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What the fuck? Anti-abortion activist house is raided...remains of 5 fetuses found inside

Gil Bang

By Gil Bang
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Can't get an abortion if you don't get pregnant.  And you can't get pregnant if it involves a Handy.  

(I'll wait outside) 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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I'm guessing she has a Hobby Lobby art piece in her kitchen that says, "As for me and my house...we will Serve the Lord.  And also dead babies."  

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54003

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3 minutes ago, Lobo said:

I'm guessing she has a Hobby Lobby art piece in her kitchen that says, "As for me and my house...we will Serve the Lord.  And also dead babies."  

Q: How do you serve dead babies?

A: With a balsamic glaze and a side of fresh veggies.

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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$50 and I'll leave the board forever if she doesn't tell the judge at arraignment (some version of), "Well, if I didn't take them to my house, they would have been aborted.  The doctors and their lib enablers are the real criminals here!"  

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Tuco

Tuco 5076

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The most logical explanation would be that she had acquired them off the black market for some sort of display.  "This is what an abortion looks like at 8 weeks.  Disgusting isn't it.  Murder is disgusting.  Therefore abortion is murder."  You know, that kind of logic.  

But...homicide detectives?  Um...I got nothing. 

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F250

F250 28691

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1 hour ago, Lobo said:

Can't get an abortion if you don't get pregnant.  And you can't get pregnant if it involves a Handy.  

(I'll wait outside) 

A guy I played football with in high school was the President of his Southern Baptist youth group. One day he mentions getting down with his girlfriend a devout Baptist girl and someone questions his hypocritical stance on abstinence. His reply "I just wedge it between her butt cheeks. It's like a hand job but with her butt. That isn't fornication."

 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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36 minutes ago, hookemATL said:

I always preferred the proper British spelling, foetus.  Sounds like a really cool new electric sports car. 
 

Ford Foetus - it’ll bring out the kid in you!

Nah, you're thinking of the Foetus Esprit, the British version.  Only seats 2 but that's okay because the boot fits 5 fetuses.  Just remember, the boot is in the front, steering wheel's on the right, and the insane cunt from America is on the left.  But, her right

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Wiler77

Wiler77 1558

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5 minutes ago, F250 said:

A guy I played football with in high school was the President of his Southern Baptist youth group. One day he mentions getting down with his girlfriend a devout Baptist girl and someone questions his hypocritical stance on abstinence. His reply "I just wedge it between her butt cheeks. It's like a hand job but with her butt. That isn't fornication."

 

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TheStoicPaisano

TheStoicPaisano 9904

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20 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Nah, you're thinking of the Foetus Esprit, the British version.  Only seats 2 but that's okay because the boot fits 5 fetuses.  Just remember, the boot is in the front, steering wheel's on the right, and the insane cunt from America is on the left.  But, her right

 "Word of warning then. Out there they call them 'fanny-packs'. Cos fanny means your arse over there.... Not your minge".

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ultimaton

ultimaton 2966

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18 minutes ago, F250 said:

A guy I played football with in high school was the President of his Southern Baptist youth group. One day he mentions getting down with his girlfriend a devout Baptist girl and someone questions his hypocritical stance on abstinence. His reply "I just wedge it between her butt cheeks. It's like a hand job but with her butt. That isn't fornication."

 

Just like the weird ass mormon bed-humping, I'm always amused by the idea that an omnipotent, omniscient god can somehow be outsmarted by a loophole like "getting a hand job from her butt."

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Longhorn_Fan68

Longhorn_Fan68 33843

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Posted (edited)
27 minutes ago, F250 said:

A guy I played football with in high school was the President of his Southern Baptist youth group. One day he mentions getting down with his girlfriend a devout Baptist girl and someone questions his hypocritical stance on abstinence. His reply "I just wedge it between her butt cheeks. It's like a hand job but with her butt. That isn't fornication."

 

one of the first women I met at UT was this super-religious chick from Waco who was a "virgin" but would let pretty much anyone drop one in her ass. According to her, that was not sex. Lol, whatever gets you through life I guess.

Edited by Longhorn_Fan68
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Actually during a backrub, a few slides between the cheeks of a really firm ass can be quite pleasant (pepper in a few smacks on the cheek and some spit to keep things from chafing).  Tit jobs are off the table now that she's done breastfed two kids for 18 months each.  But as an assman, it's a fun way to start foreplay.  And you'll know she's getting randy if she reaches back one of her hands to create kind of a "third wall" between her two cheeks, her hand, and your dick...maybe even some light ball play.  Again, pepper (for you old school baseball fans)

What were we talking about?  Oh yeah, dead babies.  

WORLDS ARE COLLIDING LAUREN! 

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Guest

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1 hour ago, NAVY said:

People will freak out? WTF you got all these dead babies for? 
 

Personally, and maybe this is just my family,  we keep ZERO dead humans in our house!!! 
 

WTF 

image.gif.6f7ef4e30cbea3d22708d32718fd27d4.gif

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104628

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1 minute ago, ultimaton said:

Just like the weird ass mormon bed-humping, I'm always amused by the idea that an omnipotent, omniscient god can somehow be outsmarted by a loophole like "getting a hand job from her butt."

Love this.  Can just see the reports as the angels come in to the board room:

"Yahweh? Yeah....we've been watching them VERY carefully, just like you told us to.  They're nuttin' EVERYWHERE.  They've figured out butt hand jobs, regular hand jobs, humping over the clothes, between the tits, blowjobs, anal.....always steering JUST clear of the vagina.  The teenage ones are doing those things 2-3 times a day, but because no penis in vagina, no sin.  It's all there in our report.  it has lots of pictures.  Michael gets a bit enthusiastic with the camera when they're doing the butt stuff, so you're gonna see a lot of those.  But the important part is there in our conclusion: 'NO SIN FOUND.'"

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Just now, Biff Tannen said:

Is anyone really surprised at this?

Yeah, I gotta admit the 5th one surprised me.  4 sets of fetus remains on a Thursday?  I was like, "Totes normal."  But the report of the 5th one and I was all like, "That's so random...like...who does that?"  

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Guest Lobo

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4 minutes ago, Underdog said:

image.jpeg.e6f112056ec8ec52ffbbc104f36411b0.jpeg
 

The five dead fetus point plan

Rule #1---don't let on how much you like Lauren Handy.

Rule #2---always call the shots

Rule #3---Isn't Lauren Handy's house great?

Rule #4---The lady will have some dead babies and a coke with no ice

Rule #5---when it comes down to smuggling fetuses, watch out for supply chain issues.

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Let's just take this up a notch 'cause 'Murica 2022.  

Look at Lauren Handy.  Sitting on a stoop outside her home, uncuffed, nightclub wristband on, and some vague looking weapon in her right hand.  While police remove 5 fucking dead bodies from her house.  Any doubt that if Lauren was one shade darker, she'd be on her stomach, cuffed, with 3 pistols aimed at the back of her skull?  But lucky for her, she looks exactly like the next-level-up manager in each cop's wife's candle MLM company.  

DA, "Your honor, the people request bail be set at $1mm for the high profile defendant."

Judge, "Nah, I don't see a flight risk here.  $50,000 tops."

DA, "Your honor, she knows the keycodes to the 3 D&C clinics in her area.  She'll do this again."

Judge, "Even still, I'll go $50,000 at the most."

DA, "Your honor, she's 25% Latina."


Judge, "Bail is set at $5mm.  May god have mercy on your soul ma'am."  

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Asithappens

Asithappens 974

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1 hour ago, F250 said:

A guy I played football with in high school was the President of his Southern Baptist youth group. One day he mentions getting down with his girlfriend a devout Baptist girl and someone questions his hypocritical stance on abstinence. His reply "I just wedge it between her butt cheeks. It's like a hand job but with her butt. That isn't fornication."

 

And that's not even close to the dumbest thing coming out of Southern Baptists' mouths. 

 

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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1 hour ago, F250 said:

A guy I played football with in high school was the President of his Southern Baptist youth group. One day he mentions getting down with his girlfriend a devout Baptist girl and someone questions his hypocritical stance on abstinence. His reply "I just wedge it between her butt cheeks. It's like a hand job but with her butt. That isn't fornication."

 

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elfenix

elfenix 34171

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1 hour ago, F250 said:

A guy I played football with in high school was the President of his Southern Baptist youth group. One day he mentions getting down with his girlfriend a devout Baptist girl and someone questions his hypocritical stance on abstinence. His reply "I just wedge it between her butt cheeks. It's like a hand job but with her butt. That isn't fornication."

 

 

(couldn't find a JCI hot doggin' it jingle)

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Dutchrudder

Dutchrudder 11115

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2 hours ago, F250 said:

A guy I played football with in high school was the President of his Southern Baptist youth group. One day he mentions getting down with his girlfriend a devout Baptist girl and someone questions his hypocritical stance on abstinence. His reply "I just wedge it between her butt cheeks. It's like a hand job but with her butt. That isn't fornication."

 

Fun Fact: the formal term for that is called "Hot Dogging" 

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 11777

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4 hours ago, Longhorn_Fan68 said:

one of the first women I met at UT was this super-religious chick from Waco who was a "virgin" but would let pretty much anyone drop one in her ass. According to her, that was not sex. Lol, whatever gets you through life I guess.

 

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