Dumbass Shit We See On Facebook

[Longboard Horn 41386]

[WithoutAClue 16207]

[WithoutAClue 16207]

[SurlyBDR 23214]

[tbone_ 14461]

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Old school toaster

[Rudiger 1181]

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

Old school toaster

I guess that’s why it says toaster on the side. 

[Longboard Horn 41386]

[Longboard Horn 41386]

[Longboard Horn 41386]

Mesquite, Seagoville, Wolfe City, Balch Springs, Quinlan

[SurlyBDR 23214]

[SurlyBDR 23214]

[Vic Mackey 48019]

And that kid was the daughter of Albert Einstein

[DigglerontheHoof 21563]

Daddy’s goin’ to hell for ripping up Jebus.

[Texzilla58 4795]

That ash tray on the door was fucking sneaky.

A fraternity brother drove a 76 Coupe dVille. It had 7 fucking cigarette lighters.

[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[Kennythetiger 9655]

On 5/27/2023 at 12:15 AM, Vic Mackey said:

05 Horns. None of the other 3 had VY.

05 Horns, but it’s the last belt they’d see until their children have children. 

[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[Vic Mackey 48019]

Agreed

[Prepuce of Doom 21295]

43 minutes ago, Vic Mackey said:

Agreed

Good idea, but there needs to be some sort of failsafe to prevent shithead teens from repeatedly going up and down the rows and pressing every pissbutton in sparsely-attended theaters. 

[thunderlounge 8464]

The seats could have a weight sensor, set for maybe 30lbs. That trips a timer that won’t allow the piss button for at least 10 minutes of seat time. 

[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[SurlyBDR 23214]

[futureman 22718]

1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

The seats could have a weight sensor, set for maybe 30lbs. That trips a timer that won’t allow the piss button for at least 10 minutes of seat time. 

holy shit, man, you solved it!

[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[GoPokes83 2249]

Good idea, but there needs to be some sort of failsafe to prevent shithead teens from repeatedly going up and down the rows and pressing every pissbutton in sparsely-attended theaters. 

Old school had this covered. I remember Peperage Farms and intermission

[GoPokes83 2249]

Put the fucking snail in a jar with a lid and get to investing that casharino. We’re not fighting chimps here!

[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[Longboard Horn 41386]

[Vic Mackey 48019]

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[futureman 22718]

it's important that you know where the snail is when it starts.  if you don't know where it is, you'll never know how close or far away it is, you'll never be able to relax, and you'll end up blowing your brains out all over the pacific.

[Grade of D as in David 13256]

5 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

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Seems like a win win for me. I get 10 million bucks and immortality until I randomly run into this snail assassin. So downside is I die tomorrow and leave 10M extra to the fam, or I live for thousands of years compounding by 10 million annually and while I keep getting older they stay the same age, until finally in an unsuspecting moment the snail gets me. Basically still don't know exactly when I will die, but unlike Groundhog Day, you know it finally ends when the snail randomly gets you.

[956 Worldwide 35601]

On 5/27/2023 at 7:15 AM, Vic Mackey said:

05 Horns. None of the other 3 had VY.

I’d seed them:

1. Texas, 2. Miami, 3. FSU, 4. Gator

I don’t know why Florida gets the nod. They even had a loss that year. If we’re talking BCS teams I’d like to see, I’d list 2010 Auburn, 2002 Ohio State, 1999 Florida State, or even 1999 OU ahead of them. 

2005 Texas vs. 2001 Miami would be a hell of a game. For that matter, a Young-Newton matchup is far more compelling than Teebus. 

[Longboard Horn 41386]

[Kennythetiger 9655]

12 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

Agreed

My wife would still skip the intermission and then have to use the restroom five minutes after the movie starts back up. 

[SurlyBDR 23214]

[Chooky 13341]

12 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Good idea, but there needs to be some sort of failsafe to prevent shithead teens from repeatedly going up and down the rows and pressing every pissbutton in sparsely-attended theaters. 

Pos rep specifically for "pissbutton."

[futureman 22718]

54 minutes ago, SurlyBDR said:

yeah that’s for checking under the hood.  duh

[Bullneck 19560]

On 5/27/2023 at 12:48 PM, WithoutAClue said:

FOX6 UPDATE!!!

[Brisketexan 107008]

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Easiest challenge ever. Find snail. Put this over the snail:



Seal it to the ground. Put another larger one over that, bolted to the ground. Hire a guy to check on it every month. If it shows any signs of weakening, replace it. Or shit, hire a guy to catch it and put it in a welded shut metal box - after all, it’s immortal, you can’t kill it. Don’t even need to leave air holes.

Relax in your villa wherever. It’s a fucking snail. Cage it and be done with it.

[Longboard Horn 41386]

[Prepuce of Doom 21295]

The average snail locomotes at 0.03 mph. A nonstop redlining snail covers about 3/4 of a mile per day. As long as you don't get unlucky by accidentally traveling to very close to where he already is, you should be perpetually fine. 

Just spent your time island-hopping all over the world, literally and figuratively. Spend some summers in Iceland, others in Ushuaia. Falls in Tokyo and Amsterdam. Springs in Chicago and Auckland. No more than 2-4 months in the same place. Etc., etc. 

Eventually, your carbon footprint from avoiding the snail will singlehandedly doom the planet. 

Edited May 29, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom

[General Specific 3508]

The seats could have a weight sensor, set for maybe 30lbs. That trips a timer that won’t allow the piss button for at least 10 minutes of seat time. 

You left out, if not all your requirements are met, the button shocks the piss out of you for a false press!

[General Specific 3508]

Or, a more simple solution;

[futureman 22718]

41 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Easiest challenge ever. Find snail. Put this over the snail:



Seal it to the ground. Put another larger one over that, bolted to the ground. Hire a guy to check on it every month. If it shows any signs of weakening, replace it. Or shit, hire a guy to catch it and put it in a welded shut metal box - after all, it’s immortal, you can’t kill it. Don’t even need to leave air holes.

Relax in your villa wherever. It’s a fucking snail. Cage it and be done with it.

did you not read the edit?  snail has $10MM to use and he’ll hire someone to unlock him.  

[Brisketexan 107008]

did you not read the edit?  snail has $10MM to use and he’ll hire someone to unlock him.  

How? Snails can’t talk. His $10 million will just be sitting in the bank, never used.
Duh.

[thunderlounge 8464]

13 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Put the fucking snail in a jar with a lid and get to investing that casharino. We’re not fighting chimps here!

Good start, but…

Take jar to arctic/antarctic, fill with water. Place jar inside a non-insulating, signal blocking, bag. Bury in secret somewhere in the frozen tundra where it cannot be found.

Snail gets put in suspended animation, no way out. Can’t call nobody, can’t get out.

 

 

 

25 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

How? Snails can’t talk. His $10 million will just be sitting in the bank, never used.
Duh.

 

Not like he can sign the withdrawal slip either.

Still a snail. Can’t talk, can’t write, can’t put things like a wallet in his pocket.

So forge the signature and take his $10M too.