Your work pet peeves

[Celery Man 20829]

Question: "Is the sky blue?"
Super awesome answer: "It is cerulean"  or "Not at night!"

Question: "What happens to The One Ring at the end of the story?"
Super awesome answer: "An old man in a gray hat drives a wagon through a wood. A hobbit approaches......"

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

Obviously you work for Twitter...

[Sam Lin 3539]

Where do you work where people actually ask "Is the sky blue?"

[Crapinon 2244]

Our insurance company is making us use the Drive safe device/app on company vehicles. It records every movement and location of your vehicle 24/7. I once worked for a company that weaponized our tracking devices. We were outside sale and if we had to sit in the office to work on company business they docked our pay.

I told the owner that I could be driving down the highway drinking scotch, eating a burger and fries, smoking a cigarette and steering with my knee and as long as I was driving the speed limit the app would think I was a safe driver. But driving on a busy road, where people constantly pull in front of you causing you to slam on your brakes counts against you.

I haven't been in an accident in 35 years. I have 1 ticket in the last 20 years. Why the hell is this necessary for me? I work for a small company and one of the perks is having a company vehicle for personal use. They don't need to know my every movement or what I do after work and on weekends. 

[LebongJames 1777]

3 hours ago, Crapinon said:

Our insurance company is making us use the Drive safe device/app on company vehicles. It records every movement and location of your vehicle 24/7. I once worked for a company that weaponized our tracking devices. We were outside sale and if we had to sit in the office to work on company business they docked our pay.

I told the owner that I could be driving down the highway drinking scotch, eating a burger and fries, smoking a cigarette and steering with my knee and as long as I was driving the speed limit the app would think I was a safe driver. But driving on a busy road, where people constantly pull in front of you causing you to slam on your brakes counts against you.

I haven't been in an accident in 35 years. I have 1 ticket in the last 20 years. Why the hell is this necessary for me? I work for a small company and one of the perks is having a company vehicle for personal use. They don't need to know my every movement or what I do after work and on weekends. 

I take a vehicle allowance over driving a company vehicle because of this issue.

[Longboard Horn 39982]

One thing I hate is people who bitch about every little thing. We had a guy who recently got fired that would do that. He would complain about, "so I've got to send all these emails, edit and send everything I edited to the workfile and stack the newscast...." Used to drive me crazy because I would tell him that what he was hired for. Here was a guy who was bitching that he actually had to do some work in the office. 

[Sam Lin 3539]

People who "stack the newscast."

The fuck does that even mean??

[SuperSport 1328]

Awkward motherfuckers who hover. If you need something or have a question, I would 100% rather you just interrupt me than stand two feet away, staring at me until I acknowledge you. It's annoying and creepy as fuck.

[irishtexan 11434]

Our company was recently acquired and apparently we have to provide I-9s. I received an email about it at 9:30 this morning. It's due on Monday. I just received a reminder email saying "I am reaching out, as unfortunately my records show that you have not completed your I9 reverification as of 1:33pm EST today, 8/24/23."

Three hours later. Fucking ridiculous. 

 

[Guest]

sounds like that's gonna be a fun time with general correspondence.

[Sam Lin 3539]

Delete.

[Sam Lin 3539]

4 hours ago, SuperSport said:

Awkward motherfuckers who hover. If you need something or have a question, I would 100% rather you just interrupt me than stand two feet away, staring at me until I acknowledge you. It's annoying and creepy as fuck.

I stand pretty far away or outside your door, but I absolutely will not interrupt you.

[Guest]

18 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

People who "stack the newscast."

The fuck does that even mean??

I have not heard that one yet.  Something to look forward to...

 

We did have an otherwise smart motherfucker say a point would be mute on a call the other day.  Buddy IMed me immediately

Did you hear that?

No.  he was mute.

 

LOL.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

18 hours ago, SuperSport said:

Awkward motherfuckers who hover. If you need something or have a question, I would 100% rather you just interrupt me than stand two feet away, staring at me until I acknowledge you. It's annoying and creepy as fuck.

[mininghorn88 2248]

19 hours ago, SuperSport said:

Awkward motherfuckers who hover. If you need something or have a question, I would 100% rather you just interrupt me than stand two feet away, staring at me until I acknowledge you. It's annoying and creepy as fuck.

We have a guy in our office that has his PhD.  Super smart but I believe that he is somewhat on the spectrum.  His social skills are awkward and he is always participating (barging in) in on conversations.  He always has something to say by butting in but what he says only makes sense in his mind on how it relates to the already in process conversation.  Every conversation that I have with him results in "WTF did we just talk about"?

Whenever he creates some work that needs to be shared with others my boss (and his) told him to "Let Mininghorn review it first before you send it out.  He has a knack for dumbing it down for others to understand".  I guess I should take that as a compliment?  Maybe??

[animaltobacco11 107]

People who ask for a meeting for whatever reason, but then put the burden of calendar'ing it on you. If you need the meeting or are asking, you do the administrative work of getting people's availability and setting it up. I'm not your EA.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

3 minutes ago, animaltobacco11 said:

People who ask for a meeting for whatever reason, but then put the burden of calendar'ing it on you. If you need the meeting or are asking, you do the administrative work of getting people's availability and setting it up. I'm not your EA.

Ignore this shit. It's the only way to fix it.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

I'm not brilliant, but I am experienced.  Nothing is new under the sun. You should listen to us old fuckers when we give you this look:

 

But no. Keep trying stupid shit because "it's new and cool" and getting the same stupid results. 

[Guest]

I'd posit in almost 30 years in my field, shit is changing dramatically.  The people who couldn't adjust and change to Covid conditions got left out.

I thrive in a "the script doesn't exist" environment.  I love it.  If I did shit the same way I did them in 1994, well, that'd suck bigtime.  Sometimes the young bucks teach us a thing or two. Kareem and Magic reference.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

4 minutes ago, slorch said:

The people who couldn't adjust and change to Covid conditions got left out.

And now that it's magically gone away, it's the "gotta change" people who can't adjust.  Ironic.

[Guest]

13 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

And now that it's magically gone away, it's the "gotta change" people who can't adjust.  Ironic.

Our business constantly evolves.  That was just one aspect that drove immediate and unplanned changes.  It's still going on.  But you're right, the people who cannot change today will also get left behind/ be less competitive.

One of our biggest challenges is getting folks who joined the company in the last 4 years to understand that wasn't how things had always operated.  Many of the exceptions we made on expectations have reverted closer to those of old.   It's a huge adjustment for some.

Edited August 25, 2023 by slorch

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

I get that. I hammer my teams constantly that "that's how we've always done it" is a killer to an organization. But that wasn't my point. My point is that the opposite can be true too. There's often a good reason why we don't change certain things, but fuck around and find out.

[mininghorn88 2248]

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

I'm not brilliant, but I am experienced.  Nothing is new under the sun. You should listen to us old fuckers when we give you this look:

 

But no. Keep trying stupid shit because "it's new and cool" and getting the same stupid results. 

This is pretty much what I told my new boss about a year ago.  I have more years of experience by myself than the combined years of the balance of the team (4 other people).  Almost daily I am having to teach or explain something.  The problem with that is that I am drawn into almost every meeting and being recognized as the "old guy".

My industry has changed a lot during my career.  I had the good fortune to be exposed to all aspects of the business whereas today folks are more specialized in what they do so that they do not always have the big picture thus their decision making becomes a bit myopic.

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

1 hour ago, mininghorn88 said:

  I had the good fortune to be exposed to all aspects of the business whereas today folks are more specialized in what they do so that they do not always have the big picture thus their decision making becomes a bit myopic.

Yup, I think we are the most "adjustable" generation ever. Started out in school before computers and had to adapt to every change from paperwork to IBM mainframes to having a CPU in your pocket. 

[Parliament 14074]

OK Boomer

[closetohumping 17336]

I’m in sales.  Non revenue producing fucks that take their time 

[Guest]

14 hours ago, closetohumping said:

I’m in sales.  Non revenue producing fucks that take their time 

One of the hardest things to convey without being a dick is sense of urgency. "Move your ass, Private Pyle!!!"

A little crazy goes a long way...LOL.  I'll just leave it at that.

[tx ind 6963]

17 hours ago, closetohumping said:

I’m in sales.  Non revenue producing fucks that take their time 

I'm in finance.  Revenue producing people that only display urgency because they fuck around too much and always need things last minute.

[Guest]

7 minutes ago, tx ind said:

I'm in finance.  Revenue producing people that only display urgency because they fuck around too much and always need things last minute.

That's what you are here for:  enable the transaction.

Let's fucking go!

edit: i can't disagree with your perspective though either.  Some folks piddle, regardless of their job.

Edited August 26, 2023 by slorch

[closetohumping 17336]

15 minutes ago, tx ind said:

I'm in finance.  Revenue producing people that only display urgency because they fuck around too much and always need things last minute.

Yea that wouldn’t be me or my team.  

[tx ind 6963]

6 minutes ago, slorch said:

That's what you are here for:  enable the transaction.

Let's fucking go!

edit: i can't disagree with your perspective though either.  Some folks piddle, regardless of their job.

Yeah but I also have a board and lenders and sometimes I’m working on stuff with them and don’t have time to deal with shit because people ignore process.
Sales is usually the top priority but sometimes an emergency on their part is not an emergency for me.

[nnm 35841]

3 hours ago, tx ind said:

I'm in finance.  Revenue producing people that only display urgency because they fuck around too much and always need things last minute.

Yup. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. 

[blacklab 11836]

Sales: We won't be able to sell this till we have feature X
Eng: here's X

Sales: We won't be able to sell this till we have feature Y
Eng: here's Y

Sales: We won't be able to sell this till we have feature Z

[956 Worldwide 34212]

On 8/23/2022 at 5:26 PM, Cheeseweasel said:

Somewhat work related. Some motherfucker named "Stan" just left me a voicemail: "Hey cheeseweasel, This is Stan, give me a call when you get a chance".

I don't know a Stan. No one named Stan works here. If you are a sales person, tell me WHY I should call you back or else FUCK OFF.

Leaving a voicemail at all is a pet peeve of mine. 

[Tylerocks 2544]

I'm in a new role in a new industry, so I ask a lot of basic, simple questions.

For example: "How much is widget A?"

Instead getting a price as you would expect...I get an entire explanation, follow up questions about the customer, their application of said widget A, etc.

Just give the price, motherfucker.

 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2720]

Mgmt by email.  I'm in a new role and in the office maybe 2x per week. The schedule of the C suite varies wildly so I may not see another guy for a week.   I routinely get an email about once a week with lot of exclamation points and one long paragraph. I've been in mgmt and own a small business now. IMO these types of conversations are best suited for a phone call or in person because the tone is rarely the same.  

[MissingInAction 24701]

On 8/23/2022 at 7:28 AM, Parliament said:

Prison rules, Dawg.  

Take my lunch and I will fucking cut you.

Not really but I will humiliate you using the security cam footage of you doing it.

There may be a few here who remember my BBQ Bandito thread from hornfans.

[nnm 35841]

[High Plains Drifter 10961]

On 8/23/2022 at 4:26 PM, Cheeseweasel said:

Somewhat work related. Some motherfucker named "Stan" just left me a voicemail: "Hey cheeseweasel, This is Stan, give me a call when you get a chance".

I don't know a Stan. No one named Stan works here. If you are a sales person, tell me WHY I should call you back or else FUCK OFF.

 

Hey asshole, its been over a year, and I'm still waiting on that phone call.

 

[Guest]

On 8/28/2023 at 2:38 PM, Tylerocks said:

I'm in a new role in a new industry, so I ask a lot of basic, simple questions.

For example: "How much is widget A?"

Instead getting a price as you would expect...I get an entire explanation, follow up questions about the customer, their application of said widget A, etc.

Just give the price, motherfucker.

 

I changed roles 6 weeks ago and I have had a similar experience.

Gotdam some of you motherfuckers love your voice.

Get to the fucking point!

[Cheeseweasel 26437]

14 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Hey asshole, its been over a year, and I'm still waiting on that phone call.

 

It's just about finding the balance.

[morehornsepower 856]

coworker, out of the blue, no context, in teams chat: "quick call?"

 

How about you fucking type a few extra words and tell me what you need, and then I can decide if I need to make time for a "quick" call to discuss it?

[Davis Lane 5532]

Cat walking all over my keyboard or his face all up in my grill while I'm working.

All the while purring his ass off.

I work from home by the way.

Edited August 31, 2023 by Davis Lane

[mininghorn88 2248]

The men’s restroom in our building has 4 urinals and three stalls for toilets. There is a guy in our building that always takes the middle stall no matter the situation. 
 

If stall 1 is occupied and stalls 2 and 3 are open. Please take stall 3. Give a guy some space.

[baboso 6043]

I prefer the handicrapper.  More room.

[dcbc 14360]

23 minutes ago, baboso said:

I prefer the handicrapper.  More room.

[shakahorn 1622]

On 8/26/2023 at 6:02 PM, blacklab said:

Sales: We won't be able to sell this till we have feature X
Eng: here's X

Sales: We won't be able to sell this till we have feature Y
Eng: here's Y

Sales: We won't be able to sell this till we have feature Z

This one used to drive me nuts back when I was in sw dev.  Sell what we have asshole, not what we don't have.

[Parliament 14074]

1 hour ago, baboso said:

I prefer the handicrapper.  More room.

This is the way.  

[TrashMaster G 17323]

On 8/26/2023 at 11:31 AM, tx ind said:

I'm in finance.  Revenue producing people that only display urgency because they fuck around too much and always need things last minute.

I am also in Finance and I concur.

 

On 8/26/2023 at 3:23 PM, nnm said:

Yup. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. 

It is the bane of my existence. Especially aggravating is when they try to make it my emergency and it's quarter end. 

People who have worked with me through at least a couple of quarter ends have learned better.  Usually the hard way.  Hard for them.

[Pokoloco 1255]

Don't move my stuff.