Bachelor/Bachelorette/Paradise Catch-All

[C-Man 27230]

On 7/2/2019 at 3:52 PM, henrygandorf said:

the whole showdown between garrett and luke p was kinda lame and anticlimactic considering we had already seen the whole "jesus still loves me" scene with luke that clearly was from a later date.  in fact, last night's scenes show luke and hannah talking with what looks to be greece behind them, which makes me think he's in the final 3 at least.

(i'm not reading spoilers, i'm sure it's already out there who won).

also we were discussing last night about how you never see such camaraderie between the guys this late.  and i remarked that it's because typically they flush out the villain a few weeks before shit gets serious.  luke is still there, and they were rooting so hard for peter and garrett to walk through that door.

it's consistently amazing to me how hannah sits across from luke p, listening to his garbage, and still takes his side (against a bunch of guys she's also has fucking feelings for).  insanity.

whomever finishes 2nd, 3rd, or 4th, is going to watch this show play back and breathe a huge sigh of relief over the bullet they've just dodged.

Finally watched last night's episode late last night. I've gotten to the point where I love Hannah-Luke P discussions because you'd be hard-pressed to find two dumber contestants in the history of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. That she's so easily manipulated by a complete moron like Luke P is amazing to watch.

At any rate Garrett got way out over his skis in the showdown date with Luke P. His attempt -- and complete fabrication I imagine -- at telling his story of woe (basically seeing heaven while taking a shower) was simply painful. And Hannah ate it up and asked for seconds. I can't wait for Luke's meltdown when he finds out Hannah banged one of the dudes in the fantasy suite.

[Vito Andolini 9126]

Holy shit, Peter’s got the cryinest (TM new word) family I’ve ever seen. Jeez, sack up.

Love the dad, stuck in the 70’s with the chain, cool shirt, blow dried hair and sweet ‘stache.

[Vito Andolini 9126]

On 7/2/2019 at 1:48 PM, ajax said:

Man, from reading all the recaps I'm glad I never made it past the first episode. It's a trainwreck but it doesn't sound the least bit entertaining.

Someone should tell Hannah that Jesus would still love her even if she hosted a Surly gangbang.

Just saw this... actually, this has been a pretty fun season because Hannah has proven to be one of the best leads in franchise history.   And it’s all because she IS a trainwreck, primarily by keeping the villain pretty much the entire season. They’ve also shown some moments they’ve never shown before, as she’s eavesdropped on the guys fighting, then confronted them. She’s also the Dry Hump Queen.

https://www.popsugar.com/entertainment/Why-Hannah-Brown-Best-Bachelorette-46290817

[henrygandorf 29191]

bugs me when they change the rules. 

[C-Man 27230]

7 hours ago, henrygandorf said:

bugs me when they change the rules. 

Maybe. But it keeps Luke P around for at least one more week and we're going to see that epic moment when he finds out she fucks one of the dudes in the fantasy suite, so I'm all for it. They've done everything but say he's going home next week but at this point, I'm rooting for him to win. They're perfect for each other -- they're both utterly stupid. He also has to be the guy who shows up to crash the final party with an engagement ring he buys on his own because I can't see any of the other three left pulling that kind of idiocy.

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

37 minutes ago, C-Man said:

Maybe. But it keeps Luke P around for at least one more week and we're going to see that epic moment when he finds out she fucks one of the dudes in the fantasy suite, so I'm all for it. They've done everything but say he's going home next week but at this point, I'm rooting for him to win. They're perfect for each other -- they're both utterly stupid. He also has to be the guy who shows up to crash the final party with an engagement ring he buys on his own because I can't see any of the other three left pulling that kind of idiocy.

 

He's going to have bigger problems. Slut shamming her on national TV isn't going to go over well. He was the last of the 4 to get his overnight date and doesn't quite go about it the right way while discussing his feelings on the topic with her. 

[Beau Vine 54246]

"Jed, will you accept this rose?"

"No, I won't.  If you seriously can't decide between me and this douchenozzle, then you're the kind of girl I don't want to waste another second of my life with."

Pretty sure I would have said something like that if I had been Jed.

[Mac8111 2107]

And you gotta assume that Luke is the one that shows up with a ring after being sent packing.  

[Go Pokes 979]

3 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

"Jed, will you accept this rose?"

"No, I won't.  If you seriously can't decide between me and this douchenozzle, then you're the kind of girl I don't want to waste another second of my life with."

Pretty sure I would have said something like that if I had been Jed.

I've been wanting someone to do that for years, but I don't think we'll ever see it.  If anyone was going to do it, this would have been the perfect time.  Jed left a fairly serious girlfriend at home to come on the show to help his career and I doubt he''s really all that into Hannah because, why would he be?  The guy he's up against is the biggest douche to ever make it this far, so America would have been on his side.  The look on his face and some of the shit he muttered under his breath made it pretty obvious he was having those same thoughts.  This was our moment boys, and Jed pussed out.  

[C-Man 27230]

55 minutes ago, Mac8111 said:

And you gotta assume that Luke is the one that shows up with a ring after being sent packing.  

Has to be

[henrygandorf 29191]

5 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

"Jed, will you accept this rose?"

"No, I won't.  If you seriously can't decide between me and this douchenozzle, then you're the kind of girl I don't want to waste another second of my life with."

Pretty sure I would have said something like that if I had been Jed.

been the narrative all season.

typically when it gets this late, the knuckleheads and idiots are gone.

but here we are, and two remain - luke p, and hannah.

and she's in love with all four.  good luck with that.

[Vito Andolini 9126]

Casting as your lead an Alabama hillbilly with little hope of ever creating a coherent sentence seemed like a bad idea when Hannah was announced as the next Bachelorette, but it’s turned out be a fucking godsend. Add in her inability to make a decision, her sexual repression/dry hump obsession, a psycho Luke P and a famewhore guitar slinger and it’s amping up to be a fantastic finish. 

I predict the last hour of the three hour finale, what used to be After The Final Rose, will be glorious, even more cringeworthy than when the balding dude dumped the Cowboys cheerleader for Molly whatshername, or Arie/Becca. 

[henrygandorf 29191]

whatever decision she makes she’ll immediately regret. 

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

24 minutes ago, henrygandorf said:

whatever decision she makes she’ll immediately regret. 

 

Well when everything comes out it will be pretty clear to see she was put in a no win situation at least based on the guys she (producers) kept around. The show is so full of wannabe instagram fame whores that it's impossible to know who really is there for the right reasons. (Holy shit I can't believe I just typed that).

 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

The winner will be the guy with the shortest and tightest pants. 

[Mac8111 2107]

Speaking of that, WTF was Tyler wearing at the rose ceremony ????  Capri slacks ???

[henrygandorf 29191]

as long as luke is on bip i’m happy. 

that show needs some spiritual guidance. 

[spystud13 2371]

August 5 is the premiere date for it. 

[C-Man 27230]

Tonight should be pretty good as I assume we'll finally see Luke nuke hisself after slut-shaming Hannah B.

[henrygandorf 29191]

1 hour ago, C-Man said:

Tonight should be pretty good as I assume we'll finally see Luke nuke hisself after slut-shaming Hannah B.

slut-shaming on the bachelorette should provide a smooth transition into bip where everyone stands around all day drinking and looking to hook up.

[Beau Vine 54246]

I was having trouble deciding what was more painful, watching Peter try to tell her he loves her, or watching Jed decide that fantasy sweet dates was the perfect time to discuss Luke and throw up an epic self-cockblock.  And then somehow he talked himself out of it, and Luke went full Luke.  He has to be an actor, because there's no way he didn't sit there across from her and not realize by the look on her face that she was fucking furious.  

Among the 3 finalists, 

Tyler kind of creeps me out for some reason.

Peter seems like the best guy, the guy I'd hope my daughter would pick.  Hannah will pick someone else, though.  

Jed has been made to look so uncomfortable these past two shows...

Spoiler

Did they know he had a girlfriend before he came on the show and kept it under wraps just for the story?

Got dam, Hannah is dumb.  Her toasts are completely cringe-inducing.

[Beau Vine 54246]

10 hours ago, C-Man said:

Tonight should be pretty good as I assume we'll finally see Luke nuke hisself after slut-shaming Hannah B.

They really should have had a live remote camera back at the mansion where all of the eliminated guys were watching that, just to see the reactions.  

[C-Man 27230]

Goodness, that was terrific tonight. Wish somebody would just lay him out on the next episode. The Guys Tell All should be great.

[Saint Austin 745]

I hate to say that I've been sucked into watching these, but missed some of last night's. Did she end up banging three out of the four dudes?

[ajax 2618]

I still have only watched the first episode but the headlines are hilarious.

Hannah Brown and Luke P. Are Fighting on Twitter About Windmill Sex and OMG

Hannah needs to do a Dr Seuss "Green Eggs and Ham" type book. >> "I will screw in a windmill, I will screw in a boat, I will screw in an outhouse, and even a parade float."

[Vito Andolini 9126]

1 hour ago, Saint Austin said:

I hate to say that I've been sucked into watching these, but missed some of last night's. Did she end up banging three out of the four dudes?

The presumption is two of the four, Peter twice in the windmill (maybe in the caboose, too) and Jed. Tyler was all, “I’ll never force you into anything” and they apparently did not make the boat a rockin’. And Luke P. obviously missed out on the p.

[henrygandorf 29191]

so much to unpack here.

the wife was starting to fade out around 10 with about 20 minutes left in the show (behind on the dvr) and she wanted to "put something funny on", but i was basically like "i sat through this garbage for the last month just to get to the eventual luke impaling, and i'm not turning back now."

like any villain in any tv show (got, lost, breaking bad), the longer that villain sticks around, the more devastating his death has to be.  luke p did not disappoint.  starting with jed's systematic dismantling of luke during his date - planting the seed we've been discussing.  "i'm not sure if i can love you if you keep this dick around."  inception is a dangerous game, but i think he played it well.  she likes him that much.  then comes all the rationalization from her.  "i appreciate what you're saying, but you don't understand, our relationship is different."  once you start talking like that, you're the problem.

so she bangs a couple guys, and i'm not completely sure she didn't end up banging tyler as well, she definitely wanted to, but kinda talked herself out of it.  or as the wife put it, "this is when she convinces america that she's not a straight up hooker."

then comes the luke date.  the glassy-eyed look he gives any time she says something nice to him is fucking horrifying to watch.  i can't tell if he's self-hypnotizing or what.  he looks at her like a cult member looks at the leader.  the sad thing is, for the most part, whenever he says something back, she's into it too.  weird.  and since the last couple episodes have all-of-a-sudden brought faith into this competition, of course that's where the conversation leads.

just watching him try to get his words out, with such confidence, only to have her tear away at them with her glares and comebacks.  then watching him retreat and walk back a bunch of his specifics, to try to perfectly frame their relationship as "the way he's always wanted it to be" was brutal to watch.  it was like when you're in 8th grade trying to talk yourself into thinking your first girlfriend was the perfect fit, when it turns out you're just 14 years old.  much like colton, luke's emotional maturity is somewhere in the mid-teens.

so then there's step one - hannah gets clarity.  she gives him the full speech including, "you don't respect the guys, something i'm finally seeing for the first time."  fuck off, really?  i know much was hearsay, but she walked in on them getting into it at least a handful of times, and made luke talk to guys in front of her.  she's wearing blinders.  also it was kind of a genius move for her to turn the tables on him with all the non-sex elements of what she's looking for and how he's fallen short.  i didn't think she had that type of logic in her.  yet she still wouldn't mention sexual specifics.

then, she makes the decision and stands up, but he won't stand up.  then he drops the, "i think you owe me..."  in the history of conversations, nothing good has ever come from a man addressing a woman with a sentence starting with those words.  holy shit.  but of course, luke thinks, "as long as i stay in this chair, i can talk her out of it for the 5th time."  not so much.

then, they get to the car, and he won't get in.  then you can see the hamster and the wheel in her head.  and she drops the bomb.  the sex.  the windmill.  twice.  and while she's telling him this, his fists were clenching up.  totally normal, balanced behavior.  finally, he gets in the car, and is too busy shaking to talk to the camera.  he is the classic example of "some people get so far behind in the race they actually think they're winning."  i bet watching the last few episodes with him was not fun.

but here's the best part - the scenes.  the guys are all at the rose ceremony, and then luke is dressed and heading that way too, because of course he is.  and then he says the magic words, "hannah didn't think i would want to be with her, because of what she did."  orly?  is that how things went down in your mind?  that seems kinda dangerous.  you didn't even get a hug goodbye.  she only walked you to the car to make sure you got in it.  she basically told you to get the f out of h as she flipped the bird to your rear windshield.  but yeah, she just assumed you wouldn't want to be with her.

i can only hope there's an actual physical confrontation at the rose ceremony, as tyler steps up.  luke and his 5'7" frame looks so shocked that anyone would "step to him" but obviously it's 3-1 plus hannah plus whatever security is around.  it would be fun to see him get taken down, but i'm sure he'll just skulk away.  i would think that's the end of it for him, but that means someone else shows up with their own ring.

thinking maybe peter.

ok, procrastination is over, i have a busy day.  next week should be good.

[C-Man 27230]

4 hours ago, ajax said:

I still have only watched the first episode but the headlines are hilarious.

Hannah Brown and Luke P. Are Fighting on Twitter About Windmill Sex and OMG

Hannah needs to do a Dr Seuss "Green Eggs and Ham" type book. >> "I will screw in a windmill, I will screw in a boat, I will screw in an outhouse, and even a parade float."

He'd better not chicken out and skip the "Guys Tell All" show.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

Peter is all in.

Poor guy. She’ll chew him up if they end up together at the end.

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

1 hour ago, C-Man said:

He'd better not chicken out and skip the "Guys Tell All" show.

It was taped last week. He was there. 

 

Speaking of looks like the creator is just as much a douche bag as some of the contestants. Fell for the "I don't want to have another baby, I'm on birth control" line from his wife. Nice work Mike. 

 

In the legal docs, filed by the powerhouse team of attorneys Samantha Spector and Lisa Meyer, Laura says Mike violently attacked her while arguing over the topic of her pregnancy. She claims, "While Mike has frequently been verbally abusive towards me during our marriage, in recent weeks, he has become enraged, due to the fact I am pregnant with our second child. Mike told me many times that he did not want us to have a second child. He also repeatedly told me throughout our marriage, and prior to our marriage, that he knew he would 'have to have' one child with me because I was 26-years-old when we got married, did not yet have any children, and he knew I wanted to have a family. Mike, however, being 55-years old, did not want to have more than one child together."

https://theblast.com/c/bachelor-mike-fleiss-attack-wife-abortion-pregnant-restraining-order

[henrygandorf 29191]

maybe he can be the next bachelor.

jokes aside, that would be amazing.

[C-Man 27230]

28 minutes ago, henrygandorf said:

maybe he can be the next bachelor.

jokes aside, that would be amazing.

He and Harrison seem like a match made in heaven. Didn't Harrison's marriage end because he banged a contestant or two? Or was that just rumor and conjecture?

[spystud13 2371]

 

 

[henrygandorf 29191]

same promo they were showing last night ^^.

tayshia looks good.  as does dean's whole 1981 persona.

curious to see how demi does down there.  she seems to enjoy playing the sassy best friend, but that will get you sent home from bip.

[henrygandorf 29191]

 

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

Well, I guess everyone is right about the show. 

Wells a guy that finished I think 10th on his season just got engaged to the chick from Modern Family.

[Chuckie Finster 22695]

Granted you only see what the editors want you to see, but Wells seemed like one of the coolest dudes on the show in recent memory.  Good for him.

[Vito Andolini 9126]

She’s a cute girl, seems chill and has made an incredible living due to the show, but she’s also had devastating health issues, including two kidney transplants and ongoing complications, so good for Wells to be a supportive spouse. I doubt it will be an easy road moving forward.

[C-Man 27230]

1 hour ago, Chuckie Finster said:

Granted you only see what the editors want you to see, but Wells seemed like one of the coolest dudes on the show in recent memory.  Good for him.

I thought he was a dork in his time on the show. Then I think he spent a summer on BiP and somehow parlayed that into taking over for Hector (or whatever the bartender's name was). Bring back Yuki!!!!!

[Go Pokes 979]

I imagine Yuki will be in Paradise.  Neither of them is a trained bartender and one of them speaks about 15 words of English.  I'm thinking the drinks in Paradise are strong as fuck

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

Robot Luke...I wonder if that guy has any friends at all.  He's trying to be calculated but even when he takes his time he puts his foot in his mouth.  

Jed with the worst suit choice of all time. 

[henrygandorf 29191]

every time he would wait to answer a question, i couldn't figure out if he was being careful, calculated, or just trying to settle himself down to try to sound less like a psycho (it did not work).  there was so much dead air time last night it was awkward.  he had so many chances to somewhat make things right, and fumbled every one.

never seen someone get so beat down over a 90 minute period.  totally deserved.  even after he walked off they kept on.

and can we discuss what looks to be a love triangle in paradise involving demi and another chick?  i couldn't tell who it was though.  lots of dudes crying.  get it fucking together people.

[C-Man 27230]

44 minutes ago, henrygandorf said:

every time he would wait to answer a question, i couldn't figure out if he was being careful, calculated, or just trying to settle himself down to try to sound less like a psycho (it did not work).  there was so much dead air time last night it was awkward.  he had so many chances to somewhat make things right, and fumbled every one.

never seen someone get so beat down over a 90 minute period.  totally deserved.  even after he walked off they kept on.

and can we discuss what looks to be a love triangle in paradise involving demi and another chick?  i couldn't tell who it was though.  lots of dudes crying.  get it fucking together people.

My wife has probably watched nearly every season of Bachelor/Bachelorette and she thinks Luke P is the single-worst contestant they've ever had on either show. I would love to see him in Paradise but my guess is that will not happen. He's hilarious. He thinks he's playing Grand Master-level chess. I half-expected him to end one of those awkward silences with, "Go away, batin'!"

[spystud13 2371]

 

 

[henrygandorf 29191]

@spystud13 where are you with the demi scoop?

for the uninitiated, a girl-on-girl romance would really throw a monkey wrench in the whole structure of rose-giving down in paradise.

[spystud13 2371]

We know who her girlfriend is, she’s the roommate of a former contestant. 

[Vito Andolini 9126]

HG, you don’t like spoilers. The full story is out there if you want it. Reality Steve has it.

[henrygandorf 29191]

yeah, i'll just watch.  so she's someone's roommate?  assuming she's not a fellow contestant?

these shows are a little too silly for me to "spoil" for myself.

[spystud13 2371]

This chick’s roommate, don’t believe the gf was on the show previously. 

https://www.instagram.com/missagro_/

 

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

11 hours ago, spystud13 said:

This chick’s roommate, don’t believe the gf was on the show previously. 

https://www.instagram.com/missagro_/

 

 

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