Depression, OCD, and whatever else ails you between the ears

[Nicole44 22078]

Are there any lawyers on this site that can give me some advice? 

[TwiceHorn 31544]

Not sure if srs?  Mental health advice?

[cactusflinthead 27606]

You can't swing a cat around here without hitting a lawyer. What kind do you need?

 

[cactusflinthead 27606]

On 12/8/2019 at 7:51 PM, cactusflinthead said:

Every once in a while I check the views on this thread. 19K. 

I don't know who reads it or who gets anything out of it, but somebody does. Or at least I hold on to the idea that they get something out of this. If nothing else it serves as a sounding board. If you don't feel comfortable venting on here, there are more than a few of us that will let you go full throttle in PM. It might not do much more than give you somewhere to rant, but y'all can send the bitter bile my way if you gotta get it out. I've had a few along the way. 

Anyhow, with the holidays upon us there is usually an uptick in views. Thought I'd make the offer. 

We're at 20k now. Someone out there keeps clicking on it. 

Y'all keep your stick on the ice. We're all in this together. 

Merry Christmas you buncha aholes. 

[TwiceHorn 31544]

Thanks for kind of curating this thing.

[cactusflinthead 27606]

1 minute ago, TwiceHorn said:

Thanks for kind of curating this thing.

All I did was roll the ball out there. I've gotten way more out of this thread than I've put into it. Y'all are the ones that make it happen. 

[XYZ 2154]

On 12/25/2019 at 3:33 AM, ROFL BOX said:

Anyone else staying up late so they can hope to sleep in late?

Thinking of feinting a stomach bug or something like that - Christmas with my inlaws is always a beating.  I can expect to hear probably 3 anti-democrat slurs & it will be a miracle if the FIL doesn't use the N word @ least once.

 

Trying to not be a shit so my kids won't suffer.  Wife always has stupid expectations on trivial bullshit gifts that are useless / duplicates of something she has too much of (jewelry, etc).

Same here regarding in-laws.

[Sandman 3415]

On 12/9/2019 at 8:10 AM, XYZ said:

I'm in a dark place now. My 16 year old daughter is being treated for depression and ADHD, and I'm pessimistic about her future. I'm fucking tired of being a parent. Tired of the drama, tired of worrying. I feel like I'm literally the only parent in the world who would like to run away from his kids.

My kids just turned 18, so I'm not out of the woods yet, but I feel you. The last 3-4 years have been tough for me as a dad. When my kid got in trouble twice in the span of 3 months earlier this year, I wanted to just pull the ripcord and float away to someplace where kids aren't allowed. If my ex-wife was worth a shit, we could've made something work but she isn't someone I can count on for that. I had to tough it out, although my current wife was a huge help in keeping me from going off the deep end. 

Keep your head up, brother. The sun WILL rise. 

[Goofyboy 3297]

We start a 14 week social therapy program for my son on Monday. Between this, the compensatory time from the school district (due to how incredibly bad they fucked up this year) and a plan at home - the kid should be back on track.

If this shit doesn’t work, it will be time to get him evaluated again and possibly look at meds, which I really don’t want to do. He’s a kick ass kid outside of school. I’d almost rather pull him from school than drug him.

[Bozo_Casanova 26578]

Thanks for kind of curating this thing.

Seconded

[troph 24912]

We start a 14 week social therapy program for my son on Monday. Between this, the compensatory time from the school district (due to how incredibly bad they fucked up this year) and a plan at home - the kid should be back on track.

If this shit doesn’t work, it will be time to get him evaluated again and possibly look at meds, which I really don’t want to do. He’s a kick ass kid outside of school. I’d almost rather pull him from school than drug him.

I’m not in your shoes but adhd meds were a godsend for us. Now we have our conversations over more meds and my son and my ex aren’t seeing eye to eye on dosages but even he is thankful for e baseline he’s on.

[Goofyboy 3297]

I’m not in your shoes but adhd meds were a godsend for us. Now we have our conversations over more meds and my son and my ex aren’t seeing eye to eye on dosages but even he is thankful for e baseline he’s on.

He’s a totally different kid out of school. School has been nothing short of hell for him this year. One on one teaching and he thrives. He’s terribly smart. He does not fit the public education system at all. I wish it was something we could medicate, as that would mean he’s like this all the time. With it just being school - I am very hesitant to medicate just to get him to fit in to the education for all.

[troph 24912]

Yeah I don’t have an answer for you. My son now 14 doesn’t want meds except for school. Doesn’t mean much for your situation. Only thing I would say is meds scared the hell out of me initially. I guess that’s my only point.

 

[cactusflinthead 27606]

Y'all heard about the author of Captain Underpants?

He was a problem student as well. 

I'm convinced that there are some teachers that work better with us than others and some we don't get along with at all. I remember it from my time and I have seen it in my daughter. It's complicated further when a school system is actively working against the student. Meds or not is another question entirely. He's ok at the house, good with one teacher and not another? And they are ragging on him? Yeah, meds won't fix that. 

[ROFL BOX 6649]

[XYZ 2154]

That’s funny.

[tomahawk dunk 339]

A little off topic..but do any of y'all use/recommend any meditation apps? I have never used them but have been wanting to give one a try. Thanks.

[cactusflinthead 27606]

Man, there's an app for everything. 

I had no idea. But, I'm willing to listen. 

[Bozo_Casanova 26578]

I don’t benefit from talk therapy or get any cathartic benefit from writing out a detailed description of what’s going on with me but I am in the fucking weeds. I have a chemical process, a personal/family dynamic and a professional problem, all happening at once.

This sucks.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

[tigol 2409]

1 hour ago, tomahawk dunk said:

A little off topic..but do any of y'all use/recommend any meditation apps? I have never used them but have been wanting to give one a try. Thanks.

I've used Headspace.  It's a good introduction.

[XYZ 2154]

I liked Headspace. They give you 10 guided meditation sessions. After the 10, I guess you have to pay or something, which I never did. Cos I’m a cheap bastard. But I’m thinking of doing it again.

[cactusflinthead 27606]

38 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

I don’t benefit from talk therapy or get any cathartic benefit from writing out a detailed description of what’s going on with me but I am in the fucking weeds. I have a chemical process, a personal/family dynamic and a professional problem, all happening at once.

This sucks.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

Part of me says you ought to go on a long walk and holler. 

And another part asks what chemical process and can it get tweaked?

Jobs come and go. It absolutely sucks to have to go hunting for one, but they are available. 

Family. Well, you know about that better than I do, but I've found that if I just keep going it usually works out. 

I keep remembering what @Reagan1k said about the farmer.

maybe. 

Give your own self the benefit of the doubt. You aren't infallible. 

It might not be nearly as shitty as you think it is. 

[TwiceHorn 31544]

1 hour ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

I don’t benefit from talk therapy or get any cathartic benefit from writing out a detailed description of what’s going on with me but I am in the fucking weeds. I have a chemical process, a personal/family dynamic and a professional problem, all happening at once.

This sucks.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

You're a very smart dude, so I don't want to assume too much from your post.  Perhaps talk therapy hasn't worked because you haven't found the right therapist?  And journaling or writing things out isn't necessarily cathartic, although it can be.

Both are aids to "processing" what's going on in your world and hopefully ferreting out processing errors.  Forcing your whirling thoughts into the open with a trusted listener, or writing them out, can force the thoughts through a more "neutral" or objective or rational process (speaking, writing, discussion) than you may otherwise be capable of applying to the situation.

And, sometimes there are no processing errors, shit just sucks.  But this too will pass.

[XYZ 2154]

16 hours ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

I don’t benefit from talk therapy or get any cathartic benefit from writing out a detailed description of what’s going on with me but I am in the fucking weeds. I have a chemical process, a personal/family dynamic and a professional problem, all happening at once.

This sucks.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

What’s going on?

[troph 24912]

Therapists suck ... until you find a really really good one and then wow life changing. I’ve spent 20 years seeing therapists, one was phenomenal and I saw him for 3 years and 1 was good I saw her for 2 years and the rest were meh.

But when it all hits at once there not much you can do but survive. Exercise don’t drink to excess, be disciplined about your thoughts, practice gratitude, be kind to yourself and others, eat well drink lots of water, find time for yourself even in the storm, get out in nature, all of it. It’s a fucking beat down but it will pass.

[troph 24912]

On my front, I’ve decided to go dry for a month, I started 12/29. Typically I have 1-2 drinks a night without exception. So this is a major change. So far it’s been really great. I feel a lot more energy to get things done and am powering through in the evenings. I’m also hanging in there with the shorter days pretty well. I had a nightmare I got drunk and I felt trapped. Hated it. Woke up relieved I hadn’t had a drink. The personal power from being alcohol free going on a week now is great. I’m interested to see how it feels after 2 weeks and a month.

[BearSchlong 8115]

I don’t benefit from talk therapy or get any cathartic benefit from writing out a detailed description of what’s going on with me but I am in the fucking weeds. I have a chemical process, a personal/family dynamic and a professional problem, all happening at once.

This sucks.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

This too shall pass. Godspeed.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

On 1/2/2020 at 9:37 PM, Bozo_Casanova said:

I don’t benefit from talk therapy or get any cathartic benefit from writing out a detailed description of what’s going on with me but I am in the fucking weeds. I have a chemical process, a personal/family dynamic and a professional problem, all happening at once.

This sucks.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

This bb forum code thing needs a response for "Like, well, not really "LIKE", but... kinda nods head & says "Yeah, I can see that / commiseration, etc." ".

[Goofyboy 3297]

On my front, I’ve decided to go dry for a month, I started 12/29. Typically I have 1-2 drinks a night without exception. So this is a major change. So far it’s been really great. I feel a lot more energy to get things done and am powering through in the evenings. I’m also hanging in there with the shorter days pretty well. I had a nightmare I got drunk and I felt trapped. Hated it. Woke up relieved I hadn’t had a drink. The personal power from being alcohol free going on a week now is great. I’m interested to see how it feels after 2 weeks and a month.

My birthday is Wednesday. My wife and I are going dry from Jan 9th until Feb 24th (trip to Nashville) and again from the. Until March 24th (Vegas). I’ve done this a few times and it’s always been positive. Good luck.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

2 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

My birthday is Wednesday. My wife...

 

Keep us posted on whether or not you get a beej.

[Goofyboy 3297]

Keep us posted on whether or not you get a beej.

Will do.

[Helobious 9467]

Yesterday was one of those days where I didn’t step foot outside from like 7:30 in the morning until the end of the day. When I was walking to my car at 5pm, that front was barely making its way into San Antonio. The sunset was stunning, and there was a light breeze and it was probably 70 or 71 outside. I just stood by my car door for a couple minutes and took it all in. I felt happy. It didn’t matter that I was trapped in a cube all day. That was in the past and this experience was right now.
 

When I was at my lowest points, that’s the kind of thing I never would have noticed or cared about. Part of what helped me get out of that was learning to take joy in even the littlest of things. I feel lucky that I’m able to experience pleasant evenings, or watch a good TV show, or see a loved one,  no matter what else might be going on in my life. 

[tomahawk dunk 339]

1 hour ago, Helobious said:

Yesterday was one of those days where I didn’t step foot outside from like 7:30 in the morning until the end of the day. When I was walking to my car at 5pm, that front was barely making its way into San Antonio. The sunset was stunning, and there was a light breeze and it was probably 70 or 71 outside. I just stood by my car door for a couple minutes and took it all in. I felt happy. It didn’t matter that I was trapped in a cube all day. That was in the past and this experience was right now.
 

When I was at my lowest points, that’s the kind of thing I never would have noticed or cared about. Part of what helped me get out of that was learning to take joy in even the littlest of things. I feel lucky that I’m able to experience pleasant evenings, or watch a good TV show, or see a loved one,  no matter what else might be going on in my life. 

Solid.

A gratitude practice is something I try to do every day. Lots of good research about it. See Martin Seligman at U Penn.

[Bozo_Casanova 26578]

This morning I got up at 6:45, had a light breakfast, went to the gym and lifted weights.
I picked up my daughter at 10:30 from her friend’s house. Then we put a test drove a car that we almost certainly won’t buy on a fun road (Spicewood Springs west of 360) and I drove like I stole it. Afterward we shared fajitas at Taco Cobano, and drove around to various pet stores looking for ferrets and baby rabbits to play with.
When we were almost home, we pulled over in a less populated part of the neighborhood, switched seats and She got her first driving lesson.
Today has been a good day.

[pops 7007]

I've written, deleted and rewritten this post about 10 times.  I just want to say thank you to everyone on the old thread that posted their experiences.  It genuinely helped.

To everyone going through shit, I promise it can and will get better.  I know you don't think so.  I was stuck in a miasma that I thought had no end.  And I couldn't process it.  I though depression was just for pussies that couldn't get over shit.  It isn't.  There is a way out (probably a different way for everyone) but there is.  Good luck and know that what you are going through will give you a level of empathy for your fellow humans on this planet that you didn't know existed.  

[cactusflinthead 27606]

Damn right. 

[cactusflinthead 27606]

2 hours ago, tomahawk dunk said:

Solid.

A gratitude practice is something I try to do every day. Lots of good research about it. See Martin Seligman at U Penn.

That name sounds familiar. Seems like I remember a stretch on here of a discussion of gratitude.

See if I can dig it up. 

[XYZ 2154]

1 hour ago, pops said:

To everyone going through shit, I promise it can and will get better.

I sure hope so.

[cactusflinthead 27606]

2 hours ago, tomahawk dunk said:

Solid.

A gratitude practice is something I try to do every day. Lots of good research about it. See Martin Seligman at U Penn.

This was Korb of UCLA. It's in the stuff I toted over from TOS. 

http://theweek.com/articles/601157/neuroscience-reveals-4-rituals-that-make-happy?utm_source=links&utm_medium=website&utm_campaign=facebook

Seligman still rings a bell somewhere in the little gray cells. 

I was reviewing some of the posts from TOS. I left them anonymous on purpose. I know which ones are mine. I brought very few of my own posts from TOS. It might be a beneficial exercise if some of y'all looked at the then and now.

What has happened in the interim? 

What is up with ya today?

 

Edited January 12, 2020 by cactusflinthead
Grammar is a thing

[pops 7007]

2 hours ago, XYZ said:

I sure hope so.

I know it doesn't make a shit what some asshole on the internet says, but it really can. I don't know what you're going through and I'm not going to pretend I can help.  I 100% believed everyone I cared about would be better off without me.  Now I know they wouldn't be. 

I don't know what will work for you, but I guarantee something will. Don't quit. There is someone out there that deserves you not quitting. 

[Parliament 14333]

This was Korb of UCLA. It's in the stuff I toted over from TOS. 
http://theweek.com/articles/601157/neuroscience-reveals-4-rituals-that-make-happy?utm_source=links&utm_medium=website&utm_campaign=facebook
Seligman still rings a bell somewhere in the little gray cells. 
I was reviewing some of the posts from TOS. I left them anonymous on purpose. I know which ones are mine. I brought very few of my own posts from TOS. It might be a beneficial exercise if some of y'all looked at the then and now.
What has happened in the interim? 
What is up with ya today?
 

That's a great link.

[Message Board User 12396]

 

[XYZ 2154]

14 hours ago, Message Board User said:

 

I’m right there.

Right. There.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

[BearSchlong 8115]

 

Holy shit. 47.42 years today.

[UpperWestside 6190]

On 1/2/2020 at 9:46 PM, tomahawk dunk said:

A little off topic..but do any of y'all use/recommend any meditation apps? I have never used them but have been wanting to give one a try. Thanks.

There is an app called Calm. I recommend it. I think you'll like it. It has free stuff and other things you can pay for. It will help ease your mind when things are going sideways. 

[Walden Ponderer 12639]

Anybody got experience with eating disorders?

Eldest is in in-patient care right now for binge/fasting abuse, and it is just plain rough sledding right now. To make matters worse, she is a highly creative, highly oppositional personality, so getting her to even agree to go in was basically WW III. And we do this family session once a week that she actually seems to be getting something out of, but at her mother's expense more or less, and I can't decide whether I think the therapist is being abusive or not. That whole mother-daughter relationship is like an alien language to me -- when they go at each other, they are at the uber-intense stage before I even realize it. And then, some times when I think they are arguing, I try to intervene, and they both tell me, "We're just having fun."

Goddamn are they weird.

Anyway, I am on totally foreign turf on this one. She's talking about things I absolutely can't relate to at all, and I feel like I've been as open and honest as I could about what I do and don't get, but it still leaves me thinking, "What the hell did I do wrong?"

[XYZ 2154]

18 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Anybody got experience with eating disorders?

Eldest is in in-patient care right now for binge/fasting abuse, and it is just plain rough sledding right now. To make matters worse, she is a highly creative, highly oppositional personality, so getting her to even agree to go in was basically WW III. And we do this family session once a week that she actually seems to be getting something out of, but at her mother's expense more or less, and I can't decide whether I think the therapist is being abusive or not. That whole mother-daughter relationship is like an alien language to me -- when they go at each other, they are at the uber-intense stage before I even realize it. And then, some times when I think they are arguing, I try to intervene, and they both tell me, "We're just having fun."

Goddamn are they weird.

Anyway, I am on totally foreign turf on this one. She's talking about things I absolutely can't relate to at all, and I feel like I've been as open and honest as I could about what I do and don't get, but it still leaves me thinking, "What the hell did I do wrong?"

Sending good vibes your way. I myself am in a very shitty situation, considering whether to send my teenage daughter to a psychiatric hospital for a few days.

[cactusflinthead 27606]

If you thought I let Walden twist in the wind without telling him of Lidig8r you would be wrong. 

Again the best I can do sometimes is get the hell out of the way.

I mentioned this old boy earlier. 

[Bozo_Casanova 26578]

Anybody got experience with eating disorders?

Eldest is in in-patient care right now for binge/fasting abuse, and it is just plain rough sledding right now. To make matters worse, she is a highly creative, highly oppositional personality, so getting her to even agree to go in was basically WW III. And we do this family session once a week that she actually seems to be getting something out of, but at her mother's expense more or less, and I can't decide whether I think the therapist is being abusive or not. That whole mother-daughter relationship is like an alien language to me -- when they go at each other, they are at the uber-intense stage before I even realize it. And then, some times when I think they are arguing, I try to intervene, and they both tell me, "We're just having fun."

Goddamn are they weird.

Anyway, I am on totally foreign turf on this one. She's talking about things I absolutely can't relate to at all, and I feel like I've been as open and honest as I could about what I do and don't get, but it still leaves me thinking, "What the hell did I do wrong?"

I’ve got nothing actionable, but let me give you some hope- my wife had an eating disorder starting in high school that culminated in a period of life threatening behaviors and residential treatment at 19.

By the time I met her only two years later she was fully recovered and hasn’t relapsed in the 25 years since.

 

Recovery is possible.

 

Also, don’t feel bad about not being able to relate. I can’t relate either. And as a parent you almost certainly have done quite a few things wrong because we all do, but this isn’t your “fault” and beating yourself up over the past won’t make anything better.