Depression, OCD, and whatever else ails you between the ears

[MissingInAction 25106]

9 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

The Commissioner of DFPS sent me a thank you card "for the support you provide to your loved one."  That's a good indicator, when they send thank you cards to worker's spouses.  They are getting better about appreciating the workers too.

My wife's been with CPS for 15 years and is now on the heightened monitoring side of the foster care system now that the federal courts have held Texas in contempt and demanded that shit get fixed.  @MissingInActionspeaks the truth.  Texas is weeding out bad actors and they need to be replaced by good people.

The number of CWOPs (Child WithOut Placements) is staggering, and getting worse.

The rewarding thing is about twice a year some random mom with kids in tow will walk up to my wife and hug her neck and burst into tears and say thank you.

Legally I can't know the reason, but it's easy to guess.

They have something like 1000 children sleeping in state offices. Not state regulated homes but actual offices.

Also heard they are asking for Dfps employees to volunteer to foster children. Really bad situation.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

[Sandman 3403]

We had our performance evals done this past week (I crushed it, as usual). But when my boss emailed to ask if I had anything else to go over, I requested a meeting and got everything off my chest that's been bugging me for the past month or so. It feels so damn liberating to just unload that shit, even though I know it won't really change anything about my situation. It was almost like therapy. I already know that talking about things out loud really does wonders for me, but I need to figure out why it takes me so long to do it. My wife is more than willing to listen to me, I guess I feel guilty about dumping things on her. I need to be more open about it. 

If you're on the fence about talking so someone (friend, co-worker, therapist), please just do it. I can't guarantee it will solve all of your problems but it absolutely cannot hurt. And it might just make a huge difference for you.

 

[Reagan1k 3024]

“A burden shared is a burden halved.”

T.A. Webb

Glad you got some relief and thanks for the reminder.
 

Even if our circumstances don’t change, often the simple (not easy- just simple) act of talking about something openly changes our perception.  I know in my case, perception is my reality, so if I can step back and look at something differently, my reality can change even though nothing else has.

 

[Message Board User 12395]

On 5/31/2021 at 7:49 PM, Message Board User said:

Writer for NY Magazine and Huff Post disclosed passive suicidal ideation this past week - I wonder how many people out there feel this way...

 

 

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

Me waiting on a couple of job offers. “We should know by next week”. Except add the pressure of keeping a roof over my kids’ heads.

[Parliament 14260]

Hiring managers sure like to string you along.

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

And just like that, I got a rejection email. Still waiting to hear back from another job I interviewed for, but fuck that was deflating. Oldest daughter is home with me today so trying to be the normal good dad, but fuck this is tough. Over 1 year out of work. Can’t keep this up much longer.

[workswithseed 2112]

Thanks @40acredropout, @UDontKnow, @Dahobbs,and others that were worried about me, and sent me private messages, which was nice. The posts in 40's screenshot was coincidence, ha. I was just staying away from the heat. 

Now this post isn't about that, it's what happened on Saturday. The fiancee,and I were driving to her parents house to go do laundry on the cheap, and before we get on the highway we see a few ambulances on the bridges. We wondered what was going on. We get on the highway, and drive a mile till the fiancee yells. I look up, and see a man fly up over a Max train. He falls to the other side and lose sight of him. The fiancee pulls over, and calls the police. As she gets ahold of someone, I wave down an ODOT worker who was stopping traffic trying to find the man. He comes over, I look over and see the body. It was laying face down, I see a bit of red on his neck, his pants halfway off. I show the worker where the man is, and radios in where he is. I go back to the fiancee and she says that she was the first person to call to say where the incident was, she wanted to step out, and I tell her no, cause that's the last thing I want her to see, even though she said she could see the body in the mirrors. A couple minutes later an officer comes, and starts to take control of the scene. He gets our stories after waiting there for about 20 minutes, and the ODOT worker gives us water which was nice. It's like a cosmic coincidence that we watched Stand By Me, since there were in there teens who wanted to satiate their morbid curiosity. Luckily enough a cop was there to tell them to go back in. We finally talked to the train conductor and we asked if each other were fine, his answer was "He made his decision, I made mine." Which the fiancee and laughed cause he wasn't wrong. When they didn't anything else from us, we left. It was weird, cause we had to past ambulances later on our trip and kinda flinched. Haha, I hope that doesn't become a trigger. We're fine fine for the most part. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

 

[40acredropout 2902]

27 minutes ago, workswithseed said:

Thanks @40acredropout, @UDontKnow, @Dahobbs,and others that were worried about me, and sent me private messages, which was nice. The posts in 40's screenshot was coincidence, ha. I was just staying away from the heat. 

Now this post isn't about that, it's what happened on Saturday. The fiancee,and I were driving to her parents house to go do laundry on the cheap, and before we get on the highway we see a few ambulances on the bridges. We wondered what was going on. We get on the highway, and drive a mile till the fiancee yells. I look up, and see a man fly up over a Max train. He falls to the other side and lose sight of him. The fiancee pulls over, and calls the police. As she gets ahold of someone, I wave down an ODOT worker who was stopping traffic trying to find the man. He comes over, I look over and see the body. It was laying face down, I see a bit of red on his neck, his pants halfway off. I show the worker where the man is, and radios in where he is. I go back to the fiancee and she says that she was the first person to call to say where the incident was, she wanted to step out, and I tell her no, cause that's the last thing I want her to see, even though she said she could see the body in the mirrors. A couple minutes later an officer comes, and starts to take control of the scene. He gets our stories after waiting there for about 20 minutes, and the ODOT worker gives us water which was nice. It's like a cosmic coincidence that we watched Stand By Me, since there were in there teens who wanted to satiate their morbid curiosity. Luckily enough a cop was there to tell them to go back in. We finally talked to the train conductor and we asked if each other were fine, his answer was "He made his decision, I made mine." Which the fiancee and laughed cause he wasn't wrong. When they didn't anything else from us, we left. It was weird, cause we had to past ambulances later on our trip and kinda flinched. Haha, I hope that doesn't become a trigger. We're fine fine for the most part. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

 

Happy to hear you are doing well, man. 

I actually want to apologize to you.  To be honest, I saw your previous posts and shared them as a joke because I did suspect it was purely coincidence.  After some time went by without hearing from you and a few others reached out in a more earnest fashion (kudos to those guys), I began to regret not doing the same.   We are a bunch of assholes around here but it's really not something that's acceptable to joke about or take lightly.  So for that-  I truly am sorry.  To you, but also to anybody else whose life has been impacted by suicide to any degree. 

As for your story above-  I'm glad you could share with us here.  Everybody processes these things differently, but I encourage you (and your fiancé) to continue to reach out here or elsewhere if you need to.  That is a traumatic thing to experience and there's no shame in seeking help and taking care of yourself.

[troph 24854]

Man that’s a brutal story. 

[workswithseed 2112]

1 hour ago, 40acredropout said:

Happy to hear you are doing well, man. 

I actually want to apologize to you.  To be honest, I saw your previous posts and shared them as a joke because I did suspect it was purely coincidence.  After some time went by without hearing from you and a few others reached out in a more earnest fashion (kudos to those guys), I began to regret not doing the same.   We are a bunch of assholes around here but it's really not something that's acceptable to joke about or take lightly.  So for that-  I truly am sorry.  To you, but also to anybody else whose life has been impacted by suicide to any degree. 

As for your story above-  I'm glad you could share with us here.  Everybody processes these things differently, but I encourage you (and your fiancé) to continue to reach out here or elsewhere if you need to.  That is a traumatic thing to experience and there's no shame in seeking help and taking care of yourself.

I forgive you. I didn't know you were, but text doesn't emote very well. Trust me, I make plenty of mistakes, and explain myself very poorly, and Surly as it is is full assholes who pick me to pieces. I've gained some thicker skin for it, so you don't have to worry about me on that front, if anything I'll just leave for a bit like I did.

After writing that, I feel a bit tender. I'll talk to the fiancé (told you, many mistakes) if she would like to talk about it to someone. To add more to the story.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/man-struck-killed-by-max-train-in-portland-after-running-through-traffic/ar-AAKKupV

 

 

[MissingInAction 25106]

That story brings back a terrible memory.

I'm waiting at the bus stop downtown somewhere. I forget the intersection.

I see my bus coming down to the T intersection  where he has no choice but to turn right. 

I see a cyclist come shooting down the right side trying to beat the bus. He did not make it. The cyclist got caught between the curb and the bus tire as it turned. Cyclist got pulled into the wheel well for several while he banged on the side of the bus with his free hand..

The bus finally stopped.

The right hand sticking out started tapping on the side of the bus a few times before he finally died. 

Edited June 9, 2021 by MissingInAction

[workswithseed 2112]

Yikes,man. Sorry that you saw that.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

That story brings back a terrible memory.

I'll have to "Rage+1" that later... on Tapa & a plain "Like" doesn't fit.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[troph 24854]

MIA story reminds me when I was 13-14 and we were driving south bound on I-35 near Capitol plaza near 51st after dark and saw a ups type truck run over a dead body, we were in the lane to the left, the truck was in the middle lane. Just a brutal situation. Body getting tossed around and being run over again and again.  

[MissingInAction 25106]

Seeing someone else get ripped down into the goo that we are made up of really puts things into perspective. 

Endo skeletons are useless.

Edited June 10, 2021 by MissingInAction

[workswithseed 2112]

2 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

Seeing someone else get ripped down into the goo that we are made up of really puts things into perspective. 

Endo skeletons are useless.

I don't know, sex with an exo skeleton wouldn't be as fun.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Well, today was a pile of shit.

Subs are fucking me on schedules L & R.

Met a new guy who wants as much per day as I get with my overhead...

& My best guy is a bit of a head case in that he wants to run the show vs. simply making bank per day.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[MissingInAction 25106]

1 hour ago, ROFL BOX said:

Well, today was a pile of shit.

Subs are fucking me on schedules L & R.

Met a new guy who wants as much per day as I get with my overhead...

& My best guy is a bit of a head case in that he wants to run the show vs. simply making bank per day.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Your best guy is your best because he wants better for himself. 

Give him his own crew if you can, and let him flourish.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

23 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

Your best guy is your best because he wants better for himself. 

Give him his own crew if you can, and let him flourish.

My roof subs are top notch; one fella & crew I've had for probably 12 years now & the other bunch (does a mix of metal + shingles & mod bit) is also excellent; both are "fire it & forget it" crews.

It's the other stuff - handyman, tape / float / texture / paint, insulation, powerwash / stain, etc. that this new dude I met... these are the ones who are burning up the wallet.

Hell, as much $$ as I get through Shag customers, it's something as soon as I posted it I thought - shit... I probably shouldn't have posted it there.

[Sandman 3403]

Had a bit of an angry meltdown yesterday. 

We left for a short getaway on wednesday morning. While waiting for the wife & kids to get their shit together, I decided to hop online. My PC wouldn't power on, it would try and then shut off. It finally said that I needed to reinstall windows. We were leaving in 15 mins, I was almost in a panic, this has never happened to me before. I decided to go ahead with the reinstall and hoped it would be ok until I got back on saturday. I arrived home to find that it was "working", as in it powered up but my PC was all fucked up. Apps were gone, of course, but it won't let me reinstall them. I can't figure out what's going on. I've had this PC almost 5 years and have been thinking about getting a new one anyway but I wanted to do that on MY terms, not because my old was is "broken". When I couldn't get my Plex server set back up, I lost it. Just started gorilla-bashing the keyboard as it sat on my lap, keys flew off and were scattered around the room. My wife was sitting next to me and was understandably startled. I threw the keyboard down and stormed away to my room and just laid on the floor. I was still mad but embarrassed as well. More like ashamed, really. 

I ordered a new PC on amazon this morning and now I'm trying to get past my outburst. I have already apologized to my wife, she was as gracious as ever. I'm lucky to have her.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

I had a BSOD episode (as documented in the CYHMWT thread).  Started sifting through photos on the hunt for a pic of my Stepmother's 64-1/2 Mustang & a fair % of the pics in that folder were borked.

I def. feel your pain.

[TwiceHorn 31496]

On 6/4/2021 at 8:08 AM, troph said:

here's the thing about passive suicidal ideation - I'm pretty sure it's as normal as eating and sleeping.  life is heavy, it always has been, only recently have we been able to achieve enough to even have happiness (whatever that is) as a possibility or a goal.  It use to be survival, then satisfaction with work well done, now it's self-actualization and happiness and all of that.  I think that creates a tremendous burden on our psyche.  Either way, doesn't matter, life is hard work and we get squeezed all the time and just being gone has it's appeal.  The problem is no one wants to mention it, no one wants to talk about it, everyone feels shame about it.  The promise we have to make ourselves is to get help if the passive thought moves to active planning.

Yes, and it's not all that different from simply contemplating mortality.  People say or think "I'm ready to go" quite a bit in a healthy manner in appropriate circumstances.

Saying or thinking it when overwhelmed is not ideal, but I don't think it's a huge danger sign, except as you note.

[troph 24854]

2002-2006: I loved lawyering.

2006-2008: hated it, started my own firm in 2010 after briefly owning a business we lost in the financial crisis. 

2010-2020: I loved lawyering. 

covid broke me. I hate it again. This time I want out for good. Thankfully I saw it coming and am working hard to pivot but I’m still 12-24 months at best from a meaningful transition out of lawyering.

I fucking hate it.  My vacation was interrupted no less than 3 times with anxiety producing bullshit from other lawyers and clients. That crap used to be no big deal, now I’m short fused and want to tell everyone to fuck off.
 

I really hate working for the weekend but here I am doing exactly that, and it’s only Monday. Ugh. 
 

 

Edited June 21, 2021 by troph

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

1 hour ago, troph said:

I fucking hate it.  My vacation was interrupted no less than 3 times with anxiety producing bullshit from other lawyers and clients.

Sorry, Troph. It's not limited to lawyers though. People are so fucking selfish with their demands these days because it's so easy to access people 24/7

[troph 24854]

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Sorry, Troph. It's not limited to lawyers though. People are so fucking selfish with their demands these days because it's so easy to access people 24/7

I’ll be the first lawyer to say we aren’t anything special on that front. I know. I just needed to say I hate it and won’t ever like it again. I feel very lucky to have a plan well underway but the next 2 years are going to suck.

[After irth 1243]

On 6/13/2021 at 12:51 PM, Sandman said:

Had a bit of an angry meltdown yesterday. 

We left for a short getaway on wednesday morning. While waiting for the wife & kids to get their shit together, I decided to hop online. My PC wouldn't power on, it would try and then shut off. It finally said that I needed to reinstall windows. We were leaving in 15 mins, I was almost in a panic, this has never happened to me before. I decided to go ahead with the reinstall and hoped it would be ok until I got back on saturday. I arrived home to find that it was "working", as in it powered up but my PC was all fucked up. Apps were gone, of course, but it won't let me reinstall them. I can't figure out what's going on. I've had this PC almost 5 years and have been thinking about getting a new one anyway but I wanted to do that on MY terms, not because my old was is "broken". When I couldn't get my Plex server set back up, I lost it. Just started gorilla-bashing the keyboard as it sat on my lap, keys flew off and were scattered around the room. My wife was sitting next to me and was understandably startled. I threw the keyboard down and stormed away to my room and just laid on the floor. I was still mad but embarrassed as well. More like ashamed, really. 

I ordered a new PC on amazon this morning and now I'm trying to get past my outburst. I have already apologized to my wife, she was as gracious as ever. I'm lucky to have her.

Everyone has their moments. Don’t beat yourself up about it. 

Frustrating shit is frustrating. You got it out, acknowledged it, and moved on. 

 

[Dbeasy 15068]

On 6/9/2021 at 11:14 PM, troph said:

MIA story reminds me when I was 13-14 and we were driving south bound on I-35 near Capitol plaza near 51st after dark and saw a ups type truck run over a dead body, we were in the lane to the left, the truck was in the middle lane. Just a brutal situation. Body getting tossed around and being run over again and again.  

What year was that?

[troph 24854]

18 minutes ago, Dbeasy said:

What year was that?

Probs 1988-1990 time frame. 

[FizzleFish 137]

I don’t even know how to write this. Don’t know why here. For as long as I can remember I’ve been fine with meeting my end. I’ve done a lot of stupid shit. Pushed things as far as they could go. Got in a lot of trouble. I found my dad dead at 32 years old. I was nine. Joined the marine corps and did a lot of fun stuff and pushed everything to the limit.   Since then I have married the love of my life, had 4 kids.. 3 boys and a daughter who are better people than I’ll ever be,  I’m very protective and have had to learn to let go. But they are getting older now. Youngest just graduated high school..I’ve battled for 20 years to keep it together. I’ve provided a great life to my family. I have everything you could ever want.  I do love my life and would never take my own life(like my sister did). But why am I this way?  

[XYZ 2154]

6 minutes ago, FizzleFish said:

I don’t even know how to write this. Don’t know why here. For as long as I can remember I’ve been fine with meeting my end. I’ve done a lot of stupid shit. Pushed things as far as they could go. Got in a lot of trouble. I found my dad dead at 32 years old. I was nine. Joined the marine corps and did a lot of fun stuff and pushed everything to the limit.   Since then I have married the love of my life, had 4 kids.. 3 boys and a daughter who are better people than I’ll ever be,  I’m very protective and have had to learn to let go. But they are getting older now. Youngest just graduated high school..I’ve battled for 20 years to keep it together. I’ve provided a great life to my family. I have everything you could ever want.  I do love my life and would never take my own life(like my sister did). But why am I this way?  

Please explain further.

[troph 24854]

Carrying the weight of a family is no small load, it will wear out the strongest. 

Edited June 23, 2021 by troph

[FizzleFish 137]

3 minutes ago, XYZ said:

Please explain further.

Yeah, reading that it sounds like I’m on the edge. I’m not. I’ve lived with these feelings since I was a young man.. I rarely post here but there are several threads on here that are great. Just wanted to share how as we go thru life it can get hard. A lot of us share these feelings. 

[TwiceHorn 31496]

5 minutes ago, FizzleFish said:

Yeah, reading that it sounds like I’m on the edge. I’m not. I’ve lived with these feelings since I was a young man.. I rarely post here but there are several threads on here that are great. Just wanted to share how as we go thru life it can get hard. A lot of us share these feelings. 

I am going to guess that you are depressed.

You have been able to distract yourself from it by doing things that distract you from yourself and your feelings about yourself.  Might even be a little bipolar.  See a doc, maybe get a referral to a psychiatrist or therapist.  Medications, antidepressants, are probably the first thing to try.  Talk therapy second.  

[ROFL BOX 6649]

 But why am I this way?  

Not being the typical Shag² asshole here, but what "way" do you think you are like?

We can't try to assist if we don't know what the car sounds are or steering wheel feeling is like.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[40acredropout 2902]

8 hours ago, FizzleFish said:

Yeah, reading that it sounds like I’m on the edge. I’m not. I’ve lived with these feelings since I was a young man.. I rarely post here but there are several threads on here that are great. Just wanted to share how as we go thru life it can get hard. A lot of us share these feelings. 

I'd echo @TwiceHorn in that it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to seek some help.  I know how overwhelming that first step can be so please don't hesitate to PM anyone here if we can help point you in the right direction.

It might sound cheesy or soft but I'd also add that raising your hand for help isn't a sign of weakness or that you're broken. 

Just from what you mentioned with your dad and sister it is apparent you've been through some pretty heavy trauma and there is probably a lot to unpack.  If anything, it is normal / expected for you to feel shitty after having to go through those things.  I personally went through similar things and I know that if left untreated or unaddressed, especially over long periods of time, those shitty experiences can really snowball into a heavy burden that you have to carry.  The good news is that it absolutely can get better and that there are several ways to make that burden lighter.

Hang in there.

[FizzleFish 137]

2 hours ago, 40acredropout said:

I'd echo @TwiceHorn in that it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to seek some help.  I know how overwhelming that first step can be so please don't hesitate to PM anyone here if we can help point you in the right direction.

It might sound cheesy or soft but I'd also add that raising your hand for help isn't a sign of weakness or that you're broken. 

Just from what you mentioned with your dad and sister it is apparent you've been through some pretty heavy trauma and there is probably a lot to unpack.  If anything, it is normal / expected for you to feel shitty after having to go through those things.  I personally went through similar things and I know that if left untreated or unaddressed, especially over long periods of time, those shitty experiences can really snowball into a heavy burden that you have to carry.  The good news is that it absolutely can get better and that there are several ways to make that burden lighter.

Hang in there.

Man, I truly appreciate your response and @TwiceHorn.  The feelings I have are minor, but just always there. Just can’t fully love anything. I’ve opened up to my wife recently. Especially about my difficulty falling asleep. Just random things from my past pop in my head. Even when I’m actively trying not to think. I try so hard to just relax and not think. Nightly, I get to a point where I’m about dead asleep then something from somewhere pops in my head and I’m wide awake for hours. Every night. I don’t know what it feels like to be well rested. I started a new job about a year ago. Things are going really well. Been busting my ass and getting a lot of accolades. But I’m tired and it takes so much effort. I guess I’m trying to bull myself through this like I’ve always done. We are building our dream home. I see so much excitement and energy in my wife and wish I could have that. 

[TwiceHorn 31496]

52 minutes ago, FizzleFish said:

Man, I truly appreciate your response and @TwiceHorn.  The feelings I have are minor, but just always there. Just can’t fully love anything. I’ve opened up to my wife recently. Especially about my difficulty falling asleep. Just random things from my past pop in my head. Even when I’m actively trying not to think. I try so hard to just relax and not think. Nightly, I get to a point where I’m about dead asleep then something from somewhere pops in my head and I’m wide awake for hours. Every night. I don’t know what it feels like to be well rested. I started a new job about a year ago. Things are going really well. Been busting my ass and getting a lot of accolades. But I’m tired and it takes so much effort. I guess I’m trying to bull myself through this like I’ve always done. We are building our dream home. I see so much excitement and energy in my wife and wish I could have that. 

Yeah, it might be pretty mild.  But now that you are more alone with yourself than in the past, it might become more troublesome.  Also, that it may run in the family is an indicator.

That you have been able to "distract yourself" is kind of a good sign.  A lot of depressed people can't or can't easily, which seems to be showing up already.  An effective anti-depressant could be just the ticket.  It may take some trial and error, though.

In any event, we're just a bunch of armchair shrinks with personal experience.  If you're willing to look into it, you might find you feel some better.  Maybe a whole lot.

[Shoxthemonkey 1981]

4 hours ago, FizzleFish said:

Man, I truly appreciate your response and @TwiceHorn.  The feelings I have are minor, but just always there. Just can’t fully love anything. I’ve opened up to my wife recently. Especially about my difficulty falling asleep. Just random things from my past pop in my head. Even when I’m actively trying not to think. I try so hard to just relax and not think. Nightly, I get to a point where I’m about dead asleep then something from somewhere pops in my head and I’m wide awake for hours. Every night. I don’t know what it feels like to be well rested. I started a new job about a year ago. Things are going really well. Been busting my ass and getting a lot of accolades. But I’m tired and it takes so much effort. I guess I’m trying to bull myself through this like I’ve always done. We are building our dream home. I see so much excitement and energy in my wife and wish I could have that. 

Twice with the good advice. If nothing else, this thread exists to let us know we are not alone and help exists. I hope you can find some peace, Brother.

[troph 24854]

had a killer outcome yesterday at work.  shot in the arm.  doesn't solve anything long term but it does boost the endorphins short term (who doesn't like to win?).  also got back on my daily diet routine (not weight loss diet, food intake approach diet) after a not so bad deviation in Mexico.  mood is back on the upswing.  I used to make fun of people and their whacky diet routines but it's a huge issue for me now (mea culpa).  I may be fragile now but when I drink my fresh green juice daily, take my health shots (tumeric, ginger, cinnamon, whatever else), take my probiotics and omegas plus others and stay the hell away from refined carbs I'm inevitably in a much better mood.  I usually drop a few lbs too.

[Bozo_Casanova 26488]

We're doing fine, kid is getting ready to go to college in Europe, the other is having the best summer of her life. I'm working out, I'm eating right, I'm sleeping pretty well (for me),  and I'm in great shape. I'm in a super hot industry and other than having 10-12 zoom meetings each and every day it's interesting and rewarding. I make good money working for a great company and recruiters call me literally every day. My marriage is on a better foundation than it has been in 5-10 years, and ... I feel like a loser and a terminal failure.

I'll pull out, but normally the combination of diet, exercise and sleep would fix things and it hasn't.

This is just really shitty. It's like psychic/spiritual rheumatoid arthritis. 

[Bogeywon 2519]

20 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

We're doing fine, kid is getting ready to go to college in Europe, the other is having the best summer of her life. I'm working out, I'm eating right, I'm sleeping pretty well (for me),  and I'm in great shape. I'm in a super hot industry and other than having 10-12 zoom meetings each and every day it's interesting and rewarding. I make good money working for a great company and recruiters call me literally every day. My marriage is on a better foundation than it has been in 5-10 years, and ... I feel like a loser and a terminal failure.

I'll pull out, but normally the combination of diet, exercise and sleep would fix things and it hasn't.

This is just really shitty. It's like psychic/spiritual rheumatoid arthritis. 

I go through this. Everything’s great but it feels like there is a piano hanging over my head by a thread and im waiting for it to fall. Hang in there. I’ve realized if you keep doing what you are doing that with time you will feel better. Don’t give up

[Bozo_Casanova 26488]

8 minutes ago, Bogeywon said:

. Hang in there. I’ve realized if you keep doing what you are doing that with time you will feel better. Don’t give up

Very true and a good reminder, but the right now part is no fun.

Edited July 28, 2021 by Bozo_Casanova

[Bogeywon 2519]

12 minutes ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Very true and a good reminder, but the right now part is no fun.

I’ve been there, even have been hospitalized because of it. I promise you it will get better. It doesn’t seem that way but it will. message me if you need to. I will remind you. I know when I’m going through what you are feeling it makes me feel better just being reminded of that. Also sometimes it doesn’t. I’m here to help if I can

[troph 24854]

1 hour ago, Bogeywon said:

I go through this. Everything’s great but it feels like there is a piano hanging over my head by a thread and im waiting for it to fall. Hang in there. I’ve realized if you keep doing what you are doing that with time you will feel better. Don’t give up

today can be shitastic but I've had good days before so I'll have good days again.  of course the opposite is true, I've had shitastic days before so I'll have them again, which means when it's a good day I lap that shit up like a thirsty dog.

[XYZ 2154]

1 hour ago, troph said:

today can be shitastic but I've had good days before so I'll have good days again.  of course the opposite is true, I've had shitastic days before so I'll have them again, which means when it's a good day I lap that shit up like a thirsty dog.

This reminds me of some buddhist proverb about a king who’s sad and a ring that is given to him with the encryption “this too shall pass”. Or something like that.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Some days I just can't get out of my own way with various racing thoughts in my head & delays stacking onto delays.

On the edge of losing a quality project that I should have locked down 1 month ago & going to sleep, my usual tricks aren't working (I never medicate, drink, etc).

Had a bit of a medical hiccup a bit ago & that's adding to my headaches.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

[Patricio Swayze 17058]

I find myself stuck. Recently employed after 1.25 year lay off due to covid. Two kids and and a mortgage, but mentally, not much has change. Anxiety about how long my job will last, if I am competent to do the job, am I good parent blah blah blah. I find myself thinking more and more about friends who have passed away. Listening to music that triggers those feelings. I don’t even k is what I am trying to say. Fuck. I hate this feeling.

[Bozo_Casanova 26488]

1 hour ago, Patricio Swayze said:

I find myself stuck. Recently employed after 1.25 year lay off due to covid. Two kids and and a mortgage, but mentally, not much has change. Anxiety about how long my job will last, if I am competent to do the job, am I good parent blah blah blah. I find myself thinking more and more about friends who have passed away. Listening to music that triggers those feelings. I don’t even k is what I am trying to say. Fuck. I hate this feeling.

First- congratulations on the job. 
 

Man that’a your version of imposter syndrome. We all have it. Not minimizing- you have a good reason, and theres no way to make it go away, but knowing the opposite and self-talk actually helps. You got this.

Edited August 13, 2021 by Bozo_Casanova