I did a shitty thing and I felt bad

[bernorange 8362]

I was reading though the various threads here about Santa Fe, mass shootings, etc. and thinking about the issues involved with the disenfranchised actors when I got to thinking about an incident in my past when I was in high school (many, many years ago). 

I had an AP Chemistry class with an outstanding teacher.  His tests were hard as shit.  You had to really understand the material to be able to apply it in problem solving.  This wasn't a memorize formulas and plug into calculator type of class.  Teacher did a great job explaining things.  He taught the class like a college course because that's what he really wanted to do (teach college).  I understand that a few years after I graduated, he did move to teaching at a college some where. 

Anyway, because it was a Chemistry class, teacher paired up everyone with a lab partner.  We didn't get a choice, he just assigned everyone in the class.  I got assigned this awkward ROTC kid that no one liked (social pariah).  He was .. different.  Anyway, I got teased quite a bit from my classmates and friends about being lab partners with this guy.  It felt really shitty.  The guy was actually fairly intelligent and a decent enough lab partner as far as conducting the experiments went, but being around him was a beating to the psyche/soul.

So, I talked to my teacher after class one day and asked if he could reassign me a new lab partner.  He asked me why I made the request.  I explained the situation and I'll never forget how he responded.  He shook his head with disdain and told me how disappointed he was with me.  I felt ashamed.  I did get a new lab partner, but I always felt shitty about how I ditched the first one.  He (ROTC kid) was obviously hurt when he found out I had requested a new lab partner.

I am glad he didn't end up snapping and shooting me (et al.) back in the day.  He seemed to fit the modern profile for a high risk.

 

Edited May 21, 2018 by bernorange
tks Anastasis

[tantric superman 4667]

And that kid? 

Yeah, you guessed it.  He became governor of Texas.

[Anastasis 23481]

*et al.

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

Eh, high school kids do shitty things. News at 11.

And the teacher taught it like a college class because it is supposed to be taught like a college class.

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

And the teacher should have been mixing the lab partners upon occasion anyway.

[deadshank 24653]

AP chemisty humble brag 

[Chuckie Finster 22712]

If it makes you feel any better, you (the guy being mean to the awkward kid) were statistically much more likely to shoot up the school than the actual awkward kid.

[staboner 4984]

eh. this shit happened all the time. i was made fun of here and there. kids are cruel

why are these kids to goddamn detached from any societal good is the question? its just being executed at school because thats where they are. 

same same, but same

[F250 28806]

You are right, that is pretty shitty.

[phdhorn 6224]

... and yet, despite his disdain, the teacher assigned me some airhead blonde, but who had great tits and loved to fuck.**

** Now you know the rest of the story! [/Paul Harvey]

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

This might be a good thread topic: "Shitty thing I did and feel bad about now." 

[bernorange 8362]

1 minute ago, High Plains Drifter said:

This might be a good thread topic: "Shitty thing I did and feel bad about now." 

I got my catharsis.  You are welcome to step up to the plate if you want to.

[bernorange 8362]

11 minutes ago, Chuckie Finster said:

If it makes you feel any better, you (the guy being mean to the awkward kid) were statistically much more likely to shoot up the school than the actual awkward kid.

Where are you seeing such statistics?  Because, that doesn't square with everything I've been reading since Columbine.

[JBJ 3664]

Socially ackward, cerebral, or artistically emotive people don't match the psycological profile of a killer.  They commit suicide when they get abysmal. They are more apt to lash out at themselves than others.

Edited May 21, 2018 by JBJ

[bernorange 8362]

Quote

...

Princeton sociologist Katherine Newman, has studied all the school shootings that occurred in the U.S. since 1970.

Newman says the school shooters she’s studied had a few things in common. They have all been white males, generally between the ages of 15 and 25, most were depressed, and most were intelligent.

...

Newman says all of the school shooters she studied were “dwebish intellectuals” or “outcasts.” ...

http://mynorthwest.com/5619/common-traits-of-all-school-shooters-in-the-us-since-1970/

Quote

The U.S. Secret Service conducted one of the most thorough studies of school shooters over the past decades to try and create a "profile." That study uncovered certain commonalities of shooters. Though these characteristics do not predict a shooter, student school shooters are more likely to be:

• Male
• Caucasian
• Withdrawn (pulls back from school activities)
• Isolated or rejected from peers
• Living in a rural community
• Have easy access to weapons
• Bullied repeatedly from a young age (there is a point when the bullied child flips roles and becomes the bully)
• From a troubled home

https://www.sharecare.com/health/injuries-wound-trauma/what-characteristics-school-shooters

Really not sure how JBJ and Chuckie are arguing that the socially awkward, isolated teenager isn't the high risk profile for a high school mass shooting.  It's exactly the profile that we've seen since Columbine.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

1 minute ago, bernorange said:

 

Really not sure how JBJ and Chuckie are arguing that the socially awkward, isolated teenager isn't the high risk profile for a high school mass shooting.  It's exactly the profile that we've seen since Columbine.

Because then they'd have to look at themselves in the mirror maybe ??

[Guest]

lol Chuckie for sure. That guy is an Incel if I've ever read one posting on here.

[Dirk X West 772]

Just now, OatmealRaisinCookie said:

lol Chuckie for sure. That guy is an Incel if I've ever read one posting on here.

Don't you bully him!

[Brisketexan 105190]

Every one of us has a moment (usually several) where we could have acted with kindness and decency towards someone who deserved it or needed it....and we opted be selfish and even cruel.  It's a simple fork in the road, and sometimes, we take the wrong one. And we can never take it back.

For me, being so painfully aware of such episodes in my past serves as a huge yellow caution flag against repeating them.  As a result, I am MUCH better about opting for the kind path.  Not that I don't still fail, but I am aware of more chances I run across where I don't fail.

Like the other night, doing a pickup a the HEB pharmacy right before they closed.  There was an old man in front of me talking the pharmacist's ear off...just telling her everything about his day, his life, etc.  She motioned me forward, and as I was doing my transaction, he started talking to me -- telling me about when he moved to Austin, his dad was a professor at UT in the 30s, etc. etc. -- seriously, just rambling old man shit.  Mildly interesting, but inside, I just wanted to bail.  But he kept talking.  And it clicked in my head that it was obviously important for this guy to have someone to talk to.  And what the hell, I wasn't in a hurry, I can give this guy some of my time to make him happy.  So, I stood there and listened for around 10 minutes, until the pharmacist had to shut down and close the gate, making a natural break in the conversation.

I'm not putting that up to show that I'm a great guy -- there's plenty of times when I'm brusque and blow people off.  But it's an example of me being AWARE that another person needed some act of kindness/decency from me, and I recognized it.  Because I worry about all of the times that I haven't.

Being a selfish dick sometimes is the best way to learn how not to be a selfish dick.  Or at least, to be better at it.

[Helobious 9464]

I was madly in love with a girl in high school for almost 3 years. She was so pretty and was always nice to me. Junior year I finally got enough courage to ask her out. She said sorry but no thanks and that she really liked me as a friend, I just wasn’t her romantic type. I believe I said something like “well you’re a fucking whore anyway” and ran off almost in tears. 

I told anyone that would listen we had hooked up and that she was a stuck up bitch so they should stay away, but that she was great if they just wanted sex. I thought I had to do damage control since she’d tell all her friends how pathetic I was.

It turned out she told no one about the encounter. Makes what I did all that much more shitty.

[RexWilson 1348]

You trying to get your name off the guy's list?

[bernorange 8362]

Damn Brisket.  It's scary sometimes the surreal coincidences one finds in life.  Your HEB story reminded me of almost the exact same thing that happened to to my wife and I.  We were at our local HEB shortly after hurricane Harvey to pick up some Rx.  There was an older lady there who got in line right behind us.  My wife is the yin to my yang.  She's extroverted and chatty where I'm introverted and quiet (in public).  My wife made some innocuous comment to the other lady and opened Pandora's box.  The other lady started talking and talking and talking.  The wellspring opened and she was talking about her Harvey woes (staying at a shelter), family issues, pets, art work (she was a painter) and on and on.  At first, I was like, OMG WTF.  But in a moment of clarity, I felt/saw the same thing you did.  That lady needed someone to talk to.  She had a lot of pent up shit from the ordeal of the hurricane and apparently no one to listen to her.  I sat down in a chair and let the older lady chat with my wife without a word or cross look from me for the next 10 minutes or so.

[Guest]

17 minutes ago, Helobious said:

I was madly in love with a girl in high school for almost 3 years. She was so pretty and was always nice to me. Junior year I finally got enough courage to ask her out. She said sorry but no thanks and that she really liked me as a friend, I just wasn’t her romantic type. I believe I said something like “well you’re a fucking whore anyway” and ran off almost in tears. 

I told anyone that would listen we had hooked up and that she was a stuck up bitch so they should stay away, but that she was great if they just wanted sex. I thought I had to do damage control since she’d tell all her friends how pathetic I was.

It turned out she told no one about the encounter. Makes what I did all that much more shitty.

lol, this was posted once i think on the kanye thread or something: https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/12/11/cat-person

[F250 28806]

During P.E. In middle school we played a game of soccer. I was assigning positions to the kids on my team when this chubby dorky kid insisted on being the goalie. He said something about taking lessons and guarnteed no one would score on him. I said ok but if he costs us the game I would beat his ass.

He ended up sucking and gave up a goal at the last minute. I started running towards him from across the field when he took of sprinting towards the gym. You had to go up a steep hill to get in the gym from the fields. I caught up with towards the top of the hill. He started squealing and wrestling away from me so I grabbed him by the back and threw him down the hill. He tumbled down the hill and then face planted. I didn't mean to cause him that much harm so I went to check on him.

As I tried to help him up, he slapped my arm away and started hysterically crying. I think I was motivated by shame because his loud crying and rejection of my offer to help resulted in a few punches to his face. I left him balled up crying and went into the gym.

That one still stings me to this day. I tried to make amends with him years later in high school. He refused to speak to me, I never approached him again after that.

[Newdoc 3448]

[Sbbruin 21865]

I'm ashamed and disappointed in the whole lot of you.

[tantric superman 4667]

When I was younger, a bunch of older kids dared me to kill this stray dog.

And I did.

 

[Brisketexan 105190]

8 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

I'm ashamed and disappointed in the whole lot of you.

You think you are now, wait till you find out how we treated your wife.

[Chuckie Finster 22712]

1 hour ago, bernorange said:

http://mynorthwest.com/5619/common-traits-of-all-school-shooters-in-the-us-since-1970/

https://www.sharecare.com/health/injuries-wound-trauma/what-characteristics-school-shooters

Really not sure how JBJ and Chuckie are arguing that the socially awkward, isolated teenager isn't the high risk profile for a high school mass shooting.  It's exactly the profile that we've seen since Columbine.

The problem is that we as a society automatically associate "socially awkward/outcast" with "bullied."  There are plenty of outcasts who are the ones who do the bullying.  The Columbine kids, for example.  The Santa Fe kid was on the football team.  Pretty much everyone at Parkland has confessed that they were terrified by that guy.  The Sandy Hook lunatic fits the profile of a kid that probably would have been bullied,  but he didn't even have enough social interactions with people to be given the that opportunity.  There was an incel joke above, and while those guys' actions are usually driven by perceived slights at the hands of others, it's usually simply being ignored/rejected by the opposite sex, not outright bullying.

We like to throw the bullying angle out there because it's easy to just assume that if tell people to be nice to one another, this problem will go away.  It's much harder to grasp that this issue is more complicated than teens not sitting with the weird kid at lunch. 

Edited May 21, 2018 by Chuckie Finster

[mdmost 43014]

We've all done and said terrible things to or about someone in high school. It's a shitty point of life that everyone has to get through to escape the teen years and move to adulthood. It's survival of the fittest. The difference is before Columbine, the picked on, socially awkward, incels, angry, etc. types wouldn't come to school blasting away to show their rage. Some would kill themselves, cut themselves or do other forms of self harm. 

[Hank Scorpio 17729]

1 minute ago, mdmost said:

We've all done and said terrible things to or about someone in high school. It's a shitty point of life that everyone has to get through to escape the teen years and move to adulthood. 

Agreed. For example, I voted for George W. Bush. 

[Sbbruin 21865]

My entry is an easy one to remember, because it was a completely shitty thing to do.  I went to baseball camp at UC Riverside when I was maybe in 7th or 8th grade.  We were having breakfast in the cafeteria.  I was at that age where I did stupid shit for attention.  So this blind kid is walking by, and I intentionally put a chair in his path to potentially trip him up.  A teacher/coach sees me do this and freaks out on me.  I almost got sent home.  Someone gave the kid a heads up before he tripped on it.  Damn, I still feel shitty about that almost 40 yrs later.

[Jersey Man10 3538]

Damn.

[Okie State 3822]

The things I regret the most are being an asshole to my Mom on occasion. Not anything exceptionally cruel or anything, just normal teenage boy lashing out at their parents over meaningless, selfish shit. I guess you always assume you'll have more time to apologize or make it up to that person, until you don't.

[Helobious 9464]

1 minute ago, Sbbruin said:

My entry is an easy one to remember, because it was a completely shitty thing to do.  I went to baseball camp at UC Riverside when I was maybe in 7th or 8th grade.  We were having breakfast in the cafeteria.  I was at that age where I did stupid shit for attention.  So this blind kid is walking by, and I intentionally put a chair in his path to potentially trip him up.  A teacher/coach sees me do this and freaks out on me.  I almost got sent home.  Someone gave the kid a heads up before he tripped on it.  Damn, I still feel shitty about that almost 40 yrs later.

There's a new leader in clubhouse. Jesus, dude. 

[bernorange 8362]

Post #32 explains a lot about post #26.  Thanks for sharing though.  I think it's important that we all recognize our part(s) in the human tapestry we both weave and enjoy. 

[F250 28806]

6 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

My entry is an easy one to remember, because it was a completely shitty thing to do.  I went to baseball camp at UC Riverside when I was maybe in 7th or 8th grade.  We were having breakfast in the cafeteria.  I was at that age where I did stupid shit for attention.  So this blind kid is walking by, and I intentionally put a chair in his path to potentially trip him up.  A teacher/coach sees me do this and freaks out on me.  I almost got sent home.  Someone gave the kid a heads up before he tripped on it.  Damn, I still feel shitty about that almost 40 yrs later.

1. That is epically fucked up.

2. What was a blind kid doing at a baseball camp?

 

[Sbbruin 21865]

He wasn't part of the camp.  The baseball camp was just a small part of what was going on out there.

I am ashamed.

[Brisketexan 105190]

11 minutes ago, F250 said:

1. That is epically fucked up.

2. What was a blind kid doing at a baseball camp?

 

Striking out a lot, I would guess.

[RomaVicta 29957]

This thread is all over the place, but I am so gratified to see the discussion shift to the genesis of the killing impulse/option rather than the means. This aspect is the more important to me and the more difficult to get any sort of handle on.

Do these killers carry seeds that we all do but which lay dormant in nearly all of us? If so, how does it germinate? How is it cultivated by the individual?

How is the growing, virulent weed cultivated by the ocean of stimuli around these killers-to-be? A butterfly in China? Exposure to countless stories in all media about the satisfaction of killing vengeance?

33 minutes ago, Chuckie Finster said:

We like to throw the bullying angle out there because it's much easy to just assume that if tell people to be nice to one another, this problem will go away.  It's much harder to grasp that this issue is more complicated than teens not sitting with the weird kid at lunch. 

Well said, but at least this gets us started to what could be a productive examination. Discussing the means of the killer is worthwhile but hardly the root cause of these terrible mass murders.

[RomaVicta 29957]

17 minutes ago, F250 said:

I went to baseball camp at UC Riverside when I was maybe in 7th or 8th grade.  We were having breakfast in the cafeteria. 

 

18 minutes ago, F250 said:

1. That is epically fucked up.

2. What was a blind kid doing at a baseball camp?

 

I'm glad somebody else thinks feeding the blind in public is unacceptable.

Hell awaits us all.

[irockalltherocks 55]

13 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Striking out a lot, I would guess.

Ouch!

I'm ashamed I laughed at that.

Edited May 21, 2018 by irockalltherocks

[Brian Fantana 6690]

Your teacher should have told you to fuck off and not assigned you a new lab partner. I don't know why he would admonish you and then give you what you wanted.

I never really picked on anyone in high school. I was one of those people that had his foot in every camp. I was a football and baseball player but also was in band and mostly hung out with a group of less popular people and didn't much care of what people thought of me. I mostly actively refused to play the high school game. There was one time, though, I did something real bad and I still feel horrible about it 20 years later. There was this girl who was the quintessential sort of "outsider" girl. Cute, smart, very nice, and everyone thought she was a slut because of rumors I'm sure some idiot started after she rebuffed him and spread like wildfire. I pretty much knew she was nothing of the sort. We were in band together and by happenstance ended up assigned to the same pair of seats on a trip to Washington, DC (on the plane, and on the buses the school had chartered to ferry us around on the trip). We ended up connecting on the trip and spent most of our time together. We spent a wonderful day walking the Smithsonian together. Towards the end of the trip, a big bunch of us students were walking back from watching the changing of the guard at Arlington National Cemetary, and she had worked up the courage to ask me out, basically in front of everyone. In any other setting, I think I would have immediately agreed and that would have been that, but in front of all the other students, because I knew she was not well liked by most of the students, and just to score cheap high school popular guy points (which I had never ever done before), I said in a loud voice: "Bitch you'd be lucky to be seen with me" and walked away like I was some sort of bad ass.

The aftermath is I successfully scored cheap high school popular guy points at the expense of humiliating and breaking this poor, sweet girl's heart in front of a bunch of people. She later negotiated a seat transfer with another student on the bus and later the plane back home, and more than once I caught her looking back at me with a face that really hurts to recall even to this day. I have never in my life (before or since) been so ashamed of myself. We never spoke again and the next year her family moved off who knows where. I hope she found a good life wherever she ended up.

I'd hate to think a stupid impulse decision made by a stupid ass high school kid like myself later helped influence someone to take own life or worse.

Edited May 21, 2018 by Brian Fantana

[Brisketexan 105190]

13 minutes ago, Brian Fantana said:

Your teacher should have told you to fuck off and not assigned you a new lab partner. I don't know why he would admonish you and then give you what you wanted.

I never really picked on anyone in high school. I was one of those people that had his foot in every camp. I was a football and baseball player but also was in band and mostly hung out with a group of less popular people and didn't much care of what people thought of me. I mostly actively refused to play the high school game. There was one time, though, I did something real bad and I still feel horrible about it 20 years later. There was this girl who was the quintessential sort of "outsider" girl. Cute, smart, very nice, and everyone thought she was a slut because of rumors I'm sure some idiot started after she rebuffed him and spread like wildfire. I pretty much knew she was nothing of the sort. We were in band together and by happenstance ended up assigned to the same pair of seats on a trip to Washington, DC (on the plane, and on the buses the school had chartered to ferry us around on the trip). We ended up connecting on the trip and spent most of our time together. We spent a wonderful day walking the Smithsonian together. Towards the end of the trip, a big bunch of us students were walking back from watching the changing of the guard at Arlington National Cemetary, and she had worked up the courage to ask me out, basically in front of everyone. In any other setting, I think I would have immediately agreed and that would have been that, but in front of all the other students, because I knew she was not well liked by most of the students, and just to score cheap high school popular guy points (which I had never ever done before), I said in a loud voice: "Bitch you'd be lucky to be seen with me" and walked away like I was some sort of bad ass.

The aftermath is I successfully scored cheap high school popular guy points at the expense of humiliating and breaking this poor, sweet girl's heart in front of a bunch of people. She later negotiated a seat transfer with another student on the bus and later the plane back home, and more than once I caught her looking back at me with a face that really hurts to recall even to this day. I have never in my life (before or since) been so ashamed of myself. We never spoke again and the next year her family moved off who knows where. I hope she found a good life wherever she ended up.

I'd hate to think a stupid impulse decision made by a stupid ass high school kid like myself later helped influence someone to take own life or worse.

You were a high school student who passed up an opportunity for ass.  You were mean AND stupid.

Edited May 21, 2018 by Brisketexan

[burntorangebongos 10750]

Good story, BF. So you never worked up the courage to apologize to her and explain yourself as a dipshit coward because she asked in public? Well, you missed your chance for personal growth and to ease your shame. You gas lighted her with your genuine kind feelings and then the slap down out of nowhere. If she was smart, she would have figured out her mistake in thinking you weren't a coward about what other people think.

It just goes to show how powerful peer pressure  is at that age since you tried to be conscious of being inclusive most of the time . I had forgotten how much I cared about fitting in at that age and what others thought.

[MAROON 445]

1 hour ago, F250 said:

1. That is epically fucked up.

2. What was a blind kid doing at a baseball camp?

 

probably at Umpire camp

[Brian Fantana 6690]

4 minutes ago, burntorangebongos said:

Good story, BF. So you never worked up the courage to apologize to her and explain yourself as a dipshit coward because she asked in public? Well, you missed your chance for personal growth and to ease your shame. You gas lighted her with your genuine kind feelings and then the slap down out of nowhere. If she was smart, she would have figured out her mistake in thinking you weren't a coward about what other people think.

It just goes to show how powerful peer pressure  is at that age since you tried to be conscious of being inclusive most of the time . I had forgotten how much I cared about fitting in at that age and what others thought.

I still can't figure out why I did it to this day. I never did that kind of shit. For 30 seconds I became "that guy", gave in to perceived peer pressure, and then I was too afraid to apologize to her later. I did try once but she stomped off before I could get the words out and I was too much of a bitch to keep trying so I don't really count it. I have tried to find her on Facebook a few times to no avail. I do hope someday I run into her and can properly apologize.

[Tuco 5077]

I moved around a lot as a kid.  10 different schools k-8th. So, working the way through the social structure at each new school was something I needed to learn quick.  In retrospect, I recognize the pack animal dynamic of schoolyard, and part of the dynamic is to elevate your standing by demonstrating physical superiority over those you could.  (Also, in retrospect, I recognize the need to rise above our animal defaults to form a moral society; I think St. Paul had some good shit to say about that, but I don't recall it too clearly right now.) Early on, I was the bullied.  Later, I bullied at times. 

There was one kid in sixth grade. Call him Stanley.  Not exactly slow, but not exactly right either.  They'd probably say "on the spectrum" now.  I never fought him or anything, but I was cruel to him on occasion. 

Going into high school, I wanted to stop changing schools, and I was able to get into a boarding school.  The idea of knowing the same group of people for four years really appealed to.  There was a bowling night before school started, intended to let freshman start to make friends.  And that's when I met Stanley again.  Mostly grown Stanley, who outweighed me by maybe 50 pounds, and full foot taller.  I suddenly realized the error of ways.  I was staring into the face of a kid who looked he could kick the shit out of me, who had reason to kick the shit out of me,  and I'd be living with him for four years.  Fortunately for me, Stanley had a forgiving heart, and he still wasn't terribly coordinated.  We became friends, and later Facebook friends.  A few years ago he was reposting some stuff on bullying, and talking about some of the pain he felt as kid. I apologize for my part in making his childhood shittier than it should be, which he accepted.      

[Footballpants 121]

Those of you with sons in the cool-kid crowd, need to over-emphasize the need to be kind to nerds, outcasts, and awkwards for three reasons:

1. It's the right thing to do.

2. They don't want to get shot. 

3. And most importantly...ugly ducklings can sometimes grow up to be smoking hotties. If you were mean in high school you aint got a chance, but if on the other hand you were polite and kind, the ugly duckling turned hottie will fuck the bajeezus out of you when you happen to bum p into them later in life. Here's looking at you Shannon P.!

[Hank Scorpio 17729]

15 minutes ago, Footballpants said:

Those of you with sons in the cool-kid crowd, need to over-emphasize the need to be kind to nerds, outcasts, and awkwards for three reasons:

1. It's the right thing to do.

2. They don't want to get shot. 

3. And most importantly...ugly ducklings can sometimes grow up to be smoking hotties. If you were mean in high school you aint got a chance, but if on the other hand you were polite and kind, the ugly duckling turned hottie will fuck the bajeezus out of you when you happen to bum p into them later in life. Here's looking at you Shannon P.!

Son, it's time you learn an important lesson. Don't pick on the nerds in your class because for starters, they will eventually murder you. And don't forget that you might be gay and want to fuck the nerds, assuming the nerds become hot and also gay. Anyways, the judge says you have to live with your mom now.