Dumbass Shit We See On Facebook

[Vic Mackey 48029]

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[Vic Mackey 48029]

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[Prepuce of Doom 21296]

32 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

Good start, but…

Take jar to arctic/antarctic, fill with water. Place jar inside a non-insulating, signal blocking, bag. Bury in secret somewhere in the frozen tundra where it cannot be found.

Snail gets put in suspended animation, no way out. Can’t call nobody, can’t get out.

 

 

 

 

Not like he can sign the withdrawal slip either.

Still a snail. Can’t talk, can’t write, can’t put things like a wallet in his pocket.

So forge the signature and take his $10M too. 

Yeah, if this snail can somehow effectively communicate with humans without exhausting its $10m, then this becomes a slightly more challenging enterprise.  Doubly so if the snail is literate and can independently figure out how to most effectively stow away on ships and aircraft. 

Edited May 29, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom

[SurlyBDR 23234]

[General Specific 3508]

Yeah, if this snail can somehow effectively communicate with humans without exhausting its $10m, then this becomes a slightly more challenging enterprise.  Doubly so if the snail is literate and can independently figure out how to most effectively stow away on ships and aircraft. 

But what if one becomes like Andy Dufresne, and vanishes like a fart in the wind? What do you gotta say to that, fancy britches?

[General Specific 3508]

Mom?

[GoPokes83 2249]

Easiest challenge ever. Find snail. Put this over the snail:



Seal it to the ground. Put another larger one over that, bolted to the ground. Hire a guy to check on it every month. If it shows any signs of weakening, replace it. Or shit, hire a guy to catch it and put it in a welded shut metal box - after all, it’s immortal, you can’t kill it. Don’t even need to leave air holes.

Relax in your villa wherever. It’s a fucking snail. Cage it and be done with it.

Easiest challenge ever. Find snail. Put this over the snail:



Seal it to the ground. Put another larger one over that, bolted to the ground. Hire a guy to check on it every month. If it shows any signs of weakening, replace it. Or shit, hire a guy to catch it and put it in a welded shut metal box - after all, it’s immortal, you can’t kill it. Don’t even need to leave air holes.

Relax in your villa wherever. It’s a fucking snail. Cage it and be done with it.

Instead of going through all that just have the hired guy stomp on it. Rules say you can’t, didn’t specify anything about a designated booter!

[956 Worldwide 35601]

Global warming can ruin the tundra idea. 
 

Pay someone to cast the snail into a sphere of molten hot silver. Smaller the better, a little one maybe golf ball style. Take a trans-Pacific cruise and drop it into the Marianas Trench. You’re on geological time now. 

[956 Worldwide 35601]

50 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Yeah, if this snail can somehow effectively communicate with humans without exhausting its $10m, then this becomes a slightly more challenging enterprise.  Doubly so if the snail is literate and can independently figure out how to most effectively stow away on ships and aircraft. 

I reject this premise, if you ascribe literacy and communication and real intelligence to the snail then this basically becomes a challenge of how to avoid getting killed by a hit-man who has a 10 mill bankroll backing him up.  Snail hires a rando to give you a back-pat with snail in the hand. Game over. It’s not a fun exercise anymore. It’s just an exercise in being a crazy recluse obsessed with only letting people you trust close to you. 

[thunderlounge 8471]

53 minutes ago, General Specific said:

But what if one becomes like Andy Dufresne, and vanishes like a fart in the wind? What do you gotta say to that, fuzzy britches?

fify

 

 

19 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Global warming can ruin the tundra idea. 
 

Pay someone to cast the snail into a sphere of molten hot silver. Smaller the better, a little one maybe golf ball style. Take a trans-Pacific cruise and drop it into the Marianas Trench. You’re on geological time now. 

 

If it were more square spike shaped, and driven into the bottom, ok.

You don’t want that ball rolling around.

You also don’t want the water to corrode the material past the point of failure.

However I would think that in the time it would theoretically take for  the poles to be melted completely, and at significant depth, the human race would have advanced enough to fix that problem. 
 

Then again, have you seen the idiots on social media? Maybe not. Trench may be better. 

[Marfa Low Crown 2564]

[956 Worldwide 35601]

11 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

fify

 

 

 

If it were more square spike shaped, and driven into the bottom, ok.

You don’t want that ball rolling around.

You also don’t want the water to corrode the material past the point of failure.

However I would think that in the time it would theoretically take for  the poles to be melted completely, and at significant depth, the human race would have advanced enough to fix that problem. 
 

Then again, have you seen the idiots on social media? Maybe not. Trench may be better. 

Hmm, it seems silver corrodes faster than I thought in seawater.  Some sort of sealed ceramic weight, irregular shape might be better. And place that inside something to cushion it on the way down to the sea floor so it doesn’t break. I’m not worried about it moving too much once it’s at the bottom. 
 

Trying to balance out the cost here, as driving spikes into the sea floor will eat up my budget. 

[Kwix 2497]

1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Global warming can ruin the tundra idea. 
 

Pay someone to cast the snail into a sphere of molten hot silver. Smaller the better, a little one maybe golf ball style. Take a trans-Pacific cruise and drop it into the Marianas Trench. You’re on geological time now. 

I don't know, at some point after a few thousand years you might want the snail.  Best not to have it completely out of reach.

[Longboard Horn 41396]

[SurlyBDR 23234]

[Grade of D as in David 13256]

15 minutes ago, Kwix said:

I don't know, at some point after a few thousand years you might want the snail.  Best not to have it completely out of reach.

Exactly, even if a few thousand years are still fun eventually all human life will end and the Earth will be destroyed by the sun and you will just be floating out in space for eternity.

[futureman 22719]

is it the bureau of motor vehicles in some states? 

[ztejas 44285]

6 minutes ago, futureman said:

is it the bureau of motor vehicles in some states? 

I think so. I saw that same abbreviation recently. 

[Vic Mackey 48029]

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[Born Burnt 6276]

4 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Just spent your time island-hopping all over the world, literally and figuratively. Spend some summers in Iceland, others in Ushuaia. Falls in Tokyo and Amsterdam. Springs in Chicago and Auckland. No more than 2-4 months in the same place. Etc., etc. 

Where do you go when the sun engulfs the earth in about 7.5 billion years?

[futureman 22719]

yeah one of my favorite hypotheticals is simply would you choose eternal life or not?  because at some point it becomes a curse and you would lose your mind and want to die.  if you truly think about it you have to say no.  reminds me a bit of “the jaunt” by stephen king.  it would become the most awful torture you could ever imagine.  so take your 70-80 years and die peacefully. 

[gofuckyourself 9095]

13 minutes ago, Born Burnt said:

Where do you go when the sun engulfs the earth in about 7.5 billion years?

I have a nice "no more summer" home on Ceti Alpha VI. Bought it sight unseen but sounded nice.

[Prepuce of Doom 21296]

18 minutes ago, Born Burnt said:

Where do you go when the sun engulfs the earth in about 7.5 billion years?

If we haven't figured out how to escape the planet in 7.5 billion years, I'll allow the snail to catch me. 

[Richard Kimball 1523]

3 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

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Their superintendent got kicked out of a football game last year. He walked out to the middle of the field to argue a call on a two point attempt. Ref talked to him, told him to go to sidelines, then finally threw a flag. He kept arguing, ref threw another flag. He started shouting. Ref threw his hat, and coaches had to come out and escort him off the field. Marlin had to kick off from their own five. Marlin's a different kind of town. 

[Vic Mackey 48029]

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[ztejas 44285]

20 minutes ago, Vic Mackey said:

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Brian. Obviously. Snoopy for 2nd.

[tfoolry 8361]

[jetsfan76 794]

1 hour ago, Richard Kimball said:

Their superintendent got kicked out of a football game last year. He walked out to the middle of the field to argue a call on a two point attempt. Ref talked to him, told him to go to sidelines, then finally threw a flag. He kept arguing, ref threw another flag. He started shouting. Ref threw his hat, and coaches had to come out and escort him off the field. Marlin had to kick off from their own five. Marlin's a different kind of town. 

I read that a lot of the failures were due to absences, which Marlin tried to combat with a 4 day school week. Guess that didn't work our for them.

[Rudiger 1181]

4 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Global warming can ruin the tundra idea. 
 

Pay someone to cast the snail into a sphere of molten hot silver. Smaller the better, a little one maybe golf ball style. Take a trans-Pacific cruise and drop it into the Marianas Trench. You’re on geological time now. 

Why not just cast/encase it in a metal square and keep it with you? The bastard ain’t going anywhere, and you can release him when you’re finally ready to check out. 

[thunderlounge 8471]

3 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

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I’ll fish, corn, cornbread, mac n cheese, and salad.

Since it’s non-specific on actual ingredients, the menu ends up:

- catfish (flathead, specifically)

- grilled corn

- hush puppies

- loaded mac n cheese

- wilted spinich salad w/ strawberries and pecans

 

[nnm 38000]

2 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

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Snoopy first, Goofy and Clifford last. Definitely Clifford last. Nobody’s got time to pick up that amount of dog poop. And the Jar Jar Binks quality of Goofy would get old in half a second. 

[Vic Mackey 48029]

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[nnm 38000]

 

#2 FTW

[Vic Mackey 48029]

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[futureman 22719]

1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

I’ll fish, corn, cornbread, mac n cheese, and salad.

Since it’s non-specific on actual ingredients, the menu ends up:

- catfish (flathead, specifically)

- grilled corn

- hush puppies

- loaded mac n cheese

- wilted spinich salad w/ strawberries and pecans

 

you’re not getting good value on that mac-n-chee

[Kennythetiger 9660]

9 minutes ago, futureman said:

you’re not getting good value on that mac-n-chee

You’d rather play wiffleball?  

[Vic Mackey 48029]

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[thunderlounge 8471]

35 minutes ago, futureman said:

you’re not getting good value on that mac-n-chee

When I take it off the smoker you’ll change your mind.

 

[Vic Mackey 48029]

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[Born to Run 6601]

Brian. Obviously. Snoopy for 2nd.

Plot Twist hot shot.

Scooby scored all the weed, lacking opposable thumbs, he relied on the gang to turn into his weed into snacks he could eat. He couldn't roll his own joints.

Counterpoint he's lazy, and these days of edibles errwhere the gang is no longer necessary, so you better be cool af.

[Born to Run 6601]

Snoopy first, Goofy and Clifford last. Definitely Clifford last. Nobody’s got time to pick up that amount of dog poop. And the Jar Jar Binks quality of Goofy would get old in half a second. 

Plus Minnie is fucking Goofy. Gotta be loyal; bros before hoes.

[Born to Run 6601]

You’d rather play wiffleball?  

Yes, my stuff is gnarly on the mound and I can hit like Babe Ruth.

[Prepuce of Doom 21296]

2 hours ago, nnm said:

Snoopy first, Goofy and Clifford last. Definitely Clifford last. Nobody’s got time to pick up that amount of dog poop. And the Jar Jar Binks quality of Goofy would get old in half a second. 

Brain from Inspector Gadget. 

 

[Longboard Horn 41396]

[WithoutAClue 16226]

[Longboard Horn 41396]

 

[Longboard Horn 41396]

[Longboard Horn 41396]

[Kennythetiger 9660]

1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

 

I don’t think so. 

[SquishMitten 10497]

That's a lot of Ole Miss frat bros for a Duke/ND game