Words & Phrases that make you chuckle every time

[Trey3216 15352]

On 6/8/2018 at 2:19 PM, Buck Strickland said:

They are fucked up like a soup sandwich.

 

We had a drunken Sunday afternoon one day and came up with some similar ones to the ol’ soup sandwich and football bat:

fucked up like a surf sword, like chips & chocolate, like orange juice and cookies, and on and on.  Can’t remember some of them for obvious reasons. 

[SquishMitten 10425]

Like Trey and cool stories

[LongestHorn 759]

suffering succotash 

bitching Camaros

Edited June 11, 2018 by LongestHorn
anthropomorphisms

[skipperj 377]

Everytime I see a Camaro, I call it bitchin’ and wonder if they are driving to the shore. After the drive from the Bahamas, of course.

[Prepuce of Doom 21101]

The Bahamas are islands. 

[Doze 1322]

We don't have french benefits?

[bernorange 8363]

On 6/8/2018 at 9:57 PM, ernest_t_bass said:

Not sure if he's still here, but on shaggy bevo/texas, the poster referred to as "Numbers" who had some random numbers as his user name.  Every time he was called "numbers" I laughed my ass off.

The numbers weren't random.  They were the telephone dial equivalent of his previous username.  But, yeah, it was funny when folks referred to him as numbers - like some old Dick Tracy villain.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

SEE:  The Jimmy thread for complete list

[Moriarty 16]

shit tickets

slicker than cum on a gold tooth

[ctrl+alt+del 4]

Knife is so dull you could ride it to town.

As poor as depression soup.

He looks like he was in the outhouse when the lightning struck.

So skinny his pajamas only have one stripe.

 

[luke duke 6414]

Everytime I see a Camaro, I call it bitchin’ and wonder if they are driving to the shore. After the drive from the Bahamas, of course.

Is the trip to the Bahamas before or after they take the retards to the zoo?

[llanoflash 151]

This knife is as dull as your personality 

[llanoflash 151]

I’ve seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that were better organized than this 

[Equinox 95]

20 hours ago, LongestHorn said:

sthuffering sthuccotash 

bitching Camaros

fify

[Equinox 95]

Y'all are the ones fucking this dog. I'm just holding the tail.

[Planet Houston 4930]

[Insert some sort of awful-sounding activity, perhaps suggested by your wife.]

I’d rather put my nuts on an anvil and smash them with a sledgehammer. 

[smuggs 9353]

"Butt Doctor"

My wife and I were talking about the father of one of our daughter's classmates. Dude's an oddball. I asked if he was a doctor and she said, "Yeah, he's either a foot doctor or a butt doctor - I'm not sure which."

 

 

[BigDHornfan 6549]

Muledick

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

19 minutes ago, Thujone said:

Guy I go mountain biking with likes to claim he's not cheap by saying "Hell, I'd pay $30 to watch bugs fuck."

He says it at least once a day.

Avatar seems appropriate. 

[TexasHooch 5138]

Snot Rocket

Shits and Giggles

Waste of Flesh (as an insult)

[Don Keibals 113]

titter

[Ogie Ogilthorpe 639]

Pm derka

[SquishMitten 10425]

I’m cheap, but I’d pay $30 to watch two girl bugs fuck

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

12 minutes ago, SquishMitten said:

I’m cheap, but I’d pay $30 to watch two girl bugs fuck

 

I accept PayPal.

[Doze 1322]

Damn, we're in a tight spot.

[Jkwellborn 6724]

It will depend on the context. Sheeple isn’t really funny most places. Particularly when you are talking about people being like a herd of sheep in their thinking. However, at work, sheeple is pretty damn funny. An ex coworker swore up and down you could get sheep knocked up and make them.

[BearCountry11 1234]

Moist 

[Mileslong 4728]

It’s so hot I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog down the street...

 

It’s so hot I saw a chicken pulling a worm out of the ground and it was using potholders...

[Superhero 8834]

Bolt ons

[BlueGreySky 1028]

he's dumber than a sack of doorknobs. 

[orange dream 1256]

Wilder than a two peckered billy goat

colder than a witches tit in  brass bra

like two rats screwin' in wool sock

tryin' to squeeze 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack

like a cow pissin' on  a flat rock

you could screw up a one man rock fight

you could screw up a wetdream

busier than a 1-legged man in a buttkickin' contest

lookin' like they farted in church

76-37-5

[CycleTex87 2981]

25 minutes ago, orange dream said:

76-37-5

Always good for a laugh

[Lone Star Horn 2018]

On 6/13/2018 at 4:03 PM, orange dream said:

like a cow pissin' on  a flat rock

I'd always heard it as

"raining harder than a two cunt calf pissin' on a flat rock"

[Buffsoldier 1895]

She was built when meat was cheap.

[luke duke 6414]

10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound sack

I used the phrase last week to describe a large woman in yoga pants.

[frog 30]

Any time someone someone says "do do" in a sentence (ie -- "We don't do that per the policy, but we do do our best to consider exceptions.").

[The Golden Hat 301]

 

[You don't know me 1161]

We were driving from Waynesville, MO toward St Louis a few weeks ago and decided to stop at the Uranus Fudge Factory.  We've seen the signs hundreds of times but never stopped.  When you first walk in all of the employees yell "Welcome to Uranus!".

When we checked out, the cashier yells out "Thank you for picking Uranus!".  I giggled.

[TrashMaster G 17589]

Twat waffle

[lateshow 1305]

On 6/16/2018 at 9:34 PM, Lone Star Horn said:

I'd always heard it as

"raining harder than a two cunt calf pissin' on a flat rock"

Raining like pouring piss out of a boot. 

You could fuck up a steely ball with a rubber hammer. 

[tx ind 7013]

2 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Twat waffle

Waffle stomp

[Macanudo 13009]

Steely eyed missile man.

What is your major malfunction, numbnuts

Then it got weird.

We can do that.   we dont even have to have a reason.

Poop

[tfoolry 8230]

Jism

[GoPokes83 2240]

Weiner

[Sbbruin 21866]

[NastyDreams 11]

Struggling; like a possom trying to pass a peach pit

Golf; pasture pool

When I finish with her it'll look like a cow stepped in a mudhole

Edited June 19, 2018 by NastyDreams

[Mileslong 4728]

Closing in on three pages and no one has offered up...

Poontang?

If I'm I'm gonna get my balls blown off half way around the world for a word, my word is Poontang.

 

I use poontang the following way:

 

I will ask someone if poontang is one word or two, I tell them I’m asking because trying I’m trying to finish my ChristianMingle dating profile...

[TwiceHorn 31529]

____________________________ (minority or other group/individual) would steal the horns off a billy goat.

[msucolt45 4064]

No Ragrets


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[BayouBill 835]

"Famous last words"...usually following something along the lines of "yeah, that's prolly good enough"