Special Needs Kids

[tbone_ 14106]

How does one find an advocate?

[tbone_ 14106]

How does one find an advocate?

[Goofyboy 3268]

Hi! I’ve been through hell and back with Fort Bend ISD Special Education.

Once you request testing, they have 90 school days to complete it and then 60 to implement findings. It took us from basically early November of my sons first grade year until Spring Break to get him out of a general education class room. During that time, he was illegally suspended three times. I should have sued then.

We were put into the Behavioral Support Services class at a different school. That went w pretty good through 2nd grade. I will say that we had an AMAZING teacher. The rest of the admin and teacher in that school - not so much. The kids in this program don’t fit typical special education. Their outbursts are often violent, so they get labeled as bad kids. They get forgotten for things like bench mark testing. This teacher fought for these things.

Beginning third grade, Fort Bend found it brilliant to move us away from the ONE teacher my son bonded with and moved us to a school that would feed into his middle / high school. The principal told another parent she didn’t want this program on campus. They didn’t set it up correctly. They had a new guy that had never run a BSS class running it.

My son did 10 worksheets from August until Thanksgiving. He was assaulted by the teacher. He was bullied and insulted by the teacher. The teacher took away bathroom privileges. I could continue….
We hired an advocate at this point. I highly recommend you use an advocate any time you meet with the school. The asshole was removed and our second grade teacher was moved over.

The district had a meeting with us and formally apologized. We were given 40 hours of compensatitory services. One of my sons friends is around 400 hours of compensatitory services.

My son is now home. He’s killing it doing online public education through Connection Academy. He will not set foot on a Fort Bend Campus again. I’m looking at GED at 16 or whatever to junior college or tech. School was ruined for him because he didn’t fit.

TLDR:
FortBend ISD special education is trash. Get an advocate for any ARD meetings, as they know all the rules and everything the district is supposed to do for you.

[Goofyboy 3268]

Double post

[Goofyboy 3268]

How does one find an advocate?

I started with Google. Found a few and then found one that fit. If anyone in the Houston area needs one, I’ll find her website and send it.

[Goofyboy 3268]

Tapatalk is killing me with the extra posts. My apologies.

[Mo Horn 8817]

I get the hesitancy to go with meds. When our oldest son was 6 he was diagnosed with adhd. We didn't want to "rely" on meds, so we did everything we could to avoid that. Counseling, therapy, etc. Our school was great and his teacher worked with us really well. One of the things she did was start giving him a paper happy face at the start of the day, so he had a positive start. When he acted out he'd get a check mark, then a 2nd one, and then he'd lose the happy face. The goal obviously was to bring home his happy face with as few check marks as possible. Most days he didn't have one to bring home, and every once in a while he would, but with check marks. I don't think he every brought a clean one home. About a month after we started this he came home in tears. He said he was trying so hard to keep his happy face, and he just couldn't do it. It broke our hearts. We talk to his pediatrician and started a very low dose of medicine. We had to adjust some, but eventually found the right combination that took enough of the edge off, that he could keep his faces most days.

TL:DR school, doctor, and everyone worked to figure it out, but it took a while. Meds can help, if used smartly. 

[morehornsepower 887]

12 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

Hi! I’ve been through hell and back with Fort Bend ISD Special Education.

Once you request testing, they have 90 school days to complete it and then 60 to implement findings. It took us from basically early November of my sons first grade year until Spring Break to get him out of a general education class room. During that time, he was illegally suspended three times. I should have sued then.

We were put into the Behavioral Support Services class at a different school. That went w pretty good through 2nd grade. I will say that we had an AMAZING teacher. The rest of the admin and teacher in that school - not so much. The kids in this program don’t fit typical special education. Their outbursts are often violent, so they get labeled as bad kids. They get forgotten for things like bench mark testing. This teacher fought for these things.

Beginning third grade, Fort Bend found it brilliant to move us away from the ONE teacher my son bonded with and moved us to a school that would feed into his middle / high school. The principal told another parent she didn’t want this program on campus. They didn’t set it up correctly. They had a new guy that had never run a BSS class running it.

My son did 10 worksheets from August until Thanksgiving. He was assaulted by the teacher. He was bullied and insulted by the teacher. The teacher took away bathroom privileges. I could continue….
We hired an advocate at this point. I highly recommend you use an advocate any time you meet with the school. The asshole was removed and our second grade teacher was moved over.

The district had a meeting with us and formally apologized. We were given 40 hours of compensatitory services. One of my sons friends is around 400 hours of compensatitory services.

My son is now home. He’s killing it doing online public education through Connection Academy. He will not set foot on a Fort Bend Campus again. I’m looking at GED at 16 or whatever to junior college or tech. School was ruined for him because he didn’t fit.

TLDR:
FortBend ISD special education is trash. Get an advocate for any ARD meetings, as they know all the rules and everything the district is supposed to do for you.

Damn, sorry to see this experience, Goofyboy.  Props to you for jumping in and doing what was needed for your son.

[Goofyboy 3268]

Damn, sorry to see this experience, Goofyboy.  Props to you for jumping in and doing what was needed for your son.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones. We have the means and ability to hire an advocate ($100 an hour). I am able to work from anywhere in the world, so I’ve just stayed home. I have no clue if I’ve ever been formally allowed to be a remote employee. My wife has a great job, so if I ever was fired, we’d be ok.

There are so many parents that don’t have the same resources we do and their kids are suffering. I left out the bullshit by the Gen Ed teachers at his school.

I’m one of the first to say not all kids need to be in a normal Gen Ed setting. Mine was terrible and it did him and the other kids no good being in there. I still believe in the class he was placed in, but it needs WAY more and better resources. The administration needs to support these types of classes.

Also, if anyone needs basic advice or info on anything related to IEP, ARD’s, or referrals of advocates / attorneys - let me know.

[Bevo&Pevo 5120]

Any updates?

[Sawbonz 27527]

Just saw this thread. I’m glad you guys  are making progress. I’m far from an expert in this but one thing you might consider if you haven’t already is genetic testing for MTHFR SNPs. They are basically point mutations that inhibit methylation of folate. Methylfolate is very important for neurotransmitter synthesis, and there are several known mutations to the enzyme that adds the methyl group to the folate molecule, allowing it to cross the blood brain barrier.
 

There are several unique mutations, so a child can inherit a different mutation from each parent. Previously, supplementation with methylfolate was considered alternative medicine, but it is becoming more mainstream and is now routinely prescribed for depression that does not respond to traditional antidepressants. My understanding of the basic science leads me to believe it would be effective for adhd and generalized anxiety disorder. Definitely worth looking into IMO. 

Edited May 11, 2022 by Sawbonz

[dlatin 328]

Some really great advice and suggestions here so I’m not sure this is needed but I wanted to share our success story.

Son diagnosed with severe ADHD in kindergarten. We were at a private school where all the kids in his class were a year older and at that age, developmentally the difference was enormous (we never even thought about holding him back for that advantage). The Dr. said he would not be able to function without drugs. Wife did a ton of research and we decided to try to find food sensitivities/triggers. We cut everything for a week except raw fruits and vegetables and slowly added foods back 1 at a time. We found anything artificial was a huge trigger, particularly artificial colors and preservatives. Gluten as well. We found we could tell within minutes when he ate something he was not supposed to eat. He would wet himself, get very emotional, act wildly. At the same time there happened to be an acupuncturist from Costa Rica staying with my sister so we signed him up for 10 treatments. I didn’t believe any of that stuff but I figured why not. After just a few treatments, along with the very strict diet the change was striking. We moved schools and kept this up through 5th grade. Very strict diet, virtually no cheating, healthy clean eating. He’s excelled, never been on drugs and he’s going to be a senior next year and he’s absolutely crushing it in school. We moved out onto a lake 7 years ago and didn’t keep it up but he’s found ways to cope as he’s gotten older. One additional upside is because he ate so clean for all those early years, he is in great physical shape from not eating all the crap kids eat. He doesn’t have the physique of any kid I’ve seen.

TLDR: diet can have a big role in behavior, it’s extremely difficult to maintain (no cheating) but we found it, along with acupuncture, he’s been able to achieve things I nor the medical community thought was possible.

Good luck! I know how difficult and emotional this all can be.

[mdmost 42998]

On 5/10/2022 at 10:11 PM, Sawbonz said:

Just saw this thread. I’m glad you guys  are making progress. I’m far from an expert in this but one thing you might consider if you haven’t already is genetic testing for MTHFR SNPs. They are basically point mutations that inhibit methylation of folate. Methylfolate is very important for neurotransmitter synthesis, and there are several known mutations to the enzyme that adds the methyl group to the folate molecule, allowing it to cross the blood brain barrier.
 

There are several unique mutations, so a child can inherit a different mutation from each parent. Previously, supplementation with methylfolate was considered alternative medicine, but it is becoming more mainstream and is now routinely prescribed for depression that does not respond to traditional antidepressants. My understanding of the basic science leads me to believe it would be effective for adhd and generalized anxiety disorder. Definitely worth looking into IMO. 

My wife just mentioned this the other day in regards to our older child with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. We just switched the meds she was on for the past year as they were not making her issues with depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideations any better. Wife read about the methylfolate deficiency in an ADHD magazine and suggested we get some genetic testing done to see if that's an issue.

Our older one has always had issues with sensory sensitivity. Couldn't sleep easily as a baby, always needed special routines to get them to sleep, had severe meltdowns that you'd have to endure until she wore herself out. It got better after we started Vyvanse in 3rd grade for ADHD symptoms. Since puberty + pandemic, we've seen a recurrence of these toddler like behaviors. Very inflexible, always nervous or on edge, picky eater with sensitivity to certain types of foods, compulsive about finding something or needing it immediately. It led me to get her tested for autism last summer which came back as negative. We just started with a new therapist who picked up on the sensory issues immediately which we're thankful for. Most therapists seemed to downplay the issues we talked about or didn't have much in the way of help.  She immediately brought up maybe needing to get occupational therapy for our kid. She starts high school next fall and we'd really like to get her more squared away because it's a magnet school that will be very demanding. We think she's up for the challenge as she's a tremendous student. It's just the other 20% of her that we're trying to get help with. 

[Ojo Rojo 1946]

We started the 5mg Focalin last Saturday. We waited a little while after we received the scrip because my wife and I were both out of town at different times and we wanted to be together so we could both watch him closely. I told our son that we were giving him medicine for his brain. He already knows and is very open about the fact that he's got something going on with his brain. He's very casual about it and it's not weird at all, which I'm grateful for.  I'd like to think it's because my wife and I have been very careful to be casual about it and not act weird or ashamed or distraught or anything when we talk to him about it.  Anyway, we went to a restaurant with extended family for lunch and we saw some immediate and strong effects of the medication.  He got one of those kid's menus that has activities and shit you can color and whatnot. He focused INTENTLY on that the entire time. It was almost like a dog with a new bone. He didn't want to let it go. I had to take him and his little brother to the bathroom to change their clothes and he took that paper and the crayons into the bathroom and continued working on it up on the counter. So, at least initially, his ability to focus on a task has been tremendously affected by the medication. A downside is that he seems to be more aggro, which is not good. If we ask him to do something like brush his teeth or something that he doesn't want to do, he gets angry and screams instantly. That was kind of normal before, but it seems more severe and constant right now. We're just keeping a close eye on it, getting feedback from his teachers at school, who know what's going on, and then we'll decide if we need to talk to the pediatrician about maybe changing the dosage or medication. Too early to tell right now.

He's also started occupational therapy.  I'm about to run out to take him to his appointment now. It's only his second appointment so too early to see any effects. The OT and meds are all we're doing right now. We had the option of a group therapy session, but we decided maybe that was too much and we're just sticking with the other things right now. The group seemed to really help him last fall, so maybe if he struggles during the school year again we try to start that up again.

We still don't have an answer for school next year. Most likely he's going to go to the public school in our neighborhood. We have no idea if it's going to work or be good for him long or short term. It's just a crapshoot and there's no amount of data or information that is going to make that decision any clearer. We're just going to have to try something and see how it goes then constantly reassess and respond accordingly.

[Revolution512 1487]

On 5/10/2022 at 10:11 PM, Sawbonz said:

Just saw this thread. I’m glad you guys  are making progress. I’m far from an expert in this but one thing you might consider if you haven’t already is genetic testing for MTHFR SNPs. They are basically point mutations that inhibit methylation of folate. Methylfolate is very important for neurotransmitter synthesis, and there are several known mutations to the enzyme that adds the methyl group to the folate molecule, allowing it to cross the blood brain barrier.
 

There are several unique mutations, so a child can inherit a different mutation from each parent. Previously, supplementation with methylfolate was considered alternative medicine, but it is becoming more mainstream and is now routinely prescribed for depression that does not respond to traditional antidepressants. My understanding of the basic science leads me to believe it would be effective for adhd and generalized anxiety disorder. Definitely worth looking into IMO. 

This is our story. We were always given a diagnosis of it might be this, he’s a little bit this. Never anything concrete. For that reason, we were completely against medicating our child. My son’s behavior was nearly identical to the OP. Public school always seemed like a bad idea, our child wasn’t special needs but that’s where he would’ve been placed. Luckily we found a Montessori school that understood what we were dealing with and an amazing teacher who refused to give up on him. 
 

One day we shared our story with a friend who had MTHFR and a light went off for everyone. It wasn’t an overnight fix. Therapy proved to be a waste of time. It’s been a long road, your kid getting in trouble at school is frustrating. Hitting other kids for no reason is very tough as well. But if you saw the kid today, you’d never suspect we went through anything like we did.

[Rip76 4924]

I didn’t know where else to post this.  This boy was in my son’s class at school.  Such a tragic and sad story.  
When I dropped off Alex this morning, the teachers just looked lost and tired.

Father identifies teen who was struck, killed on Spring Cypress Road early Monday morning

 

https://www.khou.com/article/news/local/teen-killed-crash-houston/285-eb7cb956-ac81-4442-9a0d-d342cf8add0e?fbclid=IwAR1lcuPUFky-xMB0RfiIy9p59R5aq3J__eL3mZrH37fEHtEB7d9MqSUqoHQ

[tx 3 putt 76863]

That’s a horrible horrible story 

 

 

[Mullet Free 40]

First of all, I'd like to say I'm sorry that you're having to go through this journey. Even the people that get good results for their kids will tell you it fucking sucks. Not that it's hopeless or anything, but that it is SO hard and stressful. If you have the means, it really makes you appreciate it because the costs and hoops you go through add up. If you don't have the means to do everything, then it would make it even worse. We were also shocked by the number of kids that need help.

 

Our son was first flagged by us around 3 years old. The usual stuff. Meltdowns, speech delay, difficulty with transitions. We got him assessed and put in ABA therapy pretty quickly. Speech therapy, occupational therapy. We did diet changes like you've probably already tried, vitamin regimens. I feel like they all probably helped in their own way, but it's kind of hard to pinpoint what worked best. We really threw the kitchen sink at his issues. Fortunately, he progressed enough to go to kinder on his own and he's been in school since then. He did get put on a small dose of focalin in the first grade, but he's stayed on the same dose since then. He still has problems with emotional control. He cried at school much later than a typical kid would/should and that led to some bullying problems over time, but he's in 8th grade now and doing well. He's the school mascot and excellent student. I do wish for his sake that connecting with peers was easier, although most times he doesn't really seem to care. One thing that the first doc told us that has rang true is that his emotional maturity lags his age. She said at the time it would be 2/3-3/4 of his age. Has seemed about right. Anyway, I'm venting.

 

I owe all his gains to my wife. She did a ton of the legwork since I have a demanding job. You're going to need a strong partner. This stuff will strain you both to the max.

 

You haven't posted on this thread in a while, so I'm hoping things are going well.

[Rip76 4924]

23 hours ago, Mullet Free said:

First of all, I'd like to say I'm sorry that you're having to go through this journey. Even the people that get good results for their kids will tell you it fucking sucks. Not that it's hopeless or anything, but that it is SO hard and stressful. If you have the means, it really makes you appreciate it because the costs and hoops you go through add up. If you don't have the means to do everything, then it would make it even worse. We were also shocked by the number of kids that need help.

 

Our son was first flagged by us around 3 years old. The usual stuff. Meltdowns, speech delay, difficulty with transitions. We got him assessed and put in ABA therapy pretty quickly. Speech therapy, occupational therapy. We did diet changes like you've probably already tried, vitamin regimens. I feel like they all probably helped in their own way, but it's kind of hard to pinpoint what worked best. We really threw the kitchen sink at his issues. Fortunately, he progressed enough to go to kinder on his own and he's been in school since then. He did get put on a small dose of focalin in the first grade, but he's stayed on the same dose since then. He still has problems with emotional control. He cried at school much later than a typical kid would/should and that led to some bullying problems over time, but he's in 8th grade now and doing well. He's the school mascot and excellent student. I do wish for his sake that connecting with peers was easier, although most times he doesn't really seem to care. One thing that the first doc told us that has rang true is that his emotional maturity lags his age. She said at the time it would be 2/3-3/4 of his age. Has seemed about right. Anyway, I'm venting.

 

I owe all his gains to my wife. She did a ton of the legwork since I have a demanding job. You're going to need a strong partner. This stuff will strain you both to the max.

 

You haven't posted on this thread in a while, so I'm hoping things are going well.

How is Focalin?  We’ve been thinking about trying it with my son Alex.

[Mullet Free 40]

14 hours ago, Rip76 said:

How is Focalin?  We’ve been thinking about trying it with my son Alex.

We've had good luck with it. He's been on it for years, with minimal issues. He eats less at lunch than most kids due to it, but we play catch up at home with dinner. From what I've heard from other parents, ADD med tolerance is really just so specific to each kid. A lot of med tinkering happens with a lot of these kids. The only other med we personally tried briefly was the patches, but he had bad skin reactions to them.

[Ojo Rojo 1946]

Saw this thread got bumped, so I'll post an update.

Since we took our son out of the private school last spring things have been better overall for us and him.  I think he was so stressed out every day in that environment and he relaxed immediately after he was taken out of it.  That allowed my wife and me to breathe a little bit too.  We had the focalin scrip and we filled it, gave it to him for a couple of weeks, but it did not make his main issues any better at all.  We got through the summer just fine.  He was at camps and whatnot, so he wasn't in difficult environments for him.  We still had to make a school decision.  We opted for the public school in our neighborhood.  It's a Montessori school and we thought the completely different curriculum that allows more choices and freedom of movement, etc. would be better for him.  Plus, we figured the public school had more resources for this kind of thing and the teachers were probably used to and willing to put up with a lot more shit than the private school teachers.

The fall semester went really well.  A few issues here and there, but overall he was doing great.  We were in pretty constant contact with the teacher and her aide (who we knew from a previous school, which was a great bonus).  During the spring, though, he started to regress to the same behaviors we saw last spring.  My wife and I both got the feeling of "here we go again."  Some of our son's behaviors were pretty severe - hitting other kids, knocking over furniture, running out of the classroom.  The teachers took it way more in stride than the private school teachers, but still, things reach a point where they have to escalate.  We are kind of at that point now.  We decided to give the focalin another try.  We dosed him last Sunday to see how it affected him.  Not good.  It was his little brother's birthday party day and my parents were in town, so there was a lot of stimulation. He was talking really fast and had a hard time getting all of his thoughts out.  During the party, he isolated himself and just sat in a corner until we finally coaxed him to move to a better place for him to chill out.  He kept saying weird shit, like how he had all of these problems and no one could fix them.  It was kind of heartbreaking to witness.  My wife and I decided that the focalin was a total disaster and that we weren't going to give it to him again.  This caused us to think that maybe he was misdiagnosed altogether. His diagnosis was ADHD.  I can't say I have the scientific definition memorized, but our son does not have problems keeping his attention on something.  Quite the opposite actually.  He is not hyperactive.  Again, quite the contrary - he loves nothing more than to chill on the couch at home with his iPad.  My theory is that he actually has OCD and possibly depression (just like me and probably several others in my family). We had a consult with the pediatrician and his psychologist.  They agreed that we should discontinue the focalin.  On Monday, he was still kind of experiencing the effects of the focalin and I could tell he was off, but we sent him to school anyway.  He lasted fifteen minutes before the teacher texted my wife telling her that he was having a bad day and raging out.  We probably could have left him there, but I went and picked him up and stayed with him at home until my wife could relieve me.

We were feeling a bit overwhelmed at that point.  Luckily, while my wife was at work (she works at a swanky health club) one of her clients noticed something was wrong and my wife told her what was up.  The client, who is a wealthy and connected older lady, stopped their session right then and there and put in a call to a friend who is a child psychiatrist.  We had an appointment with another one, but the earliest we could get in was late April, which might've been too late for us.  This new doc called back almost immediately and Voila! we got an appointment for next week.  That's how the RPN (Rich People Network) works!  Anyway, we're pretty excited about this new doc.  My wife talked to him already and he understood the situation immediately.  He also thinks maybe he was misdiagnosed and that focalin wasn't the right drug for him.  So, right now we're just waiting for the psychiatrist appointment and we'll see what happens from there.

[mdmost 42998]

Was the ADHD diagnosis, Combined Type? The oldest has that. She's not hyperactive with formerly the exception of socially like talking too much in class. That changed with high school. She's hyperfocused if anything, bordering on what could be considered OCD. But it's not OCD like touching a light a certain number of times. She can actually do tons of things really well if she's interested in them. That's why a phone is a disaster for her because while it can keep her attention, she doesn't want to give it up which can cause issues. The middle of this fits her to a tee. Issues with depression, anxiety, mood disregulation. Retreats inward when things get tough. Has to take Trazodone to sleep. We were using Vyvanse for a while until we switched insurance and a bottle would cost $300. We're using Jornay PM now which is decent. She also has sensory sensitivity issues but that's been the case since she was little.

 

Edited March 3, 2023 by mdmost

[Mullet Free 40]

49 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Saw this thread got bumped, so I'll post an update.

Since we took our son out of the private school last spring things have been better overall for us and him.  I think he was so stressed out every day in that environment and he relaxed immediately after he was taken out of it.  That allowed my wife and me to breathe a little bit too.  We had the focalin scrip and we filled it, gave it to him for a couple of weeks, but it did not make his main issues any better at all.  We got through the summer just fine.  He was at camps and whatnot, so he wasn't in difficult environments for him.  We still had to make a school decision.  We opted for the public school in our neighborhood.  It's a Montessori school and we thought the completely different curriculum that allows more choices and freedom of movement, etc. would be better for him.  Plus, we figured the public school had more resources for this kind of thing and the teachers were probably used to and willing to put up with a lot more shit than the private school teachers.

The fall semester went really well.  A few issues here and there, but overall he was doing great.  We were in pretty constant contact with the teacher and her aide (who we knew from a previous school, which was a great bonus).  During the spring, though, he started to regress to the same behaviors we saw last spring.  My wife and I both got the feeling of "here we go again."  Some of our son's behaviors were pretty severe - hitting other kids, knocking over furniture, running out of the classroom.  The teachers took it way more in stride than the private school teachers, but still, things reach a point where they have to escalate.  We are kind of at that point now.  We decided to give the focalin another try.  We dosed him last Sunday to see how it affected him.  Not good.  It was his little brother's birthday party day and my parents were in town, so there was a lot of stimulation. He was talking really fast and had a hard time getting all of his thoughts out.  During the party, he isolated himself and just sat in a corner until we finally coaxed him to move to a better place for him to chill out.  He kept saying weird shit, like how he had all of these problems and no one could fix them.  It was kind of heartbreaking to witness.  My wife and I decided that the focalin was a total disaster and that we weren't going to give it to him again.  This caused us to think that maybe he was misdiagnosed altogether. His diagnosis was ADHD.  I can't say I have the scientific definition memorized, but our son does not have problems keeping his attention on something.  Quite the opposite actually.  He is not hyperactive.  Again, quite the contrary - he loves nothing more than to chill on the couch at home with his iPad.  My theory is that he actually has OCD and possibly depression (just like me and probably several others in my family). We had a consult with the pediatrician and his psychologist.  They agreed that we should discontinue the focalin.  On Monday, he was still kind of experiencing the effects of the focalin and I could tell he was off, but we sent him to school anyway.  He lasted fifteen minutes before the teacher texted my wife telling her that he was having a bad day and raging out.  We probably could have left him there, but I went and picked him up and stayed with him at home until my wife could relieve me.

We were feeling a bit overwhelmed at that point.  Luckily, while my wife was at work (she works at a swanky health club) one of her clients noticed something was wrong and my wife told her what was up.  The client, who is a wealthy and connected older lady, stopped their session right then and there and put in a call to a friend who is a child psychiatrist.  We had an appointment with another one, but the earliest we could get in was late April, which might've been too late for us.  This new doc called back almost immediately and Voila! we got an appointment for next week.  That's how the RPN (Rich People Network) works!  Anyway, we're pretty excited about this new doc.  My wife talked to him already and he understood the situation immediately.  He also thinks maybe he was misdiagnosed and that focalin wasn't the right drug for him.  So, right now we're just waiting for the psychiatrist appointment and we'll see what happens from there.

 

 

As MD said, he could still have ADD but perhaps not the hyperactive kind. Does he lose things a lot? If he has trouble with focus that could explain why he lashes out with kids at school. He loses track of conversations, or mishears things and then gets mad. My son from a young age has always done better interacting with adults. I think it's because adults are generally more understanding with kids and take time to communicate with them. Peers on the other hand have less patience. If you can't keep up with the back and forth then poof they're gone. My son also tends to gravitate to kids a couple years younger than him. I think that's because they look up to him and seek out communicating with him, as well as his relative immaturity. You might've seen that with your son. No matter what, I would agree that the focalin has to go.

It seems like you're taking the correct steps. It's not uncommon for it to take time to figure out what's going on. These kids all live somewhere on a spectrum of behavior (not just the autism one). 

One last thing, be aware that throughout this process there will be times that you think you have it all figured out. There will be times that you think he's never gonna be fine. Good days, bad days. For the kid, and also for you and your wife. You just have to keep working with/for your kid every day. I'm pulling for you.

[Ojo Rojo 1946]

I don't think we got a differentiating ADHD diagnosis.  They also diagnosed him with a fine motor skills development disorder, but we think that has been corrected or gone by the wayside now.

To me, my son exhibits hardly any of these on the chart to a great degree.  Impulsivity, yes, but almost none of the others on the H side. When he gets nervous he can fidget. When he doesn't win or doesn't do well at something his self esteem is greatly affected.  Those are honestly the only ones I think fit.

[UpperWestside 6159]

I am reading through this thread and seeing some really good information being shared. To the parents in here or other posters who have friends with children going through similar stuff you have my respect. Just keep showing your child love and do all you can to better their situation. 
 

I attempted briefly to teach in the 4th grade as a special education teacher. One day I tell my co-teacher, someone who has taught for a decade, that one of the kids in the class has autism. He says “We don’t know that.” I became apoplectic because it was literally the first thing in his file. He didn’t even bother to read it. I didn’t need that file to know he has autism because I am on the mild end of the spectrum. I never got help as a kid. My mom just thought I was kinda different. I don’t blame her for not pushing for more answers back then because the knowledge just was not there at her disposal.
 

My reason for mentioning this is if you suspect your child might be on the spectrum to look into the background of who they are being taught by. Have a conversation with them to attempt to discern how they relate to children with autism or children with ADHD. You can have a teacher in the classroom with an Ivy League education that does not understand how to relate to or show empathy to a child that both sees the world differently and learns in their own way as well. I would rather have a teacher from A&M in the class if it meant they had a strong understanding of how to reach children on the spectrum as well as those with other learning disabilities.

[fattyflattie 4639]

On 3/5/2023 at 2:22 PM, UpperWestside said:

I would rather have a teacher from A&M in the class if it meant they had a strong understanding of how to reach children on the spectrum as well as those with other learning disabilities.

Good advice but let’s not get fucking crazy here.  Maybe Tech or Coog. 

[Rip76 4924]

I wanted to see if anyone knew of any good summer camps, or activities in Texas (preferably Houston/Woodlands/Tomball area for special needs kids.

Up until the summer of 2020 my ex’s mother would stay with Alex after school and during the summer.  (This was such a blessing)  She passed away suddenly that June and it’s been pretty tough on our work schedule since then.

Basically, we switch every other day during the summer so one of us can be with him each day.  But my work schedule may change with more travel, and I don’t know if we can continue this.

TIA

[Rip76 4924]

Oh Alex is 14 and I would say in the middle of the Autism spectrum.

[Bevo 13560]

7 minutes ago, Rip76 said:

Oh Alex is 14 and I would say in the middle of the Autism spectrum.

Does he have any violent tendencies? If not, I can look into it. Violent kids are pretty much a no go for most programs. I used to know of programs (I've been told but I can't remember since I don't have special needs kids). Are you in Austin? What part of the city?

Nevermind- I re-read - Houston. I'm from there but I don't know about summer programs there.

Edited April 10, 2023 by Bevo

[Rip76 4924]

No violent tendencies at all.

[Bevo 13560]

20 minutes ago, Rip76 said:

No violent tendencies at all.

I have a good friend who was dating a woman who had a 20 year old son with autism who worked out all the time and who was occasionally violent. He sent his mom to the hospital while they were living together. My friend's kids were pretty young at the time and would not have been able to defend themselves against the 20 year old. Totally screwed up situation - There weren't any good options at all. So, thank goodness you don't have to go through anything like that.

There's a special needs teacher in Houston who I am friends with on Facebook. She should know of options.

[fattyflattie 4639]

@Rip76 I’ll ask the wife, it’s part of what she does.  Can’t promise anything but she does a lot of work with BBS facilities, etc.  
 

@Bevo I hate to categorize it as “violent”, but some of the kids do have the ability to hurt even their adult therapists. I’m certain there’s a softer word my wife uses but I can’t recall. My wife was a therapist until we started having kids, then had to move into an adjacent arena after one kid got very rough with her late in our first pregnancy.  But still heavily involved, and specializes in children with autism. 
 

[Ojo Rojo 1946]

Another thread update.

In the latter half of the past spring semester my son started exhibiting the same behaviors that got him kicked out of the previous private school.  . Running out of the classroom, climbing on top of countertops and furniture, hitting teachers and staff.  The scenarios all seem to be pretty much the same - my son is asked to do something he doesn't want to do or he gets a bad result at something like a game or something goes wrong and he loses it.  Then it's meltdown city and he becomes unreachable.  We began getting calls a couple times a week from the school about incidents.  The incidents gradually grew in number and intensity.  He got put into the "quiet room" quite a bit.  He started destroying that room.  It then began to be an almost daily occurrence.  The school started asking us to come to the school to sit with him.  My wife and I left our jobs and took turns doing that.  We worked with the psychiatrist who increased his dose of Lexapro.  We were in pretty much constant contact with his teacher, the support staff and the principal.  They were all pretty great, I have to say.  The principal's statement to us was, "We are close enough to the end of the school year that we WILL make it through."  We appreciated that. So that's what we did. They dealt with it the best they could; we would go to the school to sit with him almost daily for a couple of hours at least. It took a huge toll on my wife and me.

We really looked forward to the summer for a reprieve.  We were going to redouble our efforts with the psychiatrist to maybe try a new med.  He was going to be in camps and we thought those environments would be a lot easier for him. The psychiatrist put him on Abilify - 2mg at first, then 4 and now 5.  It seemed to help a lot at first.  But he still got kicked out of almost every camp he went to this summer for all the same reasons.  We had to cobble together time between my wife and me to have him and ask our parents to fill in the gaps.  He recently spent a week with my parents, who are not believers in psychiatric medication, and they stopped giving him his meds, which fucked him up, made things worse and we had to start all over with getting the levels back consistently - all right before school starts for him.  That fucking pissed me off, but it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway.

So today was meet the teacher for 1st grade.  I met my wife and son at the school.  We took him to the classroom.  We didn't know that this was actually an hour-long session for the kids to be with the teacher doing simulated classwork.  We thought it was just a casual meet and greet.  We weren't prepared for that and neither was our son.  In hindsight, I should have said, "You know what, we weren't prepared for this" and just left.  We were embarrassed that we didn't know the protocol. My thought was that he was going to be okay because he has been okay each of the past two years at the beginning of the school year.  Shit has only taken a hard left toward the end of the year. So we  left him in the classroom with the teacher and a few other kids while we went to fill out paperwork for an hour.  About 15 minutes in, the principal comes and sits with us and tells us that he ran out of the classroom to the office and that someone took him back.  She asked one of us to go sit with him. Unbelievable. I went to the classroom so my wife could finish the paperwork and talk to the principal.  The moment I got there and looked through the window I saw the teacher stand up and take my son by the arm and lead him to the door. She opened the door with a very angry look on her face and I told her that he was my son.  She told me that he had just slapped her face, knocked her glasses off and that he was not welcome in her classroom then.  I walked him back to the place where my wife and the principal were and told them what happened and then we left.  My wife started crying. We are now trying to enroll him in a private special education school that will cost us over $30K per year that is probably going to require some serious changes for our family.

Therapy hasn't worked.  Meds haven't worked. The psychologists at his group therapy have pulled back and are requiring us to be on site when he has sessions in case he gets violent. The strain on my wife and me has gotten to be untenable.  We can't work our fucking jobs, for God's sake. We have done massive amounts of rewards systems, shown massive amounts of patience and restraint and it's all gotten us nowhere. I'm not giving up, but it feels real fucking hopeless. I wonder from time to time if tough love is the answer. If I beat his fucking ass, like my parents did to me, maybe he'd be scared enough of me to walk the line. They tell me that doesn't really work. I don't want my son to hate me, but if I had to sacrifice my relationship with him and make him hate me for him to have a chance to stay in fucking school and behave I would make that trade. Maybe this special school will be what we all need.  Maybe he learns coping skills or just grows out of this.  Maybe we find the right kind or dosage of medication.  It's all still possible.  But right now it feels like this kid is just going to have to live with us in our house for the rest of our lives then likely be a ward of the state unless we leave enough money to put him in a facility as an adult. That is, if we can even control him through his teenage and young adult years.  If not...fuck us. He'll be in prison or dead by 25.

 

Edited August 26, 2023 by Ojo Rojo

[Goofyboy 3268]

First off - it’s not hopeless. Second - don’t beat him. He is different and you gotta figure out how. There is something missing, not clicking or not developed yet that makes traditional school a really bad fit.

My son was suspended 4 or 5 times in first grade (which is illegal in Texas by the way). He shut down his classroom multiple times. He was scared, angry and a massive ball of anxiety. His teacher was not equipped to deal with or even understand him. He was not violent until he was touched - then he just tried to do anything to get away.

He was then moved to Special Education - the Behavioral Support Services program with an AMAZING teacher at the end of 1st grade. He was in a room with 9 kids - 1st - 5th grade and those kids were like family. They would get into it with each other, but no one messed with my kid. They looked after him. 2nd grade and this teacher were a MASSIVE improvement - minus one para and the administration trying to short my kid opportunities to take bench mark tests. He got his testing in and was in the top 5% of the school.

3rd grade - Fort Bend ISD had the bright idea to move him. Complete and total shit show. My son was assaulted by his sped teacher, not taught ANYTHING from August till Thanksgiving, scratched by a para, insulted by other teachers and generally just treated poorly. FBISD removed the sped teacher and replaced him with his 2nd grade teacher. They thanked us for not suing. We got 40 hours of compensatory services (one of his friends got 200).

COVID hits and we go OnLine. My kid is a straight A kid. He has massive blowups at home with me. We work through them - OVER AND OVER AND OVER…. We’ve kept him in online school - Connections Academy. Last year, 6th grade, he had one melt down.

I am fortunate to be able to work from home. We have worked hard to find a balance and to understand each other. He really processes things in a different way. He’s still killing it in the grades and bench mark testing.


I say all of this to maybe give you a little hope that it’s gonna be ok. Through all of the insanity, the other kids were always really cool and nice to my kid. Kids were and are just drawn to him. It’s crazy to see.

Feel free to message me any time.

[fattyflattie 4639]

Sorry to hear that @Ojo Rojo  

[morehornsepower 887]

Fuck, sorry to hear this, @Ojo Rojo.  Don't lose hope!  You are still figuring out what does and doesn't work for him.  I can only imagine the pain & frustration involved, but the fact that some things do work, for at least some time, is a good sign that you just need to figure out what exact combination will 'click' for him, like @Goofyboy says. 

[Bevo&Pevo 5120]

14 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Another thread update.

In the latter half of the past spring semester my son started exhibiting the same behaviors that got him kicked out of the previous private school.  . Running out of the classroom, climbing on top of countertops and furniture, hitting teachers and staff.  The scenarios all seem to be pretty much the same - my son is asked to do something he doesn't want to do or he gets a bad result at something like a game or something goes wrong and he loses it.  Then it's meltdown city and he becomes unreachable.  We began getting calls a couple times a week from the school about incidents.  The incidents gradually grew in number and intensity.  He got put into the "quiet room" quite a bit.  He started destroying that room.  It then began to be an almost daily occurrence.  The school started asking us to come to the school to sit with him.  My wife and I left our jobs and took turns doing that.  We worked with the psychiatrist who increased his dose of Lexapro.  We were in pretty much constant contact with his teacher, the support staff and the principal.  They were all pretty great, I have to say.  The principal's statement to us was, "We are close enough to the end of the school year that we WILL make it through."  We appreciated that. So that's what we did. They dealt with it the best they could; we would go to the school to sit with him almost daily for a couple of hours at least. It took a huge toll on my wife and me.

We really looked forward to the summer for a reprieve.  We were going to redouble our efforts with the psychiatrist to maybe try a new med.  He was going to be in camps and we thought those environments would be a lot easier for him. The psychiatrist put him on Abilify - 2mg at first, then 4 and now 5.  It seemed to help a lot at first.  But he still got kicked out of almost every camp he went to this summer for all the same reasons.  We had to cobble together time between my wife and me to have him and ask our parents to fill in the gaps.  He recently spent a week with my parents, who are not believers in psychiatric medication, and they stopped giving him his meds, which fucked him up, made things worse and we had to start all over with getting the levels back consistently - all right before school starts for him.  That fucking pissed me off, but it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway.

So today was meet the teacher for 1st grade.  I met my wife and son at the school.  We took him to the classroom.  We didn't know that this was actually an hour-long session for the kids to be with the teacher doing simulated classwork.  We thought it was just a casual meet and greet.  We weren't prepared for that and neither was our son.  In hindsight, I should have said, "You know what, we weren't prepared for this" and just left.  We were embarrassed that we didn't know the protocol. My thought was that he was going to be okay because he has been okay each of the past two years at the beginning of the school year.  Shit has only taken a hard left toward the end of the year. So we  left him in the classroom with the teacher and a few other kids while we went to fill out paperwork for an hour.  About 15 minutes in, the principal comes and sits with us and tells us that he ran out of the classroom to the office and that someone took him back.  She asked one of us to go sit with him. Unbelievable. I went to the classroom so my wife could finish the paperwork and talk to the principal.  The moment I got there and looked through the window I saw the teacher stand up and take my son by the arm and lead him to the door. She opened the door with a very angry look on her face and I told her that he was my son.  She told me that he had just slapped her face, knocked her glasses off and that he was not welcome in her classroom then.  I walked him back to the place where my wife and the principal were and told them what happened and then we left.  My wife started crying. We are now trying to enroll him in a private special education school that will cost us over $30K per year that is probably going to require some serious changes for our family.

Therapy hasn't worked.  Meds haven't worked. The psychologists at his group therapy have pulled back and are requiring us to be on site when he has sessions in case he gets violent. The strain on my wife and me has gotten to be untenable.  We can't work our fucking jobs, for God's sake. We have done massive amounts of rewards systems, shown massive amounts of patience and restraint and it's all gotten us nowhere. I'm not giving up, but it feels real fucking hopeless. I wonder from time to time if tough love is the answer. If I beat his fucking ass, like my parents did to me, maybe he'd be scared enough of me to walk the line. They tell me that doesn't really work. I don't want my son to hate me, but if I had to sacrifice my relationship with him and make him hate me for him to have a chance to stay in fucking school and behave I would make that trade. Maybe this special school will be what we all need.  Maybe he learns coping skills or just grows out of this.  Maybe we find the right kind or dosage of medication.  It's all still possible.  But right now it feels like this kid is just going to have to live with us in our house for the rest of our lives then likely be a ward of the state unless we leave enough money to put him in a facility as an adult. That is, if we can even control him through his teenage and young adult years.  If not...fuck us. He'll be in prison or dead by 25.

 

I feel for ya' brother.  Our oldest was a tough row to hoe.  Tie a knot in the end of the rope and bear down.  

[scottsins 1966]

Another thread update.
In the latter half of the past spring semester my son started exhibiting the same behaviors that got him kicked out of the previous private school.  . Running out of the classroom, climbing on top of countertops and furniture, hitting teachers and staff.  The scenarios all seem to be pretty much the same - my son is asked to do something he doesn't want to do or he gets a bad result at something like a game or something goes wrong and he loses it.  Then it's meltdown city and he becomes unreachable.  We began getting calls a couple times a week from the school about incidents.  The incidents gradually grew in number and intensity.  He got put into the "quiet room" quite a bit.  He started destroying that room.  It then began to be an almost daily occurrence.  The school started asking us to come to the school to sit with him.  My wife and I left our jobs and took turns doing that.  We worked with the psychiatrist who increased his dose of Lexapro.  We were in pretty much constant contact with his teacher, the support staff and the principal.  They were all pretty great, I have to say.  The principal's statement to us was, "We are close enough to the end of the school year that we WILL make it through."  We appreciated that. So that's what we did. They dealt with it the best they could; we would go to the school to sit with him almost daily for a couple of hours at least. It took a huge toll on my wife and me.
We really looked forward to the summer for a reprieve.  We were going to redouble our efforts with the psychiatrist to maybe try a new med.  He was going to be in camps and we thought those environments would be a lot easier for him. The psychiatrist put him on Abilify - 2mg at first, then 4 and now 5.  It seemed to help a lot at first.  But he still got kicked out of almost every camp he went to this summer for all the same reasons.  We had to cobble together time between my wife and me to have him and ask our parents to fill in the gaps.  He recently spent a week with my parents, who are not believers in psychiatric medication, and they stopped giving him his meds, which fucked him up, made things worse and we had to start all over with getting the levels back consistently - all right before school starts for him.  That fucking pissed me off, but it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway.
So today was meet the teacher for 1st grade.  I met my wife and son at the school.  We took him to the classroom.  We didn't know that this was actually an hour-long session for the kids to be with the teacher doing simulated classwork.  We thought it was just a casual meet and greet.  We weren't prepared for that and neither was our son.  In hindsight, I should have said, "You know what, we weren't prepared for this" and just left.  We were embarrassed that we didn't know the protocol. My thought was that he was going to be okay because he has been okay each of the past two years at the beginning of the school year.  Shit has only taken a hard left toward the end of the year. So we  left him in the classroom with the teacher and a few other kids while we went to fill out paperwork for an hour.  About 15 minutes in, the principal comes and sits with us and tells us that he ran out of the classroom to the office and that someone took him back.  She asked one of us to go sit with him. Unbelievable. I went to the classroom so my wife could finish the paperwork and talk to the principal.  The moment I got there and looked through the window I saw the teacher stand up and take my son by the arm and lead him to the door. She opened the door with a very angry look on her face and I told her that he was my son.  She told me that he had just slapped her face, knocked her glasses off and that he was not welcome in her classroom then.  I walked him back to the place where my wife and the principal were and told them what happened and then we left.  My wife started crying. We are now trying to enroll him in a private special education school that will cost us over $30K per year that is probably going to require some serious changes for our family.
Therapy hasn't worked.  Meds haven't worked. The psychologists at his group therapy have pulled back and are requiring us to be on site when he has sessions in case he gets violent. The strain on my wife and me has gotten to be untenable.  We can't work our fucking jobs, for God's sake. We have done massive amounts of rewards systems, shown massive amounts of patience and restraint and it's all gotten us nowhere. I'm not giving up, but it feels real fucking hopeless. I wonder from time to time if tough love is the answer. If I beat his fucking ass, like my parents did to me, maybe he'd be scared enough of me to walk the line. They tell me that doesn't really work. I don't want my son to hate me, but if I had to sacrifice my relationship with him and make him hate me for him to have a chance to stay in fucking school and behave I would make that trade. Maybe this special school will be what we all need.  Maybe he learns coping skills or just grows out of this.  Maybe we find the right kind or dosage of medication.  It's all still possible.  But right now it feels like this kid is just going to have to live with us in our house for the rest of our lives then likely be a ward of the state unless we leave enough money to put him in a facility as an adult. That is, if we can even control him through his teenage and young adult years.  If not...fuck us. He'll be in prison or dead by 25.
 

My son is only 3 months old so no issues like what you have yet, but I can’t imagine the rage I would have if I were in your situation and my mom cut off Abilify cold Turkey like that. It’s not just counter to what you were trying to do, it’s actually dangerous to do that.

[PRONG HORN 3131]

23 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Another thread update.

 

 

 

Sorry for being an a-hole, but have you become an expert yet?  This is my post from page 1.  It's research and trial and error followed by more and continued research to implement what's needed.  The new spare time hobby.    

 

 

Quote

 

Essentially you're about to become an expert in kids like your son.  The education starts now.  Lots of books, podcasts, youtube, seminars, meetings with children's health professionals, support groups, etc.  I wouldn't trust anyone but you and your wife's instinct and knowledge.  I would try to get some good books recommended to begin to build your foundation of knowledge.  Parenting techniques, diagnosis of all kinds, Lots of personal success stories and failures, new styles of teaching and parenting, old styles of teaching and parenting, etc.

Are you good at becoming an expert at something?  Looking for answers on the outside can be a very empty pursuit.  It's all about you and your wife.  What are you willing to teach yourselves, and can/will you begin to implement changes to your household.  Remember one thing almost everyone agrees on.  It's nature and nurture.  Don't be overwhelmed by guilt but also remember that you two are the most important pieces for his getting prepared to live his life.  You might not be able to pass this off onto school employees. 

It's like undergrad now to build your foundation of knowledge and then as you begin to learn about his specific needs, go to "grad school" so you can specialize your knowledge based on your kid and how you want this journey to unfold. 

 

 

[Goofyboy 3268]

 

Holy hell - this is spot on.

[Handcruser 2805]

Another thread update.
In the latter half of the past spring semester my son started exhibiting the same behaviors that got him kicked out of the previous private school.  . Running out of the classroom, climbing on top of countertops and furniture, hitting teachers and staff.  The scenarios all seem to be pretty much the same - my son is asked to do something he doesn't want to do or he gets a bad result at something like a game or something goes wrong and he loses it.  Then it's meltdown city and he becomes unreachable.  We began getting calls a couple times a week from the school about incidents.  The incidents gradually grew in number and intensity.  He got put into the "quiet room" quite a bit.  He started destroying that room.  It then began to be an almost daily occurrence.  The school started asking us to come to the school to sit with him.  My wife and I left our jobs and took turns doing that.  We worked with the psychiatrist who increased his dose of Lexapro.  We were in pretty much constant contact with his teacher, the support staff and the principal.  They were all pretty great, I have to say.  The principal's statement to us was, "We are close enough to the end of the school year that we WILL make it through."  We appreciated that. So that's what we did. They dealt with it the best they could; we would go to the school to sit with him almost daily for a couple of hours at least. It took a huge toll on my wife and me.
We really looked forward to the summer for a reprieve.  We were going to redouble our efforts with the psychiatrist to maybe try a new med.  He was going to be in camps and we thought those environments would be a lot easier for him. The psychiatrist put him on Abilify - 2mg at first, then 4 and now 5.  It seemed to help a lot at first.  But he still got kicked out of almost every camp he went to this summer for all the same reasons.  We had to cobble together time between my wife and me to have him and ask our parents to fill in the gaps.  He recently spent a week with my parents, who are not believers in psychiatric medication, and they stopped giving him his meds, which fucked him up, made things worse and we had to start all over with getting the levels back consistently - all right before school starts for him.  That fucking pissed me off, but it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway.
So today was meet the teacher for 1st grade.  I met my wife and son at the school.  We took him to the classroom.  We didn't know that this was actually an hour-long session for the kids to be with the teacher doing simulated classwork.  We thought it was just a casual meet and greet.  We weren't prepared for that and neither was our son.  In hindsight, I should have said, "You know what, we weren't prepared for this" and just left.  We were embarrassed that we didn't know the protocol. My thought was that he was going to be okay because he has been okay each of the past two years at the beginning of the school year.  Shit has only taken a hard left toward the end of the year. So we  left him in the classroom with the teacher and a few other kids while we went to fill out paperwork for an hour.  About 15 minutes in, the principal comes and sits with us and tells us that he ran out of the classroom to the office and that someone took him back.  She asked one of us to go sit with him. Unbelievable. I went to the classroom so my wife could finish the paperwork and talk to the principal.  The moment I got there and looked through the window I saw the teacher stand up and take my son by the arm and lead him to the door. She opened the door with a very angry look on her face and I told her that he was my son.  She told me that he had just slapped her face, knocked her glasses off and that he was not welcome in her classroom then.  I walked him back to the place where my wife and the principal were and told them what happened and then we left.  My wife started crying. We are now trying to enroll him in a private special education school that will cost us over $30K per year that is probably going to require some serious changes for our family.
Therapy hasn't worked.  Meds haven't worked. The psychologists at his group therapy have pulled back and are requiring us to be on site when he has sessions in case he gets violent. The strain on my wife and me has gotten to be untenable.  We can't work our fucking jobs, for God's sake. We have done massive amounts of rewards systems, shown massive amounts of patience and restraint and it's all gotten us nowhere. I'm not giving up, but it feels real fucking hopeless. I wonder from time to time if tough love is the answer. If I beat his fucking ass, like my parents did to me, maybe he'd be scared enough of me to walk the line. They tell me that doesn't really work. I don't want my son to hate me, but if I had to sacrifice my relationship with him and make him hate me for him to have a chance to stay in fucking school and behave I would make that trade. Maybe this special school will be what we all need.  Maybe he learns coping skills or just grows out of this.  Maybe we find the right kind or dosage of medication.  It's all still possible.  But right now it feels like this kid is just going to have to live with us in our house for the rest of our lives then likely be a ward of the state unless we leave enough money to put him in a facility as an adult. That is, if we can even control him through his teenage and young adult years.  If not...fuck us. He'll be in prison or dead by 25.
 

Thoughts from a school counselor -

Sounds like autism. Could be a few other things but autism is the leader.

Public school is obligated to test him.

Good luck.

[Ojo Rojo 1946]

On 8/26/2023 at 7:39 PM, PRONG HORN said:

 

 

Sorry for being an a-hole, but have you become an expert yet?  This is my post from page 1.  It's research and trial and error followed by more and continued research to implement what's needed.  The new spare time hobby.    

 

 

 

Not an expert, but definitely know a helluva lot more than when all of this started.

We spoke with the principal by phone on Saturday and made a plan.  Holding him out for a few days to figure things out.  Looking at private special education schools, which is probably our preferred option based on anecdotal evidence from people we know and their results.  Big downside is the cost.  If we stay in public school we can either A) do nothing and force them to deal with it (obviously not what we are doing, but technically an option), B) have a person sit with him in school every day, all day, C) go through the district's testing protocols and placement procedures where he will probably end up in a behavior modification class at a different campus (not offered on current campus closest to our house).  The problem with the last one is that the process can take 9 weeks.  I floated the possibility of using our prior accredited testing to shorten that time frame.  The principal is checking on whether that would be allowed.  I sense that there is some bureaucracy and territorialism involved here, so our fate there might in the hands of a single person.  We would still get the district testing done, but at least we wouldn't have to suffer so much for 9 weeks while we wait for that to happen.

I am actually not forlorn. I have moments of hopelessness, like the other day. The main reason is that we've done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK to get to this point.  To see the effect of all of that be fucking zero is hard to take. But, I also know that this is a long, difficult process. Where we are in 6 weeks, 6 months, a year, two years from now will probably look very different. I've read a lot of stories and talked to a lot of people in similar situations and almost every one has a happy ending. I think eventually we're going to get a breakthrough and things will change for the better. In the meantime, my wife and I just have to keep grinding like we have been to support our son and to find answers and solutions.

[Chewbacca 7766]

On 8/25/2023 at 7:10 PM, Ojo Rojo said:

He recently spent a week with my parents, who are not believers in psychiatric medication, and they stopped giving him his meds, which fucked him up, made things worse and we had to start all over with getting the levels back consistently - all right before school starts for him.  That fucking pissed me off, but it probably wouldn't have mattered anyway.

Ojo, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  I don't think beating him will help.  But the quoted part above makes me see red.  Fucking grandparents who have no sense of what you deal with every day.  No sense of what you're trying to do and how hard it has been to get where you are.  They just want to do things their way, damn the consequences (I know many meds should not just be stopped cold turkey).  I'd have a very blunt conversation with them that if they want to remain in your family's life that they are to NEVER even consider doing such a thing again.  And if they can't/won't promise that, then they get cut off.  They aren't helping you, they are actively hindering you.

[Ojo Rojo 1946]

4 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:

Ojo, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  I don't think beating him will help.  But the quoted part above makes me see red.  Fucking grandparents who have no sense of what you deal with every day.  No sense of what you're trying to do and how hard it has been to get where you are.  They just want to do things their way, damn the consequences (I know many meds should not just be stopped cold turkey).  I'd have a very blunt conversation with them that if they want to remain in your family's life that they are to NEVER even consider doing such a thing again.  And if they can't/won't promise that, then they get cut off.  They aren't helping you, they are actively hindering you.

I've dealt with it in a manner of sorts. It's not going to happen again. My Mom believes that a person can overcome anything by force of will alone. She doesn't believe that any part of a human being is dictated by nature and that everything is ultimately a choice.

And I'm not going to beat him, though got-damn I have been tempted a few times.

[partytimesausage 27]

Saw this thread and it made me join and get off the sideline.  I would guess this mostly comes off as venting but sometimes thats all I can do. 

Autistic adhd kid.  Mid to high functioning (aspergers) and huge social handicaps.  Anyways, the dude is entering 6th grade this year and its obvious to us that its not working in public in a giant school district.  We finally made the decision to pull him and find a new school for him.  For anybody change is rough but for this particular little brain its an impossible thing to comprehend.  We apply to a school that we think is  a good fit but he has to shadow for a day before he is allowed to attend.  And he just fucking tanks it.  Acts like a belligerent asshole all day.  He's not asked to return.  Fucking humiliating to just get told not to come back. 

Fast forward 2 weeks, and he is somehow already failing just about all of his classes in 6th grade.  The last year of his life seems to have been marked with many steps of regression and our plans as parents just seem to be falling apart.  We are just lost right now.  I just need a minute to be sad/mad and i will get up and keep fighting but fuck the last 2/3 weeks have sucked. 

Thanks for the space to vent. 

 

[Goofyboy 3268]

Not an expert, but definitely know a helluva lot more than when all of this started.
We spoke with the principal by phone on Saturday and made a plan.  Holding him out for a few days to figure things out.  Looking at private special education schools, which is probably our preferred option based on anecdotal evidence from people we know and their results.  Big downside is the cost.  If we stay in public school we can either A) do nothing and force them to deal with it (obviously not what we are doing, but technically an option), B) have a person sit with him in school every day, all day, C) go through the district's testing protocols and placement procedures where he will probably end up in a behavior modification class at a different campus (not offered on current campus closest to our house).  The problem with the last one is that the process can take 9 weeks.  I floated the possibility of using our prior accredited testing to shorten that time frame.  The principal is checking on whether that would be allowed.  I sense that there is some bureaucracy and territorialism involved here, so our fate there might in the hands of a single person.  We would still get the district testing done, but at least we wouldn't have to suffer so much for 9 weeks while we wait for that to happen.
I am actually not forlorn. I have moments of hopelessness, like the other day. The main reason is that we've done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK to get to this point.  To see the effect of all of that be fucking zero is hard to take. But, I also know that this is a long, difficult process. Where we are in 6 weeks, 6 months, a year, two years from now will probably look very different. I've read a lot of stories and talked to a lot of people in similar situations and almost every one has a happy ending. I think eventually we're going to get a breakthrough and things will change for the better. In the meantime, my wife and I just have to keep grinding like we have been to support our son and to find answers and solutions.

If you got the school testing and placement route - I highly recommend hiring a good advocate if you are financially able. They can help set up your IEP and BIP’s. Ours knew the laws and rules that the schools have to follow. Also, get everything In writing and document everything. A massive paper trail is your friend.

The behavior program failed us. It also helped one of my sons friends and last I heard he was adjusting to general Ed well.

[BillyBadAss 189]

Don't know that is is relevant to the OP, and I haven't read the entire thread, but dropping this here in case it's useful to someone because I didn't know about it until very recently. 

https://tea.texas.gov/academics/learning-support-and-programs/texas-virtual-school-network/texas-virtual-school-network-online-schools-program

There are some pre-reqs, like you had to be enrolled in public school the prior year to qualify - but Texas has an option to transfer to an online public school program. There are several districts in Texas that have these, and you don't have to be in the district to enroll. So you get a full TEA-approved program, some have special needs programs, have to follow IEPs, etc. 

Could be a good option for some people.. 

[Goofyboy 3268]

My son is enrolled in Connections Academy, which makes us part of HISD. It’s been great.

[Bevo&Pevo 5120]

I shared a bit this with my wife and she had some recommendations that might help someone.  She has a friend that works with Gen XY Counseling and Autism Family Services of Beaumont.  Give 'em a call, what can it hurt?  Maybe there is someone or some place in their network that can offer a solution or help. Hopefully, they can recommend a name, place, technique or other that will help.  If we all keep digging, we'll get this sorted out. 

[Texzilla58 4731]

Ojo, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.  I don't think beating him will help.  But the quoted part above makes me see red.  Fucking grandparents who have no sense of what you deal with every day.  No sense of what you're trying to do and how hard it has been to get where you are.  They just want to do things their way, damn the consequences (I know many meds should not just be stopped cold turkey).  I'd have a very blunt conversation with them that if they want to remain in your family's life that they are to NEVER even consider doing such a thing again.  And if they can't/won't promise that, then they get cut off.  They aren't helping you, they are actively hindering you.

Ohio whether they believe in the meds or not they should have understood cold turkey will fuck a person up. Your little guy went thru withdrawal. It takes time to get readjusted. Is it possible the schools could give him another shot since he might have still be screwed up from that. I have three granddaughters and my son and DiL do some things with them I might not agree with but we comply with every bit of it without griping. I’d have a serious talk with the grandparents that they comply without comment or grandson won’t be visiting.