Dumbass Shit We See On Facebook

[Vic Mackey 47027]

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[Vic Mackey 47027]

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[Prepuce of Doom 21069]

32 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

Good start, but…

Take jar to arctic/antarctic, fill with water. Place jar inside a non-insulating, signal blocking, bag. Bury in secret somewhere in the frozen tundra where it cannot be found.

Snail gets put in suspended animation, no way out. Can’t call nobody, can’t get out.

 

 

 

 

Not like he can sign the withdrawal slip either.

Still a snail. Can’t talk, can’t write, can’t put things like a wallet in his pocket.

So forge the signature and take his $10M too. 

Yeah, if this snail can somehow effectively communicate with humans without exhausting its $10m, then this becomes a slightly more challenging enterprise.  Doubly so if the snail is literate and can independently figure out how to most effectively stow away on ships and aircraft. 

Edited May 29, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom

[SurlyBDR 22777]

[General Specific 3256]

Yeah, if this snail can somehow effectively communicate with humans without exhausting its $10m, then this becomes a slightly more challenging enterprise.  Doubly so if the snail is literate and can independently figure out how to most effectively stow away on ships and aircraft. 

But what if one becomes like Andy Dufresne, and vanishes like a fart in the wind? What do you gotta say to that, fancy britches?

[General Specific 3256]

Mom?

[GoPokes83 2240]

Easiest challenge ever. Find snail. Put this over the snail:



Seal it to the ground. Put another larger one over that, bolted to the ground. Hire a guy to check on it every month. If it shows any signs of weakening, replace it. Or shit, hire a guy to catch it and put it in a welded shut metal box - after all, it’s immortal, you can’t kill it. Don’t even need to leave air holes.

Relax in your villa wherever. It’s a fucking snail. Cage it and be done with it.

Easiest challenge ever. Find snail. Put this over the snail:



Seal it to the ground. Put another larger one over that, bolted to the ground. Hire a guy to check on it every month. If it shows any signs of weakening, replace it. Or shit, hire a guy to catch it and put it in a welded shut metal box - after all, it’s immortal, you can’t kill it. Don’t even need to leave air holes.

Relax in your villa wherever. It’s a fucking snail. Cage it and be done with it.

Instead of going through all that just have the hired guy stomp on it. Rules say you can’t, didn’t specify anything about a designated booter!

[956 Worldwide 34705]

Global warming can ruin the tundra idea. 
 

Pay someone to cast the snail into a sphere of molten hot silver. Smaller the better, a little one maybe golf ball style. Take a trans-Pacific cruise and drop it into the Marianas Trench. You’re on geological time now. 

[956 Worldwide 34705]

50 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Yeah, if this snail can somehow effectively communicate with humans without exhausting its $10m, then this becomes a slightly more challenging enterprise.  Doubly so if the snail is literate and can independently figure out how to most effectively stow away on ships and aircraft. 

I reject this premise, if you ascribe literacy and communication and real intelligence to the snail then this basically becomes a challenge of how to avoid getting killed by a hit-man who has a 10 mill bankroll backing him up.  Snail hires a rando to give you a back-pat with snail in the hand. Game over. It’s not a fun exercise anymore. It’s just an exercise in being a crazy recluse obsessed with only letting people you trust close to you. 

[thunderlounge 7817]

53 minutes ago, General Specific said:

But what if one becomes like Andy Dufresne, and vanishes like a fart in the wind? What do you gotta say to that, fuzzy britches?

fify

 

 

19 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Global warming can ruin the tundra idea. 
 

Pay someone to cast the snail into a sphere of molten hot silver. Smaller the better, a little one maybe golf ball style. Take a trans-Pacific cruise and drop it into the Marianas Trench. You’re on geological time now. 

 

If it were more square spike shaped, and driven into the bottom, ok.

You don’t want that ball rolling around.

You also don’t want the water to corrode the material past the point of failure.

However I would think that in the time it would theoretically take for  the poles to be melted completely, and at significant depth, the human race would have advanced enough to fix that problem. 
 

Then again, have you seen the idiots on social media? Maybe not. Trench may be better. 

[Marfa Low Crown 2546]

[956 Worldwide 34705]

11 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

fify

 

 

 

If it were more square spike shaped, and driven into the bottom, ok.

You don’t want that ball rolling around.

You also don’t want the water to corrode the material past the point of failure.

However I would think that in the time it would theoretically take for  the poles to be melted completely, and at significant depth, the human race would have advanced enough to fix that problem. 
 

Then again, have you seen the idiots on social media? Maybe not. Trench may be better. 

Hmm, it seems silver corrodes faster than I thought in seawater.  Some sort of sealed ceramic weight, irregular shape might be better. And place that inside something to cushion it on the way down to the sea floor so it doesn’t break. I’m not worried about it moving too much once it’s at the bottom. 
 

Trying to balance out the cost here, as driving spikes into the sea floor will eat up my budget. 

[Kwix 2186]

1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Global warming can ruin the tundra idea. 
 

Pay someone to cast the snail into a sphere of molten hot silver. Smaller the better, a little one maybe golf ball style. Take a trans-Pacific cruise and drop it into the Marianas Trench. You’re on geological time now. 

I don't know, at some point after a few thousand years you might want the snail.  Best not to have it completely out of reach.

[Longboard Horn 40314]

[SurlyBDR 22777]

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

15 minutes ago, Kwix said:

I don't know, at some point after a few thousand years you might want the snail.  Best not to have it completely out of reach.

Exactly, even if a few thousand years are still fun eventually all human life will end and the Earth will be destroyed by the sun and you will just be floating out in space for eternity.

[futureman 22454]

is it the bureau of motor vehicles in some states? 

[ztejas 43419]

6 minutes ago, futureman said:

is it the bureau of motor vehicles in some states? 

I think so. I saw that same abbreviation recently. 

[Vic Mackey 47027]

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[Born Burnt 6177]

4 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Just spent your time island-hopping all over the world, literally and figuratively. Spend some summers in Iceland, others in Ushuaia. Falls in Tokyo and Amsterdam. Springs in Chicago and Auckland. No more than 2-4 months in the same place. Etc., etc. 

Where do you go when the sun engulfs the earth in about 7.5 billion years?

[futureman 22454]

yeah one of my favorite hypotheticals is simply would you choose eternal life or not?  because at some point it becomes a curse and you would lose your mind and want to die.  if you truly think about it you have to say no.  reminds me a bit of “the jaunt” by stephen king.  it would become the most awful torture you could ever imagine.  so take your 70-80 years and die peacefully. 

[gofuckyourself 8216]

13 minutes ago, Born Burnt said:

Where do you go when the sun engulfs the earth in about 7.5 billion years?

I have a nice "no more summer" home on Ceti Alpha VI. Bought it sight unseen but sounded nice.

[Prepuce of Doom 21069]

18 minutes ago, Born Burnt said:

Where do you go when the sun engulfs the earth in about 7.5 billion years?

If we haven't figured out how to escape the planet in 7.5 billion years, I'll allow the snail to catch me. 

[Richard Kimball 1494]

3 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

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Their superintendent got kicked out of a football game last year. He walked out to the middle of the field to argue a call on a two point attempt. Ref talked to him, told him to go to sidelines, then finally threw a flag. He kept arguing, ref threw another flag. He started shouting. Ref threw his hat, and coaches had to come out and escort him off the field. Marlin had to kick off from their own five. Marlin's a different kind of town. 

[Vic Mackey 47027]

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[ztejas 43419]

20 minutes ago, Vic Mackey said:

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Brian. Obviously. Snoopy for 2nd.

[tfoolry 8210]

[jetsfan76 711]

1 hour ago, Richard Kimball said:

Their superintendent got kicked out of a football game last year. He walked out to the middle of the field to argue a call on a two point attempt. Ref talked to him, told him to go to sidelines, then finally threw a flag. He kept arguing, ref threw another flag. He started shouting. Ref threw his hat, and coaches had to come out and escort him off the field. Marlin had to kick off from their own five. Marlin's a different kind of town. 

I read that a lot of the failures were due to absences, which Marlin tried to combat with a 4 day school week. Guess that didn't work our for them.

[Rudiger 1162]

4 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Global warming can ruin the tundra idea. 
 

Pay someone to cast the snail into a sphere of molten hot silver. Smaller the better, a little one maybe golf ball style. Take a trans-Pacific cruise and drop it into the Marianas Trench. You’re on geological time now. 

Why not just cast/encase it in a metal square and keep it with you? The bastard ain’t going anywhere, and you can release him when you’re finally ready to check out. 

[thunderlounge 7817]

3 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

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I’ll fish, corn, cornbread, mac n cheese, and salad.

Since it’s non-specific on actual ingredients, the menu ends up:

- catfish (flathead, specifically)

- grilled corn

- hush puppies

- loaded mac n cheese

- wilted spinich salad w/ strawberries and pecans

 

[nnm 36369]

2 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

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Snoopy first, Goofy and Clifford last. Definitely Clifford last. Nobody’s got time to pick up that amount of dog poop. And the Jar Jar Binks quality of Goofy would get old in half a second. 

[Vic Mackey 47027]

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[nnm 36369]

 

#2 FTW

[Vic Mackey 47027]

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[futureman 22454]

1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

I’ll fish, corn, cornbread, mac n cheese, and salad.

Since it’s non-specific on actual ingredients, the menu ends up:

- catfish (flathead, specifically)

- grilled corn

- hush puppies

- loaded mac n cheese

- wilted spinich salad w/ strawberries and pecans

 

you’re not getting good value on that mac-n-chee

[Kennythetiger 9380]

9 minutes ago, futureman said:

you’re not getting good value on that mac-n-chee

You’d rather play wiffleball?  

[Vic Mackey 47027]

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[thunderlounge 7817]

35 minutes ago, futureman said:

you’re not getting good value on that mac-n-chee

When I take it off the smoker you’ll change your mind.

 

[Vic Mackey 47027]

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[Born to Run 6569]

Brian. Obviously. Snoopy for 2nd.

Plot Twist hot shot.

Scooby scored all the weed, lacking opposable thumbs, he relied on the gang to turn into his weed into snacks he could eat. He couldn't roll his own joints.

Counterpoint he's lazy, and these days of edibles errwhere the gang is no longer necessary, so you better be cool af.

[Born to Run 6569]

Snoopy first, Goofy and Clifford last. Definitely Clifford last. Nobody’s got time to pick up that amount of dog poop. And the Jar Jar Binks quality of Goofy would get old in half a second. 

Plus Minnie is fucking Goofy. Gotta be loyal; bros before hoes.

[Born to Run 6569]

You’d rather play wiffleball?  

Yes, my stuff is gnarly on the mound and I can hit like Babe Ruth.

[Prepuce of Doom 21069]

2 hours ago, nnm said:

Snoopy first, Goofy and Clifford last. Definitely Clifford last. Nobody’s got time to pick up that amount of dog poop. And the Jar Jar Binks quality of Goofy would get old in half a second. 

Brain from Inspector Gadget. 

 

[Longboard Horn 40314]

[WithoutAClue 15354]

[Longboard Horn 40314]

 

[Longboard Horn 40314]

[Longboard Horn 40314]

[Kennythetiger 9380]

1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

 

I don’t think so. 

[SquishMitten 10403]

That's a lot of Ole Miss frat bros for a Duke/ND game