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ALDS Yankees vs Guardians

Helobious

By Helobious
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YGIFS

YGIFS 19453

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, shadow_operative2.0 said:

Shut up, Cruiser. 

you hurt yourself connecting those dots after myself and number other posters, months ago, made the same connection? 

FUCK THE YANKEES.  Worst fucking fans in pro sports.  The Oklahoma Sooners of baseball.  They are going to lose to Cleveland.  All that money buys a wonderful slice of mediocrity.  

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Helobious

Helobious 9505

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8 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

you hurt yourself connecting those dots after myself and number other posters, months ago, made the same connection? 

FUCK THE YANKEES.  Worst fucking fans in pro sports.  The Oklahoma Sooners of baseball.  They are going to lose to Cleveland.  All that money buys a wonderful slice of mediocrity.  

Your team has Myles Straw on it. Enough said. Win or lose I hope that short little pussy bitch pulls an o-fer tonight. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19453

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My team?  I'm just pulling for Cleveland because my old as hell uncle used to play in their farm system and he's been holding on to die until they win a Series.  I don't actively follow teams I live several states away from, unlike Yankee fans.  Had no idea who Straw is, but just look him up---holy shit...what an overpaid assclown.  255 career strikeouts for 5 homers?  I guess he steals some bases and decent glove, but .635 OPS for $9mm/year?  

2 minutes ago, shadow_operative2.0 said:

He doesn’t have a team. It’s fucking Cruiser/Lobo/stupid fuck. That dumb mother fucker tries to sell a parking pass to feed his habit. 

People sell parking passes sometimes.  I gave it to Mac for free though.  Thanks for your concern.  Fuck the Yankees.  Sorry for whatever I did to you, making amends is tough.

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19453

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13 minutes ago, shadow_operative2.0 said:

No, I’ve made fun of you since you regrettably came back, fucking imbecile. It ain’t new. 

I haven't seen an adult use the phrase "Made fun of..." in a long time.  you are precious.  An absolute delight.  Also, the parking pass is not available any longer.  Mac used it this weekend and dropped it back by my home.  Which you're welcome to visit  so you can, you know..."Make fun of me"

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Scraps

Scraps 13598

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11 minutes ago, Helobious said:

Your team has Myles Straw on it. Enough said. Win or lose I hope that short little pussy bitch pulls an o-fer tonight. 

So does this mean I should actually make the dumbest bet in the history of sports and put down money that Straw will hit a homer tonight? 

 

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Helobious

Helobious 9505

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10 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

 Had no idea who Straw is, but just look him up---holy shit...what an overpaid assclown.  255 career strikeouts for 5 homers?  I guess he steals some bases and decent glove, but .635 OPS for $9mm/year?  

 

Just looking at him (he’s barely 5’9 and maybe 170), would it be that absurd to think an above-average strengthed 5’11 180 lb regular man could take him in a fight? No right? Asking for a friend. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19453

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I can't speak to Straw's chances in a fist-fight.  I just found his stats to be somewhat mediocre considering his salary.  I had no idea he even existed until this thread, but any excuse to go down a baseball-reference rabbit hole instead of working on a Monday morning...

Plus picturing shadow typing the phrase "made fun of" is just cracking me up.  I bet he could totally take me in a fight.  I haz scared

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Dutchrudder

Dutchrudder 11160

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20 minutes ago, Helobious said:

Your team has Myles Straw on it. Enough said. Win or lose I hope that short little pussy bitch pulls an o-fer tonight. 

Ok I have to know now, why do you hate Cleveland's number 9 batter so much? Is it because he was on the Astros when they beat the Yankees? 

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Dutchrudder

Dutchrudder 11160

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Just now, YGIFS said:

I can't speak to Straw's chances in a fist-fight.  I just found his stats to be somewhat mediocre considering his salary.  I had no idea he even existed until this thread, but any excuse to go down a baseball-reference rabbit hole instead of working on a Monday morning...

He's making 5m a year, and he's one of the best defensive Right Fielders in the game.  Some clubs can't afford to spend 15m+ at every position, so they make do with cheaper options. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19453

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my bad, i was looking at his salary table.  but thought it was $8.5m this year but he doesn't make that until 2027.  I did acknowledge that he has a good glove several posts ago.  He actually doesn't even make $5mm.  So yeah, he's worth it.  Wasn't bagging on him, just didn't see the value for $9mm, but he ain't there yet.  

Fun fact, today is his birthday.  As a gift, I'm gonna let him fuck the Yankees.  And then text him that shadow is "making fun of me..."  😂

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19453

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12 minutes ago, Dutchrudder said:

He's making 5m a year, and he's one of the best defensive Right Fielders in the game.  Some clubs can't afford to spend 15m+ at every position, so they make do with cheaper options. 

yeah, to shadow's point...he's a CF.  Played more SS than RF over his career.  12 assists against 2 errors, pretty damn good though.  Looks like he's in contention for a Gold Glove.  Never heard of Saint John's River State College, but they got guys in the Rangers and Astros organizations.  And Bruce Sutter died last week apparently.

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Helobious

Helobious 9505

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8 minutes ago, Dutchrudder said:

Ok I have to know now, why do you hate Cleveland's number 9 batter so much? Is it because he was on the Astros when they beat the Yankees? 

He single-handedly instigated the trash throwing incident at Yankee stadium earlier this year by overreacting to a nothing comment from a fan after Kwan hurt his vagina trying to catch a ball. Had the gall to trash the whole fanbase in postgame interviews. Never mind that no other walk off there ended in stuff being thrown on the field except this one time. It was literally all his fault. Notice how he hops on the wall but leans far away from the fans, who don’t back down from him. He’s the definition of a loud mouthed pussy.
 

I guess everyone on here thinks MLB players are all MMA fighters in their free time, because everyone says I was full of shit for saying I could beat him up. I know almost all male pro athletes could kick my ass, and all males and a big chunk of females that train in combat sports would kick my ass. But I just know I could take that short bitch. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19453

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Man, I didn't give fuck one about Straw but that's some low-T bullshit right there, hopping up on the wall to get in that fan's face when there's lots of kids around.  Not a good look Myles.  Obviously the fan can't do anything with cameras and cops all around so Straw is just being a bitch.  Even his teammates looked embarrassed for him.

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Hank Chinaski

Hank Chinaski 6324

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21 minutes ago, Helobious said:

I guess everyone on here thinks MLB players are all MMA fighters in their free time, because everyone says I was full of shit for saying I could beat him up. I know almost all male pro athletes could kick my ass, and all males and a big chunk of females that train in combat sports would kick my ass. But I just know I could take that short bitch. 

Well here’s the thing. He’s listed at 5’10” and 178 lbs. the average American adult male is 5’9” and 200 lbs (!), so he’s actually taller than average. He’s a reasonably fit pro athlete; the average American male is considerably less fit.

I’d estimate that he’d fare pretty well in a fist fight against the majority of Surly posters. Agree? I don’t know what that number is, but let’s say it’s 75%.

Now, you may be in that 25% minority. But, if I had to bet, having never seen you in real life, I’d bet on Straw, because I have to play the odds. No offense.

(Typing out an explanation as to why it’s reasonable for Surly posters to assume that Helo couldn’t “beat up” Myles Straw in a fistfight was certainly an unexpected use of 5 minutes that I’ll never get back.)

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19453

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the average adult male in the U.s. is only 5'9"?  I believe the 200 pound part, but only 5-9?  Good thing we don't have hand-to-hand combat wars anymore.  I'd loom large over Straw but he also looks quick as shit.  That pussy move to the fan on the wall makes him seem weak to me like he can't back up his mouth, but then---if you're that unhinged to nearly assault a fan in broad daylight in full view of 50,000 people...you probably give zero fucks and hence, I do not wanna fight you.  

But Helo seems to have some deep-seeded hatred for him and sometimes the guy with the most pent-up shit wins, so I'll bet on Helo.  But I'm also betting on Cleveland to take the LDS.  and the Mormons too.

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Helobious

Helobious 9505

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I guess that’s fair. I’m bigger than Straw, can bench 225 and am definitely in way better than average shape. Thought about posting a shirtless pic for proof but I guess I do kind of see how stupid the whole thing is now. I’m not Rocko. People can think what they want. 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19453

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Yankees:  "We can't play in this shit, there's lightning over the infield."
Ray Caldwell: "Put me in coach!"

The Astros have to be loving these delays.  I know they need the primetime eyeballs, but MLB should have moved this game up to 3 or 4pm today.  They're gonna finish it tomorrow and winner has to leave right after the game for Houston.  

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Guadaloopy

Guadaloopy 11045

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2 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

Yankees:  "We can't play in this shit, there's lightning over the infield."
Ray Caldwell: "Put me in coach!"

The Astros have to be loving these delays.  I know they need the primetime eyeballs, but MLB should have moved this game up to 3 or 4pm today.  They're gonna finish it tomorrow and winner has to leave right after the game for Houston.  

Jerry Seinfeld Popcorn GIF by Sheets & Giggles

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Pimphand

Pimphand 6052

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7 hours ago, Scraps said:

So does this mean I should actually make the dumbest bet in the history of sports and put down money that Straw will hit a homer tonight? 

Today is Straw's birthday and the Helo prediction of Straw going 0-for definitely means Straw will get a hit but even the overwhelming power of the suck that is a Helo prediction probably can't provide enough juice for a Straw HR.

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