Dumbass Shit We See On Facebook

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

Just now, royiv said:

Couldn't you build an enclosure for the snail and contain it without touching or killing it? 

I'd build you one for 9 million dollars 

[SurlyBDR 22,776]

[SurlyBDR 22,776]

[SHOOTER12 8,801]

53 minutes ago, SurlyBDR said:

Dammit...truth...

[SurlyBDR 22,776]

[Surly Bevo 24,908]

Is the snail limited only to it’s own locomotion or can it hitch rides? If it’s the former I’m moving to Hawaii and thanks for the 10 million.  

Edited July 15, 2022 by Surly Bevo

[SurlyBDR 22,776]

[Kwix 2,186]

Can I trap the snail in a box? 

[Born to Run 6,569]

I'd probably kill myself within 5 minutes having to go on a date with someone like that. 

I actually like that level of honesty and self awareness, just not my type at all, hard pass.

[futureman 22,453]

5 hours ago, Surly Bevo said:

Is the snail limited only to it’s own locomotion or can it hitch rides? If it’s the former I’m moving to Hawaii and thanks for the 10 million.  

yeah but what would you do for money after that first year?

[Longboard Horn 40,302]

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

[thunderlounge 7,816]

10 hours ago, royiv said:

Couldn't you build an enclosure for the snail and contain it without touching or killing it? 

Take a mil, build a house with a salt moat. 
 

 

9 hours ago, Surly Bevo said:

Is the snail limited only to it’s own locomotion or can it hitch rides? If it’s the former I’m moving to Hawaii and thanks for the 10 million.  

Think about it. That snail  ain’t springing to get out of coach. Even if it douches out and gets on with the disabled folks he still probably isn’t making it to the door before it closes.

If by some miracle he does, think he’ll make it off?

Wouldn’t matter. I can’t kill it, but someone else will see it and take care of it anyway. Just hang out in a classy joint and some chick will freak out and pour salt on it for me.

[Born Burnt 6,177]

1 minute ago, thunderlounge said:

Take a mil, build a house with a salt moat. 
 

 

Think about it. That snail  ain’t springing to get out of coach. Even if it douches out and gets on with the disabled folks he still probably isn’t making it to the door before it closes.

If by some miracle he does, think he’ll make it off?

Wouldn’t matter. I can’t kill it, but someone else will see it and take care of it anyway. Just hang out in a classy joint and some chick will freak out and pour salt on it for me.

Titties, snails and former quarterbacks. These are the things Surly obsesses over.

[MAUFRAIS 6,623]

[purplepride95 6,890]

 

Edited July 15, 2022 by purplepride95

[purplepride95 6,890]

 

Edited July 15, 2022 by purplepride95

[purplepride95 6,890]

 

Edited July 15, 2022 by purplepride95

[purplepride95 6,890]

[thunderlounge 7,816]

30 minutes ago, Born Burnt said:

Titties, snails and former quarterbacks. These are the things Surly obsesses over.

You are absolutely right. 
 

It has been a pretty slow and uneventful off season. 

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

[Hate 20,108]

1 hour ago, MAUFRAIS said:

Mmmm...Bernadette Peters. 

[Vegas64 673]

14 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

 

[Covri 6,247]

2 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Take a mil, build a house with a salt moat. 
 

 

Think about it. That snail  ain’t springing to get out of coach. Even if it douches out and gets on with the disabled folks he still probably isn’t making it to the door before it closes.

If by some miracle he does, think he’ll make it off?

Wouldn’t matter. I can’t kill it, but someone else will see it and take care of it anyway. Just hang out in a classy joint and some chick will freak out and pour salt on it for me.

[closetohumping 17,440]

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

1 minute ago, closetohumping said:

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

Or he's carrying because he always does. Judging by his hair, he's there to get the same products y'all are. He's not there to shoot up the place.

 

Edited July 15, 2022 by Vic Mackey

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

[nnm 36,365]

4 hours ago, Born Burnt said:

Titties, snails and former quarterbacks. These are the things Surly obsesses over.

 

[ButtFumble 5,172]

 

 

Edited July 15, 2022 by ButtFumble

[ButtFumble 5,172]

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

1 hour ago, ButtFumble said:

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,899]

1 hour ago, Vic Mackey said:

I'm pretty sure the Babe is already gone, so I guess he's it

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

 

Edited July 15, 2022 by Vic Mackey

[thunderlounge 7,816]

28 minutes ago, Vic Mackey said:

 

Some cocksuckers just want to watch the world burn. 

[Prepuce of Doom 21,066]

According to this screencap I managed to snag off the National Geographic website before the paywall popup obscured it, a snail's average speed is 0.03 MPH. 

Assuming that our Murdersnail is average and is not Archie, that works out to 0.044 feet per second, 2.64 feet per minute, or 158.4 feet per hour. It would take a snail approximately 33.3 hours to travel a mile if moving nonstop. 

If you had a house in New York and a house in LA (2789 miles apart), it would take the snail 3,874.16 days (10.6 years) to make the trip.  Time two cross country flights just right, and you can avoid that asshole for 30 years. 

Anyone who ends up being killed by the snail was too stupid to trust with $10, let alone $10m.

Edited July 15, 2022 by Prepuce of Doom

[tbone_ 14,115]

You ain’t getting a house in LA and NYC for no 10mil

[Surly Bevo 24,908]

You ain’t getting a house in LA and NYC for no 10mil

Sacramento and Newark it is then.

[USNALonghorn 5,078]

Or you can have a friend take the snail to Antarctica and drop it off there. It’ll freeze there and be permanently immobilized.

[kingkoopa6 8,349]

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

[Vic Mackey 47,025]

[ButtFumble 5,172]

[Fudbelty 2,788]

Username and shit.

[tbone_ 14,115]

The snail thing is bullshit. For that dilemma to really be meaningful it should be $100M and 4 ninjas that are chasing you. But you get a 3 day head start.

[Prepuce of Doom 21,066]

$100m and *all* snails after you would be interesting.