Goofy shit you thought as a kid...

[Wally Fairway 5541]

21 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

We would have flying cars by now.

"Everyone will have one in the next 5-7 years."

That has been predicted since the 1950's, maybe earlier. 

[shakahorn 1645]

3 minutes ago, 'stache said:

...

That the Texas Rangers represented all of Texas and played everywhere in Texas.

...

Being a rabid baseball fan but not from Texas, I thought the law enforcement agency took their name from the baseball team.  In fairness to me, I had never heard of the law enforcement Rangers until after the Senators moved to Arlington.

[markstanco 12571]

I thought Mr. Clean looked like a pretty strong dude, so I drank some. 

[Wally Fairway 5541]

When I was a kid, and listened to baseball games on the radio, Ernie Harwell has a schtick where he would say that foul ball was caught by a young man from East Lansing (or any of 100 other towns). And I thought he had a seating chart of Tiger Stadium and knew where each ticket had been sold.In my defense, when I was a kid, we would get tickets from the service counter from the Sears store, and they had maybe 20-25 tickets and they were the same seats for every game. And if you didn't buy them a week before the game, then you had to go and hope to buy tickets at the stadium. 

I never understood why they had signs that had a speed limit; it was obvious those sign were wrong because my Dad drove much faster than those signs limited it to. 

[Ojo Rojo 1955]

I thought a woman could only get pregnant during her period.  But, noooooooo, it's got to be some ambiguous secret time in between periods when it's virtually impossible to tell.

[BayouBill 835]

I thought Saddam Hussein was about to come fuck us all up here in America

[seven 1367]

My grandma told me spaghetti grew in shallow ocean water and I believed that for way too long 

[Prepuce of Doom 21053]

After reading this thread, there's one thing I think we can all agree on - that lying to children is awesome. 

[Dennis Taylor 18809]

Pop Rocks + Coke = Death 

[ocugolf 1214]

I thought on the radio they were talking about the Wind Shield Temperature instead of Wind Chill..... 

[nnm 36352]

That La Llorona was actually out in the arroyos, wailing and listening for crying children so she could come take them to replace her lost children. 
 

That we would all be dead soon from a nuclear war (mentioned above). 
 

That a nerdy, short dude was the coolest guy on the planet (Fonz). 
 

That eating spinach grew muscles. 
 

That McGovern was our man (mom and dad had a touch of the hippie, I remember chanting “McGovern, McGovern, he’s our man. Let’s throw Nixon in the garbage can!”). 
 

That the imminent, predicted next ice age was going to kill half the population.

That the population bomb was going to lead to massive food shortages, starving half the population. 
 

That we’d be out of oil and gas globally by 1985. 

Edited October 11, 2022 by nnm

[Baboontyme 2809]

1 hour ago, Wally Fairway said:

When I was a kid, and listened to baseball games on the radio, Ernie Harwell has a schtick where he would say that foul ball was caught by a young man from East Lansing (or any of 100 other towns). And I thought he had a seating chart of Tiger Stadium and knew where each ticket had been sold.In my defense, when I was a kid, we would get tickets from the service counter from the Sears store, and they had maybe 20-25 tickets and they were the same seats for every game. And if you didn't buy them a week before the game, then you had to go and hope to buy tickets at the stadium. 

That and why did everyone boo when Whitaker came up to bat. 

[TwiceHorn 31440]

When I was about 6, we had a tornado pass pretty close to the house.  It twisted some tree limbs on their axes (that's still weird to me), and deposited some letters from signs at a nearby shopping center in the vicinity.

I thought a tornado was some kind of animal for a while.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

1 hour ago, 'stache said:

I thought mommies got pregnant from kissing boys (thank my hardcore repressed catholic upbringing for that one).

I asked my dad if we could stop by the baseball card shop because it had a "Now Open" sign and didn't believe him when he explained to me that it was actually closed at that particular moment.

Same with drinking and driving, thought it was any type of drink.

Was totally confused that Nancy Reagan was telling us that drugs were bad but we frequented the local drug store.

That the Texas Rangers represented all of Texas and played everywhere in Texas.

That sports teams were owned by their cities (I couldn't understand how the Oilers could just move somewhere else).

That the Dallas Cowboys were always the best team and always would be the best team.

Fuck Bud Adams 

[Jerry Callo 8699]

1 hour ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Pop Rocks + Coke = Death 

That's true.  Look what happened to Mikey.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

1 hour ago, Wally Fairway said:

"Everyone will have one in the next 5-7 years."

That has been predicted since the 1950's, maybe earlier. 

We'll have flying cars before fully automated driving Teslas

[NeverMarryAStripper 21875]

Yes, but when will we have fully automated flying cars?

[Horn_Spanker 524]

A TV public service ad said "Don't mix Alcohol and Gunpowder"

So, of course I was cutting up shotgun shells and sneaking gin out of the cabinet (for science).

Mixed it and nothing, so disappointed!

[High Plains Drifter 11032]

5 hours ago, Amos Moses said:

I used to think:

That it was “bob” wire
That knowing was indeed half the battle
That water proof shoes kept my socks dry
That Eric Metcalf was the best football player I’d ever see
That the Spurs and Astros would never win it all
That Hickory Farms summer sausage was delicious
That you can never eat too much homemade big red ice cream
That riding in the back of grandpa’s truck as he swerved curb to curb was fun
That my camouflage hat with neck flaps was awesome
That the best way to spend a late summer afternoon was a swim in the creek after chasing armadillos with my brothers and the dog

 

at least four of those are true.

 

Here's mine: Once on an old episode of star trek, Spock said something like "Approximately 2.356 seconds to impact". I thought for years that "approximately" meant "exactly".

 

[High Plains Drifter 11032]

 

When my daughter was young, we had our dog put down, and I buried her (the dog, not the daughter) in the backyard. A few months later she asked who my daddy was, and I explained that he had died long before she was born. She asked to go see his grave, and I explained that he was buried far away, too far to go to now, but maybe one day I'll take her to see it. She looked confused and asked why wasn't he buried in the back yard like he was supposed to be.

 

 

[High Plains Drifter 11032]

5 hours ago, markstanco said:

I thought Mr. Clean looked like a pretty strong dude, so I drank some. 

 

Explains a lot.

 

[Underdog 28581]

5 hours ago, 'stache said:

That the Dallas Cowboys were always the best team and always would be the best team.

[Mo Horn 8831]

We were living in Texas and somebody drove from another state to see us. I was riding in their car and asked them to turn on the radio so I could listen to a radio station from their state. 

[Superhero 8828]

On 10/10/2022 at 6:10 PM, Chris Dishman's Donut said:

Street lights were turned on & off by a dwarf that slept in the housing.

 

And gnomes stole your underwear at night?

[SHOOTER12 8800]

On 10/10/2022 at 9:59 PM, ScottS said:

I distinctly remembering asking my dad when I was a child if he remembered the first day that was in color.

Need to ask AB about that.

[SHOOTER12 8800]

14 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

I thought we would all die in a nuclear holocaust.

Wait....

Yep, I still believe that one, although I don't believe in drop and cover since last year...

[Superhero 8828]

I used to think if you swallowed gum, it would somehow get in your abdomen and tangle all of your organs.

[bolverk 29655]

I was convinced that football players would wear jet packs in the future as part of the game.

After watching a matinee of "The China Syndrome" at the downtown Ritz Theater, I actually thought a nuclear meltdown could go all the way down through to China. So, like a poster said above, I thought I'd give digging a hole to China a go myself but with the added bonus of it serving as a bomb shelter.

My parents' place was sort of along a ridge and behind our back yard was a drop off...maybe a 45 degree angle that went a good ways down to the alley. So, I thought I'd give it a start near the top and dig horizontally before beginning the descent. It was that fairly loose, sandy loam, soft West Texas soil so I actually made pretty good progress over a couple days and basically dug out a three foot cave that my 8yo body could crawl in.

Unfortunately, I dug it too close to the flat top of the ridge so the whole thing caved in on me, but I was able to get out of all the dirt clods pretty easily. Fortunately, I didn't start my hole further down the slope and get suffocated when the inevitable collapse would've occurred.

 

[Longhornstampede 3181]

On 10/10/2022 at 8:10 PM, Chris Dishman's Donut said:

Street lights were turned on & off by a dwarf that slept in the housing.

 

 

It was a leprechaun! 

[52-80 19147]

2 hours ago, Superhero said:

I used to think if you swallowed gum, it would somehow get in your abdomen and tangle all of your organs.

My sister scared us with that one

[Sam Lin 3551]

I thought Caffeine Free on a soda can meant you got some free caffeine, but I could never figure out where it was in the package or how you were supposed to request it.

[stc 1460]

the mailman in the white truck brought our mail, so the UPS guy in the brown truck must be the one who delivers blackmail. 

[Litig8r 414]

swimming within 30 minutes of eating was a sure way to drown.  

[52-80 19147]

I thought this drop-down button listed every website available on the web

 

It was at the public library and we only had 15 minute blocks on the few computers with graphical WWW access.  but the text-only browser (Lynx?) was freely available so i learned how to navigate around www.nintendo.com that way

[Spankytoes 1739]

That ducking under my desk, and covering my head with my arms, was an effective defense from a Soviet nuclear attack

[Elvis 3371]

We went to this small church that was super evangelical Christian.  Slain in the spirit and talking in toungs and all that mumbo jumbo.  Along with that came the belief that angels were real and all around us all the time,  but so were DEMONS!  You had to have the Lord's name at the tip of your tounge all the tie to rebuke them and save your sorry ass.

Well some neighbor kids told me about Bloody Mary.  The one where you turn off all the lights in front of a mirror and say her name 3 times and she will pop out of the mirror and kill you.

I didn't clothes my eyes (let alone turn off the lights) in the bathroom for years.  I washed my hair with my eyes open.  I was freaked out.  Thanks a lot Pastor Estes and all of the youth pastors.  It reminds me of Righteous Gemstones.  Oh yeah, flickering light bulbs meant a demon was in the room too.

[shakahorn 1645]

2 hours ago, Litig8r said:

swimming within 30 minutes of eating was a sure way to drown.  

About 8 years old, went swimming once with a buddy right after eating and he barfed.  For a few years after, I was convinced of the 30 minute rule.  Turned out he was just the kid who barfed all the time.

['stache 21797]

I barfed on an elementary field trip and my mom said it was because I drank out of town tap water. I spent at least the next 10 years thinking that drinking tap water anywhere other than home would make me puke. 

[mininghorn88 2277]

At an early age I was confused that when we drove while it was raining that we were always driving "into" the rain but when we would stop then there were times when the rain would be blowing in a different direction.

[Chris Dishman's Donut 192]

Was well into elementary school before realizing the eagle facing to the right wasn't a woodpecker facing left.

[YGIFS 19449]

On 10/11/2022 at 11:53 AM, markstanco said:

I thought Mr. Clean looked like a pretty strong dude, so I drank some. 

Well hey, at least it kept you from getting Covid

Reading some of y'all's goofy shit, makes me wonder how all our dads conspired to tell us this shit decades before the internet.  I can identify with about half of it.  How did these myths make it around the country so well?  

I thought just like we could see everybody in the stands at a sporting event on TV...so too I thought there was thousands and millions of tiny screens above the roofline which showed all of us at home.  So I was freaked out they could see me picking my nose.  When we finally made it Wrigley later in my youth, I was bummed out it was just blue sky up there.  

Later on in 4th or 5th grade social studies when they'd give you those one-pagers on a new country each week.  And you'd learn when it became a country, what language they spoke, the capital city, etc.  And there'd be a box that showed what their major exports were (grain, timber, metals, etc.).  Well I was absent the first day when they taught us how to read those nation profiles.  So I get to class the next day or week or whatever and I just assumed "textiles" were tiles for roofs or floors.  Nobody ever corrected me, not even on a test.  It wasn't until literally college that I found out textiles were clothing or fabrics.  I also used the word "incantation" for "incarnation" for decades, so what the fuck do I know? 

[Guest]

Man, that reminds me of missing a day of school and coming back feeling like you were gone a week. There'd be stuff weeks later that everyone seemed to know because they went over it that day you were out.

[After irth 1243]

2 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Well hey, at least it kept you from getting Covid

Reading some of y'all's goofy shit, makes me wonder how all our dads conspired to tell us this shit decades before the internet.  I can identify with about half of it.  How did these myths make it around the country so well?  

I thought just like we could see everybody in the stands at a sporting event on TV...so too I thought there was thousands and millions of tiny screens above the roofline which showed all of us at home.  So I was freaked out they could see me picking my nose.  When we finally made it Wrigley later in my youth, I was bummed out it was just blue sky up there.  

Later on in 4th or 5th grade social studies when they'd give you those one-pagers on a new country each week.  And you'd learn when it became a country, what language they spoke, the capital city, etc.  And there'd be a box that showed what their major exports were (grain, timber, metals, etc.).  Well I was absent the first day when they taught us how to read those nation profiles.  So I get to class the next day or week or whatever and I just assumed "textiles" were tiles for roofs or floors.  Nobody ever corrected me, not even on a test.  It wasn't until literally college that I found out textiles were clothing or fabrics.  I also used the word "incantation" for "incarnation" for decades, so what the fuck do I know? 

Do you find yourself frequently using the word “incarnation” in a sentence?

Edited October 12, 2022 by After irth

[Pokoloco 1279]

My mom was a bit of a smartass.   When we would get something new in the house and I asked where it came from,  her answer would always be-"there was a man on the corner, he said 'psst, hey lady, you want this?'.  I believed her every time.  She also had a change jar in the glove box (turns out it was for tolls) I asked what it was for she said it was my college fund and laughed.  I really thought it was. ☹️

[Pokoloco 1279]

On 10/11/2022 at 12:57 PM, nnm said:

That eating spinach grew muscles. 

How many kids got their ass kicked thinking this worked. Big spinach got rich off lies!!!!

[SHOOTER12 8800]

6 hours ago, Litig8r said:

swimming within 30 minutes of eating was a sure way to drown.  

Yep, those damned cramps would take you down. 

[YGIFS 19449]

1 hour ago, After irth said:

Do you find yourself frequently using the word “incarnation” in a sentence?

Only when writing ad copy for our fantastic instant breakfast.  Damn, I miss that job.  

[Braff Zacklin 13553]

On 10/11/2022 at 12:11 PM, TwiceHorn said:

I thought a tornado was some kind of animal for a while.

It is.

[Par4 146]

Terrified of Bigfoot. Probably started when he made an appearance on The Six Million Dollar Man, but I also remember a documentary that was on TV. I asked my Dad how long it would take Bigfoot to walk from Washington state to Austin. I would have a nightmare and crawl to my parents room under the windows so he wouldn't see me. Five year olds imaginations are pretty intense. 

 

[Bullneck 19073]

On 10/10/2022 at 3:20 PM, FirstTimeCaller said:

I head about someone getting fired when I was a kid and thought that literally meant they were set on fire. 

My grandfather told me about how he had to fire someone.  I thought you fired someone by screaming "YOU'RE FIRED" while chomping on a cigar like in the Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Also, the references to "the Donzerlie light" in the Star Spangled Banner.  Like it was a special light with a Fresnel lens or something.