Longboard Horn's Thread for Restaurant Employee Hilarity

[DoobieWah 1437]

Placeholder for these stories.

On 5/21/2018 at 11:10 PM, Longboard Horn said:

Fuck pappadeaux. The stories I have about working there..... fuck them forever.

And any others. Let's hear 'em.

[Longboard Horn 40324]

Someone made a thread about me?.... I’m honored! Lol 

Restaurant lulz to come

[Longboard Horn 40324]

Latest gem: this past weekend a couple each ordered a martini dry, and Up.  I bring the martinis to them and one of them asks “hey why isn’t filled all the way up?“ I respond with “that’s not what up means.”

[Longboard Horn 40324]

Here's one I shared on shaggy back in February so I figured it might get some laughs over here as well:

*Note this is where I currently work, it's not at Pappadeaux.

So yesterday an old couple comes into the restaurant and I wait on them. They sit at lucky number table 13 and I give them excellent service. After they finished, they left satisfied with their service and meal. Anyways, about 10 minutes later the bar tenders ask me if I was serving the people at table 13 because the older man was on the phone asking if he left his blue jacket there. I tell the manager and he says "that guy was wearing his blue jacket when he left." My response, "I thought so. He was wearing it during his meal as well." Poor guy, he forgot he was wearing his jacket the entire time and thought he had lost it.

[Longboard Horn 40324]

@DoobieWah here's my Pappadeaux story. This sums up everything. I shared this on shaggy back in the day so I'll share it with you.

 I worked at Pappadeaux when I was in college and our clientele was the worst. The term "canadians" is used to point out difficult customers regardless of race. Most people do not tip, or would only leave maybe 10% if that. *Note: the lunch shifts during the week were fine because it was mostly corporate businessmen and they were always nice and polite. Plus, they tipped well. 

Why I hated working there: If you've ever been to Pappadeaux on a Saturday night, then you already know how loud it is and how much of a mad house it is, try working a shift. I only picked up Saturday shifts if I absolutely needed to (otherwise I had Saturday nights off, not missing Texas games) and most of the customers were absolute assholes. Me and my fellow co-servers were treated like shit by them most of the time. My roommate, who also worked there, called our store "Poserdeaux" because of all the "posers" coming in. We could tell who was a poser because of the reactions on their faces when they looked at the prices on the menu and deep down knew they couldn't afford it. What every server hated the most was the people who couldn't afford our food that would modify the fuck out of their order, making sure that something would be made wrong so it would be comped. If you ever explained to any customers who did that that you wrote down the exact way they wanted it, they would throw a fit until a manager comped it, or would give them something free.

True story: one Friday night at work a man and his family come in. I greet them, deliver their drinks and he tells me that he wanted the appetizer trio off the menu which came with fried alligator, fried calamari, and something else, don't really care. Anyway, while ordering he tells me, "I don't want the gator. Instead could I have extra fried calamari?" As a good server, I let him know that yes he could substitute that and I take the rest of his order. Long story short, when his family is ALMOST DONE WITH THEIR MEAL AND AFTER THEY HAVE FINISHED THEIR APPETIZER, he says, "hey man, I didn't get any fried gator with my appetizer trio." I told him that he said he didn't want gator and had me substitute extra fried calamari. I show him his order ticket that he said no gator, extra calamari. He then throws a fit and starts acting like a fucking 5 year old in front of his wife and kids. I let him know that a manager would come speak with him. I tell the manager about the situation and how much of a fuss this guy was making. My manager goes over to the table, talks with him, then comes back to me and says, "you were right, that guy is a fucking asshole! But, just to shut him up and get him out of here I'm giving him a free dessert."

I eventually quit serving tables there and got a new job.

[woohorn 1131]

No offense, but...

how much shit did ya spit in for the assholes?

[wood 11225]

37 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said:

@DoobieWah here's my Pappadeaux story. This sums up everything. I shared this on shaggy back in the day so I'll share it with you.

 I worked at Pappadeaux when I was in college and our clientele was the worst. The term "canadians" is used to point out difficult customers regardless of race. Most people do not tip, or would only leave maybe 10% if that. *Note: the lunch shifts during the week were fine because it was mostly corporate businessmen and they were always nice and polite. Plus, they tipped well. 

Why I hated working there: If you've ever been to Pappadeaux on a Saturday night, then you already know how loud it is and how much of a mad house it is, try working a shift. I only picked up Saturday shifts if I absolutely needed to (otherwise I had Saturday nights off, not missing Texas games) and most of the customers were absolute assholes. Me and my fellow co-servers were treated like shit by them most of the time. My roommate, who also worked there, called our store "Poserdeaux" because of all the "posers" coming in. We could tell who was a poser because of the reactions on their faces when they looked at the prices on the menu and deep down knew they couldn't afford it. What every server hated the most was the people who couldn't afford our food that would modify the fuck out of their order, making sure that something would be made wrong so it would be comped. If you ever explained to any customers who did that that you wrote down the exact way they wanted it, they would throw a fit until a manager comped it, or would give them something free.

True story: one Friday night at work a man and his family come in. I greet them, deliver their drinks and he tells me that he wanted the appetizer trio off the menu which came with fried alligator, fried calamari, and something else, don't really care. Anyway, while ordering he tells me, "I don't want the gator. Instead could I have extra fried calamari?" As a good server, I let him know that yes he could substitute that and I take the rest of his order. Long story short, when his family is ALMOST DONE WITH THEIR MEAL AND AFTER THEY HAVE FINISHED THEIR APPETIZER, he says, "hey man, I didn't get any fried gator with my appetizer trio." I told him that he said he didn't want gator and had me substitute extra fried calamari. I show him his order ticket that he said no gator, extra calamari. He then throws a fit and starts acting like a fucking 5 year old in front of his wife and kids. I let him know that a manager would come speak with him. I tell the manager about the situation and how much of a fuss this guy was making. My manager goes over to the table, talks with him, then comes back to me and says, "you were right, that guy is a fucking asshole! But, just to shut him up and get him out of here I'm giving him a free dessert."

I eventually quit serving tables there and got a new job.

Damn, that sucks. I love Pappadeaux as a customer, but I ain't goin' there on a Friday or Saturday night. We go there fairly often, are good customers, and tip well ... but then, both the wife (no pics this time) and I waited tables for years ourselves. And my first waiter gig was at Red Lobster on 183. Pappadeaux Canadians ain't got a damn thing on those pieces of shit. I can remember more than once there serving a complete meal with apps, desserts, and drinks, and after eating every got damn thing on the table, people telling me they wanted to see the manager because it was the worst meal they'd ever had. 

Edited May 23, 2018 by wood

[Longboard Horn 40324]

1 minute ago, wood said:

Damn, that sucks. I love Pappadeaux as a customer, but I ain't goin' there on a Friday or Saturday night. We go there fairly often, are good customers, and tip well ... but then, both the wife (no pics this time) and I waited tables for years ourselves. And my first waiter gig was at Red Lobster on 183. Pappadeaux Canadians ain't got a damn thing on those pieces of shit.

You indeed understand what it’s like. And yes, Red Lobster canadiens are way worse than Pappadeaux

[GhostofDanJones 336]

1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

Here's one I shared on shaggy back in February so I figured it might get some laughs over here as well:

*Note this is where I currently work, it's not at Pappadeaux.

So yesterday an old couple comes into the restaurant and I wait on them. They sit at lucky number table 13 and I give them excellent service. After they finished, they left satisfied with their service and meal. Anyways, about 10 minutes later the bar tenders ask me if I was serving the people at table 13 because the older man was on the phone asking if he left his blue jacket there. I tell the manager and he says "that guy was wearing his blue jacket when he left." My response, "I thought so. He was wearing it during his meal as well." Poor guy, he forgot he was wearing his jacket the entire time and thought he had lost it.

Alzheimer's is serious business

[GhostofDanJones 336]

Ever have a GM afraid of people gunning for their job 24/7?

[Longboard Horn 40324]

1 minute ago, GhostofDanJones said:

Ever have a GM afraid of people gunning for their job 24/7?

Explain

[GhostofDanJones 336]

Gladly: I also waited tables at Pappadeaux back in the day. Anyways, our GM liked to mainly hire people with no restaurant experience so she could train them up and it would make her look good. A buddy of mine applied at our store. He had been a server at Del Frisco's, Kona Grill, bar manager for Seasons 52, and a bar manager for some other 5 star restaurant in uptown Dallas. I saw his interview. Our GM looks at his resume and says, "Wow! This is impressive. However, why do you wanna work here? You're overqualified for this job." My buddy replies, "because I just moved to this area and based on my qualifications I can help make money for the restaurant." 

She hired him on, but I overheard her talking to our AGM about him possibly taking her job because of his experience in the service industry. Idk, she was paranoid like that. 

[High Plains Drifter 11049]

I delivered pizza for a while. There was this one drunk asshole who would order every Friday night. I would get to his house and he would be drunk as shit, and start arguing about how the amount I was charging him was more than they had told him on the phone.  First time I believed him, and got bitched at by the manager, and had to pay the difference out of my tips. Second time I told him sorry and left with the pizza. He yelled shit, called me names, got in my face, etc. Third time he called, we fucked with his pizza.

So, I get to his house with his fucked up pizza in hand, ring the doorbell, and his five year old answers all excited about getting pizza for dinner (first time I had ever seen a kid there). I couldn't let the little kid eat the fucked up pizza, so I gave them one from a different order. And had to pay for that fuck up too.

After that we just stopped taking orders from the asshole.

Everybody should be required to work in food service for at least six months of their lives.

[Underdog 28639]

Back during my Church’s days, had people bring back chicken cleaned to the bone complaining about it being undercooked, too salty or some other lame ass excuse.  All you can do is laugh inside and give them their refund or offer up a freebie on their next visit.  

[Wiler77 1566]

I did about a 9 month stint at the Austin Papasitos back in the late 90's, and it always amazed me at how many repeat customers we'd get that were surprised by the menu prices.  They's bitch on comment cards or leave shitty tips with a note on the receipt.  And I bet half of what I served were enchiladas, which happened to be the cheapest thing on the menu.  Why would you wait for 30-45 minutes to eat at Papasitos and then order fucking enchiladas?  Always puzzled me.

Anyway, my favorite customer memory was this heffer that came in with her fatass husband and scarfed down 3 bags of chips with a large queso.  Then they ordered chicken fajitas and specifically asked to not pour butter on it (yes, butter was poured before serving and a little cup was put on the skillet) because "she didn't need those extra calories".  The chicken is served with the skin on, so I asked if she wanted me to have them cut the skin off the chicken as well.  Nope, she was good with the skin.  Great--less work for me and the kitchen.  So I put the order in and call out no butter, and it comes out with the butter in the cup but not poured on the chicken.  She throws a fucking fit.  "I asked for no butter!  It's not that hard to understand.  Take this back and get it right."  I explained to her that there is no butter on the chicken or any of her food, but it was left on the side in case her husband wanted it for something. "No, he doesn't need butter either.  It's ridiculous that butter is even served with fajitas."  OK, well how about I just take this to the back and get it off the table?  "No, some might have spilled on our food.  Take the whole thing away and bring us a completely fresh one."  I just laughed and told them I'd bring them a fresh bag of chips so they wouldn't go hungry while waiting on a fresh food order.  Husband's glare told me he was not amused by my comment, but he didn't have the heart to explain it to his wife.

[Mr. Drummond 2199]

Worked at a steak house in late 80s.   Saturday night was prime rib night.    Lady orders the prime rib.    I serve it to her.

customer "this isn't prime rib"

young drummond "yes ma'am it is"

customer " this isn't what i ordered"

young drummond "you ordered the prime rib ma'am but what would you like"

Customer " get your manager, this is not prime rib"

Manager comes over to me after talking to this lady -  she thought prime rib was top quality pork ribs.  

He gave her the prime rib for free, (we didnt have ribs) and i got zero tip.

 

[LonghornLib 5]

I slang bar b que downtown for a year.  There was an item on the menu called "The Chunk", which was a big piece of the moist brisket served like a steak.  It was really good, but as you can imagine, had a significant amount of delicious fat on it.  At least 3 times a week, a customer would eat the more than 3/4th's of it and then bring it back and claim it was too fatty and wanted their money back.  The manager always gave them a free banana pudding that could have been from 3 days earlier.  Good times in food service!

Edited May 23, 2018 by LonghornLib
grammar

[Macanudo 12979]

2 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

 I worked at Pappadeaux when I was in college and our clientele was the worst. The term "canadians" is used to point out difficult customers regardless of race. Most people do not tip, or would only leave maybe 10% if that. *Note: the lunch shifts during the week were fine because it was mostly corporate businessmen and they were always nice and polite. Plus, they tipped well. 

I worked at the TGI Fridays by Greenspoint Mall in the summers during college.   Anadarko still had their HQ there so week day lunches were the shifts to get.   But week nights sucked and weekends were full of Canadians (we used that term too.)  

As for the special ordering, yeah, that's a known tactic to set up a bitch for later.   And women, as a group are the absolute worst tippers.  They round EVERYTHING down.  If the entree cost $11.95, drink was 2.50, they thought their meal was $13.00 (11+2) instead of $14.45 + tax.  Fucking hated waiting on tables full of only women. 

[ChickenSandwich 9836]

1 hour ago, High Plains Drifter said:

I delivered pizza for a while. There was this one drunk asshole who would order every Friday night. I would get to his house and he would be drunk as shit, and start arguing about how the amount I was charging him was more than they had told him on the phone.  First time I believed him, and got bitched at by the manager, and had to pay the difference out of my tips. Second time I told him sorry and left with the pizza. He yelled shit, called me names, got in my face, etc. Third time he called, we fucked with his pizza.

So, I get to his house with his fucked up pizza in hand, ring the doorbell, and his five year old answers all excited about getting pizza for dinner (first time I had ever seen a kid there). I couldn't let the little kid eat the fucked up pizza, so I gave them one from a different order. And had to pay for that fuck up too.

After that we just stopped taking orders from the asshole.

Everybody should be required to work in food service for at least six months of their lives.

pizza place delivered until 3am.  Took me about a week to implement a credit card only policy for any orders after midnight.  Fuckers would constantly pass out before the delivery.

And it's not just Canadians, Facebook and Yelp trolls are constantly blasting your social media threatening terrible reviews if they didn't get free food.  Had to hire a company to deal with that bullshit.  Food service workers are fucking amazing for the amount of shit they have to deal with.  I will never not tip well because I know they get screwed every shift.

[Wiler77 1566]

I've got 3 young boys, and my wife are on the same page as far as letting them make their own decisions in life.  But I am going to insist that all 3 have both manual labor and experience in the food service industry under their belt before they finish college.  Opens your eyes to what real work is and how to treat other people.

[jimmyjazz 45957]

It's not hilarity so much as a bitch -- I worked fast food (Wendy's) in HS, and I swear every manager was functionally retarded.

I was running the drive-thru register one day when a guy came flying up and slammed on his brakes right outside the window.  He jumped out of his car and popped the hood, where it became clear that he had an engine fire.  He was beating on it with his t-shirt, accomplishing little, so I grabbed the kitchen fire extinguisher and tossed it to him.  He put the fire out.  I got written up for improper use of kitchen equipment.

[Orange&White 5528]

My sister got kicked in the stomach by a horse one day when I was 13 years old. She was a bus girl at a restaurant out in Lakeway called "The Alpenhof". My parents were friends with the owner, so instead of the restaurant being without a bus person on a Friday night, 13 year old me began my restaurant career that last until I was 33.

I'll start with a few and probably add more as they come to me.

Had a guy at the Alpenhof get menu price shock (this was in 1986) so he found something cheap that looked good. Steak Tartar. He eventually sent it back to have it grilled and thrown on a bun. 

Oasis in about 1990. Customer asked for manager. Manager arrives and the complaint is that there was a bloody band aid in their fajita meat. The manager offered to comp the entire meal, but they refused and said that they just "ate around it" and just wanted them to be aware.

Not me, but a friend of mine was bar tending a private party at Christmas with an open bar. About 5 fellows walked up and ordered Courvoisier and Cokes. She asked if they wanted the regular or the XO. They simply said, "what ever is better". You got it. XO it is! Throughout the night, several other people joined them in their drinks. When the business owner (small business, probably 30-35 employees) went to pay the bill, he got a shock to see 40+ drinks at a pretty hefty sum.

My own father will send the waiter back a second time after the waiter brings his change, to break a dollar, so that he can tip 10% to the penny. The few times I ever eat with him any more, I always sneak extra money to the wait staff.

Good Eats Cafe about 1993. We had a family of four that came in once a week to eat fried catfish. All four family members (Mom, Dad, son, daughter) looked EXACTLY the same. Disgustingly obese (think 400 pound minimum) pale skin, freckles, bright red hair. The all ordered two fillets of friend catfish, onion rings, french fries, extra tartar sauce, extra cornbread, Dr. Pepper. One night, dad has a fucking heart attack while eating. Recovers a few minutes later and finishes his meal and doesn't miss any subsequent weeks. 

[Zepol87 9186]

God damn that is hardcore fatness

[miguelito 11266]

2 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

I delivered pizza for a while. There was this one drunk asshole who would order every Friday night. I would get to his house and he would be drunk as shit, and start arguing about how the amount I was charging him was more than they had told him on the phone.  First time I believed him, and got bitched at by the manager, and had to pay the difference out of my tips. Second time I told him sorry and left with the pizza. He yelled shit, called me names, got in my face, etc. Third time he called, we fucked with his pizza.

So, I get to his house with his fucked up pizza in hand, ring the doorbell, and his five year old answers all excited about getting pizza for dinner (first time I had ever seen a kid there). I couldn't let the little kid eat the fucked up pizza, so I gave them one from a different order. And had to pay for that fuck up too.

After that we just stopped taking orders from the asshole.

Everybody should be required to work in food service for at least six months of their lives.

I gots to know.

[jimmyjazz 45957]

8 minutes ago, Orange^White said:

Oasis in about 1990. Customer asked for manager. Manager arrives and the complaint is that there was a bloody band aid in their fajita meat. The manager offered to comp the entire meal, but they refused and said that they just "ate around it" and just wanted them to be aware.

That's right at the height of AIDS hysteria.  Impressive.

 

9 minutes ago, Orange^White said:

Good Eats Cafe about 1993. We had a family of four that came in once a week to eat fried catfish. All four family members (Mom, Dad, son, daughter) looked EXACTLY the same. Disgustingly obese (think 400 pound minimum) pale skin, freckles, bright red hair. The all ordered two fillets of friend catfish, onion rings, french fries, extra tartar sauce, extra cornbread, Dr. Pepper. One night, dad has a fucking heart attack while eating. Recovers a few minutes later and finishes his meal and doesn't miss any subsequent weeks. 

Like a boss.

[luke duke 6413]

Good Eats Cafe about 1993. We had a family of four that came in once a week to eat fried catfish. All four family members (Mom, Dad, son, daughter) looked EXACTLY the same. Disgustingly obese (think 400 pound minimum) pale skin, freckles, bright red hair. The all ordered two fillets of friend catfish, onion rings, french fries, extra tartar sauce, extra cornbread, Dr. Pepper. One night, dad has a fucking heart attack while eating. Recovers a few minutes later and finishes his meal and doesn't miss any subsequent weeks. 

 

 

 

[Kyrie Eleison 9312]

worked at a Luby's back in the day.  we had a lady on the line who was Korean...and she absolutely hated Vietnamese people with passion that rivaled the heat of a thousand suns.  if it were somewhat slow and a Vietnamese person or family was coming up she'd walk off the line.  she called them "dog people."  this is Port Arthur, mind you, so there's a big Viet population.

one particular day it was hot and heavy...long line, loud and worst of all late in the day and we were tired.  the Korean lady has her head down and not paying attention, she looks up and there's a Vietnamese family right in front of her.  the look of disgust is burned in my memory.

so they tell her what she wants, she repeats it back, and neither can understand each other's broken ass English.  she'd grab the spoon for something and the Viets would raise hell "NO! NO! NO!  DAH (translation: "THAT")!  the manager and i we're watching this racist shitshow unfold and busting out laughing.

after about the third time the Korean lady had enough of that shit and started screaming at them, so they scream back...each in their native tongue.  and finally Korea has enough, grabs a spoon full of macaroni and cheese and flings that shit at the customers somewhere close to the speed of light....hard enough to stick to the wall behind them and just over the head of some poor coonass who was also laughing.

thus ended the career of Korean Luby's line-lady.

[Zepol87 9186]

Worldstar!!!!

[VivaNaranja 466]

I've been working in fine dining restaurants for 20 years. Managing for 5. Had. I've seen all kinds of craziness in that time. My favorite was during the holidays last year. 

We had a lady who enjoyed herself a little too much at her company Christmas dinner. She went to use the restroom, leaving her purse at the table. As she was walking back to her table after pissing she went back to the restroom because she thought she left her purse in the stall. The stall was then occupied by another guest, a very sweet regular guest in her 70's. Businesswoman bangs on the door and demands her purse back. Regular informs her there is no purse in the stall and that the restroom is occupied. The woman proceeds to kick the stall door in, grabs the old lady (with her panties still around her ankles) and throws her through the glazed glass bathroom door. Our regular ended up with approximately 6 inch glass shard in her ass. She grabbed the other woman and dragged her through the door with her, so the aggressor ended up with another shard in her neck. 

 

Same night we had a party of around 20 guests. Their server managed to break a glass in her hand and had to go to the ER. The table was informed that their server had an accident and had to go to the hospital, and another server took over the table.  They wrote a letter to corporate the next day saying they were discriminated against because of their race. Their specific complaints we're a delay in taking their order (due to a hospitalized server) and that we refused to let them use the women's restroom (due to broken glass and blood all over the room).

[Longboard Horn 40324]

5 hours ago, Mr. Drummond said:

Worked at a steak house in late 80s.   Saturday night was prime rib night.    Lady orders the prime rib.    I serve it to her.

customer "this isn't prime rib"

young drummond "yes ma'am it is"

customer " this isn't what i ordered"

young drummond "you ordered the prime rib ma'am but what would you like"

Customer " get your manager, this is not prime rib"

Manager comes over to me after talking to this lady -  she thought prime rib was top quality pork ribs.  

He gave her the prime rib for free, (we didnt have ribs) and i got zero tip.

 

Fuck that cunt

[wood 11225]

6 hours ago, Macanudo said:

I worked at the TGI Fridays by Greenspoint Mall in the summers during college.   Anadarko still had their HQ there so week day lunches were the shifts to get.   But week nights sucked and weekends were full of Canadians (we used that term too.)  

As for the special ordering, yeah, that's a known tactic to set up a bitch for later.   And women, as a group are the absolute worst tippers.  They round EVERYTHING down.  If the entree cost $11.95, drink was 2.50, they thought their meal was $13.00 (11+2) instead of $14.45 + tax.  Fucking hated waiting on tables full of only women. 

Yeah, women. And did you ever have to work Sunday lunch and wait on the after-church crowd? Always come in in a party of, like 10 or so, run your ass off, asking for new shit every 5 seconds, and then split the bill up and don't tip. Awesome.

[wood 11225]

5 hours ago, Orange^White said:

My own father will send the waiter back a second time after the waiter brings his change, to break a dollar, so that he can tip 10% to the penny. The few times I ever eat with him any more, I always sneak extra money to the wait staff.

My stepmonster insists on lime with her tea, among the other various special requests she invariably has. If they forget & bring it with lemon or nothing, she acts like it's the end of the world. And yeah, I always slip extra money in there to make sure the tip is covered properly. I always tip 20+%. ... unless the waiter just fucks off or has a shitty attitude. I'll even tip extra when the service sucked but the waiter is in the weeds and is busting their ass and has a good attitude.

[wood 11225]

OK, ever call a man "Ma'am" or a woman "Sir" when waiting tables? I did it once. This chick is sitting with a couple other chicks at Cafe Adobe on N. Lamar. Lady looks like a dude. I mean, she's really trying hard to look like a dude, and she's pulling it off. Looks totally like a cowboy straight off the ranch. So I'm taking their orders and I get to her and say "What would you like sir"? Holy shit. You shoulda seen all of them. Like I had just killed all their puppies right in front of them. Bitch got all huffy. Shit, man. I mean Ma'am. You're trying like hell to look like a Sir, so why do you get pissed when you get called Sir? You oughta be fucking ecstatic.

Yeah, I didn't get a tip.

Edited May 24, 2018 by wood

[TwiceHorn 31472]

8 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

I delivered pizza for a while. There was this one drunk asshole who would order every Friday night. I would get to his house and he would be drunk as shit, and start arguing about how the amount I was charging him was more than they had told him on the phone.  First time I believed him, and got bitched at by the manager, and had to pay the difference out of my tips. Second time I told him sorry and left with the pizza. He yelled shit, called me names, got in my face, etc. Third time he called, we fucked with his pizza.

So, I get to his house with his fucked up pizza in hand, ring the doorbell, and his five year old answers all excited about getting pizza for dinner (first time I had ever seen a kid there). I couldn't let the little kid eat the fucked up pizza, so I gave them one from a different order. And had to pay for that fuck up too.

After that we just stopped taking orders from the asshole.

Everybody should be required to work in food service for at least six months of their lives.

Define "fucked up pizza" pls.  Extra jizz?  Some poop?  A few boogers?  A phlegm globber?

[Larry T. Spider 1746]

If you every want to deal with the absolute craziest of society, I suggest working in public education or the restaurant business. Unless you are rude to me, you will get over 20%. I often do 30% just to make up for the shit they deal with. I swear a good chunk of the lower middle class goes out to eat purely to act like a pharaoh and have some poor server run around for an hour only to get stiffed.

[High Plains Drifter 11049]

15 hours ago, miguelito said:

I gots to know.

Just spit some lugies on it under the toppings. I'm not sure how common such a thing is, but that was the only time I was ever involved in such shenanigans. And like I said, it ended up not being eaten anyway.

 

 

[Wiler77 1566]

10 hours ago, Larry T. Spider said:

I swear a good chunk of the lower middle class goes out to eat purely to act like a pharaoh and have some poor server run around for an hour only to get stiffed.

From my experience, Papasitos on Sunday morning at 11:30 was the nexus of their universe.  I think they'd all meet there and test out new ways to find ordering loopholes and work the waitstaff over, all with the end goal of savings $0.75.  Then they'd take their new learnings and go execute on the rest of the city.

Wood nailed it--Sunday morning was the worst.  Slammed the entire shift, but somehow I'd end up with less tips than a random Wednesday night.  18 drinks refills of their free waters or $2 cokes/teas would earn me a shiny quarter.

[baboso 6056]

Waited tables and tended bar all through college.  [Dirt bike] I've seen some shit, man. [/Dirt bike]

One bar I worked at used to have Greek night on Thursdays.  Sorority whores drank for half price, actually, any random chick was half price.  Needless to say, we were also overrun with frat bros trying to pick up drunk chicks.  Horrible, horrible tippers, all of them.  One such evening was drunker than usual, had to break up two scuffles among the bros, drunk chicks galore.  We close the bar and get started cleaning; one of the waitresses goes in the ladies room and immediately comes running out.  She says you have to go check this out, so I go in and right in the middle of the floor is a pile of shit that Andre the Giant would have been proud of.  Some little Chi O or whatever apparently couldn't wait for a stall to open and crapped on the floor.  I'm sure her parents would be proud.  Had to pay a bus boy 10 bucks to clean it up.

[CooterBrown 18012]

1 hour ago, Wiler77 said:

Wood nailed it--Sunday morning was the worst.  Slammed the entire shift, but somehow I'd end up with less tips than a random Wednesday night.  18 drinks refills of their free waters or $2 cokes/teas would earn me a shiny quarter.

My friend worked at Outback in college and always said the after church crowd was the worst.  His tip one time was a note that his 10% tip would be tithed for him at the customer's church the next Sunday.

[Brisketexan 105142]

25 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

My friend worked at Outback in college and always said the after church crowd was the worst.  His tip one time was a note that his 10% tip would be tithed for him at the customer's church the next Sunday.

I once got a tip like that -- a note that said "your tip is the good news that Jesus Christ is your lord and savior who died for you!"

I ran out in the parking lot hollering "JESUS DOESN'T PAY MY FUCKING RENT!"....but they were already driving off.

[wood 11225]

58 minutes ago, baboso said:

Waited tables and tended bar all through college.  [Dirt bike] I've seen some shit, man. [/Dirt bike]

One bar I worked at used to have Greek night on Thursdays.  Sorority whores drank for half price, actually, any random chick was half price.  Needless to say, we were also overrun with frat bros trying to pick up drunk chicks.  Horrible, horrible tippers, all of them.  One such evening was drunker than usual, had to break up two scuffles among the bros, drunk chicks galore.  We close the bar and get started cleaning; one of the waitresses goes in the ladies room and immediately comes running out.  She says you have to go check this out, so I go in and right in the middle of the floor is a pile of shit that Andre the Giant would have been proud of.  Some little Chi O or whatever apparently couldn't wait for a stall to open and crapped on the floor.  I'm sure her parents would be proud.  Had to pay a bus boy 10 bucks to clean it up.

This reminds me, not really a restaurant-specific thing, but women's public restrooms are generally wayyyyy nastier than men's restrooms.

[Dr Fear 1268]

6 minutes ago, wood said:

This reminds me, not really a restaurant-specific thing, but women's public restrooms are generally wayyyyy nastier than men's restrooms.

I can personally confirm this having worked at Razzoo's for 5 years usually as the closing server. The worst guys usually do is piss on the floor and spit stuff in the urinal.  The women's stalls often looked like a crime scene.

[luke duke 6413]

That’s because they insist on hovering about 3 feet above the toilet because they think that their ass is cleaner than the chick before them.

[wood 11225]

25 minutes ago, Dr Fear said:

I can personally confirm this having worked at Razzoo's for 5 years usually as the closing server. The worst guys usually do is piss on the floor and spit stuff in the urinal.  The women's stalls often looked like a crime scene.

For the uninitiated, this is no exaggeration. At my work, there are separate men's & women's locker rooms with restrooms & showers, and then there are unisex single restrooms scattered about the place. None of the guys use the unisex rooms because they're always disgusting, while the restrooms at our locker room are always immaculate.

[DallasHorn26 586]

I worked at a Tex Mex Place in high school.  We would have this group come in every Sunday night after church 20 minutes before closing.  They would all order water, and a la carte items only.  They would keep whoever the lucky server was running back and forth refilling water and salsa every 3 minutes.  Then they would stay well beyond closing time.  This was usually a group of 10-12 people and would all split the bill even though the whole table's bill was $30 at most.  

[High Plains Drifter 11049]

3 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

My friend worked at Outback in college and always said the after church crowd was the worst.  His tip one time was a note that his 10% tip would be tithed for him at the customer's church the next Sunday.

 

Once I was offered one of those little green New Testament bibles as a tip on a pizza delivery. I told the guy "no thanks, give it to someone who needs it."

 

 

[FartingMonk 3606]

worked at my parents restaurant growing up.  had plenty of customers eat everything off the plate except for a piece of broccoli or a piece of onion and then demand a refund for the food being too salty.  the worst are the ones who don't insist on trying out the food then dump the entire salt shaker into the food then complain about it being too salty after they are done with the meal.  Susan will say "I don't know what y'all did with the food this time, but last time I had it it wasn't so salty.  I would look at the salt shaker.........."  The Canadians would come in and ask to sample everything even though we had nothing cooked, but they would insist if they could get a sample of everything they would buy an item the next time.  It would always end up with "Fuck y'all people, I ain't gonna eat dog anyways"

[Fred Willard 115]

Pizza boy in high school and summer and winter breaks in college. I ring the bell and two lesbians answer (can’t remember if it was a large sausage). They ask if I can come in and help them with their Xmas tree. I hesitantly agree. 

They ask me to help them trim up the bottom of the tree. I say, ok where are the pruners? They scurry around for a bit and bring back a dull steak knife. Well I get to work with that knife and these gals are climbing all over me “helping” to pull back limbs while I saw away. I finish up and they tip me 20 bucks.

Not penthouse forums. These were some 50 yr old bull dikes. No boner had. 

[blacklab 11929]

Spent many of my younger years working at restaurants. I was an angry young man.

There was one manager I really hated. I was walking back to the kitchen which had a swinging metal door with a small window. He was coming the other way carrying two trays of beer mugs. I paused for a second to let him get closer to the door and just as he was about to come out I kicked the door in. The two trays went flying over his head and broke all over the place. 

[Hank Scorpio 17729]

That reminds me of this old manager I had at Subway. He was a real asshole and never let us eat free sandwiches, even though he would do it all the time. So one night me and my coworker put what we thought was laxative in a sub he made, but it turned out to be rat poison. Long story short, he starts foaming at the mouth and tries to call 911, so I smashed him over the head with a baking sheet until he stopped moving. We tossed his body down an old mine shaft and told his wife that he left her for another woman. 

Then we came in the next day and the rats had shit everywhere because of the aforementioned mix up with the laxatives. Man, those were the days.