MaybeACoordinator has passed away - Official Farewell Thread

[Gatorubet 30330]

I’m sad for everyone’s loss. 

I’m jealous that those who knew him got to hang with him, and I will never have that gift. 

[Homercles 10206]

Man I wish I had known more about Steve Earle back when I was introduced to him…as Walon on The Wire.  He’s one of my favorite characters on my favorite show of all time that’s absolutely jammed full of them (Omar, Bunk, Lester, Slim Charles, Senator Davis, Bubs, Snoop, Chris, Ziggy, The Greek and his #2…it just goes on).  

Once I heard about his actual day job here, was in awe of what that man has gone through and who else he has helped.  It’s a damn shame that MAC had first ballot HoF’er trying to help and still wasn’t able to just say ‘ok’ in handing the wheel over.  

“You want to kick this shit, you got to forgive your own self.  Love yourself some, brother…then drag your sorry ass to some meetings”

[Randolph Duke 4034]

I knew him kind of well.

He hit me up to write a piece on my "23rd Aggie" from the 1922 New Year's game. He wrote his article. It made its rounds. I hadn't heard from him in well over a year. Now I know why.

RIP.

[UpperWestside 6192]

I learned a good long while back that sometimes it is best to just sit in reflective contemplation about the good a person did in their life in moments such as this. Reading the stories he told to us on here were captivating and mesmerizing. I think he was a gentle soul that did a whole lot of good for people through his writing. I am glad he is now at peace. 
 

Those of you who knew him outside of this space can deal with his death how you see fit because death is different for everyone. Grieve as long as you need to and how you need to. There are plenty of folks here that can lend an ear to you if you need it. It is best sometimes to just listen.

[troph 24916]

Yeah @Brisketexan ive been down that road - if I had only had the courage to say more - foolish thoughts that my words would be the words to save someone 30+ years into addiction and standing on death’s doorstep. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re no where near handsome enough to win over addiction.

[troph 24916]

Okay, for those of you that took a listen, I added a song near the end for his bounce back, Lord Huron "Not Dead Yet" and finished with Guy Clark's "My favorite picture of you." Townes, Steve Earle, Jerry Jeff, Bonnie Raitt, John Prine, Todd Snider, Willie, Patty Griffin and a few others. I also added "That Wrecking Ball" as suggested by @40acredropout. If you want to take some time and remember or honor, it's a pretty sweet playlist.  Shit, may have it played when I'm on my way out too.

 

 

I think in the end, there is deep sadness but the guy was worth celebrating too, so here's to MAC.

Edited May 23, 2023 by troph

[Beau Vine 54487]

23 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

John knew a SHITLOAD of big names in the biz. Shit, for a bit, we were trying to get Steve Earle to give him a talking to, because he’d listen to Steve.

You'd think Isbell could have possibly made a difference.

[troph 24916]

Just now, Beau Vine said:

You'd think Isbell could have possibly made a difference.

he's uglier than brisket so no.  ain't no one going to get through if getting through isn't in the cards. that's how hideous and dangerous it is.

[Brisketexan 105478]

10 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

You'd think Isbell could have possibly made a difference.

 

8 minutes ago, troph said:

he's uglier than brisket so no.  ain't no one going to get through if getting through isn't in the cards. that's how hideous and dangerous it is.

But his lovely bride Amanda Shires.....she could make me quit heroin.  Or start using it.  Whatever she says.

And yeah, the cold hard truth (that only comes to me after banging my head against the wall for far longer than any sane person should, which is my way of being in this world) is that there's not a damned thing any of us can do to get through to an addict in active addiction.

We can support them in recovery.  But getting from addiction to recovery....well, I sure as hell haven't found any recipe that even comes close to working.  

[MissingInAction 25238]

In some cases, no matter how much it hurts, you have to step away before they bring you down with them. Especially with the hard stuff. Start off sharing a couple bumps then next thing you know you're both living in a van down by the river.

[Pimphand 6005]

Rest In Power

[DalTxHornFan 3121]

Healed.

[cactusflinthead 27609]

 

[irishtexan 11530]

16 minutes ago, cactusflinthead said:

 

Fuck.....

[Brisketexan 105478]

The Houston Press piece is fantastic too.  https://www.houstonpress.com/news/rest-in-peace-john-nova-lomax-15736333?fbclid=IwAR3L2Z2Zs3OnQbwUzeXeydGkZZt4C0UrcGH0JzXc0RJBOmgqno0f-XroaNU

Quote

"I was present when Nova asked one of the doctors on the ICU that was telling him he was dying, what would be listed as the cause of death. The doctor told him cirrhosis. Nova said 'Can we tweak that a little bit?' The doc was being all business at the time and said 'The fact that your liver is not functioning is what is causing your kidneys to fail so yes, cirrhosis.'

"Nova said it was just a series of bad decisions. I said so is that what you want listed as the cause of death and he said that would work. Death by a series of bad decisions.

"Also we talked about what he wanted to be written on a grave marker. He said 'To Live is to Fly.' Which is a Townes Van Zandt song. Also, he said 'Learn From My Mistakes.'"

 

[Herbie Hancock 7377]

You'd think Isbell could have possibly made a difference.

I've never met BearSchlong in person, but I've text back and forth with him and even had an almost hour long conversation with him a few years ago when discussing one of my coworkers and best friends who seemed to be on the same path as MaC. He must have said it 40x, but it wasn't until about #38 that it finally sunk in what it meant when he said : "Not you, not his momma, not his wife, not any group of all of the above can make a person get sober. He has to make that decision on his own, and there is absolutely NOTHING that you or anyone else on this entire earth can do to change that. The sooner you accept that the better off you and he both will be."

[Brisketexan 105478]

8 minutes ago, Herbie Hancock said:

I've never met BearSchlong in person, but I've text back and forth with him and even had an almost hour long conversation with him a few years ago when discussing one of my coworkers and best friends who seemed to be on the same path as MaC. He must have said it 40x, but it wasn't until about #38 that it finally sunk in what it meant when he said : "Not you, not his momma, not his wife, not any group of all of the above can make a person get sober. He has to make that decision on his own, and there is absolutely NOTHING that you or anyone else on this entire earth can do to change that. The sooner you accept that the better off you and he both will be."

I had a similar conversation with BearSchlong about MaC.  It was appreciated.  It was kind, but firm.  BS is good people.

[Al Bundy's Napoleon Hand 13595]

RIP MAC

[TwiceHorn 31646]

21 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I had a similar conversation with BearSchlong about MaC.  It was appreciated.  It was kind, but firm.  BS is good people.

Yeah, the level of consequences that he was suffering, apparently, without making big strides in recovery was a bad omen for him.

The best thing, the only valid thing, anyone can do for someone in that state is, as Bear says, give them the dignity to suffer their own consequences.

[bularry_1 0]

I'm posting as a guest, but posted for a long time on hornfans and then shaggy as bularry.   Followed the writing career of MaC and loved what he wrote about.   He was extremely gifted and I'm indescribably sad about the passing of someone I never met in person.  Maybe it was because of this unique community "back in the day", maybe because we are very close in age, maybe because I so wish I had his talent as a writer, I don't know.

My deepest condolences to those who knew him personally.  We are all worse off with his loss

[Clintonaldo 2577]

Judging by the tributes the guy lived a hell of a life and we should all be so lucky to have this many people care when we die. 
 

 

I try to be an optimist. 

[Herbie Hancock 7377]

Yeah, the level of consequences that he was suffering, apparently, without making big strides in recovery was a bad omen for him.
The best thing, the only valid thing, anyone can do for someone in that state is, as Bear says, give them the dignity to suffer their own consequences.

I don't cry. Whether that's something to be proud of or not I'm not sure. I've seen shit I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Shit that I should probably be in counseling for. And when Bear said to me: "There is absolutely nothing you can do. You have to allow him the dignity to feel the full consequences of his actions. For some people that consequence is losing a job, or a relationship, and for some people that consequence is death". Fuck.

I hope in death, MaC has found the peace that eluded him in life.

[Sgt Hulk 13928]

Father died from alcoholism at age 49 so this was a tough read 

[Celery Man 21021]

1 minute ago, Herbie Hancock said:

I've seen shit I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

[TwiceHorn 31646]

6 minutes ago, Sgt Hulk said:

Father died from alcoholism at age 49 so this was a tough read 

If I may ask, do you drink?  Any problems with it?

I pretty strongly believe it's highly genetic, but everyone has two parents and genes aren't always predictable.  A fair number of adult children of alcoholics become teetotalers pretty quick or early and just sidestep the whole thing.

Some drink, have problems and enter recovery alongside their parent(s), BearSchlong being an example. Some never have a problem at all.  Some drink themselves into an early grave just like Pa and Ma, or Pa or Ma.

And, I tend to think that the degree of alcoholism, functional, non-functional, recovered or unrecovered and terminal, can be determined by genetics as well.

 

Edited May 23, 2023 by TwiceHorn

[Brew 3049]

To those that knew him, I’m sorry for your loss. His life seems like one that has made an impact on many which is more than most of us can say.

I wish I knew more about him and connected the dots while he was still here after reading the tributes and articles that have been posted. The list of people that have commented is a who’s who of guys I would bend over backwards to sit down with which means he would have been on that list also.

May he finally rest in peace and may his memory carry on in the words he has written. 

 

[Sgt Hulk 13928]

33 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

If I may ask, do you drink?  Any problems with it?

I pretty strongly believe it's highly genetic, but everyone has two parents and genes aren't always predictable.  A fair number of adult children of alcoholics become teetotalers pretty quick or early and just sidestep the whole thing.

Some drink, have problems and enter recovery alongside their parent(s), BearSchlong being an example. Some never have a problem at all.  Some drink themselves into an early grave just like Pa and Ma, or Pa or Ma.

And, I tend to think that the degree of alcoholism, functional, non-functional, recovered or unrecovered and terminal, can be determined by genetics as well.

 

Nah I don’t drink. I’ll sip a bourbon here and there but I haven’t been drunk since a promotion in 2017. My brother on the other hand drinks like prohibition is coming but he’s also Navy and they apparently make a sport out of it.  I take my fitness and training very seriously so I rarely drink if ever.  

[mchookem 16434]

44 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

If I may ask, do you drink?  Any problems with it?

I pretty strongly believe it's highly genetic, but everyone has two parents and genes aren't always predictable.  A fair number of adult children of alcoholics become teetotalers pretty quick or early and just sidestep the whole thing.

Some drink, have problems and enter recovery alongside their parent(s), BearSchlong being an example. Some never have a problem at all.  Some drink themselves into an early grave just like Pa and Ma, or Pa or Ma.

And, I tend to think that the degree of alcoholism, functional, non-functional, recovered or unrecovered and terminal, can be determined by genetics as well.

 

my god this page is hitting home and all sorts of feels. my mother died of cirrhosis four years ago. she actually didn't drink that much in her last 10 years or so, but she'd done so much damage the doctors thought she must still be a raging alcoholic. kidneys shut down, then everything else... everything MaC went thru, sounds exactly the same.

my sister is well on her way to the same end, and in complete denial. she 'controls' it, dries out for a month or so every year, thinks that takes care of it. she insists mom's biggest problem was she took too much Tylenol. 🙄 seriously. just last night she replied to a text at what was past 1am her time, sounding extremely maudlin...and almost certainly drunk on a weeknight with work this morning. 

my dad's doctor told him before last Christmas to enjoy the holidays bc once the new year started he really needed to start pulling back on the drinking bc his liver was 'starting to show'. near as i can tell that had about zero effect. 

that's every member of my family. i do drink but not anywhere near the volume or frequency of my family. i prefer to get high, good or bad. i used to drink more...but then my niece was born, and i became the only family member that would look around and say 'well somebody needs to stay sober and watch the baby'. i'm also legitimately solely a social drinker, i rarely/never drink alone. drastic difference from my family. 

gotdamn MaC's story is heartbreaking and how you guys feel, the impacts...💔

i'm likely going to go thru this personally two more times, including my much younger sister... and i'm just fucking resigned about it. my husband will get upset and yell about 'you need to tell her this' and 'you need to say XXX to her!' and i'm just like...why? i've said everything to her for 20, 30 years...it makes no difference. she won't even accept how our mother died... she's had a massive rift with her daughter that might be permanent, she's certainly not changing for her... she's moved to live near our dad so they can sit out in the country and get shitfaced together whenever they want... what on earth could i possibly say that would make one bit of difference at this point to either of them?

i know the answer, i accepted it many years back. BearSchlong has very wise words... y'all who lost a friend could have done nothing more than you did.

heartbreaking for all ❤️🤘

[PenelopeWitherspoon 19173]

5 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

In some cases, no matter how much it hurts, you have to step away before they bring you down with them. Especially with the hard stuff. Start off sharing a couple bumps then next thing you know you're both living in a van down by the river.

RIP MAC.  He leaves a legacy greater than many of us who might live twice as long.

[Gatorubet 30330]

5 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Start off sharing a couple bumps then next thing you know you're both living in a van down by the river.

For reals. That’s where I shot my baby.

[Bevo 13608]

3 hours ago, mchookem said:

my sister is well on her way to the same end, and in complete denial. she 'controls' it, dries out for a month or so every year, thinks that takes care of it. she insists mom's biggest problem was she took too much Tylenol.

Ibuprofen is harder on the kidneys than acetaminophen. Tylenol is hard on the liver and damage to the kidneys usually only happens when the recommended dosage is exceeded.

[BearSchlong 8133]

Yeah, the level of consequences that he was suffering, apparently, without making big strides in recovery was a bad omen for him.
The best thing, the only valid thing, anyone can do for someone in that state is, as Bear says, give them the dignity to suffer their own consequences.

A pathetic self-inflicted near-death experience derailed my fate train. My love affair with scotch whisky was, thankfully, interrupted by some paramedics and Bexar County hospital staff. Some neurons fired, and self-preservation ensued and has thus far continued. That’s it. I wish I could take more credit.

Guys like John break my heart because there’s no “suddenly” to wreck their pride and ego and arrest their fall. Capitulation remains elusive, they overshoot the mark and the damage is irreparable.

Spine shivering to contemplate.

[Kyrie Eleison 9312]

it’s surreal to read how y’all refer to “the alcoholic” or “the addict.”

 

we have names, faces, lives…we’re real people.  
 

which we understand better than you how much harder that makes things on everyone.  
 

i've seen this situation…this inevitable end…arise so many times that i can no longer feign shock or even pity.  countless people in the various meetings I attend, some passing acquaintances and some genuine friends, all gone from relapses or never got their hands in the dirt and walked away and more than a few who seared hot metal at 1200 fps through their skull.  
 

I hate it for what it is and i genuinely hate it for the loved ones and friends, but it just is.  it’s what inevitably happens…no different than the sun going down.  
 

real people with real names.
 

next.  
 

I can’t muster much up anymore, not even the “there but for god’s Grace.”  and i honestly don’t know what that says about me: am i a heartless cad, in denial, tired, uncaring.  dunno.  
 

what I do know is that I have a life to live and shit to do with what i have been gifted, and i gotta go.  

[NoName 16423]

8 hours ago, Kyrie Eleison said:

it’s surreal to read how y’all refer to “the alcoholic” or “the addict.”

we have names, faces, lives…we’re real people.  

which we understand better than you how much harder that makes things on everyone.  

i've seen this situation…this inevitable end…arise so many times that i can no longer feign shock or even pity.  countless people in the various meetings I attend, some passing acquaintances and some genuine friends, all gone from relapses or never got their hands in the dirt and walked away and more than a few who seared hot metal at 1200 fps through their skull.  
I hate it for what it is and i genuinely hate it for the loved ones and friends, but it just is.  it’s what inevitably happens…no different than the sun going down. 

real people with real names.

next.  

I can’t muster much up anymore, not even the “there but for god’s Grace.”  and i honestly don’t know what that says about me: am i a heartless cad, in denial, tired, uncaring.  dunno. 

what I do know is that I have a life to live and shit to do with what i have been gifted, and i gotta go.  

this thread very, very, very clearly isn't the place for that discussion. read the room.

[Kyrie Eleison 9312]

6 minutes ago, NoName said:

this thread very, very, very clearly isn't the place for that discussion. read the room.

you misunderstand what I’m saying.  

[troph 24916]

15 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

The Houston Press piece is fantastic too.  https://www.houstonpress.com/news/rest-in-peace-john-nova-lomax-15736333?fbclid=IwAR3L2Z2Zs3OnQbwUzeXeydGkZZt4C0UrcGH0JzXc0RJBOmgqno0f-XroaNU

 

To Live is to Fly was my intro to TVZ/Guy Clark/Steve Earle and it’s not hyperbole to say it’s arguably the greatest song ever written. 

[irishtexan 11530]

Just put together that he died at the same age, and from the same affliction, as Townes.

[Pam Cummings 9689]

16 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

I had a similar conversation with BearSchlong about MaC.  It was appreciated.  It was kind, but firm.  BS is good people.

I really enjoy reading BearSchlong posts and the perspective he can bring. Dude's lived one hell of a life.

[Bevo 13608]

1 hour ago, troph said:

To Live is to Fly was my intro to TVZ/Guy Clark/Steve Earle and it’s not hyperbole to say it’s arguably the greatest song ever written. 

I don't know what he looked like but I picture him as

 

 

[Shoxthemonkey 1983]

17 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

I had a similar conversation with BearSchlong about MaC.  It was appreciated.  It was kind, but firm.  BS is good people.

This is what makes Surly.

I too have had the talk with Bear , and you, Brat, Hulla, Bruin, Cactus, Wild Turkey, Imma and countless others. Hell of a resource for such a group of assholes.

I've read all of the links posted about MAC and it really saddens me that I I never had the luck to have a "talk" with him. I'm jealous of all of you who knew him.

RIP, MAC.

[Nuge 1992]

I'm finding that I'm getting emotional about a person that I've never met IRL but have followed for many years through this site and its predecessors.  I feel like I know a large number of folks through the stories shared under their handles but I really don't know any of the people behind them - even though I've been "acquaintances" with some for 25+ years.  I find that sad and a little disturbing.  Maybe anonymity isn't all its cracked up to be. 

[Jerry Callo 8759]

A couple other articles:

Goodbye to a Writer - Mimi Swartz

In Remembrance of Inimitable Texas Writer John Nova Lomax - Joe Nick Patoski

 

[MissingInAction 25238]

1 hour ago, Nuge said:

I'm finding that I'm getting emotional about a person that I've never met IRL but have followed for many years through this site and its predecessors.  I feel like I know a large number of folks through the stories shared under their handles but I really don't know any of the people behind them - even though I've been "acquaintances" with some for 25+ years.  I find that sad and a little disturbing.  Maybe anonymity isn't all its cracked up to be. 

A Surly tailgate is a perfect opportunity to remedy this.

[Brisketexan 105478]

1 hour ago, Nuge said:

I'm finding that I'm getting emotional about a person that I've never met IRL but have followed for many years through this site and its predecessors.  I feel like I know a large number of folks through the stories shared under their handles but I really don't know any of the people behind them - even though I've been "acquaintances" with some for 25+ years.  I find that sad and a little disturbing.  Maybe anonymity isn't all its cracked up to be. 

"Ready Player One" offered a good observation on that - reality is the only thing that's real.  This little corner of the internet (and all the other corners) may be cool and interesting places, but they're just a fraction of the truth of our existence.  Reality -- real human contact -- is the only thing that is indeed REAL.  We are biologically designed for it, we are creatures of community.  We go out seeking it (and sometimes finding a semblance of it) in places like this.  But the experience of community isn't complete until you close the loop, and meet in real life.

I've got some dear friends on this site, some of whom I knew before, independently, or even in parallel, and some who I met through this site.  But we're friends in the real world, face-to-face.  Hell, I'm having dinner with a couple of them tomorrow.

The older I've gotten, the more deeply I've realized that.  Connection and friendships matter.  They matter a lot.  Make the effort to make them happen.  Reach out and talk to and see people.  It's the most fulfilling thing we can do in this life.

[Nuge 1992]

17 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

A Surly tailgate is a perfect opportunity to remedy this.

I'm up in the PNW and rarely make it back to Austin these days.  I may need to book some tickets.

[Brisketexan 105478]

3 minutes ago, Nuge said:

I'm up in the PNW and rarely make it back to Austin these days.  I may need to book some tickets.

Well, make sure you put out there that you're in the PNW, and connect with people when they come up there on a trip - I've met Surly posters on road trips.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

15 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Well, make sure you put out there that you're in the PNW, and connect with people when they come up there on a trip - I've met Surly posters on road trips.

How was the sex tent?

[Judge Roybeanbag 11821]

5 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

How was the sex tent?

I was thinking more a truck stop bathroom outside of Pampa.

[MissingInAction 25238]

2 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I was thinking more a truck stop bathroom outside of Pampa.

Mints were provided.

[C-Man 27293]

17 hours ago, Bevo said:

Ibuprofen is harder on the kidneys than acetaminophen. Tylenol is hard on the liver and damage to the kidneys usually only happens when the recommended dosage is exceeded.

My mom’s kid sister — my favorite aunt and about 12 years older than I am — went through some depression issues when she got laid off during COVID and became a recluse. Turns out she’s been taking Tylenol PM every night to go to sleep for God knows how long and absolutely wrecked her liver in the process. She rarely drank. She seems to be on a path to some kind of recovery but we’re not sure what long-term effects she’s going to have.