Longboard Horn's Thread for Restaurant Employee Hilarity

[Fred Willard 115]

That manager does sound like a real dick.

[Leeroy Jenkins 2,404]

I haven't worked in this world before but I did some "bar-tending" when I was in the Navy.  Each P-3 deployment site had it's own bar and usually the crew that was on the ready (couldn't drink) would tend the bar in the evening if it were busy.  Well one night in Keflavik my crew was on the ready and we hosted an all officers party at the bar.  There was this one asshole O5 that was being a dick and he kept ordering can beers.  Well we would shake the fuck out of them before handing them to him and beer would spray all over the place when he opened it.  Our CO was watching us do this and he was dying laughing the entire time.  Well the dickhead O5 got tired of the beer and ordered a mixed drink in even a more asshole manner so my buddy stirred the drink with his dick then served it.   

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3,868]

2 hours ago, DallasHorn26 said:

I worked at a Tex Mex Place in high school.  We would have this group come in every Sunday night after church 20 minutes before closing.  They would all order water, and a la carte items only.  They would keep whoever the lucky server was running back and forth refilling water and salsa every 3 minutes.  Then they would stay well beyond closing time.  This was usually a group of 10-12 people and would all split the bill even though the whole table's bill was $30 at most.  

We had a customer like this that came in regularly in the last 5 minutes for a multiple course sit down meal. Closing all around him, bringing the lights up, turning off the music, and even having him lift his feet to vacuum under him didn't clue him in.

One day he was just a little too late and banged on the door thinking he had some privilege and we would open back up for him. The floor manager just tapped his watch face and shook his head no and walked away. The whole staff was watching thanks to the open kitchen and the hoops, hollers, finger pointing, and laughter were amazing.  That guy didn't return for months.

Edited May 24, 2018 by ShaggyBevo RIP

[Longboard Horn 40,325]

23 hours ago, DallasHorn26 said:

I worked at a Tex Mex Place in high school.  We would have this group come in every Sunday night after church 20 minutes before closing.  They would all order water, and a la carte items only.  They would keep whoever the lucky server was running back and forth refilling water and salsa every 3 minutes.  Then they would stay well beyond closing time.  This was usually a group of 10-12 people and would all split the bill even though the whole table's bill was $30 at most.  

Those people are the worst

[Orange&White 5,528]

During my time at Good Eats, we had a Gay AA group on Sunday nights. They did all of the same shit.

[wood 11,225]

On a more positive note, when I worked closing shifts at Cafe Adobe, we'd often go from there to Trudy's by campus to get nachos & drinks. We'd come in in a group of 8 or 10 and the waitstaff would fight over us because we always had a pretty decent sized bill and tipped 30-50%. So that was fun...

[ROFL BOX 6,649]

Worked a few places in HS; one of the interesting tales was when I worked @ 15th Street Fisheries in Lauderdale (right over the Intracoastal for those who know the area).  I was a bus boy there & a friend was working around 8 minutes closer to my house @ Lauderdale Yacht Club making $ 1.00 more / hour.

Of course I jumped ship & moved over to LYC.  Around 1 week after I am @ LYC, the dining room GM (who hadn't hired me) asked where I was working just prior.  I said "15th" & he freaks out, then calls the guy who owns 15th & apologizes for "poaching" one of his employees - it turns out he was taking a course i  n hospitality @ FIU in Miami from the Fisheries owner.

 

& As to the "Canadians" moniker for people who are shitty tippers & have insane expectations, I can guarantee you that started in South Florida because we had mass #'s of Canadians who did the snowbird thing down there & every tale you've heard is true.  I think the Earlybird was invented exclusively for them.

[52-80 19,159]

Jesus Christ people are fucking repugnant.  Question - does their behavior taint your treatment towards everyone else?  In the same shift or of the same appearance, etc?  

(Thank god im not canadien tho...)

[Larry T. Spider 1,746]

8 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Worked a few places in HS; one of the interesting tales was when I worked @ 15th Street Fisheries in Lauderdale (right over the Intracoastal for those who know the area).  I was a bus boy there & a friend was working around 8 minutes closer to my house @ Lauderdale Yacht Club making $ 1.00 more / hour.

Of course I jumped ship & moved over to LYC.  Around 1 week after I am @ LYC, the dining room GM (who hadn't hired me) asked where I was working just prior.  I said "15th" & he freaks out, then calls the guy who owns 15th & apologizes for "poaching" one of his employees - it turns out he was taking a course i  n hospitality @ FIU in Miami from the Fisheries owner.

 

& As to the "Canadians" moniker for people who are shitty tippers & have insane expectations, I can guarantee you that started in South Florida because we had mass #'s of Canadians who did the snowbird thing down there & every tale you've heard is true.  I think the Earlybird was invented exclusively for them.

"Canadians" was just a code way of saying blecks. It has morphed into meaning all bad customers but I promise it wasn't started about actual Canadians. There is a lot of server racism based on stereotypes and past experiences with certain groups. Common to hear a black waiter talking about getting screwed with a "blacktop".

[wood 11,225]

I remember at Red Lobster on 183, some people used "WeBe" to refer to black customers. Never heard that one anywhere else though.

[BurdineBandit 815]

Glad y'all went through this so I didn't have to. This thread delivers.

[gecko 1,104]

Hank, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.

Edited June 6, 2018 by gecko

[ScottishHorn 172]

On 5/23/2018 at 1:32 PM, High Plains Drifter said:

I delivered pizza for a while. There was this one drunk asshole who would order every Friday night. I would get to his house and he would be drunk as shit, and start arguing about how the amount I was charging him was more than they had told him on the phone.  First time I believed him, and got bitched at by the manager, and had to pay the difference out of my tips. Second time I told him sorry and left with the pizza. He yelled shit, called me names, got in my face, etc. Third time he called, we fucked with his pizza.

So, I get to his house with his fucked up pizza in hand, ring the doorbell, and his five year old answers all excited about getting pizza for dinner (first time I had ever seen a kid there). I couldn't let the little kid eat the fucked up pizza, so I gave them one from a different order. And had to pay for that fuck up too.

After that we just stopped taking orders from the asshole.

Everybody should be required to work in food service for at least six months of their lives.

I don't know. I'd hate to give up hope on humanity.

[wood 11,225]

I worked at the campus Domino's for a couple years. Actually decent money. Busy as shit ... supposedly busiest store in the country for a while. Delivered a pizza to Mary Lou Retton once. She was about like you'd expect. Oh yeah, some dragworm stole my gym bag outta my car on a delivery once. Had my favorite Texas sweats in it. I still miss those sweats, dammit. So comfy.

Remember the "30 minutes or free" guarantee they had for a while? I remember students trying to scam that shit constantly, saying we were late when it had been 15 minutes since they called, etc. Or sometimes they'd just not answer the door to delay you, so you'd have to go find a phone and call the store, & they'd call the customer, who'd claim we hadn't been there. Then if we were 1 second late, they'd try to get the pizza for free and bitch if we wouldn't go along. Nope. Fuck off. Pay up or I'll take your pie back to the store & we'll all eat it.

We were fast as fuck. I remember delivering a pizza across the street 4 minutes after we hung up the phone on the order. Customer was stunned.

Edited June 6, 2018 by wood

[ChickenSandwich 9,836]

13 hours ago, wood said:

I worked at the campus Domino's for a couple years. Actually decent money. Busy as shit ... supposedly busiest store in the country for a while. Delivered a pizza to Mary Lou Retton once. She was about like you'd expect. Oh yeah, some dragworm stole my gym bag outta my car on a delivery once. Had my favorite Texas sweats in it. I still miss those sweats, dammit. So comfy.

Remember the "30 minutes or free" guarantee they had for a while? I remember students trying to scam that shit constantly, saying we were late when it had been 15 minutes since they called, etc. Or sometimes they'd just not answer the door to delay you, so you'd have to go find a phone and call the store, & they'd call the customer, who'd claim we hadn't been there. Then if we were 1 second late, they'd try to get the pizza for free and bitch if we wouldn't go along. Nope. Fuck off. Pay up or I'll take your pie back to the store & we'll all eat it.

We were fast as fuck. I remember delivering a pizza across the street 4 minutes after we hung up the phone on the order. Customer was stunned.

You sound smart. The dip shits at papa johns didn’t think locking their doors at Camino Real was a good idea. Free pizza from the front seat. 

Karma later as pizza is a cruel mistress 

[Guest]

On 5/23/2018 at 1:32 PM, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Everybody should be required to work in food service for at least six months of their lives.

I know I could never do this job or work as an educator.  It’d take about 5 minutes before I had enough of these people’s shit nd told them to GTFO and don’t come back.

 

Can we just take your word for it that it’s tough dealing with assholes with no character or respect for others?

[Guest]

On 5/24/2018 at 2:40 PM, Leeroy Jenkins said:

Well the dickhead O5 got tired of the beer and ordered a mixed drink in even a more asshole manner so my buddy stirred the drink with his dick then served it.   

Sounds like SOP in a squid bar...

[baboso 6,056]

1 hour ago, slorch said:

I know I could never do this job or work as an educator.  It’d take about 5 minutes before I had enough of these people’s shit nd told them to GTFO and don’t come back.

 

Can we just take your word for it that it’s tough dealing with assholes with no character or respect for others?

[Longboard Horn 40,325]

I worked at the campus Domino's for a couple years. Actually decent money. Busy as shit ... supposedly busiest store in the country for a while. Delivered a pizza to Mary Lou Retton once. She was about like you'd expect. Oh yeah, some dragworm stole my gym bag outta my car on a delivery once. Had my favorite Texas sweats in it. I still miss those sweats, dammit. So comfy.
Remember the "30 minutes or free" guarantee they had for a while? I remember students trying to scam that shit constantly, saying we were late when it had been 15 minutes since they called, etc. Or sometimes they'd just not answer the door to delay you, so you'd have to go find a phone and call the store, & they'd call the customer, who'd claim we hadn't been there. Then if we were 1 second late, they'd try to get the pizza for free and bitch if we wouldn't go along. Nope. Fuck off. Pay up or I'll take your pie back to the store & we'll all eat it.
We were fast as fuck. I remember delivering a pizza across the street 4 minutes after we hung up the phone on the order. Customer was stunned.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Longboard Horn 40,325]

 My very last shift ever working at Pappadeaux.  I had nothing but Canadians in my section all night that gave me nothing but problems with bitching about the prices and what not.  Then I get a bodybuilder douche bag and his girlfriend and a few of his body builder douche bag friends for my last table of the night. He wanted a catfish.  Shouldn’t have been a problem right? However, he asked for one catfish fillet half of that fried and another half blackened.  I asked if he wanted one fried fillet and a blackened fillet and he says “No man! I want one fillet, fry this half and blacken the other.”  I explained to him that we can’t do that. He gets upset but says that 2 fillets will be fine, then proceeds to cuss me out under his breath.

Later on in the meal, I offer dessert. He says he wanted the bread pudding and a round of beers for him and his buddies. They came into the restaurant already intoxicated, so I notify my manager. My manager explained that we had to cut him off and he throws a fit. As for the tip, yeah he left me nothing. He wrote a very angry note about how he couldn’t get exactly what he wanted blah blah blah even though he was a regular there and ALREADY KNEW THAT WE CANNOT MODIFY SOME OF OUR ITEMS A CERTAIN WAY! 

One of his buddies left me $10 and apologized for everything. 

[Deej 76,796]

On 6/6/2018 at 10:24 AM, wood said:

I worked at the campus Domino's for a couple years. Actually decent money. Busy as shit ... supposedly busiest store in the country for a while. Delivered a pizza to Mary Lou Retton once. She was about like you'd expect. Oh yeah, some dragworm stole my gym bag outta my car on a delivery once. Had my favorite Texas sweats in it. I still miss those sweats, dammit. So comfy.

Remember the "30 minutes or free" guarantee they had for a while? I remember students trying to scam that shit constantly, saying we were late when it had been 15 minutes since they called, etc. Or sometimes they'd just not answer the door to delay you, so you'd have to go find a phone and call the store, & they'd call the customer, who'd claim we hadn't been there. Then if we were 1 second late, they'd try to get the pizza for free and bitch if we wouldn't go along. Nope. Fuck off. Pay up or I'll take your pie back to the store & we'll all eat it.

We were fast as fuck. I remember delivering a pizza across the street 4 minutes after we hung up the phone on the order. Customer was stunned.

Yum, raw pizza.

[wood 11,225]

1 hour ago, Deej said:

Yum, raw pizza.

Nope. Those ovens with the tracks that move the pizza through to the other side would cook a pizza in about 90 seconds. In one side, out the other side fully cooked. Back then Domino's was actually pretty good, and those were the ovens they used. Same cook time for every pie, and they were all done just right.

[Deej 76,796]

Seriously, you took the order, made the pizza, cooked the pizza, and had it at the door in 4 minutes? 

[skipperj 377]

Yeah. I call bullshit.

[wood 11,225]

31 minutes ago, Deej said:

Seriously, you took the order, made the pizza, cooked the pizza, and had it at the door in 4 minutes? 

4 minutes from the time we hung up the phone. It was right across the street behind the Jack in the Box. It was a simple pepperoni pizza. The guys making 'em were fast as hell. They had to be, because we'd get busy as hell. They had plenty of practice. Make the pie, maybe 90 seconds in the oven, slide it right into a box & out the door it goes. I didn't even get in my car. Just ran it across 26th.

Don't get me wrong. This was a one off. Easy order, quick to cook because it wasn't loaded with toppings, and right across the street. Even we were surprised how quick we got it to the door.

Edited June 8, 2018 by wood

[Spankytoes 1,739]

How could it take you four minutes to cook your pizza when it takes the entire pizza-eating world twenty minutes? Were these magic pizzas? Did you buy them from the same guy that sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

[Baboontyme 2,812]

I bet that pizza was pretty much hot n' ready by the time the order taker hung up the phone. 

[wood 11,225]

Wow. I had no idea this would be so controversial. 

27 minutes ago, Baboontyme said:

I bet that pizza was pretty much hot n' ready by the time the order taker hung up the phone. 

Nope. It was a flat piece of dough.

 

34 minutes ago, Spankytoes said:

How could it take you four minutes to cook your pizza when it takes the entire pizza-eating world twenty minutes? Were these magic pizzas? Did you buy them from the same guy that sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

30 seconds or less to make a simple pepperoni pizza. 2 minutes or so to bake it, cut it, & box it. Out the door & run it like 100 feet across the street to Centennial Condos. 

One guy who won a Domino's pizza-making contest made 3 pepperonis in like 40 seconds or something, and you can buy countertop pizza ovens that will cook 2 pizzas in 90 seconds, and they aren't even the conveyor type iirc. These weren't countertop ovens. They were big commercial conveyor ovens designed to crank out thin pizzas as fast as possible.

Edited June 8, 2018 by wood

[Spankytoes 1,739]

https://giphy.com/gifs/l0IypzHdEdTTt0KBy/html5

 

 

Edited June 8, 2018 by Spankytoes

[skipperj 377]

Name one pizza that cooks in an oven in 90 seconds.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,907]

An uncooked one

[TTU13 108]

Surprised no one has mentioned the people with gift cards. They acted as if whoever bought them the gift card pre tipped.

I’m glad I worked I in service industry during college and learned some valuable life lessons and agree everyone should have to work in the industry at some point.

When I go out, I take care of my server and it’s beyond amazing how some respect and good tipping gets you taken care of. Some people fail to realize this and get shit service. Places where I’m a regular, I get way under charged and get the hookup. I also tip my server well.

I got to the point where regulars knew my section and my average tip was 34%. I memorized their order and when I saw them pulling in the parking lot I got their drinks and had them at their table before they even sat down.

[wood 11,225]

6 minutes ago, skipperj said:

Name one pizza that cooks in an oven in 90 seconds.

Well, Domino's did. That's one.

And a quick google search produces several countertop or high-output industrial ovens that will cook multiple pizzas in 90 seconds to two minutes at 800 to 1000 degrees. It's just high heat applied in the right way. The difference now is that they make very small ovens that will do the same thing, like this one, but there are others. Idk what these small ones cost, but if you want, now you can even have 90 second pizzas in your own home...

 

[DoobieWah 1,443]

10 hours ago, skipperj said:

Name one pizza that cooks in an oven in 90 seconds.

Done!

 

Quote

Pizaro’s Pizza Napoletana is home to Houston’s original Napoletana pizzeria. Using the same time-honored traditions and techniques that have been used in Naples, Italy for over 300 years, these lightly topped pizzas cook in 90 seconds at 900 degrees in a custom made Italian brick oven.

 

[wood 11,225]

1 hour ago, DoobieWah said:

Done!

Unpossible.   ; )

[MaybeACoordinator 8,349]

One thing I learned in my college years working in the restaurant biz. It doesn't matter how popular your place is, if the owner gets into cocaine, he's gonna start tapping the hostesses, and then the wife will find out, and soon all of you will be out of a job.

We had this one coke-whore hostess who the police came to get while she was at the front door. She tried to take off through the whole restaurant with two of Nashville's finest in hot pursuit, and they got her in the small dining room. (This was a white tablecloth house restaurant.) She never would have made it through the kitchen, which was staffed by real-deal Afghani mujahideen, who did not care much for strumpets like her. They fired this girl I was just about to bang because she stole two stainless steel soup spoons and I never saw her again.  

When the hostess got tackled, her purse went flying and she had three or four choice little filets fresh from the walk-in in there. 

 

Edited June 8, 2018 by MaybeACoordinator

[Bill Brasky 1,449]

13 hours ago, skipperj said:

Name one pizza that cooks in an oven in 90 seconds.

*obligatory Auschwitz joke* 

[Longboard Horn 40,325]

@DoobieWah you want restaurant hilarity correct? Well here’s a gem from tonight. 

A couple has placed their food order and the lady orders a Manhattan. I bring it to her and they continue to enjoy their meals. Later on, she orders another. After I bring it to her, she says, “I didn’t realize that my husband is almost done with his meal. Can I have that Manhattan in a to go cup?” Before I can answer, her husband looks up and yells, “Woman! Are you crazy?!” She looks dumbfounded. I snicker some and then explain to her that open alcohol carry is illegal in the state of Texas. She responds with, “really it is? I didn’t know that.” Her husband responds with, “are you foolish?” And as she becomes frustrated with him by stating that she didn’t know that law, the last thing I hear him say is, “we live Texas. How do you NOT know that law?!” 

Long story short, she finished her second Manhattan quickly and they tipped me well. Plus, I got a good laugh. 

[luke duke 6,413]

Tell it again.

[RollLeft 5,045]

On 5/24/2018 at 1:42 PM, Fred Willard said:

Pizza boy in high school and summer and winter breaks in college. I ring the bell and two lesbians answer (can’t remember if it was a large sausage). They ask if I can come in and help them with their Xmas tree. I hesitantly agree. 

They ask me to help them trim up the bottom of the tree. I say, ok where are the pruners? They scurry around for a bit and bring back a dull steak knife. Well I get to work with that knife and these gals are climbing all over me “helping” to pull back limbs while I saw away. I finish up and they tip me 20 bucks.

Not penthouse forums. These were some 50 yr old bull dikes. No boner had. 

You have a problem knowing when to stop don't you.

[RollLeft 5,045]

I worked at Sonic for a few weeks in High School.  A mom in a mini van, full of HS kids, pulled up five minutes before closing and ordered for everyone with changes to every item.  The assistant manager cooked the burgers in the fryer, as not to dirty the already cleaned flat iron, and then salted them on the filthy floors for good measure.   The burgers with extra lettuce got some extra nose lettuce.  That night he taught me to never pull up on a drive thru right before close.  I got my next paycheck and never went to that Sonic again.  

[PatrickMcHorn 376]

I worked in restaurants throughout HS and college.  A few of my stories:

• I worked at a place on Lake Travis and would pick up shifts at others.  It was a revolving door of employees moving from Iguana Grill to Oasis to Carlos and Charlies, to...servers in particular would go on a bender, get fired from one, then hired at another, and by the time they made it through the cycle the place they started at wouldn't remember them.  When new busboys would start we'd send them over to one of the other restaurants at the beginning of the shift to get something that the other restaurant had supposedly borrowed.  Typically like a chicken stretcher, glass magnet, left handed spatula.  Things that, you know, didn't exist.  They'd get to the restaurant that had borrowed it, and they'd inevitably tell the poor kid that a third place now had it.  The new busboy would spend half an hour driving around the lake only to figure out that what they were supposed to go get didn't exist.  It took some longer than others.
• Similarly, we'd tell them that at dusk they're responsible for taking the US flag down.  A few different people would mention it, then they'd be walking around the parking lot aimlessly looking for it (there isn't a U.S. flag) after sunset.  When we could get managers involved, yelling and screaming about why a flag hadn't been taken down yet, it was a bonus.  
• Customers... Lots of just drunk assholes that have been mentioned by others.  I've also been the recipient of the "Jesus loves you" tips more than a few times.  There's something about the places on the lake, and how they serve margaritas in plastic tumblers that makes people think it's ok to just walk out with a 3/4 full margarita.  It's a phenomenon I've never seen that much elsewhere, but more times than I could count I'd have to chase someone down in the parking lot and make them chug 6 ounces of margaritas before they took a cup with our phone number half full for a spin around lakeway.  The look on their face was always this one of shock as though because they're within 400 yard of a body of water they should be allowed to just take alcohol past the signs that say "No alcohol beyond this point" and get in and take a drive.  

[Errestaurants 2,570]

Been in the restaurant business my whole life. Nobody can party harder than restaurant people. plenty of times in my life I've gone to work in the morning in the dark and left work the next day in the dark. 

[DoobieWah 1,443]

16 hours ago, Errestaurants said:

Been in the restaurant business my whole life. Nobody can party harder than restaurant people. plenty of times in my life I've gone to work in the morning in the dark and left work the next day in the dark.

Then this is the thread to up your post count.

 

Dish!

(N.P.I.)

[Longboard Horn 40,325]

Craziest shit went down tonight at the restaurant. This lady, who has come in a few times, and is also never satisfied with anything, showed up. She loves to complain and give servers a hard time. Anyways, she had a free appetizer card and a voucher for $25 off her meal. Long story short, she orders a water, an appetizer, and a salad. She says that she wants her salad out before the appetizer. No problem. However, they both come out at the same time and she throws a bitch fit claiming, "this isn't cool! I feel like I'm being rushed. I don't like that! Blah blah blah... I wanna talk to a manager." Our managers on duty go speak to her and she bitches so to shut her up they comp her meal (not surprised at all). 

Anyways, she's bitching about the food (which she didn't like) and the customer service all because her appetizer and salad came at the same time and I offered to take her salad back to the kitchen and bring her a fresh one when she finished her appetizer. My cousin, who is sitting at the next table puts her in her place. He tells her how obnoxious and rude she's being and then asks me in front of her, "hey Longboard, what's the definition of a customer?" I respond with "someone who pays for goods and services." My cousin exclaims rather loudly, "Bingo!" Then turns to the lady and exclaims, "you didn't pay for any of that food,  and you bitched about it so that it would be comped. So therefore, you're NOT a customer! You're someone who came in with the intention of receiving a free handout. Also, stop bitching about your appetizer. You can't get something for free and then bitch about it later!" 

She is shocked and then says something to him. He responds with, "I used to wait tables and patrons like you are why I quit. You wanna do that shit, go to Applebee's."

I walked back to the kitchen holding in my laughter. 

[Orange&White 5,528]

I worked at a semi-nice place once and there was a strict policy of no separate checks at dinner. (Allowed at lunch).

One Friday morning, a woman called to set a reservation for an 8 top at 7:00 PM Friday night. She stated that they would need separate checks. 8 Guests, 8 separate checks. 

Hostess who answers that phones informs her that our policy is to not do separate checks. Woman argues for a while then hangs up.

She proceeds to call back four more times through the lunch rush and afternoon trying to get another voice on the phone that will tell her that the separate checks are OK, everyone that answers reinforces the policy.

7:15 rolls around and they arrive. She immediately;y tells the hostess that they will be receiving separate checks, and the hostess reiterates that it is not our policy but that she could speak to the manager.

As the fucking non English speaking busboy is filling their water, she is still harping about separate checks.

By this time, every fucking employee has already been informed about this woman.

I get to the table to introduce myself and take drink orders and, to no ones surprise, she starts telling me about the separate checks. Under any normal circumstances, I would have honored her request because I was a pretty kick ass server and could multitask and get it done with no issues. However, in this case, there wasn't a chance in hell she was getting this. So, I directed her to our manager, who already knew this conversation was going to happen.

He introduced himself and started walking towards our bar area and told her to walk with him. As she is bitching and moaning and berating, he is walking and then arriving at a the corner of the bar where the phone and phone book sat. As she continued bitching, he was thumbing through the yellow pages and barely paying attention to her other than an occasional nod.

Finally, furiously, she asks, "What are you doing? You're not even listening to me".

Second greatest manager response to a pissy customer I ever saw. ( I'll tell the best in a second post)

When she finally stopped talking, the manager said, " You've been told no fewer than eight times today that we do not separate checks at dinner, yet you have called back and demanded it and bothered everyone here tonight as well. I am sure that there are other restaurants in this town that will honor your requests, so why don't you and I go through this phone book and make some calls and find a place for you to have dinner tonight because we don't need you to be unhappy and we'd like to have that 8 top table for guests that will be happy".

She ended up staying and they paid a single check.

[Orange&White 5,528]

Best Manager/Owner response to bitchy customer ever.

There used to be a place on the drag back in the early 2000's called "Ray's Steakhouse". It was a nice, expensive steakhouse owned by Ray LeMay. My GF at the time worked there.

Ray was a very, very, very large man. Think Mark Mangino. Ray was also an asshole of the highest caliber. He also used to sit at the bar every night and have drinks while the shift was going on to kinda keep an eye on things. He wasn't the manager, per se, but he wanted to be there to know what was up.

At the restaurant, there was a small private room that could be reserved (for a fee) for private events. If there was no reservation, it would be sat with two 8tops, or four 4tops.

During the Holiday season, the restaurant was very popular and nearly always packed every night.

At some point, someone reserved an 8top table and requested to sit in the little room. They never asked for it to be ONLY them in the room and they certainly did not pay to reserve the entire room. They just made a reservation and requested a table in the small room.

When they arrived, the got to their table and immediately asked why there was another 8top in the room. The manager explained the reasons and apologized for the confusion, but that they simply had requested a table in the room and that the room is designed for more than a single table, and that it is AVAILABLE for private parties at a cost. That seems to be an adequate answer and they all sit down.

As the dinner is getting started, the continue to complain to the busser, the waiter, and everyone else that will listen that they were SUPPOSED to have had the room to themselves. During all of that they also ordered two bottles of wine.

Finally, the story gets back to Ray so he starts paying attention from his perch on the bar. After a while and seeing the party get more and more upset towards the staff, Ray walks over to the table.

He then pulls out his wallet, grabs out 2 $100 bills and throws them in the middle of table and says, "My staff has gone over the issue with this room with you several times and it appears you are not going to be happy. That two hundred bucks should probably cover the cost of those the bottles of wine, now get the fuck out of my restaurant."

Edited October 10, 2018 by Orange&White

[BurdineBandit 815]

You delivered.

[Longboard Horn 40,325]

On 10/10/2018 at 7:44 AM, Orange&White said:

Best Manager/Owner response to bitchy customer ever.

There used to be a place on the drag back in the early 2000's called "Ray's Steakhouse". It was a nice, expensive steakhouse owned by Ray LeMay. My GF at the time worked there.

Ray was a very, very, very large man. Think Mark Mangino. Ray was also an asshole of the highest caliber. He also used to sit at the bar every night and have drinks while the shift was going on to kinda keep an eye on things. He wasn't the manager, per se, but he wanted to be there to know what was up.

At the restaurant, there was a small private room that could be reserved (for a fee) for private events. If there was no reservation, it would be sat with two 8tops, or four 4tops.

During the Holiday season, the restaurant was very popular and nearly always packed every night.

At some point, someone reserved an 8top table and requested to sit in the little room. They never asked for it to be ONLY them in the room and they certainly did not pay to reserve the entire room. They just made a reservation and requested a table in the small room.

When they arrived, the got to their table and immediately asked why there was another 8top in the room. The manager explained the reasons and apologized for the confusion, but that they simply had requested a table in the room and that the room is designed for more than a single table, and that it is AVAILABLE for private parties at a cost. That seems to be an adequate answer and they all sit down.

As the dinner is getting started, the continue to complain to the busser, the waiter, and everyone else that will listen that they were SUPPOSED to have had the room to themselves. During all of that they also ordered two bottles of wine.

Finally, the story gets back to Ray so he starts paying attention from his perch on the bar. After a while and seeing the party get more and more upset towards the staff, Ray walks over to the table.

He then pulls out his wallet, grabs out 2 $100 bills and throws them in the middle of table and says, "My staff has gone over the issue with this room with you several times and it appears you are not going to be happy. That two hundred bucks should probably cover the cost of those the bottles of wine, now get the fuck out of my restaurant."

Best owner ever! I would love to work for this guy. He gets it!

[WhatTheBuck 28,783]

On October 10, 2018 at 1:00 AM, Longboard Horn said:

Craziest shit went down tonight at the restaurant. This lady, who has come in a few times, and is also never satisfied with anything, showed up. She loves to complain and give servers a hard time. Anyways, she had a free appetizer card and a voucher for $25 off her meal. Long story short, she orders a water, an appetizer, and a salad. She says that she wants her salad out before the appetizer. No problem. However, they both come out at the same time and she throws a bitch fit claiming, "this isn't cool! I feel like I'm being rushed. I don't like that! Blah blah blah... I wanna talk to a manager." Our managers on duty go speak to her and she bitches so to shut her up they comp her meal (not surprised at all). 

Anyways, she's bitching about the food (which she didn't like) and the customer service all because her appetizer and salad came at the same time and I offered to take her salad back to the kitchen and bring her a fresh one when she finished her appetizer. My cousin, who is sitting at the next table puts her in her place. He tells her how obnoxious and rude she's being and then asks me in front of her, "hey Longboard, what's the definition of a customer?" I respond with "someone who pays for goods and services." My cousin exclaims rather loudly, "Bingo!" Then turns to the lady and exclaims, "you didn't pay for any of that food,  and you bitched about it so that it would be comped. So therefore, you're NOT a customer! You're someone who came in with the intention of receiving a free handout. Also, stop bitching about your appetizer. You can't get something for free and then bitch about it later!" 

She is shocked and then says something to him. He responds with, "I used to wait tables and patrons like you are why I quit. You wanna do that shit, go to Applebee's."

I walked back to the kitchen holding in my laughter. 

She asks for her salad before the appetizer but they come at the same time. And she has the nerve to complain? Fuck her, right?

You say she loves to complain. Do you always fuck up her order?