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Dumbass Shit We See On Facebook

Vic Mackey

By Vic Mackey
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The young woman who submitted the tech support message below (about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself. The tech support people's love advice was hilarious and genius!  The query:
 
Dear Tech Support,  Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
 
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
 
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?  Signed: Desperate
 
 
The response (that came weeks later out of the blue)…
 
Dear Desperate, First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.  Please enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
 
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the Tears application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download Snoring Loudly Beta version.
 
Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.  In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
 
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0.
 
Good Luck Tech Support 😆😆😆😆
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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21102

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11 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

I'd make the kid eat 1 can a day until they were all gone.

Yep. Lunch to be eaten at school - send the kid with a can, a can opener, and a spork. Tell them that they must eat a can of food for lunch, and if they don't, more consequences. 

After 3-4 days of this, some evening, ask them what they had for lunch that day and which of their friends they sat with. 

Then immediately call that friend and ask them what was in today's can. If the answers aren't the same, then your kid has been throwing the cans away at school without opening them. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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