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Parliament

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Parliament

Parliament 14,259

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1) A pox on the house of every man who puts animation in a slide deck.

2) Don't put "IMPORTANT," "URGENT," or "***PLEASE READ***" in the subject line of an email.  I'll get to yours in due time, Dude.

3) If you borrow my pickup to run into town quick, please return it with enough gas to get me home tonight.

 

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20,948

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There’s a type of cadence and language that is used in the “alright this has been productive, thank you all for your time” phase of the meeting. What it means is that the meeting is over and you can either shut the fuck up or say one short pleasant thing. No not one more thing, no not some stupid story.

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tx ind

tx ind 7,013

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30 minutes ago, Parliament said:

 

2) Don't put "IMPORTANT," "URGENT," or "***PLEASE READ***" in the subject line of an email.  I'll get to yours in due time, Dude.

 

 

Even worse is when people mark an email "High Importance" and it has "!" in the message preview pain.  When I see that shit I intentionally ignore the note as long as possible.

Also, "Thanks in advance" people can go fuck themselves. 

 

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Parliament

Parliament 14,259

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4) It's a 60 minute presentation and three of us are taking pieces.  60/3 = 20 goddamn minutes each.  I'm going last, and I'll be god damned if we go over.  So if we're 55 min in when I come up, I'm talking 5 min and closing the laptop.

5) You labeled your lunch, "Mike Smith.  DON'T EAT!"  Lol fuck you. That tuna sandwich is mine.  This isn't a monestary.  

6) I'll loan you anything that's on my desk.  And I'll kill your family when you don;'t return it.

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Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Celery Man said:

There’s a type of cadence and language that is used in the “alright this has been productive, thank you all for your time” phase of the meeting. What it means is that the meeting is over and you can either shut the fuck up or say one short pleasant thing. No not one more thing, no not some stupid story.

One thing I like about our culture at work is that once the big dick/HWIC starts this mode, everyone shuts the fuck up.  No add-ons.  Nothing.  It's the boss' room to close.

If someone speaks at that point, they'll receive a thousand laser beams through their chest from our hate, especially if the room was mine and I'm trying to get folks rollin....

Edited by slorch
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31 minutes ago, Parliament said:

 

6) I'll loan you anything that's on my desk.  And I'll kill your family when you don;'t return it.

when I was a noob I nailed a stapler to a common area desk so everyone would always have it.  Caught hell for a long time, but those bitches always had a fucking stapler.

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nnm

nnm 36,404

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3 hours ago, tfoolry said:

IMs that start with.  Hi or good morning with no question.  Send a fucking email.  
 

Nah. I’m ok with that. Is a common courtesy seeing if I’m actually online and actually can be interrupted with whatever the issue is. Much better than putting a lengthy issue in an IM and assuming I’ll instantly address it. 

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20,948

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13 hours ago, tfoolry said:

IMs that start with.  Hi or good morning with no question.  Send a fucking email.  
 

 

10 hours ago, nnm said:

Nah. I’m ok with that. Is a common courtesy seeing if I’m actually online and actually can be interrupted with whatever the issue is. Much better than putting a lengthy issue in an IM and assuming I’ll instantly address it. 

 

Team "include what it is you want". There should be an explicit cultural expectation that an IM is to be responded to at the convenience of the person that is receiving it, but also pinging someone on teams/slack/what have you out of the blue should look like "Hey Dave, do you have some time today to help me understand what's going on with the deployment at Conglom-O? Less than five minutes". My experience with the random "Hi" message is that it's someone who is about to get me on the hook for a conversation and then not go away for half an hour. 50/50 this person is going to call and share their screen. Fuck off schedule a meeting and if it doesn't include an agenda i'm declining without comment.

 

9 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Motherfuckers who just fucking talk and talk and talk while I'm obviously working.

 

 

yeah she's all like 'can you help with the baby' 'we need asparagus' 'can you drop this package off' woman I'm paying the bills here

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DigglerontheHoof

DigglerontheHoof 21,199

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15 hours ago, Celery Man said:

There’s a type of cadence and language that is used in the “alright this has been productive, thank you all for your time” phase of the meeting. What it means is that the meeting is over and you can either shut the fuck up or say one short pleasant thing. No not one more thing, no not some stupid story.

So much this.  There seems to be an uncontrollable urge to take up every single fucking second that is scheduled for a con call/meeting.  Get done 20 minutes early?

"anything else?"  And, sure as fuck, some dip shit is going to bring up an unrelated or adjacent issue that sucks up 25 minutes.  We have one sales rep who does this every. fucking. time.  Bitch is a beating of epic proportions. 

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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8,407

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Assholes who attend a meeting, are given every chance to contribute, including being asked point blank, then bitch the rest of the day that no one wants their input.

Dickweeds who make suggestions for major structural add-ons on construction projects during the final walk through, rather than while we are settling the scope of the engineering of the project.  They were part of the team who set the scope.  Then they complain that no one wants to hear their ideas.

People who leave their dishes in the break room sink for someone else to clean up.  Bitch, neither your mom nor the dish fairy work here.  Clean your shit up.  Shit-canning their dishes works to get this point across.

ETA - If you are a wastewater operator and you show up to work in a white shirt, thinking that I'll assign you to a desk task so that you stay shiny and clean, best believe that you are fixing to get dirty cleaning out a pump or dewatering sludge.

Edited by Scheiss Meister
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Celery Man

Celery Man 20,948

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21 minutes ago, Scheiss Meister said:

People who leave their dishes in the break room sink for someone else to clean up.  Bitch, neither your mom nor the dish fairy work here.  Clean your shit up.  Shit-canning their dishes works to get this point across.

 

7798E743-9204-4BCF-9B6B-7E2DB4BEB138.thumb.jpeg.bb2131582c88d0e3b8173c3ef970c0a0.jpeg
 

the shape of the sink, the multiple signs, and still that trap in the drain catches food. People are so goddamn disgusting.

just to... whatever, not that it should matter, but this is a huge facility with proper kitchens and eating areas that are different than this small break area

Edited by Celery Man
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Scheiss Meister

Scheiss Meister 8,407

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16 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

7798E743-9204-4BCF-9B6B-7E2DB4BEB138.thumb.jpeg.bb2131582c88d0e3b8173c3ef970c0a0.jpeg
 

the shape of the sink, the multiple signs, and still that trap in the drain catches food. People are so goddamn disgusting.

just to... whatever, not that it should matter, but this is a huge facility with proper kitchens and eating areas that are different than this small break area

So much about that picture puts my hackles up.  At least you use a properly colored Yeti like a civilized human.

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Sbbruin

Sbbruin 21,853

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Reply all for sure.
 
Second is people asking questions just to hear themselves speak.

Funny thing is when I was younger I was definitely this guy, always trying to sound smart (and usually succeeding). Now unless critical, I shut up. In fact I'm typing this while on a Teams conf call.
Retirement is 9.5 years away.

Ha, me too, almost exactly.
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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

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17 hours ago, Parliament said:

You labeled your lunch, "Mike Smith.  DON'T EAT!"  Lol fuck you. That tuna sandwich is mine.  This isn't a monestary.

If someone takes my lunch from the fridge, I'm gonna pull your fucking card. You do not mess with a man's meals. 

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Vegas64

Vegas64 675

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2 hours ago, Sbbruin said:


Funny thing is when I was younger I was definitely this guy, always trying to sound smart (and usually succeeding). Now unless critical, I shut up. In fact I'm typing this while on a Teams conf call.
Ha, me too, almost exactly.

When we were young we were hungry to be seen and heard and desperately make an impact which made us look naive or adorable, at best, and annoying and insufferable at worst. Let the managing director or partner run the strategy and just take notes, 25 year old.

That said, I feel like it's been beaten like a dead horse, but the popular acronym WAIT needs to be a topic of new-hire onboarding:

W.A.I.T. the acronym for Why Am I Talking?

image.png.8050e24f657cbc20b198dd8b030011be.png

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BrazilHorn

BrazilHorn 6,603

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Sometimes dipshits accidentally send an email to a corporate wide distro list about a specific fucking topic that was not meant for the corporate wide distribution list but rather some other dipshit. 
So of course a collection of total fucktards whom if I were CEO I’d immediately fire as they are mouth breathing morons ask “ to be removed from the email” while copying everyone in the company. 
   Then the second wave of complete assclowns comes over the top scolding people not to reply to all while they are replying to fucking all. 
  So pretty soon you have like 200 emails in your inbox from a total collection of utter shitbirds. 
  That’s my work pet peeve

oh and people who read their power point slides verbatim. WTF we can all read. Why are we meeting???

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,844

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4 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

How about accidentally forwarding something inappropriate to your boss's boss's boss's boss, and everyone in between?

https://www.espn.com/nfl/news/story/_/id/2888839

My wife’s secretary accidentally did that with a message - supposedly to her only friend - bitching about how Mrs. Brat didn’t do anything and she (the secretary) did all the work.  It went to everyone in their division.
Of course the opposite was true (Mrs. Brat was the “go to person” in her licensing division whenever any other program manager needed help figuring out procedures) and the secretary had a very high opinion of herself that no one else shared.
There was a reason why that woman was still a secretary after 18 years on the job. 
The assistant division director was given the task of setting the dumbass straight, but did not fire her. (state job)

Edited by Armybrat
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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,844

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1 hour ago, BrazilHorn said:

oh and people who read their power point slides verbatim. WTF we can all read. Why are we meeting???

90% of our faculty meetings were like that, plus the added bonus of the self important dipshit who had to ask stupid questions at the end of the meeting to extend the bullshit another 15 or 20 minutes.

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nnm

nnm 36,404

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46 minutes ago, Butch Had Not said:

Coworker who clearly knows I work with her and instead of holding the door open and just letting me in will then insist I swipe my badge before "allowing" me to enter.

Exactly what are you entering?

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