Herschel Walker catch-all thread

[topochico 1,048]

The way I heard it was a vampire was being driven by a werewolf. Well, the vampire has always been werewolf curious, because he knows werewolves are powerful and can kill vampires. So the vampire reached over and grabbed the werewolf's crotch.....

[MissingInAction 24,694]

3 minutes ago, topochico said:

The way I heard it was a vampire was being driven by a werewolf. Well, the vampire has always been werewolf curious, because he knows werewolves are powerful and can kill vampires. So the vampire reached over and grabbed the werewolf's crotch.....

Twilight fanfic?

[Bateshorn 9,853]

Lol, I was on a junket with Schlapp 20 years ago.  No good stories, sadly.  He looked 50 even when he was 28. 
 

The Palm Beach Ritz is really nice tho. 

[Ted Lange 15,952]

Do they serve THAT burger though?

[Aqua Buddha 14,450]

 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,768]

why is there not a Mercedes in this story?

[Pescado_Rojo 19,290]

36 minutes ago, Aqua Buddha said:

 

[ConferenceRoom 6,123]

[Cousin Strawberry 1,261]

2 hours ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

I'm guessing the wife knows and she's stuck around for the financial security and access to the cocktail parties. Now that he's embarrassed her publicly, she'll take half his shit and move on. 

 

[Ted Lange 15,952]

 

[Homercles 10,205]

2 hours ago, ConferenceRoom said:

[Tuco 5,076]

8 hours ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

When the story started, I assumed this staffer was a relatively young gop guy. Who else gets driver duty. No, he’s in his late 30s. Walker was paying middle-aged worker salaries to drive people? No wonder he lost if his campaign did that.

 

There are plenty of people in the 30s, 40s, 50s, working in campaigns who don't get paid shit.  It's not a standard career path.  

[Brisketexan 104,194]

40 minutes ago, Ted Lange said:

 

I mean.... I know that "enthusiastic penis fondler" is meant as a pejorative here, and I'm here for it.  But, ummm, we're not including within that criticism the circumstance of it being YOUR OWN penis.....right?  Right?  Just asking questions.  On @Macanudo's behalf.

[HenryJames 65,792]

 

[Longhorn_Fan68 33,769]

is the simulation finally learning what humor is?

[Macanudo 12,911]

My penis is doing just fine.   I checked already today.   

[Bateshorn 9,853]

 

seems to be a theme here. 

Edited January 6, 2023 by Bateshorn

[Beau Vine 53,820]

2 minutes ago, Bateshorn said:

 

seems to be a theme here. 

[TeeDubya 3,358]

wrong thread, NVM

Edited January 6, 2023 by TeeDubya

[Francisco 2.0 32,289]

[Francisco 2.0 32,289]

 

[C-Man 26,896]

 

[hookemATL 11,563]

Back in the pile!

[Js1 84,935]

1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

Lindsey in the hotel room

[Dnaguy 11,619]

On 1/6/2023 at 10:29 AM, Aqua Buddha said:

 

 

 

 

[jimmyjazz 45,328]

On 1/6/2023 at 10:14 AM, Ted Lange said:

Do they serve THAT burger though?

Deconstructed crotch.  It's off menu.

[Pato del Muerto 52,184]

28 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

Deconstructed crotch.  It's off menu.

Angel hair pasta in one quadrant, sausage in another, two hush puppies in the third, and “aioli” in the last. 
 

served with a mug of hot water and a teabag. 

[HenryJames 65,792]

 

[Blotto 23,349]

If you were sentenced to having to drive from California to New York in a car with only yourself as a passenger and Christian Walker driving, how far into the drive before you just end it all by diving out the door onto the highway? Do you even make it out of California? 

[Covri 6,223]

53 minutes ago, Blotto said:

If you were sentenced to having to drive from California to New York in a car with only yourself as a passenger and Christian Walker driving, how far into the drive before you just end it all by diving out the door onto the highway? Do you even make it out of California? 

You must be single

[Js1 84,935]

1 hour ago, Blotto said:

If you were sentenced to having to drive from California to New York in a car with only yourself as a passenger and Christian Walker driving, how far into the drive before you just end it all by diving out the door onto the highway? Do you even make it out of California? 

Ugh no thanks. 
 

 

 

okay maybe. 

[Gil Bang 25,822]

2 hours ago, Blotto said:

If you were sentenced to having to drive from California to New York in a car with only yourself as a passenger and Christian Walker driving, how far into the drive before you just end it all by diving out the door onto the highway? Do you even make it out of California? 

Yeah, if he were a hot chick that gave road head we'd deal with it.    But most of the married guys deal with it and their wives aren't as hot as they once were and don't give road head at all. 

And I couldn't sit next to Christian Walker from CA to NY if I were in first class on the fucking Concorde. 

[atomheartbevo 89,288]

4 hours ago, Blotto said:

If you were sentenced to having to drive from California to New York in a car with only yourself as a passenger and Christian Walker driving, how far into the drive before you just end it all by diving out the door onto the highway? Do you even make it out of California? 

or

Edited January 9, 2023 by atomheartbevo

[jimmyjazz 45,328]

11 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Yeah, if he were a hot chick that gave road head we'd deal with it.   

That would be you, since you're the passenger in this hypothetical scenario.

[Francisco 2.0 32,289]

 

 

[YGIFS 19,445]

"Jetts Private Air(drying)"  It's the Four Seasons (Total Landscaping) of private luxury travel.  

[Tuco 5,076]

 
 

Ok, so pretty obvious embezzlement. Now the question is who helped.

——
Edit: one of the responses said the donor also owned an aviation company that has a jet. Might be a case of setting up multiple companies under one entity.

[South Austin 51,925]

This is just so shocking.

[tx 3 putt 75,851]

[Longhorn_Fan68 33,769]

37 minutes ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

they literally stole this idea from Breaking Bad, didn't they?

[TwiceHorn 30,972]

On 1/6/2023 at 2:37 PM, Bateshorn said:

 

seems to be a theme here. 

Tutti Frutti, good booty
If it don't fit, don't force it
You can grease it, make it easy

Edited March 1, 2023 by TwiceHorn

[Sawbonz 27,139]

4 hours ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

[aggie08 21,170]

3 hours ago, Longhorn_Fan68 said:

they literally stole this idea from Breaking Bad, didn't they?

Of course I know how money laundering works!

...but, uh, let's watch Breaking Bad to make sure you know how it works.

[Tuco 5,076]

9 hours ago, aggie08 said:

Of course I know how money laundering works!

...but, uh, let's watch Breaking Bad to make sure you know how it works.

This seems like a really bad way to launder money.  

Generally, you want to funnel illegal cash into legitimate business in a way that doesn't leave a paper trail.  Cash businesses are great for that.  But there is all sorts of documentation required for transferring money into a campaign and all sorts of documentation to go from the campaign to the car wash.  I know these people are stupid, but that seems overly complicated and stupid. 

My best bet is that the owner used the same tax-id for the car wash as he did for his aviation company.  It could still be a grift, but one that is harder to prove.  The other reasonable possibility is that it is just straight-up embezzlement: the owner and a campaign worker cut real checks to a fake company for fake services.  

[YGIFS 19,445]

The other dead giveaway?  The cash contributions came via wet quarters.  

[Pig Bellmont 8,658]

44 minutes ago, Tuco said:

My best bet is that the owner used the same tax-id for the car wash as he did for his aviation company.

For reasons related to insurance and payroll and liabilities and about a million other reasons, I don’t buy that. 

[Pescado_Rojo 19,290]

16 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

The other dead giveaway?  The cash contributions came via wet quarters.  

Wet Quarters played a great set at Bonnaroo in 2013

[Chad Fuck 17,434]

Wet Quarters played a great set at Bonnaroo in 2013

Until their lead singer got hit in the eye with one and they ended their set early.

[Foggy Notion 1,202]

Thomas Huff is the donor who owned Jetts car wash. He bought Epstein’s Gulfstream right before Epstein’s arrest in 2019 and then tried to sue Epstein’s estate in 2021, claiming that the stigma of the plane made it worthless. FWIW the plane in question is not the Lolita Express.

https://nypost.com/2021/10/28/georgia-pilot-bought-epstein-jet-weeks-before-his-arrest/amp/

 

[YGIFS 19,445]

Okay, well "Wet Quarters" is a decent band name but "Stigma of the Plane" is a fucking awesome one.  Holy shit.  When do we make t-shirts?