Worst place you've ever taken a shit

[HRSchenker 2338]

I had diarrhea during landing on a flight from Tokyo. It was awful. Not the painful cramps from the diarrhea but I kept wiping and wiping and wiping and it just wouldn't come out clean. I probably wiped at least 50 times. 

Never trust airport sushi 

[TrashMaster G 18067]

4 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Starbucks, while not nasty, is way too busy for me to get comfortable.  But, in a pinch, it works.

No, closest I came was at a bus stop waiting for the campus bus.  Was standing their nice and normal, when all of a sudden last night's  Taco Cabana decided to say hello.  I calmly crossed the street and made it back to my shitter that was about a block from the bus stop.  It was close, may have shitted on the toilet seat.

 

However, when I was in the Army, yes I served you motherfuckers, this private shit during the PT run.  I think he actually passed the time if it means anything.  Anyways, thankfully we only wore brown socks.  But as we're marching back, there's shit all over his legs and he's using his canteen to try to cover it up, as if we couldn't see or smell that shit.

 

 

Most unusual place?  I went on a tour of China way back when and I don't have to tell you how odd some of their shitters were.  Anyways, went on a tour of a tea factory and inevitably, I had diahrrea, that's basically every day in China btw as the food was awful.  I go to the outhouse and the shitter, basically a porcelain hole in the ground, was concealed by two French doors.  I was maybe 20 yards from the tour so as I was kneeling, I was able to pier over the French doors and here what the tour guide was telling the tour group.  Didn't miss a thing. 

*there

*peer

*hear

[closetohumping 17803]

31 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

It has been alluded to, but what do we think of the female technique of hovering over a nasty loo?

It avoids contact, and maybe reduces potential for splashback, but in my limited experience can actually cause the need for more wipage.

And the altitude can create a potential for very unpredictable splashbacks.

Here's how the scenario plays out for a guy like me:

 

Big splash back hits my ass.  I panic, slip and fall.  Hip breaks.

[formermav43 4617]

5 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I feel like this thread should tilt more to unusual or comprising places you've been forced to shit.  I think everyone has had to suck it up and dump in a rancid kybo before.

I have literally never crapped in a public bathroom in my life. Never even been in a porta potty.

Im sure I just jinxed myself.

[Helobious 9813]

32 minutes ago, formermav43 said:

I have literally never crapped in a public bathroom in my life. Never even been in a porta potty.

Im sure I just jinxed myself.

There’s no way that’s possible. 

[SHOOTER12 8886]

1 hour ago, closetohumping said:

Here's how the scenario plays out for a guy like me:

 

Big splash back hits my ass.  I panic, slip and fall.  Hip breaks.

Wish I could rep this more than once.  Gagged laughing so hard and blew Black Velvet Reserve out of my nose and 6' across the porch. 

[Al_4_ISU 12622]

I have literally never crapped in a public bathroom in my life. Never even been in a porta potty.
Im sure I just jinxed myself.

I have an extremely hard time believing this, unless you have a very liberal definition of what constitutes a private bathroom

[formermav43 4617]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I have an extremely hard time believing this, unless you have a very liberal definition of what constitutes a private bathroom

Fair enough, you’re probably right. If you count hotels (like others have on this thread), then yes I have. But only in my personal room. Also at work on rare occasions, but only in a private bathroom when no one else was in the building. So maybe I shouldn’t say I’ve never used a public restroom technically.

But gas station, store, rest stop, restaurant, etc.-never.

[Sbbruin 22142]

2 hours ago, HRSchenker said:

I had diarrhea during landing on a flight from Tokyo. It was awful. Not the painful cramps from the diarrhea but I kept wiping and wiping and wiping and it just wouldn't come out clean. I probably wiped at least 50 times. 

Never trust airport sushi 

[Al_4_ISU 12622]

Fair enough, you’re probably right. If you count hotels (like others have on this thread), then yes I have. But only in my personal room. Also at work on rare occasions, but only in a private bathroom when no one else was in the building. So maybe I shouldn’t say I’ve never used a public restroom technically.
But gas station, store, rest stop, restaurant, etc.-never.

Yeah, I would call those all public restrooms.

Like you, I seek privacy and comfort when dumping. I utilize the quietest most private bathroom as much as possible.

[Chewbacca 7828]

8 hours ago, davidg said:

Lobby shitter was my goto move when staying in  a hotel with the family.  Go down there, camp out in the handicapped stall and get some privacy and peace to do my business.  

You need to stay at the Bardessono hotel in Yountville, CA.  Lobby shitters have heated seats and bidets.  They are nicer than the toilets in the rooms.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9508]

I shit somewhere once in Oklahoma. Gotta be the worst place I've ever taken a shit.

[luke duke 6449]

One of the guys on The Howard Stern Show told a story about going into a port-a-potty at the Belmont. The shit was above the rim and there was an imprint of someone’s butt cheeks in the shit.

[ChickenSandwich 9939]

Girlfriend had those stackable cat squares in living room. Pissed in one with a hole on the top next to custom couch.  She didn’t find it as funny as I did.  

[tx ind 7057]

Peach Bowl at the old Georgia Dome, the best part was my shit was so bad I heard people in the bathroom asking if someone had died in there from outside the stall door.

[Yosemite Sam 28]

Behind a too skinny tree, 30 feet from a major intersection outside the Miami airport. 
 

Had just gotten off a 7 day cruise and had eaten like you might expect - cake for breakfast, pizza at 3 AM…sure, why not.  Fair to say my system wasn’t handling it the best and I was a bit “backed up”. Sure enough, the wife’s family wants to hit a Thai place immediately upon getting back to shore and before we fly home. 
 

It didn’t take long and from the rumble in my shorts I knew this had been a mistake. Rolled the dice and thought I could at least finish dinner, make it to the comparative luxury of the airport bathroom vs the restaurant shitter, next to my wife’s entire family. Mistake.

Get out to the car after dinner and I know it’s go time but we’ve got to get gas in the rental. First couple stations look like they’re closed but hallelujah the third is open! I fly into the lot, get out the car and sprint to the door. Doors closed. Friendly guy behind the counter doesn’t seem concerned with the pending eruption and says something about crazy people thinking a store in that neighborhood would be open after dark.

I looked around, grabbed some paper from the wife and hauled ass behind the nearest tree. This was a small tree and anyone at the intersection could have seen me and the two chicks parked 10 feet in front of me sure as shit saw me, but I’ll be damned if it’s never felt better to do the deed. 

[ChickenSandwich 9939]

Long line at Jack in the box. Jumped out to piss, in pitch black didn’t see it was a ditch and didn’t see the huge hole in the ground. Limped backed to the car with a broken ankle  

 

2 tacos please. 

[closetohumping 17803]

4 minutes ago, Yosemite Sam said:

Behind a too skinny tree, 30 feet from a major intersection outside the Miami airport. 
 

Had just gotten off a 7 day cruise and had eaten like you might expect - cake for breakfast, pizza at 3 AM…sure, why not.  Fair to say my system wasn’t handling it the best and I was a bit “backed up”. Sure enough, the wife’s family wants to hit a Thai place immediately upon getting back to shore and before we fly home. 
 

It didn’t take long and from the rumble in my shorts I knew this had been a mistake. Rolled the dice and thought I could at least finish dinner, make it to the comparative luxury of the airport bathroom vs the restaurant shitter, next to my wife’s entire family. Mistake.

Get out to the car after dinner and I know it’s go time but we’ve got to get gas in the rental. First couple stations look like they’re closed but hallelujah the third is open! I fly into the lot, get out the car and sprint to the door. Doors closed. Friendly guy behind the counter doesn’t seem concerned with the pending eruption and says something about crazy people thinking a store in that neighborhood would be open after dark.

I looked around, grabbed some paper from the wife and hauled ass behind the nearest tree. This was a small tree and anyone at the intersection could have seen me and the two chicks parked 10 feet in front of me sure as shit saw me, but I’ll be damned if it’s never felt better to do the deed. 

Been a member for 13 months and this is your first and only post.  Well done 

[Gil Bang 26229]

9 hours ago, closetohumping said:

My buddy: porto potty at the Willie Nelson July 4th picnic.  South Park meadows.  50k people, 100 degrees.  He also went in the outhouse at the Terlingua chili cook off

Me: Girlfriend's closet.

 

I will absolutely shit myself before shitting in a port o potty.

i had a pretty lucrative career in the construction industry.  My main motivation for leaving was portable shitters.  No dignity at all. 

[lemonandaturd 4289]

Side of the road between Rockdale and Hearne.

[dingleberryswitzer 2724]

Restrooms at big bend during a government shutdown.  Water stopped working and none of the maintenance staff was working.  Luckily I got in before they locked the doors later that day

[Stunns38 3796]

A bar in Rosarito Mexico. Had explosive diarrhea after eating some shrimp tacos down there (idiotic). Worst part, my buddy came to check on me and handed me a beer under the stall. Then one of the bar employees thought we were dealing drugs and about 5 federalies came in the bathroom while I had a raw ass.got questioned and interrogated for 30 mins. Luckily, most of us spoke coherent Spanish and they let us go.

Got stuck driving everyone drunk ass back from (parked there at border) San Diego to Newport Beach at 5am later on. No one got laid. All around shitty night.

[CooterBrown 18287]

Old ass rest stop out in the desert outside of El Paso. One of those with no roof so the rain cleans the bathroom. The shitters only had a waist high wall so you could see someone about to jump you and maybe you’d have a fighting chance of pulling up your pants first. There was an old beater car parked out front and no one around. I was sure the risk of dying by chainsaw was at the highest point ever in my life.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

For the folks that visit the photography thread, y’all already know some of the crazy, weird and decaying places I visit. I don’t know if these qualify as “worst” but maybe more memorable shits.

1. I was on my way to do some photography with a friend in east Texas. Along the way I wanted to photograph an abandoned church. However, I arrived when it was still to dark to get some good shots. While I waited for the sun to come up, I got the bubble guts. I tried and tried to ignore it, but ultimately, the shit won. And in God’s house, I shat on the floor a gruesome and gnarly diarrhea. I had to wipe my ass with some paper I found in the church. I am not a christian or religious, but I have a feeling Jesus understood my plight and has forgiven me.

2. I was in a small train yard in Houston taking pictures of graffiti when the gurgling started. There was no way I could deny my bowels and evacuation commenced. There aren’t trees/leaves in train yards, so I went to the graffiti writer trick of wiping one’s ass with one’s socks. Damn, those adidas socks were some expensive shit paper.

To circle back around to be more topic specific, I will add this:

When I graduated high school, 3 friends and I took a 3 week road trip from Houston to Big Sky, Montana. I forget where, but I think it was west texas in a mild dust storm we stopped at what was basically an abandoned gas station. One guy, who went on to play baseball at Baylor then the minor leagues, had to shit. The bathroom was epically disgusting. Just shy of the scene in Trainspotting. This motherfucker who I love for life, didn’t even put paper down on the seat. Just popped a squat and took his shit. Ducking nasty, but much respect. As an aside, his mom passed away recently. RIP and I love you Jon. Pals.

[futureman 22691]

10 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I feel like this thread should tilt more to unusual or comprising places you've been forced to shit. 

I once sprayed diarrhea in the bushes about six feet off the town lake trail. it was a desperate emergency that called for moral compromises and rash decisions. the window was precariously small but I was able to drop trou, explode, and get the britches back up in roughly 8-10 seconds. 

[McCroskey 1510]

I once had to stop at a Home Depot in Wichita, Kansas.

It made the news.

 

 

[NWBuck 8628]

Buddy of mine in college did something similar to this after a long day drinking and eating greasy wings.

Not planned, just a crime of convenience

Edited March 15, 2022 by NWBuck

[Guest Lobo]

11 hours ago, formermav43 said:

Fair enough, you’re probably right. If you count hotels (like others have on this thread), then yes I have. But only in my personal room. Also at work on rare occasions, but only in a private bathroom when no one else was in the building. So maybe I shouldn’t say I’ve never used a public restroom technically.

But gas station, store, rest stop, restaurant, etc.-never.

'When no one else was in the building'???  Do you make everybody clear the facility whenever you have to take a shit?  That's gotta be an awkward announcement.  

 

[52-80 19377]

19 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Been there, done that with those Asian holes in the floor. No big deal compared to my Laredo misfortune posted above.

Oh god, these fucking things.  Actually they themselves are not bad - I think the position is ergonomically superior.  It's that these floor-level squat toilets by themselves, in the absence of a urinal, usually in a 'poorer' place, means they're typically submerged under a film of filth. 

And worse, they're installed where the climate is hot and you're often in sandals.  Not sure where I've experienced them worse, in rural Turkey, or south Asia, or southeast Asia, but I feel like burning my footwear afterwards.

[Victorious1 181]

Summer overnight fishing trip out on Matagorda Island circa 90's.

Growler had been slowly building and everyone decided to shut it down around 2AM in the morning.  I figured I would be better off taking care of business before going to sleep so I walked 100 yards away from camp on an open sandy flat where there were fewer mosquitos and dropped my shorts.

Halfway through evacuation I hear the strange sound of water starting to get louder and louder and was WTF?  Then, out of the darkness it starts pouring rain...I'm squatting out in the open trying to finish pushing out a huge, stubborn log and keep my TP dry.  I end up wiping my ass with soggy TP, walking back to camp in the rain and trying to sleep while soaking wet and fucking mosquitos buzzing my face the rest of the night. 

The misery was kind of offset with the shit load of fish we caught.

[Crapinon 2373]

My dad had lots of family that lived in Eagle Lake. One of them lived in an old sharecroppers shack that had no indoor plumbing. They didn't move into a house with plumbing until 1980. The outhouse at their old house was wedged between two barns and couldn't be moved. So instead of digging a hole and covering it up when it was full and digging a new hole, they took a dump on the same spot for 20 years. It was disgusting. When I was a kid I could go 3 days without taking a dump  because I wouldn't use it. 

[52-80 19377]

There's a 50% chance this is the exact house that would be my wife's answer

We're honeymooning in Zanzibar, and she had unknowingly contracted the megashits from breakfast.  We're in the hotel taxi heading to a tour of Freddie Mercury's house, when the breakfast comes knocking on the backdoor.  It's rural as all fuck so driver pulls over here and asks the occupant if she could use the toilet. 

They lead her into the 'bathroom'.  House is dirt-floored.  Entire place is unlit, which is fortunate that she can't 'see' how filthy the bathroom is.  She blasts the hashbrowns and eggs benedict out, then emerges from the house in a full sweat, from the heat, from the smell, from her own condition.  We head back to the hotel. 

I never got to see Freddie's birthplace afterall. 

[Juicy 729]

d

Edited March 15, 2022 by Juicy
delete

[closetohumping 17803]

1 hour ago, Crapinon said:

My dad had lots of family that lived in Eagle Lake. One of them lived in an old sharecroppers shack that had no indoor plumbing. They didn't move into a house with plumbing until 1980. The outhouse at their old house was wedged between two barns and couldn't be moved. So instead of digging a hole and covering it up when it was full and digging a new hole, they took a dump on the same spot for 20 years. It was disgusting. When I was a kid I could go 3 days without taking a dump  because I wouldn't use it. 

User name.

 

 

Now, where would you not drop a deuce? I used to work in an office where the shitter was right next to the hot secretary's desk.  So, I'd go upstairs and use the senior guy's shitter instead.  And they would throw a fit about it of course.

Edited March 15, 2022 by closetohumping

[Elvis 3437]

Nascar 2003.  We brought our RVs, but I demanded everyone use the porta potties just across from our spot.  Well it was my time to porta dump, and the wind kicked up something fierce.  The potty started rockin and I got my shit together real quick and got the fuck out. 

One step out of the potty and I hear/feel the wind blowing it over toward me, so I fire off like an outside line backer.  I get clear of it just in time.  The whole bank of 4 porta potties blew over face down. 

Luckily no one else was in one, or they would have had the worst shit of their life. 

If I would have gotten slam dumped, I would have wanted to go to the hospital for a cleaning.

[midtown 3354]

In a bar in nyc which in itself isn't necessarily always disgusting but someone had thrown up in the corner of the stall but I had to go due to having Indian food that eve.  Pushing out while trying not to throw up was tough.  From now on.  Indian food is home after only cuisine. 

Edited March 15, 2022 by midtown

[closetohumping 17803]

26 minutes ago, midtown said:

In a bar in nyc which in itself isn't necessarily always disgusting but someone had thrown up in the corner of the stall but I had to go due to having Indian food that eve.  Pushing out while trying not to throw up was tough.  From now on.  Indian food is home after only cuisine. 

This is the second post that gives me the Along came Polly vibe.  Great movie.  Also, they say food poisoning doesn't really hit for 24 hours.  I've found that to be not true.  Had some oysters at a Chinese buffet and it was instant ragerts.

[TexPx 2331]

How it started


How it ended

[closetohumping 17803]

14 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Yeah, I would call those all public restrooms.

Like you, I seek privacy and comfort when dumping. I utilize the quietest most private bathroom as much as possible.

For sure.  When I used to work in an office, scoping out which floors had nice quiet shitters was a must.  

[SHOOTER12 8886]

20 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

This is the second post that gives me the Along came Polly vibe.  Great movie.  Also, they say food poisoning doesn't really hit for 24 hours.  I've found that to be not true.  Had some oysters at a Chinese buffet and it was instant ragerts.

IMHO I think the 24 hours thing is pure bullshit 

[Armybrat 41373]

15 hours ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Girlfriend had those stackable cat squares in living room. Pissed in one with a hole on the top next to custom couch.  She didn’t find it as funny as I did.  

While at UT, one of my friends pissed in the fraternity president’s acoustic guitar during a kegger.

[Noah Fence 489]

19 hours ago, CoTex said:

The bar where they give you the free shot of tequila if you buy a $1 beer, Nuevo Laredo.  Best guess is about 3 blocks east of the mercado but I kinda lost my bearings that day.

Basically take your worst story from the posts above and add the fear of the unknown that lurks with dark bathrooms in Nuevo Laredo.  Makes that trainspotting stall look like the kitchen at Jeffrey's.
 

Can confirm.  Taken a shit in some nasty places, and this is the worst.

[Hook1997 5503]

New Orleans in college for a Tulane game.  We go eat at Acme and some friend of a friend pays another guy at the table like $100 if he can finish a pitcher of beer in a minute, done.  Dbag guy proceeds to pour a small drink glass about half full of Tabasco and says he’d give someone another $100 to drink it, I’m a broke college kid and spice especially Tabasco doesn’t bother me so down the hatch.  I’m like fuck it my drinks are paid for tonight.  About a hour later we are at some grimy Bourbon St bar and it hits me….   There’s a line out the door of course and I’m cliching, get in the door and there’s two troughs and one shitter with no door. Guy comes out the shitter and I’m like I’m sorry I’ve got to go and cut the line.  Have time to give the seat a quick wipe then unleash a volcano of Tabasco and shit and just sit there and say I’m sorry it wasn’t going to wait, to a mixture of laughter and disgust.  Got the demons out and continued to drink on my free money.  

[speed817 19890]

Freshman year 1999, Airport Rave.....worst 10 minutes ever but good times that weekend 🤣

[closetohumping 17803]

51 minutes ago, Hook1997 said:

New Orleans in college for a Tulane game.  We go eat at Acme and some friend of a friend pays another guy at the table like $100 if he can finish a pitcher of beer in a minute, done.  Dbag guy proceeds to pour a small drink glass about half full of Tabasco and says he’d give someone another $100 to drink it, I’m a broke college kid and spice especially Tabasco doesn’t bother me so down the hatch.  I’m like fuck it my drinks are paid for tonight.  About a hour later we are at some grimy Bourbon St bar and it hits me….   There’s a line out the door of course and I’m cliching, get in the door and there’s two troughs and one shitter with no door. Guy comes out the shitter and I’m like I’m sorry I’ve got to go and cut the line.  Have time to give the seat a quick wipe then unleash a volcano of Tabasco and shit and just sit there and say I’m sorry it wasn’t going to wait, to a mixture of laughter and disgust.  Got the demons out and continued to drink on my free money.  

Profile pic

[4th&Five 41969]

We drove to the Ok St. game in '99 and stopped at McDonald's somewhere south of OKC on the way back to Dallas.  We couldn't even make it to the border before we had to pull over at a disgusting Oklahoma rest stop (cue Something About Mary gif) and shit for the next half hour.  I'm sure wearing UT stuff had nothing to do with whatever they fed us.

[Johnny Sack 8397]

Sharkey's bar in Port Aransas Memorial Day weekend 2004.  Now wife and I had just started talking and were on a group trip with mutual friends.  My stomach was upset because we had eaten fried stuff for dinner and back then I was a health nut so stomach not used to it.  I did not want to go out that night because I felt like shit.  I went because wife was (and is) hot and that's undefeated.  

About an hour into it, my stomach is on fire and guts are churning.  I go into the nasty bathroom, which is about 90+ degrees due to no A/C and smelly like you would assume a non-airconditioned bar bathroom would be on a weekend when the place is packed.  I sit down and take a shit like the scene from Dumb and Dumber.  The stalls have no doors and there are people just walking by while I am shitting out my intestines.

Did feel better and started drinking again once that was over.

 

[Guest Lobo]

Worst shit---at gunpoint near the trunk of a car.

Second worst shit-Randall's

[You don't know me 1163]

1. Port-o-Potty in Baghdad.  Summer was BRUTAL.

2. Wooden outhouse shitter in Pohang, Korea at Marine Expeditionary Camp - Pohang (MECP).  Wooden outhouse with 55 gallon drum underneath to catch the goodies.  Some wannabe engineer Marine decided that a toilet seat screwed to the hole was a good idea (and it probably was).  Unfortunately, some logistician (possibly a Russian given the news of today) didn't think to contract a shit sucker until after we got there.  After just a few days, the shit was piled up above the toilet seat.  Once it got to that point, I was not utilizing the facilities.  I found it curious how someone did it at that point, though.  It was obviously a hovering aerial bombardment, but holy cow that would be brutal.

3. Guantamano Bay in the early 90's.  The Air Force brought in portable shitters and showers and they were not climate controlled.  They rolled the window flaps up on the tents and the toilets were elevated.  It wasn't that it was a bad place to shit, but you kind of felt like you were on stage taking care of business as people were walking by outside and could see you through the window flaps.

Korea was in the late 80's.  My understanding is that MECP has been built up quite a bit since then.  I'm fairly certain that they have indoor plumbing now, but back then it wasn't too posh.

I have taken a shit in which most people would consider undesirable places, but the relief far outweighed the bad atmosphere.

[Elvis 3437]

I've got another one....

Circa 2017 Priscilla and I are shopping for new bathroom designs.  We're in a big store with dozens of mocked up bathroom designs , but none of them are functional.  

Dozens of beautiful bathrooms everywhere you look. 

We loose site of 4 year old Elvis Jr. for a bit, but don't notice right away. 

Priscilla and me and a couple of tile salesman spread out to find him.  It didn't take long.  

He was so proud.  

He dropped a huge stinking sticky log in a non-working display toilet.  It was really quite breathtaking.  

There was no way to be mad at a 4yo for not understanding that this was not Willy Wonkas chocolate factory of magical toilets.  

P.S.   -  I'll always wonder how he chose that fake bathroom and toilet and bathroom out of the dozens of choices.   It probably says something about both of us.