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Dumbass Shit We See On Facebook

Vic Mackey

By Vic Mackey
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Crapinon
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What the hell does she influence? The tides?

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Posted
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4 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Absolutely ridiculous. Homie needs to dump her ass. She only sees him as an ATM machine. Who the fuck makes their SO pay for 18 people? Unless he invited them all, he doesn't have to pay for shit!

 

I ain’t sayin she’s a gold digger…

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8709

Posted
Posted
47 minutes ago, futureman said:

what is a “full stop”?

 

Ending a sentence with a period.

My daughters (no pics) comment on my use of punctuation in text messages.  I think I'll start using "over" and "over and out" to see if they like that better.

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thunderlounge

thunderlounge 7894

Posted
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9 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

Ending a sentence with a period.

My daughters (no pics) comment on my use of punctuation in text messages.  I think I'll start using "over" and "over and out" to see if they like that better.


 

Even better, send them a voice message with you making a static noise and saying over. 
 

 

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markstanco

markstanco 12586

Posted
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1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:


 

Even better, send them a voice message with you making a static noise and saying over. 
 

 

VMs dont get listened to these days.  My missed call notification is the VM to my boys. 

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Born to Run

Born to Run 6569

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Posted
Absolutely ridiculous. Homie needs to dump her ass. She only sees him as an ATM machine. Who the fuck makes their SO pay for 18 people? Unless he invited them all, he doesn't have to pay for shit!
 
Hoes be tripping, my homie had a nice exit on his business and is basically retired. Invited me to a concert that he had extra tickets for after another couple bailed. I was only marginally interested to begin with, but decided to go. I bought all his drinks to thank him, which was a lot of dough as they can drink. He sent me a venmo request to pay for the fucking tickets. Assholes.

But Keep yo money player.
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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

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What fucking publication is that from?  

You'd appreciate this Armybrat being from the bronze age ;)  

csb/ years ago, when hyper-sensitivity was sweeping through campus...I innocuously said a few times in a lecture "you guys should know this" or "you guys should read up that."  And a student told me that "you guys" is an offensive term because it's gender exclusive.  I apologized and explained it's a term that I grew up with in Chicago and that my mother uses it to this day.  She said "that's no excuse, people from other generations use offensive terms and that doesn't make it okay."  So I tried to cool the tension and said, "May I just refer to you all as Ustedes instead?"  She said it's wrong of me to culturally appropriate other languages to deflect from the issue at hand. So in Spanish, I told her to take a look at this expedited entry card I have on me issued to me by the Mexican Consulate/SRE and that my mother is from Mexico and my first language is Spanish...don't let my name fool you.  We were both being assholes, to be honest.  And I think I was really hungover IIRC (8:00a section).  but eventually everybody had a laugh at something I said to defuse and we had a great set of presentations. 

Don't get me wrong, some adjunct lecturer walks in with a double bourbon and a cigar and says, "Any of you broads or skirts know how to do math?"  I want my daughter to kick him in the nuts and report him to the Dean.  But a period at the end of a text or a handy catch-all term for the students?  Come the fuck on.  It's way less condescending than addressing them with my hands clutched like, "Now class, what is the difference between  recourse debt and non-recourse debt?"  I'm not some 1880's schoolmarm.  /csb 

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nnm

nnm 36481

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Posted
14 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

What fucking publication is that from?  

You'd appreciate this Armybrat being from the bronze age ;)  

csb/ years ago, when hyper-sensitivity was sweeping through campus...I innocuously said a few times in a lecture "you guys should know this" or "you guys should read up that."  And a student told me that "you guys" is an offensive term because it's gender exclusive.  I apologized and explained it's a term that I grew up with in Chicago and that my mother uses it to this day.  She said "that's no excuse, people from other generations use offensive terms and that doesn't make it okay."  So I tried to cool the tension and said, "May I just refer to you all as Ustedes instead?"  She said it's wrong of me to culturally appropriate other languages to deflect from the issue at hand. So in Spanish, I told her to take a look at this expedited entry card I have on me issued to me by the Mexican Consulate/SRE and that my mother is from Mexico and my first language is Spanish...don't let my name fool you.  We were both being assholes, to be honest.  And I think I was really hungover IIRC (8:00a section).  but eventually everybody had a laugh at something I said to defuse and we had a great set of presentations. 

Don't get me wrong, some adjunct lecturer walks in with a double bourbon and a cigar and says, "Any of you broads or skirts know how to do math?"  I want my daughter to kick him in the nuts and report him to the Dean.  But a period at the end of a text or a handy catch-all term for the students?  Come the fuck on.  It's way less condescending than addressing them with my hands clutched like, "Now class, what is the difference between  recourse debt and non-recourse debt?"  I'm not some 1880's schoolmarm.  /csb 

giphy.gif?cid=6c09b952luotjkkwuaaoy5wm3i

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nnm

nnm 36481

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9 hours ago, qwertyu1234 said:

I'm one of those weird people who uses commas, periods and the like in my texts. 🤷‍♂️

But not the Oxford comma. 
tutors-oxford-comma-connection.jpg

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, nnm said:

IMG_2629.thumb.jpeg.a4127688b08b50b6a26f88f9e240c42a.jpeg

I don't know if I subconsciously said something one day to my oldest.  But as a kid, one of my intellectual preoccupations was trying to figure out how certain waning signs/labels came to be?  I didn't understand at that young age that most are the result of some codicil of a class action lawsuit to prevent future damages.  But I would make up stories in my head about what had to have transpired to lead to that warning sign/notice.  But a few days ago, we're walking through Lowe's and there was some sign about the forklift battery in the lawn section.  And she just riffed on why somebody would want to touch a forklift battery with wet hands.  And I thought of that Akryod sketch on SNL where he's selling toys, "Hey kid, be careful...broken glass!"  And in one instant i was so proud of her inquisitive reasoning, remembering that sketch, and thinking back to my childhood tendency to figure out what led to signs like these.  And I just cracked up and saw right into the center of creation.  But turns out the fucking mulch as not the advertised sale price, dammit!  

10 minutes ago, Gene Parmesan said:

I never do pizza delivery but aren't potential tips dolled out at the exchange?  Or is that not a thing with anymore?

Most people that order delivery just add the tip to the app/online order.  It's a weird spot though because I like to give the young person a few bucks so they get to keep it to themselves.  But there's still a tip field on the online order, and if I zero it out but am planning to give him cash when he brings the pizzas...they may feel like I'm a cheap jerk.  I just order it for the girls on the app now and go pick it up since it's not far and they get a kick of me ringing the doorbell with a napkin over my arm like I'm a delivery guy.  But yeah, for 50 years, you called, they came, you gave cash, and that was that.  It's a whole other Rube Goldberg thing nowadays.  

Plus in honor of your name---when I tip in cash at the door...they give me extra parmesan cheese.  

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Elvis

Elvis 3371

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, YGIFS said:

What fucking publication is that from?  

You'd appreciate this Armybrat being from the bronze age ;)  

csb/ years ago, when hyper-sensitivity was sweeping through campus...I innocuously said a few times in a lecture "you guys should know this" or "you guys should read up that."  And a student told me that "you guys" is an offensive term because it's gender exclusive.  I apologized and explained it's a term that I grew up with in Chicago and that my mother uses it to this day.  She said "that's no excuse, people from other generations use offensive terms and that doesn't make it okay."  So I tried to cool the tension and said, "May I just refer to you all as Ustedes instead?"  She said it's wrong of me to culturally appropriate other languages to deflect from the issue at hand. So in Spanish, I told her to take a look at this expedited entry card I have on me issued to me by the Mexican Consulate/SRE and that my mother is from Mexico and my first language is Spanish...don't let my name fool you.  We were both being assholes, to be honest.  And I think I was really hungover IIRC (8:00a section).  but eventually everybody had a laugh at something I said to defuse and we had a great set of presentations. 

Don't get me wrong, some adjunct lecturer walks in with a double bourbon and a cigar and says, "Any of you broads or skirts know how to do math?"  I want my daughter to kick him in the nuts and report him to the Dean.  But a period at the end of a text or a handy catch-all term for the students?  Come the fuck on.  It's way less condescending than addressing them with my hands clutched like, "Now class, what is the difference between  recourse debt and non-recourse debt?"  I'm not some 1880's schoolmarm.  /csb 

"Y'all" works just fine where I come from and every where I go.

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

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2 minutes ago, Elvis said:

"Y'all" works just fine where I come from and every where I go.

I use that all the time here in Texas, it's really the only 'local term' I've picked up after living here almost 30 years.  I try not to use it when traveling though, along with " you guys" because one gives me away as a Texan on the Coasts and the other gives me away as a Chicagoan/Yankee to you native Texans.  I have done radio broadcasting specifically because my voice is non-geographically specific, along with voiceover work, reading for the blind, etc.  And my vernacular is generic and fungible to the situation.  I don't use colloquial terminology.  But I've learned my Spanish accent is annoying as fuck to Mexicans.  

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21098

Posted
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, YGIFS said:

I don't know if I subconsciously said something one day to my oldest.  But as a kid, one of my intellectual preoccupations was trying to figure out how certain waning signs/labels came to be?  I didn't understand at that young age that most are the result of some codicil of a class action lawsuit to prevent future damages.  But I would make up stories in my head about what had to have transpired to lead to that warning sign/notice.  But a few days ago, we're walking through Lowe's and there was some sign about the forklift battery in the lawn section.  And she just riffed on why somebody would want to touch a forklift battery with wet hands.  And I thought of that Akryod sketch on SNL where he's selling toys, "Hey kid, be careful...broken glass!"  And in one instant i was so proud of her inquisitive reasoning, remembering that sketch, and thinking back to my childhood tendency to figure out what led to signs like these.  And I just cracked up and saw right into the center of creation.  But turns out the fucking mulch as not the advertised sale price, dammit!  

 

I have always been interested in perusing a comprehensive collection of the strangest, silliest, and most fucked up warning stickers featuring that one generic humanoid that's always getting fucked up in exciting and novel ways.

He's the world's biggest moron, and yet, he's apparently indestructible. 

 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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