Would you press charges? (incident at middle school)

[Bevo 13577]

4 hours ago, Hmbre97 said:

My oldest just started in middle school this year (6th grade) and already had an incident last Friday at school. I have an inquiry out to a friend of a friend family law atty for his opinion but would also like Surly to weigh in.

He was walking from his 7th period class which is upstairs and while walking down the stairs, a 7th grader pushed him from behind, sending him down about 10-12 stairs. Luckily he landed in such a way that he landed on his right side and fortunately didn't hit his head or anything else critical. We took him to the ER as he said his hip hurt pretty bad and his forearm was numb (he landed on his elbow) but xrays came out clean so walked away with just some bruising and soreness.

When they pulled him into the nurses office, he initially thought he tripped but the school pulled security footage and saw where it was a very intentional push. They were able to identify who it was; a female 7th grader that has had no interactions with my son. From interviews, they believe it was just a case of this student wanted to push someone down the stairs and my son just happened to be there. I tend to believe this as all his classes and lunch are only with other 6th graders. He's also a very easy going kid so I know it wasn't a case of him popping off to someone in the hall or anything. 

I had a call with the principal and security officer today and it was inferred that the student was suspended and also some comments were made that this isn't this students first incident at the school. We have the choice to press charges. We haven't been allowed to see the video but the principal and counselor have said it's very tough to watch. My opinion is leaning to pressing charges due to the severity of what happened. If it was just a push in the hallway or a shove into the lockers, I'd let it go. Pushing someone down stairs is some psycho shit. My ex is a little hesitant to do it out of concern of retaliation. My opinion is if we were to get to see the video, it wouldn't even be a shard econd thought to press charges. No one gave a shit about Ray Rice until the video leaked.

What say you Surl?

Pretty hard for her to retaliate when she doesn't know who she pushed.

[Covri 6249]

1 hour ago, RDCanecutter said:

There's a lot to be said for a kid fight with weapons..

When small and scrawny, I was occasionally beaten up by an unhappy lumpish kid who outweighed me. He'd deliberately break something of mine so I'd jump his ass in blind fury, he'd get me down and bloody my nose. Happened like clockwork. His scraggly redneck mom (they had an unironic velvet Elvis on the wall) would jailhouse lawyer for him "Well RD started it" because I sure as hell did.

So one day we were outside, gonna "fight" with these rubbery toy swords I'd gotten. I had reach and went upside his head-- SMACK that shit hit harder than I thought it would anyway I thought he'd duck-- and the fat-ass lump busted into tears and FLED while I harried him out of the yard whacking at him for all those lost fistfights.

Dude had my number in punching and wrassling, but put a weapon in his hand and he was a zero. 

He never started any shit after that.

His drunk parents were probably still beating and maybe molesting him too.

Saw him on FB about ten years ago, he looked sad.

Didn't make contact. He might be dead now.

[Sbbruin 21853]

1 hour ago, PRONG HORN said:

If you press charges and the girl tells everyone, your kid might be "that bitch" for the next six years.  

This would be my only concern.  Maybe have an attorney approach the family and tell them we can settle and not press charges, or press charges and little Sally Cuntrag will have a record following her.

 

Edited August 30, 2022 by Sbbruin

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

If she’s cute have your son ask for restitution in the form of “services”

[Bevo 13577]

1 hour ago, RDCanecutter said:

There's a lot to be said for a kid fight with weapons..

When small and scrawny, I was occasionally beaten up by an unhappy lumpish kid who outweighed me. He'd deliberately break something of mine so I'd jump his ass in blind fury, he'd get me down and bloody my nose. Happened like clockwork. His scraggly redneck mom (they had an unironic velvet Elvis on the wall) would jailhouse lawyer for him "Well RD started it" because I sure as hell did.

So one day we were outside, gonna "fight" with these rubbery toy swords I'd gotten. I had reach and went upside his head-- SMACK that shit hit harder than I thought it would anyway I thought he'd duck-- and the fat-ass lump busted into tears and FLED while I harried him out of the yard whacking at him for all those lost fistfights.

Dude had my number in punching and wrassling, but put a weapon in his hand and he was a zero. 

He never started any shit after that.

His drunk parents were probably still beating and maybe molesting him too.

Saw him on FB about ten years ago, he looked sad.

Didn't make contact. He might be dead now.

That is a long story to tell us that you are a badass.

[closetohumping 17442]

I would.   

[ChickenSandwich 9836]

Phone call to parents

[HOOKEM4 5037]

4 hours ago, Post Oak said:

To me this seems like a reasonable option that no ones considered.

 

This was my first thought. But I am level headed so I don't do stuff like this. My wife though, may God have mercy on their soul if someone hurts her babies.

[Covri 6249]

I'd press charges if nothing else it's a CYA if the school doesn't do anything to separate this menace from the school. Kids tired this when I was in high school late 90s but they just tried to trip the person in front of them to fall into a packed crowd of kids moving down the stairs at a snails pace. Was dangerous and everyone was aware of it. Can't imagine some rando just shoving someone into a free fall like that. 

[Kwix 2186]

Maybe I missed this somewhere in the thread. How was the girl not expelled immediately once they reviewed the video? 

[Larry T. Spider 1746]

You won’t get the video out of the administration at the campus level because they are not authorized to give it to you. It doesn’t mean that it’s impossible but you are going to have to involve the district, who will likely run it by their legal team.

The video and consequences received by the other student are discipline records. Those are ferpa protected and they don’t let campus administrators make the decision on giving that stuff out. Just depends on how high up the chain you want to go and if you want to get lawyers involved.

FWIW, it was a shitty part of the job to be a principal and not be able to show the video. They likely want to. Strangely enough, the other parents will have an easier time seeing the video because it’s a discipline  record of their own child.

 

Edited August 30, 2022 by Larry T. Spider

[Pig Bellmont 8719]

There’s video! Yes, I would be certain to mete out whatever consequences I could. He can’t fight a girl, so the least other kids can know is that they can’t push your kid down stairs without real life problems 

[HOOKEM4 5037]

There is more to this story. If you believe this girl pushed your kid down a flight of stairs just on a whim, you wouldn't post here asking for advice. Spill it. Your son either met a psychopath or you are white washing the facts. If it is the former, you wouldn't post here asking for advice. 

Post pics of you wife so we can tell what the fuck is the truth.

[1978horn 892]

I thought it was up to the DA office to press charges.  You can ask for them to do it, but they don't have to.  I was under the impression that it was only the DA and that you can confirm that you would cooperate, but they can still choose not to.  I'm not a lawyer and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn last night.

 

 

[Kwix 2186]

8 minutes ago, 1978horn said:

I thought it was up to the DA office to press charges.  You can ask for them to do it, but they don't have to.  I was under the impression that it was only the DA and that you can confirm that you would cooperate, but they can still choose not to.  I'm not a lawyer and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn last night.

 

 

My assumption is that when the school admin says "press charges" what they mean is contact the police. Unless the parents of the victim push the issue, the school plans on keeping everything under wraps. Wouldn't want the school getting negative publicity. 

[pops 6985]

Do you still have to "press charges" in Texas?   Don't the cops just turn it over to the county attorney and it is his call?   He might not do it if your kid is an uncooperative witness but with video do you even have to do anything?   In my state, pressing charges isn't a thing. Yeah,  the injured can file a complaint but filing charges is completely up to the prosecuting attorney based on evidence. 

[Nivek 16930]

Are  we in Texas?
Been mentioned up thread but SRO should file charges on his / her own accord unless you tell them your son is unwilling to cooperate with the investigation / case.  Even better that way so your so can say he had nothing to do with it - in case he’s worried about being labeled a snitch or something. Out of his control.
Very unlikely this makes it to trial stage, so don’t sweat your son having to testify in court. Ask the prosecutor to demand restitution as a part of any plea bargain so you can recoup medical expenses / copay. And I would demand to see the video. Let them redact the juvenile faces etc..  don’t hesitate to escalate to superintendent level. 
It’s one thing to get shoulder-checked Derka style in the hall while passing but to randomly push a kid down a flight of stairs? Nope.
 
I bet this girl has a severely dysfunctional home life. It’s easy to just say fuck that little bitch etc but in reality, it’s quite sad. Try to take pity on her for likely being raised by shitty parent(s). 
 

Pity ends when they attempt to harm another person. Maybe she is just a sociopath. Maybe uncle daddy touches her. Don’t care. Harming others is not an option.

[babysdaddy 2724]

What is the socioeconomic status of the parties involved? Race?

[Nivek 16930]

There's a lot to be said for a kid fight with weapons..
When small and scrawny, I was occasionally beaten up by an unhappy lumpish kid who outweighed me. He'd deliberately break something of mine so I'd jump his ass in blind fury, he'd get me down and bloody my nose. Happened like clockwork. His scraggly redneck mom (they had an unironic velvet Elvis on the wall) would jailhouse lawyer for him "Well RD started it" because I sure as hell did.
So one day we were outside, gonna "fight" with these rubbery toy swords I'd gotten. I had reach and went upside his head-- SMACK that shit hit harder than I thought it would anyway I thought he'd duck-- and the fat-ass lump busted into tears and FLED while I harried him out of the yard whacking at him for all those lost fistfights.
Dude had my number in punching and wrassling, but put a weapon in his hand and he was a zero. 
He never started any shit after that.
His drunk parents were probably still beating and maybe molesting him too.
Saw him on FB about ten years ago, he looked sad.
Didn't make contact. He might be dead now.

And that boys name, Abraham Lincoln.

[Wally Fairway 5550]

Press charges, my kid fucked up a couple of times - but he didn't really think it was a big deal until he had to go to court.
It took him a while, but he finally realized that what he choose to do had consequences for him

Nothing is really going to happen to a middle school kid who goes to juvee court, with no prior charges my gut says some sort of deferred sentencing or probation that will be wiped clean if they fix their act. 
The other family should pay for your out of pocket medical expenses; hell I paid to have a kids teeth worked on, and he had swung first but my son popped him good. 

Turning the other cheek, will allow (or maybe even encourage) there to be another kid who has to deal with the kid.

[Updawg 2266]

I’d talk to the school more and find out more. Sounds like the kid has a history and probably needs help. School wants you to press charges to help them deal with it. Why they can’t do that on their own is strange

I wouldn’t worry about the retaliation aspect and if you aren’t out much medical expenses I wouldn’t bother dealing with that family unless you know what they are like


One aspect to think about is insurance. They may ask you how he fell. What do you tell them? At school accident or the incident? They may try to recoup and it could get ugly. My insurance is always interested when their are x rays etc.

[Steel Shank 9425]

5 hours ago, Steel Shank said:

Sounds like that little tart needs a sound and deliberate spanking.

 

5 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Agree with the general tone of the advice you're getting here.

Well, dang, thanks Brisket!

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

3 hours ago, CleverNickname said:

I clerked with Travis Fo Juv Public Defender... and I have nothing truly substantive to add. I guess if anything, don't discount how utterly awful TYC conditions are. They are overwhelmed, under resourced, and a stain on our souls as Texans. There is a non-zero chance she would be raped by prison guards and unable to have an abortion. It has happened before, and will happen again. 

And then wait for her son to get to 6th grade and push him down the stairs. 

[Kennythetiger 9384]

2 hours ago, Sbbruin said:

This would be my only concern.  Maybe have an attorney approach the family and tell them we can settle and not press charges, or press charges and little Sally Cuntrag will have a record following her.

 

Isn’t that extortion?  

[CleverNickname 1311]

I mean, I'd press charges too. But OP seemed to be looking at all sides and I thought someone should point how preposterous awful TYC has becomes since Prof Dawson died. The leg don't give a shit, and what was once at least trying to reform kids has basically become a Russian gulag. 

[Neonmoon 38129]

3 hours ago, CleverNickname said:

I clerked with Travis Fo Juv Public Defender... and I have nothing truly substantive to add. I guess if anything, don't discount how utterly awful TYC conditions are. They are overwhelmed, under resourced, and a stain on our souls as Texans. There is a non-zero chance she would be raped by prison guards and unable to have an abortion. It has happened before, and will happen again. 

[Updawg 2266]

I mean, I'd press charges too. But OP seemed to be looking at all sides and I thought someone should point how preposterous awful TYC has becomes since Prof Dawson died. The leg don't give a shit, and what was once at least trying to reform kids has basically become a Russian gulag. 

I don’t think she is going to anything like that over this incident unless there is already extensive history. Also depends on demographics and town which we don’t know

At this point I’m just assuming it’s a suburban spoiled fucked up kid with shitty parents that aren’t helping her. Probably gets picked up from school in a Porsche

[Baboontyme 2812]

I don't really have anything that hasn't already been said other than I want to weigh in on the side of perhaps the "retribution" angle is being overplayed here. Playground dynamics ain't what they used to be in my experience as a parent of a 7th and 4th grader. And anecdotally there was a (worse) situation when I was in HS involving a friend as the perp. Retribution against the victim was the last thing on anyone's mind. The kid has already been caught and is in major shit at this point. The logic line for a 7th grade kid and her Cletus and Brandene parents to have to draw from waiting for the hammer to drop and then the hammer actually dropping and pointing the blame at the victim is pretty blurry. That kid is going to be scared out of her goddamned mind and for good reason.

Anyway good luck OP. Really hoping this does not have lasting effects on your kid.

I also fully appreciate the posts about talking with your son and finding out what he really thinks and wants but I think you draw a firm line there like I understand but this is not your decision. And if you want to back that up I think the line of logic presented early in this thread about preventing this from happening to someone else is perfectly sound and something that a kid that age would understand. Sorry man. 

[High Plains Drifter 11049]

 

wow, this might be the first surly thread that is in 100% agreement.

 

I can't believe the pusher is not staring slack jawed at a computer in the alternative school until she either drops out or guesses enough answers correctly to get her credits and "graduate". I also can't believe the school hasn't already pressed charges. Sounds like its time to get a 900 pound gorilla attorney to jump up and down on some administrators' desks.

 

Sure, filing charges might ruin her life, she probably has a shitty homelife, yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. Make an example of her. If cutting her head off keeps one other kid from maybe pulling the same shit, at least her life would not have been completely in vain.

Fuck it, sue the parents also. Lawyers gotta eat like everybody else.

 

[MrBig 5398]

This thread has brought up concern your son will be labeled a “bitch” for taking action against this girl.

Fuck this line of thinking. If she’s an obvious psycho with a history of assaulting other students, everyone will be relieved she’s gone.

If she’s some rich bitch with loaded parents covering up her pattern of bullshit, getting her removed from school will make everyone think your son’s family is more powerful than hers.

Either way, the outcome of taking action against this girl is far better than not doing anything. You don’t want your son to be known as the kid who got pushed down the stairs without consequence. Other kids will keep getting hurt if her behavior goes unchecked. 

[Larry T. Spider 1746]

There are a lot of people asking for the school/administrators to press charges. They turn the evidence over to police (usually ISD PD) to make those decisions. It’s completely out of an administrators hands when it comes to the criminal side of things.

They can make school discipline decisions, and it sounds like the girl is already suspended. Special education laws can make the severity of those punishments less than ideal in some cases though. 

For your reading pleasure:

https://kidslegal.org/special-education-discipline-suspensions-and-expulsions

[956 Worldwide 34715]

There’s a lot missing to help me know what to say. I am not optimistic that pressing charges will help the other kid straighten out or lead to better safety for your kid. The other kid is 13 years old and we are talking brain chemistry— they do not understand action > consequence like we do.

 

 If this kid comes from an involved, interested family I am more likely to make their lives hell to get them to take shit seriously.  If this kid is from a troubled background— her family is not likely to get that message and may even encourage her to make your son’s life suck to get back at you. 

Regardless, my first place to focus is the school. WTF are they doing to make sure my kid is safe and impose consequences? Don’t let them duck the fact that keeping kids safe and the school under control is their job. 

[mchookem 16336]

6 hours ago, RDCanecutter said:

On Gran Torino I learned that the girl's family should offer her to your son to serve as his slave.

maybe the court will take care of it...

 

[TexasEd 8067]

9 hours ago, LW Goatman said:

Assuming this is Texas, it is assault which is indeed a Class A misdemeanor. Yes, press charges, I don't even know why they are asking the cop should just file the case.

 

Bolded.  Why are they putting it on you to press charges?  They need cover or something?  This was a crime they have irrefutable evidence of, they should be filing charges unless you beg them not to.

 

[Willfully Horn 8017]

I haven’t read the whole thread, but I don’t disagree the girl deserves to face consequences. She also deserves scrutiny. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is in a bad way, and needs help. You wouldn’t want her to hurt others, nor would you want her to hurt herself someday. I’ve been in a somewhat similar position, and the aggressor  killed himself a year after the incident with my daughter.

[52-80 19159]

6 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

There’s a lot missing to help me know what to say. I am not optimistic that pressing charges will help the other kid straighten out or lead to better safety for your kid. The other kid is 13 years old and we are talking brain chemistry— they do not understand action > consequence like we do.

A 13 year old that doesnt understand the consequence of pushing a person down the stairs has bigger issues than being sent to juvie. 

[Post Oak 20213]

17 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Mrs. Brat fell down three steps (she did not see them) at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London four years ago. 
She landed flat on her face breaking her nose & glasses, with blood splattering everywhere. She also broke her wrist so badly it required surgery to insert a metal plate & screws to hold it together. She also bruised her legs so bad she could not walk for almost three weeks and had to use a wheelchair. Her face was swollen for a couple of weeks, as were her legs. 
That’s from missing three stairs.

 

Surly's First Lady

[Apep 645]

Press charges. The teachers and other students will most likely thank you.

[Dahobbs 17534]

10 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Isn’t that extortion?  

Yes, yes it is. Don't do that. 

[BabaYaga 15298]

If only there was a group website with likeminded cock-bags, flush with ambulance chasing lawyers who spend most of their day arguing online.  That would be an awesome resource to tap into.

[ABSR 5312]

7 hours ago, TexasEd said:

Bolded.  Why are they putting it on you to press charges?  They need cover or something?  This was a crime they have irrefutable evidence of, they should be filing charges unless you beg them not to.

 

This is my first thought too.  If they see someone commit a crime on school grounds they have an obligation to report it to the SRO/Police.

But ignoring this, here are two questions you should ask if you choose not to press forward.  1.) What will you say to the parents of the child that this girl cripples or kills the next time she does this...because we know she will if there are no real consequences.   2.) What lesson are you teaching your son if you don't.  Someone attacks and assaults you.  It requires going to hospital/doctor, but you were very fortunate.  Hide it and cover it up, and protect the assailant.  Next time it happens make sure to stay quiet and just take it.  And also the next time.   It will end when you grow up and THEN you should do the right thing and go to the police?

We all want to look at this about "Kids being kids", but that is not what this was.  It involved kids and happened at school, but those things should be ignored when assessing the situation and actions.

I tell my kids "It's never too early to do the right thing.  Sometimes it is harder and more inconvenient in that moment, but taking care of it early before it grows/festers is always the best course of action."

[52-80 19159]

45 minutes ago, BabaYaga said:

If only there was a group website with likeminded cock-bags, flush with ambulance chasing lawyers who spend most of their day arguing online.  That would be an awesome resource to tap into.

moseisleycantina.com?

[dimyh 1874]

Me in middle school

[next2naus 439]

Request that she be sent to a disciplinary school and if not, you will press charges. Kids need chance to right their own boats, provide that opportunity. 

[Texzilla58 4736]

This is a terrible incident and I can’t figure out why a criminal assault on video didnt cause immediate arrest and expulsion. But juvenile law these days ain’t what it used to be. She needs a few weeks at a JB work camp chopping cotton.

Anyway I would go to school and record the conversation. Ask why the child hasn’t been charged. Ask if there have been other incidents why hasn’t it been handled previously? What are her parents doing about this; are the defiant and dismissive or fretting g about their evil ass spawn?

Folks here have asked how you would feel if the next time she hurts another kid. Your kid is that kid because the school and the previous parents did nothing. Seems to me the school and district has liability to you and should be named in a lawsuit. Are they screening this kid because she is the seed of the local mafia Don or MS13 capo?

I believe that charges should be filed immediately. If nothing else it will force the parents to face facts. The girl will not see a trial or go into the system unless she is a serial stair pusher. Hopefully she is moved to a different school, she and parents have to go to counseling, and they have to pay restitution.

My one incident with mine was when he was in sixth grade. Wife called and said our son got in a fight; you go handle it. My son was the youngest in his class and small but he was always scrappy. Got to school and my kid is sitting calmly in the principals office. Across the room is a black kid that is six feet tall and big, with a black eye, and blood caked nose, and teary eyes.

Principal calls me in. Says our policy requires both be suspended for three days. The big kid out there is two years older than your son and outweighs him by 100 pounds. “Your kid beat the living shit out of him; it’s something I’ve been hoping for someone to stand up to that shithead. He’s a terrible bully and will be a problem if no one fixes him. Hopefully your son has taught him the lesson we can’t. In the old days I would have given your kid a media.”

After getting the story my son did the right thing. Dude was picking on his friend, my son stepped in to help and took a punch, then went on him like he was Scott Farkus. The thing is the bully quit, and became friends with my son. He graduated high school and went to college.

Lesson: some kids respond to simple rules, others need a kick in the nuts to get back inside the guardrails. Now is the time to jerk her into the seriousness of the situation. Maybe she gets straight, might not, but you have to take action and file charges.

[gsoda3 3262]

you're overthinking this.  your first and only priority is your son.  do what you need to do to protect him.  he got lucky this time, make sure there's not a next time.  

[Trey3216 15346]

16 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

Only if she's hmong.

There's a fungus hmong us 

[RockyMountainHighHorn 890]

19 hours ago, BabaYaga said:

It's not "tattling" when the nurse and principal are brought in and THEN reach out to the parents after security footage is pulled.  

I wasn’t saying he was tattling I’m just saying that I’m sure other students would say that. Kids are ruthless as this thread knows. I’m just saying that crowd will label him a tattler or narc or whatever words they use today. All of which are wrong and can do massive emotional damage at that age. That’s the fear sadly. 

Edited August 30, 2022 by RockyMountainHighHorn

[Hmbre97 6308]

Wow, this thread blew up.  Thank you to everyone for your input. 

To fill in some info gaps, I'm on the east side of Round Rock so it's not the hood but it's not Eanes ISD either. I don't know for sure what the punishment is for the other student other than the principal telling us that our son wouldn't be seeing her around school for a while. I don't know if that means at-home suspension, ISS, or moving to an alternate campus. It's very annoying that the school officials want to speak in riddles since they can't give specifics.

I talked with my son more about it last night. He seems unphased by it. I did hear him over the weekend talking to his friends on discord and he told them he thought he tripped until he overheard the principal telling his grandmother they saw someone push him when they watched the security tapes so I don't think he's BS'ing about knowingly getting pushed. He did mention to my mom yesterday when she picked him up from school that he's going to start holding onto the handrail while going down the stairs just in case. 

A side story to this, he's been bugging us for a phone since last year because most of his friends had them. Then when he went back to school this year, one of his teachers took a poll in one of his classes of students who had phones and he said he was one of only a few who didn't. Fast forward to Friday when this happened, the nurse asked him if he could call his parents and when he said he didn't have a phone, she seemed surprised. So when my mom got there to pick him up, the nurse and principal were saying it would be a good idea to get him a phone in case of emergencies. I finally relented and got him one this weekend so he's been on cloud 9 about that. He even said last night in a joking manner he was glad he got pushed because he finally got a phone as a result.

 

Anyway, we're going to move forward with pressing charges so I'm sure I'll check in with updates once things progress.

 

 

[BabaYaga 15298]

2 minutes ago, RockyMountainHighHorn said:

I wasn’t saying he was tattling I’m just saying that I’m sure other students would say that. Kids are ruthless as this thread knows. I’m just saying that crowd will label him a tattler or narc or whatever words they use today. All of which are wrong. 

100%.  I'm just saying there is a built in excuse that the school and "system" are engaged and this is all coming down from the top long before the parents became involved.  I hope that little shit gets scared straight and the school does an actual and thorough investigation into both this and any prior incidents.