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Jacking off to my Sark performance fantasy

Wulaw Horn

By Wulaw Horn
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horn4life

horn4life 3755

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God Damn It!  I'm In WuLaw!

It's hard not to get swept up in the enthusiasm.  How can you question a man that made the commitment to take his family on a family vacation, that could only best be described as a combination of Chevy Chase's "Vacation" and Robin Williams "RV."  Who could doubt the wisdom of a man heading out into the wilderness with wife and family in a shiny new RV, with the stairs down...  We then got to explore the survival skills of a man discovering the existence of the strange miracle of metal rivets that could not be removed with a screw driver.  Who among us cannot embrace the enthusiasm of a master plan involving not a "Stabbin Wagon"  like Micheal Douglas drove explaining the mysteries of women to Mr. Alright, alright, alright, but instead opted to bring a nookie tent! 

Not all of us can head forward in life despite the headwinds of diversity!  I am all in!  I just hope that my enthusiasm and embrace of Wulaw's prognostications do however end up better than the final chapters of the great American Road Trip!  It would be disappointing if partway though this year's Sark and Co season, the team instead of looking like a shiny new RV, resembled a half opened sardine tin... with a wrinkled and mildewing nookie tent in the background.

So I'm with you WuLaw!  But I am praying that you did you bring the low bridge map with you, to help guide Sark this season?

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Wulaw Horn

Wulaw Horn 18980

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22 minutes ago, horn4life said:

God Damn It!  I'm In WuLaw!

It's hard not to get swept up in the enthusiasm.  How can you question a man that made the commitment to take his family on a family vacation, that could only best be described as a combination of Chevy Chase's "Vacation" and Robin Williams "RV."  Who could doubt the wisdom of a man heading out into the wilderness with wife and family in a shiny new RV, with the stairs down...  We then got to explore the survival skills of a man discovering the existence of the strange miracle of metal rivets that could not be removed with a screw driver.  Who among us cannot embrace the enthusiasm of a master plan involving not a "Stabbin Wagon"  like Micheal Douglas drove explaining the mysteries of women to Mr. Alright, alright, alright, but instead opted to bring a nookie tent! 

Not all of us can head forward in life despite the headwinds of diversity!  I am all in!  I just hope that my enthusiasm and embrace of Wulaw's prognostications do however end up better than the final chapters of the great American Road Trip!  It would be disappointing if partway though this year's Sark and Co season, the team instead of looking like a shiny new RV, resembled a half opened sardine tin... with a wrinkled and mildewing nookie tent in the background.

So I'm with you WuLaw!  But I am praying that you did you bring the low bridge map with you, to help guide Sark this season?

Not only do we have the map but I put $100 on J Whitt staying healthy with CTJ. Absolutely nothing could go wrong. 

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UT_OB1

UT_OB1 2200

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On 8/26/2022 at 6:01 AM, AnTiM said:

Seeing a thread started by someone who appears to be intelligent, well informed and literate gives me hope that not all forums are hotbeds for hopeless and pointless argument.  This one fills the bill.

You haven’t read many of @Wulaw Horn’s post, have you?  😅

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HornsofBevo

HornsofBevo 122

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I’ve been a Sark fan ever since the first time it was rumored he might be our head coach. He is clearly using his experience he gained with Saban to help build the talent of the team and culture of the program. I think given time he will have us back to 9-10 win seasons as the floor of our program. Texas fans have just been burnt so bad by chuckles and Mensa that they can’t let themselves see that we have a potential long term coach in Sark. 

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Hagbard Celine

Hagbard Celine 10761

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On 8/25/2022 at 10:30 AM, Wulaw Horn said:

Sark- decent track record at turning around a dumpster fire in Washington:

Sark is being given shit by our fan base and called 7 win Steve for his work with the Washington Huskies in his first job, but is this an epithet he should have to live down, or a building block to show he might be the right guy.  

About the Washington team he took over:  Ty Willingham was God awful there.  He was there for 4 years to clean up an mess and instead of doing that with any semblance of competence he went 11-37, with the arrow pointed directly into the ground.  Sark took over a program in as bad possible shape as any in the country.  He then went 34-29.  He won 5, 7,7, 7 and 8 games there.  He took over a dumpster fire, created a first round QB out of thin air (the shitty Jake Locker) and restored the talent level to such a point that the guy taking over for him had the foundation in place to win a conference title and earn a playoff berth pretty quickly.  He did yeomans work in resurrecting the program from the dead, and was rewarded with the job at SC.  People use this as a data point for failure but this looks like a guy who pointed the team into a much better direction and started building a program.  That's a good thing.  Reminds me a lot of Mack Brown at North Carolina, only he left in year 5 when the program was poised to get better while Mack stuck around and reaped the 10 win season reward for the building being put into it. I'd say, he took over a house on fire, put it out, cleaned the kitchen up and at least bought and assembled all the ingredients to build a cake, even if he didn't stick around long enough to mix the ingredients up and then put it in the oven to bake. 

when do you have time to write paper? :)

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Dignan

Dignan 355

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I sometimes get bored at work.....so when I saw this thread my first thought was "I wonder how Saban's former Alabama assistants have done in their SECOND year as a head coach after leaving Alabama?". Now, some went straight to head coaching after leaving Bama the first time (Smart, Kiffin) and some took other assistant positions before becoming a head coach. But, the "second year as a head coach after leaving Bama" is my stat and I am sticking to it.

Here is what I found:

Kirby Smart: 13-2 in second year at Georgia.
Mario Cristobal: 12-2 in second year at Oregon.
Billy Napier: 11-3 in second year at Louisiana.
Mel Tucker: 2-5 in second year at Michigan State (Covid year)
Mike Locksley: 2-3 in second year at Maryland (Covid year)
Lane Kiffin: 5-7 in second year at FAU
Jim McEelwain: 8-6 in second year at Colorado State
Curt Cignetti: 12-2 in second year at IUP (mark me down as "never heard of this guy")
Jeremy Pruitt: 8-5 in second year at Tennessee
*Charles Huff: Only one season as Marshall Head Coach. 
*Butch Jones: Second season at Arky State.
*Dan Lanning: First year at Oregon.

Average: 8 wins, 4 losses

Now, some of these guys are still head coaches an some have left. So, after intense research and using my Apple II E computer to run extensive analytics, I predict Sark will go at LEAST 8-4 this season at the helm of the mighty Texas Longhorns. My real prediction though is 9-3.

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ChickenNuggets

ChickenNuggets 1611

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On 8/28/2022 at 2:58 PM, HornsofBevo said:

I’ve been a Sark fan ever since the first time it was rumored he might be our head coach. He is clearly using his experience he gained with Saban to help build the talent of the team and culture of the program. I think given time he will have us back to 9-10 win seasons as the floor of our program. Texas fans have just been burnt so bad by chuckles and Mensa that they can’t let themselves see that we have a potential long term coach in Sark. 

If he can make adjustments at the half, awesome. I like him, he's building a talented roster, but if he can't adjust his game plan in real-time, he'll never be a championship coach. That's what I'm excited to see this year.

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HornsofBevo

HornsofBevo 122

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1 hour ago, ChickenNuggets said:

If he can make adjustments at the half, awesome. I like him, he's building a talented roster, but if he can't adjust his game plan in real-time, he'll never be a championship coach. That's what I'm excited to see this year.

If Saturday was any indication, letting Casey Thompson go to Nebraska may be the biggest halftime adjustment he can make all year.

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pyrohornIII

pyrohornIII 4809

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On 8/25/2022 at 11:43 AM, Wulaw Horn said:

Conclusion- what do you need to do at Texas to win big?

 Mack Brown said (or maybe it was DKR) the biggest job as the head coach is to get all the BB's back in the box. Sark is doing that to my way of thinking.  People like him.  He didn't go out of his way to be aloof and unpersonable (Mackovic and Herman). He's not clearly in over his head as a tactician (David M., and Charlie Strong).  The President supports him.  The AD is doing a good job raising money for him and giving him what he needs. The boosters and town are helping him.  This program is a giant. It's got all sorts of wonderful advantages you can point to that can help it succeed and thrive. We are at worst a top 10 overall program in the history of college football.  But, it has problems with inertia and it can be a real bitch to get moving, out of its own way, and have everyone rowing the same time on the oars.  I think Sark has buy in from who he needs buy in from.  He's got people in his corner.  He's been marked by PC, Saban and the Manning clan as a guy that can be trusted to run shit for them on the offensive side of the ball and career development. He's had success as a player/leader.  He knows what good looks like.  He's had some success in taking a program from wretched to above average, he's learned some things in his personal life.  He's succeeded and been brought low and matured and grown up.  Now he's in his late 40's/early 50's where a decent man processes through his experiences, folds in the wisdom he's learned along the way, and still has the vitality of a man young enough to take that all together and get the job done.  Sark and his experiences, while not resounding successes at every stage of his career is the man in time to restore the talent of this program, get everyone pulling in the right direction to do the hardest part which is break out of the initial inertia and lethargy killing the program, and has the tactical chops to keep it going once it gets in the right direction.

We are on the cusp of a golden age of Texas football and people are going to start seeing it this year when we win 9 or 10 games (counting possible big 12 title game and bowl game in this number), finish the year with a team that would throttle the team that began the year, ink another top 5 class, fill some needs in the portal and come into 2023 with the mindset of show me a loss.  

Thus ends my optimists case for Sark at UT.  

Note- I'm not saying it must go down this way or that the people who are negative are wrong. If he shits the bed again this year then he needs to be fired.  But, I think his personality, tactical chops, nailing of the offseason and talent acquisition should give him enough rope that we have an open mind this season and root for/hope for the best.  

Flame away. Call me an idiot. Tell me I can't drive an RV.  Or that I'm fat or ugly or whatever it is that will make you happy now.  If it goes bad I will ask Immamac if I can start the Fire Sark thread.  If I do have that honor (I doubt I will) my post would be titled "Fire Sark" and the inside of the post would be:   CTJ was right. I'm an idiot for ever having any hope it could work out. It's time. Boy did we fuck this up yet again.  There won't need to be a case made. It will be obvious to almost everyone.    

I would add that the fire Chris Beard has brought to campus, along with the other programs all being upgraded brings a new positive energy to the program, and Sark seems to be fitting in well, without making it all about him.    

I'm glad you took the time to counter all the Sark negativity.   I have a good feeling about this one.  We are due.

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Wulaw Horn

Wulaw Horn 18980

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The more I see for Sark the more I really really like him. 
If Ewers comes back healthy this year without a loss between here and his comeback it feels like there is no ceiling for this team and that the floor would be 9-3 or something like that. 
He’s a really smart offensive dude. That side of the ball looks like it’s going to be good to great if QB’s stay healthy as long as he’s here. 
Defense is going to be a question mark bc that’s not his side of the ball, but it doesn’t have to be great merely good for us to get where we want to be, and if we are being honest even average defense with great offense is a playoff team once they expand to 12. 
Just could not be happier (other than Ewers being taken away from us and the ref show buttfucking against Alabama) about everything that has transpired in this program since kick against KSU last year. 

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Shaggyhorn

Shaggyhorn 641

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Sark seems to definitely be building something. The energy in Longhorn nation and takes from national media definitely point to that. Bigger than that, the team sure seems to believe.

In the first three games, I’ve been really impressed by his game planning and adjustments when needed. He seems to be able to push the pressure points to the breaking point to create explosive plays.

If Ewers is healthy, I’m guessing we lose two of OU, OSU, KSU, and Baylor, but we could also win them all. I don’t see us losing to the lesser teams in the conference this year, and that, in my mind is more important than the overall win total at the end of the year.

Please be right!

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Horn Dogg

Horn Dogg 3808

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1 hour ago, Shaggyhorn said:

Sark seems to definitely be building something. The energy in Longhorn nation and takes from national media definitely point to that. Bigger than that, the team sure seems to believe.

In the first three games, I’ve been really impressed by his game planning and adjustments when needed. He seems to be able to push the pressure points to the breaking point to create explosive plays.

If Ewers is healthy, I’m guessing we lose two of OU, OSU, KSU, and Baylor, but we could also win them all. I don’t see us losing to the lesser teams in the conference this year, and that, in my mind is more important than the overall win total at the end of the year.

Please be right!

Fuck it - win out!

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Sawbonz

Sawbonz 27429

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OP

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31274

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9 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Let’s wait until we lose a game with Ewers. 

Well, that's probably going to happen, too.

But, we all knew most offensive progress was going to be tied to Ewers and youth on the OL.  So Ewers is out and the OL is doing youth things.

We're trying to run our offense through a guy that lost his job last year to the guy who took us to 5-7.

PK and the defense do seem to be a problem, though.  They're not as lost as last year, but not getting it done in pretty much the same ways as last year.

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Wulaw Horn

Wulaw Horn 18980

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23 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

Are you mad because I think this thread is embarrassing? I’m sorry that your pussy is hurt. 

No. You are a fucking flaming vagina that refused to bet me while you herp derped your dumb ass all fucking off-season. You are a gutless fucking pussy and can get fucked. In conclusion, go fuck yourself you small dicked motherfucker. 

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DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt

DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12301

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3 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

No. You are a fucking flaming vagina that refused to bet me while you herp derped your dumb ass all fucking off-season. You are a gutless fucking pussy and can get fucked. In conclusion, go fuck yourself you small dicked motherfucker. 

That’s it! I WILL NOT be refinancing with your institution!

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Thatguy

Thatguy 8502

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2 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

Is there anything more on brand for this board than the lead sponsor getting black out drunk and shit talking about a win over a team that won’t end up bowl eligible?

Look man, today was glorious. It was cathartic. Enjoy it instead of spending the day being a gigantic bitch

When that team is OU.....yes. 

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Wulaw Horn

Wulaw Horn 18980

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5 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt said:

Is there anything more on brand for this board than the lead sponsor getting black out drunk and shit talking about a win over a team that won’t end up bowl eligible?

Look man, today was glorious. It was cathartic. Enjoy it instead of spending the day being a gigantic bitch

You are a gigantic fucking gash. Enjoy. 

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