Shit you've heard in the workplace

[F250 28710]

I spent some time working in vanilla corporate infosec and came across the craziest shit.

The funniest thing that I ever came across was an ongoing cyber sex relationship between some chick in claims and some dude who was her counterpart in a regional office out of state. These two were talking about fucking all day long and then she would send him tons of fingering pictures but really close up.

After sometime this dude was requesting body shots but she said she was too shy. In the middle of all these messages she was telling her co-worker "These diet pills aren't doing a damn thing, I'm still stuck at 225 pounds."

I believe that was the reason she only sent vajayjay close ups to the dude.

 

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

On the first project I was on in this industry, one of the admins was a early 40s platinum blonde. I am not sure how long she had been in O&G, but years before had been a waitress at a strip joint (allegedly just a waitress). Anyways, she took a real liking to me (I was dating and soon to be engaged to my wife). She sat outside one of the PM’s offices and I would stop by occasionally (or when I need some info from the PM). One day she calls me over to show me something in her computer, her work computer. I walk around the desk and she is logged into her yahoo email account and opens a picture of her, topless at her boyfriend’s deer lease. She just wanted to show me her twins on the company computer.

She may or may not have sent a pic of her cooter to me one time. But we are in the wrong forum for that.

Around that same time I had to interface with one of the accountants assigned to the project. For some reason he thought I was his best friend an needed to hear all his personal life drama. He was married but his wife seemed to despise him and he just knew she was cheating. One day while at my desk he comes by and tells me he had followed his wife one night and she met a man at a restaurant. They get a divorce. Some months later he was let go from the company. The accounting department was mostly women and they didn’t appreciate him shopping for a Russian bride on the company computer/company time and ratted him out.

[F250 28710]

3 hours ago, Patricio Swayze said:

For some reason he thought I was his best friend an needed to hear all his personal life drama. He was married but his wife seemed to despise him and he just knew she was cheating. One day while at my desk he comes by and tells me he had followed his wife one night and she met a man at a restaurant. They get a divorce.

I knew someone like that too. This guy was always telling me about how much his wife despised him and the crap she would do. For the most part I just ignored him and would pretend to listen because IDGAF.

One day he starts asking if I knew how to exploit a Windows SAM database to dump the password hashes. Me, yeah easy as fuck, do XYZ. He asks what if the OS is encrypted, me do XYZ. Him "How do I avoid modifying the system". Me, don't just create a bit image with DD and play the copied image on a virtual machine.

Over the next several days he keeps asking questions what I taught him and that he was practicing at home. He apparently figured out how to do it because he looked like this when he explained what happened. And he seriously looked like this.

 

Dude broke down, started telling me he broke into his wife's computer and found evidence of an affair. Pics of her getting banged, emails of her reminiscing of all the dirty shit she did with her lover, just fucked up shit. The situation was so cringe I asked him to spare me the details but he wouldn't.

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21783]

Go on

[TrashMaster G 17395]

cringe - v, t  What I do when people use cringe as an adjective

Edited January 25, 2022 by TrashMaster G

[fattyflattie 4636]

On 1/13/2022 at 10:23 AM, TrashMaster G said:

I wonder what would happen if somebody yelled at me and cussed me out in front of co-workers.  I'm not violent or a tough guy by any stretch, but I know I wouldn't NOT respond in the moment.  I don't care if it was the fucking CEO.  You don't do that shit.  My response wouldn't be confrontational, but it would be immediate and it would be public, probably starting with some version of "Who do you think you are speaking to me that way?"

People who do shit like that need to be called out on it.

I've worked under some salty ass captains.  This was routine.  It all gets worked out, and tbh most of those guys didn't know any better.  And they were softies compared to who they grew under.  

[statsman 5428]

We were designing fighter plane wing ribs. The wing holds fuel, so the rib webs need big holes so fuel can flow through them. It was early in the design process, so we just notionally picked holes that were 3 inches squared in area. The female contract engineer I gave the assignment to asked me how she should draw them,…what radius the circles should be. It took a while for me to get that she was actually unaware of the formula for area of a circle. 
“Well, you take 3, divide by pi, and then take the square root of that. That’s your radius”. 
“if your theory is correct…”

”It’s not a theory, and I assure you it is correct”. 
After that, I called her Geometry Girl. 
(It turned out that her degree was not in any kind of engineering design, but was interior design from KSU). 

Edited January 26, 2022 by statsman

[TwiceHorn 31311]

35 minutes ago, statsman said:

We were designing fighter plane wing ribs. The wing holds fuel, so the rib webs need big holes so fuel can flow through them. It was early in the design process, so we just notionally picked holes that were 3 inches squared in area. The female contract engineer I gave the assignment to asked me how she should draw them,…what radius the circles should be. It took a while for me to get that she was actually unaware of the formula for area of a circle. 
“Well, you take 3, divide by pi, and then take the square root of that. That’s your radius”. 
“if your theory is correct…”

”It’s not a theory, and I assure you it is correct”. 
After that, I called her Geometry Girl. 
(It turned out that her degree was not in any kind of engineering design, but was interior design from KSU). 

I guess in some interior design programs, they teach drafting/CAD, but probably more of an architectural nature, which is probably how she got the job.  Still, a high school graduate should know that.  Christ.

I did summers at TI in little divisions that were working on experimental projects.  In both cases, we had "rapid reaction" small-batch machine shops to cut parts for the projects without having to go through a big manufacturing rigmarole.

One time, my cubicle mate, who was a degreed ME, needed a spacer for something that was designed off a hair.  So, he grabbed some graph paper and sketched out and dimensioned this spacer, that was basically a washer.  The ID and OD were "critical" apparently, and he also forgot to specify the thickness.  He dropped of his sketch in the machine shop.  A couple hours later, he had the sketch on his desk with a pile of metal chips sitting on it.  And a note from the shop foreman that the job was finished, but he forgot to specify a thickness.

[nnm 36140]

15 hours ago, statsman said:

We were designing fighter plane wing ribs. The wing holds fuel, so the rib webs need big holes so fuel can flow through them. It was early in the design process, so we just notionally picked holes that were 3 inches squared in area. The female contract engineer I gave the assignment to asked me how she should draw them,…what radius the circles should be. It took a while for me to get that she was actually unaware of the formula for area of a circle. 
“Well, you take 3, divide by pi, and then take the square root of that. That’s your radius”. 
“if your theory is correct…”

”It’s not a theory, and I assure you it is correct”. 
After that, I called her Geometry Girl. 
(It turned out that her degree was not in any kind of engineering design, but was interior design from KSU). 

What was that woman doing in the workforce? Isn’t interior design an MRS degree track?

[NeverMarryAStripper 21783]

I'm sure our fighter pilots would be excited to know that their planes were designed by women with interior design degrees.  I bet the cockpit interior was lovely.

[shakahorn 1630]

20 hours ago, statsman said:

We were designing fighter plane wing ribs. The wing holds fuel, so the rib webs need big holes so fuel can flow through them. It was early in the design process, so we just notionally picked holes that were 3 inches squared in area. The female contract engineer I gave the assignment to asked me how she should draw them,…what radius the circles should be. It took a while for me to get that she was actually unaware of the formula for area of a circle. 
“Well, you take 3, divide by pi, and then take the square root of that. That’s your radius”. 
“if your theory is correct…”

”It’s not a theory, and I assure you it is correct”. 
After that, I called her Geometry Girl. 
(It turned out that her degree was not in any kind of engineering design, but was interior design from KSU). 

She must have been home schooled.  Everyone who learned this in a classroom had to have at least one clown who thought he was being original with the 'pie aren't square, they're round' joke.

[cam4mav 770]

On 1/11/2022 at 1:41 PM, Gunsup said:

I saw the title of the thread and thought Dirtbike was back.  Damn.

needs way more love