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Week Zero - Big Ol'Ugly Is Better Than Big'Ol Nothin'

closetojumping

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SydneyCarton

SydneyCarton 48071

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Posted
On 8/22/2022 at 2:49 PM, closetojumping said:

How the fuck is it that we're 6 days from legitimate college football and not one of you miscreants has posted a thread on the matter? Christ. 

For those who are oblivious, and from reading other sites, admittedly dumber than this one, this needs to be said, Week Zero is the first week of CFB and usually features nothing but a bunch of sad also-ran teams rubbing bellies against one another. Well, sad news, this year is no different. There are 11 games on Saturday. 7 of them involve match-ups between FBS teams. 

Anyway, fuck it, here are my thoughts:

Austin Peay @ Western Kentucky: I legitimately cannot feign knowing a gosh damned thing about either one of these teams outside of the fact that the younger Helton brother is the HC at WKU and he replaced his shit-hot OC that is now at Tech with a descendant of Fatty Arbuckle. So, yeah, give me WKU over AP, 41-7.

Nebraska v. Northwestern in Dublin, IRE: Game of the week, right here. First of all, the game is in Ireland. I've seen people scratch their heads to this or show outright disdain for it. I think it is awesome. I've been to Ireland 5 times and I have never not had a great fucking time there. The concept of alcoholism has yet to make it to their shoreline, and the stereotypes exist for a reason, which the fucking Irish don't seem to give a damn about anyway. They love America and Americans, in my experience, and they think American Football is akin to one of the sports endemic to their country, I forget the name of it, so it's not a bad mash-up. I'd love it if Texas opened against Notre Dame there one year.

As to the game, Scott Frost showed up to Week Zero last year, pulled his pants down at the 50 yard line, and mooned a national audience by not even being competitive with Illinois and the Fat Fucking Retard (ht to one of the old school Shaggy posters for one of my favorite threat titles ever, whichever one of you it was). Remember when Nebraska was getting top 10 odds for winning the CFP heading into the season a few years ago because ... Scott Frost. Yeah. I'll tell you what, the seat couldn't get any hotter for this guy if Lawrence Phillips were warming it with his own lava from the depths of hell. Northwestern is a Jeckyl and Hyde program, and last year was whatever the bad version of those 2 personality sides is. I expect Fitzgerald to have his team ready and to play Nebraska tight. I will be openly rooting against Casey Thompson and Marcus Washington in this one. Give me NW over UNL, 23-21.

Idaho State @ UNLV: This shit is worse than WKU/Austin Peay. Without googling it, can anyone here name the Head Coach of UNLV? I'll give you a hint, he's 2-16 and has no Texas ties in his coaching history whatsoever. The HC at Idaho State was a rodeo clown before taking the part time role of HC'ing the Idaho State ... (checks notes) ... Bengals. UNLV over IDU, 28-2.

Connecticut @ Utah State: Sadly, this qualifies are one of the weekend's FBS vs FBS battles. Connecticut lost to Holy Cross and UMass last year while going on to a 1-11 record. I'll be honest, I didn't realize that Geno Auriemma had crossed over as a late career experiment and was coaching their FB team this season. They might actually win this one. Not really. Utah State is a good program and they have a good coach, Blake Anderson. The story about him and his kids losing their wife/mom to cancer while he was at Arky State stays with me. Anyway, this game is worth watching if you've got the time, as Utah State goes to Bama the following week, and then Bama comes to Austin. Utah State had a strong season last year, so maybe they force Bama to show us something. Give me Utah State over UConn, 48-13.

Wyoming @ Illinois: Wyoming was a weird team last year. They had some dominating wins against good to decent teams, and then they shit themselves against teams like New Mexico and Hawaii. Wyoming returns 10 starters total, and no one important on offense. They're staring down the barrel of an ugly season. That ugly season kicks off against the Fat Fucking Retard himself, Bret Bielema. Illinois also only returns 10 starters, but they had an influx of transfers, including Tommy Devito (Syracuse) at QB. FFR will have a good OL in place. I expect Illinois to win this battle of mehs, 27-17.

Duquesne @ Florida State: Duquesne is no Jacksonville State. I don't know shit about them, but they play in a conference that includes Central Connecticut and Quinnipiac. They cannot be capable of winning against an FBS team, right? Anyway, every Seven Loss Steve apologist's favorite punching bag as a fail safe comparison, Mike Norvell and FSU, will continue to be improved as a program this year. And yes, they improved as the season went on last year, closing the season out 5-3 with their losses coming in close games with Clemson, NCSU, and rival UF. They should have beaten UF and choked it. But Norvell is a good coach and Jimbo Fisher and Willie Taggart did the guy no favors. FSU returns 7 offensive starters, including a solid Jordan Travis at QB, and landed transfer Mycah Pittman at WR. The defense landed Jared Verse and returns 6 other starters. I expect FSU to go 8-5/9-4 this season, comfortably. It won't shock me if they beat LSU in Week One in NOLA. FSU rolls here, 56-7.

North Texas @ UTEP: Seth Littrell is a shit head okie and an easy guy to root against. I wish him and the Mean Green much failure while he's there. Disturbingly, he seems like a decent coach and he's taken them bowling 5 out of 6 seasons, losing all 5, and doing so TWICE! when they had losing records going into the bowl game. UNT returns a solid QB and plenty of other starters. Dana Dimel is neither dead nor is he Canadian, which surprised me. And he apparently took UTEP bowling last year. I wonder if this guy is still fucking coeds on pool tables in the on-campus bar? Not a bad gig if you can get it, I guess. This should be one of the better games of the week with UTEP also returning plenty and playing at home. Gimme UTEP 21, UNT 17. 

Nevada @ NMSU: Mike Norvell turned Nevada into a respectable program and then split for an upgrade to ... Colorado State? Okay. The good news is that the Wolfpack is now coached by one of the easiest shitbags in CFB to despise, Kevin Wilson. Fittingly, Nevada returns only 7 players, one of whom is the kicker. Kevin Wilson immediately declared them a "championship calibre" team following the spring, pulling a page directly out of mentor Bob Stoops' playbook for media management. New Mexico State hired a guy to be HC who is guaranteed to become incapacitated for no less than 3 games this season in Jerry Kill. I don't know what in the fuck that program is doing existing and I've seen them picked to finish last out of 131 teams in FBS this season by multiple prognosticators. I'm actually surprised ATM failed to get them on the schedule. Nevada goes nuts on the road by beating up a special needs person, 45-0.

Vanderbilt @ Hawaii: Nice end to the first day of CFB here. Vanderbilt has regressed to their historical mean under the square-jawed Clark Lea. Vanderbilt opened last year with a blowout loss to fierce rival East or West Tennessee State. Their two wins came against Colorado State and a hapless UConn. SEC SEC SEC. Todd Graham did what he does at Hawaii and made them semi-respectable again while also being a hateable piece of shit who ended up pulling the bookshelf on top of himself to end his tenure there. They had a state senate hearing to discuss this guy at one point, meanwhile his son transferred away from his program while he ran it - Jesus. Tommy Chang has taken over and he's going to need time. Hawaii lost a bunch to transfers and will not be good this year. I still assume Hawaii has enough with the travel and general shittiness of Vandy though, so Hawaii 24, Vandy 10. 

Okay, that was a lot. I got bored waiting on some stuff, and dug in. TL;DR? GFY. Beyond that, all thoughts are welcome. 

 

 

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Wally Fairway

Wally Fairway 5543

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On 8/22/2022 at 3:49 PM, closetojumping said:

Nebraska v. Northwestern in Dublin, IRE: Game of the week, right here. First of all, the game is in Ireland. I've seen people scratch their heads to this or show outright disdain for it. I think it is awesome. I've been to Ireland 5 times and I have never not had a great fucking time there. The concept of alcoholism has yet to make it to their shoreline, and the stereotypes exist for a reason, which the fucking Irish don't seem to give a damn about anyway. They love America and Americans, in my experience, and they think American Football is akin to one of the sports endemic to their country, I forget the name of it, so it's not a bad mash-up. I'd love it if Texas opened against Notre Dame there one year.

As to the game, Scott Frost showed up to Week Zero last year, pulled his pants down at the 50 yard line, and mooned a national audience by not even being competitive with Illinois and the Fat Fucking Retard (ht to one of the old school Shaggy posters for one of my favorite threat titles ever, whichever one of you it was). Remember when Nebraska was getting top 10 odds for winning the CFP heading into the season a few years ago because ... Scott Frost. Yeah. I'll tell you what, the seat couldn't get any hotter for this guy if Lawrence Phillips were warming it with his own lava from the depths of hell. Northwestern is a Jeckyl and Hyde program, and last year was whatever the bad version of those 2 personality sides is. I expect Fitzgerald to have his team ready and to play Nebraska tight. I will be openly rooting against Casey Thompson and Marcus Washington in this one. Give me NW over UNL, 23-21. 

I am a huge coach Fitz fan, that he can even get the Wildcats occasionally competitive is remarkable. The Cornshuckers have better talent, but I would take NU and the 13+, and put some on the moneyline at +375/400.
Go Cats

 

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Enchubben

Enchubben 5510

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11 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

This is how you properly do degeneracy people- pay attention. 

look here folks - if you didn't want to join me in winning free money on the under for July 4th hot dog eating contest, or win on the soon to be free money England vs South Africa cricket test match, I get it.  But not wanting to go all in on week zero bets in CFB?  Ya'll might as well buy into more electronic trading cards or that fixed price canadian pizza membership.

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Wulaw Horn

Wulaw Horn 19068

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21 minutes ago, Enchubben said:

look here folks - if you didn't want to join me in winning free money on the under for July 4th hot dog eating contest, or win on the soon to be free money England vs South Africa cricket test match, I get it.  But not wanting to go all in on week zero bets in CFB?  Ya'll might as well buy into more electronic trading cards or that fixed price canadian pizza membership.

I have never wished for a bookie at any moment in life more than when I saw that insanely high over under on the hot dog eating contest.  He was clearly out of form and only going to do enough to win not to try to hit his number.  Free money.  So sad I couldn't get the bet down anywhere. 

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TexasGary

TexasGary 833

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PSA for anyone interested in the North Texas vs UTEP.  Stadium can be had if you have an over the air antenna.  In DFW Stadium is on 47-1 and broadcast in 1080i.  The picture quality is just as good as the major networks.  It looks like its on 19.1 in Austin.

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28776

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Posted
On 8/22/2022 at 3:49 PM, closetojumping said:

The good news is that the Wolfpack is now coached by one of the easiest shitbags in CFB to despise, Kevin Wilson.

Wolf Pack. Nevada’s nickname is Wolf Pack. NC State’s is Wolfpack.

Nevada’s coach is Ken Wilson. Kevin Wilson is an OC at tOSU. I don’t know anything about Ken Wilson. Why should we hate him?

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28776

Posted
Posted
On 8/22/2022 at 4:15 PM, ermahgerdhorn said:

So what's the upside to the Ireland game?

It’s two P5 schools playing at noon on Saturday in a nationally televised game. A matchup that would get overlooked if it was played a week later. Don’t overthink it. It’s good exposure for the schools and regardless of how they embrace the game or the sport, it will bring revenue into the local economy. It’s a win for everyone.

Plus we get to see Urban Meyer’s return to the Fox pregame show. He’s way better than Stoops was. 

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28776

Posted
Posted
On 8/24/2022 at 3:36 PM, Wally Fairway said:

I am a huge coach Fitz fan, that he can even get the Wildcats occasionally competitive is remarkable. The Cornshuckers have better talent, but I would take NU and the 13+, and put some on the moneyline at +375/400.
Go Cats

I hope you already placed your bets. I just checked and the lines have fallen to Nebraska -11.5 and Northwestern to win at +350.

I wouldn’t bet on it but if I had to then I’d take the Cats and the points. (I initially misspelled that as “pints.” Fitting.) Nebraska needs this win more then Northwestern does. The Huskers have a brand new coaching staff and we really don’t know what to expect from them other than that Adrian Martinez isn’t there anymore to pull defeat out of the jaws of victory with a late turnover. I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say this is a must win game for Frost. Lose this one and he should probably contact a realtor and start packing his bags.

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closetohumping

closetohumping 17438

Posted
Posted

Cross piston.  Brady’s picks.  He seemed to have done some research but play at your own risk

 

Brady Quinn:

Nevada  -9 vs New Mexico State
New Mexico State vs Nevada Over 50.5
Hawaii + 7 vs Vanderbilt
Hawaii vs Vanderbilt Under 55
North Texas  0 vs UTEP
UTEP vs North Texas Over 50.5
Florida Atlantic  -7 vs Charlotte
Florida Atlantic vs Charlotte Under 57.5
Wyoming + 10 vs Illinois
Illinois vs Wyoming Over 44
Utah State  -27 vs Connecticut
Utah State vs Connecticut Over 60.5
Northwestern + 13 vs Nebraska
Nebraska vs Northwestern Under 50.5

 

 

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closetojumping

closetojumping 62592

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Posted
10 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Wolf Pack. Nevada’s nickname is Wolf Pack. NC State’s is Wolfpack.

Nevada’s coach is Ken Wilson. Kevin Wilson is an OC at tOSU. I don’t know anything about Ken Wilson. Why should we hate him?

Well, I was having a lot more fun in my head when I thought it was Kevin Wilson. Ken Wilson is about the most boring guy in CFB from the looks of his resume.

As to wolfpack versus wolf pack, that kind of differentiation is more the owner's problem rather than the writer's. It's a distinction without a difference.

10 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

It’s two P5 schools playing at noon on Saturday in a nationally televised game. A matchup that would get overlooked if it was played a week later. Don’t overthink it. It’s good exposure for the schools and regardless of how they embrace the game or the sport, it will bring revenue into the local economy. It’s a win for everyone.

Plus we get to see Urban Meyer’s return to the Fox pregame show. He’s way better than Stoops was. 

These games are apparently a big deal in Ireland. I've seen stories talking about how excited the locals are for this game.

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texifornia

texifornia 56897

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Posted
25 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Well, I was having a lot more fun in my head when I thought it was Kevin Wilson. Ken Wilson is about the most boring guy in CFB from the looks of his resume.

As to wolfpack versus wolf pack, that kind of differentiation is more the owner's problem rather than the writer's. It's a distinction without a difference.

These games are apparently a big deal in Ireland. I've seen stories talking about how excited the locals are for this game.

This dude looks like he could happily spend a full day comparison shopping riding lawnmowers.

ken-wilson-mackay-stadium.jpg

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The Original Greaser Bob

The Original Greaser Bob 2825

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14 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

My wife is half Irish, half British. We have a 10 year old daughter with ridiculously beautiful burnt orange hair. This photo could be an age progression of her 10 years from now. Christ.

Congrats buy sorry she is going to give you grey hair.

Red hair is the best.  I'm a dark as hell mestizo and I married a redhead and we've got an opie looking burnt orange hair grandkid who doesn't look to have an ounce of melanin. 

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LTtxfan

LTtxfan 49153

Posted
Posted (edited)
Saturday, August 27, 2022
 
MATCHUP
TIME
TV
   
2046.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=4Austin Peay
11:00 AM
CBSSN
   
  @  77.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40&Northwestern
11:30 AM
FOX
   
304.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40Idaho State
  @  2439.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=4UNLV
2:30 PM
CBSSN
   
  @  328.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40Utah State
3:00 PM
FS1
   
  @  356.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40Illinois
3:00 PM
BTN
   
2184.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=4Duquesne
  @  52.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40&Florida State
4:00 PM
 
ACCN
   
6:00 PM
CBSSN
   
50.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40&Florida A&M
7:15 PM
 
ACCN
   
  @  2638.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=4UTEP
8:00 PM      
9:00 PM
 
ESPN2
   
  @  62.png&w=40&h=40&scale=crop&cquality=40&Hawai'i
9:30 PM
CBSSN

 

North Texas at UTEP

Kickoff: Saturday, Aug. 27 at 9 p.m. ET

TV: Stadium  

Spread: North Texas -1 

Stadium available online, and Roku Ch 227

Edited by LTtxfan
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Nicole44

Nicole44 22059

Posted
Posted

Looking forward to 
Nebraska v NorthWestern in Ireland 

UNT v UTEP 

Hawaii v Vandy (late game)

btw is everything ok with Herbie? He’s on ESPN now and his face and hair are almost unrecognizable…cancer (steroids)? I know they can do that…he looks so different.

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Horn80

Horn80 6117

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, Nicole44 said:

Looking forward to 
Nebraska v NorthWestern in Ireland 

UNT v UTEP 

Hawaii v Vandy (late game)

btw is everything ok with Herbie? He’s on ESPN now and his face and hair are almost unrecognizable…cancer (steroids)? I know they can do that…he looks so different.

Cancer might explain his bizarre crying event.

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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3868

Posted
Posted
 

UNC at AppSt next weekend gets a lot more interesting if UNC doesn’t have a warmup game.

Wish I still owned a house there. Boone will be nuts next weekend. It will be the new home crowd record
as Kidd Brewer has been expanded since Miami played there in 2016.

I’ve said AppSt has no chance against A&M and want to change that to a snowball in hell chance. Lot of AppSt players that are taking that COVID extra year and App will have played a real team prior. AppSt losses last season were to top 25 teams and WKU where App had four turnovers.
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Nicole44

Nicole44 22059

Posted
Posted
19 minutes ago, Horn80 said:

Cancer might explain his bizarre crying event.

He’s really really puffy in the face. Maybe it’s nothing but damn if he is sick. I’ve no particular liking for Herbie anymore but I don’t want him to be sick or anything. I still have some decent goodwill for him…

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Hank Chinaski

Hank Chinaski 6314

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Posted
4 minutes ago, Nicole44 said:

He’s really really puffy in the face. Maybe it’s nothing but damn if he is sick. I’ve no particular liking for Herbie anymore but I don’t want him to be sick or anything. I still have some decent goodwill for him…

fuck him roy moore GIF by The Opposition w/ Jordan Klepper
 

 

 


 

 

(I too would not wish cancer on him or anyone. Ok, on most anyone.)

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Newy25

Newy25 7668

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Posted

I think Casey Thompson/Nebraska’s will do ok today and pull out the win. After all, Casey is a front runner and he has not run into adversity yet which is when he is in peak performance. Their schedule is back end loaded which is when I expect him to fall apart and get a timely thumb injury and suddenly realize the Nebraska football organization is racist to lay blame to the offense falling into shambles. 

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Hermanator

Hermanator 7035

Posted
Posted
Just now, A’Dam Psycho said:

Of course Rece brings up “booster meddling” on Gameday for Sark picking Ewers. Smh

Rece reads 9.95ers. Rece is a dummy

Based on the 9.95 bullshit I'm sure Ewers has been dealing mullet powered dimes all camp and it was clear 2 days in he was QB1. 

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Vertigo

Vertigo 20276

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, closetojumping said:

My wife is half Irish, half British. We have a 10 year old daughter with ridiculously beautiful burnt orange hair. This photo could be an age progression of her 10 years from now. Christ.

But has she tried to bedazzle your man bun yet? Redheads like shiny things. 

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