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Official 2022 Bitch about Family - Holiday Insanity

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Sawbonz

Sawbonz 28187

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Posted
On 11/25/2022 at 12:02 AM, YoungCounty said:

My office is right next door to my house. 
 

Office has 6 rooms. 3 I use as offices. The other three I use as bedrooms when people come to visit. 
 

Tons of kids at house, lots of adults drinking. No. No way to have sex in our own bed. 
 

So, wife and I walked next door to office to get new sheets on bed for in-laws.  Had sex instead. 

This your office?

 

image.jpeg.430dcc19d243dfdbe42a95b63b1cce5b.jpeg

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Armybrat
Armybrat

Took Mrs. Brat to church and will pick her up in an hour, so I’m sitting here alone looking at my late grandson’s stocking hanging on the mantel. First Christmas without him in 30 years. Our midd

UncleSonny
UncleSonny

Not really lulz or bitching exactly, but today was a son of a bitch. Got in to Tyler with the family and went straight to the hospital where my 90 year old grandfather has been for the last week with

GoPokes83
GoPokes83

Went to get our Christmas stuff out of the barn and noticed there were 3 new in box 10’ trees in there. Turns out my wife was super proud she bought them on clearance last year because they were so c

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25553

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Call me petty but I've been trolling the fam after their bullshit texts calling me names like the toddlers they are.

I responded with pics of me smiling at the game and hanging out with other smiling people. 

I also know they are eating garbage because I'm not there to supervise the meal, so I sent pics of the fried turkey and fixings I enjoyed at friends giving.

I've been smiling ever since.

Fuck em. Best Thanksgiving in a long time. 

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 12049

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On 11/25/2022 at 6:43 AM, pearlandhorn said:

I consider myself an only child now as my brother has completely abandoned the family and hasn’t spoken to my parents or I in 12 years. That’s a story for another thread 😂 

I've unfortunately learned from several experiences that the outcast family member who hasnt talked to anyone in 10+ years always seems to make the funeral and reading of and (guaranteed) rejection of said Will 

 

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pearlandhorn

pearlandhorn 3343

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30 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

I've unfortunately learned from several experiences that the outcast family member who hasnt talked to anyone in 10+ years always seems to make the funeral and reading of and (guaranteed) rejection of said Will 

 

Even if the parents give $10 to said outcasted family member?

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 12049

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3 minutes ago, pearlandhorn said:

Even if the parents give $10 to said outcasted family member?

i've heard that helps. 

but in my 2 examples it didnt stop the PITA from either starting a fight at the Will, or threatening and/or filing a lawsuit to slow everything down, trying to get a settelement to make them go away.    make sure a good lawyer reviews the Will and puts in some very specific wording that Ex family member is purposely being excluded, not overlooked, and not entitled to anything other than what is specifically listed in the Will. 

 

But the PITA can still cause issues at probate if they want to do it for the fuck of it. 

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 22274

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I am so thankful that we managed to dodge a bullet this Thanksgiving.  My batshit crazy QAnon aunt got back from her trip yesterday and both her and my sister were at Mom’s this morning.  Their topics of conversation were how the CIA funded Elon’s takeover of twitter, the moon landing took place in the Arizona desert, Justin Beiber’s facial paralysis was caused by his Covid vaccine, and the NSA controlled all of the smart thermostats in the country.  At that point I decided to go home and get my truck so I could take my mom’s broken oven that I replaced last month to C and D scrap metal so I could get a few $2 bills

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Vertuzzi

Vertuzzi 1426

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28 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I am so thankful that we managed to dodge a bullet this Thanksgiving.  My batshit crazy QAnon aunt got back from her trip yesterday and both her and my sister were at Mom’s this morning.  Their topics of conversation were how the CIA funded Elon’s takeover of twitter, the moon landing took place in the Arizona desert, Justin Beiber’s facial paralysis was caused by his Covid vaccine, and the NSA controlled all of the smart thermostats in the country.  At that point I decided to go home and get my truck so I could take my mom’s broken oven that I replaced last month to C and D scrap metal so I could get a few $2 bills

I’d love to get high with your aunt and sister. Seems like they have “fun” conversations. 

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ABSR

ABSR 5369

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1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

Went to get our Christmas stuff out of the barn and noticed there were 3 new in box 10’ trees in there. Turns out my wife was super proud she bought them on clearance last year because they were so cheap. We have 9’ ceilings.

Wives thread is that way ----->      But fantastic entry.

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25553

Posted
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1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

Went to get our Christmas stuff out of the barn and noticed there were 3 new in box 10’ trees in there. Turns out my wife was super proud she bought them on clearance last year because they were so cheap. We have 9’ ceilings.

You could put them all in your front lawn and own Christmas in your neighborhood. 

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23 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

i've heard that helps. 

but in my 2 examples it didnt stop the PITA from either starting a fight at the Will, or threatening and/or filing a lawsuit to slow everything down, trying to get a settelement to make them go away.    make sure a good lawyer reviews the Will and puts in some very specific wording that Ex family member is purposely being excluded, not overlooked, and not entitled to anything other than what is specifically listed in the Will. 

 

But the PITA can still cause issues at probate if they want to do it for the fuck of it. 

Those families must handle their 'problems' differently than mine does.

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2336

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I received a text from my sister while I was in Zambia on a business trip.

October 31

Sister:  I am writing a book about mom and dad to give to them at Christmas.  I need for you to write up what it was like for you growing up and having mom and dad as parents.  They need to be separate stories; one for mom and one for dad since it is two different books.  I know you are busy but as soon as you can do it.

Me:  I am in Africa and am quite busy.  Will be here for almst two weeks.

November 28

Sister:  How are your pages for the book coming along?

Me:  When do you need it by?  As you know I have been traveling a lot lately and am very busy.

Sister:  As soon as you are able.  I know that you have been gone a lot with work.

How is it that a "gift" that my sister is giving my parents require that I be a part of it?  My life is much more demanding and time-consuming than my siblings' lives.  I guess I will continue to be the "black sheep" of the family if I do not get this done.

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On 12/2/2022 at 12:47 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I am so thankful that we managed to dodge a bullet this Thanksgiving.  My batshit crazy QAnon aunt got back from her trip yesterday and both her and my sister were at Mom’s this morning.  Their topics of conversation were how the CIA funded Elon’s takeover of twitter, the moon landing took place in the Arizona desert, Justin Beiber’s facial paralysis was caused by his Covid vaccine, and the NSA controlled all of the smart thermostats in the country.  At that point I decided to go home and get my truck so I could take my mom’s broken oven that I replaced last month to C and D scrap metal so I could get a few $2 bills

Every $2=

20130831_211744988_iOS.jpg

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2336

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

You guys are assholes to each other. Throw away the book and be considerate of each other instead. Your parents would probably appreciate it more than the book. 

Nope.  The conversation should have gone like this some time ago:

Sister:  Would the two of you (us brothers) be interested in collectivley writing some stories down and making it into a booklet and give it to our parents as a Christmas gift from all of us?

Brothers:  Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.  I will start to put some stuff down as memories come up and whatnot.

Instead it went like this:

Sister:  I am writing a book for our parents.

Brothers:  Cool

Sister:  By the way, you need to write stuff down too.  Need it fairly quick.

Brothers:  What?

Edited by mininghorn88
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Js1

Js1 87173

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Well I didn't get to partake in any Thanksgiving drama, but my sister decided to light a match next to the oily rags in the garage that is Christmas.

My mom and her new husband live in Magnolia
My dad/stepmom live in Tomball
I live in the Heights
My sister, her boyfriend and 2 sons (2 and 16) live in Clear Lake

To avoid the pains of driving all over fucking Houston on Christmas, my sister decided everyone is coming to her house on the 24th, and then she can do Christmas Day with her sons in peace (aka, without my mom), and no one has to drive anywhere on Christmas morning. 

Pretty predictable responses so far -

  • Mom is LIVID she has to even entertain the idea of spending Christmas with her ex-husband and the woman he cheated on her with and the married 25 years ago. 
  • Dad and stepmom are slightly annoyed at the idea of spending Christmas with my mom and her loudmouth, wannabe Tony Soprano new husband, but they know if they say no, they won't see the grandkids for Christmas. 
  • Sister's boyfriend is annoyed by the whole thing because my mom and her husband look down on him because he works for Centerpoint as an apprentice or something and think it's a crappy job and it's beneath my sister (who, might I add, was married and divorced by the time she was 19 and has 2 kids 14 years apart with 2 separate men, so....is he?), so he doesn't want to spend it with them, period. 

Luckily, I assume I'll be in the corner putting together toys for my nephew and watching the drama like:

Watching Drama GIFs | Tenor

Because I know my sister will be 3 glasses of wine deep by the time we even show up at noon. 

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ocugolf

ocugolf 1227

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On 11/30/2022 at 6:06 PM, MissingInAction said:

Call me petty but I've been trolling the fam after their bullshit texts calling me names like the toddlers they are.

I responded with pics of me smiling at the game and hanging out with other smiling people. 

I also know they are eating garbage because I'm not there to supervise the meal, so I sent pics of the fried turkey and fixings I enjoyed at friends giving.

I've been smiling ever since.

Fuck em. Best Thanksgiving in a long time. 

Nothing annoys the miserable more than others happiness.  Well done.  They were going to gripe about something, so might as well give them ammo.  

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Js1

Js1 87173

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3 hours ago, Sawbonz said:

Bravo to your sister for laying down the law. Fuck your parents if they can’t be adults 

Yeah I'm on her side, and told my mom Christmas is about the 2 grandkids and not her, so she needs to get over it/herself.

She thinks she's going to show up 2 hours earlier, have some solo time and then bounce before my dad and stepmom get there.  My sister has not agreed to any such thing. 

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9618

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1 minute ago, Js1 said:

Yeah I'm on her side, and told my mom Christmas is about the 2 grandkids and not her, so she needs to get over it/herself.

She thinks she's going to show up 2 hours earlier, have some solo time and then bounce before my dad and stepmom get there.  My sister has not agreed to any such thing. 

Not the worst idea I’ve ever heard. 

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25553

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1 hour ago, ocugolf said:

Nothing annoys the miserable more than others happiness.  Well done.  They were going to gripe about something, so might as well give them ammo.  

Oh man you got that right.

They can't stand my happiness. 

I get the, "well you know you wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for me", horseshit.

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 41350

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Mom texts me and the siblings in a group text yesterday telling us that Christmas lunch will be at my stepbrothers house again this year. I swear my oldest brother in law and I think exactly alike because we both respond at the same time, "are we gonna have a table to sit at this year?" My stepbrother has a small breakfast table, but no dining room table, which makes me question why we have it as his place to begin with. I volunteered my place, but it's too small and a few of my family members are allergic to cats. Now to think of it, I'm glad it's not at my place. Don't have to clean up the extra mess. 

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 41350

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On 11/24/2022 at 1:10 PM, pearlandhorn said:

SIL and BIL…Jesus…they’re 40 years old and brought literally ALL of their clothes to wash because they live in a house with no running water. Remember the big freeze we had over a year and a half ago? They haven’t fixed their pipes. They “shower” outside with a garden hose.

Can’t believe I just read this and get to use this again. This is your BIL showering outside in the cold:

1581BC17-3142-454C-A024-FBD241E21056.gif

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11186

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On 11/23/2022 at 3:00 PM, Buzzrock said:

I know I’m home when I turn on the TV and it’s already on Fox News at max volume, subtitles on, max brightness.

 

some years back, I had to lay down the law: either turn the TV to football, christmas movies, off, or even a yule log, but if Fox News was on, we (including the grandkid) were leaving.

They turned it to football.

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Parliament

Parliament 14593

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8 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

some years back, I had to lay down the law: either turn the TV to football, christmas movies, off, or even a yule log, but if Fox News was on, we (including the grandkid) were leaving.

They turned it to football.

Too bad.  You missed the chance to leave.

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11186

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Also, this Christmas we will be hitting up three houses in four days. Total driving = 1,000 miles.

(not really batshit crazy family related, but there would be passive aggressive bullshit if we skipped a house. Plus the 12 yr old likes to see her grandparents and cousins, and I don't want to deprive her of that.)

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25553

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Here's instructions on blocking fox news while visiting your magafams

Time Warner instructions to “monitor your kids’ entertainment”:

 

  1. Press the Settings button on your remote.
  2. Select the Parental Controls category.
  3. Select the Content Block category.
  4. Search for the content that you wish to block and press Select.
  5. The content category to be blocked will display in the list with a Locked icon. Enter your PIN. (The default PIN is set by each local TWC Store, typically 0000.)
  6. Press the C button to save your options.

 

Comcast Xfinity instructions to “lock access to specific individual channels” for boxes that use the X1 operating system:

 

  1. Press the Guide button on your remote control.
  2. Use the up arrow and down arrow buttons to scroll to the channel to you wish to lock.
  3. Press the left arrow button once to highlight the logo and channel number of the channel you wish to lock. Press the OK button.
  4. Using the right arrow button, highlight Lock. Press the OK button.
  5. If you have already set up a Parental Controls PIN, you will be prompted to enter your four-digit Locks PIN using the number pad on your remote control before you can continue.
  6. Enter the Locks PIN a second time to confirm the channel lock
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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9618

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6 hours ago, Longboard Horn said:

Mom texts me and the siblings in a group text yesterday telling us that Christmas lunch will be at my stepbrothers house again this year. I swear my oldest brother in law and I think exactly alike because we both respond at the same time, "are we gonna have a table to sit at this year?" My stepbrother has a small breakfast table, but no dining room table, which makes me question why we have it as his place to begin with. I volunteered my place, but it's too small and a few of my family members are allergic to cats. Now to think of it, I'm glad it's not at my place. Don't have to clean up the extra mess. 

“Stop by, but don’t get too comfortable.”  I like your stepbrother’s style. 

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6 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

Also, this Christmas we will be hitting up three houses in four days. Total driving = 1,000 miles.

Just the worst part of the holidays. I like seeing everyone, but damn all the running around is a PITA, mixed with everyone being so far that you have to make it an overnight trip. I'm at the age where I don't want to sleep in someone's weird guest bed. I want my own bed with my own comforts. 

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 46150

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Posted (edited)

Watching movies with my wife and in-laws is a beating. They all try and guess what is going to happen instead of just letting the movie unfold and my FIL constantly asks questions like we’ve already seen the movie before. 
 

No, I don’t know who that character is that was just introduced either. I bet if you watch the movie, THEY MIGHT EXPLAIN!

Edited by Biff Tannen
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YGIFS

YGIFS 19458

Posted
Posted (edited)
37 minutes ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Is Rusty still in the Navy?

No, the Circus.   Spraying pixie dust on the tilt-a-whirl but should be guessing weights or barking for the Elk Woman next year.

My in-laws were here when we started "Elf on the Shelf" several days ago.  It was super cute to try and hide the Elf each night while they had my fucking television up to 98/100 on cable news while I was trying to hear if the kids were asleep so they wouldn't wander down and see me moving the little guy.  So I suggested a new game, kids wake up to find the actual Elf (whom they named "Patrick Coffee") and MIL & FIL have to try and find the Elf's laptop which contains all the North Pole secrets and classified intel.  Wife is not amused, but at least I can get some fucking sleep.

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