Agriculture/Farming Help

[Ignatius Reilly 48]

Hello. Recently, a distant family member passed away. He was a tomato farmer, and owned quite a substantial number of tomatoes. 
 

In his will, he bequeathed to me the entire tomato farm, to be transferred from his estate to mine, at such a time when I have carried out the stipulation within.

My predicament is such that My Benefactor has requested that I am to be placed in a swimming pool of such size as to encompass my body fully; I am then allowed to choose having a full pool's amount of tomato placed on top of me, at which time I may vacate the pool using only the means provided to me upon entering the pool--there are ladders at each end. The deepest part of the pool reaches eight feet.

I am, however, allowed to choose the form the tomatoes take, and herein lies the dilemma; Should I choose a purée, I assume I could swim as one might in a pot of bolognese, but as there are no air pockets, I would be forced to surface quickly should I become winded. Because the thickness of the purée has not been determined, I am concerned with its density and consequently my buoyancy. I also assume it will be very heavy, but I believe I can mitigate this depending on the density of the purée.

I can also choose to have whole tomatoes placed gently atop me, instead of in a purée. This would seem to have two advantages--as tomatoes are not equally sized, even among varieties, there should be enough room for air to enter, making my struggles to stay alive much less labor intensive.

 

I would be allowed to eat or sell the leftover tomatoes after this process complete. While whole tomatoes could be washed and processed, a purée would likely be soiled by close contact with the various crests and valleys of my body, which, despite my best efforts, can be sour and unappetizing at times.

 

 Which is the answer to my dilemma? I must know by Tuesday 

 

 

Edited March 7, 2022 by Ignatius Reilly

[TheRealChuckWoolery 72]

A lot of this depends on the variety of tomato. Do you get to choose this, or are you locked in to one?

[ztejas 43411]

I see from your avatar you are a man of culture. Ask yourself, then - how would Thomas Tuchel go about this dilemma? 

[Loop 1604 227]

[mchookem 16318]

[Burt 4080]

Whatever form you choose, don't choose canned.

[RPM 26315]

The obvious answer is sauce. Please try and ketchup.

[atomheartbevo 89618]

If your distant family member did not have a borrowed Russian armored vehicle stashed away in a barn, he has no right to call himself a farmer.  

[Grippe 310]

 

[Shoxthemonkey 1976]

Are you standing or prone while the maters are put in the pool? If prone, face up or face down? Will you be naked? I really hope you're naked.

Edited March 7, 2022 by Shoxthemonkey
?

[Wally Fairway 5539]

WTF 

Ignatius, you need to think like Bubba. Have some boiled tomatoes, fried tomatoes, diced tomatoes, tomato soup, puree, sauce, fire roasted, stewed, crushed tomatoes, whole tomatoes, tomato paste, sun-dried, tomato juice, tomato ketchup, creamed tomatoes, peeled tomatoes, dude you should just eat your way out of that pool.

https://i.gifer.com./2bs4.mp4

[dingleberryswitzer 2724]

Weird flex.

[hullabelew 3723]

Since the universe, of course, is based upon the principle of the circle within the circle, at the moment, it appears you are in an inner circle, though smaller circles within this circle are also possible.  

[Armybrat 40815]

Are we talking about tomatoes or tomahtoes here? There is a difference, you know.

[hullabelew 3723]

Also, the puree may be problematic for your valve issues.  

[jeevsie 3733]

Need more information.  Where is the treadmill?

[Armybrat 40815]

Jean a une longue moustache

[wild_turkey 3159]

If prone, face up or face down?

Prone is only face down.

Face up would be supine.

[burntorangebongos 10710]

21 minutes ago, wild_turkey said:

 

Prone is only face down.

Face up would be supine.

 

Look at the big brain on Wild_turkey!

[Ignatius Reilly 48]

8 hours ago, Wally Fairway said:

WTF 

Ignatius, you need to think like Bubba. Have some boiled tomatoes, fried tomatoes, diced tomatoes, tomato soup, puree, sauce, fire roasted, stewed, crushed tomatoes, whole tomatoes, tomato paste, sun-dried, tomato juice, tomato ketchup, creamed tomatoes, peeled tomatoes, dude you should just eat your way out of that pool.

https://i.gifer.com./2bs4.mp4

I considered this but my attorney explains that the terms stipulate that the tomatoes be of a common consistency. My hands are tied. 

Edited March 7, 2022 by Ignatius Reilly

[Ignatius Reilly 48]

4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Also, the puree may be problematic for your valve issues.  

I assure you I am in perfect health

[Ignatius Reilly 48]

8 hours ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

Are you standing or prone while the maters are put in the pool? If prone, face up or face down? Will you be naked? I really hope you're naked.

Not naked. I will be nude. This is not a condition of the will, however.

[Ignatius Reilly 48]

17 hours ago, TheRealChuckWoolery said:

A lot of this depends on the variety of tomato. Do you get to choose this, or are you locked in to one?

I am allowed to select a variety. I am currently leaning toward the Roma. It's thicker skin has a higher tensile strength which I believe should more effectively keep them from bursting and collapsing. 
 

If i choose a purée, it will be Campari.

[Wally Fairway 5539]

57 minutes ago, Ignatius Reilly said:

I considered this but my attorney explains that the terms stipulate that the tomatoes be of a common consistency. My hands are tied. 

good luck, gonna be harder to get out with your hands tied