Surly parents worried about their kids being attacked- megathread

[Bateshorn 9927]

On another thread, there has been a lot of concern from Surly parents about their kids being sexually assaulted in college and crime demographics of the surrounding community. Here’s your thread to talk it out. 
 

As a reminder, 8 out of 10 victims know their assailant. 1 in 10 rape victims is male. 

[StruggleBus 3922]

1 minute ago, Bateshorn said:

1 in 10 rape victims is male. 

[Bateshorn 9927]

[atomheartbevo 89659]

Based on the thread title, I was going to say that I’m not worried because my son is not a middle-aged black comedian, but after reading the OP, I understand.   My daughter is young, but she’ll be in some kind of martial arts from now all the way through high school.  

[Homercles 10205]

45 minutes ago, StruggleBus said:

Yeah and the article says ‘99% of perpetrators are male’.  I’ll let your brilliant comedic ass figure out what that means. 

[StruggleBus 3922]

8 minutes ago, Homercles said:

Yeah and the article says ‘99% of perpetrators are male’.  I’ll let your brilliant comedic ass figure out what that means. 

[tx 3 putt 76935]

32 minutes ago, Homercles said:

Yeah and the article says ‘99% of perpetrators are male’.  I’ll let your brilliant comedic ass figure out what that means. 

thats better odds than the average surly lawyer has of having sex with a female 

[Homercles 10205]

15 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

thats better odds than the average surly lawyer has of having sex with a female 

Well we’ve established StruggleBus likes it in the ass so no worries there 

[Brew 3049]

Other thread had some interesting thoughts on the matter and people have looked at it differently than we did. My kids aren’t leaving the state because of my/our thoughts of what if in relation to them, they are leaving because they don’t like the direction things are going and don’t like how that direction impacts women and others in general. I guess it‘s probably something that needs to be discussed sooner rather than later. Neither are naive to the way the world works, but both are probably sheltered more than they need to be having grown up where they did and looking to move where they think they want to end up.

[SHOOTER12 8806]

I'll respond later when I haven't been drinking. 

[Bateshorn 9927]

My broader point is that while area crime statistics are something you should consider, when it comes to sexual assault, college parties are by far the most dangerous place, from a numbers perspective, than just going about your business of going to and from class. 
 

 

[Nolacycling 893]

Drugs and alcohol have got to be included also

[Pato del Muerto 52493]

8 minutes ago, Nolacycling said:

Drugs and alcohol have got to be included also

Can it be called a party if they aren’t?

[Guest]

nm

Edited May 9, 2022 by slorch

[fattyflattie 4639]

2 hours ago, Bateshorn said:

My broader point is that while area crime statistics are something you should consider, when it comes to sexual assault, college parties are by far the most dangerous place, from a numbers perspective, than just going about your business of going to and from class. 
 

 

I believe that’s understood. But there are schools with a rep for being shitastic in that regard.  See: Briles, Art

[Pato del Muerto 52493]

6 minutes ago, fattyflattie said:

I believe that’s understood. But there are schools with a rep for being shitastic in that regard.  See: Briles, Art

Are they worse for the total number of assaults, or just worse in the cover up and lack of prosecution of them?  I guess how could you know? (Baylor specific question)

Edited May 9, 2022 by Pato del Muerto

[JesusSweatDuck 17781]

4 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Are they worse for the total number of assaults, or just worse in the cover up and lack of prosecution of them?  I guess how could you know? (Baylor specific question)

I'd just say Baylor's general attitude about women and their place in society (make me a sammich) is a big part of the problem.  Baylor seems to be worse in that regard compared to other "religious" colleges.

[fattyflattie 4639]

6 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Are they worse for the total number of assaults, or just worse in the cover up and lack of prosecution of them?  I guess how could you know? (Baylor specific question)

In that case at a minimum, the way they were handled is a cause for concern imo. 

[Bateshorn 9927]

21 minutes ago, fattyflattie said:

I believe that’s understood. But there are schools with a rep for being shitastic in that regard.  See: Briles, Art

Dartmouth has a really bad reputation and has had for a long time. I think part of it is 60-70% of the student body is Greek. 

[Pam Cummings 9641]

My kid drives a golf cart and has bear mace, so i think we're safe.

Edited May 10, 2022 by Pam Cummings

[CleverNickname 1308]

12 hours ago, Bateshorn said:

On another thread, there has been a lot of concern from Surly parents about their kids being sexually assaulted in college and crime demographics of the surrounding community. Here’s your thread to talk it out. 
 

As a reminder, 8 out of 10 victims know their assailant. 1 in 10 rape victims is male. 

Not sure if you were referring to my CR-ish thread bomb. But my point was actually not about crime rates or whatever. My point was I'm not sure I want my daughter to go to school where first trimester abortions are banned. I'm not so much worried about stranger danger rape (though the thought is of course terrifying). I am worried about the friend-zoned dweeb that takes advantage of too much alcohol, or "nice guy" who gets aggressive when she wants to stop at second base, or the creep boyfriend who stealths a condom. Those crimes are very rarely reported, but 100% something women have to consider. 

In Texas, sometime this summer HB 1280 will kick in. Abortions will be eliminated in Texas. Birth control is not perfect and for some women hormonal (or IUD) birth control just doesn't work or messes them up too much. It is possible that in 2023 the Texas Legislure will adopted further restrictions. I am not some super pro-choice advocate. I would probably be okay with a ~15 week window, if it included decent enough life of mother caveats. But HB 1280 has no such limitations. It's a full elimination of abortion in Texas and it is already law. 

Yes, I am sure Darrmouth or New Hampshire have plenty of date raping assholes. And that sucks. But - and this is critical for some of us thinking about college choice now or in the future - in August of 2022 in New Hamshire a woman who was raped can get an abortion. In August of 2022, a young woman raped at UT-Austin or Rice or whatever, cannot. This is a factor plenty of normal not-particularly woke gun owning people like me will consider. My daughter is still a few years from college choice. Fortunately she is smart enough that I bet some out of state college will offer scholarship money or at least an in-state tuition deal. Because I don't think I want her to go to college in Texas. And if she moves back after, that will be her adult choice.

https://capitol.texas.gov/billlookup/History.aspx?LegSess=87R&Bill=HB1280

https://www.texastribune.org/2021/05/11/texas-legislature-abortion-roe-wade/

[Bateshorn 9927]

9 minutes ago, CleverNickname said:

Not sure if you were referring to my CR-ish thread bomb. But my point was actually not about crime rates or whatever. My point was I'm not sure I want my daughter to go to school where first trimester abortions are banned. I'm not so much worried about stranger danger rape (though the thought is of course terrifying). I am worried about the friend-zoned dweeb that takes advantage of too much alcohol, or "nice guy" who gets aggressive when she wants to stop at second base, or the creep boyfriend who stealths a condom. Those crimes are very rarely reported, but 100% something women have to consider. 

In Texas, sometime this summer HB 1280 will kick in. Abortions will be eliminated in Texas. Birth control is not perfect and for some women hormonal (or IUD) birth control just doesn't work or messes them up too much. It is possible that in 2023 the Texas Legislure will adopted further restrictions. I am not some super pro-choice advocate. I would probably be okay with a ~15 week window, if it included decent enough life of mother caveats. But HB 1280 has no such limitations. It's a full elimination of abortion in Texas and it is already law. 

Yes, I am sure Darrmouth or New Hampshire have plenty of date raping assholes. And that sucks. But - and this is critical for some of us thinking about college choice now or in the future - in August of 2022 in New Hamshire a woman who was raped can get an abortion. In August of 2022, a young woman raped at UT-Austin or Rice or whatever, cannot. This is a factor plenty of normal not-particularly woke gun owning people like me will consider. My daughter is still a few years from college choice. Fortunately she is smart enough that I bet some out of state college will offer scholarship money or at least an in-state tuition deal. Because I don't think I want her to go to college in Texas. And if she moves back after, that will be her adult choice.

https://capitol.texas.gov/billlookup/History.aspx?LegSess=87R&Bill=HB1280

https://www.texastribune.org/2021/05/11/texas-legislature-abortion-roe-wade/

You were not the thread bomber. Parent's and prospective students considering the political climate of a college is totally reasonable.  My son eliminated a school because he was concerned about the tenor of the accepted students social media.

The STRANGER DANGER and some not so subtle undertones about "bad" areas around colleges is what lead me to start a new thread. 

Edited May 9, 2022 by Bateshorn

[High Plains Drifter 11049]

11 minutes ago, CleverNickname said:

Not sure if you were referring to my CR-ish thread bomb. But my point was actually not about crime rates or whatever. My point was I'm not sure I want my daughter to go to school where first trimester abortions are banned. I'm not so much worried about stranger danger rape (though the thought is of course terrifying). I am worried about the friend-zoned dweeb that takes advantage of too much alcohol, or "nice guy" who gets aggressive when she wants to stop at second base, or the creep boyfriend who stealths a condom. Those crimes are very rarely reported, but 100% something women have to consider. 

In Texas, sometime this summer HB 1280 will kick in. Abortions will be eliminated in Texas. Birth control is not perfect and for some women hormonal (or IUD) birth control just doesn't work or messes them up too much. It is possible that in 2023 the Texas Legislure will adopted further restrictions. I am not some super pro-choice advocate. I would probably be okay with a ~15 week window, if it included decent enough life of mother caveats. But HB 1280 has no such limitations. It's a full elimination of abortion in Texas and it is already law. 

Yes, I am sure Darrmouth or New Hampshire have plenty of date raping assholes. And that sucks. But - and this is critical for some of us thinking about college choice now or in the future - in August of 2022 in New Hamshire a woman who was raped can get an abortion. In August of 2022, a young woman raped at UT-Austin or Rice or whatever, cannot. This is a factor plenty of normal not-particularly woke gun owning people like me will consider. My daughter is still a few years from college choice. Fortunately she is smart enough that I bet some out of state college will offer scholarship money or at least an in-state tuition deal. Because I don't think I want her to go to college in Texas. And if she moves back after, that will be her adult choice.

https://capitol.texas.gov/billlookup/History.aspx?LegSess=87R&Bill=HB1280

https://www.texastribune.org/2021/05/11/texas-legislature-abortion-roe-wade/

 

my daugther is only 11 so I got a few years before college choices become a thing, but I agree 100% with this post.

(Although she's already said she wants to go to college in NYC. I'm hoping that means Columbia.)

 

 

[Guest]

Worried about daughters because of political climate in prospective college states.

No fucks given about wives, evidently.

And no, I'm not knocking the concern for your kids. It's just a bit peculiar that this is a point of emphasis in that discussion; but where's the talk of Mom & Pop leaving Texas for the same reason?

 

Edited May 9, 2022 by slorch

[MonkeyDoughnut 10234]

I've got boys so I don't directly relate to much of this, just trying to wrap my head around it.  But we're talking about deciding on a college based on the ability to readily get an abortion if our smart kids are raped, likely after drinking and/or getting drugged or doing drugs by a person they typically know with birth control not being 100% reliable?

I'm not saying the thought or concerns are not valid as much as my god how did we really get here.

[Celery Man 20944]

1 hour ago, JesusSweatDuck said:

I'd just say Baylor's general attitude about women and their place in society (make me a sammich) is a big part of the problem.  Baylor seems to be worse in that regard compared to other "religious" colleges.

 

Up until recently BYU investigated victims of sexual assault for violating the honor code.

 

11 minutes ago, slorch said:

Worried about daughters because of political climate in prospective college states.

No fucks given about wives, evidently.

And no, I'm not knocking the concern for your kids.

 

 

[Guest]

1 minute ago, Celery Man said:

 

Up until recently BYU investigated victims of sexual assault for violating the honor code.

 

 

  Edit my post, and yeah, your reaction is appropriate.

Edited May 9, 2022 by slorch

[Neonmoon 38129]

40 minutes ago, CleverNickname said:

Not sure if you were referring to my CR-ish thread bomb. But my point was actually not about crime rates or whatever. My point was I'm not sure I want my daughter to go to school where first trimester abortions are banned. I'm not so much worried about stranger danger rape (though the thought is of course terrifying). I am worried about the friend-zoned dweeb that takes advantage of too much alcohol, or "nice guy" who gets aggressive when she wants to stop at second base, or the creep boyfriend who stealths a condom. Those crimes are very rarely reported, but 100% something women have to consider. 

Ding ding ding. 

Most people would be alarmed at how many times girls you know have had to take Plan B. 

Let me put it another way. Think of every single girl you've dated or every girl you've had intercourse with and think of having to raise a child with them. Nightmare fuel.

[Js1 85321]

10 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

 

Up until recently BYU investigated victims of sexual assault for violating the honor code.

 

 

SLORCHED

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, Js1 said:

SLORCHED

So the wives in families with such political convictions will not be leaving?

I guess they are exempt from pregnancy due to sexual assault...

[Reynolds Woodcock 4740]

15 minutes ago, slorch said:

So the wives in families with such political convictions will not be leaving?

I guess they are exempt from pregnancy due to sexual assault...

I see Slorch got inspired by James Harden last night and decided to have a vintage, throwback Slorch performance today. Welcome back!

[Celery Man 20944]

1) some people are talking about that, but this (and that) thread isn’t about that

 2) risk profile is different between an 18 year old girl and your menopausal wife

 3) choosing where to start your life is different than choosing to uproot your life

 there are threads for that discussion if you wish to have it

Edited May 9, 2022 by Celery Man

[CleverNickname 1308]

12 minutes ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

I've got boys so I don't directly relate to much of this, just trying to wrap my head around it.  But we're talking about deciding on a college based on the ability to readily get an abortion if our smart kids are raped, likely after drinking and/or getting drugged or doing drugs by a person they typically know with birth control not being 100% reliable?

I'm not saying the thought or concerns are not valid as much as my god how did we really get here.

Instead of the plurality position, a highly gerrymandered system encourages maximalists positions. When HB 1280 passed Rs told Scott Braddock that it meant  kthi g because they expected Roe to stand. The majority of folks would be okay with a 14 or 15 week limitation. So more restrictive than the last 49 years! Instead we get HB 1280 and Sen McConnell saying an R fed legislature (because of Senate and macro factors, all but guaranteed) may abolsih filibuster and ban all abortion nationwide in 2024 while various state politicians not ruling out banning contraception or Plan B. This is where we are. Think ivy is hard to get in now, try McGill or McMaster next year.

 

27 minutes ago, slorch said:

It's just a bit peculiar that this is a point of emphasis in that discussion; but where's the talk of Mom & Pop leaving Texas for the same reason?

Like most, a variety of reasons. Employment handcuffs for one. Pension. All this was theoretical until Dobbs. I have varied policy preferences from state leadership, but the state has sort of muddled through just fine anyway. Bickering about taxes, school finance, pros and cons of medicaid expansion, merits of climate change policies, and transportation priorities are honestly pretty tangential to my life. I go to work, Target, Home Depot, and my kids practices/games. I would miss HEB, I guess. And easy access to my ranch, with its new hole. Trump didn't change that directly (you could blame the Garland freeze out and RBG being stubborn and unstrategic, too), but through SCOTUS appointments. And now we have Dobbs.

I'd actually be okay with another kid, but that's not a unilateral decision in a normal marriage, we are probably nearly all dried up, and anyway none of your business. We have access to Plan B for now (future pro tip: grab it in CO along with weed and hope the okies don't confiscate it). Hell, we could fly to Monterrey if we had to. And let's be honest: rape is more of a threat for young women (particularly those dating and going out) than my middle aged MILF wife. I mean, I bone her seven days a week, but I bet she's what that Amy Schumer skit would call past her last fuckable day.

But this is real real. More real and personal than the vast majority of political bullshit. Even more important than Arch Manning - or at least as important! We have saved for retirement well over the years, and with the skyrocketing Austin home asset inflation, we wont have trouble relocating when our kids graduate high school. If we have to vote with our feet, so be it.

[Harrison Bergeron 1798]

I have a son and a daughter. I worry about both ending up in this terrible, complicated situation. I think the college, drunken date rape is one of the most difficult situations to navigate, and I do not have a lot of confidence in universities' ability to fairly deal with it. Traditionally, the've seemed to approach it on the edges, which rarely has turned out well for the parties involved.

[Brew 3049]

50 minutes ago, slorch said:

So the wives in families with such political convictions will not be leaving?

I guess they are exempt from pregnancy due to sexual assault...

It has zero to do with this thread, but once my kids are out of high school we will be moving due to the political climate. To respond to your premise though, the fact that you think my daughter going to college in a couple of years and my wife have the same risks tells me you aren’t being all that genuine to the discussion.

Like I mentioned earlier, we’ve had zero discussions about looking at places from an abortion availability standpoint. It hasn’t entered the discussion and I don’t think it ever will. She is primarily looking at colleges outside of states that are all over the news the last year or so for decisions they are making concerning a multitude of things she doesn’t agree with. Some of that is being young and naive, but we’ve also been pushing them to leave the south for a long time.

[Mrs Whiggins 13050]

I pointed out in the other thread that not all females take oral contraceptives only to prevent pregnancy. There are reasons related to cysts, etc and other health issues. Some of the states, such as Louisiana, are passing bills that will prohibit sales of these medicines. Illegal means no pharmacy or doctor prescriptions and no mail order to the state. Healthcare can affect a college decision in that regard and it bears consideration.

[Bateshorn 9927]

From a policy perspective, if the Alito draft holds, it’s clear we are moving to a much more federal system similar to the anti-bellum arrangement. We are likely going to see a wide range of rules and laws with no basic national standard. 
 

It’s reasonable to take that into consideration.

[Harrison Bergeron 1798]

14 minutes ago, Bateshorn said:

From a policy perspective, if the Alito draft holds, it’s clear we are moving to a much more federal system similar to the anti-bellum arrangement. We are likely going to see a wide range of rules and laws with no basic national standard. 
 

It’s reasonable to take that into consideration.

Not to distract from the OP, but that is one of the the geniuses of federalism it allows concurrent diversity and cohesion. I've never gotten the "we need to divorce as a nation" argument form either side because we actually have the ability to live "in separate bedrooms" if you will.

[BehoId, The Underminer! 11669]

21 minutes ago, Bateshorn said:

From a policy perspective, if the Alito draft holds, it’s clear we are moving to a much more federal system similar to the anti-bellum arrangement. We are likely going to see a wide range of rules and laws with no basic national standard. 
 

It’s reasonable to take that into consideration.

I think it is unlikely.  It’s just been handed to the lege.  Extremism in the legislature incentivizes whoever is in control to federalize their preferred choice.  McConnell just said there might be a national abortion ban by statue. 

[Elvis 3371]

Now I recognize y’all won’t respect my moral high horse, 

 

but just teach your sons not to rape, and teach your daughters to be good. 
 

this is not an administrative issue. 

[Bateshorn 9927]

Perhaps I wasn't being clear:  The Alito draft brings into question a broad range of assumptions we have all worked with if they aren't specifically mentioned in the Constitution or were understood to be deeply held rights at the time of it's signing. If it goes the way it looks now, States could be banning or empowering all sorts of activity that we usually take for granted when traveling domestically.

It will likely look much more like our system for regulating alcohol, which leaves the discretion almost entirely to the states.

[Harrison Bergeron 1798]

3 minutes ago, Bateshorn said:

Perhaps I wasn't being clear:  The Alito draft brings into question a broad range of assumptions we have all worked with if they aren't specifically mentioned in the Constitution or were understood to be deeply held rights at the time of it's signing. If it goes the way it looks now, States could be banning or empowering all sorts of activity that we usually take for granted when traveling domestically.

It will likely look much more like our system for regulating alcohol, which leaves the discretion almost entirely to the states.

I have not read the entire draft, but parts I have indicates it is pretty narrow. I think a lot of the disinformation is designed to create artificial hysteria. The reality is with live with this fact today around things like guns, marijuana, capital punishment, and I'm sure a host of other issues. Just for the record, I am consist on my support of federalism independent of a particular issue, which is why it is frustrating to discuss with 99% of folks who have a different POV depending on the particular issue.

[Bateshorn 9927]

Honestly, if I had a child that was LGBTQ, I would think long and hard about attending college in the state of Texas.  I certainly would dissuade them from say Tulane, or Vanderbilt. 

[BehoId, The Underminer! 11669]

21 minutes ago, Elvis said:

Now I recognize y’all won’t respect my moral high horse, 

 

but just teach your sons not to rape, and teach your daughters to be good. 
 

this is not an administrative issue. 

problem is i don't get to teach other parents' sons.

[Elvis 3371]

I do. I coach them. “Don’t be a jerk you dipshit kids. “

[Celery Man 20944]

that oughta handle it

[workswithseed 2103]

13 minutes ago, BehoId, The Underminer! said:

problem is i don't get to teach other parents' sons.

How many parents are going "rape is good." especially ones going to college?

[BehoId, The Underminer! 11669]

1 minute ago, workswithseed said:

How many parents are going "rape is good." especially ones going to college?

given how frequently it occurs on college campuses, a lot evidently.

[Js1 85321]

10 minutes ago, workswithseed said:

How many parents are going "rape is good." especially ones going to college?

Just the Baylor alumni

[Helobious 9449]