Worst place you've ever taken a shit

[closetohumping 17429]

My buddy: porto potty at the Willie Nelson July 4th picnic.  South Park meadows.  50k people, 100 degrees.  He also went in the outhouse at the Terlingua chili cook off

Me: Girlfriend's closet.

 

I will absolutely shit myself before shitting in a port o potty.

Edited March 14, 2022 by closetohumping

[52-80 19136]

1. straddling a log over a shitpit in south wyoming, waving my hands around my ass so the swarming mosquitos wouldnt bite me in the nads

2. in some terrible tourist trap beachside cafe/restaurant in barcelona.  there was only 1 toilet room and people were constantly banging on the door and murmuring shit while i was trying to squeeze one off.  go the fuck away, asshoes.

[closetohumping 17429]

5 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

 

2. in some terrible tourist trap beachside cafe/restaurant in barcelona.  there was only 1 toilet room and people were constantly banging on the door and murmuring shit while i was trying to squeeze one off.  go the fuck away, asshoes.

Used to happen at the office.  2 shitters, 70 dudes.  I even called the "waiters" out.  "you really gonna stand there while I shit?"  "Pretty much."

[nnm 36300]

 

[huge 3790]

Nastys circa 1995 after several margarita pitchers

[Guest]

One of my high school girlfriend's parents' bathroom.  While they were home.

Gastric distress. Explosive diarrhea.  It was basically a fireworks show with nothing but mortars out my ass with intermittent Saturn Missile batteries.  Kept trying to flush the toilet to hide the sound. Bottom of the toilet seat took shrapnel. Inner commode had entirely new paint job. Might as well have made a video and celebrated it. At least that sumbeech flushed like a champ.

I wanted to pull a Tuberville( unbeknownst to me at the time) and crawl out the bathroom window.  Worst walk of shame ever.

Oh...additionally, I worked for her dad.  He never said a fucking word about it.  I wanted to die.

Edited March 14, 2022 by slorch

[Al_4_ISU 12442]

In a soybean field alongside a busy highway in Grimes, Iowa (suburb of Des Moines).  I was out for a run (wife and I first lived in a small apartment on the edge of town) and couldn't make it the mile back to my place.  It was August, so if there had been a corn field on either side of the road, I would have had decent privacy.  But it was beans on both sides.

So there I am, popping a squat in full view of traffic, shitting my brains out (running can really work up a shit) while people are honking at me.

https://goo.gl/maps/pPRXGwSkxshBFCfp6

Street view of the spot.  It was just in the field to the right.  Those homes in the immediate foreground weren't built yet at the time (2008 or so).

Edited March 14, 2022 by Al_4_ISU

[Longhorn_Fan68 33857]

Y'all remember a place called Sears.....?

[Spaulding Smails 1551]

My shitting apprehensions have drastically waned over the years.  From refusing to shit in a public restroom to no-holds-barred shitting in porta potties and convenience store.  A nasty porta potty is about as bad as it gets for me from an actual location standpoint.  But, I did encounter some gastric distress while training for a marathon at the midway point of an out-and-back 16 mile run several years ago.  I tried the run-walk-run-walk interval strategy, but the contractions were getting stronger and closer together.  I was less than a mile from home when I couldn't take it any more.  Ended up shitting inside a 48" culvert under a busy farm to market road and wiping with my running socks.  

Sidebar... while in outside sales many moons ago, my colleagues and I coined the term "Hampton Inn Pitstop".  Walk into a Hampton Inn or other mid-range hotel, and calmly walk by the front desk to the lobby shitter.  Almost always immaculate and rarely occupied.  Because, who shits in the lobby of a hotel when you have a room there?  Walk right back out like you own the joint.  

[Al_4_ISU 12442]

Nasty porta-pots are the worst overall experience, just because you have to marinate in the pre-existing stench.

I feel like this thread should tilt more to unusual or comprising places you've been forced to shit.  I think everyone has had to suck it up and dump in a rancid kybo before.

[High Plains Drifter 11009]

 

The "Hampton Inn Pitstop" is a pro-tip. Done it many times. I've even done it despite having a room, just because I didn't want to inflict the smell/sound/sight on my roommates.

The "Starbucks Pitstop" also works well. Did that one with the 4 yr old daughter walking around Manhattan a couple of times.

[Al_4_ISU 12442]

Since we now have 2 running induced emergency shits on the board, has anyone actually shit themselves while running?

The first time I ran a half marathon, I saw a guy shit himself about 11 miles in.  We were running up the only hill on the course, and I saw the shit stream down his back leg before I got hit with the stench.

I've never actually shit myself running.  The aforementioned story was among my closest calls.  I plan my jogs around the town I live in so that I'm always within a few blocks of the fire station.  I'm on the fire department, and frequently use the station bathroom for my mid-run shits.

[closetohumping 17429]

24 minutes ago, huge said:

Nastys circa 1995 after several margarita pitchers

That's another no for me.  Remember "Barflys" out on airport?  Buddy took a shit there as well.  Nasty fuck.  Come to think of it he dropped a load at Nasty's too

[davidg 4035]

5 minutes ago, Spaulding Smails said:

Sidebar... while in outside sales many moons ago, my colleagues and I coined the term "Hampton Inn Pitstop".  Walk into a Hampton Inn or other mid-range hotel, and calmly walk by the front desk to the lobby shitter.  Almost always immaculate and rarely occupied.  Because, who shits in the lobby of a hotel when you have a room there?  Walk right back out like you own the joint.  

Lobby shitter was my goto move when staying in  a hotel with the family.  Go down there, camp out in the handicapped stall and get some privacy and peace to do my business.  

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, davidg said:

Lobby shitter was my goto move when staying in  a hotel with the family.  Go down there, camp out in the handicapped stall and get some privacy and peace to do my business.  

This.  I rarely ever shit it the bathroom in our room if I'm with someone.  

[MonkeyDoughnut 10211]

7 minutes ago, davidg said:

Lobby shitter was my goto move when staying in  a hotel with the family.  Go down there, camp out in the handicapped stall and get some privacy and peace to do my business.  

Got 4 boys and family rules dictate when in a hotel, anyone needing a #2 stop uses the downstairs bathrooms...

[TwiceHorn 31411]

As recounted on the Alaska thread, Texas, or north Texas, Boy Scout camps have kind of a standard latrine design.  Wood fenced enclosure with a concrete-floored shower partitioned from a two-seat shitbox.  I don't know that they ever suck out the shitbox, but natural composting/addition of lime or some other chemical(s) seems to keep the contents of the shitbox "down."

Well, in the last year of Camp Texoma, on Lake Texoma (circa 1980), the shitboxes were all full for some reason.  Like the shitmound was less than a foot from the bottom of the seat (the situation did not lend itself to precise measurement).  Suffice it to say a lengthy log could land before it exited the o-ring.  And the excessive volume of faeces made the stench nearly unbearable, including for the nearby showers.

Nasty as fuck.

[Sbbruin 21810]

Gross restroom at a Greek campground (Mykonos) where the shitter was basically a hole in the ground and where people had literally just shat on the floor.

And the Rose Bowl pre-game shitter that was basically a public park shitter where they had taken the doors off the stalls to prevent "liaisons" .  About the quickest shit I ever took.

[tfoolry 8198]

In a urinal in 6th grade elementary school as buddy was in only shitter.  They had all boys sit alone in room until someone confess…..my buddy snitched on me after about 10 minutes of awkward silence. 
They called my mom in next day to discuss in principal’s office with me & HR teacher.  It was hard to keep straight face during that meeting.  

[futureman 22439]

your wife’s chest. 

[Al_4_ISU 12442]

16 minutes ago, tfoolry said:

In a urinal in 6th grade elementary school as buddy was in only shitter.  They had all boys sit alone in room until someone confess…..my buddy snitched on me after about 10 minutes of awkward silence. 
They called my mom in next day to discuss in principal’s office with me & HR teacher.  It was hard to keep straight face during that meeting.  

Edited March 14, 2022 by Al_4_ISU

[closetohumping 17429]

44 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

The "Hampton Inn Pitstop" is a pro-tip. Done it many times. I've even done it despite having a room, just because I didn't want to inflict the smell/sound/sight on my roommates.

The "Starbucks Pitstop" also works well. Did that one with the 4 yr old daughter walking around Manhattan a couple of times.

Starbucks, while not nasty, is way too busy for me to get comfortable.  But, in a pinch, it works.

43 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Since we now have 2 running induced emergency shits on the board, has anyone actually shit themselves while running?

The first time I ran a half marathon, I saw a guy shit himself about 11 miles in.  We were running up the only hill on the course, and I saw the shit stream down his back leg before I got hit with the stench.

I've never actually shit myself running.  The aforementioned story was among my closest calls.  I plan my jogs around the town I live in so that I'm always within a few blocks of the fire station.  I'm on the fire department, and frequently use the station bathroom for my mid-run shits.

No, closest I came was at a bus stop waiting for the campus bus.  Was standing their nice and normal, when all of a sudden last night's  Taco Cabana decided to say hello.  I calmly crossed the street and made it back to my shitter that was about a block from the bus stop.  It was close, may have shitted on the toilet seat.

 

However, when I was in the Army, yes I served you motherfuckers, this private shit during the PT run.  I think he actually passed the time if it means anything.  Anyways, thankfully we only wore brown socks.  But as we're marching back, there's shit all over his legs and he's using his canteen to try to cover it up, as if we couldn't see or smell that shit.

 

 

Most unusual place?  I went on a tour of China way back when and I don't have to tell you how odd some of their shitters were.  Anyways, went on a tour of a tea factory and inevitably, I had diahrrea, that's basically every day in China btw as the food was awful.  I go to the outhouse and the shitter, basically a porcelain hole in the ground, was concealed by two French doors.  I was maybe 20 yards from the tour so as I was kneeling, I was able to pier over the French doors and here what the tour guide was telling the tour group.  Didn't miss a thing. 

[High Plains Drifter 11009]

3 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Starbucks, while not nasty, is way too busy for me to get comfortable.  But, in a pinch, it works.

 

 

 

 

"too busy to get comfortable?" wtf are you doing in there, taking a power nap?

 

 

[Stinkpalm 687]

3 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Starbucks, while not nasty, is way too busy for me to get comfortable.  But, in a pinch, it works.

No, closest I came was at a bus stop waiting for the campus bus.  Was standing their nice and normal, when all of a sudden last night's  Taco Cabana decided to say hello.  I calmly crossed the street and made it back to my shitter that was about a block from the bus stop.  It was close, may have shitted on the toilet seat.

 

However, when I was in the Army, yes I served you motherfuckers, this private shit during the PT run.  I think he actually passed the time if it means anything.  Anyways, thankfully we only wore brown socks.  But as we're marching back, there's shit all over his legs and he's using his canteen to try to cover it up, as if we couldn't see or smell that shit.

 

 

Most unusual place?  I went on a tour of China way back when and I don't have to tell you how odd some of their shitters were.  Anyways, went on a tour of a tea factory and inevitably, I had diahrrea, that's basically every day in China btw as the food was awful.  I go to the outhouse and the shitter, basically a porcelain hole in the ground, was concealed by two French doors.  I was maybe 20 yards from the tour so as I was kneeling, I was able to pier over the French doors and here what the tour guide was telling the tour group.  Didn't miss a thing. 

Not missing a word that the Chinese tour guide said while taking a kneeling shit may be the weirdest humblebrag I’ve ever heard

[Armybrat 40797]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Nasty porta-pots are the worst overall experience, just because you have to marinate in the pre-existing stench.

Incorrect

The old US Customs building basement shitroom - Laredo, Texas - Summer of 1962.
Leaving from Monterrey after a breakfast that included “fresh” squeezed OJ & pan dulce, and riding the chicken bus to Laredo,  I felt a lot of gut-rumblin’ going on near the end of the four hour trip. 

The Border Patrol/customs guys didn’t try to delay me when I asked in a panicked plea where was the restroom. Ran down a long flight of stairs into a big dungeon-like room with at least a dozen stalls which luckily were all vacant. By the time I started searching for a relatively clean one, the latent stench of a thousand shits and accompanying farts hit me.

Not one of the shitters was flushed, all were full of the nastiest collection of turds, and the seats & floors were festooned with smeared TP. After a frantic search, I selected the least decorated stall, dropped my shorts halfway, backed up a bit over the stained porcelain throne and proceed to carpet bomb the already filled target.
Of course there was no TP on the rollers, so I had to carefully waddle over to the paper towel dispenser that was surprisingly full. Proceeded to carefully & thankfully wipe my ass with that coarse government grade paper before the inevitable residue dingleberry dribbled down my legs.

Good thing my olfactory senses were destroyed by that initial assault on my nose, as riding the Traiways bus the rest of the way to Austin was almost a pleasant experience.

 

 

.

 

Edited March 14, 2022 by Armybrat

[Js1 85215]

Actual hole in the ground with no running water at a little shack outside the Taj Mahal.  Also cost me money for toilet paper. 

[Armybrat 40797]

Been there, done that with those Asian holes in the floor. No big deal compared to my Laredo misfortune posted above.

[closetohumping 17429]

27 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Incorrect

The old US Customs building basement shitroom - Laredo, Texas - Summer of 1962.
Leaving from Monterrey after a breakfast that included “fresh” squeezed OJ & pan dulce, and riding the chicken bus to Laredo,  I felt a lot of gut-rumblin’ going on near the end of the four hour trip. 

The Border Patrol/customs guys didn’t try to delay me when I asked in a panicked plea where was the restroom. Ran down a long flight of stairs into a big dungeon-like room with at least a dozen stalls which luckily were all vacant. By the time I started searching for a relatively clean one, the latent stench of a thousand shits and accompanying farts hit me.

Not one of the shitters was flushed, all were full of the nastiest collection of turds, and the seats & floors were festooned with smeared TP. After a frantic search, I selected the least decorated stall, dropped my shorts halfway, backed up a bit over the stained porcelain throne and proceed to carpet bomb the already filled target.
Of course there was no TP on the rollers, so I had to carefully waddle over to the paper towel dispenser that was surprisingly full. Proceeded to carefully & thankfully wipe my ass with that coarse government grade paper before the inevitable residue dingleberry dribbled down my legs.

Good thing my olfactory senses were destroyed by that initial assault on my nose, as riding the Traiways bus the rest of the way to Austin was almost a pleasant experience.

 

 

.

 

Not sure why you're surprised.  Why even bother washing your hands after that?

[Pescado_Rojo 19400]

39 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Incorrect

The old US Customs building basement shitroom - Laredo, Texas - Summer of 1962.
Leaving from Monterrey after a breakfast that included “fresh” squeezed OJ & pan dulce, and riding the chicken bus to Laredo,  I felt a lot of gut-rumblin’ going on near the end of the four hour trip. 

The Border Patrol/customs guys didn’t try to delay me when I asked in a panicked plea where was the restroom. Ran down a long flight of stairs into a big dungeon-like room with at least a dozen stalls which luckily were all vacant. By the time I started searching for a relatively clean one, the latent stench of a thousand shits and accompanying farts hit me.

Not one of the shitters was flushed, all were full of the nastiest collection of turds, and the seats & floors were festooned with smeared TP. After a frantic search, I selected the least decorated stall, dropped my shorts halfway, backed up a bit over the stained porcelain throne and proceed to carpet bomb the already filled target.
Of course there was no TP on the rollers, so I had to carefully waddle over to the paper towel dispenser that was surprisingly full. Proceeded to carefully & thankfully wipe my ass with that coarse government grade paper before the inevitable residue dingleberry dribbled down my legs.

Good thing my olfactory senses were destroyed by that initial assault on my nose, as riding the Traiways bus the rest of the way to Austin was almost a pleasant experience.

 

 

.

 

I had a similar experience on the New Jersey Turnpike circa 2002 or so. 

Next worst, the shitter in the original Austin Emo's. 

[deadshank 24652]

While elk hunting up mountain, 5 degrees out, wind screaming at 30+ mph, 3 feet of snow on the ground.  I couldn't get my poop out before we broke camp that morning.  Humped it up the mountain for 2 hours and worked up a fantabulous bowl banger.  I couldn't take it any more.  Had to squat and eject.  Peeled off my outerwear, dropped my pants and grabbed-holt of the largish sapling in front of me to assume the position and poop downhill.  

The forest-style single biff method encompassing holding on to a small tree's trunk always worked for me.  The plains-style double biff in areas where there are no trees and you go toe-to-toe with your hunting partner while holding onto each other and squatting / shitting at the same time is risky and off putting.

Well, the danged sapling uprooted and down I went.  A fine and solid ribeye turd was prairie dogging about half out the hole when I went to tumbling.  The broke off part caught me on the bottom of my jeans and chased me down the slope about 30 yards.  My eyes never left its menacing presence as it was radar locked on me and tumbling right behind.

I avoided the brunt of the grunt but still had some poop on my jeans, lots of snow in my drawers and a heck of a mess to clean up.

I did get an elk the next day so it was all good.

Edited March 14, 2022 by deadshank

[Nole-4-Life 800]

High school golf match. Was on like the 5th hole and suddenly it hit me. I dropped my clubs and thinking I could make it to the clubhouse started hobbling back that way. I got about 50 years away, in full view of diners at the clubhouse, when I had to lean against a tree, drop trou, and let her rip. I tried to keep the tree between me and the patrons, but not sure I did. I pulled up my pants and headed on to the bathroom to clean up. Headed back out to the course and grabbed my bag and continued. Shot a 37.

Never had anyone say anything to me about it but someone had to wonder who took the giant shit next to the palm tree.

[huge 3790]

54 minutes ago, deadshank said:

the next day

Well that first day was pretty shitty though

[Carl Spackler 3476]

Took over 30 posts before this obligatory shot from Trainspotting?  We are slipping . . .

P.S.:  It is wholly fitting that this post featuring the "worst toilet in Scotland" is my 2,000th in this refuge for broken-brained assholes.

Edited March 14, 2022 by Carl Spackler

[Anwar Namtut 344]

My own front yard - knew I wouldn't quite make in the house to the bathroom returning from a run. 

Also, ex's bathroom when first dating. Plugged it was was too embarrassed to say anything. They never said anything to me, either

[Anwar Namtut 344]

10 minutes ago, Anwar Namtut said:

My own front yard - knew I wouldn't quite make in the house to the bathroom returning from a run. 

Also, ex's bathroom when first dating. Plugged it was was too embarrassed to say anything. They never said anything to me, either

Meant to include a couple of days later my daughter said "there's a giant poop in the yard by the gate!" Went out to pretend to look and just said "That must have been a giant dog." Then mulched it at the next mowing.

[Classic Rock 258]

The softball 4 plex at Max Starcke Park in Seguin. The stall had really short walls and door. I could see over the top when I sat down. Buzzards were circling that place after a 3 day tournament. The place also had a peeing wall, similar the Scholz Garten at one time.

 

I guarantee you that the women's restrooms are 10 times worse than the men's at any location.

 

[closetohumping 17429]

Anyone ever have to go in the drunk tank?

[Butch Had Not 2969]

My wife claims she had to drop it ON bright angel trail at grand canyon.

I ALMOST had to do it on a glacier while roped up with two others. Thankfully I held it. 

The worst circumstances was that I was about to get laid and it hit me right when I got to the gals place and probably spent 20 minutes on her can. 

[Davis Lane 5576]

This one time the shits hit me hard while we were at a park

I headed for the first Porta Potty I could find

I had to go, man.

Fluids almost came out on the upside.

[closetohumping 17429]

56 minutes ago, Anwar Namtut said:

My own front yard - knew I wouldn't quite make in the house to the bathroom returning from a run. 

Also, ex's bathroom when first dating. Plugged it was was too embarrassed to say anything. They never said anything to me, either

Was this at night?   

[Anwar Namtut 344]

Was this at night?   

Nope. Early morning maybe 6 or 630, though. In the summer and the sun was up.

[Js1 85215]

2 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Been there, done that with those Asian holes in the floor. No big deal compared to my Laredo misfortune posted above.

Ok grandpa. Sharing stories, it’s not a competition. Dial back your supplements 

[CoTex 1160]

The bar where they give you the free shot of tequila if you buy a $1 beer, Nuevo Laredo.  Best guess is about 3 blocks east of the mercado but I kinda lost my bearings that day.

Basically take your worst story from the posts above and add the fear of the unknown that lurks with dark bathrooms in Nuevo Laredo.  Makes that trainspotting stall look like the kitchen at Jeffrey's.
 

[Underdog 28539]

Took a shit in Buffalo once, clogged up Niagara Falls.  Here’s the proof… 

 

[The Fantastic Dr. Scrote 22]

October 30, 2010, Section 248, Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, bottom of the 7th

 

Edited March 14, 2022 by The Fantastic Dr. Scrote

[closetohumping 17429]

1 minute ago, The Fantastic Dr. Scrote said:

October 30, 2010, Section 248, Rangers Ballpark in Arlington, bottom of the 7th

 

Holy shit that was you!?!?!?

[Ifiwaspresident 57]

Nonstop flight back from Shanghai.  Could feel a little rumbling, but figured I could wait it out and get home.  Through all of the government stops, still a mild presence.  Get bags, upped a notch but nothing I can't handle until I get home.  I've been gone several weeks, and looking forward to my own bathroom.  Driving home and it starts becoming more acute.  The closer I get to home the worse it gets.  Finally just a few blocks from home I realize I will not make it.  Pull over, jump out of my car, drop, squat, and release; in the street in my own neighborhood.  Thankfully it was late at night and nobody saw me.  Guarantee you someone was puzzled the next day.  Good thing it was before every house had CIA-level security camera coverage around their property.

[faps 806]

4 hours ago, davidg said:

Lobby shitter was my goto move when staying in  a hotel with the family.  Go down there, camp out in the handicapped stall and get some privacy and peace to do my business.  

Any time I use a handicapped shitter, I worry about an actual disabled person showing up.

[Scheiss Meister 8407]

The public shitter on Stinky Beach at Goose Island State Park in mid August.  It already reeked from the wind wafting the hydrogen sulfide of rotting bay plants and critters to the beach.  Stepping into the building I realized that no one who had used that shitter had ever eaten healthy, nor had they flushed.  The odor was indescribable.  The nastiest, most horrible sight and odor that I have ever encountered.

[TwiceHorn 31411]

It has been alluded to, but what do we think of the female technique of hovering over a nasty loo?

It avoids contact, and maybe reduces potential for splashback, but in my limited experience can actually cause the need for more wipage.

And the altitude can create a potential for very unpredictable splashbacks.