Kids - to have them or not

[Guest]

Your general IQ/ likability will plummet in your kids' eyes while they are ages 12-19 or so.  

That shit starts coming back exponentially as they get into their 20's though.

[Celery Man 20902]

6 hours ago, South Austin said:

But here's a situation that's somewhat unique for me compared to many others on this thread -- since I'm divorced I see my kids 50% of the time.  That means, 50% of the time I don't have my kids, so I have a lot more freedom without child obligations during that time (but still attending a few kid activities here and there during my time off).  It's the silver lining of divorce that nobody wants to talk about.  By no means do I advocate divorce and it was an absolutely shitty experience.  But it has mitigated some of the time suck of parenthood that others on this thread experience.

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

8 hours ago, South Austin said:

But here's a situation that's somewhat unique for me compared to many others on this thread -- since I'm divorced I see my kids 50% of the time.  That means, 50% of the time I don't have my kids, so I have a lot more freedom without child obligations during that time (but still attending a few kid activities here and there during my time off).  It's the silver lining of divorce that nobody wants to talk about.  By no means do I advocate divorce and it was an absolutely shitty experience.  But it has mitigated some of the time suck of parenthood that others on this thread experience.

Solid.  I agree 100%

[Longhorn94 2445]

We have 5 kids. They are the best thing I will ever do or accomplish. I view my life as a life of service to them. My whole life revolves around them. Every decision. Every action. Every breath to them and for them. The most important thing in the world to me is being the best father I can be. Everything else is secondary.I absolutely love it. I have never, not one time, not even for a moment, regretted it or had second thoughts, or anything even remotely negative toward my children. I have never been jealous of anyone else who didnt have kids. They are my life. 

I have approached parenthood as being their guide. I do not want to live their lives. I do not want them to follow after me. I want them to make their own way and I am their guide to help them find their path on their journey. Mistakes and failures are the hardest thing to work through as a parent. On one hand you want to protect them but on the other hand, you know that ever single thing you ever learned in your own life came from failing. Its hard to let them fail but you have to. We teach our kids to think for themselves, to make decisions, to understand that their choices and decisions have consequences, and that we never ever negotiate with terrorists. If you want to do something, you have to be willing to give it up. If you can, you can do it. If you can't, you can't do it. Love, love, and more unconditional love. Always be fair, no matter what. and do not draw lines that do not need to be drawn. If you make the choice to have kids with someone you love, then you should never ever regret that choice. its a wild crazy adventure that i wouldnt trade for anything. 5 kids have kept us busy over the years and they are still keeping us busy! they dont stop needing  guide at 18!!!! lol

its awesome, its hard, its soooo much fun, its heartbreaking, its the best thing you can ever do with your life: to give someone else life and to love them no matter what.  

[Knoxtnhorn 5941]

It's probably been mentioned on this thread but, just in case...

It's hard to comprehend before-hand, but there is a HUGE difference between other people's kids and your own.  I abhorred kids when I was in my 20's.  Matter of fact, one of my dating tenets was "I will not date a woman that already has children; I don't care how perfect the woman might be". 

As soon as I had my daughter, that all changed.  I started wearing a seat belt the day she was born.  I then went from, "Ok, I like my kid" to "Ok, I like the kids that I coach in AYSO soccer" (when she turned 4), to returning to school to be a teacher.

Point I'm trying to make is that it is very, very hard to judge your love of a future child before you have one.

Edited March 26, 2022 by Knoxtnhorn

[bluto 4895]

10 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

It's probably been mentioned on this thread but, just in case...

It's hard to comprehend before-hand, but there is a HUGE difference between other people's kids and your own.  I abhorred kids when I was in my 20's.  Matter of fact, one of my dating tenets was "I will not date a woman that already has children; I don't care how perfect the woman might be". 

As soon as I had my daughter, that all changed.  I started wearing a seat belt the day she was born.  I then went from, "Ok, I like my kid" to "Ok, I like the kids that I coach in AYSO soccer" (when she turned 4), to returning to school to be a teacher.

Point I'm trying to make is that it is very, very hard to judge your love of a future child before you have one.

Hold on a second, you didn’t wear a seatbelt until you had a kid?? Or just a metaphor?

Edited March 26, 2022 by bluto

[Knoxtnhorn 5941]

18 minutes ago, bluto said:

Hold on a second, you didn’t wear a seatbelt until you had a kid?? Or just a metaphor?

This was in '97, in Tennessee.  I wore one on occasion, but it was an afterthought... until I realized another life was dependent upon me.

And, yes, in retrospect that seems regarded.  I was young and dumb.

Edited March 26, 2022 by Knoxtnhorn

[LTbear 4161]

On 3/16/2022 at 10:20 PM, Baboontyme said:

This is outstanding.

I have gotten to the stage as a parent where I'm starting to get existential. 

When you boil it all down, life is really about one of two things. Do you believe we're here to make the world a better place or do you believe we're here to experience as much cool shit as possible during our existence? 

For the sake of argument, neither of these ends of the spectrum have anything directly to do with having kids. As you hint at later in your post, it is more than possible to devote your life to making the world a better place without having kids, and I think you could justifiably argue that you are in fact more capable of making the world a better place - committing more time to a particular cause/ charity/ socially valuable career - when not bogged down by the immense commitments of parenting (not to mention not contributing to the most basic cause of all the world's problems, overpopulation). 

[Baboontyme 2808]

17 minutes ago, LTbear said:

For the sake of argument, neither of these ends of the spectrum have anything directly to do with having kids. As you hint at later in your post, it is more than possible to devote your life to making the world a better place without having kids, and I think you could justifiably argue that you are in fact more capable of making the world a better place - committing more time to a particular cause/ charity/ socially valuable career - when not bogged down by the immense commitments of parenting (not to mention not contributing to the most basic cause of all the world's problems, overpopulation). 

Yes...Absolutely! The point is that if you can figure out what you and the Mrs are all about, you can then decide how kids do or don't fit into that picture. 

[Celery Man 20902]

40 minutes ago, LTbear said:

For the sake of argument, neither of these ends of the spectrum have anything directly to do with having kids. As you hint at later in your post, it is more than possible to devote your life to making the world a better place without having kids, and I think you could justifiably argue that you are in fact more capable of making the world a better place - committing more time to a particular cause/ charity/ socially valuable career - when not bogged down by the immense commitments of parenting (not to mention not contributing to the most basic cause of all the world's problems, overpopulation). 

Focus and energy are, next to ability, almost the only things that matter when it comes to trying to make a difference somewhere. Agree that it's not really the same thing as "making the world a better place", but unless you are truly exceptional there is no place where you'll have an impact like you will as a parent, devoting the majority of your energy to shaping and guiding one or a few individual lives. I think that this is really what the "make a difference" thing is about.

[Celery Man 20902]

To add to that, the only thing that actually matters in the world is other people. If you devote your life to your career and have a meaningful impact on Honeywell stringing together some positive quarters, are you really going to give a shit at the end of the day? Who is going to continue to care about you when you’re no longer useful? This is not an argument that one must have children in order to find lasting fulfillment, but I do believe you need to figure out having a community that is real and doing things that matter to those people. Otherwise the whole thing is pointless. Although maybe some people are just entirely self contained in a way that I can’t imagine.

[LTbear 4161]

2 hours ago, Celery Man said:

To add to that, the only thing that actually matters in the world is other people. 

I completely understand the argument you're trying to make, and respect it, but I also wholeheartedly disagree with this opening premise. The rest of the planet - including the 99.9999999% species that aren't H. sapiens - matters, too.

[Jkwellborn 6658]

Hold on a second, you didn’t wear a seatbelt until you had a kid?? Or just a metaphor?

I didn’t wear one regularly until the day my younger cousin died in a wreck. My little girl had just turned two. My mom asked me to promise to wear one all the time.

Been a decade and it’s still not really a habit.

I did change up some stuff when I had kids because you start thinking about leaving early.

[Wade 463]

It's a cliche but true.  Your reward for having kids is when they have their own, and you really get to enjoy the grandkids without the stress.  I have nine older siblings and their joy with their grandkids is so obvious.  Unfortunately for me, I got a late start at fatherhood and am pretty sure I won't be around when they have their own.

[Celery Man 20902]

3 hours ago, LTbear said:

I completely understand the argument you're trying to make, and respect it, but I also wholeheartedly disagree with this opening premise. The rest of the planet - including the 99.9999999% species that aren't H. sapiens - matters, too.

Of course I didn’t mean “the only thing that matters” like that. Although if you spend your entire life’s energy and focus saving newts to the detriment of having any people at all (not even the community of newt people)… again, people may be way different than I can imagine being myself, but that would be a sad life.

[LTbear 4161]

2 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Of course I didn’t mean “the only thing that matters” like that. Although if you spend your entire life’s energy and focus saving newts to the detriment of having any people at all (not even the community of newt people)… again, people may be way different than I can imagine being myself, but that would be a sad life.

I think on this point we likely can't relate. I wouldn't consider a life devoted to conservation anything remotely close to "sad." Very much the opposite. If newts aren't your fancy, you're welcome to pick a sexier megafauna, or to instead think of not a species but a region, like those who have spent their lives dedicated to the protection of the Great Bear Rainforest or somesuch. 

[Celery Man 20902]

I’ll try not to keep picking the nit or whatever but what I mean is that, while that would be a worthy endeavor bringing much good to the world (and realistically you’re going to end up a fixture in the community of newt people), humans are social animals and we (usually) need to share our lives with other humans. You don’t need to make more humans for that to happen but if you don’t you might need to be more intentional in tending to that garden.

[LTbear 4161]

On 3/27/2022 at 10:13 PM, Celery Man said:

I’ll try not to keep picking the nit or whatever but what I mean is that, while that would be a worthy endeavor bringing much good to the world (and realistically you’re going to end up a fixture in the community of newt people), humans are social animals and we (usually) need to share our lives with other humans. You don’t need to make more humans for that to happen but if you don’t you might need to be more intentional in tending to that garden.

I understand your intent better here. I do feel I tend that garden pretty well, as I get a lot of fulfillment out of my career as a professor in a college that overwhelmingly serves students from historically disadvantaged demographics. 

[Al_4_ISU 12409]

My wife and I have been trying for a long time and are now at the surrogate point as it's clear she can't have kids.

I see a lot of people in this thread say that you have to give up your hobbies, your friends, and your life, but from what I've seen that isn't true at all.

Many of my friends as well as my brother and some close cousins have kids, and their life isn't that way at all.  Do they stay out until 2AM getting shitfaced anymore?  Of course not.  Do they just drop everything for a road trip to a game or concert?  No.  But we get together regularly with the kids in tow at people's places and enjoy life in a fairly normal fashion.  Grilling out in the summer, watching football in the late fall and winter.  We've taken kids canoeing and kayaking, and biking, and skiing.  Usually one parent takes turns being more of a supervisor while the other enjoys the activity at a more adult level.  For example, I'll go up to the Twin Cities and meet my brother and a friend of ours from college to go mountain biking.  After we're done with the adult ride, we pick my nephew up and go for a ride at his skill level.  Then we'll meet up with my SIL and niece and grill out or go out for lunch.  My brother doesn't live in fear of his kids melting down.  Sometimes they do, and you deal with it.  Many of my friends are the same way.  These kids all by and large are well adjusted, comfortable, happy, and of course alive.  These kids are often more flexible, adaptable, and resilient.  This is much more similar to how my brother and I were raised, where the kids whims took a back seat, but we were never without the things we needed, and always knew our parents cared.

On the flip side, I do have friends who are absolutely paralyzed by their children's routines and the possibility that the kid will throw a public tantrum.  This results in them giving up many of their hobbies and a total reorganization of life around their children.  Their kids are fine too, but the parents are definitely more beaten down by the process than my friends and family who live their lives and bring their kids along for it.

From observing and spending a lot of time with people with young kids, I know the direction I want to take it.  Maybe it's easier for people like us to pull it off because we live in a small town and kind of have a village around us to help (we frequently help our friends with things for their kids and are involved in their kids lives), and we have our entire immediate family within 2 hours, and a lot of extended family in the same window.  My friends who have a much more restricted view of life with kids don't have family close by and live in suburbia where their just isn't a close network of people around them.  That's probably a big factor.  We grew up with both grandparents within 30 miles and a bunch of aunts, uncles, cousins, and family friends nearby in small town America.

The bottom line is that I don't think parenthood is a monolithic experience, and there isn't just one path to having a positive impact on your children while keeping them alive.  

I'll check back in a couple years when I'm broken from dealing with a tyrannical small person who's every whim my life revolves around.

[StruggleBus 3922]

If you and your wife want kids, you should have them. Frankly, the US needs more of the educated, professional class to reproduce (assumption on the OP here, but most of this board seems to fit that description). 

[Guest Lobo]

^

Good point.  Look a thread like this, and think of how many educated, measured users that aren't even posting on here.  And then look at how contemplative and deliberate people are with just the thought of having one or two children.  And then look across the country at how many stupid people are having multiple children with multiple partners.  You think conversations like this thread are taking place in most corners of the nation?  Spoiler alert...they are not.  

That our birth rate isn't declining even more is only due to the miracle of idiocy.  I mean, we waited awhile to get our ducks in a row, and then had some complications, but are blessed with two wonderful munchkins.  But fucking-A, if the human race...particularly in the West...put this much thought into it...our species would be done for.  But I get it, it's your life.  The world doesn't need clones of all of us.  I say wait, plan, be comfortable, have faith in God & Nature, and be ready to roll with the punches.  At a couple level.  At a macro level though, the stupids are out-breeding the rest of the country by a damn sight.  

I dunno.  It's healthy to have these reservations.  But I assure you, this is the exception...not the rule.  Which also means your path will be more unique, but perhaps more isolated.  Also, being an older dad...it has massive drawbacks but massive perks.  Definitely a binary experience, I can vouch for that. 

[South Austin 52170]

Regarding age to have kids, it’s to each his own. I had my first at 32, and my wife and I had been married almost three years. Could we have waited and enjoyed a few more years of freedom in our 30s? Sure.

But now that I’m 47, I’ve loved raising kids during this period of my life, and I like that they’ll be out of the house for most of my 50s and beyond.

[Jkwellborn 6658]

Regarding age to have kids, it’s to each his own. I had my first at 32, and my wife and I had been married almost three years. Could we have waited and enjoyed a few more years of freedom in our 30s? Sure.
But now that I’m 47, I’ve loved raising kids during this period of my life, and I like that they’ll be out of the house for most of my 50s and beyond.

Similar here. On the one hand, I really wish we had children when I was younger just because I’d have more time/energy whatever to really get out and play with them.

[F250 28716]

Did the OP settle on being cat people?

 

 

[gmr548 16533]

Interesting thread to read as a 30 year-old kind of on the fence. Nothing to add, but appreciate everyone's insight.

[LTbear 4161]

On 4/13/2022 at 8:05 AM, F250 said:

Did the OP settle on being cat people?

 

 

Aren't cats pretty much the same as kids? Put water in the dish, change the litter, go about your day?

[CHIEF 5072]

I'm 54, and an only child, CHIEF Jr. is 24, and an only child. I was kinda on the fence for a while, but finally decided to have a child when I realized that if I didn't there would be no one to inherit my parent's and my wife and I's shit. I got lucky, healthy kid with no health problems, never has been in real trouble, loved my hobbies, and took them up (wrenching, hunting, fishing, etc.) at a young age. He is the glue that has held my marriage of 29 years together. Things got a little "rocky" in my late 30's, when I moved to Granbury for work. At that time, without him, I think Mrs. CHIEF would have stayed in Austin, and we would have split up.

After my father passed in 2019, I did not realize how much my Mother needed me. Not financially, but spiritually, and emotionally. She has no interest in dating or getting remarried. The last thing I would want to happen, is for her to have to do it out of necessity. I am essentially "the non-romantic Man of her house." I take care of her property, run errands, put out real estate signs, and lock boxes. Stayed with her when she had COVID. Help with financial advice. She will never go to a nursing home, I will see to that. If she becomes physically unable to take care of herself, I will move her in with me. I love her dearly. She and my wife are the two most important women in my life. CHIEF Jr. feels the same about his mother, and I love her enough to want her to be able to make the same choices my mother is able to make.

You can have, or not have children, and both could be considered selfish. You don't want them because you don't want to have to spend the time and effort on them when they are dependent on you. Or, you have them so you can depend on them in your later years for their love, care, and companionship. My mother is only 71, she has a good 20-25 years left. It would certainly be lonely for her to be doing it all by herself.

For us, having only one, was a choice. We didn't even have enough to replace ourselves, my parents didn't either. My son will get the accumulated wealth of both my parents, my wife, and myself. How many he has is completely up to him and his spouse. Or, he may never get married if he don't hurry up and get his ass out of school, and quits being so picky.

CHIEF

Edited April 15, 2022 by CHIEF

[oSuJeff97 3435]

Just found this thread when looking for something else, so thought I'd add my two cents.

So I've just had my first two kids in the past 18 months.... I'm old AF for a new dad... had just turned 46 when my son was born in February 2021 and was 47 when my daughter was born a few months ago.  Of course having a newborn and toddler at the same time is a challenge but I couldn't be happier. I've wanted to be a Dad forever, but life circumstances basically caused about a decade of delays for me.

I got married to my first wife in my late 20s and we were both perfectly happy to wait a bit... our original plan was to have kids in our early 30s. Well years went by and we kept putting it off. I sensed that she was starting to be hesitant about it but we pushed forward and started trying when I was maybe 33-34 and she was maybe 31-32. 

Nothing happened for about a year to the point that I was starting to wonder if something was wrong then - boom - she got pregnant. Unfortunately, we had a miscarriage. This was when I was around 35.  I didn't really know at the time, but that whole thing basically convinced her that she didn't want kids, but it took several more years and a lot of drama to get that out of her and we got divorced the year I turned 40.

Meanwhile, I had basically given up on the idea of having kids. I figured I would meet someone and get married again (which I did), but I also figured the person who I met would very likely be divorced and have kids and so I made myself fine with that... I really just wanted to have any kind of family I could get.

So fast-forward a few years and I met my future wife. She was divorced and a good bit younger than me (she was 32 when we met) and also wanted kids.  So fast forward a few more years and we are married with two amazing kids.

The TL;DR version is if you think you want to have kids, just do it. I don't think anyone can ever be truely prepared. 

Also - even if you're old, go for it, man. Obviously for women there are increasing risks as you get older, but still. Are there things that will be more challenging because I'm an old-ass dad? Sure there will. But nothing in life is guaranteed. If you want kids, make it happen because we only live once. Even only being a Dad for just under 2 years now, I can't imagine missing out on this stuff. I feel pretty lucky, but then this is something that I've wanted for a long time.

In terms of the upside of being an old-ass Dad, I do feel like I'm a more patient than I would have been in my 30s or certainly my 20s. And as others have talked about... I don't feel like I "missed out" on anything as I did a shit-ton of partying, traveling, etc., in my 20s and 30s. 

[Jkwellborn 6658]

You’ll never be truly prepared or ready for them. Regardless of what you think or other people tell you. That doesn’t mean it’s not a bad idea to wait if you’re unsure. Also, a lot of people have no business reproducing.

[oSuJeff97 3435]

2 hours ago, Jkwellborn said:

You’ll never be truly prepared or ready for them. Regardless of what you think or other people tell you. That doesn’t mean it’s not a bad idea to wait if you’re unsure. Also, a lot of people have no business reproducing.

This is very true.

I would say though if you’re sure you want to have them but are waiting for the “perfect time”, then just do it, because there is no perfect time. There’s also no guarantee you can make it happen. Most do, obviously, but I have a few friends who went through the hell (and $$$$$$) of trying everything up to and including IVF before going the adoption route.

[Guest]

I'm 51, and have been a grandfather 5 days.

Becoming a father at 22 was hard as hell, and to the point of this thread, hell no we weren't ready; but damn if our boys' high school and college years weren't awesome.  We have really enjoyed the empty nest in our late 40's.  Grandparenting from our 50's seems to be awesome AF so far and into the foreseeable future.

Not sure there is a perfect time for any of this.  It's all what you make of it.  I do love where(when) we are today.

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

I don't know if this has been mentioned.  But before you ever have kids, hell... before you're ever married, think of anything and everything you can about raising children.  How will you raise them? How will you run your house? How will you discipline?  Get on the same page with your spouse.  If there are any major differences, don't have kids.  

[Goofyboy 3227]

I don't know if this has been mentioned.  But before you ever have kids, hell... before you're ever married, think of anything and everything you can about raising children.  How will you raise them? How will you run your house? How will you discipline?  Get on the same page with your spouse.  If there are any major differences, don't have kids.  

And also be prepared to throw all of those plans and ideas out the window if it doesn’t work. I had to completely re-think how I was going to parent. Things are good now, but teen years have me scared.

[CooterBrown 17943]

And also be prepared to throw all of those plans and ideas out the window if it doesn’t work. I had to completely re-think how I was going to parent. Things are good now, but teen years have me scared.

I used to think of how bad the teen years would be but it’s been pretty easy honestly.

One thing I’ve noticed with the parents that struggle with teens is that many of them don’t grow along with their kids. They’re trying to keep their kids and themselves in a box that they’ve already defined. You have to shift a bit from just being the parent to also being a guide. You have to be okay with your kids growing into adults. You have to let them spread their wings slowly. You have to be able to have uncomfortable conversations (from your perspective) that are non judgmental and honest. You have to talk frankly about little decisions that lead to big consequences. You need to let them learn responsibilities and not rescue them when they can rescue themselves.

[Guest]

Planning how to parent one kid?

Because when the 2nd/3rd/4th come along; it's a virtual guarantee the paradigm shifts.

[Tailgate 3019]

I attribute most of my success to my kids. To me, they are one of the most beautiful things you can create in life. The drive I had to make sure they were going to be in a good position when they reached college was unreal. As others have said in earlier posts…pretty much everything I do is for them. 

My youngest will be out of college in a couple years…at that point Mrs. Tailgate and I will be relaxing somewhere and hoping to be grandparents. Love being around little ones. FWIW 18 months is the magical moment IMO where they’ve finally come out of their shell completely and you can “see” the person you’ve created. 
 

Enjoy them each and every day…time flies and the next thing you know they are out of the nest.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

Argument for against:

currently in a giant line at an indoor theme park inside a mall in São Paulo.  I don’t care for theme parks nor malls. Lines are for BBQ. Fuck my life. 
 

[Guest]

"Let's get out and do some family stuff together..."  Look at all the mofos on their phones.

[Buzzrock 14880]

Kids are the greatest thing that you’d never do again.



That said my current happiest place on earth is my 13 year old’s baseball games. Little kid sports is a beating but when they start to become young men and understand the game it’s the fucking BEST. And I’m more of a music than sports guy.

The world needs more good kids that turn into good people. If you think you can help with that please do. If you think you’re gonna have assholes then do us all a favor…

[Guest]

Man, this summer my kid has learned to ride his bike like nobody's business, gone from having to wear floaties and whining/struggling while swimming to swimming the length of the pool and diving down about five feet to pick up stuff off the bottom. He's figuring out a lot of math in his head that drops my jaw (thanks Pokemon cards). He also drew a five-step blueprint on how we're going to dig a pool in the backyard and says he knows how to "kinda" speak Spanish because he can count to ten in espanol.

It's a lot of fun right now. 

 

Edited August 9, 2022 by FirstTimeCaller

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Kids are the greatest thing that you’d never do again.

Marine Corps boot camp checking in.  LOL.

I loved my time as a dad raising our boys.  I grew a lot and it was incredibly rewarding.  I love the hell out of those relationships now.  My marriage is better for it too, as crazy as that might sound.

Grandparenting is also a huge part of the payoff.

[Buzzrock 14880]

I’m definitely a little jealous of folks who had kids early. I’m 50 with a 16 and 13 year old. Then again, I had a really good time in my 20s. 

[HouTex 1851]

My $.02.  My wife and I are 60 and our daughters are 28 and 31.  They've turned out well.  One is married but no grandkids yet.  Kids are wonderful and a joy, and we had a lot of fun with their out-of-school activities like swim team, soccer, softball, and basketball.  Coaching them in basketball was a blast, and then high school sports was really fun when the talent level and coaching was a bit better.  I'm Catholic and I raised them Catholic and the Sunday school, first communion and confirmation process was very rewarding.

But raising kids it's not always easy.  They can be a pain in the ass and, speaking bluntly, if a person is extremely selfish, he/she may be better off not having kids.  They also are, or can be, extremely expensive depending on where you live, your peer group, summer camp, choice of schools/colleges, etc.

It's been mentioned before, but you really never can be prepared for kids.  It's crisis management 24/7 and in our experience there was always drama.  And you never know what you are going to get.  I've seen the nicest parents end up with rotten kids.  Shit happens.  Shitty kids do not necessarily come from bad parents.  In my experience, raising our kids in the Briargrove and Memorial areas of Houston, the kids that we know that did not do well were early drug and alcohol abusers.  Sadly, some of them are already dead.  

There's no guarantee it will work, but you'll have the best chance of ending up with good kids if you get to know their friends and make sure their friends are good kids.  What a "good" kid is can be subjective and I won't engage in a debate on what it means, but if your kids are hanging with a bunch of druggies/hoodlums/criminals, that's not a good thing.  Making sure your kids socialize from an early age with other kids that you deem acceptable can go a long way. 

[Guest]

On 8/9/2022 at 1:18 PM, FirstTimeCaller said:

Man, this summer my kid has learned to ride his bike like nobody's business, gone from having to wear floaties and whining/struggling while swimming to swimming the length of the pool and diving down about five feet to pick up stuff off the bottom. He's figuring out a lot of math in his head that drops my jaw (thanks Pokemon cards). He also drew a five-step blueprint on how we're going to dig a pool in the backyard and says he knows how to "kinda" speak Spanish because he can count to ten in espanol.

It's a lot of fun right now. 

 

My kid loves Monopoly. And even though he is young, he plays the full game (mortgages, trades, houses, hotels, etc.). On one hand, playing Monopoly for me is like a once a year thing, so playing a full game can be a beating. On the other, it's amazing to see the kid pick it up so early and be genuinely interested and understand the game.

Dunno why I posted it, other than another example of seeing kids pick up stuff, learn, and grow is unbelievably satisfying and interesting. To me, having a kid IS the human experience. Nothing like it.

 

[52-80 19110]

My kid is unquestionably the best thing i’ve ever made or had. Hard to think of more satisfying thing than when he first wakes up, rolls his head towards me, makes eye contact, and flashes a smile. Best way to start a morning. 
 

What worked really well for us is having everything already settled when we had him. I fulfilled all of my hobbies, and we had out professional lives settled, so there was no burden or compromises that we had to make e.g. career opportunity vs caretaking, or feeling like our social life was disrupted. 
 

I think that helps a ton. 

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

On 8/6/2022 at 1:17 PM, Goofyboy said:

And also be prepared to throw all of those plans and ideas out the window if it doesn’t work. I had to completely re-think how I was going to parent. Things are good now, but teen years have me scared.

The main point was to be on the same page with the spouse.  Agree with you on plans being changed, and God laughing at plans.  

[StruggleBus 3922]

On 3/12/2022 at 10:56 AM, immamac said:

Sleeping in past 8AM on a good day is not even a thing

8am sounds amazing. I'd love it if my daughters let me sleep until 630

[oSuJeff97 3435]

2 hours ago, StruggleBus said:

8am sounds amazing. I'd love it if my daughters let me sleep until 630

Yeah as a very new parent with two kids now, the other thing I'm learning is how totally different sleeping habits can be.

My boy (now almost 18 months) was an absolute fucking terrorist for the first 3-4 months. My wife and I had to sleep in shifts because he was up every 2-3 hours like clockwork all night that whole time and often had to be rocked back to sleep even after a bottle. It was awful. We were both zombies until he started going stretches of at least 4-5 hours.

But now he's a great sleeper. We put him down 7:30-8:00 and he'll normally wake up 7:30-8:00 but is happy to stay and mess around in bed until 8:30 most mornings.

My daughter (2 months now) is the complete opposite of what my boy was. We literally had to wake her up to feed her the first 2-3 nights we were home. Now she has settled into basically only getting up once a night...we give her a last bottle around 10:00 and then she usually doesn't wake up until in between 4:00-5:30, and then immediately goes back to sleep after the bottle. She even will sometimes sleep until 6:00-7:00... and then again typically right back to sleep for another 3-4 hours. My boy never did that until he was like at least 4-5 months old.

So who knows how she'll do when we she gets a little older and gets more into the scheduled sleep/nap schedule, but for now it's awesome considering her age.

[tbone_ 14031]

Kids are hard as fuck. But there’s nothing better on the planet. It’s one of the few things in life that’s really good. Do it.

[Armybrat 40755]

On 8/3/2022 at 4:13 PM, Jkwellborn said:

You’ll never be truly prepared or ready for them. Regardless of what you think or other people tell you. That doesn’t mean it’s not a bad idea to wait if you’re unsure. Also, a lot of people have no business reproducing.

True, but everyone should give some thought about the prospect of dying alone someday.