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Why Texas Stomps a Mudhole In Alabama's Ass

closetojumping

By closetojumping
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ousux

ousux 5597

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This thread has inspired me to take the rest of the week off and maintain a felony level BAC until the game is over.

Can one of you be a bro and make liquor store/food runs for me? An entire week of delivery fees eats into the drinking budget. Thx in advance

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Chuckie Finster

Chuckie Finster 22694

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1 hour ago, closetojumping said:

This all started on the evening of January 7th, 2010, just after that dirty, impish grandmother molesting Nick Saban sacrificed what is rumored to be a live chicken and a dead rhino to Lamashtu The Eraser, in exchange for the greatest dynastic run in CFB history, beginning with the immediate demise of Texas via an early injury to its star QB and leader, Colt McCoy. 

Twelves Years a Knave is a run too long for any blue blood program to endure. It all ends this weekend, right where it started, in front of God, Country, Longhorn Nation, all of US sports media, and that dark, tiny ankle-biter himself, Nick Saban. 

Bama's run of dominance began by beating a Longhorn Freshman QB from a Texas high school powerhouse who wore #3.

Texas Smells Repeat Title Game? Make it so, Mr. Simms Gilbert Applewhite - Sports - The Austin Chronicle

You already know how it ends.

Texas quarterback Quinn Ewers stunned by bad news after winning season opener | Fox News

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Helobious

Helobious 9454

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I’ve always viewed ctj as a very well-spoken, cerebral dimwit, but fuck if he didn’t actually bring up some great points here. I’m on board. I don’t know that I’m on board for an upset but there’s just no way this game is going to be decided by more than one possession. Texas to cover is free money. 

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HOOKEM4

HOOKEM4 5037

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"History is hard to know, because of all the hired bullshit, but even without being sure of “history” it seems entirely reasonable to think that every now and then the energy of a whole generation or Longhorn fans comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody really understands at the time—and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happened.

My central memory of that time seems to hang on one or five or maybe forty nights—or very early mornings—when I left the Driscoll half-crazy and, instead of going home, aimed the big 650 Lightning across the 360 bridge at a hundred miles an hour wearing khaki shorts and a Longhorns jacket . . . booming through Westlake at the lights of radio towers not quite sure which turn-off to take when I got to the other end. . . but being absolutely certain that no matter which way I went I would come to a place where people were just as high and wild as I was about the Longhorns: No doubt at all about that. . . .

There was madness in any direction, at any hour. If not across the river, then up to North Austin or down 35 to San Antonio. . . . You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. . . .

And that, I think, was the handle—that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting—on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. . . .

So now, less than twenty years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Austin  and look East, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark—that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back for the tide."

-bastardized quote by Hunter S. HOOKEM4

Edited by HOOKEM4
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ChiTownDoc

ChiTownDoc 21154

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1 hour ago, closetojumping said:

Texas has spent the better part of the last 12 years getting sand kicked in its face and told it isn't good enough, or it isn't back, or its boosters are meanies holding down the program or that Austin is a cesspool.

You name the kind of derisive, condescending shit-talking someone in the media, or representative of another fanbase, or even writing as a UT reporter but needing to pay off gambling or IRS debts, could say about the Texas football program, and it has been said. 

This all started on the evening of January 7th, 2010, just after that dirty, impish grandmother molesting Nick Saban sacrificed what is rumored to be a live chicken and a dead rhino to Lamashtu The Eraser, in exchange for the greatest dynastic run in CFB history, beginning with the immediate demise of Texas via an early injury to its star QB and leader, Colt McCoy. 

Twelves Years a Knave is a run too long for any blue blood program to endure. It all ends this weekend, right where it started, in front of God, Country, Longhorn Nation, all of US sports media, and that dark, tiny ankle-biter himself, Nick Saban. 

"But closetojumping, Alabama is the #1 team in the country!! They’re a juggernaut!"

Yeah, yeah, I get it. Alabama is 10 feet tall and shoots lightning bolts from its arse. They're favored by 20.5 points on the road. Right.

It’s true, when you look at what Bama does on the road against non-conference opponents, it’s quite intimidating. I think we all remember the last time they went on the road into unfriendly non-SEC confines in the year … (checks notes) … 2011.

That’s right, Bama hasn’t played a legitimate non-conference game on the road since 2011. That means there are like 4 people currently involved with the program who have actually been a part of Bama going into unfamiliar territory with an overwhelmingly hostile crowd and no “gentleman’s agreement” creature comforts. In fact, in Saban’s entire 15 year tenure, Bama has gone on the road OOC exactly twice – against the mighty Duke Blue Devils in 2010 (62-13) and to Happy Valley in 2011 (27-11) while the PSU child molestation scandal was roiling under the surface within the football program.

For all of the SEC tough talk about what brutal opponents they are to the outside world, they’re a generally inward-looking and thinking collection of programs and people, and Bama is no different. Hell, the last two times they played Big 12 opponents, they didn’t exactly run them out of the buildings on neutral sites – WVU 2014 (33-23) and OU 2018 (45-34).

But, hey, maybe that is all ancient history and Alabama is lately a rolling ball of butcherknives when it comes to real road games, right? Let’s look at how largely the same team playing this weekend did in 2021. They played road games against UF (31-29), ATM (38-41), MSU (49-9), and Auburn (24-22 in quadruple OT).

The Miss State game was the week after they shit themselves on the road against ATM. The other 3 games involved a mediocre UF team going for 2 to tie it late, ATM embarrassing them for 60 minutes, and Auburn’s Tank Bigsby going out of bounds like an imbecile to giftwrap a Bama comeback to tie a game that Auburn dominated. Does Texas face the team that lost to ATM the last time they were in Texas, or the team that rolled a hapless MSU the following week?

“But CTJ, Texas lacks the talent to keep up with the Bama Machine!!??!”

For the first time in a very long time, Texas will be going up against an elite team and will not have a major talent gap at multiple positions by comparison. In fact, Texas has more starting talent than Bama at multiple positions going into this game.

1)     Bama’s OL is an untested pile of poo. They are going to gargle our collective balls after being left in a state of rubble by the “greatest OL coaching hire in college history”, Doug Marrone. Anyone who watched them against Utah State witnessed the OL struggling to get push against the USU front seven. Bama’s leading rusher in the game was Bryce Young and that isn’t a result of either Young being an amazing scrambler or Bama taking it easy with their TBs against the G5 program. Texas’ DL will face more complete OLs this season than the one they face on Saturday.

2)     Bama’s WRs and TEs should scare no one. This isn’t 2019. Bama hasn’t had this weak a group of TEs in over a decade, and that’s even if Latu plays. The WRs aren’t substantially more formidable. Burton is fine, but he’s not keeping anyone awake at night. Prentice looks good but he’s not Waddle. After that, shit gets dicey.

3)     The defensive line for Alabama isn’t up to its usual snuff. The 3 interior DL positions are manned by big bodies, but also guys that haven’t gone pro yet because they weren’t good enough to do so. By Bama standards, that should give every opponent some upside in expectations. Of course their outside guys, Anderson and Turner, are all anyone on this board wants to shit themselves over, but they’re two guys. The interior doesn’t command a double team, so energy can be focused in supporting the outside.

4)     Texas has elite talent at TB, WR, and TE. It has potentially elite talent at QB, OT, and OG. Sarkisian is one of the best offensive playcallers in football. He has the talent and depth at key positions which will enable him to create interesting match-ups even for a talented defense like Bama.

5)     Bill O’Brien is a meatheaded asshole chugger. BOB is in the process of doing what he does. He’ll continue to degrade his unit on a yearly basis until there is simply nothing left. Saban won’t allow for that, but he’s let him stay on another year after sniffing around in the market and not liking his other options. That serves to our benefit, as we should expect turtled playcalling and a general lack of creativity. For a defense still trying to find reliable footing, O’Brien is the ideal OC at a place like Bama for Texas to face.

“closetojumping, these guys are SEC! SEC! SEC! and I am not sure our stadium can handle their ferocity!?!”

The last time a “greatest team ever” from the SEC marched into the confines of DKR, Texas was a dropped touchdown pass via a gimpy and weak-willed Keontay Ingram away from ruining their plans.

As mentioned earlier, this is a program that is unused to walking into a foreign, angry fanbase 100,000+ strong and hell bent on turning the tide of 12 Years a Knave, bestowed upon us by their dark lord of a head coach in the first place. I don’t expect Bama to cringe or crumple under the pressure, but I do expect them to be at an inherent disadvantage. I also don’t expect to see many Alabama fans in attendance, simply because most of them have to work in the service industry on weekends and these tickets and Austin travel are also quite expensive for a base of largely minimum wage workers.

Also, we’re fucking due. Storied programs are forged and burnished by deliverance when the spotlight and sun burn brightest. Our time for ascension is here, goddammit, and it is long overdue time for Nick Saban and his waterheaded following of fucktards to go to hell and give the rest of college football some fucking space to breathe.

I believe the great Texas freedom fighter Davey Crockett said it best, specifically thinking about the cowering brethren he was leaving behind as he headed out when he said: “Alabama Fans and the rest of these God forsaken SEC mouthbreathers can actually all go to hell. As for us, we’re going with Texas – 34-31. “

Hook’em

 

I'm a dumbfuck so take it with a grain of salt, but I'm impressed.  So maybe...that's a bad thing.  Either way, amazing write up with actual good points favoring UT.   Gimme more on +800!

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SA-KC_Horn

SA-KC_Horn 1295

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23 minutes ago, Chuckie Finster said:

Bama's run of dominance began by beating a Longhorn Freshman QB from a Texas high school powerhouse who wore #3.

Texas Smells Repeat Title Game? Make it so, Mr. Simms Gilbert Applewhite - Sports - The Austin Chronicle

You already know how it ends.

Texas quarterback Quinn Ewers stunned by bad news after winning season opener | Fox News

What are the fucking odds. It must be a sign from the football gawds. Trading in Squints for a Drippy mullet.

quantum leap body GIF

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hookemATL

hookemATL 11736

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14 minutes ago, Helobious said:

I’ve always viewed ctj as a very well-spoken, cerebral dimwit, but fuck if he didn’t actually bring up some great points here. I’m on board. I don’t know that I’m on board for an upset but there’s just no way this game is going to be decided by more than one possession. Texas to cover is free money. 

Annnnnnnnnnd now we’re fucked. 

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Atticus

Atticus 3973

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, closetojumping said:

 

I believe the great Texas freedom fighter Davey Crockett said it best, specifically thinking about the cowering brethren he was leaving behind as he headed out when he said: “Alabama Fans and the rest of these God forsaken SEC mouthbreathers can actually all go to hell. As for us, we’re going with Texas – 34-31. “

Hook’em

 

Hear hear

I invoked the Davy Crockett saying wrt this game earlier today which made this even better

Well done

Edited by Atticus
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F250

F250 28777

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Posted
2 hours ago, closetojumping said:

Texas has spent the better part of the last 12 years getting sand kicked in its face and told it isn't good enough, or it isn't back, or its boosters are meanies holding down the program or that Austin is a cesspool.

You name the kind of derisive, condescending shit-talking someone in the media, or representative of another fanbase, or even writing as a UT reporter but needing to pay off gambling or IRS debts, could say about the Texas football program, and it has been said. 

This all started on the evening of January 7th, 2010, just after that dirty, impish grandmother molesting Nick Saban sacrificed what is rumored to be a live chicken and a dead rhino to Lamashtu The Eraser, in exchange for the greatest dynastic run in CFB history, beginning with the immediate demise of Texas via an early injury to its star QB and leader, Colt McCoy. 

Twelves Years a Knave is a run too long for any blue blood program to endure. It all ends this weekend, right where it started, in front of God, Country, Longhorn Nation, all of US sports media, and that dark, tiny ankle-biter himself, Nick Saban. 

"But closetojumping, Alabama is the #1 team in the country!! They’re a juggernaut!"

Yeah, yeah, I get it. Alabama is 10 feet tall and shoots lightning bolts from its arse. They're favored by 20.5 points on the road. Right.

It’s true, when you look at what Bama does on the road against non-conference opponents, it’s quite intimidating. I think we all remember the last time they went on the road into unfriendly non-SEC confines in the year … (checks notes) … 2011.

That’s right, Bama hasn’t played a legitimate non-conference game on the road since 2011. That means there are like 4 people currently involved with the program who have actually been a part of Bama going into unfamiliar territory with an overwhelmingly hostile crowd and no “gentleman’s agreement” creature comforts. In fact, in Saban’s entire 15 year tenure, Bama has gone on the road OOC exactly twice – against the mighty Duke Blue Devils in 2010 (62-13) and to Happy Valley in 2011 (27-11) while the PSU child molestation scandal was roiling under the surface within the football program.

For all of the SEC tough talk about what brutal opponents they are to the outside world, they’re a generally inward-looking and thinking collection of programs and people, and Bama is no different. Hell, the last two times they played Big 12 opponents, they didn’t exactly run them out of the buildings on neutral sites – WVU 2014 (33-23) and OU 2018 (45-34).

But, hey, maybe that is all ancient history and Alabama is lately a rolling ball of butcherknives when it comes to real road games, right? Let’s look at how largely the same team playing this weekend did in 2021. They played road games against UF (31-29), ATM (38-41), MSU (49-9), and Auburn (24-22 in quadruple OT).

The Miss State game was the week after they shit themselves on the road against ATM. The other 3 games involved a mediocre UF team going for 2 to tie it late, ATM embarrassing them for 60 minutes, and Auburn’s Tank Bigsby going out of bounds like an imbecile to giftwrap a Bama comeback to tie a game that Auburn dominated. Does Texas face the team that lost to ATM the last time they were in Texas, or the team that rolled a hapless MSU the following week?

“But CTJ, Texas lacks the talent to keep up with the Bama Machine!!??!”

For the first time in a very long time, Texas will be going up against an elite team and will not have a major talent gap at multiple positions by comparison. In fact, Texas has more starting talent than Bama at multiple positions going into this game.

1)     Bama’s OL is an untested pile of poo. They are going to gargle our collective balls after being left in a state of rubble by the “greatest OL coaching hire in college history”, Doug Marrone. Anyone who watched them against Utah State witnessed the OL struggling to get push against the USU front seven. Bama’s leading rusher in the game was Bryce Young and that isn’t a result of either Young being an amazing scrambler or Bama taking it easy with their TBs against the G5 program. Texas’ DL will face more complete OLs this season than the one they face on Saturday.

2)     Bama’s WRs and TEs should scare no one. This isn’t 2019. Bama hasn’t had this weak a group of TEs in over a decade, and that’s even if Latu plays. The WRs aren’t substantially more formidable. Burton is fine, but he’s not keeping anyone awake at night. Prentice looks good but he’s not Waddle. After that, shit gets dicey.

3)     The defensive line for Alabama isn’t up to its usual snuff. The 3 interior DL positions are manned by big bodies, but also guys that haven’t gone pro yet because they weren’t good enough to do so. By Bama standards, that should give every opponent some upside in expectations. Of course their outside guys, Anderson and Turner, are all anyone on this board wants to shit themselves over, but they’re two guys. The interior doesn’t command a double team, so energy can be focused in supporting the outside.

4)     Texas has elite talent at TB, WR, and TE. It has potentially elite talent at QB, OT, and OG. Sarkisian is one of the best offensive playcallers in football. He has the talent and depth at key positions which will enable him to create interesting match-ups even for a talented defense like Bama.

5)     Bill O’Brien is a meatheaded asshole chugger. BOB is in the process of doing what he does. He’ll continue to degrade his unit on a yearly basis until there is simply nothing left. Saban won’t allow for that, but he’s let him stay on another year after sniffing around in the market and not liking his other options. That serves to our benefit, as we should expect turtled playcalling and a general lack of creativity. For a defense still trying to find reliable footing, O’Brien is the ideal OC at a place like Bama for Texas to face.

“closetojumping, these guys are SEC! SEC! SEC! and I am not sure our stadium can handle their ferocity!?!”

The last time a “greatest team ever” from the SEC marched into the confines of DKR, Texas was a dropped touchdown pass via a gimpy and weak-willed Keontay Ingram away from ruining their plans.

As mentioned earlier, this is a program that is unused to walking into a foreign, angry fanbase 100,000+ strong and hell bent on turning the tide of 12 Years a Knave, bestowed upon us by their dark lord of a head coach in the first place. I don’t expect Bama to cringe or crumple under the pressure, but I do expect them to be at an inherent disadvantage. I also don’t expect to see many Alabama fans in attendance, simply because most of them have to work in the service industry on weekends and these tickets and Austin travel are also quite expensive for a base of largely minimum wage workers.

Also, we’re fucking due. Storied programs are forged and burnished by deliverance when the spotlight and sun burn brightest. Our time for ascension is here, goddammit, and it is long overdue time for Nick Saban and his waterheaded following of fucktards to go to hell and give the rest of college football some fucking space to breathe.

I believe the great Texas freedom fighter Davey Crockett said it best, specifically thinking about the cowering brethren he was leaving behind as he headed out when he said: “Alabama Fans and the rest of these God forsaken SEC mouthbreathers can actually all go to hell. As for us, we’re going with Texas – 34-31. “

Hook’em

 

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DalTxHornFan

DalTxHornFan 3101

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Posted
2 hours ago, Lidig8r said:

Gentlemen ... let us go back 40 years in time ... to the 1982 Cotton Bowl.

6th ranked Texas boasted a 9-1-1 record. And yet, we were the underdogs in that game.

The team we played boasted a 9-1-1 record and were ranked No. 3. They held outside hopes of being voted the national champions. They needed No. 2 ranked Georgia to lose in the Sugar Bowl to Pittsburgh.  Which happened.  And then, No. 1 ranked Clumpson to lose to Nebraska in the Orange Bowl.

The team we played in the Cotton Bowl had much to play for. The last game of the season against Allbarn, this time gave its head coach his 315th victory breaking the record held by Amos Alonzo Stagg. The game was called by the immortal Lindsey Nelson and ...Roger Staubach.

Trailing 10 - 0 in the 4th quarter, Texas rallied for two 4th quarter touchdowns to eventually win the game ... 14 - 12.

That team ... Alabama.

Alabama's dynasty began when Colt was injured.

Symmetry Gentlemen. Symmetry. 

It is time.  

It needed to be in the perfect place .. at the perfect time.

That time is Saturday.

The last game that Bear Bryant coached was the loss to Texas in that Cotton Bowl.  Just saying ...

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