Longboard Horn's Thread for Restaurant Employee Hilarity

[Longboard Horn 40514]

8 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

She asks for her salad before the appetizer but they come at the same time. And she has the nerve to complain? Fuck her, right?

You say she loves to complain. Do you always fuck up her order?

No because usually she orders a salad as soon as she sits down. I’ve had her twice now. The first time she complained was because the salad had too little dressing. I brought her extra on the side. After she put it on, she then complained about there being “too much” dressing. Nothing can please that lady.

[idahorn 26]

Summer of '68 I worked at a donut shop on the Chef Menteur highway just East of New Orleans.  Owner and manager refused to give the night man (me) their phone numbers in case of a problem; the back door was a screen and there was no lock.  One night I went to this moldy shed out back to get a bag of cake donut mix -100 lb.  With the bag on my back I walked back.  The 10 watt bulb did not reveal to me that a board had fallen off the wall and left a rusty nail sticking up; it went into my left foot right near the little toe.  Bleeding like a stuck hog, I went back into the shop.  I tried to finish up my work on the next day's donuts but spent too much time trying to mop up the blood.  Couldn't  call anyone, so finally I put my foot up on the sink to stop the bleeding- I was getting a little faint.

About an hour before my shift was over, two US Army veterinarians showed up (they were doing a food service inspection).  The owner was trying to get a contract to provide donuts to Navy ships docked in New Orleans and these guys were doing a check on sanitary conditions.  The place looked like and abattoir. They were not impressed.  One of them marked a big "0" on the inspection checklist and asked me to give that to Mr. Sticker (the owner).  They also offered to help, but said they had no First Aid kit.

Sometimes when it is cold and damp, I'll get a twinge

Quote

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[NeverMarryAStripper 21921]

I'm sure there is a good reason why the US Army uses veterinarians to inspect food service locations, but I can't seem to figure it out.  Maybe it's because they no longer have horses and there wasn't anything else for the vets to do.

Edited October 29, 2018 by NeverMarryAStripper

[GringoSalado 1652]

Our old large animal vet, now retired, is a food safety nazi. I can't take him anywhere. I'm sure he'd kill it as a food safety inspector.

[Longboard Horn 40514]

Just got a long text message from my cousin who works at Wendy's. He's 17 and in high school, mind you.

Cousin: I just stuck it to work tonight bro

Me: What did you do/say?

Cousin: So, there will be 2 people on close for Dining and Drive-thru tomorrow... oops. 2 managers left without getting their shit done, one during a rush, and the one that left during rush is who’s closing, so I said fuck it! I’m not working with her. My favorite manager broke down, and said this is her last week, so I said, I’m out with you... this WILL be my last week. And I left the dining room A MESS for this girl that I HATE! 

Me: All that hates gonna burn you up, kid. 

[Longboard Horn 40514]

Since I still work in seafood and it is lent, meaning that my shop is packed on Fridays because people must eat fish, bumping this thread with a few new stories over the last couple weeks.

Last night: 

Customer sitting on the patio: What beers do you have on draft?

Me (just to name a few): I have Lakewood IPA, Dallas Blonde, Peticolas "Irish Goodbye" which is a red ale...

Customer: Do you have Stone IPA?

Me: No we don't. 

Customer: Will you ever have it?

Me: Not anytime soon. Since I'm never tried Stone IPA, could you tell me what you like about it or why it's a good beer?

Customer: I like the tap handle.

Me: .........

 

Wednesday night: 

Earlier in the day a lady calls us asking to reserve a few tables. We explain to her that we do not take reservations and that it's first come first serve. She tells us that she understands. Later during dinner shift around 7 (when we're packed) she shows up with 10 people asking why we didn't reserve two tables for her party. We inform her that we told her that we don't take reservations when we talked to her earlier and her response was, "Oh, I didn't know y'all were serious." 

 

 

[Pato del Muerto 52598]

My stepbrother did a few years as a server at Copeland’s. I suspect he has a story or two. 

[Longboard Horn 40514]

 

[orangecat92 306]

On 5/23/2018 at 1:44 PM, Kyrie Eleison said:

worked at a Luby's back in the day.  we had a lady on the line who was Korean...and she absolutely hated Vietnamese people with passion that rivaled the heat of a thousand suns.  if it were somewhat slow and a Vietnamese person or family was coming up she'd walk off the line.  she called them "dog people."  this is Port Arthur, mind you, so there's a big Viet population.

one particular day it was hot and heavy...long line, loud and worst of all late in the day and we were tired.  the Korean lady has her head down and not paying attention, she looks up and there's a Vietnamese family right in front of her.  the look of disgust is burned in my memory.

so they tell her what she wants, she repeats it back, and neither can understand each other's broken ass English.  she'd grab the spoon for something and the Viets would raise hell "NO! NO! NO!  DAH (translation: "THAT")!  the manager and i we're watching this racist shitshow unfold and busting out laughing.

after about the third time the Korean lady had enough of that shit and started screaming at them, so they scream back...each in their native tongue.  and finally Korea has enough, grabs a spoon full of macaroni and cheese and flings that shit at the customers somewhere close to the speed of light....hard enough to stick to the wall behind them and just over the head of some poor coonass who was also laughing.

thus ended the career of Korean Luby's line-lady.

Worked in Lubys management for 8.5 years. Love your story.  Here is one from Corpus Christi, old man boss was tightest sob I ever saw.  Wouldn’t allow new plates to be used, they might break, we would run out of trays on regular basis, etc.  I was assistant manager, number 1 server is Josie.  Btw this boss set the company record for high salary in 1985, $300,000.  Typical day, 1996, and Josie is serving meat as usual.  I come through the kitchen door and Josie is cutting roast beef and a cockroach appears on the counter.  Without skipping a beat, Josie plants the non business end of the tongs firmly onto the cockroaches back, he’s dead, she quickly wipes him off the counter toward me, and resumes cutting meat.  Josie was a star.  The year I worked at that store the old man was unhappy, cried all of the way to the bank, worked 2 days a week, and only made about $230,000.  

He wanted $300k.  

[orangecat92 306]

Here’s a better one.  I’m now associate manager, different store in corpus.  Newer store, typical church crowd, Sunday afternoon.  A fight breaks out in the dining room, two women, one utilized a ketchup bottle as a weapon.  Pulling hair etc.  I called 911, but our assistant manager had experience in a bar, so he attempted to break it up.  Regular customer was large African American, detective, think bodybuilder type. He heard the call, appeared very quickly, and dragged his wife out of there. Yep, other woman vs. wife dressed in Sunday best.  

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

On 10/16/2018 at 3:53 AM, WhatTheBuck said:

She asks for her salad before the appetizer but they come at the same time. And she has the nerve to complain? Fuck her, right?

You say she loves to complain. Do you always fuck up her order?

Yeah it's supposed to work that way (and I don't like it either) but they guy said he'd take it back, and bring her a new one after the appetizer. That wasn't good enough for her, she didn't need to become an asshole, which is what it sounds like she did.  It was usually the women that were the assholes. Little power pays in their heads I believe.

[kmac30 416]

Where are all the sex stories? My college girl friend worked at Steak and Ale during holidays and summers. All she ever talked about was how everyone was sleeping with each other. She was probably the ring leader.

[ChickenSandwich 9852]

2 hours ago, kmac30 said:

Where are all the sex stories? My college girl friend worked at Steak and Ale during holidays and summers. All she ever talked about was how everyone was sleeping with each other. She was probably the ring leader.

Slut and Ale is an establishment I’d frequent. 

[Brisketexan 105335]

2 hours ago, kmac30 said:

Where are all the sex stories? My college girl friend worked at Steak and Ale during holidays and summers. All she ever talked about was how everyone was sleeping with each other. She was probably the ring leader.

It was 30 years ago for me, but that was definitely the order of the day in the restaurant world.  And there was even cross-pollination -- after shifts ended at a couple of other nearby places, all the waitstaff from the area restaurants would congregate at the place that had the bar open the latest (Bennigans was one of those with a late bar hour).  So the waitstaff from Red Lobster would hook up with people from the Blackeyed Pea and whatnot.  Hormones were high, standards were low, alcohol was flowing.

[luke duke 6414]

47 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

 Hormones were high, standards were low, alcohol was flowing.

Surly tailgate?

[!!!HOTDOGS!!! 31]

1 minute ago, luke duke said:

Surly motto?

FIFY

[Longboard Horn 40514]

2 hours ago, kmac30 said:

Where are all the sex stories? My college girl friend worked at Steak and Ale during holidays and summers. All she ever talked about was how everyone was sleeping with each other. She was probably the ring leader.

You want sex stories, here’s a few.

Pappadeaux 2013: our kitchen manager was fucking one of our FOH managers. They eventually broke up because she made up some excuse. Anyways, KM starts fooling around with one of our banquet servers and eventually impregnated her. Corporate office finds out and transfers him to another store. I was at the bar with him and a few coworkers right this happened. We ask him how the new location is. First thing he tells us, “the first question I was asked was ‘aren’t you the KM that knocked up a server?’ Fucking gossips!” Also, when I asked our FOH manager why she broke up with him she truthfully told me it was due to the fact that he gave her the clap. 

2017: I had a one night stand with a bar tender from Blue Goose Cantina. Nothing more. Fast forward to a few months later, I ended up hooking up with a girl from Dodie’s. Afterwards as I’m walking out of her bedroom who walks in the door? You guessed it, the girl I fucked from Blue Goose. I had no idea she was that other chicks roommate.

*Morgan Freeman voice*: it was then Longboard knew he fucked up

[DoobieWah 1460]

 

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

I will heartily endorse the "everyone should have food service experience" platform. Teaches you all you need to know about people.

Two stories, two generations:

One of my 1,001 jobs in college was as a grill cook for the Jester Snack Bar. 11:00 one night, Butch Hadnot ambles up to the counter, and stares at the menu for three minutes. I know it was three minutes, because the waffle guy in the next line completed an order from start to finish. Hadnot finally turns his glazed eyes from the menu and he says, "Fries: what's the difference between a small and a large?" My coworker at the counter doesn't miss a beat: "Size."

Fast forward to this past year, my daughter was working at Star Cinema Grill (picture Alamo Drafthouse if it were crossed with TGI Friday's... a real aggy kind of place). So, Jimbo treats his team to a night at the movies pretty regularly, and she hates it, because they never tip well, they throw popcorn at each other for two hours, and expect special treatment. One guy asked her on her last night there, "Can I get an Icee for the price of a coke?" She just smiled, and said: "Sure! All you have to do is transfer to a real college, get a real degree, and buy your own theater!"

Papa was so proud. Sniff!

[Underdog 28773]

On 6/10/2019 at 7:12 PM, Brisketexan said:

It was 30 years ago for me, but that was definitely the order of the day in the restaurant world.  And there was even cross-pollination -- after shifts ended at a couple of other nearby places, all the waitstaff from the area restaurants would congregate at the place that had the bar open the latest (Bennigans was one of those with a late bar hour).  So the waitstaff from Red Lobster would hook up with people from the Blackeyed Pea and whatnot.  Hormones were high, standards were low, alcohol was flowing.

Brings back memories of old Church’s / GW Jrs days off Wm Cannon/Manchaca, all 3 of us in mngmt at church’s we’re hooked up co- workers, Peter in payroll sort of stuff. 

[Longboard Horn 40514]

So last night a lady orders a scallop pasta through Uber Eats around 5:30. The Uber Eats driver shows up and pays for it around 5:50-6pm. Two hours later, the lady calls the restaurant informing us that she never got her order and was questioning whether or not we sent it through. Our girl who works to go, and out bar tenders all confirm that Uber Eats came and paid for it, showing the managers the receipt. Lady demands that we replace her order and we inform her that she’ll have to contact Uber Eats about it. Damn, that Uber Eats driver bought her food and ate it himself. 

[WhatTheBuck 28798]

The Uber Eats seal of approval. Our food is so good, you'll never receive your order. 

[Longboard Horn 40514]

While at work tonight, I’m serving 4 ladies who want a martini. 
Them: what do y’all use that vodka grapefruit that’s on your shelf for? 
Me: well... to drink I hope

[WBT 20669]

Should have said 400% markup

[High Plains Drifter 11052]

On 12/6/2019 at 2:14 PM, Longboard Horn said:

So last night a lady orders a scallop pasta through Uber Eats around 5:30. The Uber Eats driver shows up and pays for it around 5:50-6pm. Two hours later, the lady calls the restaurant informing us that she never got her order and was questioning whether or not we sent it through. Our girl who works to go, and out bar tenders all confirm that Uber Eats came and paid for it, showing the managers the receipt. Lady demands that we replace her order and we inform her that she’ll have to contact Uber Eats about it. Damn, that Uber Eats driver bought her food and ate it himself. 

 

Odds that the uber eat driver was stoned out of his socks?

[Longboard Horn 40514]

Here's a csb: back when I worked at Pappadeaux, my coworker and good friend, Mark, had a lady who was a regular of his who also happened to be Deandre Jordan's cousin. So, whenever the Clippers were in town to play the Rockets, Deandre Jordan, along with a few other Clippers players would come in and always request Mark. Of course he made bank off of them! Everyone was always jealous. 

Anyways, here's Mark with Deandre Jordan and Matt Barnes. I believe this was fall of 2013.

  

[RPM 26354]

On 6/10/2019 at 6:12 PM, Brisketexan said:

It was 30 years ago for me, but that was definitely the order of the day in the restaurant world.  And there was even cross-pollination -- after shifts ended at a couple of other nearby places, all the waitstaff from the area restaurants would congregate at the place that had the bar open the latest (Bennigans was one of those with a late bar hour).  So the waitstaff from Red Lobster would hook up with people from the Blackeyed Pea and whatnot.  Hormones were high, standards were low, alcohol was flowing.

Same here. I was Asst. Mgr, bartender and DJ at a place in Graham for a couple years. There was one other fairly popular bar/restaurant in town and all our staff hung out together after work, usually at someone's house or at the lake. I had a permanent room in the hotel and it came in handy on multiple occasions. We burned through a lot of waitresses.

[Longboard Horn 40514]

Now that we're back at 100%, bumping this thread.

I work in seafood and last night was a Good Friday for us, no pun intended. Anyway, I bring the bill to my last table (they asked to pay for their own items) and one of the ladies looks at hers and asks, "if this all mine?!" It was 57 bucks. She had 2 dozen oysters, 3 cocktails, and an entrée.  I tell her yes and then she gets belligerent and says, "well I should get a cocktail for free if I'm having to pay this much!" I tell her no. Then she asks if she can have one to go(we do certain margaritas and other cocktails to go) and I tell her yes, but I'll have to add it to her bill. Then she says, "Oh, I don't want it if I have to pay for it. Can't it be on you?" I ask her if she's joking and if she's out of her mind. Then she rambles on how she has 4 kids and her sister has 2 kids and blah blah blah. Her sister asks her what that has to do with anything. Her mother has a disturbed look on her face and is embarrassed. She then tells her, "honey, if you don't want to pay for higher priced food, then why the hell did you come out to eat with us?" She left me 60 bucks. Her sister and mother left me a decent tip on their tab and apologized for her behavior.  

[royiv 9355]

Where the hell do you work that you can have 2 dozen oysters, 3 cocktails and an entree for 57 bucks? That seems insanely cheap. Let's say $1.50/oyster, that's $36. $12/cocktail, that's $36 additional. Add an entree for $25 and you're at $97 plus tax. This woman should have been thrilled at how cheap she got all of that food and booze for.

[Longboard Horn 40514]

1 hour ago, royiv said:

Where the hell do you work that you can have 2 dozen oysters, 3 cocktails and an entree for 57 bucks? That seems insanely cheap. Let's say $1.50/oyster, that's $36. $12/cocktail, that's $36 additional. Add an entree for $25 and you're at $97 plus tax. This woman should have been thrilled at how cheap she got all of that food and booze for.

Gulf oysters were on happy hour all day price for $1 per oyster. So instead of $17.99 for a full dozen, it was $12. Also, her salad was only $9.99  and the cocktails were $8 each. 

Edited April 3, 2021 by Longboard Horn

[horn4life 3783]

First off you can make some pretty good coin in the service industry.  But there three things that suck: the freebie hunters, the aways fucking bad tippers. and the I would kick your dog A-holes.  Oftentimes there is a sadistic meld of all of the above.  

Bad Tippers are a fucking disease.  They KNOW they are fucking the server over, but don't care.  They want the dining out experience without paying the reasonable toll for doing so.

The Freebie hunters are almost always part of the bad tipper pool.  They just want to try and game the system somehow.  It's the push it up to the manager, and let them deal with it.  But short pouring drinks is and art and from where I was this oftentimes will take care of these first two categories.

The last one is the Asshole -  Here is the deal with the asshole... IT's not YOU!!!  It might be you occasionally, but that's honestly the rarity in the situation.  they hate their job, their wife, their girlfriend, dog, mom or whatever the fuck has pissed them off on that particular day, and you unfortunately are in a subservient position without any power.  They know this, and in their sad little world this is their singular moment to feel some power.  The only coping mechanism I had (besides short pours 😉  ) was realizing their life was still gonna suck when they got up and left.  Mine.... was gonna get a lot fucking better... when they got up and left.

EVERYONE should work in the service industry restaurants or retail will get you the same A-hole management experiences.  This goes like triple for, spoiled ass little rich kids.  Too bad most of their parents are too oblivious to this, because of the "perfection" of their little one.  But honestly it would be one of the best things ever they did for their child long term. 

Time to cue up the movie "Waiting..."

[horn4life 3783]

1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

Gulf oysters were on happy hour all day price for $1 per oyster. So instead of $17.99 for a full dozen, it was $12. Also, her salad was only $9.99  and the cocktails were $8 each. 

And PM where the fuck this is if it's in Austin.  I'm happy as hell to pay a buck a dozen, tip well,  have good BS, and like service industry folks.  I've shucked two boxes at home in the last three weeks.

This is my bartender's and waiter's parting prayer when I am often tabbing out and things are getting busier... "May your assholes be few!"  The secret is having the good luck of minimizing the numerical asshole aspect.

Edited April 3, 2021 by horn4life

[RollLeft 5045]

1 hour ago, horn4life said:

And PM where the fuck this is if it's in Austin.  I'm happy as hell to pay a buck a dozen, tip well,  have good BS, and like service industry folks.  I've shucked two boxes at home in the last three weeks.

This is my bartender's and waiter's parting prayer when I am often tabbing out and things are getting busier... "May your assholes be few!"  The secret is having the good luck of minimizing the numerical asshole aspect.

HEB when its open.

[Longboard Horn 40514]

10 hours ago, horn4life said:

And PM where the fuck this is if it's in Austin.  I'm happy as hell to pay a buck a dozen, tip well,  have good BS, and like service industry folks.  I've shucked two boxes at home in the last three weeks.

This is my bartender's and waiter's parting prayer when I am often tabbing out and things are getting busier... "May your assholes be few!"  The secret is having the good luck of minimizing the numerical asshole aspect.

This is in Plano

[horn4life 3783]

11 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

This is in Plano

I figured it wasn't Austin, but was sort of hoping for Houston since I roll through there every so often... Plano.. Oh No! 😉 Thanks Though! 

[gyroprotagonist 2595]

On 4/3/2021 at 8:37 AM, Longboard Horn said:

Now that we're back at 100%, bumping this thread.

I work in seafood and last night was a Good Friday for us, no pun intended. Anyway, I bring the bill to my last table (they asked to pay for their own items) and one of the ladies looks at hers and asks, "if this all mine?!" It was 57 bucks. She had 2 dozen oysters, 3 cocktails, and an entrée.  I tell her yes and then she gets belligerent and says, "well I should get a cocktail for free if I'm having to pay this much!" I tell her no. Then she asks if she can have one to go(we do certain margaritas and other cocktails to go) and I tell her yes, but I'll have to add it to her bill. Then she says, "Oh, I don't want it if I have to pay for it. Can't it be on you?" I ask her if she's joking and if she's out of her mind. Then she rambles on how she has 4 kids and her sister has 2 kids and blah blah blah. Her sister asks her what that has to do with anything. Her mother has a disturbed look on her face and is embarrassed. She then tells her, "honey, if you don't want to pay for higher priced food, then why the hell did you come out to eat with us?" She left me 60 bucks. Her sister and mother left me a decent tip on their tab and apologized for her behavior.  

should have told her that it's every 5 kids that people get a free drink.  sooo close.

[Longboard Horn 40514]

BUMP:

Drama happened yesterday. One of our girls(who always calls out and isn't reliable) called one of our managers and was screaming at her asking why she only has one shift this next week. She was complaining about not working on Thursdays like normal and our manager tells her, "one you're not reliable and two you always call out or give away your shift to someone else." Then the girl says that she does that because of *insert excuses here* and then threatens to just call our GM. Our scheduling manager tells her, "okay, you do that!" and hangs up on her. Then she shows up at the shop crying in the middle of lunch shift causing a scene so the GM and other managers take her out back and talk to her. She plays the victim by saying, "y'all don't care about me, nobody cares about me or what's going on in my life, blah blah blah...." They respond by telling her that we don't know what's going on with her because she doesn't talk to anyone and is never here at work; also that this a business, not a therapy center and that usually whatever goes on in your personal life is no one else's business unless you feel like sharing it. She then announces that she's quitting since she can't get what she wants and storms out. We were all perfectly okay with this because our bar manager has been wanting to fire her. This just sped up the process. It's not like we needed her. Honestly it's all for the best. She was a huge liability and not an asset. 

[WhatTheBuck 28798]

Is she cute?

[ChickenSandwich 9852]

Bless the servers working Christmas Eve for those who just have to get out of the house and have a drink and  bite. 
 

100% tip. Worth every penny