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Week Zero - Big Ol'Ugly Is Better Than Big'Ol Nothin'

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closetojumping

closetojumping 62219

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How the fuck is it that we're 6 days from legitimate college football and not one of you miscreants has posted a thread on the matter? Christ. 

For those who are oblivious, and from reading other sites, admittedly dumber than this one, this needs to be said, Week Zero is the first week of CFB and usually features nothing but a bunch of sad also-ran teams rubbing bellies against one another. Well, sad news, this year is no different. There are 11 games on Saturday. 7 of them involve match-ups between FBS teams. 

Anyway, fuck it, here are my thoughts:

Austin Peay @ Western Kentucky: I legitimately cannot feign knowing a gosh damned thing about either one of these teams outside of the fact that the younger Helton brother is the HC at WKU and he replaced his shit-hot OC that is now at Tech with a descendant of Fatty Arbuckle. So, yeah, give me WKU over AP, 41-7.

Nebraska v. Northwestern in Dublin, IRE: Game of the week, right here. First of all, the game is in Ireland. I've seen people scratch their heads to this or show outright disdain for it. I think it is awesome. I've been to Ireland 5 times and I have never not had a great fucking time there. The concept of alcoholism has yet to make it to their shoreline, and the stereotypes exist for a reason, which the fucking Irish don't seem to give a damn about anyway. They love America and Americans, in my experience, and they think American Football is akin to one of the sports endemic to their country, I forget the name of it, so it's not a bad mash-up. I'd love it if Texas opened against Notre Dame there one year.

As to the game, Scott Frost showed up to Week Zero last year, pulled his pants down at the 50 yard line, and mooned a national audience by not even being competitive with Illinois and the Fat Fucking Retard (ht to one of the old school Shaggy posters for one of my favorite threat titles ever, whichever one of you it was). Remember when Nebraska was getting top 10 odds for winning the CFP heading into the season a few years ago because ... Scott Frost. Yeah. I'll tell you what, the seat couldn't get any hotter for this guy if Lawrence Phillips were warming it with his own lava from the depths of hell. Northwestern is a Jeckyl and Hyde program, and last year was whatever the bad version of those 2 personality sides is. I expect Fitzgerald to have his team ready and to play Nebraska tight. I will be openly rooting against Casey Thompson and Marcus Washington in this one. Give me NW over UNL, 23-21.

Idaho State @ UNLV: This shit is worse than WKU/Austin Peay. Without googling it, can anyone here name the Head Coach of UNLV? I'll give you a hint, he's 2-16 and has no Texas ties in his coaching history whatsoever. The HC at Idaho State was a rodeo clown before taking the part time role of HC'ing the Idaho State ... (checks notes) ... Bengals. UNLV over IDU, 28-2.

Connecticut @ Utah State: Sadly, this qualifies are one of the weekend's FBS vs FBS battles. Connecticut lost to Holy Cross and UMass last year while going on to a 1-11 record. I'll be honest, I didn't realize that Geno Auriemma had crossed over as a late career experiment and was coaching their FB team this season. They might actually win this one. Not really. Utah State is a good program and they have a good coach, Blake Anderson. The story about him and his kids losing their wife/mom to cancer while he was at Arky State stays with me. Anyway, this game is worth watching if you've got the time, as Utah State goes to Bama the following week, and then Bama comes to Austin. Utah State had a strong season last year, so maybe they force Bama to show us something. Give me Utah State over UConn, 48-13.

Wyoming @ Illinois: Wyoming was a weird team last year. They had some dominating wins against good to decent teams, and then they shit themselves against teams like New Mexico and Hawaii. Wyoming returns 10 starters total, and no one important on offense. They're staring down the barrel of an ugly season. That ugly season kicks off against the Fat Fucking Retard himself, Bret Bielema. Illinois also only returns 10 starters, but they had an influx of transfers, including Tommy Devito (Syracuse) at QB. FFR will have a good OL in place. I expect Illinois to win this battle of mehs, 27-17.

Duquesne @ Florida State: Duquesne is no Jacksonville State. I don't know shit about them, but they play in a conference that includes Central Connecticut and Quinnipiac. They cannot be capable of winning against an FBS team, right? Anyway, every Seven Loss Steve apologist's favorite punching bag as a fail safe comparison, Mike Norvell and FSU, will continue to be improved as a program this year. And yes, they improved as the season went on last year, closing the season out 5-3 with their losses coming in close games with Clemson, NCSU, and rival UF. They should have beaten UF and choked it. But Norvell is a good coach and Jimbo Fisher and Willie Taggart did the guy no favors. FSU returns 7 offensive starters, including a solid Jordan Travis at QB, and landed transfer Mycah Pittman at WR. The defense landed Jared Verse and returns 6 other starters. I expect FSU to go 8-5/9-4 this season, comfortably. It won't shock me if they beat LSU in Week One in NOLA. FSU rolls here, 56-7.

North Texas @ UTEP: Seth Littrell is a shit head okie and an easy guy to root against. I wish him and the Mean Green much failure while he's there. Disturbingly, he seems like a decent coach and he's taken them bowling 5 out of 6 seasons, losing all 5, and doing so TWICE! when they had losing records going into the bowl game. UNT returns a solid QB and plenty of other starters. Dana Dimel is neither dead nor is he Canadian, which surprised me. And he apparently took UTEP bowling last year. I wonder if this guy is still fucking coeds on pool tables in the on-campus bar? Not a bad gig if you can get it, I guess. This should be one of the better games of the week with UTEP also returning plenty and playing at home. Gimme UTEP 21, UNT 17. 

Nevada @ NMSU: Mike Norvell turned Nevada into a respectable program and then split for an upgrade to ... Colorado State? Okay. The good news is that the Wolfpack is now coached by one of the easiest shitbags in CFB to despise, Kevin Wilson. Fittingly, Nevada returns only 7 players, one of whom is the kicker. Kevin Wilson immediately declared them a "championship calibre" team following the spring, pulling a page directly out of mentor Bob Stoops' playbook for media management. New Mexico State hired a guy to be HC who is guaranteed to become incapacitated for no less than 3 games this season in Jerry Kill. I don't know what in the fuck that program is doing existing and I've seen them picked to finish last out of 131 teams in FBS this season by multiple prognosticators. I'm actually surprised ATM failed to get them on the schedule. Nevada goes nuts on the road by beating up a special needs person, 45-0.

Vanderbilt @ Hawaii: Nice end to the first day of CFB here. Vanderbilt has regressed to their historical mean under the square-jawed Clark Lea. Vanderbilt opened last year with a blowout loss to fierce rival East or West Tennessee State. Their two wins came against Colorado State and a hapless UConn. SEC SEC SEC. Todd Graham did what he does at Hawaii and made them semi-respectable again while also being a hateable piece of shit who ended up pulling the bookshelf on top of himself to end his tenure there. They had a state senate hearing to discuss this guy at one point, meanwhile his son transferred away from his program while he ran it - Jesus. Tommy Chang has taken over and he's going to need time. Hawaii lost a bunch to transfers and will not be good this year. I still assume Hawaii has enough with the travel and general shittiness of Vandy though, so Hawaii 24, Vandy 10. 

Okay, that was a lot. I got bored waiting on some stuff, and dug in. TL;DR? GFY. Beyond that, all thoughts are welcome. 

 

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closetojumping

closetojumping 62219

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2 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

SFA vs Jacksonville State at 2:30 on ESPN, too. I expect pretty big things from the Jacks this year. Axe 'em!

In this context, are "the Jacks" the Lumberjacks, or Jacks State? I assume the Axe'em means SFA. If so, sure, all for them and might catch some of it. I've known plenty of good coworkers and hot females that are SFA alums. 

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LTtxfan

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Saturday, August 27, 2022
 
MATCHUP
TIME
TV
   
2046.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=4Austin Peay
11:00 AM
CBSSN
   
  @  77.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40&Northwestern
11:30 AM
FOX
   
304.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40Idaho State
  @  2439.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=4UNLV
2:30 PM
CBSSN
   
  @  328.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40Utah State
3:00 PM
FS1
   
  @  356.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40Illinois
3:00 PM
BTN
   
2184.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=4Duquesne
  @  52.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40&Florida State
4:00 PM
 
ACCN
   
6:00 PM
CBSSN
   
50.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40&Florida A&M
7:15 PM
 
ACCN
   
  @  2638.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=4UTEP
8:00 PM      
9:00 PM
 
ESPN2
   
  @  62.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40&Hawai'i
9:30 PM
CBSSN
   
 
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The Ace of Aces

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4 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

In this context, are "the Jacks" the Lumberjacks, or Jacks State? I assume the Axe'em means SFA. If so, sure, all for them and might catch some of it. I've known plenty of good coworkers and hot females that are SFA alums. 

SFA. They should be a damn good team, massive improvements under Carthel. Xavier Gibson is an amazing/talented WR. Tre Self has a canon. The defense I hope is fast and hits hard. 

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ermahgerdhorn

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So what's the upside to the Ireland game?  The NFL I sort of get - there's exposure to the NFL overseas and they are trying to get that guy in London or Mexico City or whatever to want to buy a cowboys jacket and tune in every Sunday when the Cowboys are back in the US of A.

College football isn't as accessible overseas outside of streaming platforms.  Is the thought here that people in Dublin are suddenly going to become rapid Nebraska fans?

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perfectchaos007

perfectchaos007 6596

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6 minutes ago, GreenspointTexas said:

UNT/UTEP will be the best game this weekend

It’s a shame that game will be broadcast on Stadium TV. It deserved ESPN2 over Nevada @ New Mexico State. UTEP has also sold a near sell-out number of tickets to that game, so it would have been fun to show on national television. Oh well

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closetojumping

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4 minutes ago, Helobious said:

*Timmy Chang

I don't know, I think I like Tommy Chang better. I plan on using my version of his name whenever I can this season.

2 minutes ago, ermahgerdhorn said:

So what's the upside to the Ireland game?  The NFL I sort of get - there's exposure to the NFL overseas and they are trying to get that guy in London or Mexico City or whatever to want to buy a cowboys jacket and tune in every Sunday when the Cowboys are back in the US of A.

College football isn't as accessible overseas outside of streaming platforms.  Is the thought here that people in Dublin are suddenly going to become rapid Nebraska fans?

I don't know, but I assume it's an attempt to expand the reach of CFB into places where it could develop roots in the future. Europe is the obvious choice for that. I know teams have played in both Ireland and London before, and Ireland, at least, has asked the US to return. I think Ireland might become a regular thing. From the east coast, it's a 6 hour flight, same as heading to the west coast, so I don't know if it's that big of a deal for east coast teams. Obviously NW and UNL aren't east coast teams so point doesn't hold with them, but that's all I got.

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perfectchaos007

perfectchaos007 6596

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1 minute ago, closetojumping said:

I don't know, I think I like Tommy Chang better. I plan on using my version of his name whenever I can this season.

I don't know, but I assume it's an attempt to expand the reach of CFB into places where it could develop roots in the future. Europe is the obvious choice for that. I know teams have played in both Ireland and London before, and Ireland, at least, has asked the US to return. I think Ireland might become a regular thing. From the east coast, it's a 6 hour flight, same as heading to the west coast, so I don't know if it's that big of a deal for east coast teams. Obviously NW and UNL aren't east coast teams so point doesn't hold with them, but that's all I got.

Don’t forget the Stanford v Rice game that was played in Australia. That flight was a little bit longer 

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ClubWhatever

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10 minutes ago, ermahgerdhorn said:

So what's the upside to the Ireland game?  The NFL I sort of get - there's exposure to the NFL overseas and they are trying to get that guy in London or Mexico City or whatever to want to buy a cowboys jacket and tune in every Sunday when the Cowboys are back in the US of A.

College football isn't as accessible overseas outside of streaming platforms.  Is the thought here that people in Dublin are suddenly going to become rapid Nebraska fans?

Nebraska is trying to set up a Dublin to Lincoln pipeline.

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YGIFS

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52 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

SFA vs Jacksonville State at 2:30 on ESPN, too. I expect pretty big things from the Jacks this year. Axe 'em!

I'm consistently impressed with the athletics success at SFA considering how small their budget is.  And the handful of alums I've met from there are good people.  So that makes is sadder for me to hear they are going hard to the paint to join the A&M System next year.  Probably the right move for them for a number of reasons, but they had a cool thing going being the only truly independent university in Texas.  

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The Ace of Aces

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54 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

I'm consistently impressed with the athletics success at SFA considering how small their budget is.  And the handful of alums I've met from there are good people.  So that makes is sadder for me to hear they are going hard to the paint to join the A&M System next year.  Probably the right move for them for a number of reasons, but they had a cool thing going being the only truly independent university in Texas.  

I’m an alum. I think (and hope) they go with Tech - they unfortunately have little choice. 

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USNALonghorn

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5 hours ago, closetojumping said:

How the fuck is it that we're 6 days from legitimate college football and not one of you miscreants has posted a thread on the matter? Christ. 

 

Because we’re clearly preoccupied with more important matters like: “EDGE” vs “edge” vs “E”

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pacman

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4 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:

I’m an alum. I think (and hope) they go with Tech - they unfortunately have little choice. 

Why do you say they have little choice? I thought they have offers from all of the State of Texas systems, including UT System.

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The Ace of Aces

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3 minutes ago, pacman said:

Why do you say they have little choice? I thought they have offers from all of the State of Texas systems, including UT System.

Oh I meant joining a system - not Tech specifically.  
 

UT won’t happen (Tyler), the Texas state system won’t (they know how it doesn’t help much), A&M to me would be too close to CS really. Tech could use a ET presence - they have zero. 

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ztejas

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1 minute ago, SimonBolivar said:

I'd trade 100 Christmas days for 1 first day of college football. Not even close 

Oh - trust me - I get it. The older I get the lamer holidays get. But how is week 0 better than week 1? Give me the actual start of the season.

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YGIFS

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11 minutes ago, pacman said:

Why do you say they have little choice? I thought they have offers from all of the State of Texas systems, including UT System.

They have a good deal of choice.  Ultimately it's up to their Board of Regents.  And of course it's up to one of the other systems to make them a good offer.  I would be very surprised if it doesn't come down to A&M system and Tech system, but I wouldn't count out Texas State just yet.  UNT and UT just mentioned thinking about them to be nice.  But it's just maths at this point, despite there being many more schools in the A&M system versus Tech, the A&M endowment small share to SFA would be significantly more than anything Tech could do for them financially.  Geography, overlap or university missions, and athletics will also play large roles.  

But for payday purposes, A&M's the obvious choice.  If the Tech allotment to SFA would like look anything like what they give to Angelo State...it's not close.  If you're not named TTU or one of the medical centers, the Tech endowment is not much.  A&M-CC or Tarlton State would be comparable at A&M System to share money.  And it'd be more.  A&M System's funding for their little, goofy offshoot schools like Texarkana, Killeen, Round rock, san antonio is kinda of a hinderance though to the other former standalone schools in their system, so maybe that's the wild card.  

Anyway, here's to college football and SFA not become more Aggie-like if they go that route..

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SimonBolivar

SimonBolivar 10911

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Just now, ztejas said:

Oh - trust me - I get it. The older I get the lamer holidays get. But how is week 0 better than week 1? Give me the actual start of the season.

#1 CFB is easily my favorite sport with CBB being a distant 2nd so I don't have any real interest in sports from early April to the last weekend of August. I'll watch some soccer, but that's about it.

 

Fucking a 7 after two weeks without fapping is much more rewarding than a 9 five hours after fapping. Also, I really don't give a shit about blueblood status or whatever so a sold out UNT @ UTEP sounds absolutely fantastic right now.

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Blotto

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6 hours ago, closetojumping said:

North Texas @ UTEP: Seth Littrell is a shit head okie and an easy guy to root against. I wish him and the Mean Green much failure while he's there. Disturbingly, he seems like a decent coach and he's taken them bowling 5 out of 6 seasons, losing all 5, and doing so TWICE! when they had losing records going into the bowl game. UNT returns a solid QB and plenty of other starters. Dana Dimel is neither dead nor is he Canadian, which surprised me. And he apparently took UTEP bowling last year. I wonder if this guy is still fucking coeds on pool tables in the on-campus bar? Not a bad gig if you can get it, I guess. This should be one of the better games of the week with UTEP also returning plenty and playing at home. Gimme UTEP 21, UNT 17. 

I am incapable of associating UTEP football with anything else. Is this broad still prowling the hillside tossing off UTEP fans? Does she put in the offseason work to finish a guy to completion? 

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perfectchaos007

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33 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Oh - trust me - I get it. The older I get the lamer holidays get. But how is week 0 better than week 1? Give me the actual start of the season.

This. Week 0 is Christmas eve, and you get to pull just one item out of the stocking. Week 1 is actual Christmas where you get to open all your presents.

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Bullneck

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7 hours ago, Helobious said:

*Timmy Chang

Tommy Chong

27 minutes ago, RabidM said:

We should play at Hawaii in week zero sometimes.  Easy win and the players get to go to Hawaii. It's like a preseason bowl game.   

 

e First Meeting Last Meeting Games Win % Wins Losses Ties Average Score
Any 1995 1995 1 1.000 1 0   38.00 17.00
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SimonBolivar

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26 minutes ago, RabidM said:

We should play at Hawaii in week zero sometimes.  Easy win and the players get to go to Hawaii. It's like a preseason bowl game.   

That's what Arizona thought...of course Arizona is currently an underdog to an FCS team this year so maybe that isn't the best analogy.

20 minutes ago, perfectchaos007 said:

This. Week 0 is Christmas eve, and you get to pull just one item out of the stocking. Week 1 is actual Christmas where you get to open all your presents.

Well, you aren't wrong.

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Bullneck

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7 hours ago, perfectchaos007 said:

Don’t forget the Stanford v Rice game that was played in Australia. That flight was a little bit longer 

Individual Game Results of Stanford (vs Rice), 1869-2021

Date   Opponent (record) Result Score Site
8/26/2017 vs. Rice (1-11) W 62 7 @ Sydney, Australia
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18 hours ago, closetojumping said:

 

Nebraska v. Northwestern in Dublin, IRE: They love America and Americans, in my experience, and they think American Football is akin to one of the sports endemic to their country, I forget the name of it, so it's not a bad mash-up. I'd love it if Texas opened against Notre Dame there one year.

 

I think the sport you are thinking about is Gaelic football which is a cross between American football, soccer and Rugby.  I happened to be in Dublin in 2006 as last leg of bar trip and there was a huge Semifinal being played that weekend. Partied with locals pregame and scalped tix and it was a phenomenal experience and really cool sport.  What I didn't appreciate until talking to despondent Dublin fans about it the next day was it was also an all time game (#5 top game of this century according to this list at least: The 10 best football games of the millennium - Irish Mirror Online ).  Agreed Texas opening there against Notre Dame would be an absolute must attend event.

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golfclap

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20 hours ago, closetojumping said:

Austin Peay @ Western Kentucky: I legitimately cannot feign knowing a gosh damned thing about either one of these teams outside of the fact that the younger Helton brother is the HC at WKU and he replaced his shit-hot OC that is now at Tech with a descendant of Fatty Arbuckle. So, yeah, give me WKU over AP, 41-7.

Not that it will matter in this game because WKU will be way too much for them but Austin Peay's HC is wunderkind Scotty Walden and Walden is a name people should get familiar with if you like to track up-and-comers. When he got the Peay job Walden grabbed Josh Cochran from Mack's UNC support staff and after a weird covid season where Peay played half their schedule in the spring - he was elevated to OC last season. Cochran has since joined McGuire's Tech staff as well under shit-hot Kittley and is proving to be a damn good recruiter and is also a name to keep track of. 

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