

[crash_davis 23115]

4 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

You don't know how the Baptist churches operate.  They are autonomous.

got damned you are an aggy. you really did go to the wrong school.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/southern-baptists-oust-churches-lgbtq-inclusion-76072901

autonomous as long as their preachings stay in line of the gun and capitalism loving, gays and poor people hating, jesus.

[Guest Lobo]

Then what's the point of the Baptist General Convention of Texas?  Staff of 150 in a big office across the street from Royal Oaks C.C. in Dallas.  They claim they "lead/administer" 5,200 Baptist churches in Texas.  I know those churches have far more leeway than say a Catholic Church in Texas has from the myriad diocese.  But it looks/sounds like there's some structure to the Baptist Church.  And by the looks of it, some financial kick-ups as well.  

Anyway, back to the douch-nozzle that is Joel Osteen.  Wouldn't this be enough to get the Feds to bring him in for questioning and do a proper forensic audit of both he and his church?  I'm sure he'll say somebody stole it and hid it there to come back and get it later.  I would think a church that "opulent" would keep detailed records of when work was done on it.  So the work order for that particular room with invoice and cancelled check must be somewhere.  So you can see the date the work was done.  Compare that against the dates on the checks (which obviously could have had incorrect dates from the past or future placed on them on purpose, but the printing of the check is easily discernible and could be a guide.  Also, the serial numbers on the cash hidden in there, and their dates of printing---you can easily tell what days those hit the federal reserve of Dallas for distribution to banks.  

but I'm guessing none of that will happen because Osteen will make that creepy smile and say something folksy and soul-warming to the cops and state troopers and they'll drop the whole fucking thing.  Because people so close to Jesus can't possibly steal.  At least Osteen can hold a bible up correctly in church, I'll give him that. 

Edited December 7, 2021 by Lobo

[F250 28818]

The SBC is more of a cartel than a denomination but it is essentially a denomination.

 

[Johnny Sack 8397]

8 minutes ago, crash_davis said:

got damned you are an aggy. you really did go to the wrong school.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/southern-baptists-oust-churches-lgbtq-inclusion-76072901

autonomous as long as their preachings stay in line of the gun and capitalism loving, gays and poor people hating, jesus.

They are autonomous.  They may or may not be members of various conventions.  And the conventions can kick them out.  But the churches themselves make all policies and choose whether to be in a convention.  Membership is voluntary and the conventions have zero authority to govern anything at the church level.  

There is no top-down governance like there is with the Presbyterians, Episcopals or Catholics.

You insult me for stating facts and then go on to state a lot of stupid shit.

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21921]

15 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Then what's the point of the Baptist General Convention of Texas?  Staff of 150 in a big office across the street from Royal Oaks C.C. in Dallas.  They claim they "lead/administer" 5,200 Baptist churches in Texas.  I know those churches have far more leeway than say a Catholic Church in Texas has from the myriad diocese.  But it looks/sounds like there's some structure to the Baptist Church.  And by the looks of it, some financial kick-ups as well.  

[Guest Lobo]

Makes sense.  Just seems like a big staff, big office, and big budget for having no real teeth and being "solely a medium through which Baptist churches way work in cooperation with each other."  Seems like you could do that with 9 guys and a computer.

Then again, my wife's Catholic church here in Austin.  FTE Staff of 30 for 3000 parishioners seems like overkill (especially when you consider the dozens more of volunteers, clergy students, et. al.).  And they need the $30mm church on 28 acres in the one of the nicest parts of Austin to connect us to God.  

Note to Self-----be sure to knock on the walls of the church next time I'm there.  But don't be obvious about it.  

[Deej 76922]

42 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Then what's the point of the Baptist General Convention of Texas?  Staff of 150 in a big office across the street from Royal Oaks C.C. in Dallas.  They claim they "lead/administer" 5,200 Baptist churches in Texas.  I know those churches have far more leeway than say a Catholic Church in Texas has from the myriad diocese.  But it looks/sounds like there's some structure to the Baptist Church.  And by the looks of it, some financial kick-ups as well.  

Anyway, back to the douch-nozzle that is Joel Osteen.  Wouldn't this be enough to get the Feds to bring him in for questioning and do a proper forensic audit of both he and his church?  I'm sure he'll say somebody stole it and hid it there to come back and get it later.  I would think a church that "opulent" would keep detailed records of when work was done on it.  So the work order for that particular room with invoice and cancelled check must be somewhere.  So you can see the date the work was done.  Compare that against the dates on the checks (which obviously could have had incorrect dates from the past or future placed on them on purpose, but the printing of the check is easily discernible and could be a guide.  Also, the serial numbers on the cash hidden in there, and their dates of printing---you can easily tell what days those hit the federal reserve of Dallas for distribution to banks.  

but I'm guessing none of that will happen because Osteen will make that creepy smile and say something folksy and soul-warming to the cops and state troopers and they'll drop the whole fucking thing.  Because people so close to Jesus can't possibly steal.  At least Osteen can hold a bible up correctly in church, I'll give him that. 

"Hey fellas, what a coincidence. I just finished cutting a check to your association.  Really glad you stopped by."

[Guest Lobo]

3 minutes ago, Deej said:

"Hey fellas, what a coincidence. I just finished cutting a check to your association.  Really glad you stopped by."

I laughed out loud because I can easily hear him in my head, and I can easily see them falling for it.  

"We're the FBI/Treasury Agents, Mr. Osteen.  We don't have a policeman's benevolence fund you can donate to so we'll stop asking questions." 

(joel keeps writing zeroes...), "Well ya fellas do now!  Consider it seeded!  God Bless!" 

"Mr. Osteen.  We are supported by a federal employee retirement system with medical benefits.  Have you been doing this the whole time with local cops and Texas tax assessors?"  

(joel sighing in his palms), "I have the worst fucking attorneys."  

[elfenix 34332]

17 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Makes sense.  Just seems like a big staff, big office, and big budget for having no real teeth and being "solely a medium through which Baptist churches way work in cooperation with each other."  Seems like you could do that with 9 guys and a computer.

Then again, my wife's Catholic church here in Austin.  FTE Staff of 30 for 3000 parishioners seems like overkill (especially when you consider the dozens more of volunteers, clergy students, et. al.).  And they need the $30mm church on 28 acres in the one of the nicest parts of Austin to connect us to God.  

Note to Self-----be sure to knock on the walls of the church next time I'm there.  But don't be obvious about it.  

the best kind of grift is the grift where you look like you're doing something important. 

[Deej 76922]

1 minute ago, Lobo said:

I laughed out loud because I can easily hear him in my head, and I can easily see them falling for it.  

"We're the FBI/Treasury Agents, Mr. Osteen.  We don't have a policeman's benevolence fund you can donate to so we'll stop asking questions." 

(joel keeps writing zeroes...), "Well ya fellas do now!  Consider it seeded!  God Bless!" 

"Mr. Osteen.  We are supported by a federal employee retirement system with medical benefits.  Have you been doing this the whole time with local cops and Texas tax assessors?"  

(joel sighing in his palms), "I have the worst fucking attorneys."  

 

[cactusflinthead 27602]

1 hour ago, Johnny Sack said:

They are autonomous.  They may or may not be members of various conventions.  And the conventions can kick them out.  But the churches themselves make all policies and choose whether to be in a convention.  Membership is voluntary and the conventions have zero authority to govern anything at the church level.  

There is no top-down governance like there is with the Presbyterians, Episcopals or Catholics.

You insult me for stating facts and then go on to state a lot of stupid shit.

 

You want to keep getting that sweet Mission Board cash? Toe the line.

https://www.bgdailynews.com/secret-recordings-leaked-letters-explosive-secrets-rocking-the-southern-baptist-convention/article_02c8d485-3e58-55b3-afef-5a3d81805ea1.html

[TwiceHorn 31536]

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

Then what's the point of the Baptist General Convention of Texas?  Staff of 150 in a big office across the street from Royal Oaks C.C. in Dallas.  They claim they "lead/administer" 5,200 Baptist churches in Texas.  I know those churches have far more leeway than say a Catholic Church in Texas has from the myriad diocese.  But it looks/sounds like there's some structure to the Baptist Church.  And by the looks of it, some financial kick-ups as well.  

Anyway, back to the douch-nozzle that is Joel Osteen.  Wouldn't this be enough to get the Feds to bring him in for questioning and do a proper forensic audit of both he and his church?  I'm sure he'll say somebody stole it and hid it there to come back and get it later.  I would think a church that "opulent" would keep detailed records of when work was done on it.  So the work order for that particular room with invoice and cancelled check must be somewhere.  So you can see the date the work was done.  Compare that against the dates on the checks (which obviously could have had incorrect dates from the past or future placed on them on purpose, but the printing of the check is easily discernible and could be a guide.  Also, the serial numbers on the cash hidden in there, and their dates of printing---you can easily tell what days those hit the federal reserve of Dallas for distribution to banks.  

but I'm guessing none of that will happen because Osteen will make that creepy smile and say something folksy and soul-warming to the cops and state troopers and they'll drop the whole fucking thing.  Because people so close to Jesus can't possibly steal.  At least Osteen can hold a bible up correctly in church, I'll give him that. 

The relationship between the SBC, BGCT, and individual churches is a bit hard to explain.  The churches pick their pastor and the pastor largely picks their theology and church operations, within some limits.  And membership in SBC and BGCT does impose some limits on the theology and church operations.  And membership in those orgs is important to Baptist churches that identify themselves as Southern Baptist.

Also, I was vexed by across the street from Royal Oaks.

Although I am not a member, I have spent a shitpile of time there since I was a kid.  And, currently, I mountain bike across Greenville from the entrance probably once or twice a week.  And, the only thing across the street from Royal Oaks is a Callaways Nursery and a dog grooming and boarding place, formerly a liquor store.

BGCT is across the street from Presbyterian Hospital, or to be punctilious, Texas Health Dallas. It's two or three streets south of Royal Oaks.

 

Edited December 8, 2021 by TwiceHorn

[Guest Lobo]

Please forgive me father.  From the map, it looked like you walk out of their office on Rambler, cross Meadow, and you're basically at the main gate of the Country Club.  

Okay, the tea-totaling judgmental bureaucrats are Country Club-adjacent, not directly across.  It's a hard map to read, it was devised by a lesbian cartographer who worshipped as a Jew.  I gotta get google maps apparently.

[TwiceHorn 31536]

Just now, Lobo said:

Please forgive me father.  From the map, it looked like you walk out of their office on Rambler, cross Meadow, and you're basically at the main gate of the Country Club.  

Okay, the tea-totaling judgmental bureaucrats are Country Club-adjacent, not directly across.  It's a hard map to read, it was devised by a lesbian cartographer who worshipped as a Jew.  I gotta get google maps apparently.

It isn't that far, you're right, but that's not the entrance.  You can't even see it from Rambler.  And all you could see is a wrought iron fence and some greens and sand traps and shit.

The whole Rambler Road thing is like a hugely overgrown stripmall of offices that faces Presbyterian.  I'm a little surprised there's a 100+ employee operation in there, but there are some kind of bigger buildings in the back.  

I think it started as professional offices for docs and related health care things.

[phdhorn 6224]

9 hours ago, Dahobbs said:

counterpoint:

I'll give 'em a break. They saved Western civilization for 1400 years. None of us would be here in any way shape or form like we are today if they didn't.

Besides, people like playing bingo.

[Samson's Wig 3194]

1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

And that, my friends, is what we call in the business "limiting your liability".  Well done, church.

[Beau Vine 54430]

 

[Dennis Taylor 18871]

On 12/4/2021 at 7:55 PM, Pato del Muerto said:

You can insure cash in a safe?  So o can buy a safe, start a LLC, make a fake accounting book that shows 600k in profit over a year or two (slightly more plausible), insure the contents of the safe, claim a theft, then have my insurance pay me back the amount written in my books?  
 

If it was checks that were insured and paid out, why?  Just ask for new checks and inform the customers, I mean partitioners, to cancel the first one. 

Do you know what the penalty for insurance fraud is in this state?

Well....Its probably pretty stiff

Edited December 8, 2021 by Dennis Taylor

[Caponata 151]

Kudos to this dude:

 

Edited December 8, 2021 by Caponata

[Updawg 2286]

I always thought Johnny was a Randall’s Mormon offspring? Who knows

What if the checks are fake or something that were insured. Fuck him im sure it’s crooked somehow

[SurlyBDR 22843]

[Cajun 11740]

On 12/7/2021 at 8:39 PM, Beau Vine said:

 

THAT was beautiful!