Worst place you've ever taken a shit

[Elvis 3,437]

Now read that in Morgan Freeman’s voice. 

[RollLeft 5,090]

When we were kids we camped at Enchanted Rock and it was tradition to hike up before dawn and watch the sun rise.  This one time we had eaten chili dogs for dinner the night before.  We hiked all the way up and then felt the bulge in my gut as i laid in my sleeping bag.  I didn't have time to hike down and still catch the show.  I headed toward the cave area and left a surprise.  No, I didn't need those socks.  

Also, during college i must have driven to L.A. over a dozen times.  Lordsburg NM and Blythe CA are terrible stops to take a dump.  Disgusting shitters.

Edited March 16, 2022 by RollLeft

[Guadaloopy 11,128]

I’ll add another to the list of run induced shits.  I was 5 miles into a 6 miler and there was no way I was making it back to base.  Fortunately, there was a golf course right along the home stretch.  I tried to get into one of the toilets, but it was locked up tight.  Ended up dropping the load next to a tree right off the third green.  I’m sure some poor hacker was surprised by that hazard.  
 

1995 - During my first tour in San Diego, a few Navy buddies and I decide to take a football road trip to Tempe.   It was a spur of the moment decision to go catch a Sun Devils game on Saturday and since one of our group was a big Eagles fan, catch them when they played the Cardinals the next day.  We didn’t book a hotel or anything, just hopped in the car and drove straight to campus, found parking, bought tickets from a scalper, and went to the game.  We went straight from the game to go drink at the bars right off campus. 
 

The plan was to have a few and then go find a cheap hotel.  We drink more than a few, and somehow I get separated from my friends.   I look for them for about a half hour before I decide to go back to the car and wait for them there.  We had parked in a small parking garage next to one of the dorms.  My buddy had driven, so I was locked out of the car.  
 

While waiting for my friends, the day’s road food, stadium food, and many, many beers make their intended escape known, forcefully.   It was way past 2 am and everything is closed up at this point.  The only option presented by my drunken brain in this dire situation was to go behind a dumpster next to the garage.  Wasn’t wearing socks, so I had to sacrifice my underwear for the wipe.   This was my lowest moment.  

[Longhornstampede 3,213]

Not my worst but one of the more unusual shits I've taken. On hwy 90 between Uvalde and Brackettville '88 or '89 around 1030pm. Pulling out of Uvalde I felt some pressure but figured I could hold it off for the last hour of the drive. Nope. It started getting critical but I didn't want to pull over on the side of the road because by then it was well known that illegals were all over the place in the brush along the road. I was able to hold out long enough to reach the big double bridge that crosses the Nueces and no one could approach the truck. It has a decent size shoulder so I pull over, drp trou and squat with my back against the side of the truck for support. Dad always told me to keep a roll behind the seat just in case. And this was just the case. I finish my business and as I get back in the truck a DPS trooper pulls up. He asks why I was stopped on the bridge. I explained my reasoning and offered to show him the evidence. He said that's ok, just be safe getting home. After I pulled off I'm sure he could see the giant Hershey kiss looking dookie I had left on the shoulder of the bridge. Since I had thrown my tp over the guardrail I was laughing that he might think I hadn't wiped!

 

Worst was sitting on the beach in Puerto Peñasco back in the 90s before it had become the tourist town it is now. I had a huge shrimp cocktail for lunch. Later on sitting on the beach molten lava began rumbling. No porta potties in sight. I penguin walked out into the water where it was almost chest high. Removed my trunks and proceeded to make my own shark repellent. Swam away from the cloud to clean up in clearer water. Slipped my trunks back on and went back to my towel on the sand.

[Litig8r 418]

On 3/14/2022 at 11:37 AM, davidg said:

Lobby shitter was my goto move when staying in  a hotel with the family.  Go down there, camp out in the handicapped stall and get some privacy and peace to do my business.  

Pro move there

 

[Litig8r 418]

Mt. Rainier Camp Muir.  Not enough O2 for the waste to waste away.  The left side is generally the pisser.  Wearing goggles is a must on that side.  Full gas mask suggest for the shitter side.

[Litig8r 418]

Well the shit talk has got me flowing.  Guadalopy got me thinking.  I did a 100 mile bike ride about 10 years ago.  About 75 miles into it, we stopped at country store for some energy and hydration.  I got a snickers bar and a oatmeal cream cookie deal.  At about mile 97 we had to cross this bridge and that was when it hit.  I road up the bridge and down with in full clinch pucker mode.  We made it to the Boss Oyster restaurant where relief was available.  Getting those cycling bibs down was accomplished in record time and the explosion commenced.  Feeling I had resolved the problem, I decided on extra hot buffalo wings and about a pitcher and half of beer.  We had someone pick up in a car for the drive home. Just so turns out the problem was not resolved and about every 20 miles, it was time again.  Of course the friends that rode with me were tormentors and would throw rocks at me while I shit in the woods.

  

[Longboard Horn 41,350]

McDonald's bathroom, portapotty at SXSW(fucking disgusting, never again), and a girlfriend's place. It was so bad I clogged her toilet. 

[closetohumping 17,803]

1 hour ago, Longboard Horn said:

McDonald's bathroom, portapotty at SXSW(fucking disgusting, never again), and a girlfriend's place. It was so bad I clogged her toilet. 

Great.  You just reminded me of a time a one night stand clogged my shitter up.

 

Back to the Army story.  The guy was pretty fat, even my civilian standards, like 190 and 5'7"?  So apparently he was running with a pacer and predictably struggling.  The drill sergeant screams "you got one minute Private Pyle!"

 

Pyle : Fuck I gotta go!

Pacer : Yea, pick up the pace!!

 

Pyle: No man, I really have to go!!!

 

And then he proceeds to shit himself. 

 

I wanna say he actually passed the run, not positive he did, but I think he did.

 

Edited March 16, 2022 by closetohumping

[Gil Bang 26,229]

On 3/15/2022 at 7:28 AM, closetohumping said:

User name.

 

 

Now, where would you not drop a deuce? I used to work in an office where the shitter was right next to the hot secretary's desk.  So, I'd go upstairs and use the senior guy's shitter instead.  And they would throw a fit about it of course.

Yeah, every time I've worked in an office, day 1 of my employment is spent doing recon looking for the best shitter. 

[Beau Vine 55,856]

On 3/14/2022 at 11:35 AM, Al_4_ISU said:

Since we now have 2 running induced emergency shits on the board, has anyone actually shit themselves while running?

I took a shit in the ravine across the street from Wellesley College.  Degree of difficulty: I was running the Boston Marathon at the time, so I could hear all the girls screaming.  

[Guest Lobo]

2 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I took a shit in the ravine across the street from Wellesley College.  Degree of difficulty: I was running the Boston Marathon at the time, so I could hear all the girls screaming.  

There is so much more wrong with this post than I think you realize.  

[Beau Vine 55,856]

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

There is so much more wrong with this post than I think you realize.  

 

[mulletpelini 5,225]

Not me but a guy I worked with about 20 years ago.  I had a private bathroom in my office, he did not like to use public so I always let him use mine.  One day, I finally asked him why.  I never questioned it again.

He was at a bar in Lawrence (don't remember the name) but it had a toilet and a urinal right next to each other, with no divider.  He goes in, there's a guy pissing at the urinal.  He wanted to wait, but can't, so he just sits down on the toilet and starts shitting.  He says he's literally about 3 inches away from the guy, with the dudes dick right there next to him, and the guy ain't trying to move away one bit.  The guy is chuckling because of this.  Eventually he leaves but our hero is still shitting and cannot reach the lock to lock the door.  After a bit the guy that was pissing next to him a minute earlier opens the door and has his friend and their two girlfriends there, all laughing because they can see him shitting.

[deadshank 24,654]

56 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

Not me but a guy I worked with about 20 years ago.  I had a private bathroom in my office, he did not like to use public so I always let him use mine.  One day, I finally asked him why.  I never questioned it again.

He was at a bar in Lawrence (don't remember the name) but it had a toilet and a urinal right next to each other, with no divider.  He goes in, there's a guy pissing at the urinal.  He wanted to wait, but can't, so he just sits down on the toilet and starts shitting.  He says he's literally about 3 inches away from the guy, with the dudes dick right there next to him, and the guy ain't trying to move away one bit.  The guy is chuckling because of this.  Eventually he leaves but our hero is still shitting and cannot reach the lock to lock the door.  After a bit the guy that was pissing next to him a minute earlier opens the door and has his friend and their two girlfriends there, all laughing because they can see him shitting.

Sounds like the worst place ever to take a piss. 

[Beau Vine 55,856]

1 hour ago, mulletpelini said:

Not me but a guy I worked with about 20 years ago.  I had a private bathroom in my office, he did not like to use public so I always let him use mine.  One day, I finally asked him why.  I never questioned it again.

He was at a bar in Lawrence (don't remember the name) but it had a toilet and a urinal right next to each other, with no divider.  He goes in, there's a guy pissing at the urinal.  He wanted to wait, but can't, so he just sits down on the toilet and starts shitting.  He says he's literally about 3 inches away from the guy, with the dudes dick right there next to him, and the guy ain't trying to move away one bit.  The guy is chuckling because of this.  Eventually he leaves but our hero is still shitting and cannot reach the lock to lock the door.  After a bit the guy that was pissing next to him a minute earlier opens the door and has his friend and their two girlfriends there, all laughing because they can see him shitting.

You're lying.  It was you!

[52-80 19,377]

9 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Not me but a guy I worked with about 20 years ago.  I had a private bathroom in my office, he did not like to use public so I always let him use mine.  One day, I finally asked him why.  I never questioned it again.

He was at a bar in Lawrence (don't remember the name) but it had a toilet and a urinal right next to each other, with no divider.  He goes in, there's a guy pissing at the urinal.  He wanted to wait, but can't, so he just sits down on the toilet and starts shitting.  He says he's literally about 3 inches away from the guy, with the dudes dick right there next to him, and the guy ain't trying to move away one bit.  The guy is chuckling because of this.  Eventually he leaves but our hero is still shitting and cannot reach the lock to lock the door.  After a bit the guy that was pissing next to him a minute earlier opens the door and has his friend and their two girlfriends there, all laughing because they can see him shitting.

 

[Mo Horn 8,937]

Was on a bus in the middle of nowhere Peru and it was the middle of the night. Bus was hot and I was trying not to hurl and my gut was about to explode. They had a rule that you could only piss in the bus toilet. We stopped at some random truck stop and I told the attendant I needed to go. Got off the bus, had no idea where I was, so walked about 50 feet away where it was semi dark and found a spot to blow. I have no idea if anyone could see me, and I didn't really care. Had no paper so I pulled my handkerchief out of my pocket, wiped, and just dropped it there. I might have done it right where everyone walked, or everyone could see once it got light. I didn't care. Got back on the bus, and went on my way. 

[TwiceHorn 32,049]

On 3/15/2022 at 10:22 AM, TexPx said:

How it started


How it ended

I'm a bit baffled by this one.  I have not used an azn toilet, but I have seen them IRL and in photos.  It appears that you are to place your feet inside that?  I have seen the "pedals" outside the "bowl" on the floor before, but not like that.  That seems a little extra nasty.

[mininghorn88 2,336]

2 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I'm a bit baffled by this one.  I have not used an azn toilet, but I have seen them IRL and in photos.  It appears that you are to place your feet inside that?  I have seen the "pedals" outside the "bowl" on the floor before, but not like that.  That seems a little extra nasty.

The only thing missing in the bottom photo is the waste basket off in the corner that has all of the used toilet paper in it.

I have levitated above toilets similar to this in India and China. Never a fun moment.

[Sam Lin 3,597]

Yours have toilet paper? Most of the ones in Thailand don't. Bring your own. You learn to carry a pack of TP really quickly here.

[Sbbruin 22,142]

On 3/15/2022 at 8:22 AM, TexPx said:

How it started


How it ended

Damn, dude, that's a tiny shithole.  Sometimes I go Wagner Power Painter and that certainly would NOT work here.

[tx ind 7,057]

16 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

 

[fattyflattie 4,640]

On 3/14/2022 at 11:30 AM, Spaulding Smails said:

Sidebar... while in outside sales many moons ago, my colleagues and I coined the term "Hampton Inn Pitstop".  Walk into a Hampton Inn or other mid-range hotel, and calmly walk by the front desk to the lobby shitter.  Almost always immaculate and rarely occupied.  Because, who shits in the lobby of a hotel when you have a room there?  Walk right back out like you own the joint.  

I've been doing this for as long as I can remember.  Had a cunt at Best Western in San Angelo refuse my wife and daughter this weekend, first time ever. Kid was about to piss herself on a road trip and that's the best we could find in that moment.  Bitch. 

[fattyflattie 4,640]

Would also like to add, have ruined the bathroom of a date I was about to fuck, which set me back a solid week or two on that.  That seems to be a right of passage deal.  Worst ever, probably Maddens on a holiday weekend. Have shit in untold amounts of portapotties.  Asia was interesting, but was able to mostly avoid the hole in the floors, mostly.  I've got a terrible gut and don't eat very healthy, so I've likely had many, many more "emergency" situations than the average guy who somewhat tries to eat right.  

[Aqua Buddha 14,802]

Just last month in Marshall, Texas.  Checked into the hotel.  Was told the town didn't have water because they have the infrastructure of a second world country.  (See the thread in DT.)  I was on the backend end of a stomach bug but had been OK until that point.  Was told the toilets might have one flush in them but that's it.  So, I go down to the lobby to use that bathroom.  I absolutely had to go.  Alas, the toilet wouldn't flush.  I felt awful for the cleaning staff, I really did.  Then, as I'm leaving the bathroom, I notice the other toilet with the same problem.

Oh, and using the hotel lobby bathroom for a shit is my go to move when traveling with the wife.  By myself, I just use the one in the room.  I thought I was one of the few that did that but I guess not.  I rarely see anyone in there, though.

There are SOOOOO many running stories about people shitting.  

[TwiceHorn 32,049]

1 hour ago, Sam Lin said:

Yours have toilet paper? Most of the ones in Thailand don't. Bring your own. You learn to carry a pack of TP really quickly here.

In India at least, there's no toilet paper but a bucket of water and a faucet to wash your hand off with. 🤢🤢

I will defer to your username and azn living experience, but I would not be surprised if the intention is that you do the poop digging and hand wash.

[TwiceHorn 32,049]

1 hour ago, Sbbruin said:

Damn, dude, that's a tiny shithole.  Sometimes I go Wagner Power Painter and that certainly would NOT work here.

Exactly.  That seems a recipe to get poopy on your shoes.  And I guess if you chant "I break with thee" three times, you're divorced.

[Sbbruin 22,142]

3 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

 And I guess if you chant "I break with thee" three times, you're divorced.

Damn, @hornian would go broke quick if that's all it took.

[Sam Lin 3,597]

4 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

In India at least, there's no toilet paper but a bucket of water and a faucet to wash your hand off with. 🤢🤢

I will defer to your username and azn living experience, but I would not be surprised if the intention is that you do the poop digging and hand wash.

Yeah, that's the usual arrangement in Thailand as well. I've managed to avoid it, but there have been some lucky coincidences involved.

[Scheiss Meister 8,466]

On 3/17/2022 at 8:27 PM, mulletpelini said:

Not me but a guy I worked with about 20 years ago.  I had a private bathroom in my office, he did not like to use public so I always let him use mine.  One day, I finally asked him why.  I never questioned it again.

He was at a bar in Lawrence (don't remember the name) but it had a toilet and a urinal right next to each other, with no divider.  He goes in, there's a guy pissing at the urinal.  He wanted to wait, but can't, so he just sits down on the toilet and starts shitting.  He says he's literally about 3 inches away from the guy, with the dudes dick right there next to him, and the guy ain't trying to move away one bit.  The guy is chuckling because of this.  Eventually he leaves but our hero is still shitting and cannot reach the lock to lock the door.  After a bit the guy that was pissing next to him a minute earlier opens the door and has his friend and their two girlfriends there, all laughing because they can see him shitting.

Maybe something like that's why William Quantrill went all Ghengis Khan on Lawrence.

Edited March 19, 2022 by Scheiss Meister

[RPM 26,614]

I've sailed the Arctic and Pacific Oceans, I've driven trucks 48 states, I've gone camping at Lake Texoma. You don't want to know the lowest point.

Edited March 19, 2022 by RPM

[CooterBrown 18,287]

Dumb question amnesty about squat toilets.

How do you avoid shitting on your pant legs? Do you strip them off? Is there a trapeze bar overhead so you can lean back way further than a normal squat?

[Guest Lobo]

I can tell you've never been to Latte Larry's.

[Hook1997 5,501]

8 hours ago, RPM said:

I've sailed the Arctic and Pacific Oceans, I've driven trucks 48 states, I've gone camping at Lake Texoma. You don't want to know the lowest point.

Oh but we do…

[Longhornstampede 3,213]

I've already punched my ticket for this year. Almost had an encore at work today. Shoving my jeans downward as I'm rotating and lowering myself into the seat. About 4 inches above the seat the thrusters came on. I swear I felt my descent slowed down as I settled into the seat.

Kind of felt like the SpaceX booster landing.

 

[closetohumping 17,803]

14 hours ago, RPM said:

I've sailed the Arctic and Pacific Oceans, I've driven trucks 48 states, I've gone camping at Lake Texoma. You don't want to know the lowest point.

[TexPx 2,331]

Damn, dude, that's a tiny shithole.  Sometimes I go Wagner Power Painter and that certainly would NOT work here.

My Aim is True. If you spray just dip the bucket in the pond and rinse.
Not any options at “Grandma’s”, which is somewhere between Go Cong and the South China Sea. Meal was worth it.

[Guest Lobo]

This site's gotten so lame 'n tame.  140 posts in on worst place to shit, and nobody's chimed in with South Austin's Mom's chest.   Bush league.

[lilMAC25 3,982]

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

This site's gotten so lame 'n tame.  140 posts in on worst place to shit, and nobody's chimed in with South Austin's Mom's chest.   Bush league.

I think you mean “best”, not “worst”.

[Guest Lobo]

Judges would have also accepted "most frequent place."  

[Moby Ric 2,058]

It was somewhere in the smokey mountains.  My brother and I were driving from Dallas to Virginia Beach to my new job.  I had to take a wicked shit and there was no place for miles.  Finally a gas station comes up on the drive.  One hole crapper and a line.  My turn comes up and I beach a whale and it curls up like a cobra in the bowl.  Place was so fucking gross, so I cleaned myself up and the toilet would not flush, so I said fuck it.  Guy that was next was an old drunk black man who had to pee so bad he had pissed his pants.  Goes into the bathroom as I am leaving and all I hear is "Sweet Jesus Christ!"  I got out and never looked back.

[Eljefeweizen 34]

A porto at Bonnaroo the last night of the fest. They just decided to quit "servicing" them. A spike of poo was poking above the rim.

 

['stache 22,131]

I have a memory as a young kid (would have been late 80's or early 90s) visiting Big Bend and the bathroom was an outhouse that you could smell within a 20 foot radius. I had to use it and remember that my turd took about 20 seconds to fall and hit the bottom of the hole. The shit was that far down but could still be smelled 20 feet from the facility. Fucking gross. But I can also distinctly recall using rural gas station bathrooms that were about the nastiest thing I can think of, literal shit smeared on the bowl, walls, sink, etc., piss puddles, nauseating to even think about, but I know at least once it was an emergency that couldn't wait for the next stop.

[davidg 4,057]

On 3/18/2022 at 1:05 PM, TwiceHorn said:

Exactly.  That seems a recipe to get poopy on your shoes.  And I guess if you chant "I break with thee" three times, you're divorced.

Summer of '89 I was just out of school and went to Japan with another guy who was older to install some equipment in a fair exhibition in Sendai.  He wore cowboy boots all the time and said he was very happy to be wearing them the first time he encountered an asian style squatting pan.

[Brothahorn 10,097]

My truck at a railroad crossing. Had to drive home practically standing up.. at least it was solid.

[MissingInAction 25,552]

Between a dumpster and a wall in the alley next to the Buffalo room.

[Sam Lin 3,597]

This was a China Eastern flight out of Nanjing. Lav walls hadn't been cleaned in who knows how long. I did not take a shit.

[Scheiss Meister 8,466]

11 hours ago, Eljefeweizen said:

A porto at Bonnaroo the last night of the fest. They just decided to quit "servicing" them. A spike of poo was poking above the rim.

 

Best avatar ever.

[Bernard 879]

On 3/14/2022 at 4:08 PM, faps said:

Any time I use a handicapped shitter, I worry about an actual disabled person showing up.

I’ve been there. Bought a CKK430 rag top in San Diego. Driving back to Houston. Truck stop not far from Tucson. Just as I get to the point of no return, here comes Wheels. I’ve never shit, wiped and bolted so fast in my life.

Bernard