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Vasectomy

Biff Tannen

By Biff Tannen
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BigDHornfan

BigDHornfan 6625

Posted
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Consultation set for 10/9.  My wife is on blood thinners now for a clotting disorder and can't have anymore kids and we had a scare this past week.  Big enough to finally make me go.  

Seeing my wife become a sobbing inconsolable mess over the possibility of ending a pregnancy was terrible.  I have been 100% selfish in putting this off. 

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Armybrat
Armybrat

Mine was done by a blacksmith. I think he used a grappling hook and a knife heated in the coals.

SmokeyTheBear
SmokeyTheBear

Opted for the upgrade package. Kudos to you. 

Biff Tannen
Biff Tannen

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Jhawk

Jhawk 1075

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 9/25/2018 at 2:51 PM, Quagmire said:

It would be cool to get it done and not tell a wife that wants to have kids then reap the benefits of sex

Funny you should mention that.... the ex and I were thinking about me getting the chop before our breakup. I have a consultation scheduled for 10/5 with a potential snip 2 weeks after when I get back from west palm/Bahamas. 

Did a ton of research and the success rate of a reversal less than 10 years out is actually pretty great. Cost $300-500 a year to freeze some seed if I want to do that as well. I’ve been blasting loads in a chick for about a week and that’s a bad idea. I’m going to go ahead and get chopped and just try and hide it. I know she wants kids in the next several years so hopefully she’ll find out in about a month when I’m drunk and let it slip and then the “relationship” just takes a natural course toward ending. 

Edited by Jhawk
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4th&Five

4th&Five 41909

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On 9/24/2018 at 1:42 PM, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

So what's the recovery time here on working out?  Not in the grexual nature.  

Was contemplating signing up for a Spartan Race about 3 weeks post procedure.  

 

you'll be fine.  no heavy lifting for a week or so but i was running on a treadmill 5 days after.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Red Six

Red Six 131

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Got it done on Friday. I figured I always get kicked in the nuts watching the Texas-OU game anyhow, so why not?

They gave me a Valium beforehand. Melted away enough inhibitions/anxiety for me to drop my drawers as soon as the nurse asked me to. Doctor came in, used some needleless anesthesia injector, and went to work. A couple of Duran Duran and Depeche Mode songs later (apparently he really likes 80s music), all done. Kids brought me a card and "get well soon" balloon, and the doctor gave me an ice pack to slip in my pants. #winning.

Recovery wasn't bad at all. I sat in bed or on the couch for most of the weekend, icing my crotch and popping Tramadol. Pain wasn't too bad. Basically, it felt like you would think it would feel like if someone severs a sensitive part of your body.

By yesterday, I was feeling good. So good that I swapped out the headlamps on my wife's car. Then did some dishes. Then gave the kids a bath. This included lifting the younger one in and out of the tub.

Yeah, don't do that.

I texted my wife at her happy hour and I was like, "I think one of my balls is swelling up." By the time she got home, the kids were running roughshod over the living room and I was in bed with an ice pack in my pants and my bottle of Tramadol in reach. I basically didn't move from there until I woke up. After walking to and from the bathroom, I fell back into the bed with excruciating nut pain. I have taken a few memorable 'nad shots in my life -- baseball, a girl punching me, my toddler daughter kicking her legs at church during communion, causing me to collapse in a heap at the altar -- and this was as bad as any one of them.

So now I'm at work, canceling tomorrow's appointments, and keeping my meds close at hand (the doctor was nice enough to give me 40 Tramadol). The moral of the story: The procedure itself isn't bad, and recovery isn't bad either, until you push yourself too hard and too fast. Then you'll be lying in bed biting a pillow but utionalizing your decision when your kids are in the next room being assholes to each other.

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Red Six

Red Six 131

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35 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

Wait Red, you got your balls cut and had to do chores that weekend and watch the kids while your wife went to happy hour. Man I milked that shit for the entire weekend. 

I was left alone Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and most of Monday.

I got ditched for HH yesterday (Tuesday). The chores were my decision. A very, very bad decision.

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midtown

midtown 3350

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Posted (edited)
On 10/10/2018 at 7:26 PM, BigDHornfan said:

Sending the wife and boy to spend the weekend with her Mom the day after.

I would have just sent the boy and kept someone around to answer the bell when you need more bourbon or wings.  This might the only time in your life when you have doctors orders to do nothing and have someone bring you shit

Edited by midtown
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Francisco 2.0

Francisco 2.0 32545

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It's been 6 years for me.

I scheduled the snipping the week after our daughter was born; if the missus was gonna have some downtime, I might as well have it run at the same time.

The day of the procedure, my wife went in the room with me.  She watched the entire procedure while the doc did play-by-play.  Other than the discomfort that they had described I would feel during the procedure, the only thing that was semi-alarming was the smoke and smell from the cauterization.  

 

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Gene Parmesan

Gene Parmesan 4062

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6 minutes ago, johnny utah said:

Welp, just got back from the Dr.s office.  Nothing too bad but it does feel like the balls,have been violated.  Got the peas on, popped my first pain pill and have Band of Brothers fires up and ready to go.  Tomorrows plan is to watch football all day long.

Don't skimp on the alcohol just because of the pain pills.  That's just an old wives tale.

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VolenteHawk

VolenteHawk 495

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6 hours ago, irishtexan said:

I go in with dr. Shah tomorrow. Got my Xanax. When do I take it? How long before I can bone again?

Doesn’t matter much...30 minutes before or when you park. He didn’t give you much. You can bone again by Sunday, but you’ll obviously still be firing live rounds. Shah will give (recommend?) a home test kit and give you an ice pack thingy, and you’re done.

You picked a shit sports weekend for laying around doing nothing unless you’re just really into the Big 12-SEC challenge.

 

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Reagan1k

Reagan1k 3042

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My doc recommended 2 negative tests - one at 3 weeks and one at 4 weeks.

Said I could speed up the process with a lot of protected sex or beating off, and risk it at 2 weeks but he didn't advise it.

Your mileage may vary.  I was ready to roll (covered) in 3-4 days.

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Red Six

Red Six 131

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On 1/24/2019 at 7:09 AM, VolenteHawk said:

Doesn’t matter much...30 minutes before or when you park. He didn’t give you much. You can bone again by Sunday, but you’ll obviously still be firing live rounds. Shah will give (recommend?) a home test kit and give you an ice pack thingy, and you’re done.

You picked a shit sports weekend for laying around doing nothing unless you’re just really into the Big 12-SEC challenge.

 

A friend had his vasectomy on a Tuesday during a dead sports week.

It's clear at this point that his wife's a beard. We're not sure if she knows yet.

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4th&Five

4th&Five 41909

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20 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

My doc recommended 2 negative tests - one at 3 weeks and one at 4 weeks.

Said I could speed up the process with a lot of protected sex or beating off, and risk it at 2 weeks but he didn't advise it.

Your mileage may vary.  I was ready to roll (covered) in 3-4 days.

Seems quick. Mine were at 60 and 90 days and he said to nut at least 45 times. I was negative at 60. 

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4th&Five

4th&Five 41909

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1 hour ago, Gene Parmesan said:

What's the point of two negative tests?  Just because the labs are fuck heads or is there some medical reason that you can nut blanks the first time but still have a loaded bullet in the next chamber?

They’re home tests but I’m not sure why they have you do multiple. I wasn’t going to risk it though. 

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dingleberryswitzer

dingleberryswitzer 2724

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4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

At least that's what you told your wife, right

 

6 hours ago, 4th&Five said:

Seems quick. Mine were at 60 and 90 days and he said to nut at least 45 times. I was negative at 60. 

Yea, I think  you heard that wrong, 4 to 5 times is about right.   Not that Nutting is ever wrong.

 

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4th&Five

4th&Five 41909

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Ha. Google it. There’s a time thing too. It takes a couple months at least  

After you heal from your vasectomy, you will be able to have sex and ejaculate, but your procedure will not immediately provide pregnancy protection. The first 15 to 20 ejaculations you have after your vasectomy will still contain active sperm. It can take between eight and 16 weeks for you to become sterile.

You won’t be sterile immediately. For many men, sperm is still present for a few months afterward. You’ll need to ejaculate 20 times or more before your semen is free of sperm. 

Your doctor will analyze your semen six to twelve weeks after your vasectomy. This exam measures the amount of sperm left in your semen. If your semen is already free of sperm, your doctor will let you know.

Edited by 4th&Five
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Francisco 2.0

Francisco 2.0 32545

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On 1/24/2019 at 12:22 AM, irishtexan said:

I go in with dr. Shah tomorrow. Got my Xanax. When do I take it? How long before I can bone again?

I took the Xanax a hour or so before the appointment.  I had to jerk into a cup and take it in after one month, then a follow up at 2 months to make sure the coast was all clear.  Not sure if I said it in this thread, but I scheduled mine the week after the birth of our girl.  I figured if the wife was out of commission for a month or so, I might as well be too.  Plus, didn't give her a chance to change her mind and try for a third.

I commented upthread about the actual procedure; but to those saying take it easy, even if you feel like walking, standing around, whatnot...don't.  After mine was done, wife and I went back to the house to see my parents (who had come up to watch kids).  I then got into the truck with my mom and dad and took them to the house we were looking at, along with a tour of the inside, the yard, etc.  Probably spent an hour there....then went and picked up lunch for everyone.  By now, it was close to 1 and it started feeling uncomfortable downstairs.

Made it home, and my balls had swollen up...not something outrageous like orange sized or whatnot, but they were noticeably larger than normal.  I took some pain meds and promptly hit the couch for the rest of the evening.

 

 

Edited by Francisco 2.0
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irishtexan

irishtexan 11692

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Checking back in dudes. Procedure was fine. The first ball kinda hurt and Dr. Shah noticed. Said he was looking at my beard and pubes and noticed that I had reddish/Auburn hair and that we are a little more sensitive to pain. So he loaded me up a little more for nut #2 and it was all good. Yesterday I felt pretty sore and just laid around all evening. had a few bourbons which helped. Today I felt pretty good. A little tender but no big deal. Should be back up and completely mobile tomorrow. Not going to rough house with the kids or anything. Probably meet up with some buddies tomorrow night for beers. Overall feel pretty good. Told the wife I need 40 blow jobs starting on Sunday. What do you think the chances of that happening are?

 

Oh yeah. The test kits are now like pregnancy tests. At home. I guess I just have to blow a load on the kit. That should be interesting.

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irishtexan

irishtexan 11692

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Posted
7 hours ago, shnsajax said:

Watch out for day 3 thinking you are good. It only takes one little move/quick shift to realize you made a big mistake. Then again my balls swelled up like charcoal briquettes after a couple of days.

I'm not planning on riding a bike or anything. I just plan on doing more than laying around on the couch all day.

 

3 hours ago, Gucci_Suit said:

This has probably been covered in the thread already, but how much does this cost? Less than another kid I guess. Those bastards at bcbs reject most things like they’re Dikembe Mutombo. 

Sorry for my laziness. I’ll hang up and listen. 

My old insurance didn't cover anything, and it would have been about $1000. My current insurance covered some of it. Paid like $625. Less than a month of daycare. 

1 hour ago, texashorne said:

I spent the first day iceing with frozen peas. Then, I put the peas back in the freezer to eat later.. wife saw and was disgusted. 

Same

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