Worst place you've ever taken a shit

[Bernard 879]

On 3/14/2022 at 4:08 PM, faps said:

Any time I use a handicapped shitter, I worry about an actual disabled person showing up.

I’ve been there. Bought a CKK430 rag top in San Diego. Driving back to Houston. Truck stop not far from Tucson. Just as I get to the point of no return, here comes Wheels. I’ve never shit, wiped and bolted so fast in my life.

Bernard

[Bernard 879]

Shit. Tried to edit my double post with this tale, but ran out of time on the edit clock…

I-10 about 10 miles east of Columbus. After dark. Sudden urge. No waiting. Exited to the side road. Jumped out quick. No shoes. Only socks. Dropped drawers and let it fall. As I’m pulling up my pants I realize I’m standing in an ant pile. Socks covered in ants. I strip ‘em off and toss ‘em. That came in handy when I had to return to the scene the next day in search of my LV wallet that slipped out of my back pocket in the process of relief. White socks are easier to find on the side of the road than brown canvas.

Bernard

[Al Czervik 1229]

On 3/14/2022 at 4:08 PM, faps said:

Any time I use a handicapped shitter, I worry about an actual disabled person showing up.

George Carlin had a joke about this: Being asked by a guy in a wheelchair as he was exiting a handicap stall if he was handicapped, Carlin replied ‘no, but I was before I went in there’.  

[RollLeft 5040]

On 3/19/2022 at 10:15 AM, RPM said:

I've sailed the Arctic and Pacific Oceans, I've driven trucks 48 states, I've gone camping at Lake Texoma. You don't want to know the lowest point.

[Ojo Rojo 1929]

On 3/18/2022 at 12:20 PM, fattyflattie said:

Would also like to add, have ruined the bathroom of a date I was about to fuck, which set me back a solid week or two on that.  That seems to be a right of passage deal.  Worst ever, probably Maddens on a holiday weekend. Have shit in untold amounts of portapotties.  Asia was interesting, but was able to mostly avoid the hole in the floors, mostly.  I've got a terrible gut and don't eat very healthy, so I've likely had many, many more "emergency" situations than the average guy who somewhat tries to eat right.  

Maddens, you say?  My house is walking distance from there.

[Ojo Rojo 1929]

On 3/14/2022 at 4:08 PM, faps said:

Any time I use a handicapped shitter, I worry about an actual disabled person showing up.

 

[closetohumping 17428]

52 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Maddens, you say?  My house is walking distance from there.

User name?

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2730]

front yard.  locked out of the house in 3rd grade.  came home from a pizza coma at our end of season baseball party.  

Folks asked about it the next day and I told them I had seen a St Bernard out there sniffing around.  

[Al_4_ISU 12440]

I shit in the woods on Monday night.  Went for a jog in a local state park and made it about 5 feet off the trail before I unleashed (lest I make an entry in the shart thread).

I wouldn't call it a bad place to take a dump though.  It was kind of an idyllic setting, next to a babbling trout stream on a warm spring day.  But it was definitely inconvenient, and I feel for any poor that wandered past in the next hour.

[strangulation! 1711]

1 minute ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I shit in the woods on Monday night.  Went for a jog in a local state park and made it about 5 feet off the trail before I unleashed (lest I make an entry in the shart thread).

I wouldn't call it a bad place to take a dump though.  It was kind of an idyllic setting, next to a babbling trout stream on a warm spring day.  But it was definitely inconvenient, and I feel for any poor that wandered past in the next hour.

do you make use of the natural bidet?

[Al_4_ISU 12440]

do you make use of the natural bidet?

No, that water is 40 degrees.

As an avid outdoorsman and farmer, I’m pretty versed in inconvenient outdoor shitting and know a good wiping stick when I see it.

During harvest I stock up on fully sheared unbroken corn cobs.

The older I get, the more I loathe toilet paper and realize what an inefficient and ultimately unsanitary method of personal hygiene it is.

[closetohumping 17428]

33 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I shit in the woods on Monday night.  Went for a jog in a local state park and made it about 5 feet off the trail before I unleashed (lest I make an entry in the shart thread).

I wouldn't call it a bad place to take a dump though.  It was kind of an idyllic setting, next to a babbling trout stream on a warm spring day.  But it was definitely inconvenient, and I feel for any poor that wandered past in the next hour.

Does anybody fish for trout in said babbling brook?

[Al_4_ISU 12440]

14 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Does anybody fish for trout in said babbling brook?

Yeah.  It's a branch of the Root River.  The Driftless Area is a major trout fishing area.

https://fishingreports.orvis.com/midwest/minnesota/south-branch-root-river

https://www.outdoorlife.com/trout-fishing-driftless-area-midwest/

Edited March 24, 2022 by Al_4_ISU

[Ojo Rojo 1929]

3 hours ago, closetohumping said:

User name?

Eh?

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

Graffito from the tiny shitter downstairs at Rudyard's in Houston, circa 2003:

 

"When I found myself shitting here on a Saturday night, I knew my life was troubled. When I found myself shitting at Lola's on a Sunday afternoon, I knew my life was over."

 

If you know you know. 

[MissingInAction 24960]

Kayaking the San Marcos River with a large group. Im not on the water 20 minutes before last nights tequitos start percolating.

We make our first stop for beers and snacks, so I start scouting for a spot. No cover anywhere so I decide to wade down stream to deep spot. I squat down so just my heads above water and pretend to swim with one arm while pulling my shorts down with the other cause I'm still in sight of the group. 

I let loose. Bubbles came up with the stench of chtullu rising so I start kicking away hoping to send the waste down stream away from me. I get my shorts up and get back to my group non the wiser. 

We hang out a bit drink a couple beers then get back on the water.

As we near the scene of my crime I notice something floating in a circular pattern. It's my turd caught In a whirlpool. I start furiously paddling ahead of everyone. Once in paddle range I use the paddle to fling it out into the bushes on the shore. 

They asked me what it was. I told them it was snek, and everyone thanked me.

Edited March 24, 2022 by MissingInAction

[closetohumping 17428]

[closetohumping 17428]

1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Eh?

If you don't wash your hands after you wipe your ass, any contact with your ojo will turn it rojo.

[Incredulity 11609]

6 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

No, that water is 40 degrees.

As an avid outdoorsman and farmer, I’m pretty versed in inconvenient outdoor shitting and know a good wiping stick when I see it.

During harvest I stock up on fully sheared unbroken corn cobs.

The older I get, the more I loathe toilet paper and realize what an inefficient and ultimately unsanitary method of personal hygiene it is.

Wiping STICK?

I feel like I’ve experienced a good bit of life, but this is a new one.

Not sure I grasp the function of stick wiping.

[Armybrat 40795]

6 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

During harvest I stock up on fully sheared unbroken corn cobs.

My granddad kept a large pile of those sheared cobs by the exit to the outhouse at the rear of his auto repair garage in rural NW Missouri.

[Scheiss Meister 8407]

6 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Does anybody fish for trout in said babbling brook?

Yeah, but you wanna throw the brown ones back.

[Spaulding Smails 1551]

I had a painter that worked for me for a few years.  Good guy.  Had a few screws loose, though.  Too much lacquer I suppose.  Before he came to work for me, he had his own painting business.  He told me a story about painting the exterior of this really nice craftsman style two-story house in Pemberton Heights.  Lots of sanding.  Hand painted.  He said they were there for weeks.  He had a group of Honduran brothers working for him.  Anyhow, he said that one of the Hondurans had bubble guts and couldn't make it to the convenience store.  Homeowners weren't home, so he dropped trou in the far corner of the backyard and sprayed some party mud.  Crisis averted and he went back to work.  Evidently, the same dude's up at the very top of the roof sanding the chimney and sees the family dog come sauntering out of the doggie door into the backyard.  The dog's sniffing around in the same back corner and ends up rolling around in the Honduran dude's mud pile.  Before the guy can slide over the roof and get back down the ladder, the dog's already back through the doggie door and in the house and doing the dog move where they rub up against the wall and the carpet and the furniture.  Except the dog's covered in human shit.  And smearing it all over the white walls, cream colored carpet and antique furniture.  And the door's locked.  And the Honduran dude is freaking out.  He calls his boss (the guy telling me this story), and he hauls ass over there.  Long story longer, he has to wait for the homeowners to get home and explain to them what happened.  He said they were surprisingly cool, but he paid to have everything downstairs in the house steam cleaned.  

Not my story, so no clue how true or accurate it is.  But, it's pretty damn funny.  And, from this day forward, no matter how small the job, I ALWAYS put a line item in the budget for a portable toilet.  

[Sam Lin 3548]

2 hours ago, Incredulity said:

Wiping STICK?

I feel like I’ve experienced a good bit of life, but this is a new one.

Not sure I grasp the function of stick wiping.

You shove the stick/corn cob up your ass a few times, reams out the hole and scrapes the walls clean. Dip it in water first to soften it if it's your first time.

[Al_4_ISU 12440]

Wiping STICK?
I feel like I’ve experienced a good bit of life, but this is a new one.
Not sure I grasp the function of stick wiping.

Scraping shit off your ass when you poop in the woods

You don’t re-use it. You just look for 3-4 sticks to help clean yourself with

[52-80 19136]

9 hours ago, Incredulity said:

Wiping STICK?

I feel like I’ve experienced a good bit of life, but this is a new one.

Not sure I grasp the function of stick wiping.

 

 

 

[Incredulity 11609]

Well, that’s a new one(stick) to me.  From the sounds of it, thankfully.

[Al_4_ISU 12440]

When you squat in nature, you get a lot more clean breaks, so it’s easier to wipe.

Sitting on a toilet generally clenches cheeks and makes a bigger mess. They’re a necessary tool of public sanitation, but definitely aren’t conducive to personal hygiene.

[52-80 19136]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

When you squat in nature, you get a lot more clean breaks, so it’s easier to wipe.

Sitting on a toilet generally clenches cheeks and makes a bigger mess. They’re a necessary tool of public sanitation, but definitely aren’t conducive to personal hygiene.

yall need a squat toilet

 

or squatting stool

 

[Al_4_ISU 12440]

19 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

yall need a squat toilet

 

or squatting stool

 

I've got one at home, and it's a game changer.

Public bathrooms on the other hand, are not equipped.

[Born Burnt 6176]

3 hours ago, 52-80 said:

 

At first I thought the guy in the foreground with the stick in his hand was looking at his phone.

[Born Burnt 6176]

1 hour ago, 52-80 said:

or squatting stool

 

 

[mininghorn88 2272]

17 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Kayaking the San Marcos River with a large group. Im not on the water 20 minutes before last nights tequitos start percolating.

We make our first stop for beers and snacks, so I start scouting for a spot. No cover anywhere so I decide to wade down stream to deep spot. I squat down so just my heads above water and pretend to swim with one arm while pulling my shorts down with the other cause I'm still in sight of the group. 

I let loose. Bubbles came up with the stench of chtullu rising so I start kicking away hoping to send the waste down stream away from me. I get my shorts up and get back to my group non the wiser. 

We hang out a bit drink a couple beers then get back on the water.

As we near the scene of my crime I notice something floating in a circular pattern. It's my turd caught In a whirlpool. I start furiously paddling ahead of everyone. Once in paddle range I use the paddle to fling it out into the bushes on the shore. 

They asked me what it was. I told them it was snek, and everyone thanked me.

The spelling of "snake" made this even more funny.

[closetohumping 17428]

I don't really understand this corn on the cob and stick in the ass shit

[HenryJames 65967]

32 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

I don't really understand this corn on the cob and stick in the ass shit

[Al_4_ISU 12440]

36 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

I don't really understand this corn on the cob and stick in the ass shit

It doesn't go in your ass.  You scrape your ass with it.

I mean, I suppose you CAN put it up your ass.  I'm not one to kink shame.  I just don't think it'd be a very effective way to clean up after a dump.

[closetohumping 17428]

6 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

Where did you get the pic of me?

[Longhornstampede 3178]

Every time I see Sam Darnold I can't help but think he probably does a pretty good O face guy impersonation

[CooterBrown 17976]

Every time I see Sam Darnold I can't help but think he probably does a pretty good O face guy impersonation

If you took a selfie while he was railing you from behind, you could find out for sure.

[Longhornstampede 3178]

Project much? You sound aggy

Edited March 25, 2022 by Longhornstampede

[Incredulity 11609]

On 3/25/2022 at 3:11 AM, 52-80 said:

 

 

 

 

[dcbc 14453]

 

[Guest Lobo]

On 3/25/2022 at 9:56 AM, closetohumping said:

I don't really understand this corn on the cob and stick in the ass shit

Yeah?  We'll you're not from Arkansas.  /untouchables

[Enchubben 5509]

On 290 from Houston there is a newish Valero just before Elgin near the aggregate plant that has one of the nastiest shitters I’ve ever been in. Had a couple buccees kolaches that wanted out and wouldn’t wait otherwise I would have driven to Elgin. 

[closetohumping 17428]

https://www.facebook.com/100002437287674/posts/2889536027804278/?d=n

[Chooky 13305]

I used the bathroom in an Allsup's in McCamey, TX. Someone wrote the word "shit" with actual ... shit. I hope it was just a mentally ill local. Otherwise, there's a serial killer traveling through West Texas right now. 

[nnm 36295]

1 hour ago, Chooky said:

I used the bathroom in an Allsup's in McCamey, TX. Someone wrote the word "shit" with actual ... shit. I hope it was just a mentally ill local. Otherwise, there's a serial killer traveling through West Texas right now. 

Only one?

[closetohumping 17428]

I’m about to go in a port o potty. At monster jam 

[Superhero 8818]

On 3/25/2022 at 5:20 AM, 52-80 said:

yall need a squat toilet

 

or squatting stool

 

Or an Asian toilet.

[Superhero 8818]

I go camping at Joshua Tree with the dad / daughter group. The bathroom is a large outhouse. Smells like an outhouse, but messier, because little girls are messy.

 

The worst place I took a shit was outside of Kirby Lane Cafe on January 1st 1998. I probably had a stomach flu. I went outside to fart and promptly shit down my pant leg. It was the last time I sharted until last December. 

[markstanco 12561]

I probably replied upthread but rural China is the worst.

Another bad place was maybe 20 years ago I was duck hunting and had to crap. Pulled the waders down and leaned on a tree. Forgot to get the wader straps out of the way.

Now that I think about it, wader straps is a worse place than rural China.