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Gather 'round, young surls, for the retelling of a classic Christmas story


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Posted
I don't hang lights. I don't get people that do. I really don't get people that go all out with them. 

We live on a street where a lot of people do it up big. Like, big enough that we regularly have people touring our. Lock around Christmas. So, when we moved in, we felt like we needed to play ball. We do…..but barely. We participate. That’s it. And we’ve got our setup down to a science, so we can get it up in a few hours.

But if we didn’t, it wouldn’t break my heart.
  • 2 years later...
Posted

The last year or two on my street the Hive Mind decided to all hang the same kind of Christmas lights. And not the gaudy Uncle-Bert-stole-a-truckload-of-lights either, which would have been glorious. No, they all opted for Sad Protestant Single Strand of White Lights outlining the roof and wall edges of the house.

Sorta gives the feeling of walking through an early vector-graphic game like Battlezone.

What's more, nobody hangs the lights themselves. Oh No. There's some gang of hillbillies rolling around doing it for everybody and I hope those fuckers are making bank.

Me, I am too blue-collar deep down to pay some other dude to do frivolous shit for me. And I am way too lazy to do it myself.

There is a stump, a 4-foot-tall stump out front that I left that way for reasons, 50/50, of critter habitat, and pissing off people who wish we had an HOA that wouldn't let us leave stumps. Maybe after Christmas I'll wrap a strand of lights around the stump, just so people who don't like the stump can see it in the dark.

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  • 11 months later...
Posted

its been 19 years since wide-e-wide posted that

 

NINETEEN YEARS

 

the kids in his story are all somewhere between 20-30 today ....

 

this line... this is the line that has always spoken to me most:

 

The point is, we spent almost $50 to look at the Christmas lights in our own damn neighborhood.

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Posted

it's a perfect story.  a tradition as important as a tree or a turkey. 

“oooh like over thurr- look at the Santa up on the roof kids.” I know bitch “I'M THE ONE THAT FUCKING PUT HIS FAT ASS UP THERE LAST WEEK"

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Wife wanted to go to some trail of lights kind of thing that she said was about a 30-minute drive away.  I said hell no while thinking of this thread.  

WHHHHHHHYYYYYY?????!?!??!

Me: Because the Christmas lights are awesome here in town and I'm not going to spend a half hour in a car and then pay to look at more lights.

We went to a hockey game Saturday with our friends in Denver and she tried to get them interested in going.  The husband shot her down: "I'm not driving 30 minutes to see Christmas lights when I can see them in my own neighborhood." 

I nearly had to show her this story...

 

Posted

I normally have a tradition of reading this storIy by myself Thanksgiving night, but decided that it was time jameslaw jr was ready (he's in 6th grade now. We also added Die Hard to him movie watching)

He lost it at "I put his fat add up there last week!"

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Posted
16 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I normally have a tradition of reading this storIy by myself Thanksgiving night, but decided that it was time jameslaw jr was ready (he's in 6th grade now. We also added Die Hard to him movie watching)

He lost it at "I put his fat add up there last week!"

You can say “ass” on here. 

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