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Mount Rushmore of Texas Message Board Posters

Uncle Boobs

By Uncle Boobs
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted

That APD detective work reminds me of the John Mulaney bit about old timey detectives at a homicide scene.

"Detective Lt., sir.  We found a pool of the killer's blood down the escape pathway."

"Ewwwww, gross!  Mop it up.  Now...back to my hunch....." 

80 9-1-1 calls within 30 minutes of each and every rock throwing incident.  And nobody saw a correlation?  I mean I'm no programmer of patter algorithms or whatever they're called.  But after a few dozen shifts on "rock throwing duty", I'd probably pick on the same fucking phone number/voice/reporting story from witness. 

So we got a body mutilator, a pedophile drug-slinging dick-sucking nearly homicidal tow-truck driver, a more traditional pedophile, and a guy who thinks Uxoricide is hilarious. 

We may want to rethink our asks when it comes time to re-up NIL and advertising arrangements.   

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Posted
54 minutes ago, B00M said:

"Hey honey guess what i learned about on surly today!"

Hey don't blame it on me when she asks who on surly told you.  It's just a cursory understanding of Latin.  And murder.  And Latin murder.  And murder Latin.  I gotta get on Jeopardy.

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MirrOlure

MirrOlure 14625

Posted
Posted

Hornius Emeritus and his "Cut his package clean off" stories....

Bclarke and his "McKinney - a True Texas Hero" letter to Fellow Farmers and 12th Men

Thujon and his "2010 Season in Review" (Garret, I'm open!  I see you Fozzy!  Boink.)

....and in a sort of surprise 4th spot, because it still makes me laugh every time I even think about it

TreatyOak for his "Custer to Lead Sioux Campaign" entry into the "They Are Terrible, We Should Win Convincingly" thread

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tbone_

tbone_ 14020

Posted
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Am I the only one that remembers Billy humor and his Horseshit Mafia?

I haven’t seen phlegm in a while. Kinda worries me.

TPE was pretty fucking funny. Lost my shit one day reading his comment about how they should’ve made a bobble head doll for Katherine Hepburn.

And +1 on Scipio

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Yeah, Scipio was funny.

Who was the guy, I think this goes back 20 years now on either LFZ or hornfans.com that had the rant on Buca di Beppo for a first date?  

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Bernard

Bernard 879

Posted
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On 4/4/2022 at 3:26 PM, Augustus said:

Holy shit, I'd never even heard of the Cave murder/dismemberment.

Kind of sorry I googled that.  Dude was a National Merit Scholar, kid with a bright future, etc.  

And if ever we needed more evidence that crazy attracts crazy, he just happens to have an ex-gf that's totally down with taking a hacksaw to a corpse--not to move/hide the body or anything, just to, you know, disassemble some stuff.  I couldn't glean whether they suspected her of participation in the murder.

If an ex of mine called me up and said, "I just whacked my boyfriend, could you head over here with hacksaw and bring your passport" I'm almost certainly gonna decline.

There’s a Podcast series called The Orange Tree. You should listen to it.

Bernard

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MirrOlure

MirrOlure 14625

Posted
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1 hour ago, KaiserSoze said:

That was Big Will.

(or did he eventually change his name to Hornius Emeritus?)

You're probably right...I did google "cut his package clean off HornFans" and saw a post from HE....but I'm not going to populate my Google search profile with that same search again!

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Augustus

Augustus 3061

Posted
Posted

He's not Mt Rushmore worthy, but I do miss dangersnax. 

He's got a real talent with phrasing.  It was like a neo-beatnik kind of thing.

I seemed to recall a poster accidentally outing himself as dsnax because he forgot which username he was logged in under, but I can't recall whom.

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Ignatius

Ignatius 4001

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Posted
On 4/5/2022 at 8:44 PM, tbone_ said:

Am I the only one that remembers Billy humor and his Horseshit Mafia?

I haven’t seen phlegm in a while. Kinda worries me.

TPE was pretty fucking funny. Lost my shit one day reading his comment about how they should’ve made a bobble head doll for Katherine Hepburn.

And +1 on Scipio

TPE was great, and he literally invented the word ‘aggy’ in a thread titled something like “I’m gonna always refer to Aggies as aggy and see if it catches on”. I think he’s a doctor now?

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C-Man

C-Man 27050

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, futureman said:

can you cliff notes on the origin story of that quote because it escapes me. 

giphy.gif

 

 

If you are serious, it goes back to either the Big 12 Sports message boards -- or maybe the very early days of HornFans.com. The Horns were deciding between Gary Barnett and Mack Brown and conventional wisdom was that that Texas would hire Barnett. Texlarry was the OG insider -- the dude knew shit and shared it from time to time on the boards. At any rate, on the day in question this was his simple post: "I'm stunned ... I'm pissed ... it's Mack Brown" and the boards erupted. Not long after, Mack Brown was announced as successor to John Mackovic. (Full disclosure: I was Team Barnett, just like texlarry.)

(And if I missed the sarcasm and needlessly answered this question, I apologize.)

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futureman

futureman 22415

Posted
Posted
12 minutes ago, C-Man said:

giphy.gif

 

 

If you are serious, it goes back to either the Big 12 Sports message boards -- or maybe the very early days of HornFans.com. The Horns were deciding between Gary Barnett and Mack Brown and conventional wisdom was that that Texas would hire Barnett. Texlarry was the OG insider -- the dude knew shit and shared it from time to time on the boards. At any rate, on the day in question this was his simple post: "I'm stunned ... I'm pissed ... it's Mack Brown" and the boards erupted. Not long after, Mack Brown was announced as successor to John Mackovic. (Full disclosure: I was Team Barnett, just like texlarry.)

(And if I missed the sarcasm and needlessly answered this question, I apologize.)

I was unaware of hornfans at that time. I was 11. 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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It was Texas/Arizona hoops.  But yeah, 2+ decades  years later, but I still read it once a year or so and still genuinely laugh.  Always wanted to meet that guy in person.  That itinerary and the Hunter S Thompson daily agenda are two of the funniest pieces to me because they come across as the most demented way to spend a day.   I’ve spent equally debauchery-filled 24-hr periods but I never thought to chronicle it so precisely and certainly not with such unintentional, erudite wit.

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shadow_operative2.0

shadow_operative2.0 15826

Posted
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3 - The fucking Loko story 

Quote

Ok, sorry for the lack of updates. Eventually the Loko's caught up with me and hit me like a fucking runaway train. My friend tried to get me in bed, and then left after he thought I was asleep. I remember none of this. The first flash of consciousness came when some police officer was strapping handcuffs on to me for Public Intoxication. Apparently I was stumbling around the courtyard of my complex barefooted with my chef's apron on. I really don't know how that came about, all I remember is the horrible ride in the police car with the handcuffs behind my back. Spending the night in jail really sucked and I just got home a little while ago. FML...

Anyone on the shaggy legal team want to advise me on the rules of PI? I plead not guilty, but I just want to get this to go away with some community service or what not. I do not wan this on my record and I can't afford to pay a fine...

btw, the door to my apartment was open when I got back with Itunes still playing music. It looked like a bull had run through a china shop. I am officially done with Four Loko.

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Ignatius

Ignatius 4001

Posted
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21 hours ago, C-Man said:

giphy.gif

 

 

If you are serious, it goes back to either the Big 12 Sports message boards -- or maybe the very early days of HornFans.com. The Horns were deciding between Gary Barnett and Mack Brown and conventional wisdom was that that Texas would hire Barnett. Texlarry was the OG insider -- the dude knew shit and shared it from time to time on the boards. At any rate, on the day in question this was his simple post: "I'm stunned ... I'm pissed ... it's Mack Brown" and the boards erupted. Not long after, Mack Brown was announced as successor to John Mackovic. (Full disclosure: I was Team Barnett, just like texlarry.)

(And if I missed the sarcasm and needlessly answered this question, I apologize.)

It was on the hookem.com/360.com site, which where all of nutjobs congregated prior to HornFans…

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AeroHorn

AeroHorn 735

Posted
Posted
On 4/8/2022 at 10:12 AM, TrashMaster G said:

Not Mt Rushmore-worthy, but special shoutouts to...

1 - The author of the Big XII Championship game / Texas-UNC basketball game day of drunkenness

2 - The author of the Waco Christmas lights story

And also the barbequing of the opponent visitor's (was it Colorado?) pet dog story. It was like the horror version of the aggy fanfic "visitor in awe of aggy hospitality".

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bullet 1596

Posted
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On 4/3/2022 at 7:16 PM, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Bill in Sinton
Longhorn Bob

Can't believe it too this long to bring up LHB.  Miss his Texas Independence Day posts.

He showed up periodically on Burnt Orange Fan Zone (founded by Longhorn Fan Zone deadenders) until that site went dark as well.  Think too much Charlie Strong killed the owners' interest.

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