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Bachelor/Bachelorette/Paradise Catch-All

C-Man

By C-Man
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Beau Vine
Beau Vine

Sorry about your cataracts.

C-Man
C-Man

Keeping Victoria around after that has to rank as one of the dumbest decisions ever made in this “universe” — and that’s saying something. Blondie definitely has to feel especially bad losing to that

henrygandorf
henrygandorf

network exec 1 - what are our two biggest shows? network exec 2 - bachelor and american idol, why? network exec 1 - i have a really shitty idea.  call me later. 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54,346

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17 hours ago, Go Pokes said:

Watching Matt struggle with trying to kiss a girl who is literally begging him to kiss her makes me sad for him.

That dude literally has less game than I had in 7th grade, which was previously thought to be rock-bottom zero.  You'd think that a guy who styles his hair like that would have more self-confidence.  

 

Also, Clay is the biggest, most muscular pussy I've ever seen.  

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C-Man

C-Man 27,247

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24 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

That dude literally has less game than I had in 7th grade, which was previously thought to be rock-bottom zero.  You'd think that a guy who styles his hair like that would have more self-confidence.  

 

Also, Clay is the biggest, most muscular pussy I've ever seen.  

I wonder if Matt enjoyed the toweling off that JPJ game him more than either of his dates. BiP is woke y'all!

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Go Pokes

Go Pokes 979

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1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

That dude literally has less game than I had in 7th grade, which was previously thought to be rock-bottom zero.  You'd think that a guy who styles his hair like that would have more self-confidence.   

And after all that, he's goes on a date with Brie and they're making out?  I'm guessing they edited out the part where he sweated through his clothes and talked about his mother being ashamed since we'd seen it once already.   I'd be curious to see how he got from the start of the date to getting after it with a model.  

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C-Man

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2 hours ago, spystud13 said:

How many rings are usually given at the end of one of these? 

A couple usually. Rumor out there that three couples get engaged. I bet three couples have actually followed thru and gotten married from the last three BiP seasons combined -- Evan/Carly, Goose/???? and Tanner/Jade. Missing anybody?

Angela definitely wore the hell out of that bikini. Jesus!

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Go Pokes

Go Pokes 979

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11 hours ago, spystud13 said:

Damn, Kristina just fucking murdered Blake. 

I really wanted them to cut to a one on one session with her immediately after that where she gives that little crooked smile and says something to confirm that was her master plan all along.  Didn't she say when she showed up that she was there for revenge or something like that?   That would have been a legendary BIP moment.   

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Go Pokes

Go Pokes 979

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17 minutes ago, C-Man said:

A couple usually. Rumor out there that three couples get engaged. I bet three couples have actually followed thru and gotten married from the last three BiP seasons combined -- Evan/Carly, Goose/???? and Tanner/Jade. Missing anybody?

Angela definitely wore the hell out of that bikini. Jesus!

Don't forget that sham wedding between Lacey and Marcus (had to look that name up).  

Raven and (?) are engaged and Grocery Store Joe and Kendall are close.  

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54,346

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7 hours ago, Go Pokes said:

I really wanted them to cut to a one on one session with her immediately after that where she gives that little crooked smile and says something to confirm that was her master plan all along.  Didn't she say when she showed up that she was there for revenge or something like that?   That would have been a legendary BIP moment.   

There was really no reason to keep her on the show otherwise.  She was making zero effort, and she has zero personality, nothing but eye candy.  

What were the nasty ass spots on her legs?  Maybe she was being quarantined?

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C-Man

C-Man 27,247

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25 minutes ago, spystud13 said:

Damn, Luke gets killed & has to watch that little Haley confessional right before. Hope he had some booze tonight 

That was unbelievable when Chris tried to auction off his rose, not even the Asian chick who knew she was going home.

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Lat22

Lat22 4,016

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Brie and Kristina were cold blooded killers.  As much as JPJ got on my nerves, he handled that "dumping" brilliantly.  No lingering hugs, no "can I walk to to the door", etc.  He just up and left and it staggered Tayshia.  Dylan is the perfect example of what men are becoming in this society.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54,346

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10 hours ago, spystud13 said:

Fucking ouch, Bri. 

I felt bad for him when he was trying to stop her from explaining why, and then Chris Harrison stepped up:

"So, Bri turned down the rose."  Chris Harrison never fails to completely beat down the obvious.

"This has never happened before.  Is there anyone else who would like Luke's rose tonight?  Anyone?  No?"  

That was fucking savage, much worse than what Luke Parker did to him in the rugby game.  

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Gravy Train

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4 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I felt bad for him when he was trying to stop her from explaining why, and then Chris Harrison stepped up:

"So, Bri turned down the rose."  Chris Harrison never fails to completely beat down the obvious.

"This has never happened before.  Is there anyone else who would like Luke's rose tonight?  Anyone?  No?"  

That was fucking savage, much worse than what Luke Parker did to him in the rugby game.  

Apparently the production team added that bit with a voice-over from Chris. In filming, he never auctioned off the rose to others in the room, Luke just turned around, hugged everyone and walked off.

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1,188

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5 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I felt bad for him when he was trying to stop her from explaining why, and then Chris Harrison stepped up:

"So, Bri turned down the rose."  Chris Harrison never fails to completely beat down the obvious.

"This has never happened before.  Is there anyone else who would like Luke's rose tonight?  Anyone?  No?"  

That was fucking savage, much worse than what Luke Parker did to him in the rugby game.  

 

44 minutes ago, Gravy Train said:

Apparently the production team added that bit with a voice-over from Chris. In filming, he never auctioned off the rose to others in the room, Luke just turned around, hugged everyone and walked off.

 

Which is why the show is such a joke. Yes, they all know what they signed up for but the Producers are there to make you think they like you and then just lie to your face and do you dirty as shit to make "good TV". It's funny but so fucking staged anymore, it's tough to take anything that is said or done without assuming a producer had a hand in whatever happens on screen. Demi being example #1 from this season. 100% decided before she even stepped foot on the beach on what story they were going to make for her. And why nothing is more annoying than people that believe what they see is anymore real than the WWE. 

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BrazilHorn

BrazilHorn 6,628

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38 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

 

Which is why the show is such a joke. Yes, they all know what they signed up for but the Producers are there to make you think they like you and then just lie to your face and do you dirty as shit to make "good TV". It's funny but so fucking staged anymore, it's tough to take anything that is said or done without assuming a producer had a hand in whatever happens on screen. Demi being example #1 from this season. 100% decided before she even stepped foot on the beach on what story they were going to make for her. And why nothing is more annoying than people that believe what they see is anymore real than the WWE. 

I do agree that BIP needs to go back to its roots. The fact that all of these folks are in constant communication IRL and have pretty much coupled up prior to coming down has made this show incredibly boring and then it requires the producers to manufacture incredibly stupid story-lines or bring back total retreads (the blonde twin eg)

They need to go back to their unapologetic party down roots and sprinkle in some non-Bachelor contestants (make it almost a different show) and let the booze flow. I don't care if these trainwrecks get engaged (don't force it, it it happens at the end of the show organically great)

I want to see emotional young trainwrecks with daddy issues mixed with more seasoned ladies staring their dating mortality in the face and regretting some of their bitchy ways.

I want douchebag bros mixed with dudes that actually have a life and job.

More conflict - More drink - More sex - Hell do a PPV special with nudity. Let's do this ABC.

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Gravy Train

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1 minute ago, BrazilHorn said:

They need to go back to their unapologetic party down roots and sprinkle in some non-Bachelor contestants (make it almost a different show) and let the booze flow. I don't care if these trainwrecks get engaged (don't force it, it it happens at the end of the show organically great)

The identity of 'Bachelor Nation' as some community who has franchise affiliation with the series needs to go away. Worse are the retreads who act like this is some exclusive pool that will only be called upon for future opportunities.  The fact that they've already hooked up and follow each other around on Instagram before filming is a sign things need to be mixed up.

1 minute ago, BrazilHorn said:

I want to see emotional young trainwrecks with daddy issues mixed with more seasoned ladies staring their dating mortality in the face and regretting some of their bitchy ways.

I want douchebag bros mixed with dudes that actually have a life and job.

Fuck yeah, mix in a couple late-30s, post-divorce candidates and women who assert "their ovaries are screaming."  Maybe a couple Subaru-owning, vape-life flat-billers, a Mississippi neckbeard, a DC-based defense contractor and a NYC-based family law attorney.  

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Beau Vine

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1 hour ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

 

Which is why the show is such a joke. Yes, they all know what they signed up for but the Producers are there to make you think they like you and then just lie to your face and do you dirty as shit to make "good TV". It's funny but so fucking staged anymore, it's tough to take anything that is said or done without assuming a producer had a hand in whatever happens on screen. Demi being example #1 from this season. 100% decided before she even stepped foot on the beach on what story they were going to make for her. And why nothing is more annoying than people that believe what they see is anymore real than the WWE. 

I feels so completely jaded now.  What can you believe in in life if not BiP?

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Hozz

Hozz 1,017

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I cant believe how many tears there are.  Its fucking embarrassing, especially from the dudes.

Also when they made Jordan and bigger-douche bag leave for their 'fight'...el oh el.  People felt unsafe?  Come the fuck on.  And yeah Clay, my god.  How was this dude at an NFL camp?

This show needs more alcohol (it can't be my imagination that previous seasons had more scenes with obviously drunk people, can it?) and more fighting, not less.  Like if its the girls' week to hand out roses you can beat another dude's ass to get a free rose.  I badly wanted to see Derek beat the shit out of JPJ.

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henrygandorf

henrygandorf 29,194

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seems like we've got some new blood on the thread over the past week or so, but this has all been discussed/complained about.

basically, there's a time for bip that was "bc".  before corinne.  that changed everything, and the drunken idiocy got toned down.

you can also throw in successful couples from bip (and failure to keep anyone together off the flagship shows) and the whole tone and feel of the show has changed.

also they seem to "change the rules" for the finale every time.  this year it was like some false sense of urgency to determine whether they're in love or not, as if you have to get engaged at the end.  you really just get a night in an air-conditioned suite.  if you're not in love, and go home, you can always, i don't know, dm a person on instagram - most of them live in west hollywood anyway.

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henrygandorf

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On 9/10/2019 at 9:29 PM, spystud13 said:

This Whitney chick is hot as fuck, but the whole cars crossing bullshit made my eyes bleed. 

this was sofa king stupid.

oh, and btw, since when is there just a "hotel" they can roll over to?  way to break the 4th wall, bip.  we're supposed to at least sorta believe the suv takes them straight to the airport.  but no, connor mopes about not finding love (in 3 whole days) and then just heads to his nice hotel suite.  then whitney just follows him there.  ok.  the bip house literally has people sleeping outside.  chicks getting ready indian style with their shitty mirrors on the floor.  most contestants are noticeably sweating, and have mosquito bites you can see from space.

i'm so sad, i can't believe it didn't work out, driver, take me to my suite at the st regis.  christ on a cracker. 

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pied

pied 252

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Finally caught up, but FF through a bunch of it.  

Never understand this part of BIP and it bugs me every time,  which is really my fault.  These couples are getting into each other and hanging around one another basically 24/7, whihc is cool.  Relationships take some time and they set up the most artificial deadline ever.  

Why not just say ~"cool, we get to spend the night somewhere romantic and nice.  Not certain I'm going to propose to you after ~1 month, but this is good so let's hang out."

If they do and aren't ready to get engaged, so what?  Do they turn into pumpkins?  Whatever they decide, they still have to go back home and make it work there, so why not just enjoy it?

 

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Vito Andolini

Vito Andolini 9,127

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First and foremost, they are there to make a TV show, and the ones who understand that the most keep getting invited back, and voila, instant D-level celebrity career is off and running.

Beats working.

They just play the game, cry at the right places, walk somberly back to the limo and then bang their instagram followers (TM Derek Peth).

I’m sure some make real connections, but for many, it’s a helluva fun ride in their 20’s, and they’ll worry about the real world later. 

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1,188

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1 hour ago, Vito Andolini said:

First and foremost, they are there to make a TV show, and the ones who understand that the most keep getting invited back, and voila, instant D-level celebrity career is off and running.

Beats working.

They just play the game, cry at the right places, walk somberly back to the limo and then bang their instagram followers (TM Derek Peth).

I’m sure some make real connections, but for many, it’s a helluva fun ride in their 20’s, and they’ll worry about the real world later. 

 

or never.

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henrygandorf

henrygandorf 29,194

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5 hours ago, Vito Andolini said:

First and foremost, they are there to make a TV show, and the ones who understand that the most keep getting invited back, and voila, instant D-level celebrity career is off and running.

Beats working.

They just play the game, cry at the right places, walk somberly back to the limo and then bang their instagram followers (TM Derek Peth).

I’m sure some make real connections, but for many, it’s a helluva fun ride in their 20’s, and they’ll worry about the real world later. 

i really wish we had gotten that actual exchange live.

jpj - so what, you bang all your instagram followers?

derek - i didn't say that.  i said you could bang them.

jpj - but do you?

derek - yeah, of course.

i know they "broke up" or whatever, but i'm curious to hear what tayshia thinks of jpj after watching the wedding episode with the rest of us.

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Vito Andolini

Vito Andolini 9,127

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Good riddance to bad rubbish... and Harrison had the nerve to call it their best season ever.

(Jordan was on HG’s wavelength, calling out the prior relationships as damaging to the concept. Then the dumb aggy did the same, and was chopped down by Onyeka.)

Chris B, Katie is crazier than a shithouse rat, get out now.

Spoilers had Peter as the new Bachelor for a few weeks. Snoozer.

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