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Posted
9 hours ago, Ben Tobin said:

Think about a really pissed off 40 lb dog. Now imagine that dog climbing up and riding you while he chews through your neck

They are dangerous and cannot be messed with. They are 5-10 times the weight of a cat and probably 10 times more lethal. And they operate in groups.

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

But seriously?  I just did not have roving Monkey street gangs in India on my Bingo Card. 

Roving monkey street gangs are extremely common in India. Even 40 years back when I was a kid, these monkeys would organize as a group (10-20) and drop into my grandparents' backyard where the kitchen is. All the people immediately vacate that area as some of the monkeys raid the kitchen while the other monkeys stand guard. The whole operation was very efficient, and they are gone in 2 minutes. 

1.jpg

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Posted (edited)

Sounds like South Asians need to start packing heat.  If the monkeys truly learn, their  dead bodies will be a lesson.

You ain't just waltzin in here and taking my brisket...

Edited by slorch
Posted (edited)
18 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


Of course just stand there laughing and filming instead of helping the fucking guy

No need for that monkey to kick two dudes' asses.

Edited by Scheiss Meister
Damn apostrophes.
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Posted
13 hours ago, Bender Bending Rodriguez said:

Just to be clear, these monkeys aren’t  avenging the death of Michael Nesmith, right?

Well the lyric that might be applicable here is....then I saw its face now .....I'm a believer... I'm a believer...

Posted
44 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


Of course just stand there laughing and filming instead of helping the fucking guy

Well, dude kinda provoked it.  Not going to lie, if there’s a little monkey putting an asswhipping on one of my buddies, I’m probably going to take a moment and enjoy it. I’d kick it if it started face removing and whatnot. 

Posted
10 minutes ago, fattyflattie said:

Well, dude kinda provoked it.  Not going to lie, if there’s a little monkey putting an asswhipping on one of my buddies, I’m probably going to take a moment and enjoy it. I’d kick it if it started face removing and whatnot. 

Damn, you'd be walking away from mucho streaming revenue.... just saying.

Posted
21 minutes ago, Bill Brasky said:

drop me off there with my 12 gauge and a shitload of buckshot

That would conclude with you standing there with no pants and a gang of monkeys in possession of a 12 gauge.  

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Posted
1 hour ago, Bobby_Batronic said:

I’ve got an idea about handling the feral pig population in Texas….

Monkeys are kosher, you anti-primate bastard!

Posted
1 hour ago, honolulu horn said:

Was with the fam in South Africa and the kids begged to go to Monkey Jungle, an enclosed park where you wander around and check out lemurs, monkeys, etc. We knew to keep our stuff close and so we kept tight grips on backpacks, cameras, phones, etc. We were nearing the end of the walk when this sneaky little bastard starting eyeing us:

monkey.jpg.01e567be52fd7c71c095ae2ca7177175.jpg

In less than 2 seconds that little spider monkey  jumped onto my wife, ripped the glasses from her face, and tore off up a tree. My wife is basically blind without her glasses, and we were leaving the country in 2 days so there was not enough time to get a replacement pair. I kept my eye on the little thief, which included him trying the glasses on and looking through them. After a few minutes of biting them, hitting them on the tree, etc he got bored and threw them on the ground from about 30 feet up. I snatched them up and miraculously they weren't broken. So my wife now wears glasses with monkey bites on the frames. Telephoto pic of the primate thief wearing her glasses: 

526901613_monkeyglasses.jpg.b531a4408ed17f2db732163f293af045.jpg

 

You want, I got a cousin who is an optometrist.  I got another one who does wet work in zoology.  I could get a bonobo to make an example of that monkey in a painful and public fashion.    And then a backup pair of travel eye glasses for your wife.  All-in, turnkey.   $3700

Posted
6 hours ago, Bobby_Batronic said:

I’ve got an idea about handling the feral pig population in Texas….

and if they kill a man for trying to fuck em, we can start in Brazos County...

Posted

 

7 hours ago, tbone_ said:


Of course just stand there laughing and filming instead of helping the fucking guy

No idea what language that was but I know his buddy filming was taunting him and calling him a pussy to egg him into the confrontation with the monkey

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Posted (edited)
14 hours ago, slorch said:

and if they kill a man for trying to fuck em, we can start in Brazos County...

I dunno, the offender might just show them a picture of the list eater and have the monkeys understand the natural o predicament male residents of Brazos county are in. Shit, in that context I almost understand the sheep shenanigans. 

Edited by Bobby_Batronic
Posted
15 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Drinking habits of monkeys.....

ila

They are like us. Similar breakdown of teetotalers, occasional drinkers, daily drinkers, and complete lushes. Unlike us, the lushes tend to be atop the social structure. 

The drunk monkeys is a good band name 

Posted
On 12/17/2021 at 11:48 PM, AeroHorn said:

They are dangerous and cannot be messed with. They are 5-10 times the weight of a cat and probably 10 times more lethal. And they operate in groups.

Roving monkey street gangs are extremely common in India. Even 40 years back when I was a kid, these monkeys would organize as a group (10-20) and drop into my grandparents' backyard where the kitchen is. All the people immediately vacate that area as some of the monkeys raid the kitchen while the other monkeys stand guard. The whole operation was very efficient, and they are gone in 2 minutes. 

1.jpg

So....what came first? The monkey or the gypsy at the ER?

Posted
On 12/17/2021 at 11:48 PM, AeroHorn said:

They are dangerous and cannot be messed with. They are 5-10 times the weight of a cat and probably 10 times more lethal. And they operate in groups.

Roving monkey street gangs are extremely common in India. Even 40 years back when I was a kid, these monkeys would organize as a group (10-20) and drop into my grandparents' backyard where the kitchen is. All the people immediately vacate that area as some of the monkeys raid the kitchen while the other monkeys stand guard. The whole operation was very efficient, and they are gone in 2 minutes. 

1.jpg

They moved to SF & LA and upgraded to Gucci stores?

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Posted

I tried to find a free clip, but one does not exist of Thomas Lennon and Michael Ian Black broadcasting their talk show about "Monkey Torture" from 'The State'

Posted
On 12/17/2021 at 11:48 PM, AeroHorn said:

They are dangerous and cannot be messed with. They are 5-10 times the weight of a cat and probably 10 times more lethal. And they operate in groups.

Roving monkey street gangs are extremely common in India. Even 40 years back when I was a kid, these monkeys would organize as a group (10-20) and drop into my grandparents' backyard where the kitchen is. All the people immediately vacate that area as some of the monkeys raid the kitchen while the other monkeys stand guard. The whole operation was very efficient, and they are gone in 2 minutes. 

1.jpg

i keep rereading this and picturing it and lmao 😄 

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