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Shart 2022: Lil' Deuce Deuce

Prepuce of Doom

By Prepuce of Doom
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MaybeACoordinator

MaybeACoordinator 8,349

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Is there a ruling on a shart that through the Lord's mercy takes place on the toilet? Took a solid shit the other day and kind of lingered, making sure I also cleared my bladder, felt a harmless seeming fart come along, and down came the brown rains.....This would have been a furniture ruiner, but on the other hand maybe I would have been more cautious if I was out in the wild. I'll never know, but I am grateful.

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21,074

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Checking in by proxy for the Doomlet, who had a shart yesterday that didn't stain his underwear, and then another one this afternoon that did. Luckily both occurred at home, not at school. 

He's been describing the phenomenon by announcing that "my past is catching up with me." 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25,960

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So I'm alone tonight.  The GF is visiting her mother.  

I'm not sure why, but whatever I ate is churning.  

 

Fuck it.  I'm going all in.  I will defiantly fart all night.  I'm giving the finger to the Gods.  "Fuck you Russian Battleship", except with my undies.  

I'll report back tomorrow morning.   Let's do this!

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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25,960

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So I'm alone tonight.  The GF is visiting her mother.  
I'm not sure why, but whatever I ate is churning.  
 
Fuck it.  I'm going all in.  I will defiantly fart all night.  I'm giving the finger to the Gods.  "Fuck you Russian Battleship", except with my undies.  

I'll report back tomorrow morning.   Let's do this!

Glorious night. Blasted like a Puerto Rican at a soccer game with one of those plastic horns. Undies intact.
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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25,960

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On 3/21/2022 at 9:59 AM, Sandman said:

I'm working from home this week and my coworker just texted this to me: "Just went in the bathroom and the mailman had his pants down, washing his ass in the sink"

So go ahead and put that mailman on the board.

Is his name Ronnie? 

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nnm

nnm 36,414

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giphy.gif
 

I knew the Senegalese box lunch sketchy beef and sausage in cream pepper sauce was a bad idea. Everyone else was eating it, so I thought I might be ok. Nope. Stood up to pee this morning and let the evening pressure out, and it was over. 

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wd40

wd40 1,976

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wd40 has joined the chat.

I work from home.  my workspace is a recliner in the corner of the living room, at the base of the stairs up to the master bedroom.  

was  waiting for the system to finish running something and didn't want to get on some other task and fuck both up, so I leaned over and poked around on the ipad for a bit.  in this tilted position, I faced the point of decision:  should I push a bad position or...?

Spoiler

image.gif.998e2fd7fc3b423c6feec99445ff312d.gif

I jumped up  and moved quickly but carefully up the stairs, with The Right Stuff running down my legs.  stepped straight into the shower, rinsed myself, my shorts, and waffle-stomped the evidence.

fortunately:  a) I had a load of laundry about ready to go, anyway  b)  I didn't get any on the recliner c)  my daughter wasn't awake yet when it all went down.

unfortunately:  when I came downstairs, I saw there was about a 3in puddle of chunky soup on the floor, just in front of said recliner.  

image.jpeg.5d891dc3b6abb6a82b57d26860103d2a.jpeg

I got it cleaned up just before daughter came into the room.

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'stache

'stache 21,816

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No shart, but adjacent topic. I took a hefty shit this morning and since then have wiped at least 75 times throughout the day and the paper is still brown. No matter how much I wipe, still brown. Nothing on the boxers yet that I can tell, but damn. And yes, I know of the bidet thread, but I'm not sure it would help here. I'm dealing with something quite a bit more sinister.

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huge

huge 3,793

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41 minutes ago, 'stache said:

No shart, but adjacent topic. I took a hefty shit this morning and since then have wiped at least 75 times throughout the day and the paper is still brown. No matter how much I wipe, still brown. Nothing on the boxers yet that I can tell, but damn. And yes, I know of the bidet thread, but I'm not sure it would help here. I'm dealing with something quite a bit more sinister.

Buy some dude wipes and mix in a salad.

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Marfa Low Crown

Marfa Low Crown 2,546

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54 minutes ago, 'stache said:

No shart, but adjacent topic. I took a hefty shit this morning and since then have wiped at least 75 times throughout the day and the paper is still brown. No matter how much I wipe, still brown. Nothing on the boxers yet that I can tell, but damn. And yes, I know of the bidet thread, but I'm not sure it would help here. I'm dealing with something quite a bit more sinister.

9E352DC8-2EF4-4014-95CE-EDD21B46B079.gif.140fb53d3ce397dca6cd083f3cfc5128.gif

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Kavinsky

Kavinsky 417

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I bent over to pick up my phone charger and fired off what I had expected to be your typucal post Sunday dinner assbiscuit. Without any warning or provocation, a brown bank bag went off in my drawers.

My wife entered the bedroom as I was cowboy walking to the shitter and after 11 years of marriage and 2 kids she's grown desensitized to my farts but this foul miasma caused her to let out a "WHAT THE FUCK!?" 

Next time I order pad thai, I'll avoid "thai hot"

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2,293

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Last week I was in Silver City, NM on business.  Decided to drive to White Sands National Park on Sunday to do some hiking.  It is about a 2-1/2 hour or so drive.

Got up early Sunday and had a bit of breakfast. Before I left on the drive I took care of business.  I had no problem whatsoever until I am about 5 minutes from the Park.  As I am pulling into the parking lot at the visitor's center I am starting to crown.  By the time I get into the bathroom I have a slight breach.  Finally get on the toilet and my insides come out. Cleaned up the best that I could and went into the gift shop to have a look around. About 30 minutes later I am at the trailhead to Alkali Flat Trail.  It is a 5 mile loop trail through the dunes.  As I am about to head off I have another rumbling in my stomach. Fortunately there is a restroom at the trailhead so I spend another few minutes in there letting out what is left of nothing in my system.

Surely there is nothing left and I have come too far to abort the mission now.  Besides, my stomach does not hurt at all.

I finally get onto the trail and I am about 2 miles in when it hits again. So I turn around and clinch my butt and hike back out and drive back to the visitor's center to leave one last present before aborting the mission of hiking Alkali Flat Trail and brokenly drive back to Silver City.  As I am leaving the toilet at the park I heavily line my now stained underwear with about 20 feet of toilet paper.  By the time that I reach Las Cruces the urge has hit again. I find the first toilet that I can at a crowded convenience store.  The bathroom is a one-holer and there is not lock on the door to keep people from walking in on me.  I make an executive decision to drive to another store nearby. I make it OK bouyed by the extra toilet paper stuffed in my underwear. I leave Las Cruces and make it to the Loves Truckstop just west of town.

I pull into Loves and rush to the toilet. Get in there and realize that there is no toilet paper. Step back out of the stall and grab a roll of the rough brown paper from the hand dry dispenser.  Too bad if the toilet gets stopped up with the heavy paper.  They should have the real paper available.  I finish what is left of my business, stuff my shorts with a ton of brown paper to the point that it looks like I am wearing a diaper and fortunately make it all the way back to Silver City.

The underwear and the remaining paper end up in the trash nicely sealed up in a plastic bag.

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Not that Bob

Not that Bob 738

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On 8/21/2022 at 9:35 PM, Hate said:

At this point, I rarely trust a fart.

You see, sir, you have been terribly misled. “Rarely” is not a viable alternative. “Never” is the only studied and correct response. You may add “Ever” for emphasis if you want to really hammer home your point. As in “Never. Ever. trust a fart”. I believe this philosophy will serve you well. 

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